“Come. Take my hand. You trust me, don’t you?”

“Yes”.

“Then you have nothing to worry about”.

“I’m scared”.

“I know. I am too”.

“You… you are?”

“Absolutely. More than you, too”.

“I doubt that”.

“I in no way mean to trivialize your experience, sweetheart. I can assure you however, that I’m absolutely terrified of what’s about to come”.

“You hide it well”.

“I’m just trying to look staunch for you, doll”.

“LOL”.

“Did you… did you just say ‘LOL’?”

“Yeah”.

“Oh that will just not do. I forbid you from ever saying that out loud. You hear me? Forbid!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry”.

“Apology accepted”.

“I don’t see how you’re making jokes if you’re so frightened though”.

“Coping mechanism, I guess. It’s not like I’m straight up playing Spiderman here though. That’d be most annoying”.

“You speak differently now”.

“As opposed to when?”

“You know… before”.

“A lot can change in five years”.

“You can say that again”.

“A lot can change in five years”.

“LOL”.

“Now you’re just trying to piss me off”.

“And you weren’t trying to do the same?”

“Point made”.

“So what are we doing here?”

“I want to make sure you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into”.

“By…”

“I have a lot of closed doors in my life. A lot of skeletons in the closet”.

“Don’t we all?”

“It would seem that way. No matter how much grandeur we may want to ascribe ourselves, we are, at the end of the day, only human”.

“So now you’re a philosopher?”

“We both know I’ve always tried to be. But, for the most part, I’ve always been wrong. I figure that if I stick to clichés though, I should be gravy. After all, something becomes cliché when it is over-used. Things that get over-used are usually things that work, or are right. Usually”.

“Now that’s deep”.

“Did I order the sarcasm?”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t think I ordered the sarcasm. Can you please take it back and get me my steak?”

“Oh yes, sorry, sir”.

“It’s quite okay, dear. Just chip a couple of dollars off the bill for me and we’ll be square”.

“Lee, can we quit screwing around here?”

“Of course. I’m sorry”.

“Can you tell me what it is that you want me to do?”

“You’re not going to like it”.

“I don’t care”.

“That’s one of the reasons I love you”.

“That’s the first time you’ve said that since…”

“I know”.

“So…”

“So here we are”.

“Two doors?”

“Two gigantic metaphysical doors, occupying imaginary space in this abstract construct of my psyche, to be precise”.

“Like I said… two doors”.

“One blue. One red”.

“What is this, The Matrix?”

“Which do you want to choose first?”

“What’s the difference?”

“See for yourself”.