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AGGRESSION 23: Denver, CO - 3/3/06

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DBrunkGXW

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[“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the arena and the crowd pops huge as Dan Ryan steps out onto the main stage and peers into the crowd. Ryan pauses and look out for a few moments, then nods and heads to the ring. Ryan gets to the ring, rolls in under the bottom rope and pulls a cordless microphone from his back pocket.]
Ryan: DENVER, COLORADO!!!!

[huge cheap pop]

Ryan: Welcome to Aggression…and before we get started tonight I want to give a huge huge shout out to you people….[loud cheers]…for making us the success that we are. So much so that for the second straight year we were recently voted as the number one fed around….

[loud continuous cheers]

Ryan: Thanks to all of you, and thanks to the men and women who bust their asses for us on a regular basis – the accolades continue to roll in and I can’t thank you enough.

[clapping and cheers]

Ryan: Now then, having said that….there are some things that need to be addressed. I’m a busy man as you know, but Empire Pro is my lifeblood. Some people don’t share that vision I’m afraid. So before we get started tonight, I’d like to speak on….Irishred.

[mixed, but loud reaction]

Ryan: [smiling] Red, seriously. You do realize that you can’t win, right? I mean, hocking A1E merchandise? Plugging UCW television? Let’s put aside for just a moment that I work for both of those companies and if they make money, I make money….let’s put that to the side. You seem to be under the impression that although I have you under contract, and although I control when and where you wrestle that you have me up against a wall.

Now, I’ll give you this much. You managed to ruin a perfectly good main event on Onslaught. I for one was looking forward to seeing Marcus take you apart, but you managed to make a mockery of it. And I’ll tell you what – you DO have a guaranteed contract. And…I can’t force you to do a good job out there.

BUT…

You and I both know that you’re a big name. Truthfully…at your age about all you can ask for is some sort of cheap ‘hey, didn’t he used to be in MBE??’ pop – but I’m willing to squeeze every bit of name value out of you that I can. After all, if you entertain people I make money. So, how to make sure you do your best? Ya know, I’ve been running this around my head for a long time trying to think about how I could get your attention on this.

And then…it hit me.

Like I said before, I do control where and when you are booked – even though I can’t control how well you work in the match itself.

So, I was pondering – how would it affect your career if I were to send you on a goodwill wrestling tour for Empire Pro to oh…say…..Iraq? You know, the troops need encouragement from time to time and what better way to do just that? I mean, I as Empire Pro owner would absolutely love to send an international superstar to entertain our troops overseas. I’d love to….but I’m willing to send you instead.

[loud “OHHH” from the crowd]

See, I’m guess it wouldn’t make your bosses over in UCW…or A1E…all that happy if you were stuck in Iraq for like…I dunno….two months or so? After all, that’s a long flight to Kenya – and from Kenya a five day train ride to Mosul. I guess I could spring for a direct flight, but with all of that money you cost me on Onslaught it probably wouldn’t be financially prudent to do something like that.

That would tend to make it hard for you to defend that little World Title of yours wouldn’t it?

But – I’m willing to grant you a reprieve. See, you haven’t gone past the point of no return….not yet.

So let me give you some advice, Red. You are in …WAY….WAY…over your head on this one. So I want you to come to this ring next week, I want you to come face to face and apologize to me for your behavior since you signed your contract. If you’re a good little boy, I’ll forget this ever happened and I’ll even throw in a twelve month subscription to AARP magazine.

So, having said that I must say to you all that….

[“Phenomenon” by Thousand Foot Krutch blares over the speakers and the fans stand to their feet as “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott stalks through the curtain and marches directly toward the ring. Ryan holds the microphone to his side and simply stares at Scott as he comes to the ring, climbs in and stands about two feet away from the boss.]

Ryan: Frankie.

[Ryan holds his hand out and Frankie’s eyes narrow and he hesitates…..Ryan’s eyebrows go up, then he drops his hand and raises the mic to his mouth.]

Ryan: You need something, Frankie?

[Scott motions for a microphone and once one is forthcoming he raises it to his mouth, exasperated.]

Scott: Do I need something, Dan? I’ve been trying to get a meeting with you ever since I came back, man. Every time I set something up, you disappear or take off or whatever the hell else…it’s starting to piss me off a little bit. So now that you’re here in the ring and I have my chance, we have some things to work out.

Ryan: Not out here, Frankie.

Scott: NOT OUT HERE?? After everything in our past and everything we’ve gone through all you have to say to me is…

Ryan: FRANKIE….not…out…..here.

[Ryan puts the mic back in his back pocket and slowly rolls out under the bottom rope and starts to walk up the ramp. Frankie Scott looks on, incredulous and annoyed. Halfway up the ramp, without turning around Ryan pulls the mic back out and heads through the curtain.]

Ryan: If you want to talk, Frankie…I suggest you be in my office in thirty seconds….

[Frankie mutters under his breath….”dammit…”….then rolls under the ring and rushes up the ramp and through the curtain…]
 

DBrunkGXW

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[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.
CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.
CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.
CUT TO: Steven Shane standing victorious in the ring.
CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Ron Artest
CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.
CUT TO: Joey Melton, mugging for the crowd.
CUT TO: Boogie Smallz lighting up a blunt.
CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Beast.
CUT TO: JA and Shawn Hart locking up in the middle of the ring.
CUT TO: Troy Windham, mugging with the Entourage.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.
CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]

[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol.]

[We cut to the broadcast booth where Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews sit.]

DT: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado and EPW’s AGGRESSION!!! What an action packed night tonight and we’ve already heard from our owner…and Frankie Scott finally got the audience with Dan Ryan that he wanted!

DM: Let’s not forget the matches we have on hand tonight. We’ve got the return of Shawn Hart…the former Steve Savoy…and an absolutely stacked main event pitting Troy Windham and his Entourage against the team of Joey Melton, Karl Brown and our World Champion, Lindsay Troy!

MN: The hell?!

DM: I think they're coming this way.

[CUT TO: The stands behind the announce position as Felicia Hart and the World's Strongest Fat Guy, Tiny, make their way down through the crowd.]

DT: Oh boy... that's the younger sister of the Phenom, Shawn Hart, who's set to take on former GXW personality Mojo Massey in our next contest, and it looks like she's got her sights set on us, gentlemen.

MN: Or on me... MAYBE. You're far too robust, Dave.

[Felicia and Tiny finally reach the first row of seats and waste no time in hopping the rail and proceeding to the commentator's table at ringside.]

DM: What do you suppose they want?

DT: I'm not sure, but all I know is...

[Before he can finish his thought Felicia begins to scream at him inexplicably. Most of her words are lost to us as she speaks, but she's clearly motioning toward the backstage area.]

DT: You'll do WHAT? Forget it, lady... we've got a match to call here!

[Suddenly, Tiny yanks a steel chair out from beneath the time keeper and starts slamming it violently against the tabletop and shouting in hillbilly! Fearing the wrath of the fat man, the announcers quickly scatter from the table to avoid his rampage. Felicia grins, slides in behind the now empty table, then takes Thomas' vacated seat.]

FELICIA HART: Testing! Testing! 1-2.... Buckle my shoe... hello, hello??

[CUE UP: "The Imperial March" by John Williams.]

FH: Theeeeeeere we go!! You got that thing goin', big guy?

TINY: Hawt DAYUM!

TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall!

FH: Alrighty dighty, and HELLOOOOOO to my girls out in TV Land! This is Felicia Hart, the one and onliest QUEEN OF THE RING, despite what you've been led to believe here in EPW, and I'm standing by with Tiny here for some HOT rasslin' action, baby!

TONY FATORA: Introducing first, making his RETURN to Aggression, from ORLANDO, FLORIDA... weighing in at 224 pounds; The PHENOM...SHAWN HART!

[Hart, foregoing his usual pageantry, marches down the aisle and directly to the ring, totally ignoring the very mixed, but very boisterous response from the fans in attendance.]

FH: And there he is, the MAN HIMSELF, the Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinister, Watch 'er SPREAD HER LEGS and then he'll FINISH HER, the new sensation across the nation, makin' girlies feel the PHENOMULATION, my... big... brother, baby!!! Tiny, YOUR THOUGHTS?!

TINY: Messah Shawn's sim-sam-uhhh SLAAAAAAAAM dat din-dun-DAY!

FH: Indeed... Indeed...

TONY FATORA: And his opponent...

[Felicia raises her voice exponentially, all but nullifying the ability of Fatora's vocal chords to translate over her commentary and out to the viewing audience.]

FH: Aaaaaaand his opponent, from Parts Unknown, Truth Or Consequences, AND a little town in France... a guy that is S-OOOOOOOO UNCOOL that he doesn't even get his own entrance or music or anything. A guy who's forced to watch helplessly while my devastatingly handsome brother struts down to the ring... .................*sigh*...Mojo Massey.

[Before Massey can even begin to acknowledge his introduction or the fans in attendance, the Phenom wastes no time in charging at him from behind with a VICOUS CLOTHESLINE! The referee quickly signals for the bell.]

FH: And just like that, the 1995 high school wrestling champion for the great state of Florida pounces on his opponent like numerous scrubs attempt to pounce on yours truly, the Queen of the Ring, nightly at the club! TINY... your thoughts?!

TINY: Doze dat-DAYUM diddly doo-doo's dun-got googly goo-goo'd bahh yer WIGGLY WOO-WOO'Z!

FH: And look at this now, as the Muff Daddy Shawn Hart continues to pummel Mojo Massey, who is known in some circles as Jobby Junebug, with a series of rights and lefts!

TINY: Uh-whoopa WHOMPA de-day!!

FH: The Phenom appears to be targeting Junebug's right arm with those punches, perhaps to set him up for some kind of awe-inspiring maneuver, but nonetheless... Hart now, has Jobby backed against the ropes as the referee begins to administer the 5 count!

TINY: Ya gotsta'membah doze dim-DAYUM rulezes.

FH: Hart breaks the count quickly by whipping Junebug off toward the ropes on the opposite side. Jobby Junebug... back the other way now, aaaaaaaand...

TINY: BIZZAMMO!!!

FH: Just like that, the MUFF DADDY drops Massey with the HART ATTACK! Goodness gracious!! Now for the cov...

TINY: 'Eeeeeeelll NAH!!

FH: No!! Hart electing not to cover, instead dropping to the mat and wrapping his ultra-defined thighs around Junebug's arm with a DEVASTATING submission maneuver!

[CUT TO: Dave Thomas and co., who have returned from the backstage area with a denizen of security guards, all of which have their eyes locked on Felicia.]

FH: The referee is on the scene quickly like a horde of photographers at one of my many Lovely 'Licia brand perfume conventions and... WAIT!! THAT'S IT!! Jobby Junebug is tapping out! The Phenom's got him with the Fujiwara Armbar in less than a minute!!

[CUE UP: The "Imperial March" once again as Hart releases the hold, springs to his feet, and shoots an icy stare into the hard cam.]

TONY FATORA: Th' winner of this match.. SHAWN HART!!!

FH: The referee has signaled for the bell, the PHENOM has sent a message to Jerichoholic Anonymous... cleeeeeeearly stating that he's back and better than ever before, and THIS girly-girl is about to sign off because a horde of burly admirers is making its way towards me at this very instant, so uhh.... GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!!!

[Before the officers can obtain the young Miss Hart, she leaps back over the guard rail with the agility of a gazelle and bolts up through the crowd! Tiny, being slightly less mobile, sort of stumbles out of his chair and rolls over the barrier and into the masses behind her. After sticking his tongue out at security, he slowly makes his way up the stairs to catch up to his cohort. CUT TO: The Phenom, still in the ring, resting on the second turnbuckle with his arms raised victoriously.]

DT: [sarcastically] Well, that was fun.

MN: Loved it!

[Cue up "Eat the Rich."]

DT: Well, this isn't on my lineup sheet. I guess we're getting an unexpected visit from the Anglo Luchador.

MN: Great, just what we need, this loser interrupting the show.

DM: Hey, this loser just happens to bring out the third loudest pops in the arena.

MN: And how do you know that?

DM: Using my Sound-O-Matic decibel meter, that's how! It's soundtastic~!

MN: *sigh*

DT: I don't know what he's coming out here for guys, but I'm guessing it might have something to do with Shawn Hart costing him his match with Troy Windham last week.

MN: Thank you Captain Obvious.

DM: Neels, don't you know that's our job? Stating the obvious? And for me, shilling stuff?

MN: No it's not. It's to provide in-depth analysis.

DM: Yeah, and you get as in-depth as "Loafy sux! Big Daddy English rulz!"

MN: Oh really?

DM: You did it wrong again. That's two weeks in a row!

MN: Did what wrong? Jeez...

[JA hops in the ring and grabs the microphone from Tony Fatora.]

JA: Alright, now anyone with at least one functioning eye and two brain cells that they could rub together knows why I'm out here. Last week at Aggression Dooooooouble DEEEUCE~!, I had He-Troy on his heels and reeling like Neels' roofie-infested date on prom night [MN: HEY!]. And just as I was going to give the See-Ess-Dub UNIFIED Champion a little come-uppance, guess who appeared but my old pal and yours, Shawna Jessica Bubbles Hart.

[Crowd boos.]

JA: Now, I'm not going to stand here and ask why he'd do such a thing. I know why. I mean, for crying out loud, I hired Saruman and a bunch of migrant workers to hurl sh[FCC] at his house. While at the time, I thought that would keep him out of the picture for good, I had a feeling that he might come back to bite me in the ass, and knowing his proclivity for deviation, I knew it might have been literal. Thankfully, I wasn't right... yet.

And so he did come back, and while I'm not fully surprised, I am a bit peeved at the timing. Y'know, there aren't going to be many times when the fourth tier title holder from Stevie's Funhouse is going to get the Big Cheese on the ropes in another company before Mr. Thomas sends some thugs to Danny Ryan's office to make sure that his Champion stays looking on the up and up. I had a chance not only to make a wave here in Empire, but also in the granddaddy fed, well, that is, if they ever wake up from their nap. So yeah, I'm ticked off.

My therapist tells me that it's good to let out all my anger and frustration in non-destructive ways. Given that I'm a pro-wrestler, I looked at him like he had five heads, but I might as well give him a shot. Shawanda Hart, get your sexually ambiguous ass out here, because I have a few things I wanna talk about.

MN: Don't do it Shawn, it's a trap!

DM: Shut up, Neels. This is gettin' good.

[Cue up John Williams' "Imperial March."]

DT: Business is pickin' up, as Muff Daddy has heard enough!

MN: OK, Jimbo.

HART: Hooooooooold the phones!!!

[The Phenom steps out from behind the curtain with his hands on his hips, shaking his head in disappointment.]

HART: Now before I address ANY of this total nonsense you're whining about, lemme catch my breath here! I just wrestled a 5-star, Dory Funk Jr. CLASSIC with Mojo Massey, after all!!

[Crowd boos. After taking 5 or 6 deep breaths, Hart continues.]

HART: Alright, so let me get this straight, chief. You're out here, moaning like a puma in heat, because you want me to bite you in the ass?! I mean, it's obvious that you wish I was a sexy female with all the cute little names you're givin' me, but really... if all you want is some sweet Hart-lovin', I do have a sister, pal! You know what I mean? I can put a word in for ya!

JA: Hold on a minute, hold on, you sick freak. I want no such part of your gene pool, because I get the feeling that even the deep end is a little shallow and tainted with toxic sludge and whale semen.

MN: Whale semen?

DM: Hey, it works.

MN: And Hart's the sick one?

JA: I didn't come out here to mingle with you or your kin, and I certainly don't care if you wrestled a five-star with Ricky Steamboat or wrestled Jimmy the Hobo for the last pork chop out in the back alley. I came out here to issue a challenge. Y'see, I made a mistake last time by not taking you out before in the ring. So now, I want to finish this in the ring, and I want to finish it by making you say that you quit.

DM: Whoa!

JA: And furthermore, I don't want anyone to spoil this. I don't want Ron Artest, or your skank-ho sister or that other fat guy you have walkin' around with you to get in the way. So I'm proposing this be a STEEL CAGE SUBMISSIONS match. Now, d'ya dig?

[Muff Daddy shoots an inquisitive glance toward the Anglo Luchador.]

HART: Lemme get this straight, at the next big show... you want me, the world's most CANTANKEROUS man, the latest sensation to hit our GREAT NATION... makin' females feel the PHENOMULATION, the Prime Minister of GETTIN' SINISTER... first she spreads her legs and then I FINISH HER; the PHENOM, Shawn Hart, to hop into the cage with YOU, straight up submission style?!

JA: I'd say you got it.

HART: Then I'd say YOU'RE ON, nnndaddio!!! The PHENOM... has left... the BUILDING!!!

[The crowd pops HUGE.]

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, the Anlgo Luchador levied the challenge and the Phenom has accepted! Submission match in a 10-foot high STEEEEL CAGE and it's goin' down on PAY-PER-view!!!

DM: Whoa Nellie!!

DT: We'll be back after this!
 

DBrunkGXW

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DT: With Shawn Hart’s resurfacing in EPW, things have been slowly rising to a fever pitch between him and JA, this last encounter is no exception.

DM: Is this what we have to be subjected to all of a sudden; Hart’s disappearing acts and sudden resurfacing in an effort to make him relevant again?

MN: Bitter, bitter, bitter. I’ll tell you one thing: if it means Felicia stays around this time, I’m all for it!

DM: You would be.

DT: And moving on from the petty bickering of my broadcast colleagues, it’s time for Cameron Cruise to take on Foxx.

[CUE-UP: “Angelwitch” by Angelwitch. Foxx bounds out from the back to a nice response from the crowd and hops into the ring]

DM: And there’s Foxx, looking spunky as ever.

MN: Spunky? Since when does spunky have to do with anything? Do you think Cruise, or anyone else, cares that they’re facing someone who’s spunky? Let me answer that for you: no, they don’t.

DM: Did you forget to take your Midol this morning, Neely? Your PMS this month seems to be raging out of control.

MN: Y’know, I don’t need to take this from you. As soon as Cruise gets out here, I’m taking a piss break. That’s what people do when Cruise comes on their TV sets, right?

[CUE-UP: “Headstrong” by Trapt. Cameron Cruise struts out onto the stage, Mercedes Devon by his side. The happy couple walk arm in arm down to the ring while girls on either side of the railing make desperate grabs at getting their hands on Cameron.]

DM: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it disturbing that girls have taken a liking to Cameron Cruise?

MN: I find it disturbing that he’s still with that hag Devon. If it were me, I’d ditch the ball and chain and have me some fun.

DT: Which is why you pre-ordered Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in your hotel room on our last tour of duty, right Neels?

MN: The Goblet of Fire is a cinematic masterpiece and I’ll not have you sullying Potter’s good name, Thomas.

[SFX: Bell ringing]

DM: Foxx and Cruise circling each other, Mercedes giving some girls in the first three rows the evil eye. What are the possibilities of a catfight happening at some point during the match?

MN: Vegas has the odds at 5 to 1.

DT: Foxx just caught Cameron by surprise with a quick forearm to the mouth, Cruise is reeling back. She doesn’t look like she wants to go for the tried-and-true collar and elbow tie-up to start this off. Foxx with an Irish-whip to the corner, Cruise hits hard and Foxx follows it up with a dropkick. Cameron’s head banged against the turnbuckle and he’s shaking the cobwebs out.

MN: That piss break is looking real good right about now.

DM: Why hasn’t Ryan hired a replacement yet…?

DT: Cruise is out of the corner, Foxx with an arm-drag take down, and it looks like Cruise is caught a little bit by surprise at Foxx’s quick pace here. Cruise is getting to his feet and Foxx just kicked Cruise right in the face! A cover.

1…

T..kickout.

MN: A kick to the face isn’t going to win this match for Foxx, no matter how spunky she is, DEAN.

DT: Cameron’s pounding the mat in frustration before getting to his feet. Foxx charges in, but Cruise sidesteps her and tosses her into the corner. Foxx hits back first and Cruise charges in with a clothesline. He wraps her arms around her waist and vaults her out of the corner with a belly-to-belly suplex. Foxx hits hard, and Cruise looks to drop an elbow…No! Foxx rolled out of the way. Both are back up and Foxx launches herself at the taller Cameron with a clothesline. Cruise is stumbling back against the ropes and Foxx clotheslines him again, this time out of the ring!

MN: I’m getting kinda hungry, think the popcorn guy’ll make a trip over here?

DM: Only you would think of eating when you should be calling a match.

MN: Hey, when I’m hungry I expect to eat.

DT: This isn’t the snack bar, Mike. Foxx launches herself over with a plancha and both of them crumple to the mat. The girls are screaming for Cameron again, and Mercedes just rolls her eyes at them.

[CUT-TO: A row full of teens, screaming CAMMY! CAMMY!]

DM: I remember overhearing Melton say it was going to be his pet project to make Cameron Cruise into the David Cassidy of professional wrestling. I don’t know if Cameron can sing worth a damn, but he’s certainly got the cult following.

MN: Cult following indeed…who brainwashed these girls anyway?

DT: I don’t know, but Mercedes looks like she’s about had enough of it. She’s doing her best to ignore them, but I don’t know how much more of this she can put up with.

DM: She had to put up with Cruise playing tag-a-long to Melton for almost a year. I think the woman is a saint.

DT: The referee counting, he’s up to 6 now. Foxx to her feet, sliding back into the ring, then back out again. Looks like she’s not finished with Cameron just yet, but Cameron just elbowed her in the stomach! He’s got her by the hair and is dragging her to the ringpost. He’s going to ram her face first!

MN: Might be an improvement.

DT: Will you stop! Foxx could be in trouble but…no! She blocked. Foxx blocked and just sent Cruise’s head into the steel! The crowd’s loving it.

DM: I’ll tell you who isn’t loving this: Mercedes Devon.

DT: Mercedes over to Foxx, whirls her around and [CROWD: OH!] just cracked Foxx in the face with a punch to the jaw. Devon’s had quite enough of this.

MN: Maybe if her man wasn’t such a pus-…

DT and DM: FAMILY SHOW!

MN: …-shover, this wouldn’t be happening right now.

DT: Regardless, Foxx punched Mercedes right back! These two women aren’t backing down from one another. Cruise is regaining his senses and sees the two about to come to blows.

DM: So what does he do?

DT: He grabs Foxx by the back of the head and tosses her back into the ring. Good thing too, the referee was up to 9 and would have counted them both out.

MN: You think David Cassidy ever had this problem?

DM: If you’re so curious, why don’t you go ask him?

MN: Maybe I will, Dean. MAYBE I WILL!

DT: Both are back in the ring now, Cruise to his feet first. He kicks Foxx in the stomach and hoists her up over his shoulder. He’s looking to end it with the Shipwreck….but Foxx wriggles down off Cameron’s shoulder and pushes him forward into the corner. Cruise hits chest first and Foxx jumps him from behind, ramming his head repeatedly onto the top turnbuckle. She whips him around to face her and superkicks him right in the face! Cruise is down, Mercedes is livid!

MN: But wait…there’s more!

DT: Foxx is backing up, looking to get a running start…Bronco-Buster in the corner on Cruise!

[CUT-TO: Close up of Cruise, the corners of his mouth upturned slightly.]

MN: Is Cruise…smiling?

DM: I think he’s rather out of it, Neely.

MN: He IS smiling! Ahahahahahaha!

DT: Whether Mercedes knows it or not is another thing entirely. But at this point, she’s got Foxx in her sights.

[CUT-TO: Mercedes climbing up onto the apron, but before she can take a swing at Foxx, she’s distracted by something on the other side of the ring.]

DM: Hey, what are those girls doing?

DT: Those girls from earlier have just climbed over the guardrail and are trying to get into the ring to get Foxx off Cruise! Security needs to get over here and stop this!

[A couple burly security guards grab a couple of the girls, but three more get away and climb into the ring. One pushes Foxx away, who looks stunned at what’s going on, but Mercedes instinctively climbs into the ring and kicks the fan in the face to keep her away from her husband and from getting involved in the match. The other two are trying to “revive” Cruise, causing the referee to ring the bell and call for the match to be a no-contest. Mercedes and Foxx both pull the other two fans off Cruise and begin leveling them with punches before more security members get into the ring.]

DM: What a wild end to this match, but rule number one with all the boys and girls in the back: protect your own if the fans get involved.

DT: I don’t know what to make of this, it’s all completely crazy. Folks, we’ll be right back.
 

DBrunkGXW

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Joined
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Messages
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DT: Wait a second, what's that happening in the background? That's Miyoko, one of our ring girls, and she's talking to someone...

Miyoko: Yeah... so I'm trying to earn money to work my way through college, and I got locked into a contract here that doesn't end until another year. Not quite what I had in mind, but hey, it's fun work, I get to travel, and people seem to like me.

[The Camera pans over to the left, and it reveals James Irish looking at her with a critical eye.]

JIrish: But, you don't have any qualifications other than being hot as hell to do this job, right? I mean, they don't ask you to be able to dance, or talk, or anything but look good in a swimsuit?

Miyoko: Well, yeah.

[James pulls in a busty red-headed woman onto camera, modestly dressed in a plain beige blouse and loose faded jeans.]

JIrish: You know Erin, right? My manager? You think maybe there'd be an opening for her, since she's way overqualified for the job you do?

Erin: Lad, ye haven't been exactly makin' eye contact with that little tart.

JIrish: Come on, you're the one who's always saying we're just friends. Even if I was checking her out, it's not like I have a real chance with-

Voice off-camera: HEY!! You two aren't supposed to be back here!

JIrish: Heavens to Murgatroid! Exit, stage left, with all due haste even!

[James and Erin run off camera, with security in pursuit.]

MN: If I can clarify on something brought up last week, that goofus maximus does NOT have a contract with Empire Pro Wrestling! He is trespassing, and has no right to be here!

DM: Maybe, but if I know this guy's reputation, there's a got to be some kind of method to his madness. James Irish doesn't just clown around for the hell of it... most of the time, anyway.

DT: Regardless, we have another match on our hands here...

MN: I’m startin’ to like that James Irish.

DT: Triple threat action just about to get under way here with three relative newcomers to Empire Pro. It should be interesting to see how they go at this match, because you’ve got to know Dan Ryan will be watching and this one match could determine so much for the future of each man.

DM: From the way things are going, it could be the only way Scott gets a message to Ryan, depending on how that meeting went earlier.

DT: None of these three looks ready to make the first move – all of them very wary here as the bell sounds.

DM: Triple threat matches are difficult to plan for, because you’ve always got one other guy who can break up pin-falls or attack you whilst your back is turned. You’ve got to take out both men before you can expect a pinfall.

DT: All three men glancing from one to the other… and Mike Evers breaks the standoff with a running dropkick to the face of the Sergeant! Frankie Scott coming in, but he’s met with a dropkick to the face!! Mike Evers now with The Sergeant up, sends him off the ropes and a stinging right to the gut as Sergeant flips over!

DM: No wonder these fans cheer for him.

MN: He’s common like all of them. They have a common bond.

DT: Frankie Scott coming in again, but he’s met with a quick right to the head, and sent into the corner now. Mike Evers picking up the Sergeant, Irish whip into the corner, but Scott moves out of the way, avoiding the impact. Moving across the ring, but he’s forced to the outside there by the running knee-lift of Mike Evers! Evers firmly in control in the early going of this match!

DM: Evers is certainly having it his own way as he shouts at the crowd, but The Sergeant with the school-boy.

DT: TWO!!

No!! Kickout there quickly by Evers, but the Sergeant meets him with a clothesline. Another cover, and another quick kickout by Evers. Both men up quickly, and Sergeant with a go behind, trying for the crucifix… NO! BIG Samoan drop there by Mike Evers, but Frankie Scott in to break up the count before the referee can even get into position!

DM: You need eyes in the back of your head in matches like this.

DT: Frankie Scott now picking up Mike Evers, and a side headlock applied. Evers though quickly trying to push him off the ropes, but Scott keeps the pressure applied. With his experience, and the fact he’s trying desperately to find Dan Ryan, you’ve got to think Scott might have the advantage.

DM: In a triple threat, there is really no favourite – you could be a total rookie against two veterans, and so long as you can catch a lucky break after a finisher or two, you can pick up the win.

MN: Besides, if he hasn’t found da boss by now, he can’t be all that good.

DT: I’ve no idea what that’s got to do with the match, but Scott still with the side headlock applied. Evers again trying to push him off the ropes, but here comes Sergeant with a boot to the ribs of Evers. Maybe some double teaming here after the initial flourish against both men from Evers earlier, Dean?

DM: Could be, it would make sense. Get rid of one man and you can fight it out amongst yourselves, and these two have had some classic matches here in Empire Pro.

DT: Scott now with a clubbing forearm to the back of Evers, as he and Sergeant put the boots in. Both men picking up Mike Evers, Irish Whip off the ropes and a HUGE double back-body drop there!

DM: Both men working together well here, as Scott picks Evers up and holds him in a full nelson as Sergeant scores a hard right hand.

DT: Scott releases the hold, sends Evers into the corner BACKSLIDE BY SERGEANT!! ONE!!

TWO!!

NEARLY the three count there on Frankie Scott as The Sergeant ends the alliance with a backslide! Scott up first, and taken down with a drop-toe-hold! Frankie Scott up again, but he’s met with a hard shot to the head. Another, and a kick to the gut. Sending him off the ropes… BIG hip toss followed by a legdrop. The cover,

TWO!!

Mike Evers there to break up the count. Evers with a slam there on Sergeant, picking him up again and a NICE snap suplex there!! The cover…

Kickout before the two there by Sergeant, as Frankie Scott has rolled to the outside. Mike Evers now starting to build some momentum, has Sergeant up again, and down with an armdrag, going for a top wrist lock here now. GREAT technical skills from a firm fan favourite in Mike Evers here tonight.

MN: He’s not the best we’ve got.

DT: I didn’t say he was the best technical wrestler on the roster, but he’s certainly got a lot of talent in that area.

MN: Luck you mean.

DT: OK, who’s paid you this week?

MN: No-one, Burger-boy.

DT: For the last time… I am not that Dave Thomas.

MN: Suuuure. I ordered my fries an hour ago, get to it!

DM: Sergeant getting to his feet.

DT: I… am… not… WOAH!! HUGE DISPLAY OF RAW POWER THERE BY SEREANT, PICKING MIKE EVERS UP WHILST STILL IN THE WRISTLOCK!!

DM: Mike Evers can’t believe it! The Sergeant with him up in mid-air, moving near the ropes.

DT: AND HE THROWS HIM DOWN TO THE OUTSIDE!! The crowd are REALLY showing their appreciation for that move, as Frankie Scott comes back in and takes Sergeant down with a bulldog.

One…

TWO

THR NO!! Kickout at two and a half there by Sergeant as Frankie Scott took advantage of the situation to score a powerful bulldog takedown there.

DM: What Sergeant did was impressive, but it does take a lot out of you. You saw him trying to catch his breath, which is something you can’t find much time for in a triple threat match.

DT: Frankie Scott with Sergeant up now, sending him off the ropes and a sidewalk slam connects there! Another cover

TWO!!

NO!! Kickout there again by Sergeant, as Mike Evers is still down on the outside after that fall. Frankie Scott with Sergeant in an armbar now, bending back the elbow against the knee there.

DM: He’s looking to hyper-extend the elbow there, but this move has the added benefit, or if your in Sergeant’s position, problem, that it pulls at the pectoral muscle as well.

DT: Sergeant shaking his head as the referee asks him if he wants to give it up, trying to get to his feet, but Scott with an elbow to the ribs there and back to the hold!

DM: And if you look at the ring positioning, not only is he in the middle of the ring, he’s also facing where Sergeant threw Evers earlier, so if he manages to scrape himself off the floor, he won’t get the element of surprise.

DT: Sergeant again trying to get to his feet, but Scott with another elbow. He lays him out, going for the cover, but a kickout after two there. Frankie Scott really working over Sergeant now, as he picks him up and just buries the knee right into the gut. Irish whip off the ropes, reversed, but Scott comes off with a high cross body!

TWO!!

THRKICKOUT!! And Frankie Scott looks irritated at that, as he picks up Sergeant and throws him out between the ropes!

DM: Well, there are no count-outs in a triple threat match, but he’s got to be careful not to get disqualified and give the match to Sergeant.

DT: Frankie Scott with the Sergeant now by the hair, and sends him crashing into the barrier! Mike Evers trying to get back into the ring, as Frankie Scott hooks the head of The Sergeant… DDT ON THE FLOOR!! Frankie Scott shouting at some fans as he tries to drag Sergeant to his feet, as HOLY CRAP!! PLANCHA BY MIKE EVERS ONTO SERGEANT AND SCOTT!!

DM: The crowd going WILD as Mike Evers uses the ropes to slingshot himself down onto Scott and Sergeant! From up here, it looked like Scott took the brunt of the impact as Sergeant still hadn’t gotten quite to his feet.

DT: All three men slow to get to their feet. Mike Evers is the first up, but he looks like he’s hurt his knee. Rolling back into the ring now, he’s pulling himself up by the rope, but The Sergeant’s quickly in after him. Hard kick to the gut by the ex-soldier, and a gutwrench suplex!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!! Mike Evers shooting the shoulder up at the two there, as the Sergeant now targeting the left knee of Evers, driving it hard to the canvas before dropping the elbow on the inside!

MN: There are three lessons at the Cobra dojo. Lesson one – a man can’t walk, he can’t fight.

DT: Wise words from the Karate Kid films there, as Mike Evers is screaming in pain from a leg-lock now. Frankie Scott getting back to his feet on the inside, but he’s looking groggy as Sergeant applies the pressure to Evers.

DM: Evers is trying to reach for the rope, but he’s a long way away. That gut-wrench didn’t take Evers as close to the ropes as a vertical suplex would have done, so it was a brilliant choice by Sergeant.

DT: Still applying the pressure, but Scott’s in to break up the hold! Mike Evers was in a lot of pain there, I don’t think it would have been much longer before he’d’ve had to have submitted to save himself.

DM: Frankie Scott now with the Sergeant up, but Sergeant with a hard right hand. Scott retaliates, but Sergeant hits him again!

DT: Scott tries to retaliate, but it’s blocked!! Sergeant with the right hand, and another one, and an Irish whip off the far side… BIG back elbow. The Sergeant now picking Scott up, front face lock, looking for a suplex here.

MN: What’s Evers doing?

DT: Evers off the ropes as Scott’s blocking the suplex… OH MY GOD!!

DM: VERY IMPRESSIVE!

DT: Evers with the cover,

TWO!!

NO!! KICKOUT BY SERGEANT AFTER THAT MOVE!!

DM: Can we get a replay?

[cutto: split-screen. On the right is live action, and on the left the replay. We see Sergeant setting up Frankie Scott for a vertical suplex attempt, but Scott blocks it. Mike Evers, groggily getting to his feet, spots this, and comes off the ropes, pushing off of Scott’s back to get the lift needed to clear both men, and comes down with a sunset flip on Sergeant, who meanwhile manages to hit the suplex on Scott! End of split screen]

DT: How do you call a move like that?

DM: You don’t. All three men have been highly impressive here tonight, as Sergeant is the first to his feet, quickly followed by Mike Evers. Both men slugging it out, but a thumb to the eye by Sergeant stops Evers. Evers backed against the ropes, and a hard chop by the Sergeant.

DT: Frankie Scott up now, charging in… CLOTHESLINE ON EVERS!! Sergeant moved out of the way, and Mike Evers is sent crashing over the top rope! Scott turns around… IMPLANT DDT!! HUGE move by Sergeant…

One…

TWO… THRENO!! NO, NO NO. Frankie Scott BARELY gets the shoulder up there!! Sergeant with a head of steam here, sends Scott into the corner… HORNET SPLASH!! Grabs Scott by the head… BULLDOG HEADLOCK!! Sergeant is really starting to feel it now, as he picks up Scott again… hoists him onto the shoulder BUT SCOTT SLIPS OUT!!

DM: Frankie Scott with the Sergeant, sends him off the ropes OUCH!!!

MN: REF BUMPAGE!!

DT: The referee got out of position there, and Scott just sent the Sergeant straight into him! The referee’s down, as Mike Evers now crawling back into the ring… WAIT A MINUTE!! ADAM BENJAMIN JUST PULLED HIM BACK TO THE OUTSIDE!! WHAT THE HELL’S HE DOING HERE?!?

MN: Big Daddy English In Da House!!

DT: Adam Benjamin firing away with right hands on Mike Evers!! A scoop slam now… SHINING WIZARD ON THE OUTSIDE!! MIKE EVERS IS OUT COLD!!

DM: And the fans are REALLY letting Benjamin have it as he walks back up the aisle with a smirk on his face.

DT: Back in the ring, Scott’s in control. Irish whip into the corner, charging in BUT SERGEANT GETS OUT OF THE WAY!! Frankie Scott just went STRAIGHT into the corner! Sergeant has him by the head now, climbing the turnbuckle… DIAMOND DUST!! THAT FLIPPING STUNNER FROM THE CORNER CONNECTED!! There’s the cover

MN: No ref.

DT: One, two, three, four, five… Sergeant has this match won, but there’s not referee!! He’s broken the cover, going to check on him now. What’s Scott doing?

DM: Putting something on his hand by the looks of it.

MN: He’s just checking he hasn’t broken any bones.

DT: Sergeant leaving the ref, who’s starting to stir now. Goes over to Scott AND THE RIGHT HAND!! SERGEANT IS DOWN!! What the hell?!? SCOTT JUST THREW SOMETHING TO THE OUTSIDE!! MAKING THE COVER…

ONE!!!

TWO!!!!

THREE!!!!! FRANKIE SCOTT HAS WON IT!!

[sfx: dingdingdingding]

TONY FATORA: Th’ winner of this match… PHENOMENAL… FFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRAAAAAANNNNNNKKKKKKIIIIIIIEEEEEE…SSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

DT: Frankie Scott wins this one with a knockout punch, but what did he throw to the outside?

[Cut to: a shot of the ringside area, as a camera gets a glimpse of a set of brass knuckles laying up against the barrier on the mat]
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,814
Points
36
Age
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Location
Katy, TX
MN: I didn’t know Frankie Scott had it in him!

DM: You mean cheating?

MN: I mean doing what it takes to win.

DT: Well guys, we’ve got the tag team match for the number one contenders’ spot up next and you have to admit, the tag team ranks have certainly been building quite a head of steam as of late. We’re going to see two of our premier tag teams going at it right here tonight to determine who will get the next shot at the current tag team champions, Blitz!

MN: I’m telling you, as much of a fan of the Highland Park Social Club as I am, I can’t help but think that they’re at a huge disadvantage going up against a monster like Eisenkreuz.

[CUE UP: “I Am the Bullgod” by Kid Rock. Priest and Eisenkreuz enter to MASSIVE heel heat.]

MN: Do you see what I mean? This guy is a freakin’ beast! I’m nowhere near him and I’m scared. I can’t believe what’s going through the Club’s mind right now.

DM: That is very true, Neels. But Chip and Richard have both seen some big guys in their career.

MN: But have they ever faced the World’s Strongest Man?

DM: You mean Mark Henry?

MN: No. Not the world’s sixteenth strongest man. The World’s STRONGEST man.

DM: I’m going to say no.

MN: That’s what I thought.

[CUE UP: “Ride of the Valkyries” by Richard Wagner. Chip Friendly and Richard Farnswirth then enter to even MORE heel heat.]

DT: You know, I never thought I’d hear Priest and Eisenkreuz’s opponents actually get more boos than them, but I’d venture to guess that I’m hearing that right now.

DM: Well, the Highland Park Social Club has certainly not made any friends in their brief stay here in EPW. But man, have they made an impact already or what?

DT: Well, Chip Friendly and Richard Farnswirth are no strangers to the ring, and these fans know it.

MN: And they are about to show you just that right here, Thomas! The Highland Park Social Club is going to be my pick to win this match!

DT: Didn’t you just say that if you were them, you’d be afraid of Eisenkreuz?

MN: Yes.

DT: But they’re still going to win?

MN: Look, Chip will just have to take one for the team with Eisenkreuz while Farnswirth manhandles Priest. You’d really be amazed at the Club’s in-ring intelligence.

DM: Well, I doubt that will be their exact philosophy in the ring, but I wouldn’t be surprised if keeping Eisenkreuz out of the ring was part of their plan.

DT: Well, they’re all set in the ring. Tony Fatora is out and ready to ring the bell, so here we go!

[DING DING DING]

DT: Here we go. Looks like Chip Friendly and Priest are going to start this one out. They step to the middle of the ring where they tie up in a collar and elbow. Priest quickly gets on the offense with a side headlock.

DM: But Chip’s not going to stay in that for long as he backs Priest into the ropes and presses him off to the opposite ropes!

DT: Big back elbow there by Chip! Priest went down quickly, and now Chip is going on the offense.

DM: There’s a stomp to the midsection, followed by another as Chip pulls Priest up and to his feet. Scoop slam there by Chip!

DT: He pulls Priest up again as he backs him into the Highland Park Social Club corner. Hard knife-edge chop from Chip and there’s a tag to Farnswirth. Farnswirth enters and quickly gives Priest another back elbow as he keeps him trapped in the corner.

DM: Farnswirth pulls Priest to the middle of the ropes as Chip Friendly exits the ring. There’s an Irish whip by Farnswirth.

DT: Quick arm drag takedown by Farnswirth! He now locks Priest in an armbar as he reaches out to tag Chip back in.

DM: Chip enters and quickly gives a kick to Priest’s shoulder as Farnswirth relinquishes the hold and exits the ring. Great tag team wrestling by the HPSC to get things started here on Aggression.

DT: Chip pulls Priest up to his feet one more time here. There’s a wristlock. And now Chip rotates himself under Priest’s arm to put a little more torque on that shoulder and wrist. Priest screams out in pain as he looks for the tag to Eisenkreuz, but he is very well isolated in the wrong corner here.

DM: Chip is going to rotate under him again here. And he adds a little force there and flips Priest over and to the mat! Priest is on his behind here as Chip bounces off the adjacent ropes…

DT: Big kick right to that shoulder that has already been worked over so well here in the early going of this match! Chip reaches over and tags Farnswirth back in before pulling Priest up and locking him in another wristlock.

DM: Looks like Farnswirth is going to go to the second rope here. And there’s a big double axe handle crashing down on Priest’s shoulder as the ref escorts Chip out of the ring.

DT: Farnswirth goes for that wristlock one more time. No. He quickly turns it into a hammerlock. He reaches down. And there’s a big scoop slam onto Priest’s arm that was already in that hammerlock!

DM: Farnswirth quickly bounces off the near ropes. And now drives a knee right into that shoulder of Priest!

MN: Kids, this is what tag team wrestling is all about! If you want to see some good tag team wrestling, simply watch the masters of the ring here, Richard Farnswirth and Chip Friendly!

DM: Absolutely excellent point Neels. The HPSC have effectively taken the monster Eisenkreuz out of this matchup!

DT: And now Farnswirth nails Eisenkreuz right on the apron!

MN: Kids, this is what dumb wrestling is all about. Why would you go and anger the big man into making his way into the ring?

DT: I’m not sure, but Eisenkreuz has made his way into the ring here!

DM: But the ref is holding him back and now Chip and Farnswirth are double teaming Priest!

MN: Brilliant!

DT: Wait! There’s a thumb to the eye on Farnswirth!

DM: And a low blow to Chip! Priest just evened the odds like that, and the ref didn’t see it because he was busy holding Eisenkreuz back!

DT: Now that’s a backfire if I’ve ever seen one. Eisenkreuz is back to the outside and ready for that tag as Priest is slowly trying to make his way to the corner. He reaches out…

DM: But Chip’s got him by the foot! There’s a kick to the face by Priest!

DT: And there’s the tag! Eisenkreuz is in! Chip makes his way over…

DM: Inverted atomic drop! Farnswirth comes charging…

DT: Powerslam! Eisenkreuz bounces up! Chip’s staggering…

DM: Short arm clothesline! He turns to look for Farnswirth…

DT: Look out! Eisenkreuz has that hand wrapped around Farnswirth’s throat…

DM: No! Farnswirth just caught Eisenkreuz with a low blow before he could lift him up for that Deutscheslammen!

DT: But here comes Priest back into the fray! He grabs Farnswirth from behind…

DM: Release German suplex! Farnswirth folded up like an accordion! Priest turns around for Chip…

DT: Oh my! Chip Friendly surprised Priest and caught him with a facebuster!

DM: Wait a second! Chip Friendly is heading to the top rope! This is not something we’re used to seeing from Everybody’s Best Friend!

MN: Never underestimate Chipperooni! Not only is he an innovator of friendship, but he’s been known to innovate offense as well!

DT: Well, he’s up. He leaps…

DM: Eisenkreuz just caught him out of midair! He quickly slings him to his side…

DT: Giant side slam by Eisenkreuz!

DM: But here comes Farnswirth from out of nowhere and locks Eisenkreuz in that Million Dollar Dream!

MN: But he doesn’t have it locked in well. He had to jump to get on Eisenkreuz’s back!

DT: Eisenkreuz is fighting, but he’s slowly wearing down! It looks like he’s going to try and back him into the corner here to try and break the hold…

DM: Oh my! Eisenkreuz shifted back recklessly and missed the corner! He and Farnswirth both just went tumbling over the top rope and to the floor!

DT: On the inside, Chip has backed Priest into the ropes with several knife-edge chops. There’s a whip across the ring…

DM: Frown Buster! Chip just nailed Priest with that Frown Buster! And now, he’s straddling Priest…

DT: The Smiley Face! Chip has Priest locked in that mandible claw-like submission hold, and I’m not sure if he’s going to be able to get away from this one…

DM: There’s the tap! This one is over! The Highland Park Social Club have earned the right to fight Blitz for the tag team titles!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners… The Highland Park So-

DT: What’s this? That’s Steven Shane!

MN: What the hell is that moron doing coming down here?

DT: I’m not sure, but he’s beating the hell out of Chip Friendly! Rights and more rights by Shane! There’s a clothesline into the corner!

DM: But here comes Farnswirth!

DT: Big spinebuster by Shane! He bounces back up and looks towards Chip! Chip stumbles out of the corner…

DM: DDT to Chip!

MN: How can he do that to Everybody’s Best Friend?

DT: Farnswirth charges at him again…

DM: Tilt-O-Whirl backbreaker by Shane!

DT: Oh my! Slambo the Clown just came out of nowhere and blindsided Steven Shane! Shane is down and now, the numbers may have become too much.

DM: Slambo and Chip are stomping away at Shane as he is unable to go much of anywhere here!

DT: And now, here comes Farnswirth back into things! He instructs them to lift the lifeless Steven Shane!

DM: There’s the Market Crash by Farnswirth! Shane is down and we need some help out here!

DT: Now look at Chip! He’s straddling Shane!

DM: Smiley Face! Shane is screaming for help here!

MN: He shouldn’t have started a fight he couldn’t finish!

[HUGE pop.]

DT: Wait a second! It’s Ken Cloverleaf! Is he coming to aide his tag team partner?

MN: No. He’s making the right decision, and he’s coming down here to lock Steven Shane in the Texas Cloverleaf and remind him why he shouldn’t mess with the Highland Park Social Club!

DT: Cloverleaf slides into the ring! The Club quickly scatters! Cloverleaf has his arm cocked. Come on Ken!

DM: Wait! He’s not doing anything! He’s just standing there, staring right at the HPSC! Why is he not beating the hell out of them to help Steven Shane here?

MN: Because he knows what a mistake that would be! We’re talking about the most dominant faction in the wrestling world here!

DT: Look at Farnswirth! He’s flashing a smile at Cloverleaf!

DM: What is that all about?

DT: I’m not sure, but Farnswirth is instructing the Club to leave the ring!

DM: Cloverleaf didn’t even fight back to help Shane!

DT: What the hell is going on here? The Social Club are all three backing up the ramp with HUGE smiles on their faces as Ken Cloverleaf stands in the center of the ring almost confused out of his mind!

DM: Does Cloverleaf really know what he’s doing or is the Club just going to continue to play head games with him? Whose side is he on?

DT: I’m not sure, but Steven Shane is having to pick himself up in the corner here! Cloverleaf is still doing nothing but focusing on the Club! Folks, we’re going to try and sort this out, but we’ll be right back!
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,814
Points
36
Age
46
Location
Katy, TX
[CUT-TO: Backstage, more specifically Troy Windham's dressing room. There's a gaggle of barely-legal, if that, girls filling the dressing room. Some are fawning over Z!'s calf muscles, which he flexes to swoons, a couple are seated, bare-backs to the camera while August paints their still forms on a canvas. But most of the girls are crowded around a seated Troy Windham. A cigar-smoking, bare-chested Troy Windham.

Windham reaches over and pulls a well-endowed redhead into his lap and whispers something into her ear. The girl giggles and runs over to a table and begins to rummage through a gym bag that's resting on top of it. While the girl continues her search, three more girls find themselves in Troy's lap, while two more stand behind him, rubbing his shoulders.]

REDHEAD: Hey T-Diddy [giggles], I don't think I see the Trojans in here.

WINDHAM: Keep looking, baby, they may be stuffed in a pants pocket.

[The lap girls giggle at "stuffed," while Windham smirks. The redhead keeps looking and eventually pulls something out of the bag.]

REDHEAD: Could this [giggle] be it?

[Windham looks over the girls' heads and his eyes go wide. The girls on his lap begin to laugh out loud, causing the rest of the room to divert their attention. Pretty soon, all the girls are laughing and the ones on Windham's lap find themselves pushed off and onto the floor.

Troy storms over to the redhead and snatches the box out of her hand. It's not a box of condoms.

It's a box of Viagra.]

WINDHAM: WHAT THE F[BLEEEP!] HOW THE F[BLEEEP!] DID THIS GET IN HERE?

REDHEAD: I don't know. Maybe you should ask your doctor?

[Laughter fills the room again as the girls, one by one, leave Windham and the Entourage alone in the dressing room. Windham flips the box around to discover a note taped to the back.]

WINDHAM [reading]: "We've Only Just Begun..."

[Troy's face turns red as he throws the box against the now-closed door, and the camera cuts elsewhere.]

MN: Lindsay Troy should be hunted down like a dog for embarrassing the Epitome like that!

DM: Serves him right!

DT: What a night it’s been so far leading into this match. Kin Hiroshi will be facing Adam Benjamin for the EPW Television Title. Both men have been on a roll lately, but will Mike Evers be a factor in this match like he was in Benjamin’s last match against Karla Starr?

Mike Neely: You mean when he showed Starr what a man can do to a woman when squaring off in the middle of the ring?

DT: Which is why we have a female world champion, right?

MN: It’s only a matter of time before Troy Windham takes care of that problem and the EPW can be the premiere wrestling organization in the world.

DT: It already is. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Your thoughts, Dean?

Dean Matthews: Well, it’s going to be one hell of a match. Benjamin has developed an edge to him in recent weeks, making him much more dominate. At the same time, it could hurt him in the long run. This is Kin Hiroshi, a man who has proven time and time again he is high caliber.

DT: On that note we take it down to the ring.

[Screen cuts to ringside…]

Tony Fatora: The next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the EPW Television Title.

['Sigillum Diaboli" by H.I.M plays over the EPW sound system as Kin Hiroshi breaks through the curtains and makes his way down to the ring…]

TF: The challenger, from Tokyo, Japan and weighing in at 235 pounds: Kin Hiroshi!

[The crowd pops as Hiroshi enters the ring and warms up…]

TF: And now, making his way to the ring...

[“Loose Yourself” by Emiem begins to blast as "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin makes his way slowly to the ring.

TF: The champion. Weighing in at 245 pounds. He’s from the United Kingdom. “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin!

[Adam makes his way into the ring and stands firm in his corner waiting for the bell to ring…]

DT: Both men are staring each other down, as this match is now under way. Neither man has made a move yet. They’re circling each other. A tie up and a nice trip by Benjamin as he follows Hiroshi onto the mat. He’s got Kin in an arm bar.

DM: He’s keeping it simple for now. We’ll see if Hiroshi can retaliate.

MN: Doubtful.

DM: And we’ve managed to get one multiple syllable word out of Neely in this match. We’ll try to make it two.

DT: Hiroshi now, rolling out of the arm bar but Benjamin catches him in a head scissors. Hiroshi struggling as Benjamin looks to be having fun.

DM: I wonder what’s going through Benjamin’s head right now.

[Crowd starts getting louder…]

DT: As if on cue, the fans are letting you know what’s going through the television champ’s mind.

[Chants of “Mike Evers” are increasingly louder… Adam Benjamin getting just as increasingly frustrated…]

DT: Kin Hiroshi working his way out of the head scissors but Benjamin gauges his eyes!

MN: Wonderful.

DM: We’ve got two out of him! Simply amazing commentary.

DT: The action continues as Benjamin maneuvers around Kin and slaps on a chin lock. Kin yelling in pain and the ref asks him if he’s finished.

DM: It won’t end like that. I’ll tell you that much.

MN: Adam Benjamin could have this match finished with whatever hold he chooses. Chin lock included.

DM: Amazing! He’s back with us.

DT: The chants continue as Benjamin once again gets away from his game plan. He’s hitting Kin Hiroshi squarely in the face with those closed fists.

DM: I’m surprised there hasn’t been any offense from Hiroshi so far in the match.

MN: Why is that surprising? That’s a typical Adam Benjamin match.

DT: Hiroshi rolling away and Benjamin close on his tail. Kin up to his feet and Benjamin reaches him… big rights and lefts by Hiroshi! Spinning kick and Benjamin goes down!

DM: How’s that for offense?

MN: Adam’s just playing with him. If all of his matches lasted 2 minutes or less then the fans would consider him boring. Instead, he keeps them clamoring for more.

DM: More Mike Evers from the sound of the crowd.

DT: Benjamin slowly getting to his feet as Hiroshi goes to the top rope. He sees Kin up there and runs over to him… Kin’s feet are out from under him and he just got railed.

MN: I’m lovin’ it!

DT: Benjamin drags him off of the turnbuckle. Front face lock applied and it’s looking like Adam Benjamin is bringing this back to the mat.

DM: It’s where he’s the most comfortable, Dave. Adam Benjamin has definitely set the pace for this match. Great attempt by Kin to pick up the tempo, but he’s been slowed down once again.

DT: Hiroshi struggling… Benjamin from a front face lock into a DDT! Hiroshi is laid out flat.

[Crowd once again with the chant of “Mike Evers”…]

MN: Can somebody get these fans to shut up for a few minutes while Adam finishes off Hiroshi. They can chant whatever they want to after that.

DT: Benjamin with the slow methodical break down of Hiroshi’s defenses here tonight. He helps Kin up and Kin with a surge of energy… he pushes Benjamin back.

DM: I don’t know where he’s getting this energy from.

DT: Benjamin goes back a few steps before surging back at Hiroshi. Hiroshi with a stiff clothesline! Benjamin back up… he’s whipped into the ropes. Hiroshi with a big back body drop! Benjamin up again with a boot to the stomach and yet another DDT on Kin Hiroshi. He’s standing Hiroshi back up and slaps him into the abdominal stretch…

DM: Now that’s something I don’t see too often!

MN: Adam Benjamin is putting on a clinic and I’m loving every minute of it!

DT: The crowd is clearly under Benjamin’s skin tonight as he drops Hiroshi and yells out at the fans. This is very untypical of him, but we’ve seen this side of him before.

DM: The fans are the least of his concerns. That guy really needs to concern himself with the guy he’s been giving a lot of opportunities to in this match.

DT: Hiroshi is standing up right now. It’s obvious to see he’s in a lot of pain.

MN: What’s this fool trying to do?

DT: He’s going to the top again. Benjamin has his back turned and can’t see Hiroshi.

DM: He’s too busy jaw-jacking with the fans from inside the ring.

DT: He turns around just in time and MISSILE DROPKICK from Hiroshi! Oh my… that sent Benjamin out of the ring and Hiroshi is on the mat rolling in pain.

DM: You can tell that Benjamin is stunned on the outside, but he’s on all fours out there so he’s okay.

[Crowd starts chanting once again…]

DT: There’s once fan in particular that is giving Adam Benjamin an earful at ringside from behind the rail. Benjamin getting to his feet and turning to the fan. The fan just said something about Mike Evers to him… he just slapped that fan! Oh my God! That’s probably going to have some repercussions when the night is over.

MN: Not from Kin Hiroshi though. He’s been using the ropes to try and pull himself up but he’s not doing a very good job of it.

DM: Has anyone else noticed that Benjamin hasn’t been paying attention to the ref’s count?

DT: He’s busy with the fans, as a few of the buddies of the man he just slapped have come to his rescue. Security is settling the issues as we speak.

[This whole time the ref has been counting…]

8…

9…

10!!!!!!!!!!

DT: The ref has called for the bell on this one. Hiroshi is up on his feet now in the ring.

[The ring announcer speaks over the EPW sound system…]

Ring Announcer: The winner of this match as a result of a count out… Kin Hiroshi!

[The crowd cheers as once again a chant starts breaking out among the crowd…The referee holds Kin Hiroshi’s hand high…Hiroshi heads up the ramp to the back and Benjamin slaps the apron in frustration. Benjamin stalks over to the crewman near the time keeper and demands a microphone.]

A-Ben: I’ve had it with all of this Mike Evers crap. You people want Mike Evers??

[loud cheers]

A-Ben: Shut up!!! Mike Evers doesn’t deserve a shot at this title!! Evers!! You want a piece of me….I’ll tell you what!! You can have a shot at me…but only if that stupid hick of a manager of yours can pin me first!! That’s right, Evers!! Tell Wisconsin Bill…hyuk hyuk…that if he wants his new protégé to get a TV Title shot on pay per view…he has to pin my shoulders to the mat. You have until the end of the night to answer…then I’m comin’ back there to find you and beat an answer out of you.

[Benjamin slams the mic down and walks angrily up the ramp and through the curtain.]

DT: This isn’t how Hiroshi wanted to win tonight. Adam Benjamin keeps the title and seems to be entirely too interested in what the fans think, now even challenging Wisconsin Bill to a match for the right to have Mike Evers get a TV Title shot at Unleashed! Well wrestling fans, we’re sorry but we have to cut to a commercial break. Don’t change that dial! EPW Aggression 23 will be back after these messages!

[Scene fades to your local monster truck rally advertisement… “Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!”…]
 

DBrunkGXW

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DT: It's main event time here in the Mile High City and it's been an explosive night so far, wouldn't you say gentlemen?

MN: Why do we have to waste time with this match anyway? It's a foregone conclusion that Windham and his Entourage are going to wipe the mat and this pit's floor with Brown, Melton and Troy. Can't we all just get our paychecks and go home? I've got Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire already pre-ordered back at the hotel!

DM: It's a wonder to me why Ryan keeps you on the payroll.

MN: No namecalling, and compared to you I'm a regular Joe Theismann.

DM: You've got the arrogant prick market cornered alright...

DT: I'm not going to babysit the two of you, so knock it off!

DM: You always end up doing it anyway, Dave.

DT: I know. Tragic, isn't it?

[Suddenly the EmpireTron springs to life and Wisconsic Bill, manager for Mike Evers appears on the screen. Bill is in a dressing room, and he’s whispering. The sound of a shower can be heard, from the adjoining shower room.]

Wisconsin Bill: Adam Benjamin, you just made the mistake of your life. You want a piece of ol’ Wisconsin Bill? You got him! And when I pin you to the mat, my man Mike evers will slap your silly overrated ass all over the ring, son! And that’s a promise!!

[From off camera] Mike Evers: What’s a promise??

Bill: [startled] Damn, boy. Ya just about scared the bejeezus outta me.

Evers: Bill, tell me you didn’t just do what I think you did.

Bill: Nothin’ to worry about. You’re on your way, boy. You’re on your way.

[Evers looks up, eyes closed and exasperated as we cut back to the arena.]

[CUE-UP: "Beverly Hills" by Weezer as the ENTOURAGE emerges from the curtain first, followed by TROY WINDHAM. Z! stops right before the ramp, flexing his calf muscles and grunting at the crowd before letting loose an animalistic roar. August De La Rossi kowtows to a mink coat and sunglass wearing Windham, who stops dead center stage and poses to the crowd. Denver's finest boo Windham for all they're worth, only to have the sentiment turned up a notch once Windham reaches into the pockets of his coat and throws teabags out to the crowd!

DT: Oh now that's just disgusting. Windham further rubbing in what was a despicable action against Joey Melton just a few weeks ago.

MN: I hope they're Bombay teabags. Lipton sucks. You think he'll toss some our way?

DM: Dear God, I hope not.

[The Entourage enters the ring and Windham tosses his coat off to a ringside lackey. He flexes his muscles and grins at a few rats in the front row while "Beverly Hills" is replaced with "Rainmaker" by Iron Maiden. The man who took Lindsay Troy to a time limit draw the week before enters the arena to a nice ovation. "The Dragon" calmly walks to down the ring and jumps up on the apron to await his partners.]

DM: Karl Brown just may be the most level-headed one out of all the people in the main event tonight.

MN: Bah, who needs level-headedness when you're a huuuuuuuuge star like Windham, De La Ross and Zoltan!?

[CUE-UP: "Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benatar.]

MELTON V/O: Alllllllllllllllllllll Aboard.

CUTTO: Melton’s Gold Dancers, all twelve, dressed like sailors, pull a ten-foot model Cruise Ship onto the stage, then slowly down the aisle. Joey stands on the deck, dressed as a Captain, waving to happy prisoners. Common folk stuck watching this dreck to get their full value. Sure the dollar doesn’t stretch as far as it used to, but this is cruel.

Once to the ring, two of the Melton Gold Dancers open up a ladder to Melton, and hold his hands as she climbs down, smoking pipe nestled in his mouth.

MN: Wow, that’s class Dave.

DT: You can’t shovel class, what I had in mind, we’re knee deep in right now.

DM: Mmmm..Milk duds.

DT: Shue. Both of you.

MN: Melton with the Gold Dancers again. I’m sure that was a battle won with Troy. The question is…

DM: What did he have to give up? Right. [Shudder]

[The lights in the arena begin to flicker and the RYANtron lights up with the all-too familiar snarky quote of the final person in the Main Event:

"Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn't there some way to be both?"

CUE-UP: "Money, Power, Respect" by Lil Kim, DMX and the Lox. The crowd rises to its feet as Lindsay Troy walks slowly out from behind the curtain. Pyro erupts all around her as she stands on-stage, cooly smirking at the men awaiting her in the ring. She runs her hand over the faceplate of the EPW title and saunters down the ramp, taking her time and locking eyes with her tag partners. Windham sneers at her as she jumps flat-footed onto the apron and flips over the top-rope into the ring to hand the referee the title.]

DT: Your EPW World Heavyweight Champion folks!

MN: Unless you can play at the Masters, you shouldn’t be wrestling grown men for a half-ton of Gold! Period!

DM: Mike you never switched over from DOS to Windows did you?

MN: Egads!

SFX: DING!

DT: It’s Karl Brown to start for….what are we calling Melton and Troy’s team?

MN: Melton and Troy are on opposite sides Thomas. Really, crystal meth. Not good. It’s robbed you of the clarity that made you one of the middle of the road analysts in this business.

DM: He’s right. I saw a PRIMETIME LIVE special on what that can do to a person. Not pleasant. Imagine a dealer handing you a tasty 32 oz. Meth drink, it’s like sucking the life force out with a straw. But, your thirst is replaced with leather skin and red blotch eye sores.

MN: What combo is that on Denny’s menu?

DT: The fans are Denver on all over Troy….Windham. Damn you both. [Neely and Matthews SNICKER] They want Windham to start. He’s run down EPW enough, and the Mile High city enough in print interviews leading up to this event…they’re ready to see what the man’s got! [Troy eggs on the heat, teasing the fans-one foot in the ring, the other outside the ropes. Are they ready for the King of All-Media? Have they done enough in their lives to earn it?] Brown dodges and Troy and Windham backs off!

MN: These idiots are booing, but don’t blame Windham. Brown’s English. They spent the middle portion of the 20th century huddled in bomb shelters. What do they know about making an entrance?

DT: We’re burning TV time, Mike. I don’t see how Windham refusing to enter the ring is showmanship.

MN: Of course you don’t. There’s two constants in this world. Nobody can think for Troy Windham, and black people don’t read Shakespeare.

DT: If this man is as great as he says he is, let’s see it. The Sun shines every day, Neely. That’s all I’m saying. Brown frustrated by Windham’s antics asking the ref Henry Jones Jr. to force Windham into the ring, but Jones is giving up fifty pounds and a few pay grades.

DM: Yeah, about any ref can do here is threaten Windham with a time out.

DT: That’s exactly what the man is doing! Standing in his corner quietly! [BOO!] Finally, Troy steps through the ropes [SARCASTIC CHEERS]. Windham asking Jones to check Brown’s boot again. Sweet Saint Mary, come on. Karl Brown is as clean as they come.

MN: If he doesn’t have an Olympic background probably so.

DT: Jones checks, but Windham’s not satisfied. [CUTTO: Troy pointing animatedly at the boots of Karl Brown] Windham asking for the boots to come off! He can’t be serious?

DM: I just read an article about drug smugglers sewing coke inside the stomachs of little puppies.

MN: Exactly. How well do we really know our neighbors, or in this case, Karl Brown?

DT: Right. Brown’s hidden Turkish hash in the bowels of Lindsay Troy and Melton. [CUTTO: Brown steaming bad. Refusing to take off his boot]

TIME KEEPER: [V/O] EIGHT MINUTES REMAIN. EIGHT MINUTES REMAIN.

[BOOOOO]

DT: This is a disgrace.

MN: Why? The man clearly won’t take off his boots. If I accused of you keeping small Asian children locked in your basement…and you were innocent, would you show me your basement?

DT: Of course! [MN: Point prov---] I’m not playing this game! And neither is Karl Brown! Windham out of the ring, refusing to compete with Brown as he is. This is outrageous!

CUTTO: August De La Rossi slipping through the bottom of the ropes behind Brown.

DT: De La Rossi in the ring! He just clipped Karl’s left knee! That’s not right! August yanks Brown up by the hair, and tosses him into the corner. The Dragon can barely stand! August big uppercut forearm!

CUTTO: Lindsay Troy reaching over the ropes, and grabbing De La Rossi by the hair. [MARK!]

DT: LINDSAY REVERSE NECKBREAKER over the top rope! [CUTTO: A moving-pan of the Pepsi Center. Fans ba ba ba ba lovin’ it]

DM: [CUTTO: August in the ring, clutching his neck, shaking like a fish.] I think Windham’s going to need a new art student.

MN: In today’s market he won’t any trouble finding one ready and willing to do his bidding for a meal.

DT: Speaking of, Troy into the ring in a flash and burying a running knee into Brown’s gut! [BOOO] Windham reaching into his back pocket and pulling out…a fudge pop stick?

CUTTO: Troy jamming a stick down Brown’s gagging throat

DT: Windham choking a man to death!

MN: Hardly! It’s a Step test you fool!

DT: Shut it! BULLDOG by Troy! [BOOOOOOOOO] The fans letting him know! Utter disapproval with his antics! Cowardly AT BEST! [CUTTO: Troy, hurt by the unfounded criticism and bowing out of the ring, tagging in Zoltan! Z hits the ring in a fury! Irish Whip, and he catches Brown with a devastating clothesline! The Brit’s head about popped off like a cork! [CUTTO: Z! rushing to the ropes, and laying his outstretched right leg on the middle rope. GROWLING and FLEXING his massive calf!

MN: It’s Fright Night in the Pepsi Center! Look at the front row of fans! It’s as if they’ve seen Casey Affleck in Hostel 2!

DT: August De La Rossi finally to his feet. Elbow drop on Brown! Karl in big trouble early going! August hooking the arms, and holding the Dragon back! Z!….CALF SHOT TO THE NECK!

MN: NO!! A move that’s illegal in seven states, and much of Paris!

DM: Lindsay Troy storming into the ring, but Henry Jones Jr. tackles her in mid-air, forcing her back to in her corner and out of the ring! Sorry Dave…thought you might still be in awe of the calf shot. It nearly blinded me.

CUTTO: August and Zoltan holding Brown up, and dragging him to Windham, who stands on the apron outside of the ropes. Troy looks for the ref, then slams the fudge stick back down Karl’s throat. Brown kicks and GAGS, but Windham shoves it deeper.

DT: Jones! Don’t turn you back on that snake! Wake up! [BOO!] Windham humiliating Karl Brown, or trying to kill him, either or as far as I can tell. [CUTTO: Troy disgustedly turning around to flip off the fans. In a proper kingdom these paupers would be tied to dogs and run for days for their brazen lack of respect.]

MN: What’s great about tonight’s broadcast Dave is it’s being podcast on August’s Free Tibet website where fans can also make donations, and help write the next U2 album.

DT: Brown! Karl his arms held by two goons leaps off his feet and DROPKICKS Windham off the apron! [MARK!] Karl fights, kicks off the ropes DOUBLE ARM DRAG! [MARK!] [CUTTO: August and Zoltan grabbing hands and sharing a moment before running at Brown.] Karl rolls under the clothesline, [TAG!] off the ropes FLYING BODY PRESS ON BOTH MEN! Jones to count, ONE….TWO….Z! POWERS OUT! Brown sent three feet in the air, and back down on August! [OOF!]

MN: The teamwork’s a little rusty tonight, Dave. Let’s keep in the mind the Entourage is usually crusading for….

DM: For?

MN: For…well… a number of issues! The world would be a better place mind you, if De La Rossi was in charge, I can promise you that!

DT: Zoltan stomps on the back of Brown’s neck! [MARK!]

CUTTO: Lindsay Troy, perched on the top rope, leaping off. She throws her left leg around the back of Zoltan’s head, then lets her weight carry over, before throwing the right.

DT: HURRICANRANA! What a move! [LINDSAY TROY! LINDSAY TROY!] Lindsay whispers something in Jones’ ear…and he’s blushing like a schoolboy! [Henry Jones walking away from the action, mimicking picking petals off a rose. ‘She loves me, she loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not.’] Lindsay whips Zoltan into her corner where Melton’s hunched over in the ring, ZOLTAN SPRUNG OVER THE TOP ROPE!!

SFX: CRASH! OOOOOOOOF!

CUTTO: Zoltan hung over the security railing like dirty clothes on a country line.

DT: This place is rocking!

DM: What the hell did she say to Jones?!

MN: Filthy little [CENSOR]. Windham was right.

DT: August trying to sneak out of the ring but Troy grabs him by the shirt collar! De La Rossi now, BEGGING off. Hah!

MN: Think of all the great works he’s yet to do! Troy [CUTTO: Lindsay clinching an arm bar.] not his campaigning hand! Please! If she forces this idiot to tap out, we’re all doomed to rely on foreign fossil fuel for eternity! I can feel it!

DT: Savat kick by Lindsay, and August hits the mat! Troy runs, and leaps off the middle rope, LIONSAULT!

DM: The good news is I think her left elbow caught his balls. The bad news. Well, that’s sorta the bad news too.

DT: Troy…HIGH-FIVE to Karl Brown and a wink to Melton! [MARK!] First time as a team together, and it ain’t bad! [CUTTO: De la Rossi scrambling like eggs to his corner where a DETERMINED Troy Windham is waiting. Windham TAGS before August can even think it.]

[YEAH!]

DT: Windham can’t get in the ring fast enough! This is what he wanted! [CUTTO: Windham ****-eating grin on his face taking off his ‘Jesus Got It Done’ T-shirt] Windham snapping his knuckles, fingers dancing, ready to tango…. DENVER wants it as well!

DM: Well hell, what Denver wants..Denver gets.

DT: Collar and elbow tie-up, NO! Lindsay ducks under…and is calmly walking to her corner. [TAG!] Melton’s in. [Scattered BOOS] Windham visibly miffed that Troy’s gone…Joey ties him up! Side-headlock. Back-body drop by Windham! Melton on his feet, standing dropkick by Troy! And Joey’s sent spiraling towards a free corner! Windham rushes in but nobody’s home! Melton moved and Windham’s right shoulder jammed into the top turnbuckle!

MN: I don’t understand it, Thomas.

DT: Melton…knife-edge chop. [WHOOO!] Windham rake of the eyes! Reversal in the corner, Troy, KNIFE-EDGE CHOP! [WHOO!] Melton reversal! Troy reversal! CHOP! CHOP! Melton’s stunned. Irish whip into the opposite corner!

CUTTO: Melton hitting the corner back first and slumping over. Troy rushing in, but Joey gets his right foot up!

DT: Windham with a mouthful of boot! Melton hops to the second turnbuckle and jumps off with a double ax handle! Windham to his knees, reaching for his back! Chin-lock by Joey!

MN: Why would she leave? Why would Lindsay refuse to wrestle Troy?

DM: I think that’s the least of your worries, personally.

DT: Melton wrestling Troy to the mat. Full camel-clutch. Pulling back on Windham’s neck. At some point in time the man’s had every bone in his body broken just about. Troy’s a medical miracle, give him that. The wars with Eli Flair, his brother…

DM: The establishment.

DT: Right. In obvious discomfort, but Windham powers back to his knees. [MARK!] Troy on his feet with Melton on his shoulders…STUN GUN! Melton dropped neck first over the top rope! [CUTTO: August cheering happily.]

MN: Forgive me fellows, but when our World Champion refuses to wrestle the best, I’ve got a problem with that.

DT: Troy stomping away at Joey! You can feel the hate with every kick! Joey rolls outside, shaken, but Windham is on top of him. [SFX: CRASH!] Joey sent face first into the security railing! The front row of fans scramble. Windham, this is his game. Yes he’s glorious, yes he’s beautiful, yes he’s a metrosexual, but at hear the man’s a brawler. And he’s tearing into Joey on the outside. Slamming right hands into Melton’s skull.

DM: Melton’s not exactly ancient Dave, but at his age…he can’t afford to be outside the ring, playing John Wayne.

DT: Troy sets Joey over the top of the railing, racking the Unifier! With a chair in hand, the Boy Troy climbs on the apron! Jones! Somebody get Jr. back from the heavens and into this match!

CUTTO: Troy throwing a chair at Joey, then leaping off the apron and DROPKICKING it against Melton’s head.

[OHHHH!]

DT: Melton falling into the fans. His face, maybe his head..broken. What a deadly shot! Just brutal. Windham reaching for Joey’s corpse….dragging into back over the line. The embarrassment he’s caused this man in the last month. When does it end?

DM: Dave….we’re not on at midnight. Shush.

DT: Melton wearily propped over the apron. Barley clutching the bottom rope. Windham catches the eye of Troy. Lindsay’s walking to him. [MARK!] Windham throws down the chair, and BEGS her to come fight. Windham on his KNEES! But, Lindsay walks off, stalking around the iron post, further from the scene! [CUTTO: August De La Rossi in the ring, he runs off the ropes at Melton…] De La Rossi BASEBALL SLIDE, BUT JOEY MOVES! AUGUST CREAMS TROY!

CUTTO: De La Rossi kicking Windham into the railing.

DT: Melton thumb to the eye…Joey…drops to his knees….RACK! He just took a free shot at Windham’s groin!

DM: Mike? That’s yours buddy.

MN: You two are marks. I’ll tell you that. We’ve got an IMAGE problem when Troy won’t go after Windham!

DT: Melton rolls Troy back in the ring, and he follows suit. His head still ringing I’m sure, but Joey has Windham up…BRAINBUSTER! Melton dragging Windham to his corner, [TAG!] Figure four! Joey with the Figure Four! Lindsay in the ring [MARK!] and she’s standing over Troy’s body! Refusing to take a shot!

[Scattered BOOS]

MN: COME ON!

DT: Henry Jones calling for he break…as Melton’s not the legal man! Windham screaming in pain, but I think he’s more incensed that Troy won’t touch him!

DM: Twenty years from now she’ll look back on this and regret not getting the cheap thrill.

MN: This is our World Champion boys. And she’s already beaten by Windham. What does this say about the company? [CUTTO: Melton breaking the hold and rolling out of the ring.]

DT: I don’t think it says anything.

MN: Phift.

DT: Windham to his feet like he was shot out of a cannon. Face-to-face…Windham again smirking….yelling obscenities! Lindsay…. The fans are BEGGING her….she won’t wrestle!

MN: This is the man who recently FIREBOMBED her face….and she’s bailing?! I’m, stepping out of characters boys, I’m sick.

DT: [TAG!] Melton back in…I think he’s surprised at that. Joey in…and Troy…Lindsay’s WALKING OUT??

CUTTO: Lindsay Troy off the apron and robotically walking back up the aisle.

DT: Windham’s incensed! Right hand from Joey to get Troy’s attention! [TAG!] To Karl Brown…Brown in…IRISH WHIP, powerslam by Brown! Melton suplexes Brown up…and down on Troy! [CUTTO: Zoltan rushing in!] Zoltan in…he and Melton going toe-to-toe! Brown whipping Troy to the ropes… [CUTTO: Troy catching himself on the ropes with his arms…tagging August and jumping out of the ring.]

MN: He’s going after Troy! I don’t blame him!

CUTTO: Windham spitting blood, tearing up the aisle after Lindsay.

DM: Neely are you that dumb?

DT: Zoltan bench press slams Melton! This one has broken open! Brown, fresh…tearing into August! Although, it has to be said either one of us could probably handle that!

DM: Easy. Rossi claims to have studied with Chuck Norris.

DT: Zoltan…CALF KICK to Brown! How any man can still stand from that I don’t know, but the Dragon is! Zoltan choke hold, LIFTS BROWN STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR! Melton jumps on Z!’s back…SLEEPER HOLD!

MN: Let’s get a camera to the back to see Windham tear into the coward!

DT: Z! Fighting to hold Brown up…but Melton with the sleep hold in tight! Z! fading…stumbling back…. He drops Karl! August now on Brown’s back! Sleeper Hold! Double Sleeper!

DM: First time since 1981! IN Houston!

DT: Z! To his knees…he rolls out of the ring….with MELTON STILL ON HIS BACK! Brown dives into a corner, and August crumbles!

MN: Let’s get a camera back there! Screw this! Windham’s probably got her tapping out, or begging for more by now!

DT: Zoltan…on his feet somehow! His arms swinging, his movement slurred…it’s a Monster Mash! He’s alivvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve. Those calves are aliiiiiiiiiive! [CUTTO: Brown dropping August with a swinging neckbreaker.]

DM: La Rossi’s expiration date just hit, Dave.

DT: Brown, almost bemused, but fueled by the crowd….DRAGONSUPLEX! [MARK!] INTO A PIN! [MARK!]

CUTTO: Zoltan finally going to his knees, then killing over. Melton breaks the hold, on his knees, relaxed that it’s over. In a FLASH, Z!’s right arm shoots up like in a bad horror film and grips Melton’s throat! HE CAN’T BE KILLED!

DT: Henry Jones Jr. to count….ONE…………….TWO…………….THREE! [MARK!]

CUTTO: Zoltan on his feet, backing Melton up in a chokehold. He’s a beast!

DT: Jones raises Brown’s hands….IT’S OVER! They’ve won it! Troy, Melton, and Karl Brown!

CUTTO: Melton being backed around the ring in a chokehold. His eyes reddening.

DM: I think Melton’s dying.

MN: At the very least you could write a Springsteen song about he misery he’s in.

ZOLTAN:ZZZZZZZ CALVES! LOOK AT ZZZZ CALVES!

DT: Melton choked…to his knees!

ZOLTAN: ZMIRE THE CALVES! ZRAY TO THE CALVES!

SFX: WHACK!

[MARK!]

DT: Karl Brown with a chair to Zoltan’s head! NOTHING!

SFX: WHACK! WHACK!

DT: Melton free…but Zoltan on both legs…though the land is unsure.

SFX: WHACK!

DT: Goodnight.

MN: To the back!!! Enough!

DT: Fans, that’s our time! Thanks for joining us!

MN: Noooooooooo!

DM: Neely are you crying?

DT: Wait! Seconds left…go! Go!

CUTTO: Lindsay Troy’s dressing room. Troy Windham, in a RAGE, has torn apart the dressing room! No signs of Lindsay Troy. No signs of her belongings. It’s empty, sans the pictures, and furniture overturned and thrown through the walls.

TROY WINDHAM: WOMANNNNNNNNNNNNNN! HEREEEEE [CENSOR] HERE [CENSOR].

DT: Good grief he’s gone mad!

CUTTO: Unmarked dressing room. Lindsay Troy, in a lounge chair, feet propped up, watching Windham’s crazed antics on a monitor. Beautiful grin on her face. Mission accomplished.

MN: WHAT!

DT: Genius! For Dean Matthews and Mike Neely, I'm Dave Thomas and that's all from the Pepsi Center! Good night!!

[Fade to copyright info.]
 
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