I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
(FADETO: Backstage. Black Rose is standing next to WFW Heavyweight Champion Copycat. Copycat is holding the title on his shoulder and looks dead serious.)
BLACK ROSE: Copycat, tonight you defend the WFW World Heavyweight Title against Anarky, a man with whom your wars have been legendary... Santa's Sack o' Weapons, the So Cal Rumble, War Games, and countless others. What strategy do you have going into your match tonight?
COPYCAT: ...Strategy? Rose, it is my firmest intent to go into this match with as little strategy as possible. Nothing beyond the strategy I would have for any other opponent -- play to my strengths, focus on his weaknesses.
ROSE: Of course, I know you would be going into the match with those strategies. I was referring more to something along the lines of—
COPYCAT: Pardon me for interrupting, Rose, but I know exactly what you're looking for here. The last two times I've beaten Anarky, it's been through questionable means, I admit. But this time, Anarky has done something he's never succeeded in doing before – he earned my respect. Steve Savoy didn't earn my respect before challenging for my title, and he paid the price. Anarky impressed me. He showed himself to be willing to change, something I've been urging him to do for years. So I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt going into this match.
ROSE: I, ah.. .can't think of any better way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. Isn't that a pretty stupid thing to do? Anarky may have earned your respect, but he's really never done anything to earn your trust or anyone else's. And on top of that, he's got the rest of L.O.V.E. watching his back. How can you give someone like that the benefit of the doubt?
COPYCAT: Heh. Rose, you're lucky I'm one of the few remaining WFW wrestlers who DON'T assault announcers. I admit there's a wide range of nefarious tactics that Anarky can resort to if he chooses. But Anarky has recently demonstrated that he can LEARN. And if he can, he knows what happened to Steve Savoy when he didn't earn my respect, and should realize that I mean every word I say. I absolutely WILL NOT -- under ANY circumstances – lose my title to someone I don't respect. It is in Anarky's best interests to not lose my respect, because if he does, he will lose with it any hope of taking my title.
ROSE: But what about L.O.V.E.?
COPYCAT: Do you remember what I said at Merrython, Rose? Well I meant that too. If anyone decides to take the low road and jump me from behind, there will be consequences and repercussions. I can promise you that. If anyone interferes in my match tonight -- be it Felix Red, Jared Wells, Psycho, Sean Edmunds, El Arco Iris -- that person will pay the price. I will see to that. I will NOT tolerate that kind of disrespect. Anyone who has something to say to me will say it to my face, or I will have to resort to
alternative techniques to mediate my problems. Tonight's main event can be a display people will remember for years, or it can be a slaughter people will forget within weeks. That is not up to me. And that, Rose... is just all there is to it.
(match written by Sean Edmunds)
(CUTTO: Ringside with Brandon Jacobs, Vic Waters, and Jonathan Marx.)
VIC WATERS: Copycat had some strong warnings for Anarky!
BRANDON JACOBS: The Heavyweight Champ looks set on retaining his title here tonight and he sent out a warning to Felix Red, Jared Wells, and others that they better watch their backs if they plan on interfering.
JONATHAN MARX: I hope no one ruins that match. The fans have been waiting for years to see Anarky and Copycat go head to head for a World title and it’ll be a match talked about for many, many years.
JACOBS: Well folks we have come to what should be one of the most interesting match ups of the night.
WATERS: You mean the most mis-matched! While Iris has beaten men like Iron Lion before, Dan Ryan is going to murder El Arco Iris tonight. Maybe we should call him El Muerte Iris instead.
MARX: El Arco Iris proved that he can wrestle with the best of him when he defeated Psycho, John Doe and Rocko Daymon for the North American title at Christmas Card.
WATERS: That match had three other men in it, Marx. Iris has to go one on one against one of the most feared men in the business. There’s no way he is going to walk out of this match in one piece, nevermind the North American champion!
JACOBS: Well we’re about to find out just how much this new Iris has in him as he defends his title right now!
(The camera cuts to the ring where the ring announcer steps into the spotlight.)
RING ANNOUNCER: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the WFW NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP!! Introducing first ….”
(‘Zero’ by the Smashing Pumpkins pumps through the arena’s speaker system as the fans get to their feet in anticipation. There is a thunderous pop when he enters through the curtains.)
ANNOUNCER: Introducing first, the former GXW and CSWA World Heavyweight Champion, standing at six foot seven, three hundred and thirty seven pounds….. “THE EGO BUSTER” DAN RYAN!
(CUT TO: 'Ego Buster' flashes across the screen in rapid contrasting black and white. CUT TO: Dan Ryan gorilla presses Kevin Powers from inside the ring to the floor below. CUT TO: The word "YOU" flashes on the screen. CUT TO: Dan Ryan throws 'Living Legend' Mark Windham from the second level of Key Arena down to the first level. CUT TO: the word "ARE". CUT TO: Dan Ryan clotheslines 'Cocky' Craig Miles, nearly taking his head off. CUT TO: the word "BUSTED" CUT TO: rapid shots of Dan Ryan pulverizing opponents with the Humility Bomb, a last ride power bomb landing high angle on the neck.)
(Ryan walks down to ringside as pyro erupts along the ramp beside him. He rolls under the bottom rope and climbs a corner turnbuckle and simply glares through the sunglasses into the crowd.)
WATERS: There is the next North American champion, baby!
MARX: I wouldn’t get your hopes up, Vic.
WATERS: Isn’t that what your daddy tells you about women, Marx?
CUEUP: “Tunak Tunak Tun” by Dahler Mendhi)
ANNOUNCER: And his opponent, hailing from over the rainbow ….. he is the CURRENT WFW NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION ….. the Prince of Prismatic, EL ARCO IRIS!
(El Arco Iris walks down to a mixed reaction from the crowd, some fans decrying the new Iris as they long to see the happy-go-lucky kid they once knew and loved.)
(SFX: Bell rings)
JACOBS: The North American title match is underway and both men are looking over at each other. I don’t know what Dan Ryan is thinking right now, but I’m sure he’s not underestimating the North American champ one bit.
MARX: You can’t underestimate El Arco Iris no matter how much you’d like to. He’s a sensational wrestler who has hung toe to toe, move to move with the best of them.
JACOBS: Iris beckons Dan Ryan to bring it on and Ryan starts walking towards El Arco Iris ….. AND IRIS WITH SOME QUICK LIGHTNING FAST KICKS TO THE MID SECTION OF RYAN! IRISH LAYING KICK AFTER KICK ….. AND DAN RYAN JUST TOSSES HIM TO THE MAT LIKE A RAG DOLL!
MARX: Iris had the right idea of trying to catch Ryan offguard, but unfortunately Dan Ryan is 335 of pure muscle and I don’t know how much damage those shots actually did.
JACOBS: El Arco Iris back to his feet as Dan Ryan continues to come after him.. Ryan extends the hand to catch Iris … but Iris ducks underneath! AND IRIS AGAIN WITH THOSE LIGHTNING FAST KICKS! AND NOW HE CONNECTS WITH A HEEL TO THE FACE OF DAN RYAN!
WATERS: But Ryan is still standing!
MARX: Ryan grabs El Arco Iris by the head … AND HE TOSSES HIM INTO THE CORNER! Ryan comes in with a back elbow, BUT EL ARCO IRIS ROLLS OUT OF THE CORNER!
WATERS: Ryan has got to be a little bit faster if he wants to catch Iris.
JACOBS: Iris bounces off the ropes and comes back to Dan Ryan …. RYAN EXTENDS HIS ARMS TO CATCH IRIS BUT IRIS SLIDES UNDER HIS LEGS! Ryan turns around AND IRIS WITH SOME QUICK PUNCHES TO THE FACE ….. AND DAN RYAN SMIRKS AT IRIS!
WATERS: Iris is lucky that Dan Ryan has been a good sport about this so far. He does NOT want to piss off the big man!
MARX: Iris now slaps Dan Ryan across the face!! AND DAN RYAN PICKS EL ARCO IRIS UP BY THE THROAT AND CHOKESLAMS HIM TO THE MAT!
WATERS: And now business is about to get dirty.
JACOBS: Ryan gets to his knees and shakes his head at El Arco Iris who is rolling around on the mat. Dan Ryan back on his feet now and he picks the North American champion up …. AND RYAN POUNDS HIM ON HIS BACK WITH A FOREARM! Dan Ryan tosses Iris in the corner …. AND NOW HE CONNECTS WITH THE BACK ELBOW! AND AGAIN!
WATERS: If Dan Ryan keeps up this assault on El Arco Iris then there’s little chance that Iris will be able to mount an offense later in this match.
JACOBS: Dan Ryan grabs the arm of El Arco Iris and jerks him out of the corner … and right into a short-arm clothesline! Ryan down for the cover … ONE ….. TW—NO! Iris kicked out!
MARX: Well it’s good to see that at least Iris knew to kick out. That short-arm clothesline looked devastating!
JACOBS: Dan Ryan now driving the knee into the back of El Arco Iris as he pulls back on the chin… AND NOW DAN RYAN DRIVES AN ELBOW INTO THE FACE OF IRIS! Iris rolls to the ground. Dan Ryan now STOMP… NO! Iris moved out of the stomp! Dan Ryan stalking Iris again as he tries to stomp on him, but Iris AGAIN moves out of the way! El Arco Iris rolls into the ropes and now the referee is backing Dan Ryan up to give him some room.
WATERS: The referee is blatantly biased. If that were Dan Ryan in the ropes, he’d let Iris continue to pummel him!
MARX: The referees here do an impeccable job, Vic.
WATERS: You WOULD think so, wouldn’t you?
MARX: What is that supposed to mean?
WATERS: You WOULD assume that it meant something, wouldn’t you?
JACOBS: Well I know that Dan Ryan wants to get this match over with as soon as he can so he can go to the back and continue his search for Alana. El Arco Iris is one of the leading suspects and he could have kidnapped her as a way to throw Ryan off his game.
MARX: Iris is back on his feet looking a little ruffled and now Dan Ryan is demanding that Iris tell him where Alana is.
WATERS: Iris is trying to tell him that he didn’t take her … AND DAN RYAN RESPONDS BY DECKING HIM IN THE FACE!
MARX: Iris ducks under another shot and grabs onto the legs of Dan Ryan … AND HE TRIPS HIM UP! Iris pulled the legs out from underneath Dan Ryan and Ryan goes face first into the turnbuckle pads!
JACOBS: El Arco Iris’ plan of using the kidnapping to his advantage is looking to work as Ryan was caught offguard by his rage. El Arco Iris now locks on the front facelock on the ground …. AND IRIS WITH A HALF NELSON AND HE TURNS IT INTO A PINNING COMBINATION!!! ONE ………. TW—NOOO! Dan Ryan kicks out!
MARX: Iris showing off some mat wrestling skills there, but Dan Ryan is still too powerful to successfully keep in a move like that.
WATERS: The only way Iris would be able to pull that off would be to knock him out or at least cut off both his legs and both his arms. Even then I would think that knocking him out would be more successful.
JACOBS: Iris back to his feet and he bounces off the ropes as Dan Ryan slowly gets to his … Ryan up but he doesn’t see Iris …. AND IRIS WITH A RUNNING DROPKICK TO THE FACE OF DAN RYAN AS HE TURNS AROUND! DAN RYAN FALLS TO BOTH KNEES! Iris again off the ropes ….. AND HE CONNECTS WITH AN ENZIGUIRI THAT CAUSES RYAN TO FLOP TO THE MAT!
MARX: That’s a victory right there for El Arco Iris. The North American champion showing just why he deserves that title, even if he’s had a change of heart.
WATERS: He just needs to make sure that he keeps Ryan on his toes or else it could turn out extremely bad. If Dan Ryan has another opportunity to stabilize himself and go back on the offensive then he could easily end this match in one or two moves.
MARX: Iris CATLIKE as he jumps to the top rope … Dan Ryan shaking out the cobwebs as he gets to his feet …. AND THE NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION FLIES OFF THE TOP ROPE AND HITS A BEAUTIFUL MOONSAULT THAT CAUSES BOTH MEN TO GO TO THE MAT! El Arco Iris hooks the leg …. ONE …….. TWO ……… KICKOUT!
JACOBS: El Arco Iris almost retained his title, but Dan Ryan still kicking out before the three.
WATERS: Iris is looking to prove all his doubters wrong.
MARX: Yourself included?
WATERS: I still don’t think that he’s got what it takes to beat Dan Ryan.
JACOBS: El Arco Iris back to his feet and he wraps the arm around Ryan’s thr… CROSSFACE CHICKENWING! Iris has the Chickenwing locked on Dan Ryan!
WATERS: Iris isn’t strong enough to keep this hold on.
JACOBS: Dan Ryan flailing his arms around trying to break the hold but Iris using his legs to trap one of Ryan’s arms to his side! El Arco Iris has got the hold locked on and now Dan Ryan is beginning to slow his arm movement … HE JUST MIGHT HAVE HIM!
MARX: This was a brilliant move by Iris! The high flying aerial technique was doing a limited job of keeping Ryan on the mat, so he’s resorting to following that up with a perfectly executed chickenwing to cut off his air supply.
JACOBS: The referee is trying to check on Dan Ryan, but Ryan is not having any of it … AND DAN RYAN BREAKS HIS ARM FREE AND GRABS ONTO THE MASK OF EL ARCO IRIS! RYAN IS TRYING TO RIP THE MASK OFF THE NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION!
MARX: If there is one thing you NEVER touch, it is the mask!
JACOBS: El Arco Iris quickly releases the hold as he knocks Ryan’s hand off his mask … and now Dan Ryan rolls into the ropes.
WATERS: He’s not IN the ropes. He’s merely using them as a way to get to his feet. It’s not his fault the referee is stopping Iris.
MARX: How the tune you were singing has changed.
JACOBS: Iris sidesteps the referee and charges in after Dan Ryan… BUT RYAN BACK BODY DROPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE AND EL ARCO IRIS FLIES TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!
(Fans pop ridiculously.)
WATER: Iris has crash landed!
MARX: Dan Ryan is on his way to the outside! The referee needs to step in before this North American title match gets too ugly!
JACOBS: The Ego Buster grabs the body of El Arco Iris … and he lifts him HIGH IN THE AIR …. AND DROPS HIM RIGHT ON THE GUARDRAIL!!! El Arco Iris’ throat hit that guardrail and he is rolling around on the arena floor in pain!
MARX: Ryan has just changed the pace of this match in one fell swoop.
JACOBS: Ryan picks up El Arco Iris and HE IRISH WHIPS HIM ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE LENGTH OF THE RING AND IRIS HITS THE OPPOSITE GUARDRAIL BACK FIRST! Dan Ryan charges in …… AND HE DRIVES THE KNEE INTO THE HEAD OF A FALLEN IRIS!!!
WATERS: Somebody better shine that North American title up real nice for Dan Ryan.
REF: FOUR! FIVE! SIX!
JACOBS: The referee counting these men, and Dan Ryan finally rolls the North American champion back into the ring and follows in after him.
MARX: The damage has been done, though.
JACOBS: Yes it has.
MARX: Dan Ryan picks up the champion …. AND HE DROPS HIM DOWN WITH A BACKBREAKER OVER THE KNEE! Now he is stretching the head back of El Arco Iris while Iris is still over his knee … and he’s trying to pop the North American champion into two pieces!
WATERS: Maybe if half of Iris was going one way, and the other was going the opposite he might have a better chance at distracting Ryan.
MARX: Dan Ryan grabs the head of El Arco Iris and they’re both back to their feet…. Ryan placing Iris’ head between his legs and hooks the arms …. AND DRIVES IRIS TO THE MAT WITH A DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER! Dan Ryan now with the cover ….. ONE ………… TWO …………. THREE!!!!
WATERS: EL ARCO IRIS KICKED OUT!
JACOBS: Iris BARELY kicked out of the pin by Ryan, and that can only mean that he’s slowly starting to fade. His title reign very well may come to an end tonight!
MARX: Well we all said that Dan Ryan would be a most difficult opponent to beat. Even if Iris were to lose tonight, there’s DEFINITELY no shame in losing to the Ego Buster!
WATERS: We all know you would.
JACOBS: Dan Ryan is getting to his feet …. AND HE IS SIGNALLING FOR THE END OF THIS MATCH!
MARX: If Ryan hits the Humility Bomb … then Iris’ title reign will be short lived.
WATERS: If Dan Ryan wins this match and wins the North American title, there’d be no stopping him.
MARX: Ryan brings El Arco Iris up to his feet and he places him between his legs…
JACOBS: Dan Ryan hooks the wai… WAIT A MINUTE!
(The fans all gasp and look towards the rampway as Alana Troy comes running down, stumbling, tears washed down her cheeks.)
MARX: THERE IS ALANA TROY!
WATERS: She’s broken free! She must have gotten out of El Arco Iris’ lockerroom!
JACOBS: Dan Ryan drops El Arco Iris to the mat .. and he runs over to the ropes as Troy gets to the ring.
(Alana Troy hops up onto the apron.)
TROY: It … IT …. PSYCHO … IT WAS PSYCHO!!!
MARX: What did she say???
WATERS: IT WASN’T IRIS AFTERALL!! PSYCHO WAS THE MAN WHO KIDNAPPED TROY!!!
JACOBS: If that’s the case … then where is Psycho?!
MARX: I don’t know, Brandon … but Dan Ryan is trying to comfort Troy and he’s left El Arco Iris all alone! IRIS IS SNEAKING UP BEHIND DAN RYAN …………… IRIS WITH A SCHOOLBOY ROLLUP!!! ONE ……………. TWO ………………. THREE!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dan Ryan kicked out!
WATERS: Iris with a smart move there! He almost scored a coup there!
JACOBS: Dan Ryan back to his feet in a hurry as he glances over at Alana Troy who is wiping the tears from her face … and NOW HE IS LOOKING TOWARDS THE BACK!
WATERS: Is Ryan going to finish his match here tonight or is he going to go after Psycho??
JACOBS: Iris again up …. AND DAN RYAN TURNS AROUND JUST IN TIME TO GET A SHOT TO THE GUT! Ryan doubled over ……. AND EL ARCO IRIS WITH A TILT A WHIRL DDT SENDS RYAN TO THE MAT!!
MARX: Iris is able to repeatedly bounce back from Ryan’s attacks…
JACOBS: El Arco Iris pounces to the top rope …. He sets up as he waits for Dan Ryan to get to his feet ….. AND TROY JUST HOPPED ONTO THE RING APRON AND PUSHED EL ARCO IRIS OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!
WATERS: What a vixen!
MARX: WAIT! Dan RYAN WAS UP AND HE CAUGHT EL ARCO IRIS IN MID-AIR …. He turns around ….. AND POWERSLAMS HIM TO THE MAT!!! AND RYAN IS CALLING FOR THE HUMILITY BOMB AGAIN!
(The fans begin to jeer as Psycho jogs down the rampway pointing at Troy. Troy screams and begins to run around the ring.)
JACOBS: AND HERE IS PSYCHO!!!
MARX: DAN RYAN SEES PSYCHO CHASING ALANA TROY AROUND THE RING ….. AND RYAN SLIDES OUT FROM UNDERNEATH THE RING AND HE STANDS IN BETWEEN THE TWO!
WATERS: Dan Ryan does NOT look like a happy camper!
MARX: Alana Troy rolls into the ring … and the referee now tells her to get out …. AND ALANA TROY TRIPS AND FALLS TO THE MAT! TROY IS HOLDING HER ANKLE!
JACOBS: By God, Alana Troy might have just hurt Dan Ryan’s chances at winning the North American title! The referee is too busy making sure he is okay and now Psycho has every opportunity to injure Ryan!
MARX: Dan Ryan cracks his knuckles as he looks at Psycho …. Psycho reaches into his tights ……… AND HE PULLS OUT A PAIR OF BRASS KNUCKLES!!! PSYCHO PUTS ON THE BRASS KNUCKLES!!
WATERS: Aw man, here comes Iris to ruin the moment…
JACOBS: El Arco Iris walks over to the ropes between Dan Ryan and Psycho ….
(The fans explode in jeers)
JACOBS: WAIT A MINUTE!!!
JACOBS: PSYCHO JUST LEVELED EL ARCO IRIS RIGHT IN THE HEAD WITH THOSE BRASS KNUCKLES AND HE FALLS BACKWARDS INTO THE RING!!! PSYCHO IS HELPING DAN RYAN WIN THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE!!!
WATERS: The referee turns around and he sees El Arco Iris strewn across the mat .. and Psycho and Dan Ryan on the outside … and he is telling Ryan to get back into the ring!
JACOBS: All Dan Ryan has to do is pin El Arco Iris and he will walk out of here with the North American title! El Arco Iris put up a HELL of a fight tonight, but I’m afraid that it is all over.
MARX: Wait a minute … ALANA TROY HAS JUST HOPPED TO HER FEET AND SHE ROLLED UNDER THE RING! SHE IS WALKING PERFECTLY FINE!
JACOBS: What the hell is that about?!
MARX: The referee is wondering the same thing!! The referee over to the ropes to question Troy … but Alana Troy walks away!!
WATERS: I think the referee is putting two and two together….
MARX: The referee walks over to Psycho … AND HE SEES PSYCHO TRYING TO HIDE THE BRASS KNUCKLES!
JACOBS: Dan Ryan is in the ring …. AND HE COVERS EL ARCO IRIS!
(The bell rings.)
JACOBS: What the hell?
MARX: I have no clue what is going on. Is the referee disqualifying Dan Ryan?!
WATERS: He can’t! He didn’t see what was going on!
RING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, thirty minutes has passed and there has been no result…. Therefore …… the result of this match is a TIME LIMIT DRAWWWWWWWWW!!!! Furthermore …. As a result …… El Arco Iris retains the North American Title!!!
JACOBS: IRIS AND RYAN FOUGHT TO A TIME LIMIT DRAW!
FANS: SUDDEN DEATH! SUDDEN DEATH! SUDDEN DEATH!
MARX: These fans want this match to continue, but El Arco Iris isn’t even conscious right now as the referee places the title on him and instructs Dan Ryan and Troy to leave ringside ….. BUT DAN RYAN SLIDES UNDERNEATH THE RING AND HE BEGINS TO GO AFTER PSYCHO!
WATERS: Psycho was heading up the rampway though!
JACOBS: RYAN CATCHES PSYCHO OFF GUARD WITH A CLOTHESLINE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!! Dan Ryan now turns Psycho over and begins to clobber him …. And now officials are streaming out from the back to break these two up!
MARX: What a match!!!
WATERS: Iris manages to retain the title … and clears his name as the kidnapper of Troy …
JACOBS: The officials have finally taken Dan Ryan off of Psycho … we’ve got to take a commercial break, but when we come back … the match the world’s been waiting for; ANARKY takes on the WORLD CHAMPION COPYCAT … here tonight at Great Expectations!
(written by Paul Miller)
(CUEUP: “Smoke on the Water” by Deep Purple)
MARX: Wait a second… that is my dad’s music!
::Arthur “Werewolf” Marx, one of the grand elders on the WFW board of directors wheels out through the curtain with the microphone in hand::
WEREWOLF: YOU THREE HAVE BEEN CONDUCTING YOURSELF LIKE A GROUP OF THUGS, TRYING TO SCREW EACH OTHER OUT OF THE TITLE LEFT AND RIGHT! Well if you are going to act like thugs, I am going to treat you like thugs, at the Superbowl of Wrestling…. EL ARCO IRIS WILL PUT HIS TITLE ON THE LINE IN A THREE WAY DANCE IN “THE HARD CELL”, A PRISON CONSTRUCTED AROUND THE RING WITH NUMEROUS WEAPONS SCATTERED AROUND THE CAGE FOR YOU THREE TO GET ALL YOUR FRUSTRATIONS OUT AND FINALLY END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL! There will be three special guards outside of the ring in the prison in order to make sure nobody tries to get in, Lindsay Troy will be in the corner of Dan Ryan, Pat Gordon will be in the corner of El Arco Iris, and for Psycho…. Well, since he was the one who got screwed out of his title initially, I will let him name his own man. Good luck and I hope you all kill each other.
::Arthur “Werewolf” Marx throws down the mic and rolls back through the curtain::
(CUT TO: Commercial)