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AGGRESSION 31: Kansas City, Missouri - 5/17/07

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DBrunkGXW

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Prologue

[The scene fades into a shot of a locker room door. As we move in closer, we notice that the sign on the door reads “‘Sensational’ Steven Shane”. Suddenly, a stagehand busts onto the scene and into the door. He walks in and shouts throughout the room.]

SH: “Hey Steve! Dan and Anarky sent me over here to make sure everything was alright for your match. They said they hadn’t heard from you all week.”

[The stagehand continues to look around, but finds no one. Finally, he looks down and happens to come across a note of some sort. He reads it and then suddenly drops it.]

SH: “****.”

[The stagehand leaves the shot, but the camera focuses in quickly on the note that he read and dropped. We can then make out what it says… ]

“Dan-

Hope you and your new buddy are enjoying the ride more than I am. I look forward to seeing what you guys can do together from the comforts of my own living room. Tell Z I’m sorry for not making the match this week…

-Triple S”​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Intro - The Chairman and the (former) Owner

[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.
CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.
CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.
CUT TO: Steven Shane standing victorious in the ring.
CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Ron Artest
CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.
CUT TO: Joey Melton, mugging for the crowd.
CUT TO: An unhappy IrishRed stomping Wong-Pei.
CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Beast.
CUT TO: Chip Friendly and Cameron Cruise locking up in the middle of the ring.
CUT TO: Anarky, raining lefts and rights down on Irishred.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera - smiling.
CUT TO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]-

[Pyro erupts around the stage and the ring itself as a wide angle shot of the crowd pans around the Kemper Arena before finally resting on the broadcast team.]

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Kemper Arena in Kansas City, Missouri and Empire Pro Wrestling’s Aggression 31!! We are live and about to get things underway! With me as always are the one and only Mike Neely and of course, Dean Matthews…and guys, what a packed show we’ve got tonight in our final Aggression before the newly named EPW-NEW Wrestlestock!! And folks, if you haven’t heard – the word came down today that Wrestlestock will be a two day event featuring the best of both brands, and what a weekend THAT’S gonna be!

DM: It’s really unprecedented in these parts, Dave to have this sort of cooperation between companies. Everyone always wants to see this sort of thing but it rarely happens. I applaud the owners of both companies for putting this together.

DT: Tonight of course we have several huge matches. Two big King of the Cage matches to determine who will face off for the right to challenge the World Champion, as well as a big three way dance between Beast, Anarky and James Irish.

DM: James Irish is a man out of place in that match tonight, but it’s gonna be interesting how it all plays out as he has no love for either man in that situation.

[As the announcers pause for a moment, suddenly “Zero” by The Smashing Pumpkins blasts over the speakers. Dan Ryan emerges on the stage alongside Anarky. The men stand there for a moment, Ryan peering into the crowd and Anarky looking ready to kill someone (which is pretty much how he always looks). They stroll to the ring and climb in, Ryan with a microphone and Anarky standing a few feet away.]

DT: The owners are here!

MN: Ahem…co-owner…and Ryan isn’t anything anymore.

DM: He will be getting the company back, ya know Mike. You might keep that in mind when you talk.

MN: Well by that I meant he’s my favorite person ever.

DM: Sure.

Ryan: So, here we are in Kansas City…[cheap pop]…with a week to go before the big join show with NEW. Tonight, there is a matter to clear up. Last week, Beast…apparently under the orders of our…owner…[Ryan looks like he smelled a fart as he says this]….thought it wise to handle a no-show by the World Tag Team Champions…The Cameron Cruise Project…by removing their titles and handing them to Blitz.

Now, while I appreciate the irony of Joey Melton having a title taken from him without losing a match…since he was the benefactor of a similar situation in regards to me…I am a man who believes in championships being won in the ring, and I don’t have any intention of allowing Irishred, Beast or anyone else devalue a championship that has been built up as among the most prestigious in the world where tag team wrestling is concerned.

So…..[Ryan pulls out a piece of paper, which looks scrawled across, messily]…what I have here is an order signed by the Empire Pro Wrestling Chairman…my good friend Anarky here…returning the EPW World Tag Team Championships to The Cameron Cruise Project effective immediately….

[Loud crowd pop]

DT: Wow!!

MN: They’re giving ‘em back?? Melton is champ again? Hallelujah!!

DM: Get up off your knees, Neely for cryin’ out loud….

Ryan: Therefore, I’m sorry to announce that there will be no tag team title match tonight. Now…for the Proletariat, I realize this leaves you in a pickle. However, I will give you this incentive…win tonight and it will be the two of you taking on The Cameron Cruise Project on one of the biggest shows of the year….WrestleSTOCK.

In addition, tonight’s main event will be a preview of one of our TWO WrestleSTOCK main events as I am happy to announce right here and now that your Chairman…Anarky…will face Beast at WrestleSTOCK…..in a STREET FIGHT!!

[The crowd “OOOOH”s at the announcement]

DM: Whoa! Letting loose Anarky in a street fight?? Damn.

MN: [in sing-song] Loa-fy’s go-nna di-ieee!!!

DT: Shh!

Now then…ladies…gentlemen….enjoy the show….

[“Zero” kicks back up as they leave the ring and walk up the ramp and through the curtain.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Unholy Father vs. Steve Solex vs. Tina Davis vs. Rex Reynolds

DT: What an announcement by Dan Ryan! The Cameron Cruise Project are champions once again! And we’re gonna have a street fight at WrestleSTOCK!

DM: I’m not sure the Project deserve the belts back after disappearing last week, but hey…that man’s the boss, even when he’s not…the boss…so to speak. And as for the street fight announcement….just wow. I can’t say anymore about that.

MN: Blah blah blah…..are we gonna have any matches on this show or what?

DT: Well lets see ........ It says here we have a match between four newcomers to EPW.

MN: Oh great this should be a yawner!

DM: Not necessarily Mike. Not only is the Father of All UnHoly about to have his first match in almost 4 years, but the other three wrestlers are not too shabby. I know for a fact this Tina Davis is quite a technical wrestler.

DT: You got that right Dean. Also Steve Solex and "the Future" Rex Reynolds will make this match quite a spectacle this evening. I doubt very much that this will be a yawner!

MN: [Rolling his eyes] We'll see......

DT: Well, all four are in the ring already….

MN: That’s what they get for being new and for none of us giving a damn.

DM: Look at the look of focus on young Rex Reynolds face. He really looks prepared for this match!

MN: I think Tina Davis better watch out! The Father is giving her the evil eye!

[DDDiiinnngggg!]

DT: And there is the bell, you’re right Mike! The Father charges right into the corner of Tina Davis. Hammering her with a forearm shiver to the head!

MN: That hurt you Dave, didn't it?

DT: What?

MN: To say I was right!

DM: Rex Reynolds charges and locks up with Steve Solex, Solex reverses, grabs Reynolds from behind and executes a flawless german-suplex!

DT: Reynolds landed right on the back of his head and looks dazed already. The Father of All UnHoly is picking up Miss Davis by her hair, dragging her to her feet. The UnHoly One looks to the crowd for approval...... Ouch! Tina Davis delivers a low blow! The Father is down rolling in agony!

MN: That Minx is quite tricky!

DT: Now Davis is going to work on the right knee of the Father. Hammering away!!! two.... three... four... five consecutive kicks! The Father scrambles to the corner with his hands up, looking up at Davis!

DM: Here comes Solex!

DT: Solex grabs Davis by the hair! Reverse DDT!!! Solex going for a quick pin! But the Father scrambles to his feet and knocks Solex off! Rex Reynolds is now back to his feet and looking towards the Father and back to Solex! The three men all trying to guess the others next move.... The Father moves first and drops an elbow on the helpless Tina Davis laying to the leftside of the ring.

MN: In true UnHoly One fashion, attacking the weak or helpless. I love his tactics!!

DM: He's a coward.... no wonder you relate to him.

DT: Rex and Solex are squaring off to lock-up. Solex lands a solid left to the side of Reynolds face. Emilio Gomez steps in to warn Solex about a closed fist!!

DM: The Father again taking advantage of the confusion and he grabs Rex Reynolds! Dragging the dazed man to his feet the Father goes for the body slam, and drops Rex Reynolds head first across the top rope!!! Gomez didn't see it! He's still warning Solex.

MN: You were right Thomas, this isn't putting me to sleep!

DT: The Father wasting no time, with two wrestlers down and momentarily dazed, he turns to Solex. Solex smirks and waves the Father to come at him!!! What showmanship! The Father charges and Solex brings up a big boot to the face of the UnHoly One!

DM: Thats gonna leave a mark!

DT: Solex now walking over to Reynolds who is still having trouble breathing, I think. Picks him up..... Choke-Slam!!

[ The crowd in the arena are now at their feet sensing a possible end is near.]

DT: Solex is dragging Reynolds up to his feet! Is this it? Is he gonna end it here.... he's looking to the crowd!

DM: Watch-out!!! Solex doesn't see the Father of All UnHoly is to his feet!!!

DT: The Father runs towards Solex! OH MY GOD! He just took out the right knee of Solex with a shoulder block! That could be a career-ender!!! Solex is writhing in pain. Clutching that knee as if it's seriously injured! The Father now looking towards Rex who is just starting to get his wits about him..... the two men look at each other and then look to Davis who is now making her way to her feet....... they both move towards Davis, cornering her. The Father and Rex meet hands and charge Davis going for a clothesline! Davis ducks both men, she turns and that roundhouse kick landed right on Reynolds chin.

MN: He went down like a ton of bricks!

DM: Davis follows thru and lands another kick to the Fathers head! Both men are down!!

DT: Solex is still down in the far side of the ring. Emilio Gomez is checking on him.

MN: He needs to be doing his job and watching the action! Not checking on the weak, to see if they are ok!

DT: Gomez is well aware of his job! He's a veteran official! Davis walks over to Solex, she see's he is hurt badly! She turns back towards Rex and the UnHoly One. Davis grabs the Father and drags him up! Davis moves behind the Father.... Sleeper!! This could be it! The Father is flailing wildly trying to get to the ropes! Davis jumps on his back to try to stop him!

MN: Mistake!

DT: The Father falls backwards hard his head slamming into Davis's face! She rolls into a prone position holding her hands over her face! She's bleeding..... the Father must have broken her nose! Reynolds is now to his feet... trying to take advantage of the Father being a bit disoriented himself, he moves in behind the Father. The Father sees him and unloads a big elbow to Rex's face. The Father now with the momentum grabs Rex spins him around Death Valley Driver!!!!

MN: Thats it! Noone gets up from that!

DT: The Father must not be satisfied, he is pulling Reynolds back to his feet..... The Father motions to the crowd!!! Here it comes!!!! The Nail in the Coffin! The Nail in the Coffin!

MN: Ouch, now I know Reynolds is all done!

DT: The Father is going for the pin..... 1....... 2...........3!!!! This match is over!!

[ The crowd cheers and begins to chant Father! Father! Father!]

DT: What a great match! All four newcomers really gave the EPW fans something to cheer about! And something to look forward to in the future! Remember that was the first match for all four competitors!

DM: I really thought Tina Davis had it after she landed those 2 devestating kicks!

MN: Well Thomas maybe we will see from 3 of the 4 wrestlers. I don't think Solex will be wrestling in the near future. That knee injury looked bad.

DT: What do you know? He's a tough kid that Steve Solex. Besides how do you know it’s not just a sprain? Since when do we listen to anything you say anyway? Look he's up and walking around..... that shows what you know......

MN: Yeah..... he looks real comfortable leaning on the ropes like that....................

DT: Enough from you....folks, we’ll be right back!​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Brotherly Love

[Fade in to a shot of Arson Zanders backstage standing next to his trainer, Blaine Richards. He is rubbing his hands slowly and in anticipation.]

Arson Zanders: [smiles] There's something in the air tonight, and it smells good. It smells real good.

Blaine Richards: Smells sweet, does it?

Arson Zanders: That's right, and if I didn't know any better I'd say it was my mum's apple pie baking in the oven. And it's got my mouth watering, Blaine, but that's not it. It's the sound of that referee's hand slamming down to the mat....1....2....3....

Blaine Richards: Steven Shane, you might be in for a rude awakening tonight when you step in the ring with Arson. He's a man on a mission, and with the fans behind him, there's little to nothing you can do stop this flame thrower.

Arson Zanders: And it's not only the fans behind me. You know, it's no secret that I don't have a lot of support back home, but one piece of my family has come to my side recently. Someone who I know I can trust and who will watch my back.

[A man about 6'2'', with long brown hair and hazel eyes dressed in a leather jacket and t-shirt appears into the shot. He stands next to Arson and pats him on the back.]

Arson Zanders: EPW, I want to introduce you to a man I've known all my life. We haven't always gotten along [laughs]....but he's family, and that's blood. Erick Zanders...otherwise known as The Iceman.

Erick Zanders: That's right, EPW. I'm here to support my brother, and to make sure punks in masks don't stick their nose in my brother's business. I want to see you make your move tonight on my watch.

Arson Zanders: Shane, be prepared for the Triple A guarantee. It's only a few moments away!

[Fade out.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

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"Yours Truly" Makes a Move

[The cameras cut away from ringside to a nearby hotel in downtown Kansas City. Emerging from the hotel's elevator, dressed absolutely to the nines in a dark gray Armani suit, is Adam Benjamin. He strolls casually across the lobby and through the outer doors where he is greeted by the hotel doorman.]

Doorman: “Good evening, Mr. Benjamin. May I summon a taxi for you?”

Benjamin: “Oh no, that won't be necessary. I see that my ride has arrived.”

[The camera pans toward the street where we see a long, black limousine waiting at the curb. The rear door opens, but we cannot get a view of who is inside. Adam takes a few steps forward and then disappears inside the car, closing the door behind him.

As the car begins to take off, the doorman steps forward to look through the passenger window. We can't make out who is driving the car, but whoever it is projects a pretty large silhouette behind the wheel.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

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1-800-f-l-o-w-e-r-s

The back door to the arena opens up and a courier wearing an 1-800-Flowers jacket and hat walks through. The young man walks around the grounds peering through open doors and curtains leading to the arena floor. Still not finding the person that he's looking for he stops an arena official and asks for directions.

"Hi. Can I help you, sir?"

"Uhh. yeah. I'm looking for Naakeeta Daahaak-ka? or a Dee-light...Dee-laya...Dee.."

"Nikita Dahaka or Delilah?"

"Yep. That would be them. Where would I find them? I have a delivery."

The courier shows the attendant two long boxes.

"Go about 500 feet down. Take a left and her room is the second door on the right."

"Sweet. Thanks."

The courier follows precise directions and steps in front of a door with an EPW engraved plate that shows the names of Nikita and Delilah. He knocks and doesn't get an answer the first time. He knocks a second time and the door opens. Delilah looking more gorgeous than ever with her long flowing black hair and red sequined dress, stares at the courier. The courier's eyes are fixed upon the beauty at the door.

"Yes. May I help you?"

" I..I.. uh. umm. Here. These boxes are for Naakeeta and Deeliilaah."

"Oh ok. Thanks."

Delilah takes the boxes from the courier and then closes the door. Leaving the courier still standing in front of the door with a mesmerized look upon his face. The courier walks away with a glazed look over his eyes as the camera moves on into the ladies' dressing room.

"Who was it, Delilah?"

"A young man. He delivered these boxes to us."

"A gift? Who is it from?

"I don't know. It doesn't say. It just has your name on this box."

As Delilah hands over the long box to Nikita. Delilah opens her box. To her amazement, inside are two dozen long stemmed red roses.

"Oh My..."

"If you received roses. Then I must have the same thing!"

Nikita rips the glamourous ribbon off the box and nearly trashes the box to get inside. When she finally opens the box, numerous long stemmed black roses fly out around her. She catches about half a dozen of them before they hit the floor. Confused? Nikita looks over to see Delilah's prize within her grasp.

"All of your roses....are red. And mine are black. I'm not stupid. Someone is telling us something. It has to be this mystery guy that I'm taking on tonight."

"Well. I don't know. I never found any information on him."

"Really Delilah? Can that be true? You don't know anything. But, you get a flower show in a box. Is there something you could be hiding?"

"Nikita.. I'm not hiding anything. This guy is as mysterious as you are."

"Guy? How did you know that it was a guy?"

"I didn't. Nikita. I.. just said a guy. It could be a girl. It could be more than one person. I really don't know."

"Save it. Delilah. I told you how much you mean to me. All the flowers in the world couldn't express my words for you. But, move one inch the wrong way.. turn against me and I will gut you so quick... no one will be able to recognize you."

"Yes. Nikita. I understand"

"Black. Dead. Roses. Whoever this is thinks they can scare me? Well, they will wish that had never gone up against the Harbenger of Fate. The Mother of Mendacity. Their life hangs in the balance tonight. I don't care who it is anymore. My gospel adds another chapter tonight. TONIGHT!"

As Nikita bends down to pick the dead flowers off the ground. Her anger grows and she growls. With the bouquet in her hands. She screams and swings them. They connect to the wall and explode all over the floor. The rest of the stems, she slams across the bench and the table until there is nothing left. Nikita walks back toward her items hanging up and then near the sink area away from Delilah.

As the camera pans around to Delilah she is staring at the flowers and gives off a collective sigh. She gets caught up in the moment as Nikita returns. Nikita grabs the box full of roses out of Delilah's hands and slams them against the wall.

"Don't get used to anything like that. Let's take a walk before my match starts."

Nikita grabs Delilah up and escorts her forcefully out the dressing room door and down the hall out of camera range.​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Nakita Dahaka vs. Mystery Opponent - SHORTFORMED

SHORT FORM: “Dark Phenom” Nakita Dahaka vs. Mystery Partner

Nakita Dahaka made her way to the ring first with Delilah Demonik by her side, although she mostly glared at her ‘valet’, who in turn kept her head down most of the way to the ring and during their wait for Nakita’s opponent. The mystery continues as someone, announced as “Doctor Piledriver” and said to hail from “General Hospital” rushed to the ring in doctor’s scrubs and facemask and was summarily decimated by Dahaka as the bell rang to officially start the match. The mask came flying off and as it turns out the ‘Doctor’ seemed to be no one of consequence. Before anything more could happen, the lights went out and when they came back on the good Doctor was gone, replaced by two more roses on the apron.

Then, to Dahaka’s confusion, the florist seen earlier in the night came out in wrestling gear and attacked, also going down in quick fashion to Dahaka, who summarily tossed him over the ropes and down hard on the concrete floor. The lights went out once again, the crowd growing ever more restless and this time when the lights came back up – the mystery was solved…..as “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott was standing in the ring behind Dahaka, but with smudged black all over his face and shredded ring attire.

Dahaka had her back to him and didn’t see him, but Delilah’s reaction was priceless as she caught a full view of Scott and she literally stumbled into the ropes, tumbling to the outside and gathering herself before just staring in shock and pointing in order to get Dahaka’s attention. Dahaka turned around just in time to bear the brunt of Scott’s attack, as the crowd went crazy for the return. Scott and Dahaka brawled in the ring and eventually spilled out to the arena floor where Scott was a man possessed, picking up anything and everything he could find to throw at the Dark Phenom.

Finally, with seemingly no hope of order being restored, the official in charge waved the match off, the bell rang and the contest was officially thrown out. Officials poured out of the back as the two continued to tear into each other, Delilah still in shock on the other side of the ring. The two were eventually pulled apart, with Scott screaming with a wild look in his eye that he wanted a match at WrestleSTOCK.

Winner: None (No Contest)
 

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Stalking and Entering

[Scene opens up backstage at Kemper arena. Delroy Hawkins is leaning up against the wall waiting in front of a closed door. His face is anxious and excited. Stalker comes out from the door with a smirk on his face and Delroy looks at him anxiously awaiting him to speak.]

Stalker: I'm in..

[Delroy's face lights up as Jason's face turns into an almost evil grin.]

Stalker: I told them you were my manager, but listen Delroy if anyone asks about why you are here or who you are here with don't mention my name.

Delroy: Why's that boss?

Stalker: Because I was informed that due to the fact that I'm brand new to Empire Pro Wrestling, they don't want a scrub like me thinking I can just challenge anyone here.

Delroy: You ain't no scrub, you could destroy practically all the wrestlers here.

Stalker: I know that and you know that. Management however wants to be proven otherwise. They've already booked me for a couple of house shows, so i'll just have to bide my time. Other then that why don't you go check out the show? I'm going to check up on a few things back here.

Delroy: Alright boss, good luck.

[Delroy heads off behind Jason as he continues to make his way down the hallway. Stopping to glance at Sean Steven's locker room as well as that of Ice Tre's. He turns the corner and suddenly stops dead in his tracks gazing directly at something. The camera pans over to see Rocko Daymon's name on the door in front of him. Jason rubs his chin as he stares at it closely, smiling to himself, almost laughing.]

Stalker: It's been so long...

[Jason moves closely to the door as he looks both ways to make sure no one is around him. He places his head against it trying to listen in. After a few moments he again looks both ways and grabs the doorknob, he stands up against the wall next to the door and flings it open quickly. Waiting a few moments in complete silence he seems satisified that no one is around and darts into the room closing the door behind him.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Beast Makes An Impact

[The sounds of monks chanting plays over the PA, and the crowd starts to cheer, as fog drifts across the stage.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you at this time, the former EPW World Heavyweight Champion and current Head of EPW Security.... BEAST!

MN: Oh great. Another Loafy promo.

DM: Wow, you really hate the guy, don't you?

MN: Let's just say he's not on my Christmas card list.

DT: Neely, *I'm* not on your Christmas card list, and we work together.

MN: Oh, right. I've been meaning to fix that. Sorry.

[A monster red and white pyro explosion at center stage coincides with the crunching guitar of Nickelback's "Figure You Out". Beast steps through the fog and smoke to a big pop and stands at center stage for a few moments, clipboard in hand, taking in the cheers. He then proceeds to the ring amidst a flurry of moving red and white spotlights.]

MN: Can I go to the bathroom now?

DT: No.

MN: Can I get a beer?

DT: NEELY!

[Beast enters the ring, and grabs a mic from Fatora.]

Beast: So, I'm sitting at home the other day, and I get a call from my buddy <b>Irishred</b>...

[Crowd pops!]

Beast: ...and Red says "Beast, I 'm a little bored. I'm laying in this freaking bed all day long, with nothing to do but watch TV, and I thought I'd like to have a little fun. I'd like to be entertained."

MN: Oh, I don't know if I like where THIS is going.

Beast: So I asked Red what he had in mind, and he told me that he needed a match for the upcoming joint Super Show we're all going to be a part of. But he wanted to be surprised. He wanted to be entertained. Red said "Beastie-boy, give me a match I can ENJOY."

MN: I REALLY don't like where this is going.

DT: Neely, shut up!

Beast: And I said "Red, I've got just the match for you."

[Beast raises the clipboard high in the air.]

Beast: In this hand I've got the signed order from Irishred. The match is done. It's signed, sealed, and delivered, baby, and I, for one, am going to love the HELL out of this match! Who's in it, you ask?

LINDSAY TROY, GET YOUR SCRAWNY ASS OUT HERE!!!

[Crowd pop!]

DT: OH MY! Beast has just called out the World Champion!

[A few moments pass, and finally, "Trampled Underfoot" by Led Zeppelin plays over the PA, and the crowd ROARS as Lindsay Troy steps through the curtain, the EPW World Heavyweight Championship over her left shoulder. Lindsay stops at center stage, and starts to raise her mic, but Beast cuts her off.]

Beast: NO WAY, sister. This is MY time. You just stand there like a good little girl and LISTEN.

Now, last week on Aggression, you took it upon yourself to strike an EPW official. Namely, me. What's the matter, Lindz? You can't accept a random joke here and there? You seem to have no problem accepting random MEN with open arms - or should I say, OPEN LEGS.

[Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!]

MN: OH SNAP!

[Troy fumes and rolls her eyes, while Beast continues.]

Beast: Since you've got a sense of humor that only the Queen would enjoy, you're going to have to suffer a little bit as a result. You've got yourself a match at the Super Show. And now, it's time for you to meet your opponent.

[The Queen just crosses her arms and motions for Beast to get on with it. He waves toward the back.]

Beast: Go on boys, bring him out!

[“Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benatar begins to play over the PA, and the crowd responds with some cheers, and some jeers. Lindsay Troy's head snaps to the left-side curtain as... ]

MN: HOLY HELL!!

DT: JOEY MELTON!

[Melton walks out onto the stage, not even looking at Lindsay, who now looks obviously disgusted.]

MN: I might have to take some of this back! Beast is an evil genius!

Beast: Now, I know you two little lovebirds have had your little problems, what with the whole faux marriage and all, and I'm no therapist, but I thought you two deserved a second chance - to RIP EACH OTHER'S HEADS OFF, as well as bring our ratings back up and redeem yourselves after the debacle you two gave us last time out!

DM: Now, THAT just might have gone a little too far.

Beast: At the Super Show, you two have got yourselves a match! Aw, Joey, don't look so glum! At least if Lindsay kicks your ass, you've still got your shiny new tag team title back, right? Not all is lost!

And, ladies and gentlemen, if you call in the next ten minutes, you're not just going to get the Troy/Melton match at Super Show, and because Irishred loves him some violence... we're going to give you a free upgrade...

... TO A STEEL CAGE MATCH!!

[Crowd pop!]

MN: Can he DO this! This is awesome!

DT: It's already done! The match has been signed by Irishred!

Beast: And that's not all!

DM: What?

Beast: If you're one of the first thousand callers, we're going to throw in a little gold for you! Joey, you've got a chance to add to your little hardware collection, because the EPW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP IS ON THE LINE!!

[The crowd explodes!]

Beast: Whoa whoa whoa!! But that’s not all EITHER!! Since Steven Shane chose not to show up for his match tonight with Arson Zanders, I’m assigning a replacement….and that replacement is…..”THE EGO BUSTER” DAN RYAN!!!

[Crowd explosion: The Sequel]

Beast: That’s right. Get your boots on, Dan. Your match is on….in five!!

DT: WOW!! What an announcement from Beast! Melton and Troy, in a steel cage at the Super Show, with the EPW World Heavyweight Title on the line! And Arson Zanders facing off with Dan Ryan right now with no notice whatsoever!!! I need a break after all this! Let's go to commercial!

[We fade to commercial with Troy glaring at Beast, Melton still averting his eyes from his estranged wife, and Beast with a big smile on his face in the ring.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Arson Zanders vs. ???????

[SFX: Ring bell x 3]

TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, with no time limit. Introducing first...He hails from Houston, Texas, filling in for Steven Shane... he isssss DAAAAAAAAAAAAAN... RYYYYYAAAAAANNNNNN!!!

[CUE UP: “Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins]

[Dan Ryan appears from the back with a sour look on his face and makes his way to the ring.]

DT: Dan Ryan is here now and he does not look happy.

DM: Beast played the trump card and now has forced Ryan to take Steven Shane's place in his match. We'll see how Ryan reacts to this move.

TF: And, his opponent...

[CUE UP: "End All" by Anathema.]

TF: Fighting out of Manchester, England, he stands six feet, one inch tall, and weighs in at two-hundred and four pounds, he is The Inferno... he is... ARRRRRRRRSONNNNNNNN ZAAAAAAAANDERRRRRRRS!!

[A pyro blast goes off around the stage as Zanders comes through the curtain and begins walking down the ramp. He is accompanied by his trainer, Blaine Richards, and his brother, Erick Zanders. Blaine whispers something in Erick's ear and Erick nods in agreement and heads backstage.]

DT: Here comes Arson Zanders, a relative newcomer to EPW, but coming off an impressive DQ victory over Nakita Dahaka last week.

MN: You think he felt her up last week? I bet he did!

DM: I bet you would if you were in there.

MN: I wouldn't even hesitate.

DT: Aside from that bad thought, Zanders is looking to score a big win tonight over the much more experienced Dan
Ryan.
DM: He's going to need every single shooting fighting move tonight to pull this one off. DanRyan will not let the newcomer get off the hook easily.

[SFX: Ring bell!]

DT: Alright, we're under way! Lock up coming up... but Ryan steps away and slaps Zanders in the face!

DM: That will leave a mark! Zanders just stares at Ryan but Ryan is not afraid of the cage fighter.

MN: Maybe they'll start making out soon. That would be the perfect ending to this homo-erotic adventure so far.

DT: Watch out! Zanders just kicked Ryan in the right knee! He's fallen over to his left knee and is not absorbing rapid fire punches from Zanders!

DT: Ryan didn't see that one coming. Zanders is a master of stiff kicks and jabs, he'll be trying to wear out Ryan with the constant barrage.

MN: I hate this Zanders guy. Kick, punch, kick, punch...this isn't Street Fighter!

DT: Zanders is picking Ryan up by the hair after pelting him with one stiff strike after another. And....WATCH OUT! Ryan just hit a low blow on Zanders as he was getting back to his feet!

DM: There's classic Dan Ryan technique for you right there. Zanders is stunned and Ryan takes the advantage picking Zanders up and scoop slamming him down to the canvas.

MN: I bet Zanders doesn't get much of that in the cage.

DT: Ryan with the advantage now as he goes for the quick cover...

1....2....KICK OUT!

DM: Way too early for a pin now but Ryan is looking to end this now.

DT: Ryan picks Zanders back up and whips him into the corner. Zanders looks stunned as Ryan rushes toward him with a huge lariat and connects!

The crowd lets out a huge "Oooooooooh!"

DM: Even the crowd reacting to the impact of that collison. Ryan is now on the second turnbuckle straddling Zanders and laying into him with one punch after another!

Crowd chants along with the punches...1...2...3....4...5......

DT: Zanders picks up Ryan from the turnbuckle, spins him around and hits a huge spinebuster! Ryan looks dazed!

MN: That was straight out of UFC: Tapout! I played that last night on PS2!

DM: Quit it, Neel.

DT: Zanders trying to keep pace with Ryan here, but Ryan has just reversed a slam attempt by Zanders and instead gives Zanders knee to the gut! Ryan follows up with a knee lift to the face and Zanders is back down to the canvas!

DM: Ryan is looking good here. His experience far outmeasures Zanders.

DT: Ryan sets Zanders up for a suplex and holds him up there....2...3...4 seconds! The blood is rushing straight to Zanders' head!

DM: Zanders might be out for the count up there!

MN: I think Zanders is coming down for a quick landing...

DT: And Ryan drops Zanders down into a brainbuster! This might be it! Ryan is signaling its over!!

Referee counts 1...2...KICK OUT!

DM: He's not done yet! Zanders showing resilience but has yet to break Ryan down like he did to Nakita last week.

DT: Ryan setting Zanders up for the piledriver but can't get him up! Zanders is blocking! Zanders reverses with a sunset flip sending Ryan crashing to the mat!

DM: Great counter there by Zanders! But he looks dazed!

MN: Someone stick a fork in him, he's done.

DT: Zanders turns around and whips Ryan into the ropes but Ryan ducks under the clothesline! Ryan hits the other side of the ropes and hits a shoulder tackle on Zanders!

DM: Zanders was playing too much wrestler right there. When was the last time we saw him use the ropes like that?

DT: Ryan is in complete control right now, as is expected, with the experience and status he holds over Zanders. He lays the boots to Zanders who has put up a good fight but right now looks a bit over matched.

Crowd begins to chant "In-Fer-No! In-Fer-No!"

DM: Listen to this crowd...it sounds like they are trying to get behind Zanders.

MN: Morons! Back a winner please.

DT: Ryan looks distracted by the crowd and....look, Beast is walking down from the back. Ryan has just noticed him!

DM: What is Beast doing here?!

DT: Ryan is yelling something at Beast, meanwhile, Zanders is getting back to his feet. Ryan turns around and is hit with a jumping knee to the face! Ryan is down!

DM: Beast is making his way to ringside and is watching the match intently!

DT: Zanders takes Ryan into his arms and executes a back breaker. Ryan is writhing in pain. Now Zanders grabs him again and whips him into the ropes going for another clothesline, but Ryan ducks underneth and locks in a sleeper hold!!

MN: Goodnight, sweet English man. Goodnight.

DM: This might be it! Great showing by Zanders but he's in the middle of the ring with no where to go...

DT: The referee has got Zanders' arm and it falls once....twice....thr....NO! The arm doesn't fall a third time! He's still up!

Crowd begins to stand and stomp their feet.

DM: Listen to this crowd! They are urging Zanders on, and meanwhile, Ryan can't believe it!

DT: Zanders is struggling against the hold and gets a head of steam and runs forward towards the corner....Ryan hits face first into the top turnbuckle!!

MN: That'll leave a mark for sure!

DT: Ryan is slow to get to his feet and is watching Beast as he does. Zanders comes from behind and attempts to lock in a nerve hold at the neck! Ryan is squealing in pain but nails Zanders with a left elbow which catches him in the jaw.

DM: Zanders keeps fighting but Ryan continues to have the advantage.

DT: Ryan grabs Zanders and holds him by the throat. Here we go....CHOKESLAM!

DM: It's over!

DT: Ryan about to go for the pin...wait, he's pointing at Beast! What is he doing?

DM: Beast is jawing at Ryan also. Meanwhile, Zanders is ripe for the pin!

MN: After that chokeslam I think Zanders will be heading back to Manchester with a serious back problem.

DT: Ryan continuing to jaw with Beast, meanwhile Zanders is back on his feet. He's dazed but sees what's going on. He sneaks up from behind and locks in a full nelson!

DM: The crowd is going crazy! Ryan looks like he doesn't know what's going on!

MN: I haven't seen a full nelson in twenty years. Zanders is cheating!

DT: Ryan continues to struggle but has no where to go! Zanders lifts Ryan in the air and suplexes him over....but holds on to the full nelson and bridges into a pinning combo! DRAGON SUPLEX!

DM: Ryan is stuck! The count is going for the pin!!

Referee counts 1...2...3! The bell sounds as the crowd erupts into cheers.

DT: ITS OVER! ITS OVER! Ryan gets back to his feet in shock as Zanders rolls out of the ring! This crowd is cheering but they are just as shocked as Ryan is! Ryan yelling at the official and he simply cannot believe it!

DM: Upset city! Beast caused distraction while Zanders takes advantage for his second straight victory and his first clean pin!

MN: You call that clean?! That's about as clean as my nose.

DT: Zanders is making his way to the back with his arms raised as Ryan continues to argue with the ref in the ring. What a victory for...WAIT A MINUTE! A masked man has just appeared from backstage and he has a chair in his hand!

DM: Zanders is turned around, he doesn't see it coming!

MN: OUCH CITY!

DT: The chair slams against the back of Zanders' head! Zanders is down! The masked man is slamming that chair against Zanders' back now! Is this the same masked man that cost him the match against Rocko Daymon during the KOTC tournament?!

DM: It could be! He didn't make an appearance last week but here he is and he's doing serious damage!

DT: Security has just appeared with Blaine Richards behind them but the masked man has jumped the guard rail into the audience! My GOD! Zanders is out and with that beating I don't know how he could get up anytime soon.

DM: He's not. Here comes the stretcher.

MN: Great win, Zanders. Your prize? Your very own hospital bed, complete with x-ray and CT scan. That’ll be a fifty dollar co-pay please.

DT: Folks, we'll be right back....​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Messages
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Peek-a-boo; The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Women

[Scene opens backstage where Rocko Daymon and Caitlyn are walking down the hallway toward the pre-match interview position. They pass by a utility closet and as they do, it slowly opens not making a single sound. Staring at Rocko and Caitlyn as they are making their way is none other than Stalker. Even though the closet is dark you can tell that Stalker is smiling to himself as he watches them pass by. Finally, Rocko and Caitlyn turn the last corner toward the interview set-up, where we hear a random crew member give them instructions before the camera rolls.]

Stalker: Rocko.. oh Rocko.. hehheh... Welcome to my World Rocko.. once again.. haha...

[Stalker closes the closet door back up and the scene fades to.....

......the backstage area where Empire Pro’s own Messiah of the Microphone, MOJO MASSEY stands with a mic in hand. His interviewee is ROCKO DAYMON, who stands in his ring gear and wearing a ‘Stop the cocXXXwab!’ t-shirt. Caitlyn Daymon, who happens to be wearing all black, stands at his side.]

Mojo!: Thanks for joining me moments before your match, Rocko. Concerning EVERYTHING that’s happened over the past few weeks, there’s a BEVY of questions on all our minds, and I hardly know where to begin.

Rocko Daymon: If your first question is, “Damn Rocko, why are you so unbelievably KICK-ASS??”, then you’re stupider than you look.

Mojo!: Stupider isn’t a word.

Rocko Daymon: What, are you some sort of English major all of a sudden?

Mojo!: Uh anyway, Rocko, I’m sure we’d all like to get some insight concerning several matters, ranging from disparaging remarks about the World Champion’s gender, to your match in just a few moments against ‘Triple X’ Sean Stevens to move on to the finals of the King of the Cage tournament, to this matter with the masked man getting involved in your matches, or should I say, masked PERSON.

[Caitlyn throws him a threatening look. Rocko is oblivious, his anger rising over something else.]

Rocko Daymon: Wait a minute, did I just hear ‘Masked Man’? Damnit, Mojo, I thought we were OVER THIS!! There’s no masked man. Say it with me now!

[Rocko grabs Mojo around the jaw and press his cheeks together with every word.]

Rocko & Mojo!: THERE’S! NO! MASKED! MAN!

Rocko Daymon: See, now that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Mojo!: But what about the footage? What about the eyewitness accounts?

Rocko Daymon: It’s all BULLSH*T, Mojo! Naturally, I can’t expect you to understand that, but then, that’s why you’re standing here with the mic.

[Said mic is taken from Mojo’s hand and Rocko steps up to face the camera directly.]

Rocko Daymon: It’s no secret I’m a HATED man here in Empire Pro. People still want to point their finger and say, ‘You turned your back on us, Rocko! You’re a traitor and a coward, and you have no place being here!’ But regardless of all of that, I’m HERE, and as long as I am, nobody’s safe! Tonight, I’ll step into that ring and make an example of Planet Earth’s FAILURE, Sean Stevens and put myself within one match of a shot at the World Title.

[He tosses Mojo a glance.]

Rocko Daymon: And I’ll do it ON MY OWN!

[He turns back to the camera. Mojo is seen rolling his eyes, while Caitlyn tries to hide a smile.]

Rocko Daymon: Whether or not anybody in this fed has anything to say about that remains to be seen. Tonight, the streak continues, and Empire Pro’s MOST HATED MAN comes one step closer to being it’s champion!

[Rocko shoves the mic back into Mojo’s hands and heads to the ring, calling over his shoulder.]

Rocko Daymon: Wish me luck, babe!

Caitlyn Daymon: Uh, yeah, good luck.

[Caitlyn wears a fake smile and waves after him until he’s gone.]

Caitlyn Daymon: ….putz.

Mojo!: Just WHO do you think you’re fooling, Caitlyn?

Caitlyn Daymon: I don’t need to fool ANYBODY to reach my goal, Mojo. As long as the fool doesn’t know a thing, everything goes according to plan.

Mojo!: What plan?

Caitlyn Daymon: Don’t be an idiot, Mojo. After being married to that ape for nearly seven years, putting up with all his bullsh*t promos and DIY attitude, it’s HIGH TIME I got the pay-off.

Mojo!: But what about the other competitors, like ‘Triple X’ Sean Stevens?

Caitlyn Daymon: Stevens? He’s as much a puppet in this game of mine as my husband is. Regardless of how things pan out in the ring tonight, *I* will ultimately be the deciding factor. As long as the two of them are too stupid to figure it out, I’ve got no worries.

Mojo!: You’re not going to get away with this.

Caitlyn Daymon: That so? You think I can be stopped, Mojo? Come on, try to stop me.

Mojo!: …uh….. huh?

Caitlyn Daymon: Think you can stop me? Just try it. Come on, I DARE you, *****!

[Unsure at first, Mojo braces himself as though barring Caitlyn from the entrance to the ring. A QUICK RIGHT HAND sends him sprawling off camera, knocking the shot slightly off balance. With an evil snicker, Caitlyn walks off toward the ring.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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KOTC Semifinals: Rocko Daymon vs. "Triple X" Sean Stevens

[“Stones from the Sky” by Neurosis hits the PA. The arena is filled with LOUD BOOING almost immediately.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, our next event for the evening is a SEMI-FINAL ROUND for the KING OF THE CAGE TOURNAMENT!! Introducing first… hailing from Tacoma, Washington, and weighing in at 243 pounds… HERE IS… RRRRROOOOOCCKKOOOOO DAAAAAYYYYMMOOOOOONNNN!!!!!

[Daymon appears from the entry-way, and the boos get even louder. Taunting the fans, Daymon makes his way to the cage.]

DT: Daymon’s come under a lot of scrutiny lately due to his comments over the World Champion. That, and considering his somewhat controversial history, he’s quickly becoming one of the more HATED competitors among the Empire Pro ranks.

MN: Dunno why. The man has BALLS!

DM: And you like balls, don’t you, Mike?

MN: On a man who is trying to be a man? Yeah. I’m sure you prefer them dangling in your face.

DM: …touché.

[Daymon enters the cage and slides into the ring. He goes to the far corner and seats himself. Meanwhile, “Public Service Announcement," by Jay Z as the lights dimmed and the crowd cheers throughout the opening sequence of the song.

"Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself, my Name Is…"

TF: And his opponent… hailing from Orlando, Florida, and weighing in at 245 pounds… HERE IS… “TRIPLE X”…. SEEEEEEEEAAAAAN SSSSTEEEEEVVVEEEEENNNSSS!!!!!

[Fireworks. …as the curtain parts and "Triple X" Sean Stevens walked through, with his hair soaking wet, clad in a 100% cotton, "Blue-Eyed Badass™" t-shirt, black tights, with neon blue X’s on the legs and rear. Sean pauses at the top of the ramp, giving the audience the once over, then thrusts his arms in the air before continuing his walk down to the ring. Once at ringside, Sean points in the direction of a few of the members in the audience with signs promoting one of his many nicknames, before entering the ring, and hoping on the nearest turnbuckle, as his theme comes to an end.]

DT: Both men are in the ring… the cage door is closed… and there’s the bell to signal the start of this match.

DM: Many heated words were spoken between these two men earlier in the week. This should be an interesting match…

DT: Daymon comes to his feet and approaches Stevens in the center of the ring… both men begin circling each other… and Daymon shoots in low for a takedown, but Stevens blocks the attempt and remains on his feet! Stevens tosses Rocko aside…

DM: Great grappling defense on the part of Sean Stevens. If Daymon got him on his back, he’d be in a bad position.

DT: Both men circling each other again… there’s the lock-up! Stevens quickly slips Daymon into a side headlock! Daymon quickly reverses, slips behind Stevens and locks on a hammerlock! Stevens counters with a back elbow to the face, and Rocko backs off…

DM: Quite an even match-up. Both of these men are roughly the same height and weight… both have been in the industry for about the same length of time. Sean Stevens has a certain sort of natural finesse in his wrestling, whereas Rocko Daymon possesses a sort of raw, unrelenting brutality.

MN: That, and a set of coconuts dangling between his legs…

DT: I won’t ask why you’re thinking of coconuts, Mike… back in the cage, Daymon and Stevens circling for the third time… there’s the lock-up! But Stevens shoves Daymon back, and BLATANTLY slaps him across the face!

MN: Uh-oh.

DT: And Rocko responds by taking Stevens by the head and RAMMING IT into the cage wall! A second time! A third time! My God, a FOURTH AND FIFTH TIME for added effect! Stevens falls to the mat clutching his face…

MN: His head looked like it was going to be crushed like a melon!

DT: Daymon in control, laying a few boots into Stevens’ upper back to keep him on the ground… and takes a moment to taunt the booing audience around him! Now he’s getting Sean Stevens to his feet… sets him up, and DROPS HIM with a vertical suplex! Rocko quickly gets to his feet and hits the ropes… goes for a JUMPING FIST DROP, but NOBODY HOME as Sean Stevens rolls to the side!

DM: Like punching a brick wall… Daymon’s knuckles won’t be feeling too good in the morning.

DT: Daymon on his feet holding his hand… and he’s met with a DROPKICK to the face from Sean Stevens! Daymon up again, but put down on his back with a hip-toss that leaves him in a sitting position! Stevens capitalizes with a SNAPMARE!

DM: Solid comeback from Sean Stevens. If he keeps the momentum on his side, he can quickly derail Rocko.

DT: Stevens taking advantage of his opponent while on the mat… grabs him by the leg, and puts a boot into Rocko’s thigh! Grabs his leg again, and hits him with a SECOND! Goes for a third strike—but Daymon kicks him in the face this time! Stevens reels back, and Rocko has the time to make it to his feet and get into a three-point stance… and PASTES Stevens into the CAGE WALL with a running body tackle!

DM: Daymon wasn’t going to be fooled on the third time! He’s also making great use of the cage environment.

DT: Daymon pushes Stevens off the ropes… he returns with a CLOTHESLINE—and Rocko NARROWLY ducks it! He hits the opposite ropes and returns again, but Rocko Daymon meets him with a TILT-A-WHIRL SIDE SLAM that puts Sean Stevens flat on the mat!

MN: You see? That’s how a PROFESSIONAL gets the job done!

DM: Mike, you’ve never even stepped into a professional wrestling ring. How would YOU know what professional is?

MN: Well, obviously, it’s everything Rocko Daymon is! Just see for yourself.

DT: Daymon brings Stevens back up off the mat… puts him down again with a scoop slam, and drops a LEG over the face for extra emphasis! Now he takes him by the arm… and locks him in a Sitting Scissor Armbar!

DM: Submission holds don’t win cage matches, but they do their part. Daymon can gets some rest while keeping the pressure on his opponent, and you never know, Stevens may need to use that arm to climb out of the cage later in the match, and it would be hard to do that while it was banged up.

DT: But Stevens isn’t staying down for long! He’s muscling his way back to his feet, and lays a few punches into Daymon’s face to get him to release the hold! Both men scramble to their feet… and Stevens QUICKLY nails Daymon with a SWINGING NECK BREAKER to put him down to the mat!

DM: Stevens back on his feet… runs to the ropes… NAILS DAYMON WITH AN ASAI MOONSAULT!! He had GREAT elevation on that move!

DT: Stevens is unrelenting… gets Daymon back to his feet, follows that with a HARD Irish Whip to the corner! Stevens charges in… PASTES ROCKO DAYMON with a BIG Corner Splash!

DM: Stevens excels with high-velocity moves and going all out to get the job done. It’s no wonder he’s been as successful as he has been.

DT: Daymon falls into a sitting position, and Stevens quickly runs to the opposite corner… he runs in going for a HIGH-ELEVATION MISSILE DROPKICK—BUT DAYMON ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT, and Stevens comes CRASHING into the turnbuckle!

DM: But as you can see there, going all out is a double-edged sword.

DT: Daymon takes a breather, and proceeds to stomp the living daylights out of “Triple X” Sean Stevens, who’s still tangled up in the corner! Stevens can hardly defend himself! Now Daymon reaches down and takes Stevens by the hair…

MN: Oh no, not his cascading locks of GOLD!!

DT: Rocko Daymon YANKS “Triple X” Sean Stevens out of the corner by his HAIR!! My GOD!! Daymon keeps his grip as he brings Stevens back to his feet… and RAKES HIS FACE ACROSS THE STEEL CAGE WALL!!

MN: I hope he tears his face to shreds!

DM: That’s an odd thing to hear out of you. You aren’t, perhaps, jealous of his looks, are you?

MN: I’m not jealous of anybody. I just happen to hate people who look better than me.

DM: With that face, Mike, I guess you must hate a lot of people!

MN: Hardy-har, Dean… actually, if that’s the case, then I can rest assured knowing I don’t hate either of YOU!

DM: …touché.

DT: Daymon’s been particularly vicious during this match…

MN: Well, why wouldn’t he be? He’s pissed off that this federation has a woman for a champion!

DM: You better shut your mouth, Mike, before the World Champion comes down here and shuts it for you…

DT: Back in the ring, Daymon is in full control… he hooks Stevens around the waist… GERMAN SUPLEXES HIM INTO THE CAGE WALL!! My God, I thought the whole thing was going to come apart there for a second…

DM: Again, Daymon knows how use the cage surrounding the ring to his advantage. That’s what got him into the semi-finals.

DT: That, and a little help from his wife…

MN: Damnit, Dave, you’re impossible…

DT: YOU’RE the impossible one! Back to the match… Rocko Daymon brings Sean Stevens to his feet again… sets him up in a standing head-scissor headlock. Hooks him around the waist… LIFTS HIM UP… AND DRILLS HIM WITH A JUMPING PILEDRIVER!! Jesus, he could have broken his neck!

DM: Daymon brings Stevens to his feet again. I noticed neither man has made an attempt to leave the cage at this point, which isn’t that bad of an idea, considering how much punishment both of these men can take.

DT: Daymon is looking to finish things as he whips Stevens into the corner… HERE COMES THE PHANTOM TRAIN—BUT STEVENS DIVES OUT OF THE CORNER, and Daymon goes BACK-FIRST into the turnbuckle!

MN: Oooohh… derailed.

DM: Stevens has an opportunity to turn things in his favor, which is what he sorely needs right now…

DT: Rocko Daymon stumbles out of the corner… and Sean Stevens quickly hits the ropes and NAILS HIM WITH A FACE-CRUSHER!! Daymon attempts to get back up, but Stevens catches him with a low drop-kick to the face to keep him grounded!

DM: Stevens is bringing Daymon back onto his feet, and he has him right where he wants him… hooks the leg, and PUTS HIM DOWN AGAIN with a Fisherman Suplex!

DT: Stevens has his opponent right where he wants him… now he’s going to the near corner and scaling the turnbuckle!!

DM: These high-risk moves always run the risk of backfiring, but the pay-off is well worth it.

DT: Sean Stevens is perched on the top rope… HE LEAPS OFF… AND HE NAILS IT!! ROCKO DAYMON JUST GOT BLASTED BY A TOP-ROPE FROG SPLASH!!

DM: Daymon is in a world of hurt… and now would be a good time for Stevens to get out of that cage.

DT: Looks like Sean is one step ahead of you as he heads to the door—BUT WAIT!! Daymon’s, from his place on the mat, reaches out and BARELY grabs Stevens by the ankle!

MN: Looks like EPW’s greatest example of MANHOOD is still alive and kicking!

DT: Stevens tries to shake him off, but Daymon keeps his grip and grabs onto his foot with his other hand! Now he’s making it to his feet. Stevens is bouncing on one leg—and HE GOES FOR THE ENZIGURI—BUT DAYMON RELEASES HIS FOOT AND BACKS UP, and Stevens HITS the mat hard!

DM: Daymon’s leaning on the ropes to take a breather. He’s still recovering from that devastating frog splash…

DT: Stevens is quickly back on his feet and meets Daymon with forearm to the face! A couple more shots to the face, and he’s got Rocko backed up into the corner!

DM: Looks like Daymon is in La-La Land!

DT: Stevens is looking to finish him off… he’s setting Rocko Daymon up to the top rope! Now Stevens is going up with him!

MN: Uh-oh, what’s gonna happen?

DM: This could be big…!

DT: Both Stevens and Daymon are perched up top… Sean Stevens GOES FOR A TOP-ROPE HURRICANRANA—BUT ROCKO COUNTERS WITH A POWERBOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE!!

DM: MY GOD!! From that height, Stevens was nearly BROKEN IN HALF!!

DT: Stevens is flat as a pancake on the mat… and now Rocko is repositioning himself on the top rope! HE DIVES OFF… AND NAILS SEAN STEVENS WITH A FROG SPLASH OF HIS OWN!!!

DM: I guess Rocko sees that as an eye for an eye! Or is he simply trying to out-do Stevens?

MN: I give Stevens a 8, in spite of a shaky landing. Daymon’s form was lacking, but he gets a little extra for timing.

DT: His timing couldn’t be better as he has successfully turned this match back into his favor! Daymon back on his feet, and takes a breather… and goes to Stevens, where he proceeds to MERCILESSLY stomp him in the face and shoulder!

DM: Daymon’s getting pissed… and that just makes him more dangerous.

DT: He brings Sean Stevens back to his feet… takes him by the face… DROPS HIM with a heavy Russian Legsweep!! Keeps the hold in place as he gets to his feet again… and NAILS HIM with a SECOND RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!! He picks him up for a THIRD… gets him into position—FLIPS OFF THE AUDIENCE—AND HAMMERS HIM TO THE MAT AGAIN!!

DM: Stevens is getting man-handled in that cage! And it looks like Daymon is finally ready to finish this one off! He gets Sean Stevens to his feet… hooks both arms—THIS COULD BE THE BRAIN ROCKER—

DT: But STEVENS COUNTERS WITH A BACK-BODY DROP!!

MN: A little fight left in him, it seems…

DT: Daymon back on his feet and turns around—AND WALKS STRAIGHT INTO AN X-FACTOR!! X-FACTOR OUT OF NOWHERE!! Daymon is knocked back and COLLIDES with the steel cage wall, and hits the mat like a ton of bricks!

DM: Out like a light-bulb! Sean Stevens has taken quite a beating in this match, but in that single move, he has turned everything around in his favor! Daymon is out for the count, and now Stevens is scaling the wall of the cage!

DT: Wait a minute, LOOK WHO IT IS!!

[The camera pans over to the rampway, where the notorious figure in black can be seen making her way to the ring. The hood is pulled up enough for anybody to see that it’s Caitlyn Daymon.]

DM: IT’S CAITLYN DAYMON!!

MN: What?! Where?

DT: Rocko Daymon’s mystery helper looks to be coming to his aid again!

MN: What are you talking about? I don’t see anything!!

DT: Up there on the ramp, you idiot!

MN: Huh? I don’t see anything.

DT: Are you BLIND!?

MN: Doesn’t look like a mystery helper to me. Clearly looks like Caitlyn Daymon.

DT: YOU STUPID—Caitlyn Daymon IS the mystery person!

MN: Well, it’s not a mystery then, is it?

DM: Stevens is working his way up the side of the cage… seems to be having problems after that beating he took from Rocko Daymon. Daymon, meanwhile, is just beginning to stir on the mat.

DT: Caitlyn Daymon has come to a stop at the bottom of the ramp. What does she have planned this time?

MN: What’s the cause for alarm? She just came to watch the match.

DT: She isn’t here to watch anything! She’s going to interfere on her husband’s behalf, and you know it! Don’t deny it!

MN: What are you talking about?! First you say it’s this purported “masked man”, and all of a sudden it’s Caitlyn Daymon? Make up your mind!

DT: I SAID—ugh, just forget it…

DM: Rocko’s finally up on a knee and getting to his feet using the ropes… but Sean Stevens is already nearing the top!

DT: Why is Caitlyn Daymon stalling?

DM: Maybe she’s giving her husband a chance to win it for himself?

DT: DAYMON SPOTS STEVENS NEAR THE TOP!! And now he’s using ALL of his remaining strength to climb up after him!

DM: Rocko’s still reeling from that superkick to the face, but he’s scaling that cage pretty quick! But is he too late?! Sean Stevens is at the top, and he has one leg over! All he has to do is get the other leg over, and it’s merely a matter of climbing down safely!

DT: Stevens bringing his other leg up… BUT ROCKO LUNGES UP AND TAKES AHOLD OF IT!! OH MY GOD, HE LOOSES HIS FOOTING!! HE’S DANGLING FIFTEEN FEET ABOVE THE RING BY SEAN STEVENS BOOTSTRAPS!!

MN: What a cliffhanger!

DT: Stevens tries to shake him off… but Daymon REGAINS HIS FOOTING on the cage! That was a close one…

DM: But now Sean Stevens has bigger problems! Daymon pulls himself to the top of the cage—where Stevens meets him with a HARD RIGHT HAND that nearly knocks him back into the ring! Daymon is hanging tight using just his index and middle fingers! Meanwhile, Stevens brings his other leg over the cage, and he’s OUT!

DT: But he’s gotta touch the arena floor! But Daymon LUNGES OUT and catches Stevens with a big right hand! Stevens nearly LOSES HIS GRIP—BUT DAYMON CATCHES HIM!! Daymon slings his arm over his head, reaches over the cage, and grabs him by the waist…

DM: He’s looking to suplex him BACK INTO THE CAGE?!

DT: Daymon going for the SUPLEX—BUT STEVENS BLOCKS IT!! Stevens SHAKES him off… but Rocko BLASTS HIM AGAIN WITH A BIG RIGHT HAND, and AGAIN locks him into a suplex position!

DM: He’s in trouble now…

DT: Daymon AGAIN GOES FOR THE—BUT STEVENS LOCKS HIS LEGS INTO THE CAGE, and BLOCKS the attempt again!

DM: Hell or high water, Sean Stevens is NOT allowing himself to be suplexed back into that ring!

DT: Stevens HAMMERS Rocko Daymon with an elbow across the face! A SECOND!! He’s trying to knock Daymon OFF THE CAGE and TUMBLING INTO THE RING!! Stevens HITS HIM WITH A THIRD… A FOURTH…

MN: Rocko’s grip is SLIPPING!

DT: Stevens with a—NO! DAYMON BLOCKS IT, AND COUNTERS WITH A HEADBUTT THAT NEARLY BUSTS SEAN STEVENS NOSE OPEN!! Daymon regains his grip, and now he grabs ahold of Sean Stevens, and steps up to the very top of the cage wall!

DM: Just what the hell is he trying now?

DT: Daymon brings Stevens up with him… HOOKS BOTH ARMS, AND—OH MY GAAAWWWDD!! DOUBLE-ARM DDT, OFF THE CAGE WALL AND BACK INTO THE RING!! MY GOD, HE DRILLED HIM HEAD-FIRST INTO THE MAT FROM FIFTEEN FEET ABOVE THE MAT!!

DM: Absolutely DEVASTATING!! Rocko Daymon NARROWLY saves himself from defeat… but that move took just as much out of him!!

MN: Better to be hurt than to be a loser, I guess.

DT: The match STILL continues, but now both men are laying prone in the ring. I don’t know what—WAIT A MINUTE!! Who just jumped the barricade?

DM: It’s…

….

….

….

….

ICE TRE!!!!

MN: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!

DT: MY GOD, it IS Ice Tre!! How in the HELL is he still alive?! Stevens practically CRIPPLED HIM last week!!

DM: And now he’s got a score to settle! Ice Tre is climbing the cage wall, trying to get into the ring. …did ever occur to him that he could have just entered through the DOOR?

MN: You can’t count on Ice Tre for making things all that practical…

DT: Both competitors are still on the mat in the ring… but Rocko is showing signs of life! Now he’s dragging himself past Stevens, and toward the cage door! Meanwhile, Ice Tre is nearing the top of the cage on the outside!

DM: Or maybe he has something else in mind…?

DT: Daymon’s only a few feet away from the cage exit… Ice Tre is coming to the top! And now he’s THERE! ICE TRE IS PERCHED ON TOP OF THE CAGE, and SEAN STEVENS is LAID OUT IN FRONT OF HIM!!

MN: This is like shooting fish in a barrel! Stevens can’t even DEFEND himself!

DM: Looks like Ice Tre’s going to get his revenge!

DT: ICE TRE OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE WITH A SENTON SPLASH—OH MY GOD, HE MUFFED IT!!

DM: JESUS CHRIST, HE HIT DAYMON?!?

MN: That IDIOT?!? How in the hell do you screw up a SENTON SPLASH when you’re opponent is practically DEAD?!

DT: Daymon just got NAILED by that Senton Splash from Ice Tre, and now the both of them are laying dazed on the mat… but now Stevens is showing signs of life! Stevens… EVER SO SLOWLY is crawling toward the cage door!

DM: Meanwhile, Rocko’s finally coming to his senses… and now he’s coming to his feet, and GOING UP THE CAGE WALL!!

DT: It’s gonna be a photo finish!! Stevens is feet away from the door, and now Daymon’s halfway up the cage wall! Ice Tre is… well, STILL lying on the mat.

DM: Daymon is finally coming to the top, but Stevens is at the door! The referee opens it, and now it’s just a matter of climbing those last few inches to the arena floor!

DT: Stevens inching his way out, as Daymon crosses over the top of the cage and begins to make his way down…

MN: He’s gotta DROP—

DT: BUT HE’S A SECOND TOO LATE!! STEVENS PULLS HIMSELF OUT, AND THIS MATCH IS OVER!!

[The bell rings as “Triple X” Sean Stevens slides to the arena floor. Rocko Daymon comes down the rest of the cage, looking flabbergasted.]

TF: Here is you winner, as a result of escaping the cage…

“TRIPLE X”…. SEEEEEEEAAAAAN STEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEENNSSSS!!!!!!!!

DT: Stevens squeaks by in this round… and Daymon is absolutely PISSED!!

[Shaking her head with disgust, Caitlyn Daymon goes back up the rampway and disappears.]

DM: Maybe Caitlyn should have helped him out after all.

MN: Rocko was CHEATED, damn it! He ALMOST HAD IT, if freaking Ice Tre hadn’t stuck his nose into things!

DT: Ice Tre, meanwhile is… well, he’s STILL lying prone in the ring. As for Rocko getting cheated, I can’t help but think it’s all karma coming around, considering how he won his LAST two matches, thanks to his masked helper, or his wife.

MN: For the last time, Dave, there’s NO MASKED MAN!! Ice Tre should have stayed at the hospital sucking his food through straws…

DT: Regardless, Stevens moves on to the KING OF THE CAGE FINALS after a HARD-FOUGHT victory. Rocko Daymon, well… looks like he’ll have to prove his manhood through other means.​
 

DBrunkGXW

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The Social Club Returns....

[Cut backstage, where we find Joey Melton and Cameron Cruise making their way back to their locker room, their newly returned tag team titles draped across their shoulders. As they turn the corner, they nearly walk right into ... Richard Farnswirth.]

Farnswirth: “Good evening, gentlemen.”

[Neither man replies. They just stare at him, wondering what he's here for.]

Farnswirth: “I know, I know. You're delighted to see me. Save the gushing. I see that you're once again wearing those belts that rightfully belong to the Highland Park Social Club.”

[Cruise starts to interject, but Farnswirth waves his hand at him.]

Farnswirth: “Save it. We all know that you'd have never taken those belts from us if Dan Ryan hadn't barred me from competing. As great as you think you are, the HPSC is quite simply better.”

MN: “Did he just insult Melton?”

DT: “I think he did. Are you going to go into a tizzy now?”

Farnswirth: [smirking] “Now, I' don't suppose that the two of you will be smart enough to know when you're outclassed and just hand over those belts. After all, you're no strangers to vacating titles.”

DM: “Haha, apparently Farnswirth has been keeping track of things during his "hiatus".”

[Cruise once again steps forward to get in Farnswirth's face, but Farnswirth cuts him off.]

Farnswirth: “I didn't think so. How disappointing.”

[Just then, Cruise is leveled from behind. He staggers forward toward Farnswirth, who boots him in the midsection before spinning and ramming him head first into the concrete corridor wall. Melton spins to see who attacked him, and we see ... ]

DT: “ADAM BENJAMIN!!”

DM: “I can't believe it. Why is Yours Truly helping out the Highland Park Social Club?”

MN: “That filthy blueblood!”

[Benjamin lands a hard right hand against Melton's head, knocking the tag belt off his shoulder. Melton attempts to reach for the belt, but Benjamin grabs it quickly and absolutely FLATTENS a recovering Joey Melton with it. Farnswirth steps forward and shakes hands with Benjamin.]

Farnswirth: “I told you this would be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

DT: “Is Benjamin in the HPSC now?”

[Farnswirth stands over the fallen CCP.]

Farnswirth: “When you wake up, have someone play this videotape for you. Then you'll know that the Highland Park Social Club is coming for those titles. Shine them up real nicely for us!”

[Farnswirth and Benjamin disappear around the corner as the camera focuses on the carnage in the hall.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Foxxy La-dy (Hendrix reference for you, Amy)

What a drag... Apparently Karl wouldn't be there after all. Foxx sat cross-legged on the ground, taking occasional glances at video of what was going on in the ring and fumbling with a tiny piece of Hell some people considered calling a cell phone. She'd tried using the autocall feature or whatever it's called and wound up everywhere but where she wanted to be... several times.

With an irritated huff, she finally gave up, taking a second to recall the number from memory and dialing it in. She held for the ringing a minute before perking slightly at the answer. Her expression shifted to slight annoyance.

FOXX: "Hey, where are you? I could swear you said you'd be here... Mhm... Yup... I figured as much. Ah well, it can't be helped."

She rolls her eyes. Right...

FOXX: "I was gonna bring the subject up in person, but since you aren't showing up I guess I'll just ask now. I feel like somethin new; wondered if you wanted ta take a crack at a tag team. You're the only one I know all that well and the only one I'd trust to watch my back for sure. Heh, that and you're a damn good competitor. If you're not up to it I'll understand... Uh huh... Awesome!"

The excited smile and reaction kind of give away the answer.

FOXX: "I'll bring up the subject then! ...Or rather... I uh... already have... What? I could have taken it back if you didn't like the idea!"

She shoos the camera away quickly and continues the conversation alone.
 

DBrunkGXW

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KOTC Semifinals: "Extremely Bisexual" Beau Michaels vs. JA

[CUEUP: ‘Satisfaction' by Benny Benassi and the Biz. The lights go down and strobe lights hit … ‘Extremely BiSexual' Beau Michaels walks out wearing tight short shorts, and no shirt. He has Cyndi Lauper circa 1984 eye makeup on. Michaels stops and points to the back. A giant chicken comes down leading five young men by chains .. the young men are wearing chains around their waist. They’re not wearing much else. On their backside is a little circle sign saying ‘Entry Here’ and on the front, their penises are covered by crew socks, which are held in place by the chains. Michaels waits for the Chicken to walk them down the rampway and doesn't move until they circle him, pick him up, and carry him to the ring.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… the following contest is a semi-final round match-up of the Empire Pro KING OF THE CAGE TOURNAMENT!! Introducing first… hailing from West Hollywood, California, and weighing in at 230 pounds… HERE IS… “EXTREMELY BISEXUAL”…… BEAU…. MIIIICHAAAAEEELLLLSSS!!!

MN: You know, it’s bad enough that anybody has to WRESTLE this guy… but to be locked in a cage with him? That’s just cruel…

DT: Beau Michaels has earned his place in the semi-finals of the King of the Cage Tournament, even if his past two victories are all something we’d rather forget…

[Cue up "Eat the Rich" and JA stands behind a silhouetting curtain so that you can only see a shadowed outline of him, back facing the door and wingspan outstretched. Then, as soon as the lyrics kick in, a giant bang of pyro blows up and JA hops around through the curtain with Lollipop following behind him.]

TF: And his opponent… hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and weighing in at 219 pounds… “THE ANGLO LUCHADOR”….. JAAAAAAAAYYY-AAAAAYYYYY!!!

DT: JA is perhaps one of Empire Pro’s most prolific stars, and I’m sure everybody knows he’s determined like hell to be the next World Champion…

DM: Tonight, he’s got the opportunity to enter the finals… although I’m sure right now, he wants to be ANYWHERE but where he’s going.

[JA enters through the cage door, which is shut behind him. He keeps a safe distance from his opponent. Michaels watches him ecstatically, rubbing his loin region and puckering his lips.]

MN: Good God…

DT: There’s the bell, and this match is underway! Beau Michaels advances, and JA… quickly circles around him, keeping his distance.

MN: Yeah, he’ll want to keep his distance as much as possible.

DT: Both men circling each other… and there’s the lock-up! JA steps forward and hits Michaels with a knee to the mid-section! He quickly follows up with an Arm Wrench! TWISTS it hard to send Michaels flipping onto his back, and drops an ELBOW into the inner-bicep!

MN: That’s the arm Beau Michaels uses to, you know… “touch” his opponents. JA don’t want none of that.

DT: JA brings Michaels back to his feet, still holding onto the arm… and quickly whips him into the ropes! Michaels returns… and JA leaps over him! Michaels hits the other set of ropes, and JA catches him with a HURRICANRANA!

DM: Beau Michaels got sent for the loop!

MN: Though I’m sure he didn’t mind having his face in between JA’s legs…

DT: JA is quick to bring Michaels back on his feet… and DROPS HIM AGAIN with a Snap Suplex! JA back to his feet, and follows up with a knee drop to keep Beau Michaels grounded!

DM: JA’s off to a quick start. And it’s not a bad idea to keep his opponent on his back.

MN: Although knowing Beau Michaels, he probably PREFERS to be on his back.

DT: JA gets Michaels back onto his feet… takes him by the head, and brings him to the cage wall—but MICHAELS GETS HIS FOOT UP and prevents having his face smashed into it! Michaels rams JA FACE FIRST into the cage wall, and follows up with a RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!

DM: Here’s Michaels’ chance to turn things around… both men back on their feet, and MICHAELS DIVES FORWARD WITH A FLYING KNEE that puts JA to the mat, clutching his face in pain!

DT: Michaels is in full control now…

MN: God help us all.

DT: …he brings JA back to his feet… takes him by the arm, and there’s the Irish Whip to the corner! Beau Michaels runs in for a CLOTHESLINE, and connects! Follows up with a BULLDOG OUT OF THE CORNER!!

DM: Beau Michaels is dominating this leg of the match… and now it looks like he’s going to dominate it another way!

DT: Michaels stands over JA and TRIES TO GRAB HIS ASS—BUT JA QUICKLY CRAWLS CLEAR and rolls to the distant corner!

MN: Was he trying to MOUNT him?

DM: I’ve never seen JA move that fast—and he’s a FAST guy!

MN: Probably because his integrity as a HEREOSEXUAL was at stake!

DT: JA snaps to his feet and Beau Michaels comes running after him… and JA puts him into the AIR with a Monkey Flip!

DM: JA sees an opportunity to go for the door… but he’s stopped up halfway as Beau Michaels dives at him from behind and grabs him by the WAIST OF HIS PANTS!!

DT: JA now trying to get away from Beau Michaels, who is threatening to yank his tights down!

MN: RUN, JA! RUN FOR THE OF EVERYTHING STRAIGHT IN THIS WORLD!!

DT: JA finally runs into the nearest corner and hops to the second rope, and—OH MY GOD, WHAT a Moonsault, landing on his feet behind Michaels! JA locks both of Michaels’ arms behind his head… NAILS HIM WITH A SNAP DRAGON SUPLEX!!

DM: It’s a good thing he’s turned this match around in his favor… because Beau Michaels likes to jump on EVERY opportunity he can find to, uh… you know what.

MN: I’m sure he jumps on a lot of things, I just hope we don’t see THAT KIND of jumping any time soon. Nor do I want to see anything that RHYMES with “jumping”.

DT: And now JA brings Michaels to his feet… gets behind him and reaches back, and DROPS HIM TO THE MAT with a Reverse Neckbreaker! JA’s in full control now! He quickly goes to the turnbuckle and climbs to the top rope…

DM: High-risk move!

DT: JA LEAPS OFF WITH THE FROG SPLASH—AND HE NAILS IT!! My God, WHAT a devastating move!

DM: Looks like JA took a little out of himself with that move… but it was well worth it, as Beau Michaels is momentarily incapacitated.

MN: Now he can get his ass out of there…

DT: Looks like he’s thinking the same thing, Mike, cause now he’s scaling the cage wall! Michaels is stirring on the mat, but JA’s making distance!

DM: His light body mass allows him to carry himself much quicker… but it looks like the after effects from that Frog Splash are having a negative effect on him.

DT: You appear to be right, Dean. JA’s face looks like he’s fighting back a lot of pain…

MN: Oh no! Captain Codpiece is finding his second wind!

DT: Beau Michaels now on his knees and comes to his feet with the help of the ropes! JA is nearing the top, and now Michaels begins the chase after him!

DM: He’s got a lot of ground to cover… and he can’t be feeling too well himself, being on the RECEIVING end of that splash! Yet as JA comes to the top, Michaels is already at the halfway point!

MN: JA’s got cross-dressing-hairs on his ass!

DT: JA gets one leg over… but MICHAELS LATCHES ONTO HIS OTHER LEG before he can follow through!

MN: DAMN!!

DT: JA trying in vain to shake off Beau Michaels, but Michaels has his grip in tight!

MN: A little TOO tight if you ask me!

DT: Michaels pulls himself up and RAKES JA across the face to stun him! And now Michaels lifts himself to the top of the cage and gets a leg over the wall!

DM: Could this be the climactic finish??

DT: Michaels slides up behind JA… slides a little closer… and, OH MY GOD, that’s a little TOO close for comfort!! Michaels locks JA into a full-nelson hold and HUMPS AWAY AT HIS BACKSIDE!!

MN: EEEEWWWW!! MY GOD, THAT WAS THE LAST THING I WANTED TO SEE!!

DT: BUT JA SHIFTS HIS WEIGHT TO THE SIDE, AND COMES HURTLING DOWN INTO THE RING, AND BEAU MICHAELS GOES DOWN WITH HIM!!

DM: Suicide dive to save his ass virginity! Both JA and Beau Michaels are laid out in the ring… a truly devastating scene, but DAMN, anything looks good compared to what I just witnessed…

DT: Neither man is moving yet… I think this match might be called a Double DQ if there isn’t any activity after a certain amount of time, but—OH WAIT, Michaels rolls onto his side! He’s still got some fight left within him!

MN: It’s all that raging testosterone…

DT: But now JA is moving too… and he’s on his hands and knees and slowly crawling to the ropes! Michaels, still trying to find the strength to stand…

DM: Both of these men have just exhausted each other… but it’s at this point in the match where we see who has enough left in him to get to the finals!

DT: JA brings himself to his feet with the help of the ropes… and Michaels is back up to one knee! Now Michaels is STANDING, and making his way over to JA—BUT JA FIRES BACK WITH THE BALLTRAP!!





…AND MICHAELS IS UNPHASED!! He seemed to LIKE it!

MN: My God… balls of steel.

DT: Michaels delivers a KNEE to the face to send JA back to the mat! Now Michaels grabs him from behind AGAIN and positions himself behind JA’s backside! He lifts up JA’S LEGS—BUT JA ROLLS FORWARD AND ROLLS MICHAELS UP INTO A VICTORY ROLL!!

DM: Smart thinking. Michaels was going for the Wheelbarrow Suplex!

DT: Both men scramble to their feet… and JA goes for a kick to the gut… FOLLOWS UP WITH THE KARELIN DRIVER!! BEAU MICHAELS HAS BEEN LAID OUT!!

DM: JA HAMMERED him with that Russian Neck Drop! But does he have the strength to capitalize on it?

DT: Both men are collapsed on the mat… but it’s JA who is slowly moving in the direction of the cage door! He’s got about half the distance of the ring to cover, but he’s got quite a lead on Beau Michaels!

DM: This has been one VERY peculiar match… but all that aside, it’s also been very costing on both competitors. JA’s getting close to the cage door now, and… and now I see Michaels is recovering from that Karelin Driver!

MN: Damn! I was hoping JA would’ve at least paralyzed him from the waist down!

DT: Beau Michaels is in the corner, trying to get to his feet… but JA is only a FEW FEET AWAY from exiting the cage! Now he’s pushing himself to his knees and starting to hurry himself! But Michaels is ON HIS FEET, but holding his head in pain!

MN: His booty’s getting’ away!

DT: The referee opens the cage door, and now JA is trying to slide beneath the ropes and slip out of the cage… but MICHAELS DIVES ACROSS THE RING—AND GRABS BOTH OF JA’S ASS-CHEEKS!! MICHAELS IS HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE WITH A STEEL GRIP ON JA’S GLUTS!!

DM: ASS ASSAULT!! Michaels trying to drag JA back into the ring by his ass… but JA manages to grab onto the bottom rope and keep himself from going back! And now Michaels is LIFTING him off the mat…

…by his ASS!!

MN: Gonna be a while before he can sit on the toilet again after this one…

DT: JA, HANGING ONTO THAT BOTTOM ROPE FOR DEAR LIFE!! And Beau Michaels is LICKING HIS CHOPS!! But JA FIRES BACK WITH A DONKEY KICK TO THE MID-SECTION, and Michaels drops him!

DM: JA back on his feet in the ring… quickly hits the ropes for momentum… goes AIRBORN JUST AS MICHAELS TURNS AROUND, AND—

DT: OH MY GOD!! JA FIGHTS FIRE WITH FIRE AND CONNECTS ASS-FIRST WITH MICHAELS FACE!! Michaels is SLAMMED into the ground with JA’S ASS ON TOP OF HIM!!

MN: TOSS THE ANGLO LUCHADOR’S SALAD!!

DT: JA LEAPS off of Beau Michaels and LUNGES for the cage door—AND HE ESCAPES THE CAGE!! JA WINS!! JA MAKES IT TO THE FINALS!!

[JA can be seen on the floor outside the ring fervently wiping himself off as though covered in invisible dirt. He seems to be resisting the urge to vomit.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… here is your winner… “THE ANGLO LUCHADOR”…. JAAAAYYYYY-AAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!

MN: And Heterosexuality wins again! Although I wonder if Beau Michaels is happy with what he got…

DM: Thank God that match is over. Now I feel like I need to take a cold shower…

DT: In any case, both men put up a very spiriting effort. But in the end, it was JA who persevered and moved on to the finals!​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Zanders Gets Medical Attention

[Fade in to a shot of Arson Zanders being stretchered out of the arena into an awaiting ambulance. Blaine Richards is seen walking alongside the stretcher.]

Blaine Richards: I'll give you my cell phone number, I want you to call me as soon as he gets to the hospital. I won't be far behind.

EMT: Got ya. Don't worry, we'll take care of him.

[The ambulance drives off as Blaine looks on in a concerned state. A few moments later Erick Zanders arrives huffing and puffing, holding his shoulder in pain.]

Erick Zanders: [panting] Where's Andrew? Is he ok?

Blaine Richards: They just took him away, but he's pretty banged up. Where were you?

Erick Zanders: Bastard planned it. Whoever it was put something against the outside of the locker room door so I couldn't open it from the inside. I finally busted out but I messed up my shoulder pretty good.

[Off camera a security officer comes into the frame.]

Officer: We didn't get a beat on the guy that locked you in there. There's a lot of damage from the door you busted open but no one saw anything suspicious. The arena manager would like to see you though.

Blaine Richards: You better go. I'll head to the hospital and see how Arson's doing. I'll let you know how it goes.

Erick Zanders: Thanks, Blaine. I'll be over there as soon as I can.

[As Erick leaves with the security officer Blaine turns back to watch the lights of the freeway from where he's standing and sighs.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

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The Proletariat Prepare

“Hey, you ready?”

C.P. Nero, one half of the Proletariat, asked his partner C.E. Augustus who was sitting on one of the locker room’s benches. Nero had just come in. Both men were in their ringwear, Augustus still hadn’t put on his wrestling boots. The Proletariat had a shot at the World Tag Team titles taken away, but a renewed shot was still on the line tonight. It wasn’t just any run of the mill Aggression for them, not tonight.

Augustus, the big man, glanced at Nero for a second before focusing on taping his ankles.

“Does it look like I’m ready?” Augustus shot back.

“Hey man,” Nero tried to calm down the big man with a smile. “Just a question, nothing more. So, you want to talk about this upcoming match, or what?” Nero was uneasy, Augustus hadn’t been in a good mood for a week.

“What is there to talk about?” Augustus had just finished taping his ankles. He was tying up the laces on his wrestling boots.

“Well, you know…” Nero wasn’t sure what to say, Augustus and he never talked strategy. “It’s a big match. Leonard will probably get involved.”

“And?”

“And…” Nero struggled for words. “We don’t want that?”

“Okay.”

“Uh, glad we’re on the same page.” Nero let out an uneasy smile.

“Yeah, now I’m ready,” Augustus had just finished tying up his boots. “Let’s go.”

Augustus walked out of the locker room, Nero followed suit. The cameras kept rolling for a few seconds, until the door slowly closed.​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Blitz vs. The Proletariat - PLUS, Leonard Johnson shocks the world

TONY FATORA: Th’ following tag team contest is set for one fall!

Introducing first…

[CUEUP: “Break the Silence” by Killswitch Engage. Nero and Augustus step out too a chorus of boos, as a fan holds up a rather unflattering sign of them with Karl Marx. Neither is really that fussed by it, keeping their noses up at the fans]

TONY FATORA: Weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred and fifty four pounds, “The Second Coming of Marx” C.P. Nero… “The Iron Curtain” C.E. Augustus… THE PROLETARIAT!!

DT: It’s certainly been an interesting time for the Proletariat here in Empire Pro, as they picked up the win at Wrestleverse in Los Angeles against the Motor City Maniacs and Saviours of Wrestling! Who’d’ve thought they’d progress so quickly through a very strong tag division here?

DM: They’re good, no doubt. This is a match up I’ve been waiting to see since the four way in Seattle, it’s going to be interesting.

TONY FATORA: And their opponents…

[CUEUP: “Links 2-3-4” by Rammstein. An explosion as the guitars kick in signals the arrival of Max and Jecht, stepping out behind Leonard Johnson as the crowd really lays into them as the trio make their way to the ring]

TONY FATORA: At a total combined weight of six hundred and sixty six pounds, being led to the ring by their manager, Leonard Johnson… Max… Jecht… BLITZ!!

DT: They were the tag team champions for a week, but you’ve got to wonder what that cowardly attack by the Chronic Collizion took out of them.

MN: HEY! I’ll have none of that said about the TRUE tag champs!

DT: Blitz?

MN: The Chronic Collizion! They never lost the belts, so they’re still champs in my mind.

DT: I thought you were a Joey Melton mark.

MN: A man reserves the right to change his mind.

DT: I’ve only ever heard that saying used to refer to a woman.

MN: Whatever…

DM: Well it was the second time that the Chronic Collizion had laid Blitz out in the ring, the first being back at the first Wrestleverse – Blitz never got to face them after the first one, so I’m guessing they’ve got something in mind this time.

DT: And don’t forget, Dan Ryan stripped Blitz of the titles and returned them to the Cameron Cruise Project! I thought IrishRed was in charge for now?

DM: Don’t look at me! Jecht is FUMING in there, and Max is still looking pissed.

DT: The winner gets a shot at the Cameron Cruise Project at WrestleSTOCK, as announced by Dan Ryan earlier tonight.

MN: You mean the Chronic Collizion.

DT: Whatever, it was a huge reprieve for Melton and Cruise who were stripped of the titles in Des Moines.

DM: Blitz still don’t look happy, but Augustus is stepping out onto the apron, so Nero’s going to be starting – Max is pretty much forcing Jecht out of the ring as Leonard is having words with the biggest man in this match, but it looks like we’re ready to go in this… former title match?

DT: Whatever we call it, Nero charging in as Max has his back turned, and scores with a forearm to the back of the head! He’s going straight for the big man, slugging him again with another hard right hand. There’s the Irish whip, but Max with a shoulder block to take him down!

DM: Even against the smaller of Blitz, Nero’s giving away ninety two pounds. He had the right idea trying to take it to him quickly and not let him get his bearings but that Irish whip was ill advised.

DT: Nero holding the back of his head as Max picking him up, and a short-arm clothesline takes him down again!

DM: This could be a huge match for the Proletariat if they win, but Max seems like he’s keeping his cool, picking Nero up again and applying a standing side headlock.

MN: No way are the Pro’s gonna lose tonight! I mean, just look at Jecht fuming on the outside, he’s gonna get himself disqualified if he gets in there.

DT: Jecht is fuming, but Max looks to be in control with that headlock applied – Nero trying to force him off the ropes, but Max with the hold locked in tight meaning the smaller man’s got to grab the ropes to break the hold! Max with a clubbing blow to the back as he lets go, and now he’s pretty much taunting Augustus to get into the ring!

DM: I don’t know how smart that would be, but Max is… nope, he takes Nero down with a sidewalk slam instead!

DT: One…

Kickout just before the two there, and Max yanks him to his feet! Dragging him over, there’s the tag to Jecht, who comes in with a CLUBBING fist to the exposed ribs! Picking the smaller man up… runs him straight into the corner, and he’s yelling at Augustus to tag himself in!

MN: Maybe I called the wrong guy Big Loafy…

DM: Augustus gladly tagging himself into the match, and Jecht charges in! Augustus sidestepping though, and CLOCKS the big man with a right hand as he turns round! Augustus with another right, and another, Irish whip across the ring, reversal…

MN: NO GO!

DT: Both men still standing after that mid-ring collision, and I know that both have wanted to square off against each other since Seattle – Leonard’s shouting at Jecht from the outside though!

DM: Probably because he let the fresh man in when Blitz had a clear advantage over Nero.

DT: Jecht ignoring his manager, Augustus backing to the ropes… and no dice! Jecht jaw-jacking, runs the ropes himself this time, Augustus bracing… neither man goes down!

MN: This is getting monotonous.

DT: There’s very little weight difference between these two, as they both run the ropes, and Max with a knee to the back of Augustus!

MN: CHEATER!

DT: The referee didn’t see it, and Jecht now taking Augustus by the arm… big arm wringer, and there’s the tag back to Max.

DM: This is why they held the titles for so long – they work well as a team, which is something you didn’t see from the champions last week.

DT: And Max in with a kick to the gut there, Max and Jecht… double suplex on Augustus! The ring just shook with what must be over a thousand pounds slamming down into it!

MN: They wouldn’t be able to do that to Dalkichev.

DT: Jecht’s slammed him before. Regardless, Max picking Augustus up again, driving the point of the elbow into the back of the neck! Steady pace here in the early going from Blitz, and Leonard Johnson’s looking a bit more relieved than he was earlier.

DM: They’re professionals, so even if what happened earlier is affecting them they’re not going to show it that much.

DT: Max in control, applying the side headlock in the centre of the ring – I expected a lot more power-based offence from Blitz, but Max is really slowing it down there with a headlock take down.

DM: Against someone like Nero they’d be able to overpower him, but Augustus is incredibly strong himself, so this is probably the best way to deal with him.

DT: But Augustus showing some of his incredible strength now, trying to shift his weight to lift Max up! Not often we call Max the smaller man in an exchange, but Augustus getting Max back up to a vertical base… and Max standing his ground to stop the suplex attempt NO! Augustus with a clubbing shot to the ribs forces Max to release the hold, and there’s a hard clothesline to take him down!

MN: Booyah!

DT: And Augustus with a kick to the face as Max tries to get up! Just like that the dynamic can shift, and there’s the tag to Nero.

DM: Let’s see if there’s any change of fortune for the smallest wrestler out there this time round.

DT: Augustus with another boot to the head to keep Max down, and there’s a somersault legdrop from the outside by Nero!

One…

TWO…

Easy kickout by Max, as Nero with the quick tag back to Augustus.

DM: Smart move, let the big man dish out the punishment to the other big man.

DT: Augustus holding Max up, Nero sprinting to the ropes… running leg lariat takes Max down! Did you see the impact there?

DM: And Augustus with a choke in front of the referee, trying to wear Max down quickly, breaking the hold at three.

DT: Picks Max up, hard Irish whip into the corner, and a HUGE splash knocking the wind out of the big German! Pulling him out of the corner, big splash-slam!

One…

Two…

Kickout again by Max.

DM: Either Augustus is a lot stronger than I thought, or something’s up, Max isn’t normally dominated this much.

MN: It’s because Blitz are losers, everyone knows that. I mean they couldn’t even try and take out the Chronic Collizion after either attack, so what good are they? Weak.

DT: I wouldn’t say Blitz are weak, but Augustus having his way in there with Max right now, picking him up… back breaker down!

DM: That had to hurt!

DT: And the tag back out, so far both teams have been trying to use quick tags, and Nero comes in with an elbow to the outstretched leg, right on the knee!

DM: I know I say this a lot but attacking the leg of a big man is the best way to go – if he can’t stand he can’t use his strength.

MN: Of course it’s smart, it’s Nero! He got a HUGE insurance pay-out by burning an entire city!

DM: Wrong Nero.

DT: Whatever his namesake did in the past, C. P. Nero is really working over the leg of Max, placing it on the bottom rope… and a HUGE hang-time in mid air there before crashing down against it!

MN: That’s the way! Future World Champs right there.

DT: Nero stomping on the back of the massive leg of Max, and… somersaults over the top to stretch the hamstring right out!

DM: That also bends the knee the wrong way. It’s very good how he’s just focusing on the one leg, it’ll make Max very easy pickings, might even get a submission.

DT: Nero applying a very simple leg lock now, keeping Max right away from the ropes and his own corner. Cutting the ring off and if he wants it’s not too far to move to get the tag, very smart strategy.

DM: And Jecht is still fuming on the outside, I don’t think he got everything out of his system earlier.

DT: He’s going to have a long wait unless Max can get out of this hold – trying to pull the hair of Nero but the ref stopping it. He’s in completely the wrong position to land a clubbing blow or I think that’d break him out of this. Nero releasing the hold on his own, still holding the leg, and there’s the tag to Augustus!

DM: Max is in serious trouble right now, as they make a wish with his legs!

MN: Ow… ow ow…

DT: And the big man going to town with hard stomps as the referee forces Nero out of the ring.

DM: I think maybe what happened earlier really is playing with Blitz, Max is nowhere near at his peak.

MN: No, it’s because the Proletariat are almost as good as the Chronic Collizion, and Blitz can’t compare to them. You’ve seen it time and again, CC have squashed Blitz, and that’s how it should be.

DT: I wouldn’t say that to Blitz in person, Mike, but Max really is in serious trouble here as Augustus picks him up, and slugs him with a HUGE right hand! Grabbing the leg, and a massive kick to the hamstring as Max is trying to keep his balance.

DM: He’s out of it, look how he’s trying to protect that leg.

DT: Augustus with another kick, Max in pain… ENZIGURI!!

MN: HOLY…

DT: Max connecting with a kick to the head! That has to be the biggest enziguri in the history of professional wrestling! Max is trying to struggle over to Jecht

MN: That was impressive.

DT: And Augustus grabbing the leg again! I thought he was knocked senseless, but he had enough bearings to grab the leg. He’s trying to drag Max over to the corner… NO! Max springing up and connecting with a pushing kick which sends Augustus back into the corner! Nero tagging in, Max over, there’s the tag to Jecht!

DM: Here comes trouble.

DT: Nero rushing over but Jecht with a big boot! Augustus coming over, but he’s met with a hard clothesline. Nero back up quickly though, and a NICE dropkick to the face knocking the big man down!

MN: So much for Jecht.

DT: Augustus back up and over to help Nero, looks like a double team coming up – hard right by Augustus, double Irish whip into the corner! Augustus whips Nero in… JECHT CATCHES HIM! Augustus running across the try and help his partner who got caught mid-splash, but Jecht HURLS Nero into him… SPEAR!

DM: He’s still as dominant as ever. Maybe Dan pissed him off more than Max.

DT: He just took Augustus out of his boots, and he’s really laying into him with rights and lefts! Nero’s rolled to the outside, and Jecht is just ignoring the referee!

DM: And the ref is wisely keeping his distance.

DT: Jecht now picking Augustus up, picks him up… sidewalk slam! The cover

One…

TWO…

THNO! Nero in to break up the three count.

MN: Phew!

DT: Nero and Augustus trying to double team Jecht, picking him up BUT JECHT WITH A RIGHT HAND TO NERO! No! Augustus with the kneelift and thumb to the eye to slow the big man down. Irish whip far side, Jecht on the rebound… BIG double hip-toss!

MN: Well that’s that problem over. Just a matter of time now until Blitz bite it.

DT: Don’t count the former champs out just yet, Mike. Nero ducking to the outside to leave it up to Augustus, smart move letting the two big men go at it. Augustus picking Jecht up by the hair, and a hard chop across that massive chest! Lifting the big man up… HARD slam down into the corner! Looks like trouble!

DM: Whenever you get a man over three hundred pounds climbing the ropes it usually does mean trouble.

DT: Augustus sitting himself up on the top rope, cut-throat gesture… NO GO! Jecht gets his knees up as Augustus comes down with a splash!

DM: And the crowd are really coming alive! Neither team has really been at the top of their game, I think Dan’s announcement caught them both really off guard, but it’s still been a hard-hitting match all the same.

DT: Augustus clutching his ribs in there as Jecht is breathing heavy trying to get to his feet, Leonard’s calling him to get the tag, but Jecht shakes his head! Jecht with a hard facewash stomp on Augustus! Jecht with Augustus by the hair, he’s signalling something to the fans… he’s not going to?!?

MN: No way.

DM: He is.

DT: Jecht with Augustus… MILITARY PRESS! OVERHEAD MILITARY PRESS ON THE THREE HUNDRED THIRTY POUNDER!

MN: NO WAY!!

DT: AND HARD down to the canvas goes C. E. Augustus! Oh my god what a show of strength in there from Jecht! He lifted him up like he was a light-weight!

DM: And Augustus is either unconscious or stunned!

DT: Jecht off the ropes, drops the leg!

One!

TWO!

NO! Nero in to break the pin again!

DM: And Jecht has had enough! Grabbing Nero by the throat as Max is shouting at him from the outside, trying to loosen his knee again.

DT: The referee trying to get Jecht to release the choke… CHOKESLAM! Jecht with a HUGE chokeslam on Nero, as Leonard is trying to get him to calm down Jecht shouting back at his manager… and Augustus with the full nelson… SLAM!

One!!

TWO!!

THMAX IN TO BREAK THE PIN!

MN: FINALLY! FOUR WAY BABY!

DM: Bad Mike, no internet porn for you.

DT: Max with Augustus back on his feet, a hard right and a kneelift… neckbreaker takes him down! Jecht struggling back to his feet, I think he got winded on that one, as Nero is back up too! Nero charging in and taking Jecht by surprise with a forearm to the face, the referee has lost all control of this one!

DM: With these four I’m not surprised. It might have been an idea for Dan to change the match to a tornado no disqualification to let them blow off steam.

DT: Nero hammering away on Jecht in the corner as Max hits a HUGE back suplex on Augustus!

One!!

TWO!!

NO!! Augustus getting the shoulder up, and Nero coming to his partner’s aid after hearing the near-fall!

DM: There’s going to be a DQ if this keeps up.

DT: Nero raking the eyes of Max as Augustus pushes the German into the corner. Both men laying into him with boots… AND HERE’S JECHT! Jecht with a huge fist to the back of Augustus’ skull! Nero trying to hit Jecht, but Jecht catches the arm and just HURLS him over the top rope!

DM: If he ever gets a no-DQ match for the World Title and he’s this mad, I’m giving him the win!

DT: Jecht following Nero to the outside, as Max hammers Augustus with a right hand. Things look like they’re settling down now, as Augustus rocks back… Max with an Irish whip, Augustus under the clothesline, takes Max down! Augustus grabbing the leg SMALL PACKAGE

ONE!!

TWO!!

THRENO!! Augustus quickly back to his feet and takes Max down with a kick to the back of the leg as he tries to get up!

DM: That knee’s still bothering him.

DT: Augustus signalling for the end, scooping Max up… Great Leap Forward coming NO! Max sliding out the back door and takes the Marxist down with a Russian Leg Sweep!

MN: A German with a Russian on the American Germanist… OK.

DT: Max shaking the cobwebs as Nero gets sent FLYING into the barrier. Jecht charging in, CLOTHESLINE into the crowd! Max is calling to him, I think he wants to end it!

DM: Could we see Blitzkrieg?

DT: Jecht’s ignoring him! Jecht’s going after Nero, and Leonard is FURIOUS with him! Max trying to get his partner’s attention BUT AUGUSTUS FROM BEHIND!

MN: BOOYAH!!

DM: Stop saying that!

DT: Augustus with Max clutched, lifts him up… holding him for the supleK FOURTEEN!! K FOURTEEN! THAT SUPLEX INTO A PILEDRIVER IN THE CENTRE OF THE RING!!

DM: And Leonard’s still trying to get Jecht!

DT: ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!! THE PROLETARIAT HAVE DONE IT!!

[SFX: dingdingdingding]

TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen your winners, by pinfall… THE PROLETARIAT!!

DT: What a HUGE win for the Proletariat! Beating the former tag team champions cleanly in the ring!

MN: They should be champs now! They got screwed!

DM: I know, Mike, but Dan did what he did. I think that whole thing played on Blitz a lot, but take nothing away from Augustus as Jecht is coming running back to the ring! And the Proletariat will now get their shot at the Cameron Cruise Project.

DT: He let his temper get the better of him and it cost his team. Leonard checking on Max as Augustus leaves the ring, celebrating with Nero in the aisle! What a win for them.

DM: Jecht checking with Max now, it looks like Max is OK, a little groggy but he’s standing up – and he doesn’t look too fussed about Jecht not being there for the save!

DT: And Leonard Johnson now… asking for the mic? What’s this about?

DM: I don’t know… he doesn’t look too fussed about the loss either?

LJ: Well, never let it be said that Blitz aren’t professional. We came out here and still wrestled, DESPITE what would have put a lot of people off.

DT: Is he referring to Dan returning the titles to the Cameron Cruise Project?

LJ: Professional we are. But stupid, I most certainly… am… not.

DM: Where’s this going?

LJ: You see, we have been with this company since it first opened. The very first card, from the MCI Centre in Washington DC. Whilst people like Christian Sands, Maelstrom, Zero and others have come and gone, we’ve been constant. Whilst people like Lindsay Troy, Richard Farnswirth et al have come in, we’ve been here all along. And whilst people like Rocko Daymon, the Chronic Collizion, Beast have gone and come back, and gone and come back, we’ve been constant.

DT: Where is this going?

LJ: We’ve been the team to go to in times of crisis. In the singles ranks you’ve got Adam Benjamin and Karl Brown who’ve been here as long as we have, and that’s IT. Whenever we’ve been needed, we’ve been there.

Whenever Dan Ryan needed someone to make tag team wrestling look like something other than an embarrassment, we’ve been there.

When teams have cancelled bookings, or just decided not to show up, we’ve been there. We’ve represented this company in tournaments to show the WORLD that the best tag teams are those that compete in Empire Pro Wrestling.

And what do we get? After over three years, after holding the World Tag Team Titles for over a year and beating team after team after team, where do we find ourselves?

In the middle of a dick measuring contest between IrishRed and Dan Ryan.

MN: Why didn’t either of you “family-show” him?

DT: Quiet Mike, I don’t think he’s done!

DM: This isn’t going to sit well.

LJ: First, Joey Melton no-shows, so we’re given the belts by Beast, against our wishes. Then, Dan Ryan comes out, and gives the belts back to the no-showing Cameron Cruise Project, just to get one over on IrishRed? After we spent over a YEAR making those titles worth something, you treat them like crap?

You two honestly think this is about you? You two honestly think Empire Pro Wrestling is a TOY for you to PLAY WITH for your own personal amusement?

DT: The crowd are stunned… what’s going on? This isn’t in the plan.

LJ: Let me tell you two something. You and your little playmates, Beast, Anarky, and whoever else you feel like elevating because they’re your friends. I, the wrestlers in the back, the fans… NONE OF US care about your petty squabbles starting over in wherever. None of us care which of you is in charge, so long as the cheques don’t bounce and the in ring action if of the highest quality. Because this is a business, the wrestling business.

It certainly is NOT your own personal mastubatory festival.

So, until you two… children, grow up and get your act sorted out, until you’ve stopped playing politics and using other people as your puppets and scoring chips…

I’m exercising a right that I had included at the last contract negotiation, which states that either party may at any time terminate the agreement should either party damage the credibility of the other.

In other words… Max… Jecht… and myself…

Quit.

DT: WOAHLY SH!

DM: NO WAY!!

MN: For being given the belts and having them taken back?!?! LOSERS!!​
 

DBrunkGXW

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Messages
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Location
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James Irish Waxes Poetic - Blitz make a statement

DT: Leonard Johnson leading Max and Jecht out of the ring and back up the aisle… I can’t believe what we just heard! My God! Folks, we have to take a break…we’ll be right back after a word from….James Irish?? Alright folks, let’s take a look.

FADE IN: A silhouette of James Irish's profile, facing stage left, against a plain white background.

James Irish: “*ahem*... The Challenge, a Haiku by James Irish

Television Belt
A good place to get started
Supershow, perhaps?”

[A Japanese flute plays a couple notes followed immediately by a strike of a small drum. James tilts his head and chuckles, seemingly amused. ]

“Woah... I like this new production guy. Nice touch.”

[Fade out.]

DT: Well that was….weird

MN: Heh…you have to admit, the guy is entertaining.

DM: And weird.

MN: But funny.

DM: Funny weird.

DT: [laughing] Okay guys. Let’s get to what we’ve been waiting for, the big main event three way dance between….hold on. I’m getting word on something going on backstage. Let’s hold off on that match and see what’s going on….

[CUT TO: The backstage area, as we see crumpled on the floor, the bleeding mass of Ivan Dalkichev. Near his head, a bent steel pipe, the bend a very steep angle, showing the force it took to lay him out and cause the cut to his forehead. We can hear some more scuffling, but as we pan up, we see Erik Black slumping to the floor, his back against a now slightly cracked wall, as the massive half-Hispanic frame of Jecht stands straight again. Max steps into view, tossing his partner his gym bag, as we notice a small smattering of blood on his arm – presumably Ivan’s, as there are no cuts to be seen. Clapping, Leonard Johnson now enters the scene – a seen of devastation, with pipes disturbed, a table knocked over, scattering water bottles and food dangerously close to power cables. It was evidently a short fight, and the Chronic Collizion were clearly caught by surprise, or they would’ve fought back. Leonard smiles sadistically down at the Russian giant, who, starting to stir, mutters something, until a swift boot by Max puts him back down. Still smiling, Leonard walks over to the slumped figure of Erik Black, and lowers his face level with his]

LJ: “Remember when you attacked us at the first Wrestleverse, you ran away a few weeks later, before we could get payback?

Well… let’s see how YOU like it.”

[Leonard stands up, delivering a swift kick to Erik’s gut, probably in retaliation for the chair attack at said Wrestleverse. He straightens his jacket, before walking over to Max and Jecht]

LJ: “Let’s leave this children’s play-pen. I need to change shoes after stepping in that crap.”

[He points over at Erik, as Max and Jecht both break into laughter. We stay on them as they walk down the corridor, Max limping slightly, and as they disappear from view, we pan back to the carnage, as security and medical teams rush to the scene.]​
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
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Messages
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Points
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Age
46
Location
Katy, TX
MAIN EVENT: Anarky vs. Beast vs. James Irish

DT: Well, Blitz certainly making a point on their way out.

DM: I have it on good authority, Dave that Blitz didn’t appreciate Chronic Collizion’s behavior the first go-round several years back – and this time, at least for now…they’re getting the last laugh.

DT: Folks, coming up in just moments, have we got a main event for you!

DM: I'm interested to see how this goes, that's for sure. This match was personally made by Anarky, and he even allowed Beast to choose the third man in this three way dance!

MN: The only time the term "three-way" should be used is when it involves me, Rebecca Romijn, and all the models from Deal Or No Deal.

DM: Then we'd never get to use it, Neels.

MN: That's tru-HEY! I just meant it should never be used when Big Loafy is involved, that's all.

DT: Okay, Neeely, let's settle down. We'll throw things over to Tony Fatora for the ring introductions!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following three way dance is scheduled for one fall, and is the MAIN EVENT of the evening! Introducing first!

Duke Jupiter's "I'll Drink To You" begins to blare over the PA, and the crowd gets to their feet, letting out a pop.

DC: He stands six feet, three inches tall, and weighs in at 245 pounds... hailing from Fredonia, New York... accompanied by his mangager, Erin Flanagan... he is... JAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES IIIIIIIIIIIIIIRISH!!

DT: As we watch James come down the ramp, there's a guy that really doesn't want to be here.

DM: Correction, Dave. James wants to be here, but he doesn't want to be here under Beast's terms. James isn't here to help Beast fight his battle against Anarky and Dan Ryan, he's here to win this match on his own merit and prove his status here in Empire Pro.

MN: Such noble nonsense.

TF: Aaaand, his opponent!

The sounds of monks chanting plays over the PA, and the crowd starts to cheer, as fog drifts across the stage.

TF: He stands at six feet, six inches tall, and weighs in at 285 pounds... wrestling out of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada... he is the former EPW World Heavyweight Champion... the Alpha Male... BEEEEEEAST!!

A monster red and white pyro explosion at center stage coincides with the crunching guitar of Nickelback's "Figure You Out". Beast steps through the fog and smoke to a big pop and stands at center stage for a few moments, taking in the cheers. He then proceeds to the ring amidst a flurry of moving red and white spotlights.

DT: What a position Beast is in tonight. He had the freedom to choose a third man for this match, and had a huge opportunity to get someone on his side to fight against Anarky. He chose Irish, believing that their mutual friendship with Irishred would bring them together for this match, but Irish turned the tables on Beast, choosing instead to fight this match on his own.

MN: That just goes to show that Beast is a moron. I've been saying that all along.

DM: Beast IS in a rough spot here tonight, but he's been in worse situations. So have all three men in this match, and I'm just looking forward to a great three man match.

TF: And, their opponent!

Tool's "Sober" hits the PA, and the crowd lets out a torrent of boos. Anarky steps out of the back, paying on attention to the fans, but heading straight for the ring, his eyes locked on Beast's.

TF: Standing six feet tall and weighing two hundred and thirty-four pounds, hailing from Hartford, Conneticut, he is the CHAIRMAN of EPW... he is ANARKY!!

MN: Anarky's going to turn Big Loafy into Goo!

DT: Anarky's certainly got some sort of vendetta against Beast, due to Beast and Ryan's relationship, and you know that Anarky's not out here to get his hand raised. He just wants to hurt Beast - and Irish too! It doesn't matter that Beast picked Irish in this match - Anarky will injure him either way!

DM: Anarky's got that ultraviolent streak in him that I'm not sure the other two men in this match have, but Irish is more of a technician, and Beast is just flat out bigger and way stronger than both of these guys, so each man has their own advantage!

DT: That's exactly right, Dean, and it'll all come down to who can use it to their advantage!

As Anarky gets in the ring, he comes right at Beast, but the official steps in the way and keeps the order.

MN: I'm not sure the ref wants to do that. He might just want to step back and let these three guys beat the hell out of each other.

As the official keeps Anarky back away from Beast and Irish at least until he's ready to start the match, Beast turns to Irish and starts talking.

DT: It looks like Beast is trying to talk to Irish one last time about partnering up here tonight to take on Anarky! He's making one last plea to Irish to fight on his side for Irishred!

MN: Bah! Beast is begging for his life, because he knows Anarky is going to tear him apart!

DT: Oh, come on!

MN: Beast wants Irish to save his ass!

DT: Well, whatever it is, Irish isn't buying it! We can see Irish slowly nodding his head and pointing at himself. He wants to fight this one on his own, and Beast doesn't look too happy about... WHOA!!

MN: Anarky broke free from the ref and splashed Irish in the corner!

[ SFX: Ring bell. The crowd boos heavily. ]

DM: And there's a snake eyes on Irish in the corner by the Chairman!

DT: But Beast grabs Anarky, and starts laying in with the right hands! The Chairman starts to fight back, but Beast is really drilling him with those right hands! He's got Anarky backed up to the ropes! BIG CLOTHESLINE and there goes Anarky over the top to the arena floor!

[ Crowd cheers. ]

Beast heads back over to James and helps him up off the canvas, but James just shrugs him off!

MN: Loafy, will you just give up the Boy Scout routine for once?!?

DT: Beast's showing James that he's willing to help him, so why shouldn't James help Beast? And James is CONTINUING to refuse!

MN: Give it up, Loafy!

Finally, Beast steps back and holds up his hands in an "ok, ok", and takes a swing at James! James takes a swing at Beast! Th3e crowd goes NUTS as Beast and James Irish stand toe to toe in the middle of the ring!

DT: Beast and James Irish have EXPLODED right before our eyes, folks!

MN: They're trading right hands like Pokemon cards!

DM: That's SO lame, Neely.

DT: Both men are firing haymakers back and forth, but it's finally Beast with his size and strength that gets the upper hand, and he lands a few more rights to Irish's face before whipping him to the ropes. Irish rebounds, and there's a big spinebuster from the former World Champ!

DM: Take a look boys, but Anarky is skulking around ringside! There he goes into the ring, but he stays in the far corner, away from the action!

DT: Beast has Irish up... BIG backbreaker, and I swore I heard Irish's spine rearrange on that one!

James falls to the canvas, arching his back and clutching at it, yelling out in pain. The official takes a quick look at him, and as he does, Anarky chooses that moment to sprint across the ring...

CLANG!

[ Crowd: BOOOOOOO!!! ]

MN: YES!

DT: ANARKY JUST NAILED BEAST WITH THE RING BELL!! BEAST IS OUT!

Anarky jumps on Beast and starts wailing away at the big man, driving his fists into Beast's forehead!

DM: Every time Anarky pulls his hand back, you can see blood on it! Beast's been busted open!

Finally, the official gets in and breaks Anarky off of Beast, warning him about the closed fists, but Anarky just ignores him, but James Irish tackles Anarky to the canvas! James hooks in Anarky's legs and grabs his arms...

DT: Mexican surfboard from Irish! He's found a great opportunity to end this match, and quickly!

DM: What a move from Irish! I've never seen anyone hook one of those in so fast!

James has Anarky locked in, but it soon becomes apparent that Anarky isn't going to submit. James lets go of the hold, and Anarky falls to the canvas, but James stays right on him and nails a couple boots to the back of Anarky's head. James then pulls Anarky to his feet, hooks him in for a suplex, but hammerlocks Anarky's free arm behind him...

DT: NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!

DM: Impressive!

DT: And James is bridging for the pin!

ONE!

TWO!

Kickout!

DT: James as Anarky up now.. there's a whip to the ropes. Anarky rebounds, and there's a spinning heel kick from Irish!

DM: Well placed too! Right into the mush!

DT: Once again James pulls Anarky up, and plants Anarky down with one of his favorite moves, the double arm DDT! He goes for another cover!

ONE!

TWO!

Kickout!

[ Crowd groans as Anarky kicks out. ]

DT: Back up to his feet now, James pulls an ever-increasingly slower Anarky to his feet, and gets him in a side headlock. James takes off for the corner...

DM: Looks like a tornado DDT coming up!

DT: Another one of Irish's favorites! There's the turn... NO! Anarky pushed Irish off and halfway across the ring! There's a followup low dropkick to the face of Irish! Anarky pulls James to his feet, and fires him into the corner! Anarky lays into Irish with a series of knees to the guts, and there's some right hands! Here comes the ref to make his five count!

MN: That's BS, Thomas!

DT: You've been in this business for HOW long, Neely, and you don't know you can't use closed fists?

The referee gets Anarky off of Irish long enough for Anarky to move back a few steps and come charging back at the corner and drive a high knee up into Irish's face! The official gets in there and forcibly pushes Anarky out of the corner, and the Chairman of EPW simply just turns away from the official, then charges all the way back across the ring...

DT: Anarky's looking for a running clothesline here.... NO!! Irish got his knees up into Anarky's face!

Anarky staggers away from the corner...

[ Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! ]

DM: GORE!! BEAST JUST GORED ANARKY RIGHT OUT OF HIS BOOTS!!!

[ Crowd pop! ]

Beast gets back to his feet...

DT: JUMP SWINGING DDT ON BEAST!

[ Crowd pop! ]

DT: There's a cover!

ONE!

TWO!

Kickout!

[ Crowd cheers! ]

DM: I swear to God that James Irish knows more variations on the DDT than Neely here has made hand-parties to Hustler magazine!

MN: That's an awful lot of DDT variations-HEY!!!!

James pulls Beast to his feet.

MN: Wow, Beast left a huge blood-stain on the canvas!

DT: Irish whip, and Beast ducks under an Irish clothesline. Boot to the guts from Beast...

DM: Tiger suplex and Irish is down!

DT: So is Beast!

The official starts to administer his 10 count, but both men reach their feet at 6. James still has enough to come at Beast, who ducks a right hand, but Irish continues on to nail Anarky who was coming up behind Beast! Anarky goes down, and Beast grabs Irish with a school boy roll up!

ONE!

TWO!

Kickout!

The ref gets back up from making the count, and Anarky nails him from behind with a forearm to the back of the neck!

DT: Disqualification!

MN: How can the ref disqualify Anarky when he didn't see who hit him?

DT: Anarky's the only other guy in the match!

MN: Come on, Dave! ANYONE ELSE could have come into the ring and nailed the ref! You'd think you've been in this business long enough to know that! The ref can't prove anything!

The crowd boos loudly, and Anarky kicks James in the guts before planting him with a DDT! Beast is up, but he also gets a boot in the guts, followed by a swinging neckbreaker! Anarky slides out of the ring, and grabs a chair from under the ring!

DM: This match is about to get ugly!

DT: You know Anarky, guys! He doesn't give a rat's ass! He just wants to make it violent!

Anarky goes back into the ring, and pulls Beast to his feet. He nails a couple rights, before winding up with the chair, and driving a huge overhand smash right down into the forehead of Beast!

WHAM!

[ Crowd: BOOOOO! ]

MN: Beast just went down like an Asian hooker! FAST and HARD!

DM: You know all about those Asian hookers, eh Neels?

A new river of Beast's blood spills onto the canvas, and Anarky throws the chair down to the canvas. He grabs Irish and pulls him to his feet, and lifts the former A1E Champion up into a vertical suplex, but James manages to kick his feet and come back down to the canvas, but James tucks in on the way and curls down, taking Anarky down with him into a nasty nasty DDT!!

DM: There's another one!

DT: And onto that steel chair to boot! James is making a cover!

MN: But there's no ref! Anarky knocked him down!

DT: The crowd is counting! 3! 4! 5! Irish is SCREAMING at the official to get up and make the count! The ref is now moving, but looking pretty groggy!

[ Crowd: 8! 9! 10! ]

DT: James is giving it to the official - GET OVER HERE AND COUNT! The ref gets to his knees, sees the pin, and slowly crawls over to Irish and Anarky!

MN: I could bake a cake in the time it's taking the ref to get over there!

DT: There he is! He's making the count!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNEEEE!!

.......................

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

.......................

THRE......... KICKOUT!!!

DT: ANARKY KICKED OUT!! HE KICKED OUT!

[ Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ]

Irish gets to his feet and gives it to the ref!

DT: Irish has got a pretty good case here!

MN: It's not the ref's fault that Anarky nailed him!

DT: But he got away with it!

Irish turns away from the official, and runs right into a boot to the face from Beast!

DT: I can't believe that Beast is still going here! How can he even see with all the blood streaming down his face? He pulls Irish to his feet... RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX and Irish is gone halfway across the ring!

DM: And once again, both men are down! I think that's all Beast had left in the tank! Beast is a puddle of blood, and Irish is a folded up mess near the corner of the ring! Anarky is still down, and I see that he's been cut open after Irish dropped him on the chair!

Anarky starts to get to his feet, as does Irish as he picks himself up out of the corner. Anarky grabs the chair that was underneath him as he gets up, and as James moves closer, Anarky takes a nasty swing at Irish, but James manages to duck out of the way!

DT: Anarky's had enough! He just wants to all out fight! If there are weapons, then so be it!

The official jumps in between Anarky and Irish, and threatens to DQ Anarky if he continues! James backs off a bit while Anarky and the official share words, and as they do, Beast comes to and slowly rolls out of the ring.

MN: Where the hell is Loafy going?

Beast drops to the arena floor and begins searching under the ring. He comes out with a chair, and rolls back into the ring!

DT: And now Beast's got a chair!

MN: And Anarky shoves the official aside and squares off to face Beast! They're yelling at each other to bring it on and take a shot!

DT: The official is warning them that if they do, this match is over! And look at James Irish! He's had enough! He wants no part of this! He's leaving the ring!

A few more tense moments pass, when finally, both Beast and Anarky come at each other, swinging their chairs!

CRACK!

MN: They've slammed each other's chairs into each other!

[ SFX: Ring bell. ]

DT: And that's it! The official's tossed this match out!

Beast and Anarky drop the chairs, and they start trading right hands!

DT: And here go Beast and Anarky! This match may be done, but they're not!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the official has declared this match a <b>NO CONTEST!</b>

Beast and Anarky continue to brawl around the ring, exchanging kicks, punches, elbows, knees, and even headbutts!

[ SFX: DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! ]

DT: They're rolling all around the ropes! Down to the canvas and all over the mat! These two are trying to kill each other! We've got to get some help out here!

The official waves for assistance from the back as Beast and Anarky get to their feet! Anarky nails a European uppercut, then slams Beast onto the canvas! Anarky lands a bunch of punches before Beast manages to roll onto Anarky, and he starts driving elbows and forearms down into Anarky's face!

Finally, EPW Security hits the ring, and starts trying to pull the two men apart!

DT: They're brought up to their feet, but both Beast and Anarky are still trying to get at each other! They're tearing through Security members to try and continue this battle!

DM: Wow, has this ever escalated in one hell of a hurry!

DT: Folks, I hate to do this, but we're outta time! Beast and Anarky are still trying to pound each other in the middle of the ring, with about a dozen security staff trying to pull them apart, but we've got to leave you here! Make sure you contact your cable or sattellite provider and order up WrestleSTOCK! For Dean Matthews and Mike Neely, I'm Dave Thomas! GOODNIGHT!

[The Empire Pro copyright information appears on the screen and we….

FADE TO BLACK.]​
 
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