FADE IN:

A busy city street. Daytime.

CUE UP: An exceedingly PHAT beat.

In a scene that hearkens back to Fred Durst's march in Limp Bizkit's "Nookie" video, the self-proclaimed Heavyweight Champion of the Universe, the nefarious SHAWN-JESSICA ❤, is marching down an urban causeway. Flanked by an eclectic assortment of misfits and dope addicts, SJH begins to launch lyrical barbs as he struts.


SJH: "Yo-yo look who's back, it's ya ol' boy Hart! Takin' over your area like another Wal-Mart.
Sucka'z thought I quit, called my ass retired. Gonna burn those fool'z like a bonfire!
Cuz I got the itch, somethin' like for pussy. Now I'm rollin' hard, my chest draped in Stussy.
It's time for Battlemania, wrestling war supreme; Gonna break it down like I break in drag queens!
HA! Now whom'I kiddin', I only go for snatch. Although it's all the same in some when they out they pants.
What the hell does that mean? I must be slippin'. But what I really must know is why y'all trippin'?!"

Suddenly, Hart's half-stepsister, twice-removed, FELICIA HART, shoots out from the crowd and breaks in with backing vocals.

FELICIA: "Why y'all trippin'? Yo, yo, he say why y'all trippin'? Tr-tr-trippin'?!"

SJH pauses momentarily, looks his sister up and down in a manner most unsavory, then twirls about and continues on.

SJH: "I said why y'all trippin' when you know I own ya. If you got a fat ol' ass, yo..you know I'll bone ya.
Or y'all can bone me, I'm all for equal rights! Men and women want me out mah tights!
But enough of that, the Phenom has digressed. When I'm in that ring, ya boy Hart's the BEST!
30 other fools? Ya gotta come correct! They're gonna hit the canvas like an auto wreck.
I've forgotten more holds than y'all will ever know! That's how I win this sh(FCC)t; that's how I steal the show!
When the day is mine and I'm out pimpin', my ho'z gonna ask, 'Now why y'all trippin'?"

As the chorus hits, the mob that flanks the Hart duo breaks out into a synchronized rendition of the Thriller dance.

FELICIA: "Why y'all trippin'? Yo, yo, he say why y'all trippin'? Tr-tr-trippin'?!"

SJH: "Now my time is short, I've got to drop a deuce. Burrito spray straight out my caboose.
But don't worry yourselves, you silly JACKHOLES! I've got a few more words before my toilet battle.
Y'all think I'm silly, think I'm all for show? Y'all won't be laughin' when ya pay the toll!
Cuz I don't come cheap...in the pink or in fighting. Gonna shock yo asses like a bolt of lightning!
A Renaissance Man; Jedi, jerk and GANGSTA! A spandex GOD and a ruthless prankster.
All you wrestler's asses I'm gonna be whippin'..."

FELICIA: "He's gonna win this b(FCC)tch. Why y'all trippin'?"

SJH: "PEACE!"

The music cuts and the crowd disperses. Seconds later, Hart puts both hands on his backside and ducks deftly into a portable restroom.

FADE OUT.