A Professional Contribution to Wrestlethon '03

[jediPREZ]

(FADEIN: On the interstate somewhere in the United States...)

"You were looking at my plays, I saw you!"

"You've handed off to Fred Taylor 10 times in a row, nobody needs to know a damn run is coming!"

(CUTTO: The Wrestlethon '03 Intruder Cruiser speeds through the screen, its engines shaking the mountains of yore.)

"Well when you can stop him, then WE'LL talk!"

(CUTTO: Inside the doubledecked luxury bus of the world's most favorite Charity denizen - Guns. Honoring his hometown Spurs championship, it seems he went a little crazy on the silver and black - but the bar and 2 bedrooms make up for that discomfort. In the aisleway, trying his best not to get his open buttoned Hawaiian shirt covered in his beer, or ashed by the cigarete dangling from his lips is 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES - doing his best to separate EDDIE MAYFIELD, in his 'recovery' gear, a Jaguars #28 home jersey, cargo shorts, flip flops...and GUNS wearing a #50 Spurs away jersey, black shorts and cross trainers.)

MILES: "BANDIT! A little help!"

(BANDIT wearing a black muscle shirt, cowboy hat and jeans comes in ducking his head and grabs GUNS from behind, not forcefully - GUNS nods his head and relaxes his stance. MILES nods at MAYFIELD, who is manuevering and trying to look past him...)

MILES: "Eddie c'mon bro, it's just Madden. I know you're excited about 2004 and all..."

MAYFIELD: "I'd rather lose one of these 3 straps in my overhead compartment before I'm droppin my Madden crown to anyone using the Colts!"

GUNS: (trying to get past Bandit...) "Your overhead compartment! It's my hard work and charity givin' you a free ride!"

MILES: "Gentleman! Gentleman! XBox time is over!"

MAYFIELD: "Damn right! Guns, me and you 2 out of 3 NHL on the PS2!"

GUNS: "Oh it's GO TIME. Give me Detroit."

MAYFIELD: "Bi(BLEEP!) I'm Detroit!"

MILES: "Oh that's it! I'll tell you what I really think this is about! All this petty arguing, all this he said, he said stuff? I've been dealing with it for 2 days now! So, let's just come out and say it - You guys think you're going to get Superkicked in Chicago don't you?"

(Guns looks away. Eddie sits down. He's pouting.)

MILES: "Well you're wrong."

(They both look at MILES weirdly...MILES pulls out his cigarette finally and blows out a smoke ring.)

MILES: "I'm taking the fu(BLEEP!)ing kick. My jaw, his foot. Party's over."

MAYFIELD: "Is that a cigarette, Miles? I told you none of that till we retire..."

MILES: "Oh, I'm sober, Ed. All too sober right now. You two have bigger fish to fry. Guns, my man - you've got a charity case on your hands. I mean have you taken a look and seen how bad of shape Kevin Powers is in? Do you realize the work you've got cut out to even make it look like he CAN be helped? He's a two drink minimum away from coming to Anniversary and pissing himself before the match..."

(GUNS nodded he's never quite had to work with such a retard before...a drunk one at that.)

MILES: "And Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. What do you like Eddie?"

MAYFIELD: "Madden..."

MILES: "Gold?"

MAYFIELD: (an evil twinkle returns to his eye...) "Gooooooold."

MILES: (now smirking and nodding) "Dan Ryan?"

MAYFIELD: (smirking and nodding, he pulls out a cigarette) "Dan muthafu(bleep!)in' Ryan."

(MAYFIELD lights up, there's an evil plan forming...you can feel it.)

MILES: "I realize that for what we've done to the name that cannot be named, that one of us will require a little jaw adjustment. It's not anything I haven't done before in an attempt to further our cause. Only last time (MILES inhales a puff and exhales) I was trying to help our friend see the light. This time, its only to get him out of our hair. After this match, he's still gonna (looks to Guns) be nowhere near the World Title or (looks to Mayfield) having any sort of gold around his waist...and since it's my damn fault we're involved with the name that shall not be named - if it's the kick you fear, it's really not all that bad and I'll sell the damn thing. Take it as an apology of some sort."

(Silence...)

MILES: "And with that, me and Bandit got the Supersonics - you two take whoever you damn want...PS2."

(CUTTO: Back to the Wrestlethon '03 Cruiser on the road...)

"MIAMI!"

"SPURS!"

"Only if I'm Ginobli, he's good for a white boy..."

(FTB)

 

[SouthernBoy]

{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern standing in front of a CSWA backdrop. He's shirtless, wearing blue jeans and cowboy boots...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " Ya' gotta' just LOVE sarcasm don't ya? Or was that being facetious? {{..shrugs...}} Either way, it don't really matter does it? Sad thing is, Craig's probably dead on with what he's sayin', n' he don't even realize it. Ya' know, sometimes I envy you Craig. {{...smirks...}} 'Cause really, you n' maybe yer tag partner over there, are tha' only two people I know that can actually cut a promo over two minutes and say absolutely NOTHING...while tha' rest of us actually have ta' come up with [BLEEP] ta' say ah'bout tha' MATCH or our opponents. N' while it's damn entertainin' ta' watch you n' Eddie banter 'bout who's tha' better Xbox player, it really adds nuthin' of interest ta' anybody. "

" You're a clown Miles...so's yer buddy. N' clowns, while funny n' entertainin' never actually accomplish mucha' nuthin' 'cept makin' people laugh. N' while that's a very noble, n' important thing, I mean we ALL need laughter, it's doesn't serve much purpose in tha' wrestlin' world now does it? N' before Eddie goes off on one of his CLASSIC, insult-laden promos tellin' me how he's cool, not funny, well...you can save it, 'cause I just see it as plain SAD. "

" But again, it doesn’t' REEEALY matter. What MATTERS is who tha' better man is, who tha' better WRESTLER is. N' if you ain't figured that one out by now from all tha' kicks in tha' head boys, it's me. Yeah, yer better at sneak attacks, yer better at kickin' a man when he's down, yer better at three on ones, but yer NOT better at steppin' in that ring, n' winnin' matches. You're right, I may NOT be any closer to tha' WORLD title when this is over, n' that's OK, but there's ONE thing I can guarantee to you boys...."

" You won't either."

" Party's OVER. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

 

[jediPREZ]

(FADEIN: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES and your CSWA President, EDDIE MAYFIELD playing X-box...)

MILES: "You hear something?"

MAYFIELD: "Just the wind, Craig...just the wind."

(FTB)