I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
BRANDON JACOBS: We are back and before we would like to give our best wishes to Sean Edmunds, who goes under the knife today to repair the damage to his shoulder.
JONATHAN MARX: We here all love Edmunds and we wish him a speedy recovery.
VIC WATERS: He is one of the good ones.
BRANDON JACOBS: But in honor of him, we are going to have a show that is going to rock…. Now if we can only find Jared Wells we can start this match.
::Marx presses his headset to his ear::
JONATHAN MARX: We are being told that Jared Wells is making his way out of Club 33 as we speak after having a few drinks in honor of his friend and rival Edmunds.
VIC WATERS: Either that, or he is celebrating the fact that it is Monday followed by his big Tuesday bash tomorrow.
BRANDON JACOBS: At least he is a good drunk…
VIC WATERS: Amen to that.
BRANDON JACOBS: Unlike some people I know, whose alcoholism has caused them to grow bitter and resentful of people.
VIC WATERS: Stop looking at me Marx. I am not bitter. I am simply realistic and I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care to hold my tongue anymore.
JONATHAN MARX: Being a gentlemen, you should always be respectful of people’s feelings. I swear, when you get to be your age, I won’t be a bitter old man like you are.
VIC WATERS: Oh Mister Marx, you are well on your way to the darkside, Doc Silver, god rest his soul would be very proud of you.
BRANDON JACOBS: Alright, have we stalled enough while Anarky has helped a drunken Wells out of Club 33 to Royal Street… LETS SEND THIS ONE TO NEW ORLEANS SQUARE AND GET THIS ONE UNDERWAY!
::World’s Finest Head Referee Umberto Gonzalez stands between the team of The Original Showstoppers with Calvin Carlton sporting his tennis racket and Chemognosis (Felix Red & Jared Wells). Wells is noticeably wobbly holding a wine bottle::
UMBERTO GONZALEZ: This match is Falls Count Anywhere in New Orleans Square. While there are no rules, please don’t trash the place too badly because we have to pay for any and all damages.
::Gonzalez looks over at Wells::
UMBERTO GONZALEZ: Are you sure you are fit to compete?
::Wells nods his head
UMBERTO GONZALEZ: When I count to three this match will officially begin….. ONE……. TWO……
BRANDON JACOBS: THE ORIGINAL SHOWSTOPPERS RUSH FELIX RED AND JARED WELLS BEFORE THE MATCH EVEN BEGINS! CARTLON HAS HIS TENNIS RACKET AND HE WHACKS THE DRUNK JARED WELLS IN THE HEAD KNOCKING HIM DOWN!
VIC WATERS: Jared Wells was completely off by their blatant disregard for authority.
JONATHAN MARX: I think in the condition Wells is in, a snail could have knocked him down.
VIC WATERS: They aren’t called Chemogensis for nothing.
BRANDON JACOBS: FARGO WHIPS FELIX RED BACK FIRST INTO THE WALLS OF THE SHOPS ON ROYAL STREET!
VIC WATERS: That had to hurt, Felix Red is bent over and it looks like he crushed something.
JONATHAN MARX: If the Original Showstoppers can do damage to his back, they could ground Felix Red for the rest of the match.
VIC WATERS: They are headed over to the French Market.
JONATHAN MARX: Home of the best French dip sandwich on earth.
VIC WATERS: Beau Michaels loves it to, whenever he comes to Disneyland, he always raves about all the meat he gets.
BRANDON JACOBS: FARGO IS CALLING OVER MUELLER AND THEY BOTH GRAB THE HAIR OF FELIX RED…. THEY RAM THE HEAD OF FELIX RED INTO THE GLASS MENU ON THE WALL SHATTERING THE GLASS!
JONATHAN MARX: Jesus Christ, Jared Wells better get back up and help out his partner or he is going to be in deep trouble.
VIC WATERS: Wells won’t let his partner down, he never does.
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix Red has been busted open but he still is stumbling around on his feet…. BRANDON MUELLER KICKS FELIX RED IN THE GUT AND HE HITS HIM WITH A DDT!
JONATHAN MARX: The Original Showstoppers have bum rushed these two since the beginning of this match and it is paying major dividends.
BRANDON JACOBS: MUELLER GOES FOR THE COVER! The ref goes down to count! 1--------------------------------------------------------------2---------------------------------------- FELIX RED GETS HIS SHOULDER UP BEFORE THE THREE!
VIC WATERS: That would have been a major upset if they got the three right there but unlike Felix Red & Wells, they are working together as a team.
BRANDON JACOBS: Mueller picks Felix Red up by the hair…. He calls over to Frankie Fargo…. THEY RUN TOWARDS THE RAILING AND HEAVE FELIX RED OVER THE BLUE RAILING INTO THE PATIO AND FELIX RED SLIDES OVER A TABLE AND THEN FALLS DOWN TO THE GROUND!
VIC WATERS: Tupelo has nothing on this.
JONATHAN MARX: Felix Red may have broken his nose when he crashed down on the ground.
BRANDON JACOBS: WAIT A SECOND, HERE COMES WELLS AND HE HAS THE TEQUILA BOTTLE IN HIS HAND! The Original Showstoppers hop the railing and they are going into the patio area after Felix Red…
JONATHAN MARX: Wells may already be too late to help.
BRANDON JACOBS: BRANDON MUELLER PICKS UP FELIX RED AND HE HOLDS BACK THE ARMS OF FELIX RED! Frankie Fargo picks up a glass bottle of ketchup AND HE IS CLIMBING UP ONTO THE TABLE!
VIC WATERS: Jared Wells is climbing over the fence and he may just get there in time!
BRANDON JACOBS: MUELLER GETS READY TO JUMP OFF BUT WELLS GRABS THE LEG BEFORE HE CAN JUMP OFF AND MUELLER TAKES A WILD SWING AT WELLS BUT MISSES!
JONATHAN MARX: He is swinging like A-Rod in the ALCS. He got absolutely no contact whatsoever.
VIC WATERS: Always with the cheap shots against the Yankees.
BRANDON JACOBS: WELLS TAKES THE TEQUILA BOTTLE AND HE CROTCHES MUELLER RIGHT IN THE GROIN WITH IT! Felix Red breaks free of Frankie Fargo and he snap mares him over right to the ground… THEN HE KICKS HIM RIGHT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A KICK! It looks like Wells’ run in bought him enough time to escape.
VIC WATERS: Thankfully for Felix Red, Wells is use to operating in a drunken stupor.
JONATHAN MARX: Before a match is no time to be getting all liquored up thought at Club 33.
VIC WATERS: It is Jared Wells’ form of training.
BRANDON JACOBS: WELLS IS CLIMBING UP ONTO THE TABLE AND HE IS PICKING UP THE BENT OVER MUELLER UP IN THE AIR…. HE LIFTS HIM UP HIGH IN THE AIR WITH A RAGE BOMB AND HE DIVES OFF THE TABLE RIGHT ONTO ANOTHER ONE AND MUELLER GOES FACE FIRST IN CRACKING THE TABLE INTO PIECES!
JONATHAN MARX: OH MY GOD!
BRANDON JACOBS: The referee is going to check on both men but neither are moving yet.
JONATHAN MARX: That was a very dangerous move by Wells. Someone could have gotten seriously hurt.
VIC WATERS: These two teams are competing to be the first WFW World Tag Champions, no lengths are too far when the gold is on the line.
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix Red and Frankie Fargo are trading chops back and forth but Felix Red is getting the better of him…. FARGO REACHES ONTO ONE OF THE TABLES AND GRABS AN OPEN CONTAINER OF SALT AND HE THROWS IT RIGHT INTO THE EYES OF FELIX RED AND FELIX RED IS TRYING DESPERATELY TO GET IT OUT!
JONATHAN MARX: With all those cuts Felix Red has on his face, exposing them to salt has to burn like hell.
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells is waking up first and he clears some of the debris away…. WELLS IS GOING FOR THE COVER! The ref comes over and he is trying to find a clear place to go down to the ground and make the pinfall…. 1-------------------------- FRANKIE FARGO GRABS A METAL TRAY------2----------------- FARGO DIVES WITH THE TRAY AND BREAKS UP THE COUNT BEFORE WELLS GETS THE THREE!
VIC WATERS: So close, he may even have had it.
JONATHAN MARX: No, the referee’s hand didn’t get all the way down for the three, but I will tell you, it was close.
BRANDON JACOBS: Wells looks like he is a bit out of it…. FARGO SEES THE TEQUILA BOTTLE THAT WELLS USED ON MUELLER AND HE LIFTS IT UP….
JONATHAN MARX: The Original Showstoppers are coming for payback.
BRANDON JACOBS: Fargo is uncorking the tequila…. HE GRABS THE HEAD OF WELLS AND HE IS TRYING TO POUR AS MUCH TEQUILA AS POSSIBLE DOWN HIS THROAT AND WELLS IS STARTING TO CHOKE ON IT!
VIC WATERS: What the hell is he doing?!
JONATHAN MARX: Maybe they are trying to get him even drunker so they can take him out of this match once and for all.
VIC WATERS: That sounds like something someone like Carlton would do. It is brilliant except he is going to need a lot more booze to get the job done.
BRANDON JACOBS: FARGO THROWS DOWN THE BOTTLE OF TEQUILA AND NOW HE GRABS A PIECE OF THE TABLE AND HE IS TRYING TO BUST OPEN JARED WELLS WITH IT! Felix Red grabs a bottle of Coke off the table and splashes it in his face and finally he gets the salt out of his eyes…. FELIX RED COMES OVER AND HE JUMPS UP INTO THE AIR AND HE HITS FARGO WITH A TWISTING LEGDROP RIGHT IN THE HEAD!
JONATHAN MARX: Felix Red clocked him good with that one.
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix Red is trying to pick up his partner, but his partner looks like he is totally out of it now due to all of the tequila Fargo poured down his thrat…. A FRUSTRATED FELIX RED THROWS JARED WELLS DOWN TO THE GROUND AND HE GRABS BOTH MUELLER AND FARGO OUT OF THE FRENCH MARKET PATIO AREA OF THE FRENCH MARKET AND HE BEGINS TO HEAD TOWARDS THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!
VIC WATERS: I don’t think that Felix Red realizes that it was Fargo that got Wells even drunker than he already was.
JONATHAN MARX: Wells doesn’t have a good rep to begin with, it would be just like him to be a drunken mess in New Orleans.
BRANDON JACOBS: HE IS HEADED UNDER THE BRIDGE AND HE IS GOING UP THE CIRCULAR RAMP TO THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!
VIC WATERS: This is about to get even better.
JONATHAN MARX: Felix Red better becareful, this could easily turn into a two on one if he isn’t careful and Wells, drunken state or not, won’t be anywhere around to help.
VIC WATERS: Felix Red can look out for himself.
BRANDON JACOBS: Meanwhile over in the French Market, Calvin Carlton has stolen another bottle of tequila and he is attempting to lift the head of Jared Wells in order to pour even more booze right down his throat….. JARED WELLS IS CHUGGING IT DOWN AND STARTS CHOKING ON IT AGAIN! WAIT A SECOND, HERE COMES ANARKY AND HE PUSHES CALVIN CARLTON DOWN AND HE GRABS HIS TENNIS RACQUET AWAY FROM HIM AND NAILS CARLTON RIGHT ACROSS THE HEAD!
JONATHAN MARX: Apparently after the hours and hours of footage they watched of LOVE, the only weakness they could find for these two is their substance abuse problems.
VIC WATERS: It is amazing it hasn’t caused them to self destruct already but LOVE is leading the good life right now.
JONATHAN MARX: Well if Jared Wells doesn’t find a way to help his partner, he is going to be on the wrong side of Felix Red’s wrath.
BRANDON JACOBS: Anarky is helping the drunken Jared Wells over to the Pirates of the Caribbean just as Felix Red is entering the building with Frankie Fargo and Brandon Mueller.
JONATHAN MARX: Wells always takes a sip now and then before matches, but I starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe that someone could have spiked his drink with something like GHB up in Club 33.
VIC WATERS: So you are saying Minnie Mouse wanted to date rape Jared Wells?
JONATHAN MARX: No, I am beginning to think this has all been a plot by the Original Showstoppers and that good for nothing Momma’s boy Calvin Carlton.
BRANDON JACOBS: FARGO AND MUELLER BREAK FREE OF FELIX RED’S CLUTCHES AND FELIX RED CRASHES BACK FIRST INTO THE DOOR!
JONATHAN MARX: With those two big window panes on both sides, he is very lucky he crashed back first in the middle or all of that glass could have fallen right onto his back and scratched him all up.
VIC WATERS: Don’t think they weren’t trying to do it. These three will stop at nothing to achieve their goals.
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix Red looks like he is in a great deal of pain…. BRANDON MUELLER KICKS FELIX RED UP FOR A DELAYED VERTICAL SUPLEX…. HE HOLD HIM UP THERE… WAIT A SECOND, HE JUST DROPPED HIM DOWN ON THE HARD TILING RIGHT ON THE FLOOR!
JONATHAN MARX: It looks like after that Ragebomb Mueller took earlier on that he couldn’t keep him up there.
VIC WATERS: It doesn’t matter now, Felix Red is down regardless if he was able to execute the move to perfection or not.
BRANDON JACOBS: Mueller is grabbing his back but he crawls over onto Felix Red and he is going to make a cover! THE REF GOES DOWN TO COUNT! 1----------------------------------------------------2--------------------------- ANARKY BOLTS THROUGH THE DOOR AND DIVES TO SAVE FELIX RED FROM GETTING PINNED AS A DRUNK WELLS STUMBLES IN BEHIND HIM!
JONATHAN MARX: Can’t this be a straight up clean fight between the Original Showstoppers and Felix Red & Wells without any interference?
VIC WATERS: This was Carlton’s choice, not LOVE’s.
BRANDON JACOBS: FRANKIE FARGO CHARGES ANARKY AND ANARKY KICKS FARGO IN THE STOMACH, HE HOOKS THE ARMS…. HE NAILS FARGO WITH A CHAOS BREAKER AND HE GRABS HIM BY THE TRUNKS AND HE THROWS HIM INTO ONE OF THE EMPTY BOATS AND OFF THROUGH THE RIDE!
VIC WATERS: This ride is fourteen minutes long, by the time he gets through, this match could be over.
BRANDON JACOBS: Mueller is starting to get up… BUT NOW WELLS, FELIX RED, AND ANARKY STANDING ON THE PIER ARE ALL UNITED AS ONE AND MUELLER DROPS DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND BEGINS TO BEG FOR MERCY!
JONATHAN MARX: LOVE never shows any mercy, that is why they are the top group in all of wrestling.
BRANDON JACOBS: WELLS, FELIX RED, AND ANARKY CHARGES MUELLER AND THEY ARE START KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF HIM!
VIC WATERS: Mueller wishes he was Frankie Fargo right now.
BRANDON JACOBS: HERE COMES CALVIN CARLTON AND HE HAS ONE OF THOSE ROPE RAILING POLES IN HIS HAND….. HE TAKES A SWIPE AT ANARKY BUT ANARKY GRABS THE POLE! Carlton has a sheer look of terror on his face…. FELIX RED CHARGES CARLTON AND HE DROP KICKS HIM OVER THE RAILING RIGHT INTO THE WATER! Carlton is splashing around trying to get back on the platform before the next boat comes in.
JONATHAN MARX: Mueller is now officially doomed.
BRANDON JACOBS: JARED WELLS GRABS A SCARED MUELLER UP BY THE HAIR AND HE LIFTS HIM UP FOR ANOTHER RAGE BOMB… THIS TIME ON THE CONCRETE… WELLS LOSES HIS BALANCES AND TAKES A FEW STEPS BACK BUT HE RECOVERS…. CARLTON REACHES OUT OF THE WATER AND HE GRABS THE LEG OF WELLS AND MUELLER FALLS OFF HIS SHOULDERS INTO THE WATER!
VIC WATERS: NOOOOOOOOOO!
BRANDON JACOBS: MUELLER AND CARLTON AND TRYING TO SWIM AWAY FROM THE PLATFORM IN ORDER TO GET AWAY FROM LOVE! They hop into a boat and it looks like they just may get away.
JONATHAN MARX: This is unbelievable, the had this match won, even with everything they tried to do to Wells AND CARLTON FINDS A WAY TO MESS EVERYTHING UP!
VIC WATERS: Nothing good lasts forever.
JONATHAN MARX: No it doesn’t, but it should.
BRANDON JACOBS: FELIX RED, JARED WELLS, AND ANARKY ARE GETTING INTO A BOAT AND THEY ARE GOING AFTER THE ORIGINAL SHOWSTOPPERS!
::crickets chirping, banjo music::
JONATHAN MARX: Why do I have a feeling this is going to cost us some major money?
BRANDON JACOBS: Folks, I am being told by the network that we have to take a commercial break, we will be back shortly, STAY TUNED!