UNLEASHED '08: Tag Team Titles: Forsaken (c) vs. Craig Miles & Beast

[DBrunkGXW]

For the EPW World Tag Team Titles.

Post all RP here.

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The First is pacing around, trying to figure out which rant to go on. Felix and Gotho are watching Heroes...)

FELIX: Man, Peter Petrilli must be the stupidest super hero of all time...

GOTHO: But he's sooooo cute...

FELIX: Well, you want to f*ck everything, so your opinion doesn't count and also ew. he goes back in time to kill his own brother, but wouldn't he just go back further and tell his brother not to tell everyone they have powers? Also, why's everyone always so preoccupied trying to save the cheerleader? She's invincible.

GOTHO: Yeah, it's all very illogical. I like Captain Planet and the Planeteers better.

FIRST: I just hate them so much...(Seethes)...It's like, on the one hand, they could be honest about this crap, and they hate each other, and if that's the case, then they could just sell each other out to us, we could maim one of them, break their leg, crush a hand...Do something horrible, something that even Craig Miles, who sees all, knows all, is all...Wouldn't be able to deny wasn't part of his cunning plan to become supreme overlord of all Wrestling and the Eastern Seaboard, which he will rename Milesastan...Or he could just feed us Beast, that worthless sack of sh*t, who's spent his whole life hiding behind Dan Ryan and now Troy...Oh I'd love to see the fear in his eyes when he's stuck in that ring, and he knows nothing will protect him...Nothing will save him, and that we're going to do damage to him that all his 20 houses, 40 cars, wife and 8 mistresses won't be able to fix...

FELIX: It actually doesn't matter whether or not they actually hate each other. They don't care about anything besides looking good. Winning....that may or may not be part of it, depending on the circemstances...They're not likely to deliberately sell each other out like that. They're more likely to f*ck up in the process of trying to one up the other...That's why I'm still sitting here talking about overrated TV shows. You're still trying to figure out what Miles' game is. I'm just planning on beating him and Beast half to death

FIRST: They have gotten to me...I'll admit it...It's just that I so fear that we're just...Human props in this game, that Miles and Beast have some pals waiting or whatever, and win or lose we'll just end up being beaten up as they form the "Cocky Beasts" or some other stupidly named alliance...I just look at what happened in the KoC and think to myself "Really, that was it?" that all the tag teams in this miserable company spent their time losing to one man...That this fight is really the alpha and omega of the tag division, and it's between two overblown dolts who are busy trying to prove who's the bigger diva, and us, who are just caught in the malestrom of their stupidity...

TV: "My name is Syler! you are not my mother!" "But I am dear...I am..." (Felix pulls out handgun and blows the TV set away)

FELIX: **** this show! Go get me another television, lacky.

GOTHO: Yes sir! (jumps out the window)

FIRST: Why does he do that? The door is right there?

FELIX: It doesn't matter. In a way, maybe Heroes isn't such a bad model for our situation afterall. It's a convoluted storyline featuring overexposed, hacknied concepts stolen from previous incarnations of the same ****ing thing. tens of thousands of times. It's like Beast is Peter Petrilli, basically means well, is very stupid, Miles is Claire Bennett, 'cause all he ever does is whine and annoy me with the illogicality of his very existence, and we're the guns that blow up the TV set because they are a boring show.

FIRST: I...Like being the guns...But tragically the TV show still exists in other houses...And I don't think we're gonna get to kill everyone's TV...But I just figured out why I hate all these people so much..It's cause everyone in this company is completely spineless, everyone's a bunch of b*tches, the whole tag division soiled themselves in fear and basically forced Beast and Miles into this fight with us...Rocko Daymon forfeits the world title cause of a hang nail. Sean Stevens spends all his time losing and yet is supposedly a main eventer. Craig Miles and Beast do their pitiful circle jerk and in the end all of it means nothing...It's the old boys network, nobody wants to get down and dirty, nobody wants to rock the boat...Ambition is a problem, not something that's rewarded....All they do is float in and out like blobs in a lava lamp...Everything's meaningless to them...All they care about is their 401's and hoping Wall Street gets bailed out so they can keep their vacation homes. You got any money?

FELIX: I've still got my endoresment royalties from Hot Topic. And the guys at Circuit city give me free **** out of fear.

FIRST: Fear is a great thing...It's just that everyone is all about this playing nice bullsh*t...We're not playing nice, this isn't the way it goes down...No (shakes head) what happens here is we hurt you...Beast and Miles...You get hurt...We're winning, that much will happen, but on top of that, you will pay a price in blood, you will pay a price in ripped tendons, you will pay a price in broken bones...I know you've heard this sh*t from so many other people so many other times and I know you'll be rolling your eyes and mocking this...But look at me...LOOK AT ME...Look at Felix...Does it seem like we're *not* going to follow through on this? Do you think we won't?

FELIX: You've heard it before...so have we....the difference is, well, hey....you're only here because there's no one else left.

FIRST: And you're the two most overhyped losers I can imagine, if Priest and that idiot with the huge name had made the finals, we'd have just roughed them up a little, art of despair, and we're out the door, you idiots trigger my bloodlust...

(Felix looks out the window)

FELIX: Ah, ****, Gotho's finally dead. Now who's gonna fetch the new TV?

(First looks out the window)

FIRST: I can't tell if he's breathing or not...He pulled this stunt on me last week when I sent him to get me M&M's and sprite...As for the TV we can just go on-line, all the major networks let you watch the whole episode anyhow on their websites.

FELIX: What do you mean "go online?"

FIRST: The internet? (Felix looks on blankly) The world wide web? (Still no sign of understanding)...Oh lord...On the one hand it scares me deeply that you're not understanding this, on the other hand, exposing you to this may in fact bring about the end times of man...

FELIX: They don't call me the boy who destroyed the world 'cause I'm a sexy *****...they call me a sexy ***** 'cause I'm a sexy *****....seriously though, what are we gonna do with Gotho's corpse?

FIRST: Go to a housekeeping store, get some shovels, find a place to dig a ditch, pour some lyme in it, dump him in, pour more lyme on top, and then bury him seems to be the best of plans...

FELIX: and then we're gonna need a new flunky...

FIRST: We can hold open try outs...Wait...I think I just his leg move...That could have been just from his body falling off that stack of trash bags or it could have been of his own accord...

GOTHO (voice can be faintly heard) k-...kill me....

(Felix empties a few rounds out the window onto the pavement)

FELIX: No, I'm fairly certain he's expired. poor thing.

(First looks on in horror for a few moments)

FIRST: Well then...I'll get to work on drawing up the flyers for tryouts...You're serious you've never been on-line?

FELIX: I have no idea what you're talking about.

FIRST: Well then, come with me and we'll take you to a magical land of endless pornography, message board wars, idiots posting videos of themselves doing stupid things...And yet even more porn...

(First walks a confused Felix towards a computer...Fadeout)

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The First standing in front of a brick wall, which is most likely a school house. He is wearing a black button up shirt and his gi pants, he has a large "Vote No on Prop H8." button on. His hair is jet black and pulled back into a pony tail and with the exception of some mascara his face is amazingly unmade up.)

FIRST: "We're coming to a serious moment in our history...One great truth will come out from this election, one thing that nobody can deny..."

"The result...Will be sovereign."

"That's the end of it, there will be spinning, complaining, conspiracy theories will crop up over how people stole this election, ACORN, or GOP voter suppression, Diebold or butterfly ballots, the hanging chad...Whatever the excuses are, the verdict shall be in..."

"The result...Will be sovereign."

"Here blood will be spilled, pain inflicted, suffering...a great deal of suffering will be had...There will be heartbreaking near falls, and an even more heartbreaking final decision...Belts of leather and gold will be given to the winners as a declaration of their victory, for the losers, precious little but recriminations and regrets."

"The result...Will be sovereign."

"There will lying and spinning...Lord knows Miles and Felix will tell everyone this doesn't matter, Beast will declare some supposed slight, real or imagined the reason of his defeat, I on the other hand...Well, I'm going to either reveal in victory, I shall drink of it as if it were a fountain of endless refreshment, and if defeated, I shall be broken, I shall hurt with a terrible pain...Loss should do that to a man, if it didn't, he shouldn't bother to fight...If you do not put yourself on the line for something, why even partake of it."

"The result...Will be sovereign."

"That is the final truth...Even with the taint of a special ref, who's name is unrevealed, who's motives are unknown, he is the hand of fate itself. He shall be the one that controls us, his actions may cause any amount of chaos...But if he sets his will against the winners, then all his is, is more more roadblock in the path, if he aids the winners, then all he did was grease the skids towards that final destination...Whoever you are, know this, you will not be the cause of the defeat of the Forsaken...You will not be why Felix and I leave without our titles. Unless it's a complete and total bagjob and you call the bell after the first move...Well then, then you'll pay in blood...But still, even then..."

"The result...Will be sovereign."

"And that is the greatness of competing, that there is a conclusion, that something (pushes arms forward) happens. And it's there, a record is made of it. Maybe a section of two of the mat is stained with my blood, maybe a fan gets crashed into and has a memory forever...Maybe none of that happens, maybe all of it does...But the one thing every will remember, is who won, who lost, and how it all went down...

And that is why I must give everything I have, I must put myself on the line time and time again, I do everything in my power to defeat Craig Miles, to defeat Beast, to aid Felix in his efforts to do the same...Because I will have nothing to say otherwise, I will have no excuses, no justifications...No pretty lies to tell myself in the mirror to make it all better...No, all that can happen in that ring...Is glorious victory, or crushing defeat..."

"The result...Will be sovereign."

(FADEOUT)

 

[MarcusWestcott]

(Fade in... Marcus Westcott - Beast - in front of an Unleashed backdrop.)

Beast: For the love of...

To be brutally honest... I haven't seen anybody speak so much and say so little since the late Joey Melton once roamed these halls.

The fact of the matter is this... Unleashed is upon us, and regardless if you're confused by the Heroes storylines or not, the four of us are penned to be in a match for the EPW Tag Team Championship - you've still got a match to wrestle.

But the big story isn't whether the Forsaken can hold onto their precious gold under the sheer force of Beast and Miles. The REAL story is whether Miles and I are going to be able to co-exist long enough to destroy you two punks and take your little titles.

Hell, I'll be the first one to admit it. Miles and I don't exactly get along. It's not like the guy's on my Christmas card list, and he probably won't be spending any Sunday nights over at my house for dinner. The guy's an ass, he's immature, probably even a little f*cked in the head.

But even with all that being said, the guys IS a tremendous talent. He's got the goods, and if I were a betting man, I'd be betting heavily on a Beast/Miles win come Unleashed. When it comes right down to it, we've got a Tag Team Championship match right in front of us, and I'll be damned if a few disagreements on principle gets in the way of winning gold. And if you were paying attention last week while you were out there clapping like a couple of little starstruck schoolgirls, you would have noticed that despite everything, the two of us actually happened to work really well together.

And that doesn't look good for you two clowns.

But the BIG story isn't even the REAL story.

The REAL story is whatever Lindsay Troy has gotten brewing in that oft-overused snatch of hers with regards to this mystery special guest referee. No one knows who it is, but you know whenever Lindsay's involved, SOMEONE is gonna get f*cked. We just don't know which one of us it is yet. And quite frankly, I've had my share, so you guys are all welcomed to it.

But maybe that's the real reason you guys are sulking, and I'm not talking about being subjected to Lindsay's short and curlies. Perhaps it's the fact that here you two guys are, the EPW Tag Team Champions, and you're being upstaged not once, but TWICE in your own Championship match. You guys aren't even the SECOND BEST story in this match, and you're all pissy about it.

Grow a f*cking set, and just go out there and try and get the job done.
Waitaminute... I forgot you're up against me and Miles this week, so that's going to be just a little easier said than done.

If you two idiots want to tell yourself that I've been hiding behind Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy my entire career... well, if that's what lets you two f*ck ups sleep better at night... if that's what it takes to make you a little more secure about keeping those titles, then tell yourself whatever you need to to get by. Just in case you never noticed - and you've obviously been way too busy debating TV storylines to give a flying f*ck about anything else... I've been FIGHTING Dan Ryan my entire career, and except for the few short months I was busy getting various diseases from Lindsay, then you'd know we haven't gotten along very well either. But don't let reality distort your instinct for survival.

And just for the record: 1 house. 3 cars. 0 mistresses.

Just a TON of gold, and yours will make a nice addition to the collection.
You thought that everyone was scared of you two ass clowns... look at you. Sitting around talking about broken bones, ripped tendons... blah, blah, blah... fags, and being the two biggest geeks of the year all at the same time.. and we're expected to take you two seriously? YOU GUYS are the tag team CHAMPIONS of this place? OOOOOOOH, you're so scary. You're going to hurt me. You're going to make me bleed.

Haven't we heard this sh*t enough from all the other dark/gothic/monster/mysterious f*cking WANNABES as it is?

And people wonder where all the originality went. Sheesh.

Look, cum-stains... everyone ELSE might be ****ting themselves at the thought of facing you, but you'll get no such response from us. I may not LIKE the guy, but Miles has a reputation of being one of the sickest f*cks this business has ever seen. And me? Well, I just have a reputation of being GREAT. We're not scared of a couple guys that sit around their little **** hole together talking about f*cking other guys. Hey, if you go that way, that's your own business, but it's not exactly the image I'd want to project just before I'm heading into the battle of my lives.

We're NOT Rocko Daymon. We may have egos, but we're not even in the same stratosphere as Sean Stevens. We're not a couple pussies from
Circuit City.

We're not going to back down. We're not going to run away.

We're just going to BEAT you.

And we'll take your little gold belts and add them to our collections, and move on with the next day.

The result... for you... will be... most unfavorable.

(Fade out.)

 

[NotorisSTD]

and a special guest cameo by...John Stamos!

(CUTTO: Blank screen…..)

(SFX: Obnoxious midi version of “Push Push Lady Lightning” by Bang Camaro….until…)

‘click’

FELIX: Yeah…..No, I’m not cutting anymore promos for the EPW show. I already did one….Why?....Ah, boo-f(bleep)ing hoo. Yeah, y’know what I wanna do today instead of training and putting new exciting things in my face? I’m gonna go through hair and makeup so I can pretend to care about how many times Beast can state the obvious and act like an ignorant douchehat? F(bleep) that!....Yeah, yeah, sure, fine….Uh huh….Look, you get Dan Ryan on the phone, you remind him that First and myself are two of the only legit STARS EPW has, and if he’s going to get all huffy every single time I don’t show up for promotional nonsense……..Right…..Yeah, see, my whole reputation and mystique ‘n sh(bleep) is that I’m unpredictable and unreliable. Y’know. I’m like an, ah….wildcard…..right……right…….Okay, sooooo…….Say it with me….show me the money…..SHOW ME THE MONEY!!! (chuckles) Oh, fun. Seriously, though, squeeze more money out of Ryan, or I’ll f(bleep)king kill you.….

oh, really…..?.......seriously?.......f(bleep). That's not good...Could we do something about that?

(CUEUP: “Paper Planes” by M.I.A….)

(CUTTO: Felix in the studio, clearly just rolled out of bed, wearing an faded “Choking Victim” T-shirt, and black dickies and eyeliner, arms folded, grimacing like an exasperated fellow would grimace, dreads tied in a big ponytail type thing ontop of his head…)

FELIX: Y’know sumpthin….If I’m going to be woken up in the middle of a perfectly good Nyquil coma to get dragged out here to have talkee time with Mr. Camera….without any prior notice this would be happening….because f(bleep)king no one else wants to show up and fill air time, either…Fine. I’m a professional. I can hang.

But you’re getting a shoot, because, frankly, I don’t feel inspired to think up anything clever or cool sounding to say. I feel inspired to drink heavily and kick someone in the throat.

To be honest, I was only halfway paying attention when Beast got on TV, reiterated the context of his relationship with Craig Miles, talked about what a badass he thinks he is, and maybe said some other really insipid things….

But the one thing that stood out to me about that noise…was Beast’s uncanny ability to remain completely oblivious to everything outside his immediate realm of experience, which is to say, remain completely oblivious to basically everything…'cept for, maybe, TV shows.

See, Beast…..When I complain about TV, it’s not because it really bothers me all that much that Heroes isn’t as good as it was during season one, and it’s not really because I really, really, really lose my sh(bleep) if there isn’t a fresh episode of Lost on every week…I’m talking about you and Craig Miles, and by extension, EPW itself.

The only thing more boring and hackneyed than a stable of goths is the two-usually-main-event-guys-who-don’t-get-along-form-a-tag-team-ooooh-let’s-see-where-they’re-going-with this routine….The difference between us is, First and myself KNOW we’re retreading an old formula. We’re self-aware. We’re, y’know, smart. and kind of ironic. We think it’s funny. We know it doesn’t matter all that much during the process of beating people up. You, on the other hand, truly seem to believe anyone cares who you get along with, who you don't, or for that matter, how many cars you have....

You don’t think we should be talking about gay sex before the battle of our lives? Why? Does it make you uncomfortable? You, who’s very content to not…have…any…mistresses? and talk about Lindsay Troy’s (makes quote marks with fingers) “vagina” far more than any heterosexual man would be comfortable with?

C’mon everybody. I'm tired of the charade. We’ve all known forever.

Lindsay Troy’s a dude.

Furthermore, when is this battle for our lives scheduled? This is the first I’ve heard about it…

Hey, y’know what, sometimes you eat the bar, sometimes the bar eats you. Maybe you’ll win the belts. Then we’ll win them back on the next show when you and Miles have your big meltdown. Then you’ll feud and we’ll move on with title run number two. That seems to be how these things usually pan out. Tens and thousands of times. Over and over again. Because you don’t know how to do anything else because you don’t have any f(bleep)king imagination.

But this ain’t a fight for my life, Beastly one….I’m the one who kills people. If you’re too chicken sh(bleep) to cross over into anything resembling unchartered mental or spiritual territory, then you certainly aren’t going to start breaking laws.

This, of course, is the reason no guest referee is not going to matter, because I’ve never quantified referees as a factor before, and see no reason to start now…

You wanna tell yourself you’re immersed in some intriguing serialized, character driven drama? Tune in next week to find out…who could the special guest ref be?! Will Craig Miles and Beast realize their distain for each other is, in fact, a psychosexual, homophobic backlash to their unfulfilled desire to make out? Will they make out? Will they overcome their differences and newfound romantic tension to overcome those dastardly Forsaken kids?

Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! The answers to these questions are, in the order they were asked, The ref is John Stamos, yes, probably off camera, and outlook….not so hot.

(FTB)