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AGGRESSION 21: Houston, TX - 12/16/05

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DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
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Sep 11, 1997
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Age
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Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Meltons
He was the last to board the train. Pacing car length until he’d extinguished the souls of his Doc Martins, Joey sought an excuse. He would’ve bought one from a fellow passenger if any had seemed approachable. His life, concerns, insecurities, they weren’t as contagious as Melton needed them to be. Life went on beside him, and he knew comfortably now, it’d go on in his absence.

Joey slid through the closing doors knowing it was easier to blow himself up than turn back. Nervously, after freeing his left foot from the kissing doors, he zipped his winter coat up until the teeth were sowing layers of skin into fabric. The walk was measured and unsure. The man’s knees buckled, and at his age, it meant a chorus line of history was sounded like the proud Jazz of a trumpet player performing in his room, alone, but hitting the notes still because he can.

The Beast was stalked in delicious irony. Too lazy, and well-fed to consider Joey a threat. A second before cementing the ending to his script, Melton wondered if, just perhaps, Beast knew he was there. Sometimes, you have to blow a man up to win. It’s not what they tell you your first day in the business, but we all learn life lessons at our own pace.

There would be things Melton missed. But, Lindsay was better off this way. She should covet someone her own age, a man who didn’t fake being saved. This was the right move.

Marcus needed to die.

“Give me some time, Joey…time,” Ryan kept saying, reeling Joey in from the cold. If Dan wasn’t ready to book Melton and Beast in a Main Event, Joey couldn’t see how waiting six months to a year would be appropriate, or even fair. Melton couldn’t look at himself in the mirror and admit he wasn’t a front line player anymore. He’d convinced himself carrying Cruise to a raise, and a handful of dirt-rag articles meant something, but Joey wanted the top again. Greensboro was his until Merritt molded Hornet from clay out of spite. Joey told him back then he’d never be able to make anything as great as what he had. Melton played his hand for a stake in the company, for celebrity treatment, and more upfront. Maybe it was more a stroke of luck than Merritt genius that called his bluff, but here he is almost twenty years later being held from the Main Event again while the next generation is resold.

Joey couldn’t look at himself in the mirror and admit to being a mid-card player, but he could kill himself with ease. He tried three years ago on a dare.

Melton thumbed the ignition. As he pressed the button, he mimicked the complacent faces surrounding him, side-bets on which of them he’d see in hell.

“Marcus...”

One-second delay.

“Sorry.”

He was blind with no tool to measure time. How long was his world dark and cold? How long would the guilt rear its ugly head?

Melton could feel the grass scratching his nose, and the sun baking his naked back. His eyes were his to open, and though he struggled to relearn how, Joey took this new world, where there didn’t seem to be pain at all, in.

He stood on a grassy hillside as beautiful as ever painted. A cleansing wind wept through his hair, and there was no urge to cover himself, or turn in horror behind. Joey Melton was free from his world of sin, and true to the promises that were told to him, he saw, fifty feet ahead the backs of sixty-four thighs.

Thirty-two virgin women waited. To those who don’t believe in God, yeah, well, take that.

Paradise: Melton’s reward for killing a man who had bored the wrestling world past the point of tears.

As Melton approached a redhead, her pale white-skin ready to blush in embarrassment and waves of pleasure, he smiled, and let his arms reach and lead the rest of the way. She moaned as the Sexual All-American firmly took her hips.

“Which one’s first?” Joey asked, nibbling into her neckline.

“Hey bro, do me…I’m the best.”

One by one they turned to face Melton, and there to his disbelief stood the face of Cameron Cruise, thirty-two times.

“What the hell is this?”

“Welcome to Paradise, big boy.”

As Joey was dog piled under Cameron Cruise, he let out a wail that awakened his fellow dead.

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

“Joey!!” Lindsay rolled Melton in annoyed violence. “Joey! Wake up!”

“Nooooo---wah?”

“God Bless America. You’ve been screaming like a banshee for the last five minutes.”

“Lindsay? Lindsay is that you?” He buried himself in her chest before she could hit him. “I didn’t mean to do it. I…I’m not a bomber, you know this. I’m not crazy. I’m not.”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

He paused.

“You could be a little more sensitive to my nightmares. Just FYI.”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby. Was it the one about Cameron Cruise again?”

Don’t fall in love. Ever. Seriously.

“I hate everything about you,” he announced before rolling back over to sleep.

“Just once, I’d love it if you dreamed about me. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“But,” Joey spoke, turning back around to face Troy, his face as honest as Abe’s. “I do everyday.”

“Oh shut the f*ck up.”

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

INTRO – Troy Arrives & Boogie Makes a Deal
[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.

CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.

CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.

CUT TO: Steven Shane standing victorious in the ring.

CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Ron Artest

CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.

CUT TO: Joey Melton, mugging for the crowd.

CUT TO: Boogie Smallz lighting up a blunt.

CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Beast.

CUT TO: JA and Sebastian Dodd locking up in the middle of the ring.

CUT TO: Troy Windham, mugging with the Entourage.

CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.

CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]

[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol.]

[We cut to the broadcast booth where Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews sit.]

[The sounds of a screaming, sold-out Toyota Center fill the air as the

cameras cut to the backstage area before the twenty-first edition of EPW

AGGRESSION hits the air.]

DT [V/O]: We're just moments away from coming to you live from Houston,

Texas, but our backstage crew got wind of an arrival to the arena. We're

back there now...Kenny, are you there?

MN [V/O]: Smart money says it's HORNET WINZ~!! coming to take his revenge on

that Greensboro Heat Sucker!

[Cut-to: KENNY LOMBARDO, his back to the opened garage door of the arena.]

KL: I'm here Dave, Mike and Dean. Word came through on the radios back here

that there's been a black limo sighting in the area and the dispatcher

informed us that it was on its way to the Toyota Center. He didn't say who

was in the car, only that...

[In the background, said black limo rolls down the ramp and into the arena.

CROWD POP! Lombardo turns around and waits for the limo to come to a stop.

The chauffeur jumps out of the car, pushes Lombardo back and opens the

door...]

[CROWD POP!]

DM [V/O]: Gentlemen, I think it's safe to say that we're in the presence of

Royalty!

[LINDSAY TROY emerges from the backseat of the limo, duffel bag slung over

her shoulder.]

KL: Lindsay! Can I get a word?

[Troy nods to the driver, who re-enters the car, then stares at Lombardo.]

LT: No, but you could carry my bag for me.

[She places the duffel over Lombardo's shoulder and proceeds to walk

off-camera. The crowd laughs in the background, while Kenny just stands in

place, dumbfounded.]

LT [off-camera]: GET THE LEAD OUT, LOMBARDO!

[Kenny shakes his head and runs out of the shot, while the cameras cut to

black.]

[CUT TO: Backstage. Boogie Smallz walks in sporting a Houston Texans jersey with the number “1” on both sides and “R. BUSH” on the back. He has a lit blunt hanging out of his mouth, his hair is froed out with a fro pick sticking out, and he has on black warm-up pants with the left leg hiked up to his knee.


Boogie walks up to the line-up sheet and takes a drag off of his blunt.]


BOOGIE: Entourage versus JA and Troy.


[Making his way down the list with his finger.]


Don’t know them…don’t know them.


Two schmucks in an IC title match.


[Still moving his finger down the list.]


Jobber match.


Joey versus Hiroshi.


Ahh yeah. [Puffs his blunt.] TV title match…Tha B To Tha Z, tha man thas gonna help bring EP-Dub back to greatness…Boogeezey…Boogie ma’fuggin Smallz! [Grins.] And then some guy named “Yours Truly”? That sounds so fairy…I ain’t even gonna get into it. Kiss your title goodbye, *****!


[Still looking down the list, puffing his blunt.]


Wait a second…what tha kcuf is this? THREE WAY ACTION!?!?! Karla Starr [Nods his head.] Foxx. [Nods his head.] Mike Evers? [Does a double-take.] Now that don’t sound right.


[Grabs an EPW Magazine lying on a table by the list. He thumbs through it to the diva section to confirm his beliefs.]


Nah…that ain’t right. Mike Evers gets a three-way with these two fine-ass dime pieces? I don’t think so. Somethin’s gotta be done about that.


[Boogie contemplates for a moment and a light bulb goes off in his head. He turns his head to his left and sees Wisconsin Bill, the manager of Mike Evers, grabbing a cup of coffee at the buffet table.]


BOOGIE: Hey…Pecos Bill, what up son?


WISCONSIN BILL: Not s*&% you mother f@%$#!


BOOGIE: Whoa now, Bill. Chill out cowboy. I got a biznuss deal for ya, homey.


WISCONSIN BILL: What kind of a deal?


BOOGIE: How would you like to make your boy a star? I’m talkin’ guaranteed contract, benefits package, all tha ish that comes with bein’ a champion.


WISCONSIN BILL: I’m not sure I see where you’re going with this.


BOOGIE: What am I sayin’? I’m talkin’ about Mike Evers bein’ tha TV champ tonight! Screw a qualifying match…tha man is too good for that. Look at tha big picture, yo.


WISCONSIN BILL: Let me run this by Mike. [Opens a nearby door.] Hey Mike, got out here.


[Boogie puts out his blunt and attempts his best white guy voice.]


BOOGIE: Hi Mike, how you doing there buddy?


MIKE EVERS: Hello sir. I know who you are. I am not sure I should be speaking with you before my three-way tonight.


[Boogie bits his lip at the mention of the word “three-way”. He nods his head and speaks to Evers in his best white guy crackery voice.]


BOOGIE: No Mike, you’ve got it all wrong. I am just misunderstood. In some ways…you remind me a lot of myself.


[Boogie has a confused look on his face, as if he hopes Evers is buying what he is trying to sell.]


MIKE EVERS: I appreciate those comments Mr. Smallz. I will listen to what you have to say.


BOOGIE: So I was thinking that maybe I would help you out and give you a chance to fulfill your dream. No one did it for me…and I had to suffer in a tag team for almost a decade. [Lowers his head and shakes it.] I am trying to make right…what went wrong to me. So tonight…picture this…TV title match…Adam Benjamin defends his title against Mike Evers! DA BOMB! [Pauses, still speaking in a nasally voice.] Did I say that right?


MIKE EVERS: Gee, I don’t know. I signed a contract to face Karla Starr and Foxx…I am a man of my word.


BOOGIE: Come on, Mike. Do this for me. I won a TV title a couple of years ago, I already did that. It’s your turn.


MIKE EVERS: I appreciate the offer, but…


BOOGIE: What…are you worried about your three-way with Foxx and Starr? Hey, I’ve got a great idea. I’ll return the favor…I will fulfill your commitment for the three-way. [Shrugs his shoulders.] It’s the least I could do.


WISCONSIN BILL: As your manager Mike, I am going to accept this offer on your behalf. You can’t let a deal like this pass you by.


[Wisconsin Bill shakes Boogie’s hand.]


BOOGIE: You won’t regret this. When you are TV champ, don’t forget the little people. [Gives out a fake laugh.] Alright buddy, good luck.


[Boogie walks away from Mike Evers and Wisconsin Bill.]


BOOGIE: [Smirks.] Suckas.

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frankie Scott vs. The Sergeant
DT: First up on Aggression we have the first televised match between two very promising athletes. One has come back from retirement and one is a brand new rookie looking to continue make a name for himself. It will be “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott facing The Sergeant.

DM: These two squared off in a dark match at the end of last month with The Sergeant picking up the win. There is a competitive spirit between both Sarge and Scott that I haven’t seen in long time here in EPW. It’s refreshing and bodes well for the future.

MN: The U.S. Army reject against a returning wrestler with delusions of grandeur. We’re not really starting this Aggression off on the right foot now, are we?

DT: Well, The Sergeant has been very focused since debuting. It’ll be interesting to see if he can keep this up.

DM: I think focus could be the deciding factor in this match. Frankie Scott has been worried about quickly reestablishing himself, which has hurt him since the beginning of his return. We’ll see if both men can focus and bring their best to this match for the world to see.

DT: With that, let’s take it down to the ring for the introductions…

[“Phenomenon” by Thousand Foot Krutch plays over the arena speakers… Frankie Scott’s hype video is played on the EPWtron and the fans erupt… “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott bursts through the curtains…Crowd gets louder…]

TF: First, making his way down to the ring and hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, standing six-foot-two and weighing in at two-hundred forty-two pounds… “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott!!!!!

[Frankie Scott is halfway down the runway and looks back at the EPWtron… He points to the crowd… Pyrotechnics explode… Scott emerges from the smoke, slapping hands with the fans… He rolls into the ring and raises both arms in the air for another pop from the crowd… His music fades…]

[Cue in “We Right Here” by DMX… The crowd once again erupts, this time for The Sergeant who breaks through the curtains and wastes no time making his way toward the ring… He is moving with a purpose…]

TF: And his opponent, from Springfield, Missouri. He stands five-foot-ten and weighs two-hundred-and-one pounds. He is… The Sergeant!!!!!

[The crowd pops once again as The Sergeant rolls into the ring…]

DM: The crowd is certainly not sharing your disdain for these two wrestlers, Neely.

MN: Give them time. Remember, this is their first impression of these two. It won’t take long for these two to make a bad one.

DT: It’s amazing to me how determined both of these guys look.

[bell rings…]

DT: The match begins. Collar and elbow tie up. Both men trying to get the advantage. They push away. Once again trying with a collar and elbow tie up. The Sergeant with a single leg take down and he’s on the attack with a headlock.

DM: He’s wrenching tightly. I don’t think I’ve seen anybody try so hard with just a simple headlock.

DT: Scott fighting his was out with elbows. The Sergeant not wanting to let go but finally releasing. Phenomenal with a arm drag straight into a arm bar. Almost instantly he gains the advantage. The Sergeant yelling out and trying to break loose.

DM: Both men working hard to maintain some sort of advantage early on. This match will get more interesting as they try to but the other away.

MN: Two losers working hard for an advantage. Wow.

DT: Frankie Scott seems to have the upper hand. He has Sarge positioned… belly to back suplex, and Sarge goes down hard.

DM: That should be a wake up call for The Sergeant. He should have known that Scott had more in him than he showed in that dark match last month. I’m curious about Frankie’s plan of attack for this match.

DT: Frankie seems to be taking the name of the show as his plan. Aggression. He has been relentless on The Sergeant, dropping three consecutive elbow drops and dropping left and rights as he stands Sarge up. Belly to belly suplex! The crowd gives their approval.

MN: I should have known the fans would cheer. Brain dead zombies. It’s worse than listening to the popular songs on the radio. No matter how many times you hear the song, there is still some 13 year old kid requesting it on one of those shows.

DM: While I’ll agree with you on the radio stations, these fans know what they are looking at when they watch wrestling. These two are competitors.

DT: Scott is up quickly and he has Sarge’s right leg stretched out. Multiple knee drops onto that right leg.

DM: I haven’t really seen Frankie isolate one part of the body. He’s just mixing it up, trying to completely wear out Sarge. Seems like he is expecting a long match, and wants to test Sergeants overall conditioning and endurance. We’ll see how it plays for him. I’d be working one part of the body right now if I were him.

DT: The Sarge is rolling in pain right now. Frankie Scott has definitely brough the “A Game” that he and Sergeant have been talking about all week. The Sergeant is up on his feet with help from “Phenomenal”. What’s this? A CRADLE by Sergeant!

1 – QUICK KICKOUT!

DM: It looks like that leg of Sarge’s wasn’t able to withstand the strain so soon after the abuse it took moments ago.

DT: The Phenomenal one looks very upset. He moves on a slowly recovering Sergeant. Picks him up… BODYSLAM. Textbook job by Frankie Scott.

DM: Notice how Scott reared back and really got full momentum on that slam. Great to see some wrestlers still know how to execute some of the basics.

DT: Frankie’s eyeballing that top turnbuckle.

DM: I don’t like the looks of this. High risk moves yield high, but can cost you dearly.

MN: Maybe this will be over with soon…

DT: Scott climbs to the top. He leaps… flying elbow drop ala Macho Man – NO! He missed!

DM: Sarge was playing dead, there. Doesn’t look like he’s too bad off right now.

DT: The Sergeant has Frankie Scott set up… DDT! The crowd really doesn’t know who to cheer for at this point.

MN: Who cares? The fans are idiots if they cheer either one of these guys.

DT: Scott whipped into the corner. Sarge is building steam. He flies across the ring for a big splash… MISSES. He’s staggering back with the wind knocked out of him. Phenom is already up on the top turnbuckle once again… MISSILE DROPKICK! Oh my! That one caught Sarge directly in the head. I don’t think he’ll be able to recover from that one. The crowds on their feet…

DM: Some of them are looking back at the entrance… it’s Dan Ryan!

DT: We knew that there was some animosity between Frankie and Dan Ryan. Looks like something’s about to happen.

DM: Scott needs to be focusing on his opponent. Sarge is no slouch and Frankie could have this thing won!

MN: I don’t think Dan wants to fight tonight. Looks more like he’s trying to get a better view of the action. This Frankie kid is a moron.

DT: Shades of the dark match these two had. Frankie Scott has taken his attention off of this match and The Sergeant is very slow to move to his feet.

DM: Mr. Ryan is just standing there. Frankie needs to get back to the attack.

MK: You’d be able to tell if Dan was going to do something. He generally doesn’t wait this long. I wish he’d come down to the ring and clear both of these two out of the ring.

DT: Frankie is visibly upset at the lack of emotion from Dan Ryan. WHOA! Out of nowhere The Sergeant runs up behind Scott with a roll up.

1… 2… Thre- NO!

Frankie won’t let Sarge sneak a win in the same way twice in a row.

DM: Scott’s off balance, though. It doesn’t look like Sarge is slowing up any!

DT: Frankie’s reeling with his back turned to Sergeant. The Sarge from behind… could this be his finisher, the Corrective Training? No! He goes straight into a reverse DDT! Sarge with the cover…

1… 2… 3!!!!!

DT: The Sergeant has done it again, this time in front of a nationwide audience. He didn’t opt for his finisher, which is a reverse DDT modified into a submission guillotine.

DM: I think he was just trying to quickly capitalize on Scott’s lack of focus. I don’t know if he would have tapped out at this stage in the match. Even in a submission, he could have regained his composure and got to the ropes.

DT: True. The question now presents itself: what does this do to these two promising wrestler’s futures here in EPW?

[Dan Ryan exits through the curtains, still emotionless…Frankie Scott has recovered and is slapping the mat… He yells out in frustration…]

DT: There is a mixed reaction from the crowd on this one. The Sergeant with his hands held high is almost through the curtains. He’s giving Frankie Scott a very sympathetic look on his face. I think Sarge has got a lot of respect for the man he just went up against. We’ll be back everybody… don’t go away!

[Cue up a comical but ambiguous commercial for male enhancement… You know, the one’s with the guy whistling in the background through the entire commercial…]

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Champ and the Ref – Addressing the Entourage
DT: What a match by Frankie Scott and the Sergeant, gentlemen. These two

are not only two of the hottest up-and-comers EPW has, but they have the

potential to be major players someday.

MN: Yeah yeah, blah blah...singing their praises for a curtain jerker match.

I, for one, am looking forward to this next match with two...dare I say

it...lovely ladies ganging up on that do-gooder Mike Evers.

DM: Now look who's singing whose praises.

MN: I'm not afraid to admit my preference for females, unlike Thomas over

here.

DT: Oh would you cut it out...

[The lights begin to flicker on-and-off throughout the arena. CUE UP: "Eat

the Rich" by Fozzy.]

MN: Hey, this isn't in the script!

[Out comes JA to a nice ovation from the crowd. The Anglo-Luchador is

decked out in his mask [obviously], khaki pants and his new, officially

licensed EPW T-shirt. Beside him is Lollipop, wearing a black

spaghetti-strap dress, black Weezer glasses and black high heels. The two

walk arm-in-arm, Lolli bouncing along beside JA.]

DM: JA's not scheduled until the main event, but I'd be willing to bet that

he's got plenty to say beforehand.

MN: Who cares what that masked twit has to say, look at that dress on

Lollipop. Rrrrrrowr!

[JA and Lollipop wait in the ring as JA's music dies out. The Ryantron

lights up to a brilliant white before fading to black.]

DM: If JA's out here already, I can only guess who's going to be following

him...

MN: Lollipop's twin sister Tootsie Roll?

DT: He never stops, does he?

"Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn't there some way to be both?" fades onto the black

screen, the phrase slowly becoming synonymous not only with Susan Sarandon,

but with the Empire Pro World Heavyweight Champion. CUE-UP: "Money, Power,

Respect"...Lil Kim, DMX, The Lox. The crowd greets Lindsay Troy to a

thunderous ovation as she steps out onto the stage, wearing the EPW title

around her waist, a tight, customized French Connection UK t-shirt that

reads FCUK TROY WINDHAM across the front and FC me julie jeans. The

camera closes in on her face, but she merely smirks before proceeding down

the aisle.]

DM: And here comes the champ, sporting quite the mark on her face courtesy

of a fireball from Troy Windham at Black Dawn.

MN: I may have bought the new Troy Windham T-shirt, but I've still only

partially forgiven him for burning up Troy's beautiful face.

DT: Rumors have circulated this week about the severity of Troy's condition.

I asked Dan Ryan earlier today about this and he assured me that Troy

insisted on continuing to compete. There's not expected to be any long-term

damage, apparently.

[Troy enters the ring and poses on a turnbuckle for the crowd before jumping

down and standing next to JA. She pulls two mics out of her back pocket and

tosses one to him. The crowd buzzes as JA raises the mic up to his mask.]

JA: You know, when I heard that He-Troy was flaming, I didn't expect it to

be literal. I just thought that he and his little boy-Troy September de la

Rossi were a little bit more than intimate. But boy was I wrong.

And thusly, it happens that his little fire trick burnt the face of a

Champion who just went through a war in the ring, and I know, because I

called the friggin' match, and in the process gave me about the

eleventy-billionth concussion of my career.

Yeah, that's really how the CSDub UNIFIED Champion should conduct himself.

But He-Troy, you made a fatal mistake. You pissed off the Queen ***** in the

process.

[JA nods and Troy takes her cue.]

LT: Not like that's very hard to do.

MN: Those two better watch themselves lest Windham and his Entourage decide

to pay them a visit.

DT: Why, so they can pull another sneak attack? They couldn't even be

bothered to show up for their scheduled interview tapings.

DM: The Boss doesn't like it when his talent doesn't show up for their

spots.

[The crowd buzzes as Troy continues.]

LT: There've been a lot of people over the years who have done some pretty

rotten things to me, for a variety of reasons that I like to file under the

bullsh[BLEEP!] category.

LT: People are taken aback by a confident, pretty girl who knows what she

wants in life and isn't going to let anyone get in her way. And you know

what it's all about? Jealousy.

But I've never...ever...had a man injure me because he was

jealous.

Jealous of my success; jealous of me being in high-demand; jealous because

my curvy shadow eclipsed his own.

But you won't ever hear Troy Windham admit that. Oh no no no...the man

who's at the top of the AP Rankings for the Biggest Douchebag wouldn't

ever admit that someone grabs more attention than he does.

And it's a woman no less!

No, Windham's content to stand behind his mouthpiece and muscle and pick his

spot when he's got the greatest advantage...after I took Xandor to the brink

once more and kept my belt in the process.

Well guess what, Troy...tonight, the Entourage may just have to quit for

real. I haven't seen them yet, but it won't take a bloodhound to follow the

trail of oil-based paint, baby oil and cheap Nina Ricci for Men cologne.

They're going to have a hard time showing their face to you or to anyone

else here after JA and I get through with them, and that's if we even leave

any part of their faces intact.

And then, Troy...I'll be having a casting call for one last episode of Six

Feet Under, with you playing the pompous, overbearing asshole who finds out

that imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery, and pays a heavy

consequence for it.

JA: All imitation references aside... [playfully glares at Troy],

fellas, you walked into the wrong playground and pushed around the wrong

kids playing on the swing.

Maybe your dog and fire show would have worked on, say, Adman Benjiturd or

Karl the Fire-Breathing Wrestler, but something tells me you're not here for

either of their straps. But you have to understand something, to come into

our house and try to butt yourself into the World Championship scene without

as much as a half-a-match and the courtesy of a reacharound for Beastie Boy,

cuz I heard he likes that...

[Troy smirked.]

JA: ...to do that requires one of two things. Balls of steel or a brain the

size of a peanut. Because no one, and I mean no one, just waltzes into my

home and takes things that rightfully belong to me and to other guys here

who bust their asses night in and night out. That includes claims to the

Ee-Pee-Dub Championship.

No He-Troy, you have to earn your shot at She-Troy just like everyone else

here. I don't care if you're the UNIFIED Champion or if you make movies for

Lifetime or Pax TV or the Gay Porn Network, or how many Hollywood

celebrities you give rimjobs to.

So in a way, even if you didn't have your goons attack me... I would

probably still have an issue with you coming in here and doing the sh*t

you're doing. And while I want what She-Troy has around her waist... well, I

have her back when it comes to interlopers trying to cheapen what she, and

I, and everyone else here have tried to build.

LT: Bottom line, Troy...you should have stayed in Greensboro and in the West

where the likelihood of our paths crossing would have been slim. Consider

yourself a marked man and know that I haven't been known to miss a shot yet.

[Troy tosses the mic to a crew member as "Money, Power, Respect" plays once

more. JA assists Lollipop out of the ring while Troy vaults herself over

the top rope to the floor. The three make their way backstage while

Aggression takes a commercial break.]

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boogie Pep Talk, Smallz vs. Foxx vs. Starr
[Boogie Smallz is in his dressing room in front of a huge mirror. He’s wearing a black silk shirt and black pants, probably Boogie’s Sunday best. He combs his afro and practices some lines in the mirror.]


BOOGIE: Girl…I will split you in half. You can’t handle this Mandingo.


[Squirts some Phat Farm cologne on his necks and rubs it in. He continues to practice lines in the mirror.]


Yes…yes it is true what they say about brothas. [Smiles.] Girl…you must be Jamaican, cuz you Jamaican me crazy.


[Boogie checks his breath and sprays some Binaca in his mouth.]


Baby…your legs are like peanut butter, smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.


[Nods his head.]


Is your father a farmer? Because you sure do have some nice melons.


I never felt this way about anyone. I have somethin’ to confess. [Pauses] I love every bone in your body…especially mine!


[Nods in approval. He grabs a can of Axe body spray and sprays it all over.]


Hey baby…let me knock tha stuffin’ off that egg McMuffin.


[Boogie shakes his head.]


Nah **** that. Just do what you always do, son. When in doubt…whip it out.


Shiiiit…it ain’t ever failed ya.

[CUT TO: the broadcast booth.]

DT: Dear God in heaven….

MN: Hell yeah. You better hope he doesn’t whip that thing out. Last time that happened three bargirl’s lost an eye. Children cried and everything.

[Cue up: “Black Superman” by Above the Law. The crowd gives a good pop as Boogie Smallz, dressed to a T, as seen in his pre-match segment. Boogie smiles a big ****-eating grin as he makes his way to the ring.]

TF: This match is for one fall…..introducing first….from Brooklyn, New York…weighing one hundred forty two kilos…..BOOOOGGIIIIIEEEEE SMAAAALLLLLZZZZ!!!!!

DT: I’m not sure Boogie realizes he has a match to wrestle.

DM: He’s gonna find out soon enough.

[Cue up: “Angelwitch” by Angelwitch. Foxx comes out to a loud face pop as red and white pyro erupts around her. She walks through the smoke and heads to the ring, sliding in and giving Boogie Smallz a sideways glance, then hops to the top rope and raises a fist to the crowd, who give another roaring pop.]

TF: His opponent….from San Antonio, Texas…..weighing in at one hundred thirty four pounds….FOOOOXXXXXX!!!!!!

[The crowd screams it’s approval.]

[Cue up: “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Karla Starr walks out to heel heat as her music plays, and heads to the ring. She glares at Boogie Smallz and casts a smirk in Foxx’s direction as she prepares in one corner.]

[SFX: Bell rings]

DT: This should be interesting, especially with Boogie Smallz’ uh….misconception.

MN: What’s wrong with a little three way action, Thomas?

DM: Like you’d know anything about that.

MN: What’s that supposed to mean?

DM: The only three way action you get is you, a sock and your right hand.

MN: Hey!

DM: It’s true.

DT: Foxx and Karla Starr circling each other now and Boogie Smallz is just taking this all in. I don’t think he can believe his luck.

DM: He’s just looking on and shaking his head in disbelief right now.

DT: Foxx looking back at Smallz annoyed as he makes a catcall in her direction. Now Starr giving him the eye, too. Starr and Foxx looking at each other and….OH!! DOUBLE DROPKICK TO BOOGIE SMALLZ AND HE GOES FLYING OVER THE ROPES!!!

MN: Look at Boogie!!

[Cut to: Smallz on the outside getting to his feet. He looks surprised at first, then a smile grows over his face and we can make out his words as he says “oh, you two like it rough”.]

DT: Foxx staring down at Boogie and here’s Karla from behind with the roll-up!! ONE, TWO!! NO!!

DM: Foxx better pay attention.

DT: Boogie climbing back up now, but Karla Starr taking advantage of a distracted Foxx and now a boot to the midsection.

DM: Boogie’s still on the apron with a big smile on his face. I still don’t think he’s taking this very seriously.

DT: Starr with an irish whip sends Foxx to the opposite side….Star to her stomach as Foxx leaps over….and SHE JUST DOVES AT SMALLZ AS SHE CAME TO THE ROPES AND HITS A SUNSET FLIP TO THE FLOOR!!!

DM: Boogie Smallz’ head just cracked right on the outside there!! I think he knows he’s in a match now!!

DT: Foxx turns around! Starr with a right hand, but Foxx ducks it and drives her shoulder into Starr’s midsection! Starr stumbles back and Foxx springboards up onto the top rope and leaps off with a bulldog in the center of the ring!! The cover!! ONE!! TWO!! NO!! Just before a three count Karla Starr gets the arm up.

MN: No fair! Boogie’s just looking for a little lovin’!

[Boogie Smallz on the outside looks a bit annoyed, then nods his head. “Hell yeah…”]

DT: Smallz getting up on the apron again but this time he climbs in and comes in behind Foxx and STARTS FEELING AROUND ON HER BACKSIDE!!!

MN: Tap that ass!!!

DM: No you did not….

DT: Foxx turns and shoves Smallz back a few steps! Boogie coming back slowly and smiling…he reaches around and slaps FOXX RIGHT ON HER BACKSIDE!!! FOXX TURNS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICK’S BOOGIE SMALLZ ALMOST OUT OF HIS SHOES!!!

DM: And finally Boogie Smallz is starting to get the picture..

[Shot of Smallz as he frowns and we catch “hey now, that hurt…”]

DT: Foxx staring down at Boogie Smallz on the mat with her finger in his face yelling at him, but Karla Starr is sneaking up behind her….full nelson!! And a full nelson slam on Foxx!! Starr over and stomping away at Foxx!! Boogie is still seated but starting to get to his feet as he watches the exchange!!

DM: Once again Karla Starr takes advantage.

DT: Karla still stompin away and now she turns and look at Boogie…and she’s helping him up. Look at her flirting with Boogie Smallz!!

[Karla runs her hands over Smallz’ chest as he smiles and looks down at her. Suddenly Foxx is to her feet and charges Starr from behind. The force of the blow knocks Boogie Smallz backwards and through the ropes to the outside, but Foxx holds onto Starr’s tights as she tumbles forward, then uses the ropes as a springboard to snap her over with a German Suplex into a pin.]

DT: What a pinning combination!! ONE! TWO!! REVERSAL!! ONE!! TWO!!! NO!!! FOXX REVERSES IT BACK!! ONE!! TWO!! NO!!! STARR AGAIN!! ONE!!! TWO!! SHE’S GOT HER FEET ON THE ROPES!!! THREEE!!!!

MN: NO!!

DM: What a smart move by Karla Starr!!

[Cut first to a shot of Foxx slapping the mat in frustration and yelling at the referee over the feet on the ropes, then to a shot of Boogie Smallz on the outside, realizing he just lost a match.]

TF: The winner of the match……KAAARRRLAAAAA STAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!

DT: Karla Starr has stolen this match!!

[Shot of Boogie walking backward up the ramp. A mic outside the ring catches his comments as he goes….

“trick ass *****es….no one teases Boogie Smallz and gets away with it….”]

DT: Folks, we’ll be right back after this!!

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hiroshi-Melton Muffins
“Run that figure by me again.”

Melton’s jaw smacked the floor as he asked Hiroshi to repeat himself. Kin let himself in Joey’s locker room minutes before, with no food, drink, or other assorted gift to bestow upon his Idol. Hiroshi walked in, shut the door quietly and stood there, eyes closed, holding the world at bay by refusing to admit it’s continued existence.

“You heard it the first time, don’t milk this when I’m already bent over the edge of the bed, ass in air,” Hiroshi scolded, as he sat on a coffee table in front of Melton’s couch. To his right lay the new Teen People Magazine, and it took everything Kin had to not take it in hand and mindlessly flip through it’s pages. Cover article on Lindsay Lohan, the troubled minx. That would keep Hiroshi going for weeks, but no, this was a serious, some might say, grown-up conversation. Teen People had to wait.

“I’ll sleep easier tonight with that image in mind, thanks.”

“Joey, please. I didn’t know who else to turn to.”

“How bout gamblers anonymous, Kin?” Melton strutted behind Hiroshi, reaching for the magazine and tossing it across the room to quiet one obsession while he sat on the couch, Indian-style, to deal with another. “Or, I dunno, the Lord. Almost worked for me last year.”

“Dude, please. You want me on hands and knees, begging here? I need help. You help people, right? The Unifier.”

“Well,” Joey’s chest doubled in size, “I’ve smuggled a handful of North Koreans South, and patched a couple Iranian families up that were religiously divided. And there was…”

“I know, that one time in the winter you gave a kid a coat. I’ve read the webpage bio. Touching. Back to me…I’m as good as dead.”

“You lost that much at the NYNY casino? And STILL went back to the loan office you owned money to?”

“It was a sure thing! I was told that in high confidence. Do you know how many sure things there are in horse racing?”

“Yeah,” Melton answered sarcastically, “I’m sure that line isn’t sold every day.”

“I’m in some serious **** here. I own these people the kind of money they kill for, and” Kin jumps out of his skin as a gaggle of folding chairs fall outside of Melton’s door.

“Hiroshi I’m not paying off any debts. Part of being filthy rich is enjoying telling beggers no. Don’t ruin that for me, seriously, now that Joey Lawerance isn’t getting work it’s all I have.”

“NO! I’m not asking for money, Joseph. That’s the great thing. I just need…” Kin chokes on the sentence, coughing as it flushes in the back of his throat.

“What?”

“I’m embarrassed to even bring it up.”

“I bet.”

“I just need…you to throw the match tonight.”

‘WHAT!”

“These people have promised me the slate is clean if I can beat the great Joey Melton.”

“They’re erasing thousands in debt just to see you beat me?”

“I asked what I could do, and that was sort of the alternative to pigs flying out of their ass.” Kin stood, pacing in Melton’s footsteps from a minute before. “I mean, who honestly thinks Kin Hiroshi, the Frickin’ Muffin Man can outwrestle Joey Melton!”

“Nobody!”

“Exactly!” exclaimed Kin, as he knelt before Melton for good measure. “Just lay down for me tonight, and I’m alive and debt free and you’re still Joey Melton. You, I don’t know, go off and tour on a Cruise, do whatever it is you do, but the up side is you don’t have to buy a kid a coat this year. Lay down and you’re square with Santa! And,” Kin laughs nervously, “Isn’t that every little boy’s dream?”

“You’re sick, dude.”

“Okay. There’s side-action on this. I don’t know the ins and outs, but give me a $100 to lay down on this and we both can make some cash. Maybe head out afterwards and board a flight to England to meet Emma Watson…”

“Hiroshi, geez..” Melton drops his head in his hands. “No, okay. Just no.”

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Adam Benjamin vs. Mike Evers (TV Title)
DT: Well folks, if you look at your official Empire Pro Media Guide for tonight’s card, you will not see our next match.

DM: That’s right, Dave. In a stunning turn of events that we just witnessed, Boogie Smallz has given up his opportunity on becoming the Television Champion and opted to compete in the three-way match we just witnessed.

MN: And now, some rookie that no one wants to see is competing for the newest title here in the company!

DT: What exactly is the problem with that, Neels? This is how the company stays strong, by making new stars.

MN: Do you know anything about this guy Mike Evers? He doesn’t even know how to spell the word “the” correctly.

DT: I think it’s a hip thing, Neels. You wouldn’t understand.

MN: You saying I’m not hip, Thomas? I just caught the latest Rap-A-Diddy-Pop video the other day.

DM: Rap-A-Diddy-Pop, Neels?

MN: Did I stutter, Matthews?

DM: No, but you might have confused the guy’s name. I believe it’s simply P. Diddy.

MN: Are we here to talk about music or wrestling?

[CUE UP: “Pass the Shirley Temple” to a decent face pop. "Da Bomb" Mike Evers comes out of the entrance way to another decent pop. Evers walks his way to the ring with a smile on his face, alongside his manager, Wisconsin Bill.]

DT: Well, if I’m to understand correctly, this is “Da Bomb’s” first primetime appearance here in EPW.

DM: But this kid has a huge upside, Dave. He’s actually got one of the best win-loss records that anyone in this business could ask for.

MN: So much for that this week. Yours Truly is going to show him what an EPW loss feels like right in the middle of that ring.

[CUE UP: “Voodoo” by Godsmack. “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin makes his way out from behind the curtain to massive heel heat. He just gives a cocky grin as he struts down the ramp with his TV title slung over his shoulder.]

DT: Well, you could very easily be correct on that assumption, Neels. Adam Benjamin put on a hell of a showing at Black Dawn, as you can see by that title hanging across his chest.

DM: Adam Benjamin is quickly becoming one of the most decorated men here in EPW. He’s already held the Intercontinental Title, and now he’s the inaugural Television champion as well.

MN: And he’s going to remain the ONLY television champion after tonight.

DM: Don’t doubt Mike Evers, but you’ve also got a strong case for Yours Truly as well. And we’re going to find out now, as they’re both in the ring.

[DING DING DING]

MN: Can I just say what a disadvantage Adam Benjamin is at tonight? I mean, this guy trained all week, for Boogie Smallz, and now he’s stuck facing some newbie gets confused by the term “squared circle”.

DM: Mike Evers trained to fight two women this week. Now he gets the TV champ.

MN: But he’s not supposed to win this match. Not that he still has a chance, but I’m just saying how amazing it’s going to be when Adam Benjamin defeats the odds here.

DT: Well, he’s trying to do that now as he makes his way to the middle of the ring. He raises his hand for Evers to give him a test of strength. And it looks like Evers is going to return the favor.

DM: But Benjamin quickly catches him with a kick to the midsection! That was a cheap move by the TV champ!

MN: But that’s why he’s the champ. He’s smarter than the opponent.

DT: Well, Benjamin has Evers doubled over and now he grabs him in a front face lock, looking for a DDT.

DM: Wait! Evers just reversed it into a Northern Lights Suplex! He’s holding on for the pin…

…one…

…two…

…kickout by Benjamin! But he looks shocked! I don’t think he thought Mike Evers was going to put that much behind anything here!

DT: And look at Evers! He’s just smiling at Benjamin!

MN: This is ridiculous! Did anyone else see Evers pull the tights for that added leverage?

DT: Can’t say that I did, Neels.

MN: Thomas, how are you calling this match if you’re not watching it? You have someone feeding you the info through your headset?

DT: Back to the match, folks. Adam Benjamin is taking a long stare at Mike Evers now. He now steps toward Evers and there’s a collar and elbow tie up! Both men are pressing as hard as they can and they’re not going anywhere! This is a stalemate!

DM: And now they release the hold! Adam Benjamin is furious while Mike Evers looks happy as can be!

MN: Slap that smile off his face, Adam. No one mocks Yours Truly like that!

DT: Well, here they go again with another collar and elbow! Again, they’re going nowhere! But Benjamin drives a knee to Evers midsection! Benjamin backs Evers into the ropes and whips him to the opposite set.

DM: Cross-body block by Evers! Both men bounce right back up!

DT: But there’s a big clothesline by Benjamin! Evers smacked the mat like a Louisville Slugger on a Tim Wakefield knuckleball.

MN: And look who’s smiling now! Yours Truly!

DT: Well, Benjamin is staying on the attack here. He pulls Evers back up to his feet and drives a stiff right hand into Evers’s jaw. He backs him into the corner and now gives him a HARD Irish whip across to the other corner. Evers hits back-first and immediately falls to the mat.

MN: Are you seeing the power of Yours Truly here? He’s showing Mike Evers what it’s really like to compete here in Empire Pro now.

DM: Benjamin is certainly not letting up. He plays to the booing crowd for a moment, but he quickly pulls Evers right back up. He now grabs him in that front face lock again. He lifts him up.

DT: Twirling fisherman’s suplex there! He bridges…

…one…

…two…

…kickout by Evers! And Benjamin is not too pleased about that!

DM: Benjamin makes his way back to his feet here. He pulls Evers up with him. He now grabs Evers and places him on his shoulders!

DT: Reverse Death Valley Driver-NO! Evers slid out of the move and caught Benjamin with a bulldog! Both men are down and it’s a race to see who will get up first!

DM: Evers has hold of the ropes and he’s pulling himself up while Benjamin is slowly pressing himself toward his knees.

DT: And they’re up! Benjamin makes his way to Evers and swings a right hand. Evers ducks!

DM: Inverted Atomic Drop!

MN: That’s illegal ref! He hit the jewels!

DT: Yours Truly is definitely in some pain, and I can’t say that I don’t feel for him just a little bit. Evers gets behind him now.

DM: German suplex! Evers holds in the bridge…

…one…

…two…

…kickout! And Evers can’t believe it! He thought he had Benjamin put away and the TV title in his hands!

DT: But he’s staying on the attack. He pulls Benjamin up one more time. There’s a knee to the midsection. And now a front face lock.

DM: DDT by Evers! Benjamin just rolled up like a scolded dog in the corner! Evers is going for the cover…

…one…

…two…

…three-NO! Yours Truly JUST managed to get his foot on the ropes! And Evers is completely shocked with this one.

MN: And now he’s making a mistake. He’s playing to these idiot fans like some fanboy and he’s taking too much time! Does he not realize he’s in there with the very first EPW Television Champion?

DT: He’s quite in control of this match, Neels. And I don’t think he’s going to waste anymore time.

DM: And that would be a correct assumption, Dave. He’s now signaling for the end of this match and he’s pulling Adam Benjamin up and into the standing headscissors! We could have a new champion here!

DT: No! Benjamin just pulled Evers’s legs right out from under him! He flips over for a pin…

…one…

…two…

…kickout by Evers!

MN: I told you he took too much time!

DM: Both men bounce up. Head and arm suplex by Benjamin! Evers just went flying across the ring!

DT: Evers is wobbly, and he’s made his way back up to a knee.

DM: Shining Wizard! Adam Benjamin just nailed Mike Evers with that Shining Wizard! Benjamin is picking Evers up now!

DT: Yours Truly 2K3! He just nailed him with that sitout piledriver! There’s the cover…

…one…

…two…

…three!!!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner and STILL EPW Television Champion… “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin!

DM: I tell you what, you certainly could not ask for much more out of a match. Benjamin thought this was going to be an easy night for him, but Mike Evers really took him to the limit.

DT: That he did, Dean. And look at this! Mike Evers is slowly pulling himself to his feet inside the ring.

[HUGE crowd pop as Evers wobbles before holding his arm in victory.]

DT: That’s right! Give this kid a round of applause! He had a hell of a match here tonight!

DM: Oh, and look at Adam Benjamin. He is not happy at all that these fans are cheering for Evers. Oh come on!

DT: Benjamin just slapped Evers hand down! Now he’s raising his! Come on! This kid just put on a hell of a performance!

[MASSIVE heat for Benjamin.]

DT: That’s right! This man doesn’t deserve any cheers. He’s an egotistical jackass. Pardon my French.

MN: Yeah, well you better hope your French ass doesn’t look anything like Mike Evers’s, because I don’t think that Adam Benjamin is done with him!

DT: Come on! Give the kid a break! Is a win not enough?

DM: Another Yours Truly 2K3 Powerbomb! Mike Evers isn’t moving!

DT: That’s right! Get outta here you no good son of a-

MN: Thomas! Slow down! Just applaud the man for a nice showing next time. That’s really all he’s asking for.

DT: Well, he wrestled a hell of a match, I’ll give him that. But he didn’t need to put that poor kid into the mat again.

DM: Folks, we’ve got to take a break from the action while my colleagues cool down. Don’t go anywhere!

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IT, Melton vs. Hiroshi
[CUT TO: Backstage.

Paul Freeman is standing at a vending machine in the main backstage hallways of the Toyota Center. He punches a few buttons and a moment later a bag of Doritos drops down. He pulls them out and turns to go down the hallway, then stops dead in his tracks.

At the end of the hall is a man a little over six feet. His face is painted like a clowns, but muddled in some places. A black tear is painted under each eye, along with a frown around his mouth. His outfit is oversized but torn in several places, mottled grayish brown and dingy. His hair is matted on his head.

His head is tilted slightly down and he stares….right at Paul Freeman.

Freeman stops in his tracks.]

Freeman: Dear God, what the hell….

[Freeman turns his head to look down the opposite direction of the hall. Just then Dan Ryan crosses the hall at a crossway.]

Freeman: Hey Dan!

[Ryan stops and looks down toward Paul.]

Freeman: [Pointing his thumb over his shoulder] Who or what exactly is that??

Ryan: [Looking confused] I don’t follow.

Freeman: The guy right….[Freeman turns back toward the area where the clown was, but he’s gone.] …there. Well….he was there a second ago….

[Freeman frowns as Ryan’s eyes narrow a bit.]

Ryan: Are you drunk, Freeman?

Freeman: [Frowning and staring down the hall.] I wish…

[Ryan shakes his head and walks off in the direction he was heading as Freeman stands there staring down the hall.]

Freeman: [whispering] Weird….

DT: Welcome back to the sold-out Toyota Center in Houston, Texas! That was certainly odd.

MN: Yeah, I can’t stand clowns. Creepy.

DM: He looks kinda familiar, but I can’t quite place him.

MN: You know what I don’t understand.

DM: The vagina Mike, not the [censor].

MN: Thanks.

DM: Now, what I don’t understand, and you know, this is just me, why wasn’t’ this show pulled off on Ryan’s ranch? I’ve seen pictures. The place is bigger than the state of Rhode Island.

MN: Excellent question. Aggression followed by a meet and greet barbeque.

DT: Not a bad idea, actually.

DM: No, it’s not.

MN: To answer your question, A] Because Ryan’s an anti-social prick who’s running this promotion on guile and a playbook from the 80’s, or B] he’s afraid someone might dust up his bunker/dungeon. You know, so many missing teenage girls in the Houston area.

DT: Oh geez.

MN: Just saying.

DM: You do realize the man signs your checks, right?

MN: Hey, I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but if he gets busted on the news one day, you heard it hear first.

[MUSIC CUEUP: “Love Is A Battlefield” – Pat Benatar]

[CUTTO: The fans standing in unison as a dozen women dressed as hookers dance out onto the stage platform and form a double line of six.]

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand

No promises, no demands

Love Is A Battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong

Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing

Love Is A Battlefield


[CUTTO: Joey Melton in a new get up! Black ankle-length tights with “Project Failed” written in white lettering with red trim. Joey’s rocking a white dress shirt, the sleeves cut out, and a black tie.]

DT: [V/O] You have to be kidding me.

MN: [V/O] I love the eighties!

[Melton puts his hands on his knees, hunches a bit and sidesteps to and fro to the music. As cartwheels are performed behind him, Joey breaks out a house mic and sings.]

MELTON: You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay

Why do you hurt me so bad?

It would help me to know

Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?

Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why

But I'm trapped by your love, and I'm chained to your side


[Joey and his hookers dance single file down the aisle, Melton slapping hands with fans as he goes.]

MELTON: We are young, heartache to heartache we stand

No promises, no demands

Love Is A Battlefield..

DT: Tell me one of you smoked something and my life is a dream right now?

MN: No. This is more fun. WHAT A SHOWMAN!

DM: Dave, I ate some bad cheese about an hour ago. My bad.

DT: Thank you. Honesty. That’s all I’m looking for.

[Melton struts about in the ring, his precious hookers behind him, still jiving for the fans and camera. Joey slides to a stop in the center of the ring, main camera on him as it should always be.]

MELTON: [to a chorus of stunned laughter] Love is a battlefield indeed. Ladies? Beat it. Papa has work to do.

[The crowd BOOS as the hookers, I mean paid actresses leave the ring, the last handing Melton a clipboard with paper on it.]

MELTON: They said, to lose to Cameron Cruise on PAY-PER-VIEW would be death. They said, Joey Melton was nothing more than a sideshow, a freak who can’t even left Cameron’s dick anymore. To the man’s credit, it takes a truck to accomplish the latter, but let’s be real. Cameron Cruise with one dance down the aisle I’ve erased all memory of you. You’re a noted racist and liberal extremist! Cameron Cruise, ladies and gentlemen voted for the war on Iraq. [BOO] Yes, my sweets, it’s true.

DT: [V/O] I’d like to see some record of that.

MN: [V/O] FAIR IS FAIR!

MELTON: Our messy divorce regrettably was made public, and yes Cruise you won the first round. You shamed and degraded me at BLACK DAWN. [MARK!] But, really, that’s nothing more than I do on a nightly basis, in or out of the ring. See, humiliation, well, it’s like a second skin to me. It means nothing.

DM: [V/O] What do you think the hookers got for this Dave?

DT: [V/O] Don’t.

MN: [V/O] Dean, you don’t make enough.

MELTON: To advance in this business you have to put yourself out there Cruise. You have to take chances, and sometimes, we embarrass ourselves and take a step back, At BLACK DAWN Joey Melton’s sky cracked and rained little tiny Cameron Cruises. But, you haven’t beaten me. I made that match, I made that show…if you think differently I’ve taken a little survey. Before the show Cruise, I asked a one hundred people what year you died.

DT: [V/O] He’s lost his mind.

MN: [V/O] I know! Cruise is probably rolling over in his grave as we speak!

DT: [V/O] The man’s not dead!

MELTON: The answers all varied, really, it’s unimportant, but what counts is, 95% of the people asked BELIEVED YOU WERE DEAD! After the biggest win of your life Cruise, you still matter about as much as a **** before it’s flushed down my toilet. It stinks, and on good days it draws a mild reaction, maybe you talk about it one day to friends, but in the end, when you lay yourself down to go to sleep, it’s forgotten. Cameron, I crapped the night of your life in New York. Savor it. But know, by now you’re dead to these people [BOO]. And you’re dead to me.

DT: [V/O] Amazing his microphone works now.

DM: [V/O] Seriously, how much you think they’re pulling down tonight?

MELTON: Hiroshi come to daddy.

[Joey tosses the mic aside and starts loosening himself up, pulling on the ring ropes, squatting, etc, etc.]

[MUSIC CUEUP: 'Sigillum Diaboli" - H.I.M]

[CUTTO: Kin Hiroshi in jeans and a t-shirt distractedly walking down the aisle. The fans reach over the aisle for him, desperately wanting to perform a cavity search for muffins but Hiroshi is in another world.]

DT: Hiroshi already sweating bullets. Did somebody tell this fool he didn’t have to spend three hours in a Sauna to make weight?

DM: I think he had what I had.

MN: Oh, wonderful. Two of you.

[Hiroshi paces around the ring, nervously looking into the crowd, leering back at any overzealous fan jumping at him. Finally, at Melton and the ref’s insistence Kin jets into the ring.]

[SFX: DING! DING!]

DT: Hiroshi, nice of him to be bothered to dress up…

MN: You know how quickly fabric goes out of fashion let’s credit Muffins for trying to stay ahead of the pack. Tomorrow, this is what ring attire in our profession will look like.

DM: OK.

DT: Kin nods he’s ready and he and Melton lock up! Joey with a side-headlock,back-bent, squeezing Hiroshi’s grill, Kin like Heinz ketchup pack ready to blow, Hiroshi counters, Melton’s left leg bent back, Hiroshi knee drop! Melton holds to the headlock, Kin, KNEE DROP! Melton unsure, Kin BACK BODY DROP! The cover, ONE….NO!

MN: Hiroshi going for the under twenty second pin and million dollar bonus courtesy of our sponsors, Playtex and Big John’s Refrigeration.

DT: Hiroshi slaps the mat, giving the ref a look Mike might pass off to a student driver on Main Street, the world around him moving too slow. Kin meets Joey up, hard right hand by the Hiroshi! Melton’s taken by surprise, Kin with another heavy right.

MN: Check his fist for a roll of quarters!

DM: Or, bone structure for bioengineering enhancement.

DT: Kin with a standing DROPICK square in Joey’s chest! Melton up over the ropes, no! Teetering in perfect balance on the top rope, you could stack plates of Matthews’ best china on Melton’s stomach and it’d be safer than if in a lock box!

DM: Who puts china in a lock box, honestly Dave.

DT: Gravity starts to lower Melton inside the ring, but Hiroshi catches both legs! [MARK!] Kin plays to the fans, a showman turning up the volume!

MN: Or an idiot who doesn’t understand this isn’t AGGRESSION for the Playstation 2. It’s not the showcase showdown Hiroshi, make your own decisions.

DT: And he does! Kin takes takes a step back JERKING Melton’s legs! Joey airborne, a skywalker! DOWN ON THE MAT! His head kicked back like a BCS official. Hiroshi leg drop [OHH!] to the loins!

MN: The loins, kings of the jungle!

DT: Hiroshi with another cover, ONE….TWO….MELTON HAND ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! Kin again looks befuddled. Guys he’s pinning like he was in the 29th minute of an Ironman match. Desperation early from Hiroshi. Joey rolls under the ring to regroup, the fans in Houston getting on him! Hiroshi quickly under the ropes himself and after Melton!

MN: Finally Kin showing urgency in this profession, going after someone with the intensity he chases tail with. Just be ready to cutto commercial if Melton’s cornered and nobody’s within earshot.

DM: Kin likes it when they scream, huh?

DT: Enough you two! Hiroshi hand on the back of Melton’s famously insured hair. Joey spun around like a top, eye-gouge by Hiroshi! Kin biting Melton’s forehead like a depraved animal!

MN: Well, he once lived in his car for six weeks! Essentially he is! You don’t shake those emotional scars. Showering in the bathroom of a Big and Tall store somewhere in Washington.

DT: I would imagine not. Melton pushes Kin away as the fans here in the Toyota Center roar with approval. They’d watch anything in Texas, huh? Joey hands over his bleeding forehead, speed walking from the Muffin Man.

DM: Well, Dave, 9 months out of the year this building hosts weekly rodeos. Little battered calves being shot out of a bunker and lassoed for sport. Sounds horrible but it draws in Houston like the Golden Girls on lifetime. All ages unite.

[CUTTO: As Melton turns to fight Hiroshi he sees Kin stopped cold by a man in the front row. Enormous black man in a 3-piece suit. The suit has a death grip on Hiroshi’s right arm. Kin looks queasy. Pleading his case, he is, but to no avail.]

DT: Melton with a running forearm and Kin’s dropped to the floor. [CUTTO: Melton staring at the guy, who nods and smiles. Joey’s unsure, but carries on with the show.] Joey Irish whips Kin into the ring apron and Hiroshi’s back broke into three pieces, I swear it did, I heard it! Melton now, COME ON, stepping over Kin’s back and down his neck.

MN: That’s a legal move Dave quit your *****ing. Depending on location that’s a hundred dollars and more for an hour.

DT: The ref pouring instructions into Joey’s ear, letting him know it’s time to move the business back in the ring, and the Unifier nods! Joey picks up Kin, and bends his back against the ring apron, KNIFE EDGE CHOPS! [MARK!] Hiroshi clutches his chest! That’ll rip the oxygen right out of those lungs and weaken a man’s legs! KNIFE EDGE CHOP! [MARK!]

DM: Hiroshi running out of steam after starting so quickly, Dave. It looked good for a New York minute, but you have to expect Melton to take control of this match and finish Hiroshi.

DT: VERTICAL SUPLEX by Joey…holding Kin up, letting the blood drain from his entire body to his head, SUPLEX ON THE EDGE OF THE APRON! GEEZ! Hiroshi’s neck cracked against the mat!

MN: Oh he’s a Masochistic little bugger isn’t he…

DT: Joey rolls Kin into the ring, dead weight now. This entire affair turned on a dime seconds ago. Hiroshi looking out of it, possibly for good. ONE….TWO…..FOOT ON THE ROPES! Kin flat lining but finds a pulse!

MN: This is why you need a manager…to keep wandering feet where they shouldn’t be. If Lindsay Troy would stop parading around as a World Champion, championing woman’s rights, and get back where she belongs…Melton’s side…Hiroshi would’ve already been denied his 10th career win.

DT: Now it’s Melton’s turn to look annoyed at the pace of the count. By the back of the collar he’s got Kin up, IRISH WHIP, hip toss! Old-school, but more effectively ripping at Kin’s wound…the lower neck! Hiroshi sits up in immeasurable pain, screaming at the heavens above. Melton with a running start, SNAP MARE!

DM: The former tag champion knows he has Hiroshi hurt. Look at him posing Dave…

[CUTTO: Melton on one knee, acting as if he’s checking a palm pilot for a to-do list.]

DT: Melton shrugging off Houston’s disapproval. He measures Kin like a yardstick, KNEE DROP! If Joey didn’t split Kin’s own forehead, I don’t know what will. Melton casually dragging Kin to the corner by one foot, fans rising to their feet…they know what’s coming.

MN: Christmas come early?

DT: Hard stomp to the groin by Melton, and Kin tucks and grabs. Joey drops out of the ring but not before talking smack to Kin, calling them even I’m sure. Melton reaches under the ring, grabs both legs…FIGURE FOUR AROUND THE IRON POST!

MN: This is the price Kin pays for breaking up the Cameron Cruise Project. All those action figures, autographed posters, and lunchboxes PERSONALLY signed by Melton…bought for Christmas now useless.

DM: Though, on the bright side they’re selling on EBAY like hot cakes from what I understand.

DT: Kin yelling in agonizing pain. He may already have a broken neck, Hiroshi has to give it up here. Joey, leaning back further, pulling on those legs…nobody does it better.

[CUTTO: Joey’s POV, hanging upside down. He eyes the suit again, this time flanked by two other imposing figures, all three ringing their hands, smirking at Kin’s disposition. ]

DT: Hiroshi white as a ghost…Melton being told to break the hold and he does. A beat early as well. Will wonders never cease? Joey back in the ring as Hiroshi limps around, damage done. Melton folds Kin’s left arm over the top rope, KNIFE EDGE CHOP!

[CUTTO: Joey’s POV, absent-mindedly staring into the seats, and the three suits.]

MN: Great lesson for the kids at home to mind your own business, and speak when spoken to. Hiroshi paying the price for playing Dr. Phil.

DT: Joey leads Kin to the center of the ring, folds Kin’s left leg behind him….knee drop, looking to square this as well, Joey bends and lifts Kin up, NO! Hiroshi thrown out…great reversal! Melton charges, KICK TO THE GUT! Joey doubled over like he ate a bad breakfast.

DM: It’s going around, apparently.

DT: Kin…GEEZ! CANADIAN DESTROYER1 Sunset flip into a piledriver! FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! [Huge pop] Hiroshi might do it, the cover…

MN: NO! Lessons have to be learned!

DT: One….two……[the crowd builds like a wave with anticipation] THREE!!!! THREE! Kin Hiroshi’s done it! [Massive pop in the Toyota Center] He’s beaten Joey Melton!

MN: No! Foot on the rope! Shoulder up!

DT: You shut up, it was clean! Canadian Destroyer for a big win!

[CUTTO: Hiroshi rolling out of the ring, still limping but on his legs, overjoyed with the victory as the crowd shows love. Doubled over, he gets a look at the suits, pauses, then smiles and mouths, “Dinner on me.”]

DT: Melton livid in the ring, shoving the ref around. I don’t know what legal claim he has here…

MN: It’s a class claim. People like Kin Hiroshi don’t deserve a win over Joey Melton!

DM: Tis the season Mike, Tis the season.

[CUTTO: Kin walking up the aisle on his balky knee, clapping hands with the fans. He stops as a camera pans in and holds out a $100 bill.]

DT: Fans we gotta take a break, but we’ll come back with more, oh! Melton just tossed the ref over the ropes. Come on!

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Priest & Eisenkreuz vs. Blitz (EPW Tag Team Titles)
DT: Well as fun as it is to watch Joey Melton melt down, it’s time for the Tag Team titles to be decided. Our next match has three out of four of the participants standing taller than 6’10” and weighing over 315 pounds! It’s the EPW Tag Champs Blitz taking on Priest and his bodyguard Eisenkreuz for the tag belts.

Mike Neely: This is the match I’ve been waiting to see. I’m a big fan of Priest, although I can’t figure out why he hired the worst offensive line in the NFL to protect him from a backstage attack.

Dean Matthews: I still don’t think this was a bad move on Priest’s part. These guys are big, and extra bodies make it harder for Priest and Eisenkreuz to be targeted.

DM: Let’s take it down to the ring for the introductions…

[“I Am the Bullgod” by Kid Rock blares over the arena sound system… Priest strolls down the walkway with Eisenkreuz beside him… Three members of the Houston Texan offensive line are walking five paces behind the team as they walk confidently to the ring… Priest is talking to the crowd and the crowd isn’t very happy about it…There are some cheers due to the presence of the towns football players…]

Ring Announcer: This next match is scheduled for one fall for the EPW Tag Team Titles. First, the challengers. At a combined weight of 573 pounds, and accompanied by part of the offensive line from YOUR Houston Texans, they are Priest and Eisenkreuz!!!!!

[Priest and Eisenkreuz are climbing into the ring… Priest climbs through the second rope while Eisenkreuz steps over the top…Both pose for the disdain of the crowd…]

[“Links 2-3-4” by Rammstein blares over the arena sound system… Max and Jecht are led to the ring by Leonard Johnson… Louder boos are heard for Blitz than were heard for Priest and Eisenkreuz… Both men point at the ring and shake their heads…]

Ring Announcer: And now, introducing the champions… they are accompanied to the ring by their manager, Leonard Johnson. At a total combined weight of 662 pounds, they are Max and Jecht… BLITZ!

[All three men have made their way into the ring and are looking to gear up for the match…]

DT: There’s the bell. Priest has stepped through the ropes and OH MY! Max and Jecht have attacked Eisenkreuz at full steam. Jecht is going to town on Eisenkreuz as Max goes for Priest who is on the apron. Max has Priest by the head and drops him throat first onto the top rope.

DM: Priest is on the outside. This doesn’t bode well for Eisenkreuz.

MN: Give the man credit. He’s holding his own.

DT: Priest is still on the outside holding his throat. Leonard Johnson around the corner of the ring looking real shady. On the inside Eisenkreuz is fighting Blitz off. Look at this, he has Jecht in a bear hug and is using him as a shield from Max. Max pushes both men into the corner. Jecht is using his anger to loosen up that grip.

MN: Eisenkreuz is a former World’s Strongest Man competition winner.

DM: But he’s loosening up.

DT: Blitz have broken the hold and they are wailing on him in the corner. Priest sliding into the ring and he’s back in action. He’s on Max’s back trying for a sleeper hold. Jecht jumps in and Eisenkreuz is chasing him. All for men brawling as the ref calls for the bell.

DM: This one is a no contest.

MN: It’s too bad because I thought this one would be match of the night. Not like the fans would have been able to tell the difference.

DT: This brawl has made its way to the outside of the ring and down the walkway. Leonard Johnson barking orders as we near the curtain. Looks like the Houston Texans that were at ringside are signaling for something. Three more Texans from the back!

[The three Texans at ringside and the three from the back converge and now there are 11 men brawling right at the curtain…]

DT: This one has got crazy, and fast.

DM: These numbers aren’t looking good for the tag champs.

MN: This’ll teach Leonard Johnson and his team to be so underhanded when they don’t have the numbers.

DT: Blitz and Leonard are just about finished, with eight men pounding on them. Wait! Priest has yelled something at the Texans and they all back off. Leonard Johnson is still moving his team down the ramp and away from the fight. Priest and Eisenkreuz smiling as Blitz makes an exit. The crowd s electric right now!

DM: This might have saved Priest and Eisenkreuz a beating at the hands of the champs, but they are without tag gold.

MN: Not for long. I know there will be a rematch. We deserve to see one! Priest needs gold!

DT: That looks to be it for this match. Priest, Eisenkreuz, and the Texans posing right now at the ramp and the crowd is actually cheering!

MN: What do you mean… actually? What are you trying to say?

DT: I’m sorry fans! We’ve got to go to a commercial break! Stay tuned for more action here at EPW Aggression 21!

[Live feed cuts to commercial for a lawyer trying to help you win your lawsuit against your insurance company… Isn’t he such a nice and honest guy?]


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The Dragon Speaks,Cameron Cruise vs. Karl Brown (EPW IC Title)
[CUTTO: The locker-room of the Intercontinental Champion. He’s sitting dressed to wrestle, with the title belt neatly sitting beside him]


Karl: It’s strange, isn’t it, Cameron? You claim that I didn’t earn this title, that it shouldn’t be mine because I didn’t defeat you in the ring. Tell me, between January when I defeated Adam Benjamin to become the number one contender, and your title victory over Sebastian Dodd…


When did you beat me to become the number one contender?


I don’t remember you doing that.


Then, who did you beat to become number one contender?


Obviously, you beat everyone else to the phone when Dan Ryan e-mailed everyone looking for someone to face Dodd because he’d promised the world an intercontinental title defence. But who did you beat in the ring to earn that opportunity?


If anything, Cruise, you were even more of a paper champion than you claim I am. You may have beaten the champion, but let’s be honest here – who was the number one contender to the Intercontinental Championship? Who was ready to face anyone at any time for that title, as soon as Dan Ryan asked me to?


And who could operate a phone correctly?


[Karl laughs quietly to himself before continuing]


Karl: And then you talk about other commitments being the reason you fell so silent. You talk about losing five gallons of blood in one match last year. You talk about your exploits in other promotions as if they give you some right to not do your job here in Empire Pro.


Firstly, if you’d lost five gallons of blood, you’d be dead – any school child with a basic knowledge of the human body knows there’s only eight pints of blood circulating.


Secondly, if you want to talk about other commitments and other feds – why were you suspended in NEW? For not promoting a number one contenders match for their TV title, wasn’t it? And who was it screwed you then, when you won the match via disqualification?


I thought so. Cameron, you talk a big game, but that’s all it is. Empty words. You’re trying to make excuses for yourself, saying that you had to make a lot of noise to get your opportunity to fight again for the title which, if we believe you, I helped Joey Melton take from you. It galls you that someone could stand up, wrestle night after night, and earn the opportunity to wrestle for this title, without having to ***** and moan and complain about how a decision that was made in the best interests of this company after you showed such poor judgement getting into a car you didn’t recognise. How is it, if people have to make a noise, that I’ve climbed so high, Cameron? If we were to believe you it wouldn’t be because of the skill and determination I show in the ring. It can’t be that I took whatever Dan Ryan decided to throw at me, and come out on top. It wouldn’t be the fact that I train myself day after day, doing independent bookings when they come my way, and keep myself in ring-shape, and keep my techniques sharp enough and crisp enough to take out any opponent in a heartbeat.


Your words are cute, Cameron. But you, you’re all words when it comes to titles.


I’m not Joey Melton. I’m not Sebastian Dodd. I’m the Intercontinental Champion. I’m the man who’s taken the best that anyone has to offer, and come back. I’m the man who’s made a name for himself not through his words but through his actions. I’m the man who won the right to challenge for this title.


I’m also the man who won’t be beaten by someone as pathetic as you.


That’s the reality you just can’t face. When the bell rings at the end of the match, it’ll be my hand raised in victory, and you who can carry on pretending you’re someone.


[Brown picks up his title belt, before standing and walking straight past the camera. Panning round, we catch a glimpse of him taking his jacket from the back of the door before it closes on us]

DT: Well I must say, Karl Brown is ready to go….but if I may, Dean…What do you think of this current Intercontinental Title situation?

DM: It has been a bit of a back and forth, follow it closely struggle, but The Dragon seems to have a firm grasp on it now after his strong showing at Black Dawn.

DT: But now the former champion is allowed to compete for the title he was stripped of. This could be more than interesting to say the least.

DM: Indeed it is. Cameron Cruise had that belt for a reason. It will be more than intriguing to see these two go at it and try to determine who really deserves the title.

[CUE UP: “Headstrong” by Trapt”. Cameron Cruise enters to a decent pop.]

MN: Guys, could you possibly tell me when this match is over? I’m going to take a nap while I know the camera isn’t focused on me.

DM: And miss an amazing match like the one this promises to be?

MN: Amazing? Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me that these fans are actually going to get out of their seats to watch these two bores.

DM: These are two of the most technically sound veterans in the EPW, Neels.

MN: Look Matthews. If you don’t want me to take a nap, then just say so. Don’t fill my brain with your loads of crap just to keep me awake.

[CUE UP: “Rainmaker” by Iron Maiden. Karl Brown makes his way down the ramp with his title wrapped around his waist.]

DT: Well, some wouldn’t agree with the way that Karl Brown attained the I-C title because he didn’t really defeat the former champ to take it. Now, he gets the chance to say that he did just that in his very first title defense!

DM: And I believe that he’s going to give us one hell of a show with this one. Cruise versus Brown is probably one that should’ve happened while Cruise still had the title anyway.

DT: Well, they’re in the ring and ready to go. The ref shows the belt and hands it to the timekeeper. We’re ready to go!

[DING DING DING]

DT: And the two men simply give a stare of respect to each other as they progress to the middle of the ring. There’s a collar and elbow to get things underway. Brown quickly gets Cruise in a rear waistlock. And Cruise quickly reverses with a waistlock of his own.

DM: German Suplex by Cruise!

DT: No! Brown landed on his feet! Cruise turns around, and he can’t believe it! They’re going to do it again! Here’s another collar and elbow.

DM: And Brown quickly gets Cruise in a side headlock. Cruise quickly presses him off and into the ropes. Brown rebounds…

DT: Shoulder block by Brown!

DM: But Cruise hoists himself right back up!

DT: And they’re going to do it AGAIN! Collar and elbow!

DM: Cruise gains the advantage here. He’s got almost fifty pounds on Brown. He backs him into the corner, and the ref is calling for the break.

DT: But there’s a hard knife-edge chop by Cruise! Brown clings at his chest in pain. Cruise squares him up again. Another knife-edge chop! Brown stumbles out of the corner and to the middle of the ropes. Cruise grabs him by the arm and whips him to the opposite ropes.

DM: Dropkick by Cruise! And he quickly follows it up by leaping on Brown with a headlock! He’s trying to cut off Brown’s air supply and wear him down!

MN: He’s already doing that with me, and I’m not even in the ring.

DT: Well, Brown is struggling, but he’s still holding that arm up to show that he’s fine, but I’m not sure how long that will last.

MN: Don’t look for these fans to keep the oxygen pumping to his brain. They’re as bored with this as I am.

DM: And now Brown’s arm is starting to slump! Cruise has that hold clamped on tight!

DT: Look out! The arm shoots back up! Brown is trying to wiggle his way out of this. He’s to a knee. There’s an elbow to the midsection! And another by Karl Brown! Cruise’s hold is weakening.

DM: And that final elbow by Brown forces Cruise to release the hold! Brown now bounces off the ropes. There’s a knee by Cruise.

DT: No! Brown jumped over the knee and wrapped Cruise up!

One…

…two…

…kickout by Cruise!

DM: Just another great example of why this match is so interesting, Neels! These guys are pulling out all the technical expertise!

MN: What? Am I drooling?

DM: Neels!

DT: Both men back up to a vertical base now. Cruise swings a right at Brown.

DM: But Brown ducks it! Russian Leg Sweep by Brown!

DT: Look out! He’s pulling him back up in that Russian Leg Sweep, ala Bret Hart!

DM: But now he’s swinging right around him and into another waistlock!


DT: German Suplex by Karl Brown! Cameron Cruise just folded like an accordion!

DM: Karl Brown is feeling it right here!

MN: I’m not sure what IT is, but if it’s nauseous and ready for bed, count me in the same boat as Mr. Brown.

DT: Brown makes his way over to the fallen Cruise.

DM: Inside cradle by Cruise! He’s got The Dragon by surprise…

…one…

…two…

…three-NO! The I-C champ almost made it one and done right there.

DT: I thought Cruise was out of it after that German suplex!

DM: I think Karl Brown did too. He didn’t even look defensive on his way over there.

DT: Well, both men are up now. Brown drives a hard knife-edge chop into Cruise there as he backs him into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip.

DM: Reversed by Cruise! Brown hits the opposite ropes. Flying cross body block!

DT: But Cruise ducked out of the way! Karl Brown came up with nothing but air right there!

DM: Oh, Brown’s hurt here, guys. He might have landed on a rib wrong or something. He’s curled up.

DT: But Cruise is doing what any smart competitor would do, and that’s stay on top of his man. He’s got Brown by the leg. And he drives an elbow right to that inner thigh, torquing on that knee of Brown’s! Brown is screaming in pain as Cruise makes his way back to his feet.

DM: And there’s another elbow by Cameron Cruise! Quick shift of strategy here by Cruise. He might be trying to loosen up that knee for the Cruise Control.

DT: Well, he’s back to his feet one more time, and now he’s wrapping that already worked leg around his own in a standing figure four! Brown’s knee is going to snap!

DM: And Cruise drops to his knees while he’s still got Brown in that figure four! 250 pounds of pressure are driven right on that knee there!

DT: And now Cruise is back up. He’s looking down at Brown on the ground. He grabs him by the legs.

DM: Sharpshooter! Cruise has just locked Karl Brown in a sharpshooter!

DT: Where is this coming from? I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen Cameron Cruise utilize the sharpshooter!

DM: Me neither, but he has it locked in! And looking at Karl Brown’s face, I’d say it’s effective!

DT: Brown is screaming in pain, but it doesn’t really look like he’s going to be doing that much longer. I think his tank is just about empty here!

MN: Mine’s been empty this whole match and I’m still going.

DM: Well, it doesn’t look like Karl Brown is going to be able to make it as long as you did, Neels. He’s got his hand up, looking for the ropes, but they’re nowhere to be found.

DT: And slowly, that hand has been dropping. He’s either got to pass out or tap out here. Cameron Cruise has him almost directly in the middle of the ring.

DM: And here comes the hand down!

DT: But he’s not tapping! He’s got both palms to the mat.

DM: Are you kidding me?

DT: Karl Brown has just rolled over Cameron Cruise! Brown has all of his weight on Cruise, who’s pinned against the mat.

DM: Sharpshooter! Karl Brown has reversed the sharpshooter here! Cruise is in pain as he violently reaches for the ropes, but they’re close enough for him to reach!

DT: Wow! What a difference a few inches make, huh? Karl Brown was nowhere near those ropes a second ago, but with the roll out and the extra few inches of reach that Cruise has over Brown, he was just able to grab hold of those ropes to get free.

DM: And the damage was also done by Cruise’s sharpshooter as Brown is now limping back to his feet.

DT: That gives Cruise plenty of time to get up and now nail Brown with a knife-edge chop. Cruise quickly runs over to the ropes.

DM: Springboard cross-body by Cruise! He quickly rolls out of it and waits for Brown to make his way back up to his feet.

DT: Brown is back up! Cruise grabs him. He’s pulling him to his shoulder…

DM: Shipwreck-No! Brown slipped out! There’s a kick to the back by The Dragon!

DT: Dragon’s Bite! Karl Brown just nailed Cruise with the Dragon’s Bite! Brown is stumbling! He falls toward Cruise and makes the cover…

…one…

…two…

…three!!!

DM: Are you kidding me? I thought that Brown was out of it after that barrage to the knee by Cruise, but he somehow pulled it out! Karl Brown has retained his Intercontinental Title here in his first defense!

DT: But he managed to pull it out, what a great match-up between these two!

DM: This is certainly a rematch that I wouldn’t mind seeing again!

DT: You got that right, Dean. Folks, we need another break from all this action, don’t go anywhere!

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Irishred makes his mark, The Highland Park Social Club
DT: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. So…Karl Brown retains the Intercontinental Title and….hold on….what’s this?

DM: Looks like company…

[Irishred jumps the railing between the and slides under the bottom rope. He demands a microphone.]

DT: I guess we’re gonna hear from the newcomer Irish Red…..


IR: So the big question is….. why are you here Shane? Why is Irishred in Empire Pro?


Well the answer is quite easy. The answer is in one simple name. Dan Ryan.


I had to come to EPW because Dan Ryan is here. Who wouldn't want to be affiliated with something the great Dan Ryan gives his stamp of approval to each and every week? Who wouldn't want to get a rub from the Ego Buster? What wrestler in their right man would pass up the opportunity to just be part of the magic that Dan Ryan creates each and every moment...

[The crowd pops and cheers wildly.]


Ok...none of those are the real reason I am here. Well one is. The first one. I'm here because of Dan Ryan.


I hate that son of a *****.

[Loud boos.]

I hate him more then I have ever hated anyone. I hate everything about him. I want to destroy him. I want to watch him die...slowly. I want to see him buried so I can piss on his grave. I hate that pompous, self serving, hypocritical, egotistical bastard so much that I have come to his very own federation to do what I can to destroy the legend from within.


[More boos.]

I knew nothing of Dan Ryan. Really. I had never heard the name before he showed up in my home company, MBE, and participated in the special MBE Cup Tournament. That Cup was mine to win. I went through five former World Champions to get to the finals of that tourney. I laid out Cross, Housefly, Paco, Hida and Spoiler to make it to the finals. Who do I meet there? That piece of **** Dan Ryan. He had no history with MBE and he had no right to be there. He INVADED my company. There in what should have been my crowning moment, I lost to the son of a *****. Did he beat me clean? Oh hell no. I had him pinned to tie up our Iron Man match and the third competitor; a ****ing wild card entry; pulls me off of him. Luck saved Dan Ryan.


In UCW I busted my ass to make it to the premier championship match. Who do I run into? Dan ****ing Ryan. First he does a countout of myself and The First and just tries to declare himself the champion. What a coward. What a complete bush league way of doing things. Of course now that I have watched the tapes of old EPW shows; I'm not surprised. This is a man who employs midgets to humiliate his employees to stroke his own ego in some sort of mental masturbation. Then in the finals for the belt the son of a ***** did nothing but get in my way. He caused me to lose to some freaking Goth kid from the streets.


I got a little revenge this last week in UCW though didn't I Danny boy? How many lights are on the ceiling in the arena in Greensboro? I figured you would have counted them as you laid on your back and I pinned you in the center of the ring. That's right folks. I pinned your fearless leader.


[Loud boos from the crowd.]

So here I am in the enemy’s camp. Here I am ready to topple the reign of Dan Ryan. Here I am to bust his Ego. Here I am willing to do anything to humiliate Dan Ryan.


Try those silly little head games with me like you did with Beast, Dan. All you'll get for your trouble is another ass beating like I gave you in Greensboro.

[BOOO!]


You may be the boss here but you'll find out real soon I'm constantly a disgruntled employee.


Your abuse of power is coming to an end Dan….. courtesy of Irishred.


[Irishred drop the mic and climbs the corner post taking in the mixed reaction of the crowd, boos from the EPW fans and cheers from the Irishred fans in attendance. Red starts to climb out of the ring when….

“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the speakers. The arena erupts as Dan Ryan himself steps out onto the stage with a microphone in hand. Red stops and steps backward back into the middle of the ring and stands, staring a hole in the owner.]

Ryan: Let me get this straight….You think you’re gonna walk into MY company….in front of MY crowd….

[Loud pop.]

Ryan: …IN MY HOMETOWN…..

[Super uber mega pop.]

Ryan: …and run your mouth about me??

[Red looks on, unimpressed.]

Ryan: Damn, kid…you just don’t have an ounce of sense in that head of yours, do ya? What in the hell makes you think you hold any of the cards around here, Red? Huh? Look around you. You’re gonna topple this company from within? You’re gonna undermine me HERE?? I DON’T ****ING THINK SO!!

[Super pop. Red continues to stare, frowning and disgusted.]

Ryan: You know what, man? You’ve got a contract, and that means you’ll wrestle who I want you to, when I want you to, and where I want you to. And let me tell you something else. You may be hot **** in MBE…..where I was INVITED to beat your ass…and you may mean something in A1E…..but here….hell man, this might as well be my ****ing front yard!

[One more poparoo.]

Ryan: Get used to something, Red. You’re mine now, whether you like it or not. And believe me…I’m gonna have some fun with this….

[Ryan tosses the mic to the side, off the stage and backs up slowly as the music plays again. Red stares him down until he disappears through the curtain, then looks, disgusted into the crowd and climbs out of the ring, making his way up the ramp.]

DT: Boy, you could cut the tension in here with a knife just now, guys.

DM: Sure enough. There’s some serious hatred between those two. This place is getting interesting.

[Suddenly the Titan Tron flickers to life. “Ride of the Valkyries” by Richard Wagner starts up and footage of a man delivering an Olympic Slam style maneuver. “FARNSWIRTH” flashes across the screen. The shot switches to a shot of a smaller man, wearing white trunks with a smiley face on the back driving an opponent into the mat with a tilt-a-whirl sitdown face bomb. “CHIP FRIENDLY” flashes across the screen. The show switches to a shot of another man, reminiscent of the clown seen by Paul Freeman in the hallways earlier in the night, hitting his opponent with a sitout butterfly powerbomb. “SLAMBO” flashes across the screen. The music continues as we get a close up shot of Richard Farnswirth, looking down his nose and smirking into the camera. “HIGHLAND” flashes. We see a close up of Chip Friendly, winking into the camera. “PARK” flashes. We see a close up of Slambo the Clown, looking forward with an empty _expression. “SOCIAL CLUB” flashes. The song continues as we see a shot of all three, Farnswirth and Chip in the back, with Slambo on his knees in front, then a rapid drum beat with “HIGHLAND PARK SOCIAL CLUB” flashing in reverse contrast.

And silence.]

DT: Well that was…unique.

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steven Shane vs. Beast
MN: Is this really happening? The freaking Highland Park Social Club??

DM: Looks like it.

MN: My day is made.

[Cue up "Damn." Enter Steven Shane.]

TF: This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Hollywood,

California... SENSATIONALLLLLL STEVENNNNN.... SHAAAAAAAAAANE!

DT: Well, this match should be interesting, after the war of words we heard all

this week between the two.

MN: War of words? All I heard were two blowhards going at it. Seriously, Big

Loafy puts me to sleep.

DM: Does that mean you'll be sleeping during the match? Thank GOD I can shill in

peace.

MN: No, just him talking puts me to sleep. You're outta luck.

DM: Damn you.

[Shane enters the ring. Cue up "Figured You Out." Enter Beast to a NUCLEAR pop.]

TF: And his opponent, from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada... BEEEAAAAASSSSSST!

DM: Y'know guys, it's a miracle Beast is even able to walk after that vicious

brawl with Dan Ryan at Black Dawn. I'm impizzilypressed.

MN: Bah, he should be arrested for assault of our fair owner.

DM: Hey, Ryan-o wanted it too. He wanted to see Beast regain some of his fire,

and I think he has.

[Beast enters the ring. Referee Brian Weatherby calls for the bell.

DING DING DING]

DT: And we're underway! Beast and Shane grapple with each other and Beast

THROWING Shane across the ring! What force! Shane lands in the turnbuckle, and

is holding his back.

MN: Hey, check Loafy for steroids! No way he'd be able to do that without 'em.

DT: Shane walking almost lackdaisically, Beast sees that and charges in with a

clothesline... NO! Shane ducked! He's got the hand off his back and quickly goes

over to Beast before he can turn around, roll up pin...

..o... NO! Beast doesn't even wait for the one count to drop before he kicks

out!

DM: I think we just got a taste of what this match is going to be like with that

opening sequence. Beast's strength vs. Shane's quickness.

MN: Or maybe Loafy's body odor against Shane's hair grease.

DM: How about some duct tape for Neels' mouth?

DT: Guys, behave. Beast is up and he's charging in towards Shane, but the

Sensational One counters with a drop toehold, floating seamlessly into a side

headlock.

DM: Good strategy by Shane. If he wants to win this match, he'd better

outwrestle Beast and hope to his Christian God that Beast doesn't counter him.

Beast is not only a power guy, but he can grapple too.

MN: I'm sick and tired of hearing how good Loafy is.

DM: Too bad.

DT: Shane's got the hold locked in, but Beast is stirring, getting to his knees.

Shane can't keep the grip of the hold, Beast to his feet, forcing Shane to his

feet too. Beast shoves Shane onto the ropes, Shane rebounds, Beast with the big

lariat, but Shane ducks. Rebound again and Shane with the flying lariat! Shane

right back to his feet just to get the height to drop the elbow across Beast's

chest!

DM: Shane is running circles around Beast right now.

DT: Shane quickly back up and another elbow across Beast's chest, and up and yet

another one! Three big elbows, and now a cover...

...one...

...two...

...but Beast kicks out.

MN: I mean, I hate the guy, but I even know that you can't beat Loafy with an

elbow drop, even if you're The Rock.

DM: Hey, stranger things have happened, but pinfall attempts are more than just

trying to win matches.

DT: Shane dragging Beast to his feet, whips him off the ropes. Beast on the

rebound and Steven Shane with the beautiful tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Another

cover...

...one...

...two...

...but Beast kicks out again!

MN: He kicks out and his breath is kickin'.

DM: That's not his breath you smell. I think Dave just farted.

DT: DEAN!

DM: Hey, I speak the truth.

DT: Well, umm, uh, oh look! Shane's got Beast up to his feet again. Rear

waistlock, Shane going for the German suplex, but Beast with an elbow to the

head! Shane's head rocks back, Beast with another elbow! Shane breaks the

waistlock and stumbles back, Beast turns around and hits him with the HYOOOGE

lariat!

DM: LARIATO~!

DT: Shane hits the canvas like a ton of bricks! Beast with the quick cover...

...one...

...two...

...kickout! Beast grabbing Shane up to his feet by the hair.

DM: Well, blink your eyes and Beast is in control. It's a mad, MAAAAAD world we

live in.

MN: And I'm about to get sick. Damn Dean, can't you shill some deodorant to

Loafy?

DM: ...

DT: Guys, back to the action. Beast with Shane to his feet, martial arts thrust

to the throat, now a Mongolian chop to the base of Shane's neck. Shane to the

canvas, Beast with a double stomp to the solar plexus. Beast with the cover...

...one...

...two...

...but Shane kicks out again! Beast is up again, this time, he flips Shane over

onto his belly.

DM: I think he's gonna try to lock in the Judas Cradle!

MN: The Judas what now?

DM: The Judas Cradle! It's a move we haven't seen much of in Empire, but given

their past in A1E and how much it was brought up, maybe Beast is trying to bring

an A1E flair to the match.

MN: Oh great, just what we need, more reason for people to compare us to

them.

DM: Hey, let 'em compare. It doesn't bother me.

DT: Nope, me neither. Beast grabs one leg up and... wait a second! Beast is now

doubled over in pain and Shane is stirring on the ground.

MN: Yes! I think Shane just nailed Loafy in the groin with his free leg!

DT: Well that's not very legal. I don't know why Weatherby's allowing it.

DM: Maybe because he didn't see it.

DT: Anyway, Shane is up and he runs behind Beast to roll him up...

...one...

...two...

...Beast kicks out.

DM: Sensational Steven Shane proving that he's got more than one dirty trick

left in his book.

DT: And it's gotten him back in control of the match or so it seems. Beast is

up, still holding his groin, but Shane catches him with a big DDT that sends him

down to the mat! Shane leaps over to the corner, climing the turnbuckles.

DM: Shane believes he can flyyyyy...

MN: I don't know, I think he's more trapped in the closet.

DM: ...

DT: ...

MN: What?

DT: ignoring what Neels said Shane to the top rope and comes down with a

Bret Hart-type elbow to Beast's head! Beast is in a bad way here, Shane

covers...

...one...

...two...

...but Beast kicks out! Shane is slamming the mat and saying something to

Weatherby there.

DM: That won't do him any good.

DT: Shane's up and he's grabbing Beast up to his feet. Irish whip off the ropes,

Shane with the clothesline, but Beast ducks. Shane turns around... GORE! GORE!

GORE! Beast just hit Shane with that Gore out of nowhere! Shane is holding his

midsection and now Beast just RAAAHRED for the crowd! This Houston crowd is

electric!

MN: Either that, or they hate Loafy's garlic breath!

DT: Beast has SHane up, and he's going for a suplex.

DM: We might see the Apocalypse here...

DT: NO! Shane slips behind him! He's got Beast in an inverted facelock!

DM: California Dream...

DT: He's... NO! Beast just elbowed him in the gut blindly! He hit the mark and

now Shane's doubled over! BEast is up and grabs Shane... double underhook...

MN: No, no, NO!

DM: ABSOLUTION~!

DT: He just spiked Shane on the canvas and now with the pin...

...one...

...two...

...THREE!

[DING DING DING!]

TF: Here is your winner... BEAST!

[Cue up "Figured You Out" to a mammoth pop.]

DT: And Beast has defeated Steven Shane here.

DM: Yeah, another good impression for the biz-oss here, breaking out a high

impact Gore and that funky lil' Tiguhhh Drivuhh Number 91...

DT: Wait a second, someone's coming through the crowd!

DM: Crazed fan?

MN: Psycho professional wrestler killer, come to fulfill my fantasy of a dead

Loafy?

DT: No, it's... it's KEN CLOVERLEAF with a chair!

DM: What's he doing out here?

MN: HOpefully he's come to put both these idiots out of their misery!

DT: Beast doesn't see him though, Cloverleaf's got a clear shot...

[CRACK!]

DT: Sweet mother of Surge, Cloverleaf just cracked Beast with that chair! Beast

is down on the canvas.

DM: And now Shane is getting up...

MN: Good! Give to Shane too!

DT: Shane sees what's going on, and now he's heading over to Cloverleaf, yelling

something. Cloverleaf shrugs him off, he's bringing the chair up for another

shot. Shane grabs the chair though!

MN: No! You should have hit Shane when you had the chance!

DT: Shane wrests the chair from Cloverleaf and is yelling at him. He's pulling

the chair... wait a second! NO! NO!

[CRACK! Shane waffles Beast with the chair, sending the former EPW Champion back

to the canvas.]

DT: TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!

MN: YES! YES! OH YES! Steven Shane has seen the light!

DT: Just, stomach turning.

DM: Between Troy Windham's acts at Black Dawn and this, we've had alot of sick

crap going down in Empire.

DT: I know Dean. Now Cloverleaf and Shane stomping away at a prone Beast. This

has to stop.

MN: Hey, your big shot hero was able to survive Dan Ryan's assault. Why can't he

overcome this... oh yeah, because he's OVERRATED!

DM: Hey, you try fighting back against two guys. It ain't happening if you're

already down on the ground and assaulted from behind!

DT: And now Cloverleaf is raising Shane's hand. Oh this is despicable. I...

let's go to commercial.

[Cut to a commercial for Falafel Sultan's new Enormous Shwararma Pita... Meat,

on top of meat, on top of meat with a nice tahini sauce.]

BACK TO THE TOP


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Entourage vs. JA & Lindsay Troy
DT: Folks, this next match is one that was destined to happen.

DM: Well, after what happened at Black Dawn, you knew that the World Champion wasn’t going to stand for something like that. Plus, I’ve never really seen the Anglo Luchador, or anybody for that matter, take kindly to a chair to the face.

MN: I’ve actually seen a guy that liked it once. He-

DT: The Anglo Luchador was very angry after that chair shot, Dean. I’m really anxious to see how this one plays out.

[CUE UP: “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand. August De La Rossi makes his way out from behind the curtain, followed by The Mysterious Zoltan to some MASSIVE heel heat.]

DM: These guys certainly didn’t make any friends at Black Dawn, did they?

DT: You can say that again, Dean. And they have every right to be mad. That was a main event in which the fans paid to see Lindsay Troy take on Cross, and then these two monkeys and their leader, or whatever you want to call him, have to come down and ruin everything.

MN: Are you guys crazy? I mean, I didn’t pay for the pay-per-view, but I saw it first hand and I was more than happy with the presence of Troy Windham and his Entourage.

DT: You would be Neels.

MN: Because I have taste? Even though that puts me in the minority, it doesn’t make me a freak.

DT: No, but it makes you a brown-noser like no one else.

MN: If you’re referring to my preference to the betterment of this company, then I accept your compliment.

[CUE UP: “Eat the Rich” by Fozzy. The crowd pops out of their seats as JA makes his way out from behind the curtain.]

DT: Neels, if you want to talk about betterment of the company, look no further than this man right here. He has been nothing a positive force here in EPW as of late, and he is definitely a cornerstone in this company.

MN: A cornerstone in stagnation. When’s the last time this guy even had a match that involved some sort of decision?

DT: Since when are decisions pertinent?

MN: Since when? Ask Lindsay Troy how pertinent decisions are. Ask her where she would be if she didn’t have a decision against Beast.

[CUE UP: “Money, Power, Respect”. The crowd dies down a bit, but the cheers are still heard blasting throughout the arena. Troy then makes her way down the ramp with her title draped over her shoulder.]

DM: Speaking of the champ, here she comes now! She looks none too happy with the two men standing in the ring either.

MN: That’s just the wrinkle her face has after that massacre she endured at Black Dawn.

DT: And it was ridiculous! Troy Windham and his Entourage, once again, had no business being out there!

MN: How long are you going to whine about this, Thomas? Don’t be mad because Troy Windham was able to send a message to the champ that he’s here.

DM: Speaking of Mr. Windham, where is he exactly? Doesn’t he have a lot of stock in this match?

DT: That’s an excellent point, Dean. Maybe Troy’s collar-boy here knows where he’s at.

MN: So I’m a collar-boy now? Why? Because I enjoy his work?

DT: Because your nose is stuck in his-

DM: We’re ready to get this thing underway, guys!

DT: Good call, Dean. It looks like De La Rossi is going to be starting this match for the Entourage, but JA and Lindsay seem to be having a hard time deciding who’s going to start this match.

DM: Both of them are clearly angry with what happened at Black Dawn, and they’re ready for payback.

DT: And it looks like Lindsay has finally persuaded JA to let her get this one underway. It will be Troy and De La Rossi to start this match.

[DING DING DING]

DT: And here we go. The two quickly charge each other and lock up in a collar and elbow! Troy quickly pulls August into a side headlock. August backs her into the ropes and presses her off into the opposite set. Lindsay hits the ropes…

DM: Troy just caught De La Rossi with a spinning heel kick! She now mounts De La Rossi and begins pounding away at him with those right hands!

MN: Those are illegal ref! Stop her!

DT: She is obviously infuriated with the Entourage, and she’s showing it right here! And the ref has to peel her off of August! She now reaches down and pulls De La Rossi to his feet and back to her corner. There’s a tag to JA as Lindsay grabs De La Rossi in an armbar.

DM: Good evening from De La Rossi! JA just introduced himself with a big springboard dropkick to De La Rossi’s jaw! JA stays on the attack and pulls De La Rossi to his feet. He backs him into the ropes with a hard knife-edge chop.

DT: There’s an Irish whip. Another dropkick by JA! De La Rossi quickly rolls to his corner and there’s a tag to Z!

DM: Z! charges into the ring. Drop toehold by JA! Z! just smashed his face into the canvas! He tries to bounce back up quickly, but JA catches him with a bulldog! He quickly reaches up and tags Troy back in!

DT: Look out! Troy’s heading up top!

DM: And JA just nailed Z! in the ribs with a baseball slide!

DT: And there’s Troy with a twisting senton bomb! She rolls Z! over for the pin…

…one…

…two…

…broken up by De La Rossi! This match was almost over right there!

DM: And now Troy’s going after De La Rossi!

MN: He’s not even the legal man! Disqualify her ref!

DT: For attacking someone who’s not in the match? What about disqualifying the Entourage for De La Rossi interfering?

MN: De La Rossi got trapped in the ring! He realized that, and now he’s trying to get out before the ref can count to five, but that wench Troy won’t let him exit!

DT: I think he deserves of it all, Neels. And Troy nails De La Rossi with a right hand! There’s another! She backs him into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip. Troy looks for the clothesline, but De La Rossi ducks it. He hits the other ropes…

DM: And he held on! Troy was ready for the rebound, but De La Rossi stopped her and her plans short.

DT: Roll up by Zoltan!

One…

…two…

…kickout by Troy! She quickly gets to her feet to attack Z!

DM: Z! blocks the right and nails her with one of his own! He backs her into the ropes and now gives her an Irish whip. Troy rebounds.

DT: Big boot to the face by Z! There’s a pin…

…one…

…two…

…broken up by JA!

DM: Z! is quickly back up to his feet! He nails JA with a right hand! And now he reaches down…

DT: Gorilla Press Slam! He just sent the Anglo Luchador FLYING across the ring! He makes his way back over to Troy.

DM: Small package by Troy!

One…

…two…

…kickout! Both competitors spring up…

DT: Right hand by Z! Blocked by Troy! And now she’s literally chopping down the big man with those crazy martial arts strikes and kicks! Rights! Lefts! Legs! They’re flying everywhere from our World Champion here!

DM: Here comes De La Rossi to try and slow her down!

DT: But he’s met with a stiff roundhouse! De La Rossi hits the mat!

DM: And there’s JA launching off the top rope and nailing him with a guillotine leg drop!

DT: Meanwhile, Troy has chopped Z! down to his knees. She now barrels off the adjacent ropes…

DM: Dropkick right to the chops! She’s heading to the top rope!

DT: JA has De La Rossi by the legs…

DM: The Liontamer! De La Rossi is squealing in pain!

DT: The Crowning Glory! Lindsay Troy has just nailed Zoltan with that corkscrew moonsault Tornado DDT, just as the big man had made it up to a knee! There’s a pin…

…one…

…two…

…three!!!

[DING DING DING]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here are you winners… JA and the EPW World Heavyweight Champion, Lindsay Troy!

DT: This was not a good night for the Entourage! They were definitely unsettled by the absence of Troy Windham.

DM: Well, we were just as stunned to not see him as they were. He was supposed to be here, but yet there has been nothing heard so far tonight. I’ve got to wonder if he doesn’t have something up his sleeve.

DT: Regardless, he’s in the hole for now as his Entourage has taken a loss at the hands of two of the people they attacked at Black Dawn. He can’t be happy about that.

DM: Troy Windham will not settle for this, but I can’t help but wonder why he wouldn’t be out here to watch his henchmen in what would seem to be an important match for him being that the World Champ was one of their opponents.

DT: Well folks, for Dean Mathews and Mike Neely, I’m Dave Thomas…another night of action is in the books!…Goodnight!!
 
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