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A Public Service Announcement from the French Foreign Legion

fugginVOSS

The REAL Funk U. T-shirt
Joined
Aug 26, 2008
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Age
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(FADE-IN: on an INTERGALACTIC CHAMPIONSHIP background, spangly and silver with mat black space invaders littered across it. Standing before it, proud as punch, was PAIN GRILLE, the leader of the FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION. Arms crossed, his purple mask with the flaming toast on his forehead with the mouth cut-out, smuggly smirking at the camera. Behind him stood BAISERS, RENDRE SINGE, FRITTURES and DRESSAGE in all their creative glory.)

(GRILLE holds his left hand out and RENDRE SINGE, the smallest of the quintet, hands him a microphone.)

PAIN GRILLE:
"Congratulations to zee men who advanced t'rough to zee ULTRATITLE finale. I watched, first 'and, how zese men battled and some of zem were, how you say... courage?"

DRESSAGE: (interrupting)
"Courageous."

PAIN GRILLE: (staring a hole into dRESSAGE)
"Merci, dRESSAGE. As I was sayin', before being rudely interrupted, was zat Fly Me to zee Moon was some show and zee Intergalactic Championship Commission should be applauded for zere efforts, yes?"

(Together, all five men provide lackadaisical applause to the camera. Almost a golf clap.)

PAIN GRILLE:
"It should be said, with zat which zey accomplished with zeir BIG swarray zere was one t'ing zey overlooked and spat on.

"Zee Touring Roster.

"My compatriots of zee French Foreign Legion.

(pointing a finger into his own chest) "ME!"

(He snarls at the camera.)

PAIN GRILLE:
"Of all zee blood, sweat and tears zat zee Touring Roster go t'rough week-after-week to be in shape to make sure people buy zee tickets to give zee, how you say... FUCK about your Intergalactic Championship event you disrespect us and spit in zee faces."

(He shakes his head in disgust.)

PAIN GRILLE:
"In spite of your disrespect, Intergalactic Championship Commission, one man dare to oppose you, yes?

"ONE... man.

"Today, we... zee French Foreign Legion, stand toget'er united as one in respect and support for YOU, Kevin Powers.

"We will stand by your side for everyt'ing you said to Morton Murphy

"We will stand by your side for all of your actions at Fly Me to zee Moon.

"Monsieur Powers... you see before you five brothers for your cause. We 'ave your back, monsieur. Together we can make zee Commission notice us, no?"

(Pumps a rebellious fist.)

PAIN GRILLE:
"Toget'er!"

(The quintet all raise a fist into the air as the camera FADES TO BLACK.)
 

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