The Press Conference

[EastPrez]

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Mar-13-02 AT 09:12 AM (EST)][See how it all began! This Press Conference is from May, 2000, when NFW was still located in Baltimore. - JN]


(FADEIN: To The Montpilliar room, Bethesda Holiday Inn, Bethesda, MD
- 10:48 am. The ballroom is buzzing with reporters, wrestling dirt-
sheet journalists, and some civilians, wearing old UWA tee-shirts,
and talking amongst themselves. The crowd paces around a nearly
devoured buffet table, a couple of grapes and muffin wrappers left
alone on the trays. Set up in the front of the room is a row of
banquet tables, and a podium set center. Behind the setup is a huge
something, covered in a blue satin sheet. The room gets antsy as a
few people look at their watches, mumbling about 'being late
already'. Suddenly, the oak double-doors bang open, and people scurry
to their seats as a pod of stone-faced men in black windbreakers that
read 'Platinum Security' walk in, double file, scanning the crowd
behind dark MIB Raybans. The last one stops next to the door, and
waits for the nod from the others, before ushering towards the open
door. The crowd gets up and claps as some familiar people walk
through the door, and some not so familiar. All the gentlemen take
seats, one seat suspiciously empty. One man stands up, looking a
little bit older since the last we saw him, yet still as arrogant -
The man stands around 6'3", with a full head of ghost white hair, and
a salt and pepper grey moustache. Befitting his white hair, is his
COMPLETELY WHITE suit - down to the handkerchief. LAMONT HOLLYWOOD
takes the podium, a few cheers and whistles from the crowd.)

H'WOOD: "Hello to all of you people out there. If you don't know who
I am, then you don't deserve to be here. (Chuckles from the audience)
My name, infamous with more ladies' bedrooms than wrestling rings -
is former tagteam wrestling great, one half of the heavilly decorated
team, the Rock n' Roll Gangsters, I am the most successful wrestler-
turned-manager in the business, and I AM YOUR BETTER - 'The Manager
to the Stars' Lamont Hollywood. And as always, it is YOUR pleasure.
(Some boos from the crowd, that H'WOOD smiles through) The last time
you people saw me, I was carrying Natrone Rice on my back as we
muddled through three hours of the last UWA card to ever see light,
MAY MAELSTROM 1998: Judgement Night. We all saw what happened at the
end of that show, and as you all know, the ship sank. And the best
have found liferafts, and rowed their boats ashore, Jonah. So thats'
why I can say when it was time to pick up the pieces, when it was
time to rebuild, some very important men did the right thing - they
called my number, and said, 'Hey Woodman, we need you to make this
thing work'. And HERE. EYE. AM. So... even though you know that this
thing SHOULD be all about me, It's not. So I'm gonna turn the mic
over to the man who can answer all your questions - The PREZ...
QUENTIN SULLIVAN." (Crowd claps respectfully as SULLIVAN stands up
and shakes H'WOODS' hand and takes the stage. The man stands around
6'2" and resembles Darius Rucker from 'Hootie and the Blowfish' - but
more polished and professional. SULLIVAN is wearing a midnight blue
Versace suit, with matching tie, fresh goatee, and a diamond in his
earlobe. SULLIVAN flashes a big smile, as he surveys the room... and
throws his arms out like Mary Tyler Moore!)

SULLIVAN: "WE... ARE... BACK!" (HUGE POP from the crowd!) Ladies and
gentlemen, let me be the first to welcome you to Maryland. This isn't
exactly Philadelphia. This is new territory, and the place where
we're gonna call home. What stands before you, is a new company...
with a new mindset. For those of you who came here today to hear me
say 'Hey, we re-opened the Ultimate Wrestling Alliance' are gonna be
upset, but not for long. Because what I have in store for the
wrestling world is fresh... it's not what you've seen every Monday
night... it's not raw, and it's not Thunderous... what we give you...
goes boldly forward! Instead of the past... we will embark... on a
new...future. A new... FRONTIER! Hit it Shmitty!"

(On cue, 'Push It' by Static X starts blaring out of the room PA, and
SULLIVAN gives the nod as the security guys rip down the satin sash
to reveal the words NEW FRONTIER WRESTLING in bold block letters on a
blue and gold background! The reporters start getting into it as
SULLIVAN barks)

SULLIVAN: "What we present to you is THE FUTURE OF PROFESSIONAL
WRESTLING! And with the team that we have assembled, it's gonna be
nothing but NET! First... let's introduce to you the broadcast team
for our first television show, cleared for a season with local WBALTO-
48! CRASH TV is the name, and here are our principals! First, you've
already met Lamont Hollywood, voted best announcer for two years
running, and set to go at the color position! (H'WOOD sneers at the
crowd, then smirks) Next - this kid has been sending me tapes of his
local cable sports show for YEARS, and finally got me in an alley and
made me listen to his demands! (laughs) and what a choice I've made!
This man knows the names of holds I can't even pronounce, and he can
call it on the fly! He knows US, Amateur, Lucha, Japan, hell, he
knows Romulan and Klingon! I believe this guy is gonna lead the way
out of 2000 and onto the future! I introduce to you, the bad man from
Beantown, Our lead announcer, KERRY O'CONNOR! (Crowd claps and
flashbulbs go off as O'CONNOR, a well built Irish guy, around 25,
blond short hair with bushy eyebrows and a devilish twinkle in his
eye smirks knowingly. A couple of the female fans in the audience
scream for him! O'CONNOR raises a hand and sits down. O'CONNOR leans
into a mic)

O'CONNOR: (In a dwindling 'Bahsten' accent) "Thanks a lot. We're
gonna KNOCK IT OUTTA THE PARK!"

SULLIVAN: "Next up, our man in the back - the man that's gonna get
the scoops when we need them - this man says that he's gonna be the
best on-the-spot reporter EVER, and if I can get him to loosen up a
bit, he will! Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce... CALVIN
CARLTON! (CARLTON stands up, looking a lot like Carlton from 'Fresh
Prince' - Black guy, wearing an Oxford blazer and striped tie, khakis
with some sort of family crest on his lapel. CARLTON gets up and does
a goofy 'white-boy dance' and then breaks into the Cabbage Patch as
H'WOOD yanks him back into his seat!)

SULLIVAN: "And the man who will run the day-to-day operations of New
Frontier Wrestling... Our Commissioner... Now this man may shock some
of you - hell - I'm sure he'll shock ALL of you! But he's the man
behind this madness, and if anything - he'll make this interesting!
Let me introduce you to YOUR COMMISSIONER... Tagteam champion many
times over in my UWA and other places... the original bad boy of
wrestling... I GIVE TO YOU... CAH-KEY... CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIG
MYYYYYYYYYLES-UH!"
(The crowd gasps as two guards hold up a paper NFW banner in front of
the door and a sillhouette comes running from behind, and CRASHES
through the paper! CRAIG MILES busts through, and the crowd doesn't
know what to do with itself! MILES, who looks like he's been
fighting, runs up the platform and takes the stand. He's got on dark
shades, wearing no shirt, an open full-length mink coat, and vinyl
pants and no shoes! MILES busts open a pack of Newports, and sparks
one up as everybody just stares at him with their mouths wide-open.
MILES looks around, the cigarette hanging off of his lip, and shrugs)

MILES: "What?"

(FADEOUT.)

 

[Manson]

Obviously, this needs to be updated.

 

[EastPrez]

I put it there for a reason.