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TEAM SuperShow IX: Merritt Cup '08


Active member
Jun 18, 2004
EDITOR'S NOTE: Apologies for the delay in getting this out. Thank you for your patience and enjoy the show!

[Fade into a shot of Mike Randalls, bloodied and smiling. Cue up Weezer, "Everybody Get Dangerous."]

JESS CHAPEL V/O: One man comes from the old school of pain.

[Cut to a shot of Randalls with the Devastator, Mk. 1 (Cloverleaf with a stake jammed in the knee) locked in on GUNS.

Fade that into a shot of Ravager, sweat dripping from his face, TEAM Challenge Championship draped across his shoulder.]

JC V/O: The other, a new breed of surgical destruction.

[Cut to a shot of Ravager with D! locked on his version of The Garrote.]

JC V/O: They cut a path of destruction through the tournament, and now, they meet for the most prestigious tournament prize in the game today...

[Fade into a shot of the Chad Merritt Trophy, then flash-cut to a montage of action:

Cut-to: RAVAGER laying chops across JONATHAN MARX's chest
Cut-to: RANDALLS with DUSK in the Santa Fe Cloverleaf
Cut-to: RAVAGER driving a knee into the face of LARRY TACT
Cut-to: RANDALLS sending CHIP FRIENDLY to the outside of the ring with a lariat]

JC V/O: With the Merritt Trophy on the line... it's time to get dangerous.

[Cut to another shot of the Merritt Trophy, exploding like shattering glass revealing the logo for TEAM SuperShow IX.

Cut to the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, GA, where over 20,000 screaming fans are cheering and waving their signs around. The camera pans around the arena before zooming in on Jess Chapel, wearing his TEAM polo shirt, and the Iron Duke, surprisingly wearing a suit.]

JC: Welcome everyone to Atlanta, GEE-AYE, home of Matt Ryan, Coca-Cola and the finals of this year's TEAM Invitational Tournament and SuperShow IX. Hello everyone, I'm Jess Chapel, and as always, here with me, the indomitable Iron Duke.

ID: Bloody right, Jesse, and let me say, if those chaps in the ring get too dangerous and I get blood on my nice suit, I'll bloody get dangerous myself there.

JC: This from a man who once tapped out to a headlock, folks.


JC: Ladies and gentlemen, the Iron Duke. Now, before we jump into the action, we have some highlights from our opening match that happened before our live telecast, and for that, let's go to Tom Holzerman in the TEAM studios here in the Phillips Center for that. Tom?

[Cut to Tom Holzerman, in his normal business suit attire behind the TEAM desk with fans screaming and mugging for the camera behind him.]

TH: Thanks Jess, and let's dive right into this extended highlight package for the TEAM Lethal Lottery Championships. James Varga and Otaku taking on the odd couple of Larry Tact and Frankie Scott.

TH V/O: I’m not sure how it happened, or what planets fell into an alignment that allowed James Varga to become a DOUBLE TEAM champion last week, but this week has been all about removing that onerous label and cleansing our blessed interfed from the “Violator!” And if anyone is well-positioned for the task, it’s the unlikely – and volatile – combination of Frankie Scott and Larry Tact!

[Cut to Otaku stepping out of the corner towards Frankie Scott.]

TH V/O: It was the enigmatic Otaku versus Scott to start the match off, and Frankie came out guns blazing, swinging big clotheslines that cut nothing but air as the 6’1” Lethal Lottery Champion ducked under twice before nailing a Russian leg sweep!

[Cut to Otaku with a jumping calf kick followed by a pin attempt.]

TH V/O: But it’s Otaku who kept the speed amped up in the opening minutes of the contest with quick offense to compensate for the fact that he just doesn’t pack a lot of power into his striking game!

[Cut to Otaku off the ropes, but Scott rises from the mat and hooks him under the arm across the neck for a swinging sambo suplex.]

TH V/O: Scott firing back and following up with a fireman’s carry that DRILLED the LL Champ into the mat!

[Cut to Varga slapping on the turnbuckle pad in the corner, yelling something unintelligible as Scott hoists Otaku up and scoop slams him onto the mat.]

TH V/O: James Varga getting frustrated with his partner as momentum began to shift in favor of the challengers…Scott slammed Otaku to the mat and tagged out to a restless Larry Tact…

[Cut to Tact springboarding over the ropes and landing a knee across the chest of Otaku, rolling it through into a standing position.]

TH V/O: AMAZING rolling knee drop over the ropes into the ring from the 6’6” 260-lb. Larry Tact! Anything aerial is a rarity from the big man, but this was an effective ring entrance, CRUSHING the chest of the LL Champion, and Varga was flipping out – watching his title reign potentially being flushed down the tubes as his partner was dismantled!

[Cut to Tact hoisting Otaku up onto his shoulder and running towards James Varga.]

TH V/O: Larry Tact almost taunting Varga outright here with a running over-the-shoulder powerslam that traverses the ring and then back to Tact and Scott’s corner before plowing Otaku into the mat!

[Cut to Tact lifting Otaku up and applying the abdominal stretch.]

TH V/O: Tact wrenching down on that abdominal stretch, and then he tried that transition into a side suplex, but Otaku finally saw an opening and kicked back, nailing the challenger in the face with his boot! That caused Tact to drop him, and Otaku literally SPRANG across the ring, slapping Varga’s hand with an outstretched arm!

[Cut to Varga charging in, swinging lefts and rights as Tact goes on the defensive.]

TH V/O: Varga was fired up to salvage his team’s chances of retaining their gold, and he put Tact in the ropes immediately with a flurry of punches and European uppercuts!

[Cut to Varga sending Tact across the ring and charging after him.]

TH V/O: The Clothesline from Wall Street managed to fell the larger competitor, Varga shaking his arm out a little from the impact, and he wisely kept the heat on, lifting Tact up and then rocking him with a brainbuster! Varga wasn’t stalling much on THAT one!

[Cut to Varga going for the pin and Tact kicking out just after the “two.”]

TH V/O: Tact trying to shake the cobwebs out here after having this match turned around on him…

[Cut to Tact taking Varga’s legs out and lifting him, exploding out into the middle of the ring with a spinebuster.]

TH V/O: And that’s one way to do it! Larry Tact spiked James Varga and bought himself precious seconds to make the tag-out back to a waiting Frankie Scott and get a little breathing room.]

[Cut to Scott with a running stomp on the back of Varga’s head.]

TH V/O: The “Violator” looked to be grounded here, at least temporarily. Scott got him up and laid him back out with a falling front slam, and Frankie looked to be getting fired up!

[Cut to Scott springing back to his feet as the crowd cheered him on.]

TH V/O: More cheers coming as the smaller of the two challengers pointed at the turnbuckle in the corner – no strange territory for Frankie Scott, to be certain!

[Cut to Scott perched on the top rope, raising his arms overhead.]

TH V/O: Frankie Scott taking flight with a beautiful top rope elbow drop…but NOBODY HOME! Varga rolled out of the way and Scott ate the mat!

[Cut to both competitors down on the mat, Scott holding his arm and Varga slowly climbing to his feet.]

TH V/O: It was a series of split-second moves that constantly altered the pace of this match-up, as Varga once again went on the offensive…

[Cut to Varga lifting Scott up, then ramming consecutive kneelifts into Scott’s midsection.]

TH V/O: Varga softened Scott up and followed those lifts with a vicious snap powerbomb!

[Cut to Varga lifting Scott off the mat.]

TH V/O: But somehow Frankie started throwing punches as Varga attempted to position him for another potential game-winning power move! Frankie was swinging elbows, Varga ducked under and hit the ropes…

[Cut to Varga leaping across the ring with a spear, hitting Scott and driving him back into an unsuspecting referee.]

TH V/O: And the ref went down! Varga’s Running Hug of Doom~! took out his opponent and the ref as well as all hell broke loose in the ring! Tact, fed up of seeing his partner getting wiped, blind-tagged his partner through the ropes who happened to be close enough, and entered the fray! No ref to make a call on that, and seeing both their opponents on the canvas, Otaku jumped in to even the score!

[Cut to Otaku intercepting Tact with a series of fists as Varga pulls Scott up.]

TH V/O: It seemed like minutes went by with no order restored…maybe there was a ref shortage backstage…either way, there was no telling who the legal man was!

[Cut to Scott attempting a standing sidekick that Varga ducked as Tact hit a swinging neckbreaker on Otaku.]

TH V/O: …but finally another referee was on the scene as the first one came to, and the most peculiar thing happened!

[Cut to Tact hitting the Starbreaker on Otaku and going for the pin. At the same time, Varga pinned Scott after the Macho Man Top Rope Elbow Drop.]

TH V/O: One referee counted Tact’s pin while SIMULTANEOUSLY the other counted Varga’s pin! There was a call for the bell as Varga and Tact sprung to their feet demanding justice, and the refs consulted in the ring…before amazing the crowd by handing one belt to Varga and the other to Tact! NEW TEAM Lethal Lottery Champions in the most unorthodox fashion possible…but then again, that’s Varga for you!

[Cut back to Holzerman at the TEAM desk.]

TH: And now, for something completely different, and to help me narrate these highlights, I've called for help from my broadcast partner, Steve Murray.
Last edited:


Active member
Jun 18, 2004
[Steve Murray takes his place at the TEAM desk.]

SM: Thanks, and let me say, the last match was proof positive that Judd Apatow movies and the Kissing Suzy Kolber blog do not have the corner on phallic humor...

TH: C'mon Steve, you can say it.

SM: Alright, dick joke. Happy?

TH: You know it, but the event we're going to be recapping right now not only made most of the folks in the arena happy, well, it was one of the most unsual events in TEAM history.

SM: That’s right, Tom. Following his defeat in the semis of the Invitational Tournament, the notorious Viking pornstar, OLVIR ARSVINNAR, gave his own invitation to the strongest as “most endowed” men of the porn world to prove himself the greatest warrior of the adult entertainment industry, challenging them to a Pornstar Battle Royal!

TH: I was told the stipulations for this rumble specified that victory could be achieved in one of two ways: Case One, the last man to survive elimination and stand alone in the ring with the Great Olvir would earn a spot alongside the lecherous Norseman in his next feature, which I’m told is under the working title “Fellatio For Freya.”

SM: And as for Case Two, the man lucky enough eliminate the nefarious Viking would inherit his vast pornographic empire, Valhalla Studios, and his accumulated wealth from his work both in the ring and in studios and hotel rooms across the nation. As a result, a resounding NINETEEN actors from the most obscure pornographic genres turned out for this match in hopes of claiming Olvir’s place on top of the porn mountain!

TH: I can only assume Jess got an earful from his wife for allowing this kind of match to take place… but nevertheless, let’s recap what went down in the ring…

[The screen behind him flashes an image of the notorious Viking OLVIR ARSVINNAR standing alone in the ring before the image superimposes itself over the entire screen. Grinning ecstatically ear-to-ear, Olvir the Butt-Dominator wows the cheering audience with a variety of Hogan poses.]

TH V/O: Naturally, the Great Olvir demanded by threat of axe to the face that he be the first man to enter the ring. Just to clarify, this is battle royal went by rumble format, as in a new competitor would enter the ring every sixty seconds.

[Cut to the next entrant coming to the ring, wearing clown face-paint and clad in a garish pinstriped and polka-dot unitard that exposes much of his absorbedly hair-covered torso. Laughing hysterically, he inflates a few balloons and proceeds to twist it into the shape of a phallus, which he giddily hands over to a traumatized young boy in the front row.]

TH V/O: The number two man happened to be the Circus Porn representative, BOINK the Pornstar Clown, whose pogo skills, so I’m told, are unmatched in the game of three-ring corn-holing.

[Cut to both men standing face to face in the ring as the bell rings. Boink opens his hand to Olvir…]

TH V/O: It looked like this showdown was going to start off respectfully as Boink offered the handshake, but unfortunately for Olvir…

[…only for the Viking to accept the handshake and immediately JERK in shock. Laughing, Boink reveals that he has a buzzer in his palm.]

TH V/O: …he forgot that you should NEVER trust a clown! Especially one that dabbles in the adult entertainment industry! Of course, Olvir isn’t very fond of jokes, and for that…

[Enraged, Olvir completely BLINDSIDES Boint with a running LARIAT from behind that sends him tumbling over the top rope!]

TH V/O: BAM!!! Clothesline to the back of the head, and the Viking got the last laugh! Listen closely to when Boink hits the floor here…

[SFX: Whoopie-Cushion!]

[Cut to a man in skin-tight camo pants with a gaudy metallic codpiece sprinting to the ring, tossing an Army hat from his head into the audience as he slides into the ring and starts going to toe-to-toe with the waiting Olvir.]

TH V/O: The Viking stood alone in the ring for another fifty seconds until entrant number three made his entrance. Straight out of Boot Camp—or Butt Camp, I should say—was MAJOR BULGE, who boasts the largest bazooka in the United States Military Forces.

[Cut to Olvir pumping Major Bulge over his head with a big smile on his face before dropping him nearly seven feet face-first onto the canvas.]

TH V/O: Bulge put up a better fight than Boink, but soon found himself overpowered by the erratic Olvir, showing this Army-boy how it’s done with a REAL Military Press!

[Cut to a medieval knight jogging to the ring as he removes his visored helmet and breastplate before sliding into the ring to join the action.]

TH V/O: Number four, hailing from the far-off kingdom of Ramalot was SIR HUMPSALOT, the royal champion in butt jousting. His coming gave the world’s leader in Military Porn a bit of assistance, however…

[Cut to Major Bulge and Sir Humpsalot whipping Olvir to the ropes. The Viking returns, narrowly DUCKING a linked double-clothesline, rebounding into his unsuspecting opponents with TWIN LARIATS of his own, sweeping them off their feet and leaving the mighty Norsemen to stand flexing his python-sized arms.]

TH V/O: …the Great Olvir was NOT about to let himself be double-penetrated!

[Cut to later in the match, now with six men in the ring brawling amongst each other. Joining the previous three appear to be a pirate, a space commando, and a guy in a toga.]

TH V/O: Things soon got out of hand as more challengers flooded the ring. Here we can see the scurvy dog ONE-EYED JOHNNY, the Roman gladiator THRUSTIMUS MAXIMUS, and straight off of Planet XXX, CAPTAIN LANCE RAMROD, and as you’d expect, every one of them wanted a piece of the OLVIR!

[Cut to Captain Lance Ramrod, in his metallic body-suit, forcing Olvir up against the ropes with the help of One-Eyed Johnny. Ramrod quickly runs to the other set of ropes and VAULTS high into the air—only for Olvir to DUCK the attack, sending the glass-helmeted spaceman tumbling over the ropes!]

TH V/O: Here’s Captain Ramrod looking to eliminate the Viking with a Flying Pelvis Press, a move he calls the RED ROCKET, but Olvir QUICKLY evaded, and the Space Commando Pornstar was instantly eliminated!

[Cut to a man resembling martial arts legend Bruce Lee running to the ring.]

TH V/O: Next up was the aptly-named LONG WANG, Master of the One-Inch Punch and the Ten-Inch Thrust…

[Cut to a Neanderthal-looking wrestler in a bear-hide covering, trudging down the aisle with a large wooden club over his shoulder.]

TH V/O: Following him was the Caveman Pornstar GOOCH, known as the Hugh Hefner of 10,000 B.C. for being the first man to draw pictures of naked women on the walls of caves. He gets ladies with that huge club of his… no, not the one you see there.

[Cut to Thrustimus Maximus holding Olvir by the arms as Long Wang, bouncing in his martial arts fighting stands, throws a flurry of lightning-fast kicks to the chest and face. Wang suddenly powers up for a killing blow when Olvir POWERS out of the hold…]

TH V/O: Long Wang, the Kung Fu Pornstar, quickly joined the cause of putting down the Viking, here getting the assist from Thrustimus Maximus. But unfortunately for Thrustimus, he couldn’t keep the unyielding strength of Olvir pinned down long enough… WHAM!! A picture-perfect BICYCLE KICK from Wang as Olvir breaks free, and THAT’S a load that the Roman Pornstar took right in the mouth!

[Cut to Olvir Arsvinnar dropping One-Eyed Johnny with a POWERSLAM!! He gets up and poses for the fans, as Gooch stalks him from behind, reeling back his enormous club. Olvir turns around, and DUCKS just as Gooch lets the club loose!]

TH V/O: Olvir continued to dominate, despite the odds being against him! Here he even has the time to show off for his adoring fans! A move that almost proves to be a mistake as the Caveman Pornstar NEARLY took his head off! But Olvir, a regular slippery devil, ROLLED out of the way at the last second, and the unfortunate Major Bulge took the entire blow to the face, effectively sending him over the ropes and OUT of the rumble!

[Cut to melee in the ring as the remaining six go at it. Everybody suddenly stops DEAD and turns to the entrance as the next competitor makes a graceful, if not effeminate, entrance. Standing a mere five feet one inch and weighing well below 170 pounds is the lithe form of an elf wrestler clad in a white leotard and bearing a long shock of silky bleach-blonde hair. Merrily, he skips to the ring.]

TH V/O: The action continued… until the less than stately appearance of this guy. From whatever enchanted fairy forest comes SMEGMOLAS, the representative of Elf Porn.

[Smegmolas removes his feathered robe as he bounces onto the apron, steps between the ropes, and pirouettes before the other six challengers. At once, the remaining pornstars LUNGE upon him…]

TH V/O: Unfortunately, the other pornstars weren’t quite keen in accepting Smegmolas as one of their own, I guess because he could have been easily mistaken for one of the female co-stars, minus the pointy ears. With six men working in unison, we can see Smegmolas flung over the ropes and clear into the FIRST ROW, back to Fairy Foo-Foo Puffinstuff land, or wherever he’s from…

[Cut to a competitor in hospital scrubs and a white coat coming down the aisle and entering the ring, quickly using the stethoscope slung over his shoulders to STRANGLE Gooch from behind!]

TH V/O: Next into the ring was DR. FEELWOOD, the nation’s most requested gynecologist. As you can see here, he didn’t just come in to play doctor, using that stethoscope to cut the life right out of the Neanderthal, Gooch.

[Cut to the next pornstar making his way to the ring, a man in a Vampire get-up, complete with cape, widow’s peak, and fangs. He steps between the ropes and promptly begins brawling with Long Wang, grabbing the fast-thrusting martial artist from behind and literally sinking his teeth into his neck.]

TH V/O: The next man to come out of the curtain was COUNT WHACKULA, the only pornstar who likes his women during that time of the month! As nasty as that may sound, it’s not quite as nasty as it was seeing him put the bite on Wang! Don’t think those teeth are real, but still, it’s like watching him try to lay a hicky on his neck!

[Cut to a caped superhero charging down the ramp with his fists thrust out before him like Superman. Heroically, he makes his entrance by scaling the turnbuckle and DIVING into the ring…]

TH V/O: A minute later, we saw the arrival of BOOTY MAN, crime-fighter and butt-banger, tapping that ass for truth, justice, and the American way! Like any superhero would, Booty Man made his spectacular entrance, FLYING through the air and laying out One-Eyed Johnny, Thrustimus, and Humpsalot in a single bound! He has a similar approach when tackling hind-quarters…

[Cut to absolute pandemonium in the ring as the colorful collection of pornstars go to battle, with doctors battling pirates, gladiators battling cavemen, knights fighting vampires, and more carnage to go around!]

TH V/O: INSANITY quickly broke out with so many varieties of competing pornstars in the ring at once, all of them vying to be named the Greatest Pornstar in Professional Wrestling! To be completely honest, I haven’t seen a war like this since Ron Jeremy and Peter North inadvertently crossed paths in the summer of ’03.

[Cut to Dr. Feelwood drilling One-Eyed Johnny with a DEVASTATING Tombstone Piledriver!]

TH V/O: Here’s Feelwood giving the swashbuckling sexpert 20 cc’s of PAIN with this Tombstone he calls the Sixty-Niner Slam!

[Cut to Gooch the Caveman hooking Long Wang from behind and dropping him with a devastating Wheelbarrow Facebuster!]

TH V/O: Bedc*ck’s resident Don Juan got his licks in as well, here hitting Long Wang with a Doggie-Style Driver!

[Cut to Count Whackula stomping away at Booty Man in the corner before running to the opposite end of the ring and charging in with a Hip Press that puts the vivacious vampire’s hind-quarters into the face of the superhero pornstar!]

TH V/O: And in this clip, Count Whackula decided to show Booty Man his OWN exceptionally pale booty with a picture perfect Salad Tosser!

[Cut to a skinny young man sulking down to the ring, wearing skin-tight jeans, a H.I.M. t-shirt, and with a mop of blue-streaked hair with bangs falling over his face. Apathetically, he rolls into the ring, only to immediately receive a headbutt from Thrustimus Maximus which sends the scrawny competitor bouncing into the other pornstars like a pinball, being knocked every which way by errant blows.]

TH V/O: Around this time, the Number Fourteen pornstar to slip into the ring came in the form of AIDEN BROWNEYE, the feature star in the budding genre of Emo Porn! Aiden’s unique, I hear, in that he doesn’t actually do any of the chicks in his feature films, but rather sits in the corner and cries like a little girl. Must be that crappy music he listens to, I dunno. That “shot” to the head of Maximus was about all the poor guy got in offensive-wise for the entire rumble.

[Cut to the Greatness that is OLVIR whipping Sir Humpsalot into the ropes and CRUSHING HIM with the Mjolnir Blow!]

TH V/O: And yet, out of all the craziness going on, ONE MAN stood tall among the rest! OLVIR ARSVINNAR dominated the competition whenever and wherever there was someone to step up to his almighty pectorals! BAM!! Humpsalot takes a shot to the face in ways he hasn’t felt since his early days in the guy-on-guy division of his business with that powerful Mjolnir Blow!

[Cut to Olvir putting Count Whackula to the mat with a big boot, followed by a BODY SPLASH!]

TH V/O: Here’s a shot of the horny-helmeted Viking nearly knocking Whackula’s pointed teeth down his throat with that big boot to the face… followed up with a BERZERKER SPLASH that would make even Jim Hellwig turn green with envy back home at Parts Unknown, Arizona…

[Cut to Olvir setting up Dr. Feelwood for a powerbomb when Aiden Browneye is inadvertently kicked into him. Tossing the scrub-wearing man-b*tch aside, Olvir STUNS the emo pornstar with a hard shot to the face, quickly setting him up into a Pumphandle Michinoku Driver!]

TH V/O: As fate would have it, the most ineffective competitor in the form of Aiden Browneye found himself as the unlucky subject of Olvir’s newly unveiled finisher, the BERZERKER BOMB!! Arsvinnar nearly BURIED the poor bastard’s head into the mat, and Browneye spent the rest of this rumble as little more than a rug needing to be taken to cleaners…

[Cut to One-Eyed Johnny and Long Wang trading blows near the ropes… when a pompously guffawing OLVIR charges into them, sending both men over the ropes with twin lariats!]

TH V/O: From that point on, Olvir felt the need to clean house! He quickly went to work, here sending One-Eyed Johnny to walk the proverbial plank, as so many women do in his own swashbuckling features, and kung fu master Long Wang joins him, EXIT the Dragon!

[Cut to Olvir pumping Booty Man into the air and sending him soaring over the ropes and to the outside!]

TH V/O: From there, he gave Booty Man some extra flying lessons! Thrusts faster than a speeding bullet, and harder than a locomotive, but he meets his Kryptonite in the form of a raging Norseman!

[Cut to the marauding Viking lifting Gooch onto his shoulders and POWERBOMBING him over the ropes!]

TH V/O: Gooch was the next to go, here being POWERBOMBED to the outside!! That looked like it knocked him back into the Jur-ASS-ic Period!

[Cut to Sir Humpsalot, Dr. Feelwood, and Count Whackula all ganging up on Olvir, attacking him at all sides. Whackula leaps onto his back, trying to sink his fangs in, as Feelwood restricts the Viking’s arms, allowing Humpsalot to come off the ropes with a charging Superman Punch to the chest! However, rather than hurting its intended target, Humpsalot suddenly recoils, clutching his fist in pain!]

TH V/O: Getting the idea, the other competitors decided to pitch in and remove the biggest threat from the ring, and the GANGBANG commences! Here’s Sir Humpsalot landing his JOUSTING SPEAR on Olvir… but NOTHING’S gonna damage those rock-hard pecs of his! The Viking finally decided he’s had ENOUGH of this sausage fest!

[In an amazing feat of strength, Olvir pries the vampire off his neck and effortlessly TOSSES HIM over his shoulder and into the other two! All three men are sent TUMBLING over the ropes as they violently collide! Olvir stands dominant, ROARING to the cheering audience!]

TH V/O: Even with all his powers at night, Whackula got TOSSED like a ragdoll, and just like that, Olvir eliminated THREE pornstars from this rumble! The crowd was completely behind him, and all that was left at this point was the toga-wearing party animal and the wrist-slashing emo kid who’d been lying on the mat this entire time. Unfortunately, it was downhill from there for even the Great Olvir…

[Cut to the next man stepping through the curtain, a barrel-chested wiseguy who could’ve come straight out of a Soprano’s episode.]

TH V/O: Out next was BIG PETEY from Jersey, who also happens to be a second cousin of our own reporter Joey Baggadonuts! A real stand-up guy, says Joey! Course, other than being the founder of a legitimate business, Petey plows the ladies like he busts knee caps—ALWAYS has ‘em screaming!

[Big Petey slips into the ring as Olvir is choking the life out of Thrustimus Maximus, pulling a foreign object out of his pants and STRIKING the Viking across the back of his head!]

TH V/O: Petey came to the aid of Thrustimus right away by whipping out his billy club—no, his other billy club—and giving Olvir a decisive whack across the back of the head… which Arsvinnar typically no-sold! But Petey wouldn’t be deterred that easily…

[Cut to another large man in denim overalls and a tacky straw hat running down the aisle and joining the action, quickly hopping on the side of Thrustimus Maximus and Big Petey to gain an advantage in numbers on Olvir.]

TH V/O: Out next to join the fun was COOTER BOB MCPOONFIELD, fresh off a roll in the hay backstage! After a good ho-down, Cooter Bob likes to go down on his hos!

[Cut to Thrustimus hooking both of Olvir’s arms from behind as McPoonfield viciously chops away at his nearly indestructible pectorals. The Viking takes every shot with a manly roar showing their ineffectiveness, until Big Petey comes off the top rope with a MONGOL CHOP that successfully puts the Butt-Dominator on the mat!]

TH V/O: The numbers game coming into play here! Cooter Bob tried to make that piggy SQUEAL, but Olvir’s more like a raging bull! So then came Big Petey off the top rope with the WHACK JOB, and successfully put the Viking to the mat!

[Cut to the next entrant, clad black studded biker gear, accentuated with a pair of leather assless chaps.]

TH V/O: To make matters worse for the Viking, next out was FAT HOG, a prestigious member of the Daisy Chain Gang! He rode his Harley on the way to the event, but what most people don’t realize is Harley’s a woman! ZING!!

[Cut to all four men in the ring, stomping away at Olvir. They lift him up for Fat Hog to get in some shots with a heavy metal chain he brought with him to the ring.]

TH V/O: But Fat Hog came packing more than just an 80’s Scott Hall pornstache! He managed to bring in his favorite chain to put some serious WELTS into the Viking’s back!

[Cut to the next man coming down the aisle, dressed head to toe in violet ninja regalia.]

TH V/O: Next out, from the mysterious East, was THE PURPLE SNAKE, master of ninjitsu and stealth porn! This guy has the ability to do any woman he wants without her even knowing he’s in the room! He’s also a master in five different touches of death and seven different touches of pleasure!

[Cut to Cooter Bob and Thrustimus holding Olvir at his feet while the Purple Snake lowers his silk mask and douses the Viking’s face with a cloud of poison mist!]

TH V/O: Careful around this guy, cause this is the kind of Purple Snake that SPITS IN YOUR FACE!! He specifically demanded Olvir be restrained while he did that, cause that’s how he likes his women, I hear…

[Cut to an Arabian competitor dashing to the ring, complete with a turban and parachute pants.]

TH V/O: Nineteen down and one more to go, and coming to the ring here is ALI BOOBA, the star of “1,001 Hot and Steamy Arabian Nights!” Done munching on the flying carpet for now as he comes into the ring and joins in on the massacre on Olvir!

[Cut to another shot of Olvir restrained by two men as Ali Booba comes in for a strike, instead getting a BOOT to the face that knocks him away! The other competitors respond in kind by beating Olvir to the mat with a barrage of punches and kicks from all sides.]

TH V/O: OOH!! Booba’s gonna need to rub one off on his magic lamp and wish the PAIN out of that one when he wakes up tomorrow! Even so, Olvir suffered the consequences!

[Cut to Cooter Bob McPoonfield sizing Olvir up and DROPPING him with a massive right-handed haymaker!]

TH V/O: Good ol’ boy Cooter Bob might be the only man in that ring accustomed to doing a feature with his SISTER, but JUST LOOK at that vicious right hand! I hear he calls it “Tellin’ Her The First Time!”

[Cut to Olvir seated on the top rope, beaten and wearied and unable to defend himself further, set on the turnbuckle with the help of the other competitors. The Purple Snake hooks his arms and sends him CRASHING to the mat with a Crucifix Powerbomb!]

TH V/O: Olvir was progressively looking worse and worse as his opponents keep putting the boots to him, HEAVY style! Here’s the Purple Snake landing his patented BUKAKKE-BOMB!! Nobody’s EVER seen a Viking fly that far!

[Cut to Big Petey holding the half-dead Aiden Browneye by the legs and using him as a club to drop the Viking to the mat once again as he forces himself up. The remaining competitors surround him like vultures at laugh at his struggle to continue fighting.]

TH V/O: Things continued to look bleak for the Viking Pornstar! I almost forgot that Aiden Browneye was in this match, but Big Petey made some use out of him! I’m sure his JUNK weighs more than that kid! In any case, it was enough to send Olvir on the mat again!

[Cut to four of the rival competitors working in unison, trying to force Olvir over the top rope. In a last ditch attempt to save himself, the Viking forcibly SHAKES them off, but they’re on him again almost instantly, lifting his legs off the mat as Arsvinnar grips onto the bottom rope and strains against their power.]

TH V/O: Olvir was on the VERGE of being eliminated from his own invitational battle royal! And then… the absolute UNTHINKABLE happened! Entrant Number Twenty made his appearance, and effectively his RETURN to professional wrestling!!

[The audience suddenly POPS WILDLY as the opening “Bat Country” by Avenged Sevenfold hits the PA, and appearing from the entrance, peeking under the brim of a ten-gallon cowboy hat, is a smirking “COWBOY” JAMES DONOVAN!]

TH V/O: It’s “THE COWBOY” JAMES DONOVAN, former champion of Las Vegas Wrestling where his Viking contemporary got his start in the wrestling industry! You didn’t think we’d have a pornstar battle royal without a Wild West representative, did you?

[Cut to Donovan bolting into the ring and quickly meeting Big Petey, the Purple Snake, and Fat Hog with sequential clothesline, getting the audience COMPLETELY fired up!]

TH V/O: Donovan, the Sooner State Sexaholic, COMPLETELY laid waste to the competition! The fresh man out of the back, he took out Petey, Snake, and Hog almost effortlessly!

[Cut to Donovan landing a standing dropkick on Cooter Bob McPoonfield, causing him to tumble over the ropes to the outside!]

TH V/O: There’s the dropkick—also known as a “Flying Leg Kick,” if your name is Randy Rosenbloom—that effectively sent Cooter Bob back to the trailer park!

[Cut to Donovan charging into Fat Hog with a jumping lariat, sending yet another competitor over the ropes to the outside. On the other side of the ring, Olvir is finally beginning to fight back on those that were moments ago dominating him.]

TH V/O: BANG!! “The Cowboy” rustled up another one, sending Fat Hog back to the long, unforgiving road! That was for ALTAMONT, you pagan bastard!

[Cut to the Purple Snake sinking a nerve pinch into the neck of Olvir Arsvinnar. Donovan quickly comes to the assist with an axe-handle smash across the back of the violet ninja! Stunned, Olvir manhandles the smaller opponent as Donovan runs into the ropes…and the Viking stalls a Flapjack as Donovan returns with a CUTTER!!]

TH V/O: And then, in an AMAZING scene to witness, the former LVW rivals began working together, here simply DESTROYING the Purple Snake with a Deadly Death Drop!

[Cut to James Donovan railing Big Petey with a HARD chop to the chest before whipping him at Olvir, waiting by the rope. The Viking proceeds to toss Petey out of the ring with a Back Body Drop!]

TH V/O: More tandem action took place as seen here, and there’s one less wise guy in the world to worry about as Big Petey is “taken to the cleaners.”

[Cut to Donovan scooping Ali Booba onto his shoulder, running the length of the ring, and BLASTING HIM with the Oklahoma Stampede. Olvir promptly peels his lifeless form from the mat and effortlessly TOSSES him out of the ring!]

TH V/O: James Donovan was nothing less than an absolute house on fire, and EVERYONE was amazed to see these two rivals in the ring and in the studio uncharacteristically working together! Nevertheless, here we can see Donovan hitting Ali Booba with the OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE!! Olvir made the elimination right away, and the powerhouse duo continued to dominate the ring!

[Cut to the Purple Snake and Thrustimus Maximus making a final stand, with all four men battling in the center ring. Meanwhile, lying lifeless in the corner is Aiden Browneye.]

TH V/O: It all came down to the Purple Snake and Thrustimus Maximus to take down this unstoppable pairing of pornstar powers! In a rare moment, the entire audience was granted to a scene of AWESOMENESS as they bore witness to a battle including Vikings, Cowboys, Ninjas, and Gladiators! OH MY!!

[Thrustimus abruptly catches Donovan with a boot to the gut, quickly going for the waistlock and lifting him for a POWERBOMB, while taking him to the ropes!]

TH V/O: Then, in an absolutely SCARY moment, Thrustimus Maximus looked to eliminate Donovan from the contest with a Powerbomb he calls “WHEN IN ROME”… but “The Cowboy” has a few tricks up his sleeve!

[At the last moment, Donovan hooks his arms through the second and third rope, dragging Maximus to the OUTSIDE with a hurricanrana over the ropes!]

TH V/O: The sudden REVERSAL from James Donovan saves him from elimination, and Thrustimus Maximus is sent to the showers, err… public bath!

[Cut to the Purple Snake forcing Olvir to his knees with a hard kick to his legs. The Purple Snake runs into the ropes…]

TH V/O: The Purple Snake, however, was NOT going flaccid so easily! Here he comes off the ropes looking for a variation of the Shining Wizard called the SPITTING LIZARD!! But Olvir had OTHER ideas!

[At the last moment, the Viking reaches over and takes the lifeless arm of Aiden Browneye, yanking him off of the mat and in the path of the charging ninja! The Purple Snake tries in vain to put on the brakes, but instead violently crashes into the 90-pound guy with eyeliner and lip piercings.]

TH V/O: HE MAKES USE out of the BROWNEYE, as the “Butt-Dominator” is KNOWN to do! Never has anyone seen a Purple Snake ram itself into a Browneye with that kind of velocity since… well, nevermind.

[Cut to the Purple Snake and Aiden Browneye picking themselves up off the mat near the ropes… only to be STAMPEDED by James Donovan and Olvir Arsvinnar, who simultaneous DUMP them to the outside.]

TH V/O: And before you know it, IT’S ALL OVER!! Purple Snake and Aiden Browneye go over the ropes, and the last man standing in the ring with the HOST of the invitational rumble is none other that “The Cowboy” JAMES DONOVAN!

[Amid a wildly cheering audience, Arsvinnar and Donovan shake hands as a show of respect, and begin a series of suggestive and crotch-dampening poses for their female adorers in the crowd.]

TH V/O: In being the man to have the honor of surviving along with Olvir, Donovan has earned his place in “The Butt-Dominator’s” next feature! I guess we can all look forward to an interesting and not to mention UNIQUE film that includes some Cowboy-Viking hijinks!

[Back to Tom and Steve in the EPICENTER.]

SM: I know I’M looking forward to it!

[Steve grins to the camera, earning an odd look from Holzerman.]

TH: Viking ships rolling through the Oklahoma plain? Raping and pillaging the Wild West? One can only imagine where these two go from here.

SM: In any case, the action continues as Supershow IX continues! So let's swing it back down to Jess and the Duke for some live action...


Active member
Jun 18, 2004
JC: Thanks Steve, and let's go to the ring for our FREE FOR ALL~! Championship battle royale. Tonight our affair is a four-way battle between four relative newcomers to TEAM.

ID: I’m putting my money on the champ here Jess. People either love him, hate him, or in Legion’s case, you want to end him.

JC: Varga comes into this match STILL a double champion, and knocked off Menace and Atken in the FFA at Supershow VIII in the process. Now they want their revenge. Menace seemed more than a little embarrassed in losing to Varga this week. He made that pretty clear during the promotional period before the match.

ID: Even when Varga proves that he’s the better man he still can’t get any respect. The man has “Legions” of men gunning for him, signs of the bloody Apocalypse everywhere he goes, and a career spanning thirty-seven title reigns. Still, he said himself that his reputation is a running joke in some wrestling circles. Will retaining one of his two titles in TEAM start him down a path of garnering the respect he deserves?

JC: I don’t know Duke. I don’t think anyone can answer that. People are entitled to their opinions.

Since this is a four-way free for all we’ll have all four wrestlers begin the match in the ring. Let’s go to the sweet, melodic reverberations that emanate from our own Marvin Darling.

[Cue up Prelude 12/21 intro into “Pet” by A Perfect Circle.]

MD: …. Hailing from Manchester, England ….

ID: Legion’s an English bloke? I had no idea…

[Legion is staring at the ring with ‘Sickness’ by his side carrying the briefcase filled with various weapons.]

MD: Weighing in at 225 pounds and standing five feet ten inches tall…. He’s th’ Devil’s Reject…. LLEEEEEGGGGIIOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!

ID: I like him better already Jess.

JC: Long live the Queen, eh Duke?

ID: My money’s on this bugger now. I think I’ll call my bookie and….

[The Iron Duke pulls out his cell phone before Jess snatches it.]

JC: You know I can’t let you do that Duke. You don’t want to go down that road again.

ID: Bloody HELL…..

JC: Here comes Phil Atken. Phil told me he can’t wait until tomorrow because he gets better looking every day.

ID: Got a bit of an infatuation with himself does he?

JC: Atken’s never been much of a technical wrestler, but he makes up for it with his heinousness. Phil lost the FFA title to Varga at Supershow VIII and it seems he’s looking for payback too.

ID: Obviously I’m rooting for the Brit in this one, but I won’t lose sleep if Varga or Atken win. Both have a flair less than admirable antics. I think you’re going to love this one Jess.

JC: Not likely Duke. I’m not much of a fan of the shadier side of wrestling. A good clean bout is more my cup of tea.

MD: …. Surviving the pits of New York, New York….

[Cue up “******* in the Bushes” by Oasis as he struts down to the ring, threatening to backhand any fan he chooses.]

JC: This guy is the definition of pompous.

MD: Standing six feet one inch tall and a form-fitting 213 pounds…. YOURRR Ennnntertainment Saaaaaviorrrrrrr…….. PHILLLLLL AAAAATTTKENNNNNNN!!!!!!

[Atken steps inside the ring and has a staring contest with Legion.]

JC: Menace is our next competitor. He has yet to notify TEAM of his entrance music or even his height and weight for that matter.

MD:…. Our next competitor… from parts unknown… height and weight unknown…. Nickname unknown….. MEEEENNNNNAAAACCCCEEE!!!

JC: Menace was well-spoken and aggressive during the promotional period of this show. He seems to be mentally prepared for this one.

ID: He’s so focused he forgot to get his height and weight recorded.

JC: And here comes Varga. He knocked out both Menace and Atken himself last time these guys met under similar circumstances. He certainly has a history with Legion as well. I think it’s safe to say Varga is a marked man tonight.
ID: Not for long. Legion has his number. He’ll show these Westerners why we hail from the crown jewel of Europe.

JC: I thought you were on the Varga bandwagon Duke.

ID: Legion all the way Jess.

JC: Whatever.

MD: …. From Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada…..

[Cue up “Be Quiet and Drive (So Far Away)” by Deftones. Varga flashes the Crucifix signs several times on the way to the ring. He receives a mixed reaction.]

MD: At 235 pounds and 6’1” inches….. The Viiiiolatorrrr… JAAAMMMESSSS VAAARRRRRRGAAAA!!!

JC: All three of Varga’s enemies are staring daggers into the champion. He’s definitely the hunted in this one. They square off as referee Monet Samuel signals for the bell.

[SFX: Bell rings.]

JC: And immediately all three challengers attack the champion. Varga is cornered and bombarded by stomps and punches to the face and midsection. This is brutal. How in the world is Varga going to survive this?

ID: He’s stepped on one too many toes on his way to the FFA Title Jess. The first part of this war has turned into a handicapped match.

JC: Varga can’t even move right now. He’s being stomped into the bottom of the turnbuckle and holding on for dear life…. Menace just shoved Legion to get closer to Varga. Legion looks pissed! He retaliates with a clothesline, blindsiding Menace.

ID: He should’ve seen that coming. You don’t show up a Brit like that.

JC: Legion and Menace are exchanging blows. This gives Varga some breathing room.

[Atkens picks up Varga.]

JC: Menace gains the advantage on Legion and grapples him, executing a Snap Suplex. Meanwhile Atken has Varga up against the top rope, pushing him over while he hangs on with one hand.

ID: Varga is dazed and hanging on for dear life…

JC: Varga is almost over… THERE HE GOES! Varga is over the top rope! He falls on the apron! Varga comes inches away from elimination, but lands on the outside apron and rolls back into the ring. Atken is stomping Varga and trying to push him out. He gives up and allows just enough room for Varga to escape.

[Atken picks up Varga.]

JC: Menace has Legion in an armbar as he yells in pain. Atken meanwhile chop blocks Varga into the corner. Varga counters and punches Atken back. He gains just enough advantage to smash Atken with an elbow strike to the throat. The fans cheer on Varga’s courage until he rakes the eyes of Atken.

ID: All these men will do whatever it takes to win. Cheap shot after cheap shot in this one.

JC: Not my brand of wrestling, but it’s the nature of the beast, Duke. Legion just reached the ropes and Menace is forced to release the armbar. Legion gets up on one knee and low blow’s Menace as he keels over in pain. Legion takes the opportunity to pick up Menace.

[Fans: WHOOO!]

JC: Chop block by Legion.

[Fans: WHOOO!]

JC: Chop block by Legion.

[Fans: WHOOO!]

JC: Chop block by Legion, and Menace is up against the ropes! Legion grabs Menace by the neck and attempts to force Menace over the top with brute force. Menace counters with a knee to the groin on Legion. That gives him just enough room to clothesline Legion to the mat. Menace with an armbar again on Legion.

ID: Menace seems to have a game plan here Jess. He’s trying to take out Legion’s arm, making it easier to prevent resistance if he tries to force Legion over the top rope.

JC: Varga has been overpowering the pretty boy Atken in the center of the ring. He executes a flawless DDT, leaving Atken on the mat. Varga chokes Atken while he’s on the ground and Atken’s legs are flailing wildly. One of his legs comes up far enough to kick Varga in the head, and he gets to his feet. Varga and Atken square off and Atken’s speed allows him a chance to grapple his opponent. Atken gets a hanging vertical Suplex as the fans look on approvingly. Varga hits the mat hard right next to Menace and Legion.

ID: Atken has a menacing look on his face Chapel, pun intended.


JC: Phil just missile dropkicked Menace in the face! Menace goes sprawling through the middle rope and outside the ring.

ID: He didn’t go over the top rope. He’s still in contention here.

JC: WHOA!!! Atken just bounced off the far ropes and though the middle rope. Suicide Dive though the middle rope onto Menace by Your Entertainment Savior!

ID: Very impressive.

JC: And that leaves Legion and Varga in the ring together. This is just what James wants! The two exchange blows and its clear Legion is favoring his right arm. Varga with a double underhook Suplex. He drops knees on Legion’s weak arm….

ID: Legion has Varga right where he wants him.

JC: I beg to differ Duke. Varga picks up a weary Legion… Meanwhile Atken has Menace in a sleeper hold on the outside… Varga bounces off the ropes… The Running Hug of Doom~! That’s James’ trademark move!

ID: Dammit Legion! Fight back!

JC: Legion is slow to get up on one arm. Varga is just waiting in the wings and Legion is right next to the ropes! SUPERKICK OVER THE TOP! Varga Superkicked Legion over the top rope and out of contention for the title!

[Legion is eliminated.]


JC: That’s some sweet revenge for Varga. Legion’s been pestering him for months now.

ID: That’s 500 pounds down the drain dammit!

JC: I have your phone Duke. You couldn’t have made that bet.

ID: I two-wayed my bookie.

JC: They still have those?

ID: Two-ways or bookies?
JC: Take a guess.

ID: In England they do.

JC: Outside Menace is practically unconscious as Atken refuses to release the sleeper hold he’s applied. As is typical of Varga, he’s hiding out of sight rather than confronting his foes. The fans boo while Legion throws a fit outside the ring. He taunts Varga, who just grins mischievously. After a few moments, Legion runs around the ring and signals Atken. Atken sees Varga hiding outside the ring and makes a bee-line for the champion. James and Phil slide in the ring simultaneously, but the faster Varga gets to his feet first… Another Running Hug of DOOM~! Varga parlays the maneuver into a mount over Atken and pounds him with rights and lefts.

ID: I’ve gotta find a cheaper hotel now!

JC: Duke, there’s a match going on. Focus on that later.

ID: Who cares? Legion lost! The Queen has been shamed!

JC: Legion slaps Menace awake, and he retaliates by shoving Legion off him. Legion immediately points to the ring and Menace slides in. Varga isn’t looking as Menace kicks him right in the jaw. Menace pounces on James with rights and lefts. Atken gets up and sees the two men fighting. He gets Menace’s attention, and the two team up on Varga.

ID: The champ is screwed now. We saw what happened when it was three-on-one. He won’t fare much better here.

JC: I wouldn’t underestimate Varga. He killed a rabid dog during his promo period.

ID: Right…

JC: Here come the power moves. Menace and Atken team up to land a vertical Suplex on Varga. Phil picks James up and powerbombs him with the assistance of Menace. Menace picks up Varga this time and James fights back, but to no avail. A clothesline from behind by Atken leaves Varga in the clutches of Menace, who lands a piledriver.

ID: This is getting brutal.

JC: At least its clean wrestling…

ID: Legion’s getting a kick out of this outside the ring. Look at him… the poof. Doesn’t he know how much money those odds would’ve made had he won?

JC: Atken picks up a weary Varga. Menace bounces off the ropes for added power. Atken steps to the side… this looks to be it for the champ…. NO! Menace clotheslines Phil over the top rope! He betrayed Atken and sent him flying!

[Phil Atken is eliminated.]

ID: Now that’s smart wrestling. Gain the trust of your “ally” and then strike at the perfect moment.

JC: Some might call it smart. Some might call it underhanded. Either way Atken is watching from the sidelines and Varga still has a shred of hope left. Menace grabs the champ without hesitation. He whips him off the ropes and executes an Atomic Drop on the way back. Varga is in the fetal position as Menace taunts the fans. They react in a mixed manner to the double-cross and resulting situation.

ID: I’ll take brains over heart any day. This has been a war of strategy more than attrition.

JC: Menace looks to be signaling for the end. He picks up a wasted Varga and whips him into the turnbuckle.


JC: Knife-edge chop by Menace.


JC: Knife-edge chop by Menace.


JC: Knife-edge chop by Menace. He’s looking to put away the champ once and for all here. It looks like Menace will get his revenge after a humiliating defeat by Varga after all. He sits James on the top turnbuckle. He climbs around the side of the turnbuckle and applies a reverse headlock. Menace is going to execute an inverted vertical Suplex to the outside.

ID: That’s a bloody gorgeous way to end a scrap if I do say so myself.

JC: Varga fights back! This is the first signs of life we’ve seen from Varga in some time. He’s elbowing Menace in the face, and Menace is flailing… Menace FELL! He’s OUT! WAIT! Menace is holding on by one hand. His feet are almost touching the mat. He gets one foot on the apron for stability. All hopes of a flashy ending are out the window now. Menace grabs Varga by the head and is pulling him down. Varga loses his grip… THEY’RE BOTH DOWN! It’s a double elimination! NO! Menace is still holding onto the turnbuckle! He never touched the ground. Menace wins! He have a new champion!

[Varga is eliminated.]

ID: Well that was some finish.

JC: Menace fought a dirty, but smart fight to pick up the win and the TEAM FFA~ championship.

ID: Brilliant, but bloody awful.

JC: Awful for your savings account.

ID: They have those?

MD: Ladies and gentlemen… Your winnaaahhh and newwww Free For Alllll Champion…. MMMMMMENACE!!!!!!!

JC: There you have it folks. If you’re going to hold a title anyone can compete for at any time, make sure you don’t have many enemies. We'll be back after this short message.

[Cut to a promo for the upcoming TOURNAMENT of CHAMPIONS!]


Active member
Jun 18, 2004
[Fade back to the announce table.]

JC: The ToC... and speaking of that, I'm getting word that someone wants to talk about said Tournament...

ID: It had better not be bloody Varga...

JC: Relax Duke, it's Troy Douglas!

ID: Not much better.

JC: Yeah right Duke. I think the capacity crowd here would beg to differ. Now before Duke can get a retort in, here's Douglas!

[CUT-TO: Backstage at Phillips Arena, where 2008 TIT Semifinalist Troy Douglas stands at the interview set. The crowd immediately responds to the man whom they gave a standing ovation to at SuperShow VIII]


[Troy, who is wearing a SS IX t-shirt, smiles to acknowledge the cheers, then looks down to acknowledge a table set up in front of him, which has three title belts on top of it.

The PRIME Intense Title.

The A1E Cyber Title.

The EPW Intercontinental Title.

The shot widens to show both Troy and the belts, and Douglas smiles again before refocusing himself on the camera.]

DOUGLAS: Obviously, this isn't the situation I'd prefer to be here in.


DOUGLAS: Thank you, folks, thank you. But, I'm man enough to admit when a better man beat me, and that's what happened in the Final Four. Mike Randalls was the better man, and I wish him the best of luck in the finals tonight.

Don't get me wrong, I'd die to be in his place tonight, and I'd love another shot, but folks, that's the great thing about TEAM.

There's never a shortage of opportunities.

[With that, the camera zooms in on the three title belts, while Troy crouches down to point at each of them in turn.]

DOUGLAS: You see, 2008 hasn't just been the best year of my career here in TEAM. As a lot of you know, I've been plying my trade in some of the hottest companies around the world, and I've had my fair share of success.

Empire Pro, PRIME and Aye One Ee. I wrestle in them all, and it just so happens I hold a title in each company. I've worked my ass off for eight years, and now, after a long, long time, I've earned the right to be called CHAMPION.

And, well, this being TEAM and all, and with the Invitational about to conclude it's third edition, that means there's a brand-new party right on the horizon. And as far as I can see it, I've got three little things that allow me to send in the ol' RSVP.




[The crowd ERUPTS at the mention of the annual event.]

DOUGLAS: That's right, folks. The 2008 TEAM Tournament of Champions. The most exclusive field in all of professional wrestling. Only champions need apply.

The best wrestlers in the world, the best CHAMPIONS in the world, all gathered together in a one-night tournament. It's the ultimate test of endurance, of skill, of stamina, of talent...

In short, it's the ultimate test of a champion, and at the end, the last man standing hoists the Harvard Avalon Trophy high above his head. And now that I've finally got the necessary admission fee...

Let me be the first of OFFICIALLY throw my hat in the ring.

[The crowd had been waiting for it, but when he finally gets to the point, 20,000-strong in Atlanta officially go bonkers.]


DOUGLAS: Consider me entrant number one, folks. I'm patiently waiting for anyone else willing to step up, represent their company and try and prove that they're the best in the world.

Just know that if you want to, you're going to have to go through me. And I'm sure that Mike Randalls, Dan Ryan, Showtyme, Simply Beautiful, Fusenshoff and the countless men I've gotten in the ring with around the world can tell you that's no easy task.

I came THIS CLOSE to grasping the Merritt Trophy, only to get sent home one inch from the finish line. There's no way I'm letting another chance at glory slip through my fingers.

Anyone who wants in, come and give it a try.

I'll see y'all at the end of the road.


[Fade to a 2008 TEAM Invitational video recap montage.]


Active member
Jun 18, 2004
[Cut back to the ring and the announce table.]

JC: Troy Douglas, certainly a fan favorite and one of TEAM's true originals. I have to say, he's putting together quite the resumé, and will be a force to be reckoned with in the ToC.

ID: That much could be true, but that still doesn't mean I give a bloody crap about what he has to say.

JC: You're in the minority there, Duke. Anyway, it's time to determine just who will defend the Championship of Champions against either Mike Randalls or Ravager after tonight, and this one has the potential to be something special, kids.

ID: A stoner and a Commie Emo. I'm almost too conflicted to advise my, er, uncle on his wagering ventures.

JC: That would be a first.

ID: I said almost, Chapel. Bloody Americans never listen.

JC: It's time to put the CoC belt on the line, folks. The Champion, the Risen Star Nova, perhaps the hottest property in this business today defends against one of his stiffest challenges yet. Devin Shakur is one of the most brutal, vicious knockout strikers in wrestling history, and by the way, he just happens to be PRIME's Universal Champion, a title that the Risen Star held for quite a long time himself. So, why waste time? Let's find out who deserves to leave Atlanta with the moniker "Champion of Champions". To Marvin Darling for our official introductions!

MD: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL with a sixty minute time limit, and it is for the TEAM Championship of Champions! Introducing first, the challenger...

[CUE UP: "Black Hole Sun" by Peter Frampton as the Man in Black, the Commie Emo, the PRIME Universal Champion Devin Shakur walks out onto the ramp, soaking in the boos of the crowd. Shakur, his Universal Title held over his right shoulder, takes a few steps and holds both arms up in the air defiantly, cueing a deafening display of red and black pyro. After the various and sundry loud explosions are finished, Shakur slowly makes his way to the ring.]

MD: Standing six feet, two inches tall, he weighed in at 219 pounds. Hailing from Raleigh, North Carolina, he is the Commie Emo, he is the reigning PRIME Universal Champion ... he is DEEEEVVVIIIIIIIIINNN SHAAAAAAAAAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRR!!!!!

[Shakur stands in the corner, cracking his knuckles, before he paces back and forth for a while, waiting for his opponent. After a moment, the lights in the arena go to black, and the signature stormy sky appears on the gigantic video screen atop the ramp.]

VOICE: Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time…for y’all have knocked her up. I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe; but I was not offended, for I knew I had to rise above it all…or drown in my own ****.

[CUE UP: "Maggot Brain (Live '71)" by Funkadelic as the stormy sky on the screen fades to a field of stars. One star shoots across the screen, and the galaxy comes together to form the word "NOVA" before the spotlight hits the top of the entrance ramp, where the Champion of Champions kneels, his right arm in the air and a cigarette in his mouth. After a moment, the Risen Star stands up and strides down to the ring, taking in cheers from the Atlanta crowd.]

MD: He stands six feet, three inches tall and weighed in at 256 pounds. He hails The very center of the earth's core, in the heart of the Chronic! The P. Funk! THE BOMB! Ladies and gentlemen, the NFW World Heavyweight Champion, the REIGNING and DEFENDING TEAM Champion of Champions ... THE RISEN STAR ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

[The two veterans stare each other down, and referee Mike Rome takes the belt from Nova, holding it high and presenting it on all four sides of the ring. He hands the belt to Darling, who moves to the timekeeper's table, and Rome signals for the bell.]

JC: Here we go ... Shakur flies right in with a flying knee -- no! The Risen Star swats him away, but Shakur comes right back with a slap to the face!

ID: At least someone in this bloody country finally obeys proper dueling technique.

JC: Huh?

ID: A man insults your honor, you slap him across the face and you have a proper gentlemanly duel. Finally, an American with some sense of the way things should be done. I believe my uncle shall make quite a few pounds on this bout.

JC: Nova reels back from the slap, but Shakur's moving right forward. Open hand palm strikes to the body ... and a spin kick right to the side! Shakur's varied striking ability has Nova back on his heels in the early going!

ID: The man is the most feared striker in the wrestling world today, Chapel, because he's fast, he's multi-faceted and he's smart. Pity he's not British. Could've been the total package.

JC: Nova's backing up, but the PRIME Universal Champion keeps moving forward with stiff, world champion boxing-caliber jabs. Shakur's pressing the pace, he's got Nova trapped in the corner ... and drives a knee right into the Champion of Champion's gut! Nova stumbles out ... small package by the Man in Black!


AND A HALF! Shakur's got Nova off balance, but not nearly enough to put him away THAT quickly.

ID: Well, you'd have to be a complete moron to ... wait, I forgot who I'm sitting next to.

JC: Yeah, the guy that writes your checks.

ID: Touche.

JC: Nova's up, but Shakur is right on him again with an elbow right to the ribs. Muay Thai clinch from Shakur, and he's battering the Risen Star with knees to the body! He's controlling Nova with both hands wrapped around the back of his neck, and the defending champion has nowhere to go!

ID: This is textbook striking from the challenger, Chapel. He's not going to knock Nova into next week with these knees to the body, but he'll damage those ribs, which in turn is going to make it harder for Nova to breathe and seriously sap his endurance.

JC: Nova trying to fight away -- Shakur pulls back down ... connects on a knee to the bridge of the nose!

ID: Now that ... that might knock him into next week.

JC: Shakur steps into it, and nails another knee so hard that Nova wobbles out of the clinch! Nova's staggered, and he walks straight in to a jumping calf kick from Devin Shakur! Shakur whips Nova off the ropes, Nova ducks the leg lariat! Shakur spins around ... into a spinning backfist from the Risen Star! There's the Cee Oh Cee titleholder showing off a striking arsenal of his own, and he connected right on Shakur's temple with that one!

ID: Once in a while, even a blind squirrel will find the proverbial nut, and Nova exemplified that right there. He nailed Shakur in a perfect spot, and I'm all but certain he didn't know what he was doing.

JC: Nova trying to take advantage here, and he drops Shakur with an elbow! Shakur's back up ... but right back down courtesy of a clothesline! Shakur up again, but Nova chops him down with a kick to the leg -- and a dropkick right to the chest! The cover...


TWO - NO! Shakur kicks out with a moment to spare, but the Risen Star has turned the tide right now.

ID: See, Chapel? He needed the man to challenge him properly in order to give him the impetus to fight. All wrestling should be done with proper manners.

JC: Really, Mr. Cheating Is The Way to Go?

ID: Who said cheating wasn't proper manners? How's a bloke expected to properly get ahead?

JC: Oy.

[While this is going on, Nova has floored Shakur with a combo clothesline/back heel trip, and the CoC is grabbing the Commie Emo's leg and repeatedly driving his knee straight into the back of Shakur's knee joint.]

ID: Apparently he picked up a little enlightenment with all of his, uh, extracurricular activities, because he's employing a perfect strategy right here. Damaging Shakur's leg takes away not only most of his trademark kicks, but he can also remove the challenger's explosiveness.

JC: Nova grabs Shakur’s right leg … and he SLAMS him knee-first right into the canvas. He steps back, and stomps right on that knee joint of Devin Shakur! The champion’s trying to completely take away Shakur’s kicking game.

ID: Kicking game? Is this American bloody football? It’s not a “game” Chapel, it’s highly calculated arse-kicking.

JC: Shakur pulls himself up, but Nova’s right there with an elbow to the gut! Irish whip from the champ … BIG BACK BODY DROP! He launched the Man in Black a good eight or nine feet above the canbas with that one! Shakur scrambles, but he turns right into a HYOOOGE boot! Nova covers…



And a kickout by Devin Shakur!

ID: You’re always so bloody surprised when people kick out. Have you ever watched pro wrestling before, or do you have that weird Guy Pearce memory thing from “Memento” and just can’t remember?

JC: Why don’t you just give your “uncle” some betting advice for a while.

ID: Text messaging, Chapel. I am a master of multi-tasking.

JC: Shakur’s to his feet, but Nova’s right on him with … KARATE CHOPS? Is he seriously attacking the PRIME Universal Champion with KARATE CHOPS?!?!?!?!

ID: Well, he wouldn’t be Nova if he wasn’t doing something completely bizarre.

JC: Nova pulling out his 70s martial arts movie arsenal here, but Shakur puts an end to that with a knee to the body, and a vicious knife-edge chop across the chest! Nova fires back … JUDO CHOP?

ID: I think it’s Nova’s mission to counter every one of Shakur’s strikes with something decidedly wackier.

JC: If nothing else, that judo chop connected right on the top of the head, and Shakur was wobbled a little. He spins around, into an inverted atomic drop from Nova … and a reverse STO! Planted the challenger face-first on the mat! The cover…



Point five! The Risen Star came close right there, but Shakur was able to regain his bearings and shoot a shoulder off the mat.

ID: His emo sense was tingling, Chapel. It’s the only explanation.

JC: I don’t want to tell you how many ways that could be misconstrued.

ID: Nothing I say can be misconstrued, my young American friend.

JC: Nova rips Shakur off the mat, and he whips the challenger into the corner. Here comes the champion with a charge … no! He eats an elbow to the side of the head! Now Shakur firing out of the corner with sharp, vicious punches to the torso, absolutely battering Nova with shot after shot!

ID: I’ll say this, Chapel. The man’s hands are as educated as his feet.

JC: Shakur with those hooks and uppercuts from in close … and he connects with a nasty forearm to the side of the head! He wheels around … and drills Nova with a chop to the side of the neck!

ID: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the striking equivalent of the Vulcan Neck Pinch.

JC: Nova’s been disoriented by that one, Shakur winds up … OH MY!!! Spinning knee kick to the side of the head, and Nova hits the mat! Shakur hooks the leg…



NOOOOOOO!! Nova kicks out – but Shakur rolls straight into a body triangle! He’s leveraging his legs and trying to crush the Risen Star’s ribs!

ID: He doesn’t quite have it locked in though, Chapel. Nova’s turning his body to the point where Shakur can’t maximize the pressure. Nova’s got nowhere to go, but this isn’t as bad as it could be.

JC: Shakur’s trying to work into a position where he can wear down Nova, but the Champion of Champions is scrambling to try and fight away. Nova rolls … but Shakur rolls right with him! He doesn’t have the body triangle any more, but Nova’s on all fours, and Shakur has his back with the hooks in!

ID: Well, we just changed sports. Also, if you’re looking for something to be misconstrued, this is it.

JC: Nova’s doing everything he can to shake Devin Shakur, but the Man in Black isn’t letting go! He’s drilling the champion with vicious crossface blows and elbows to the side of the head! He’s got the Risen Star flattened out … and now he’s working for a rear naked choke! Absolutely STELLAR groundwork from Devin Shakur here!

ID: This is the truly underrated part of Shakur’s game, children. He gets so much credit for his knockout striking ability that most people forget his very, very slick submission skills.

JC: He’s slipping those arms in … he’s got the choke! This might be it! Nova’s trapped in the center of the ring, and Mike Rome’s diving in to check the champion!

ID: You can’t stay in a choke like this for very long, Chapel. Nova’s doing what he can to prevent it from being completely sunk in, but if he doesn’t get the ropes or escape very quickly, he’s got no choice but to tap out or go out.

JC: Nova’s rolling to try and squirm out of the choke …

AND HE ROLLS TO HIS FEET! He rolled himself straight off the mat and stood up with Devin Shakur still on his back! What a display of strength and balance.

ID: Yes, in gymnastics, that would be extremely impressive. However, he’s still got A MAN ON HIS BACK CHOKING HIM.

JC: Shakur hasn’t let go yet! He’s hooked his legs around Nova’s torso in a body scissors, and he’s trying to drag the champion to the mat! This one might be over if he can Nova back to the canvas!

ID: This isn’t about jiu-jitsu skills right now, Chapel. This is about will far more than skill.

JC: Nova’s fighting … fighting to maintain consciousness … AAAAAND he backs Shakur into the corner! He breaks the hold, and not a moment too soon!

ID: All of Nova’s movement made it hard for Shakur to fully sink in that choke, but the Risen Star isn’t in good shape right now.

JC: Nova’s shaking off the cobwebs, he charges at Shakur in the corner … nobody home! The Champion of Champions goes chest-first into the corner, Shakur slips behind … belly to back suplex! The Man in Black rolls over for the cover…



THRRRRRRNOOOOOO!!! Nova rolled off the mat just in time to save his title! That was so, so close!

ID: Nova shook off that rear naked choke, but Shakur was able to quickly reestablish his dominance.

JC: Nova’s up to his knees … OHHHHHH!!! He rose right into the Reverse Evolution Theory from Devin Shakur! The challenger punched him right in the throat, and Nova’s completely immobilized!

ID: That’s bad, bad times.

JC: Shakur measuring up the champion … he hits the ropes … SHINING WIZARD! Right to the side of the head! We could have a brand-new Champion of Champions!!!



THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR – SHOULDER UP!!! Nova rolled his shoulder off the mat at the absolute last moment!

ID: Apparently all those drugs haven’t slowed his reaction time too badly.

JC: Shakur’s still right on him, though. He whips Nova into the corner, takes charge … EUROPEAN UPPERCUT!!! He snapped Nova’s jaw back 10 feet with that one!

ID: That’s physically impossible, Chapel. Stop with the stupid bloody hyperbole, boy.

JC: Shakur spins around and sits on the top rope, and he’s bringing Nova up there with him! It’s time for the HOLY ****! If he hits this, no doubt about it, this thing is all over!

ID: Stop with the profanity on national television, Chapel. It’s unbecoming.

JC: That’s the name of his move.

ID: Well, then HOLY ****!

JC: He’s locking in those double underhooks … but Nova’s firing back! Elbows and forearms from the champion, but the challenger is answering! An all-out slugfest on the top rope! Nova! Shakur! Nova! Shakur! An EPIC BATTLE atop the ringpost!


ID: Hmm. They don’t like the emo. Shocking. Maybe he’ll cut himself later.

JC: Shakur blasts Nova with a forearm, but NOVA CONNECTS WITH AN ELBOW TO THE SKULL!! He’s broken free! Both men up top … Nova hooks the head …

SUUUUUPEEERRRRPLLEEXXXXXXX!!!! Amazing impact … and he rolls right through! He hooks the leg…



DRIVER!!!! Nova flowed beautifully out of the superplex, and he holds on for the pin!



THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEE – FOOT ON THE ROPES!!! Devin Shakur stuck his left foot on the bottom rope and Mike Rome spotted it out of the corner of his eye!

ID: That. Was. Fecking. Close.

JC: And now, neither man can make it to his feet! Shakur was just dropped on his head TWICE, and Nova might have given up his last bit of energy with that combo! Mike Rome’s starting his standing 10 count…







JC: Nova’s stirring!

ID: So is Shakur!




JC: Shakur’s up! He pulled himself up with the ropes … but Nova’s up to, and he spears Devin to the mat! He’s laying in heavy punches from up top, raining down blows on the challenger! Mike Rome might have to step in and finish this if Shakur can’t defend himself!

ID: Watch closely, Chapel. He’s defending himself just bloody fine.

JC: TRIANGLE CHOKE! Shakur saw an opening, sprung into action and caught Nova in a tight triangle – BUT NOVA FLIPS OVER! He’s using the hold against Shakur, and he’s got the challenger’s shoulders on the mat!



THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNOOOOOO!!!!! Shakur kicked out, but he was forced to release the triangle … and Nova transitions into a submission of his own! He’s got that patented Horizontal Face-Pull Neck-Stretch Inverted Hurt-Plex … (heavy breathing ) … Lock Bomb clamped on in the center of the ring!

ID: Bloody hell, that’s a long sobriquet for that particular maneuver.

JC: I never should have given you that pocket thesaurus.

ID: Indubitably.

JC: Nova’s got the H.F-P.N-S.I.H-P.L.B. clamped on in the center of the ring, and he might pull that shoulder straight out of the socket!

ID: Nova’s got plenty of experience with this hold, and he can end a match with it quickly.

JC: Shakur’s flailing on the mat, he is in TREMENDOUS pain, but he is not giving up! He’s desperately reaching with that left leg to try and reach the ropes … AND HE MAKES IT!!!! Devin Shakur, with one DESPERATE reach, stuck his foot on the bottom rope and saved his chance at the Championship of Champions!

ID: Wild flailing can pay off sometimes, and it did right there.

JC: What does that even mean?

ID: Dunno, but I thought I should probably say SOMETHING.

JC: Nova let’s go, but dives right back in at Shakur … who kicks him away! Nova rebounds off the ropes … kip-up by Shakur … and he nails Nova with a flying knee! Nova wobbles around … SLEEPER BY SHAKUR – INTO A SUPLEX!!!! Dear God, he dropped him straight on his head … and bridges for the pin!



THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Devin Shakur came back with that desperation sleeper suplex out of nowhere, but the Risen Star was able to slip out of the bridge and keep his title, at least for now!

ID: Devin Shakur’s come so close on so many occasions, Chapel. It’s got to be just a matter of time before he finishes him off and wins my uncle a boatload of British pounds, which far, far outvalue your American dollar.

JC: Which you get paid in.

ID: Ah-hah.

JC: Nova stumbles to his feet … FLYING ARMBAR BY THE CHALLENGER!!! He sprung in to action and rolled Nova over with the jujigatame … but the champion rolls through! He rolled right out of the hold, and both men reach their feet … LARRRRRRRRRRRRIAAAATTOOOOOOO!!!!

ID: Well then.

JC: Nova flipped Devin Shakur inside out with that BRUTAL lariat!


ID: Bloody hell.

JC: Shakur popped right up! He’s got FIGHTING SPIRIT! He fires a kick … Nova slips behind … DYING STAR DROP! Pulling a page out of his old-school playbook! He pulls Shakur up … Bourbon for Breakfast?

ID: Gladly.

JC: Up goes Shakur … he flipped out of the hold and landed on his feet! Nova spins around …

GOOD TIMES, PAINFUL – SWING AND A MISS! Shakur went for that vicious roundhouse kick, but Nova ducked … and he hooked his head … BOURBON FOR BREAKFAST!!!! Out of nowhere!

ID: Holy finishing move Batman!

JC: Nova nailed the Bourbon for Breakfast … and he switches right in to the Caesarian Section! Scissored Dragon Sleeper on the ground, and he’s pound away at Shakur’s ribs with that free arm!

ID: He can’t last in this for long, Chapel.

JC: Shakur tries to roll … but Nova rolls right with him! He’s still got that Caesarian Section locked in, and the roll allowed him to tighten his grip…




OVEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! Shakur taps out in the middle of the ring, and Nova survives a brutal encounter to hold on to the Championship of Champions!

ID: That was an impressive performance, Chapel.

MD: The winner of this match via submission, and STILL the TEAM Champion of Champions … THE RISEN STAR … NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVAAAAAAAAA!!!!

JC: Nova’s near year-long reign with that title is still going, and it is stronger than ever! But, soon enough, he’s going to have to face his toughest challenge yet in either Ravager or Mike Randalls. Those two are ready to fight it out for the Merritt Trophy and a future shot at the Risen Star. It’s our main event of the evening, it’s the finals of the 2008 TEAM Invitational Tournament, and IT IS NEXT!

[Cut to another montage focusing in on Ravager and Randalls.]


Active member
Jun 18, 2004
JC: Alright Duke, it’s time for the culmination of five rounds of blood, sweat and tears.

ID: Bloody hell, Jesse, we’re not talking about my family reunion now.

JC: No sir, Duke, we’re talking about the 2008 TEAM Invitational Tournament finals. Mike Randalls and Ravager, squaring off for the Chad Merritt Trophy. Interestingly enough, Duke, these are the fifth and sixth different wrestlers to contend for the Trophy. No one has repeated in the finals of this tournament.

ID: Useless trivia. Bah. Next thing you’ll be telling everyone that the Queen likes boysenberry scones with her tea.

JC: Tea with the Queen isn’t my forte, Duke. That’s yours. Mine is TEAM, and if this match isn’t an instant classic, I’ll eat my hat.

ID: Bah, bloody baseball caps aren’t hats. You need a right well bowler, you do.

JC: Riiight. So, to the match, Duke, what are your, or more specifically, your uncle’s thoughts on the final?

ID: Well, I advised my uncle not to bet on this match because he’s under investigation from the FBI for illegal betting rings funded by off-shore hedge funds.

JC: Okay then, so if that’s the case, why don’t you earn your money as a color commentator and break the match down, mkay?

ID: Well, honestly, this match should be stiffer than a pair of overstarched knickers. Randalls has been known to maim people without thought, and Ravager has earned himself a reputation as being a shooter. The number of welts caused by both men in their careers numbers in the thousands.

JC: See people? He can still commentate.

ID: Bloody wanker.

JC: I didn’t know you cared. Still though, one more thing to add here. Randalls hasn’t won a major World Championship or tournament in over a decade, but he’s among the CSWA’s most decorated superstars in their long and glorious history. Ravager, along with a certain star with one name and an exclamation point for an appellation, is pretty much the brightest superstar in the annals of NAPW. All of that combines to make for a dream match of sorts, although that angle has flown somewhat under the radar.

ID: Fair point.

JC: More poignant analysis from the Iron Duke. Alright, it looks like we’re ready to go, so let’s...

[Chapel is interrupted by the sounds of George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic over the PA.]

PA: Mother Earth has been knocked up for the third time... for y’all have knocked her up.

[The crowd erupts at the theme song for the TEAM Champion of Champions. The cheers are amplified as the man himself, dressed in blue jeans and a TEAM Invitational Tournament official t-shirt, CoC belt draped across his right shoulder, enters the arena.]

JC: Holy crap! It’s Nova!

ID: What in the bloody blazes is he doing out here?

JC: I don’t know exactly, but I have to think he’s coming to get an eagle’s eye view of the action. Remember, the winner of this match gets a shot at him.

ID: Bah, he’d better not be out here to influence the decision so he gets the easier matchup.

JC: Um, Duke? I don’t know if you could call either one of these guys easy. Ravager and Randalls are among the best in the world today, and either one could stretch you from here all the way to Jacksonville.

ID: Well, I full well intend to get to the bottom of this because he’s heading our way.

[Nova picks up a headset and sits down next to Chapel.]

NOVA: Whazzup playaz?

JC: This is certainly a surprise, Caesar, but it’s a welcome one.

ID: I’ll be the judge of that. I’ll be here to make sure that you don’t engage in any tomfoolery during this match.

NOVA: Whoa, whoa, whoa, chill out, Duke. There ain’t gonna be no tomfoolery, stevefoolery, jessfoolery or even quentinfoolery during this match. I’m gonna sit back and scout the cat who’s gonna come challenge me for this.

[Pats the title on his shoulder.]

ID: Sure, you say that now, but when you start interfering to get the easier draw in your next defense...

NOVA: Easier? Christ, Duke, neither one of these guys is going to be easy, let me tell you, and I have business with both of ‘em. Ravager beat me for that title he’s carrying around right now, and Randalls, well, let’s just say there’s more between us than what I can possibly explain on air.

JC: Told ya.

ID: I don’t bloody believe either one of you.

JC: Regardless of what you believe, it’s time to start. Let’s go to Marvin Darling for the intros.

[The OLD-SKOOL MIC drops down from the ceiling and Marvin Darling prepares to introduce the competitors.]

MD: This final match in thuh 2008 TEAM Invitational Tournament is scheduled faw one fall an’ is faw the Chad Merritt Trophy!


MD: Introducin’ first...

[Cue up “Path” by Apocalyptica.]

MD: ...from the borough of Brooklyn in New Yawk City, New Yawk, weighin’ in at 210 pounds, he is thuh TEAM Challenge Champion, thuh London bracket Champion and a bona fide shootah... RAAAAAAVAGERRRRRRRRR!!!

[Ravager enters to a massive round of applause. He’s wearing his trademark plain black trunks and boots with white tape around his wrists. The TEAM Challenge Championship is fastened securely around his waist.]

JC: There he is guys, the Challenge Champion for 15 months and counting, although it’s not on the line right now.

NOVA: I still remember the day he beat me for that title. At least all up to the part where I fell from the top of the cage. Still, I saw the tape, and I still haven’t gotten my receipt.

ID: Aha! So you’re rooting for Ravager! Guards!

JC: Pipe down.

[The Challenge Champion hops onto the apron, slowly enters and hands his Challenge Championship to referee Kevin Bates, who immediately hands it to the timekeeper without raising it up. Ravager’s music dies down.]

MD: And his opponent...

[Cue up “Exit” by the Black Crowes.]

MD: ...from thuh desolate deserts of New Mexico, weighin’ in at 243 pounds, he is thuh Orlando bracket Champion and thuh CSWA’s craziest legend... Mike... “The WOLF...” RAAAAAAAANDAAAAAAAALLS!!!

[Randalls stalks from out of the back to another enormous pop. He stops four feet away from the entrance, looks up to his left and pans his head to his right before stalking to the ring.]

JC: Listen to this ovation for Randalls! Judging from this reaction, you’d never know that he was one of Hornet’s main antagonists in Greensboro.

NOVA: Fans have short memories, Jessmeister. I know this first hand. Back when...

ID: Oh no, no anecdotes to cover up your sinister intentions.

JC: Ladies and gentlemen, The Iron Duke.

ID: Bah, piss off, Jesse.

JC: Caes, don’t you love it when me and the Duke talk all lovey-dovey?

NOVA: [chuckling]

[Randalls enters the ring and takes his corner. Referee Kevin Bates calls them over to read them the riot act.]

JC: We’re almost ready, and you can cut the tension in the air with a knife.

NOVA: Seriously.


JC: And we’re off, although they’re still eyeing each other up. I’m not sure either guy knows how they’re going to start this match. Very tentative, you’d think these guys didn’t have five matches of experience behind them.

ID: Or maybe they both of them have seen the path the other has torn through this field and don’t want to be the first to make a mistake.

JC: See Caes, he’s good for things other than divulging gambling debts and accusing guest commentators of ulterior motives.

NOVA: Righteous.

JC: They’re still circling, Ravager reaches in, but Randalls shoves him out! Right chop from the Wolf and this match is on! Ravager answers! Randalls again! Ravager! Randalls! They’re trading chops like anthropomorphic lumberjack oaks!


JC: Ravager blocks it... headbutt! Randalls is reeling, and Ravager gets the first big shot in. He's got Randalls and whips him into the corner.

[Ravager charges in.]

NOVA: Impressive start for Ravager here.

JC: Spoke too soon, because he just ate a boot from Randalls!

ID: A nice filet of sole!

[Awkward silence from the booth. Ravager staggers back, and Randalls follows up with two GUNFIRE-esque chops.]

ID: Bloody what?

JC: Never do that again, Duke.

ID: Sod off!

JC: Ravager's reeling, and Randalls charges in for the follow up... no! Ravager catches the knee...

ID: Begorrah!

JC: Short-arm clothesline! Randalls to the canvas, and Ravager's back in control.

[Ravager brings Randalls back to his feet.]

ID: Bugger, I knew I should have gotten fish 'n chips before the match the way this is going.

[Ravager lands an overhand chop to Randalls' head.]

JC: Well, we can always send you. Me and Caes can hold down the fort ourselves.

ID: Oh bugger off.

JC: I'd love to, but... Randalls catches that overhead chop! Hammerlock from the Wolf and...

[WHAM! Randalls drives Ravager chest first into the corner.]

NOVA: Whoa! That was a brutal move.

[Ravager falls back.]

JC: You're talking about a guy who eats scorpions for breakfast, scorpions for lunch and a sensible dinner...

ID: ...that bloody includes scorpions!

[Randalls grabs Ravager by the hair.]

JC: I'm surprised "Brutal" isn't his middle name, and more evidence, dragging the Challenge Champion to his feet by the hair. Christ, that's...

ID: ...amazing!

[Ravager twists around and rams his shoulder into Randalls' gut.]

JC: Par for the course for that man who has become a legend up North and here in TEAM! He's got Randalls by the wrist and Irish whip... nope, no time for Duke to say Bloody Irish! Reversal and Ravager is whipped HARD into the corner!

NOVA: Dude, I'm starting to feel nauseous from the see-saw ride.

[Randalls charges into the corner with a Hornet splash.]

ID: Or it could be from all that bloody dope you smoke.

JC: Easy, Duke, easy. Randalls with the impact, but can he capitalize and sustain some momentum here? Ravager stumbling forward... chop... no! Ravager blocks it and another headbutt!

ID: He's got a bloody iron head.

NOVA: I can personally vouch for that.

[Ravager rushes in with an elbow to Randalls' face.]

ID: Which is why you want him to lose and face Randalls!

NOVA: Yeah Duke, you really got me.

ID: A-ha!

JC: Stop it, Duke... ooh, gnarly shot to Randalls' face from Ravager there, and I'm surprised the Wolf isn't busted open there. The Challenge Champion follows in with a grapple and a front facelock. Sup... no, Randalls blocks it and shoves Ravager into the corner. He stumbles forward...

[CRACK! Roundhouse kick to the face of Ravager.]

NOVA: Good gravy!


NOVA: I could have told you those feet should be registered as lethal weapons.

JC: You're telling me. Ravager up slowly and Randalls just descends on him like a swarm of locusts with those chops.

ID: Ravager's chest is going to look like pudding after this match.

NOVA: I could definitely go for some pudding right now.

JC: No comment. Randalls whipping Ravager... reversal! Randalls' back eats the turnbuckles. Now, can Ravager get some momentum going. Right now, it just seems like no one can build.

[Ravager chops Randalls.]

ID: All this flip-flopping is turning me topsy-turvy there. I'm about to toss my cookies.

[Another chop.]

NOVA: Dude, don't aim at me.

JC: Ravager again... no! The Wolf blocks the chop and tosses Ravager in the corner! He's returning the favor with those rapid fire machine gun chops!

NOVA: Hey, I had a pretty good title defense tonight. Maybe I'll just buy Ravvy an ice pack for his chest.

ID: Aha! Buying gifts for Ravager!

[Ravager slumps in the corner as Randalls steps back.]

JC: Dammit, Duke, cool it already, or else Nova's going to do what Randalls is about to do Ravager...

[Randalls charges knee first into the corner, but Ravager moves last second.]

NOVA: Yowza~!

JC: Could this be the break Ravager's been looking for? Randalls is holding his knee.

NOVA: Dude, Peter Griffin style!

JC: You're telling me, Caes. Ravager up slowly, and now Randalls is getting up. Both of these guys are looking a bit worse for wear, but that's what happens when you're constantly switching between offense and defense. Ravager's up, and he's got Randalls in his sights. He's got him by the bad leg... NO! Randalls with the enzugiri, and once again, the momentum has shifted in this match.

ID: Bah, what momentum?

JC: Touché, Duke. Both men kinda slow to get up again.

ID: Well, even though it seems quite early, maybe it's not fatigue as much as it's both men trying to figure out a way to coax an advantage for more than a bloody minute.

JC: Excellent point Duke, although Randalls has his wits about him and he's wasting NO time getting over to Ravager. Grapple, no! Ravager powers out and just shoves Randalls back!

NOVA: Frustration setting in...

JC: You're telling me, Caes. Randalls looks like he's just seen a ghost. He charges in... Ravager with the quick thinking! Drop toe hold, and Randalls is eating the bottom turnbuckle for a mid-match snack!

ID: I can't help but think that Randalls fell right into Ravager's trap there, because a shove is quite unbecoming of the Challenge Champion.

JC: It could be, Duke, but remember, frustration has a way of throwing people off their games. Ravager has Randalls up and in a rear facelock, but Randalls won't go gently into the good night. It's getting downright crazy in there. Randalls breaks out of the hold and plants a shove right on Ravager's chest!

ID: Turnabout is bloody fair play!

JC: Indeed it is, and now Ravager charges in, and Randalls is ready... Ravager stopped short! He stopped short! Elbow to the exposed face of the Wolf, and could this be the break that the Challenge Champion was looking for?

NOVA: Dude, how many more times are you going to say that?

JC: Until someone gets the break they were looking for! Ravager grabs Randalls and whips him into the cattycorner, charging in with the knee... Randalls moves! Jesus Christ, will someone please take control in there!

ID: Bloody hell, Jesse, they aren't going to do so at your command. It's clear these two are too evenly matched.

[Ravager grabs his knee, Randalls a breather.]

JC: Like the French and English at soccer?

NOVA: Bwahahahaha!

ID: Bite your tongue, you filthy American blackguard!

JC: Ladies and gentlemen, the Iron Duke. Randalls slowly up, and Ravager still writhing on the mat. You'd think that these men have gone through a war if you were looking at them for the first time, but less than ten minutes have elapsed so far. Such a frenetic pace.

NOVA: I think one or both of them oughtta slow it up, or else this match'll end up as a double count-out.

ID: And we wouldn't want that happening now, would we?

JC: No guys, we wouldn't. Both men are finally up, and they're both a bit wobbly. Ravager in for the chop, but Randalls just throws the attempt out of his way and lands one of his own! Dear Lord, that seems to be the weapon of choice, and Randalls lands another one! He grabs and an Irish whip... no! Ravager reverses it! Randalls heading in and Ravager nails him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!

NOVA: Here's to never having to face either one of them.

ID: Aha! Now you're ducking the competition!

JC: Christ Duke, give it a rest. Ravager now has a chance to get the upper hand that has eluded both wrestlers until now. He's got Randalls up again, another attempt at a whip. He's... no! Randalls reverses it into a rear waistlock...


JC: OH MY GOD! Randalls just drilled Ravager with a snap German suplex!

NOVA: Dude, I don't care how good you are or how jacked you are, a suplex from the Wolf is gonna keep you from getting up quickly. I think you got the advantage you were looking for, Jessmeister.

JC: I think so too, Caes, because Ravager's got that glazed over look in his eyes. Randalls is hobbling around a bit, but you can tell he's a little better off right now.

ID: A little Jesse? Randalls is a bloody reserve goaltender compared to Ravager right now.

[Randalls starts running the ropes.]

JC: Oh you and your footie references... elbow drop from Randalls, and he's going to make the first pin attempt of the match... one... two... no! Ravager kicks out.

ID: Well, this has quickly become the most violent game of Pong in human history.

NOVA: Bong? Where?

ID: Goodie, now he’s looking to, how do you Americans say it – “toke up a doobie” – right in the bloody middle of a match where he’s clearly scared out of his jammies by both combatants.

NOVA: If we weren’t live on pay per view, I’d KEEL YOU.

JC: He’s got diplomatic immunity, Caes, so, bad idea. Speaking of—

ID: Ooh, Fancy Segue Man.

JC: This might not be the best idea for Ravager’s future health. Double underhook by Randalls … suplex … SANDBAGGED! Randalls tries again … OH FOR TWO! Third times the charm?

NOVA: Uh, nope.

JC: Ravager floats under … into a backslide!


ID: Bloody Americans.

JC: Randalls’ shoulders are down … one … two … NO! Close nearfall from Ravager, as Randalls might’ve tried to go to the well with that underhook suplex once too often.

ID: Lesson for you, children. If at first you don’t succeed, stop trying, because you’ll always fail in the end.

NOVA: Inspiring message of hope, Duke.

ID: Thanks.

[While Nova and Duke break for witty banter, Ravager looks to exploit an opening, kicking Randalls in the right shoulder before he gets to his feet, then clamping down on a front facelock.]

JC: Rav has him hooked … slingshot … into a snap suplex! That could be—

NOVA/ID: The break he was looking for. WE KNOW.

JC: Ravager holds on, rolls through, he could be looking for another! Slingshot … NO! Randalls turns it into a crossbody coming off the ropes … but Ravager rolls through, and PLANTS the Wolf with another suplex!

NOVA: And there’s the bright, shiny side of persistence.

JC: Exactly right, Caes. These two are going back and forth, move for move, hold for hold, counter for counter, and any advantage that either can exploit for any period of time is going to be huge in the end.

[Randalls manages to get to all fours, by Ravager quickly hits the ropes and leaps into the air.]

JC: And here comes Ravager … knee right to the back of Randalls’ neck, driving him face-first into the mat at the same time!

ID: Unorthodox, yet effective. I like it.

NOVA: You would.

ID: I don’t even know what that means!

NOVA: Neither do I. Sometimes, I just feel like being contrary for no reason whatsoever.

JC: Ravager pulls Randalls up … spinning chop right to the side of the neck! And another! He’s trying to weaken Randalls neck to set up a variety of his finishing maneuvers.

NOVA: He’s got that Garotte, plus the Dragon Suplex and that nasty-ass looking brainbuster deal, which all result in quite a bit of neck pain, so I’m thinking this might be an A-Plus strategy.

ID: One that your scared off, scaredy boy?

NOVA: Quiet you.

JC: These two have been handing out chops by the plateful tonight, and here’s one more to the neck from the Challenge Champion! And one to the chest … gutwrench … suplex time …


JC: Unbelievable! While Mike Randalls was being flipped over in that gutwrench, he pushed off Ravager, launched himself over the top rope and landed feet first on the apron!

ID: This man has clearly taken some gymnastics lessons.

NOVA: Hopefully not for those “16-year-old” Chinese girls from the Olympics.

[Randalls tenses himself as a confused Ravager spins around. When he does, the Wolf springs off the top rope.]

JC: Randalls takes flight … springboard spinning leg lariat! He placed it perfectly and caught Ravager right on the temple.

NOVA: Most wrestlers have absolutely no accuracy with all their mega-flippy crap. Not Mike Randalls.

ID: Or, he’s just a blind squirrel that found a nut.

NOVA: That too.

JC: The Wolf is stalking his prey, ready to pounce.

ID: Oy! Only I may utilitze the flowery prose, Jesse.

JC: Gotcha, Duke. Ravager’s up … Randalls lets those feet fly!


JC: Standing back hook kick right on the button! Ravager is wobbly, and Randalls takes advantage … wrist-clutch Northern Lights Suplex! With a bridge!



Not this time! Randalls just scored the closest nearfall of the match thus far, and this relentless pace might be getting to the Challenge Champion!

ID: Whenever Randalls is involved, you have to be able to go a million miles a minute, and though Ravager’s a tough chap, but this pace might be too much for him.

NOVA: Yeah, kinda scary.

ID: HA! You admit it! You’re just a scared, little…

[The camera cuts to the booth for a Nova DEATHSTARE directed at the Iron Duke. Needless to say, he shuts up before we cut back to the action.]

JC: Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached a first in history; a speechless Iron Duke. Randalls pulls Ravager to his feet … stiff right hand, and he shoots him off the ropes. Discus punch – nobody home! Randalls spins around … into a headbutt from Ravager! Randalls fires back with a chop! Another headbutt! Chop! Headbutt! Chop! Headbutt!

NOVA: Dear Lord, I’m getting whiplash.

JC: These two warriors are exchaning these trademark strikes back and forth in the middle of the ring! Knife-edge from Randalls – this one’s cut off! Headbutt! And another! One more, and the Wolf’s on the ropes!

ID: Quite literally, actually.

[With Randalls on the ropes, Ravager sprints straight at him.]

JC: Here comes Ravager … SWEET HOLY HELL!

NOVA: Dude.

JC: Ravager went to clothesline Randalls over the ropes, but the Wolf, working on instinct alone, backdropped Ravager over the top and to the floor!


ID: I’ll have to agree with the profane plebeians here in Atlanta, Chapel.

JC: Let’s check that one out again!

[In SUPER-SLO-MO we see Randalls press Ravager overhead and launch him to the outside. Thankfully for the future of the Challenge Champion’s spinal column, he barely manages to land flat on his back rather than his head and neck. As we cut back to a live full-screen, that doesn’t seem to be much consolance to Ravager, who is holding his back as he tries to get to his feet.]

NOVA: I think the pretty black mats might’ve just saved Ravager’s life. Although I wouldn’t put good odds on it continuing the longer he’s in there with Randalls.

ID: Exactly what odds are you talking about, because my uncle is looking for some action.

NOVA: Crap. I think I just opened a can of worms.

JC: Indeed you did, Caes. Ravager crawls to his feet … here comes Randalls … CORKSCREW SOMERSAULT PLANCHA! Showing no regard for his own well-being or that of his opponent, Mike Randalls hurled himself over the top and brought all of his 243 pounds onto Ravager!


NOVA: They’ve got a point, Chapel.

ID: And not a bloody bad one, either.

JC: Both men are in a heap on the outside, but Randalls is getting up! He took as much of that plancha as Ravager did, but the Wolf is to his feet. He pulls Ravager up … and another chop! Now an Irish whip –

ID: Bloody Irish.

JC: -- thanks for the interruption, Duke, as Ravager SLAMS into the retaining wall.

NOVA: Good thing, too, cause if that wall wasn’t there, he would just run forever and ever. That’s part of the rules of pro wrestling, kids. If you get Irish whipped, nothing can stop you from running except a solid object.

JC: Enlightening, Caes. Randalls knows Ravager is reeling, and this may be the time to do some serious damage.

[Looking Ravager dead in the eye, Randalls breaks into a sprint that’d make Usain Bolt proud.]

JC: Here comes Randalls … Yakuza Kick …

NOVA: Ooh, Seven-Ten Split!

JC: I don’t know exactly how, but Ravager got out of the way at the last instant and Randalls’ leg got hung up on the barricade! That has to be painful.

ID: Hopefully young Michael did his mystic Eastern stretching exercises earlier tonight.

NOVA: He did his mystic Eastern SOMETHING, I can tell you that. I’ve seen things man. THINGS.

ID: We get you, things.

[Ravager quickly rolls into the ring to break Kevin Bates’ count, then gets back out before Randalls can emerge from his sticky situation.]

JC: Randalls is still hung up … and now Ravager hooks that leg from behind! Randalls is fighting back, firing elbows to the Challenge Champions head … OH MY! Leg-hook Saito Suplex on to the mats outside! My GAWD, Mike Randalls just got dropped straight onto his neck!

NOVA: That’s a no buys situation.

JC: Ravager rolls Mike Randalls into the ring. After this, if he can make the cover, Ravager’s got to be just three seconds away from the Merritt Trophy! The cover…



AND A HALF! I’m not sure how, but Mike Randalls kicked out after being BRUTALLY suplexed on the floor, and we’re still going!

ID: Randalls is one tough bastard, Jesse, and the time Ravager needed to roll him into the ring gave him just enough time to recover.

JC: Just enough is exactly right, Duke. Ravager brings Randalls up … and another headbutt! He’s just been using his own head as a blunt instrument tonight!

ID: Don’t talk about blunts around the stoner.

NOVA: Hey! I resemble that remark.

JC: Children, please. Mike Randalls is getting a little dizzy with all these shots to the head, and one more isn’t going to help that cause! Ravager hooks the arm … and sends Randalls into the turnbuckles. The Challenge Champion follows with the charge … European Uppercut in the corner!

ID: Bloody American stealing from the good continent of Europe. Somebody send Scotland Yard after this thief!

NOVA: Yeah, we’ll get right on that, Dukey.

JC: I’m dialing my invisible phone right now, Caes. Randalls is slumped in the corner, but not for long! Ravager scoops him up … maybe time for some Emerald Frosion?

NOVA: Dunno, but it sounds tasty.

JC: He’s got him hooked … WAIT! Randalls rolled into a sunset flip! One … two … no! Not enough – but Randalls held onto the leg and rolled straight into a kneebar! Brilliant display of catch wrestling and jiu-jitsu from the legend!

ID: He’s a jack of all trades, Jesse. A Renaissance Man, a –

NOVA: Cram it.

ID: Blast, now look what you’ve done. You’ve made me forget the rest of my superlatives!

NOVA: Mission accomplished, then.

JC: Thanks, he might not have stopped. And neither will Mike Randalls! Ravager is trying to keep his knee bent the right way to try and relieve the pressure, but the Wolf is cranking on this hold with all his might, trying to tear that left knee out of its socket!

ID: I certainly hope not. I know we’re on pay per view, but I’m still not sure limb removal fits TEAM’s broadcasts standards.

NOVA: I don’t think he needs to go that far, Duke. Even if Ravager can withstand this, that knee won’t be in good shape, and that won’t help if Randalls gets the chance to slap on that Santa Fe Cloverleaf.

JC: That move sent him to the finals, Caes, but this hold might get him the Merritt Trophy and a shot at your title! He’s got that knee straightened out, and the Challenge Champion is flailing for the ropes!


ID: Ew, he’s knee is being bent all funny.

NOVA: My thoughts exactly, Duke.

JC: Ravager is inching his way towards those ropes! Almost there … he brushes a finger across the bottom rope – but Randalls rolls him away! He’s back into the center of the ring!

NOVA: For the love of all-powerful deities everywhere, this is inhumanly painful!

ID: Very PC, champ.

JC: And dead on! Ravager is fighting with every ounce of his being not to submit! He’s inches from slapping the mat … but he’s still crawling towards the ropes! It’s a race between his pain and his will to survive!

Almost there…

Almost there…

YES! He got the ropes!


JC: He’s free after nearly two full minutes in that hold, but does he have enough left to stand up and fight?

NOVA: I think Randalls might test that right now.

[Kevin Bates holds Randalls at bay as Ravager uses the ropes to pull himself up. Once the Challenge Champion stands gingerly, the Wolf resumes the attack.]

JC: Randalls right back on the offensive … and he hacks away at that bad left leg with a buzzsaw kick! And another! Ravager is hopping around the ring on that bad leg, but Randalls grabs it … kneebreaker! That might be enough! Mike Randalls might be the 2008 TEAM Invitational Champion! He hooks the leg…



THRRRRNOOOO!!!! Ravager refuses to stay down!

ID: He’s a stubborn one. Good for all the kiddies watching, bad if he wants to walk after his 40th birthday.

JC: He’s taking a profound beating in this match, Duke, but he’s given just as much as he’s taken, and he is still firing back! Randalls picks him up, but gets a headbutt to the sternum! And another, but Randalls cuts him off with another kick to the bad leg!

NOVA: Ravager wasn’t showing an obvious weak point, so Randalls made one for himself and now he’s whittling that knee down to nothing.

JC: Randalls with another kick to the leg, now one to the body … CAUGHT! Ravager caught the kick … and even THAT doesn’t turn out well! Black Moon Rising from Mike Randalls! He drilled Ravager right in the face with that devastating sidewinder enziguiri.

NOVA: He puts so much torque and power into that kick that when it connects, you swear you’ve been hit by an SUV.

ID: You having extensive experience running into speeding cars, of course.

NOVA: Hey, what I do in my spare time is none of your business, pal.

[Randalls, who landed on his face executing the Black Moon Rising, gets to his feet and signals to the crowd that it’s all over.]


JC: Randalls says he wants to put the finishing touches on his Path to the Merritt Trophy! He hooks the legs, could be going for the Santa Fe Cloverleaf!

ID: If he hooks this in, Chapel, that trophy is his.

JC: Randalls trying to turn Ravager over … COUNTER! Ravager rolls him up! Shoulders are down!



NO! Ravager stunned Mike Randalls with the roll-up out of nowhere, but still can’t get the job done.

NOVA: He avoided having his ACL shredded into billions of tiny threads, though, so you’ve got a little silver lining.

JC: Good point, Caes. But, the Challenge Champion still can’t take control, as he eats yet ANOTHER vicious chop from Mike Randalls!

ID: This is the kind of game plan I appreciate, Chapel. Hitting a man so hard his immediate family feels it is a wonderful, wonderful strategy.

NOVA: It’s working damn well, too. Ravager’s chest is bleeding from all these chops, not something anyone particularly enjoys, including myself.

[Randalls follows up with an elbow to the temple, then whips Ravager into the corner and charges.]

JC: Randalls trying to do some more damage … HANDSPING HORNET SPLAAAAAAAAASH –

NOVA: And the whiff!

JC: Ravager escaped again, and Randalls got a face full of turnbuckle! Now Ravager charges … knee to the back of the head!

ID: Somehow, he used his good knee to both jump and strike, but that still has to be painful.

JC: Quite, Duke. What does Rav have planned here? He’s placing Randalls’ face on the bottom turnbuckle…


JC: SILENCER! That brutal curb stomp on the bottom turnbuckle! That might’ve broken Mike Randalls’ nose!

NOVA: If that didn’t, this probably will.


JC: One more time with the Silencer! Back to back in the corner, and Mike Randalls is gonna need an appointment with a plastic surgeon in the morning!

ID: Not bloody likely. Randalls’ll probably take it as more representations of his sodding sacrifice. Blasted whacked-out Yanks.

[Sure enough, when Ravager scrapes Randalls out of the corner, the Wolf comes up bleeding.]

JC: Ravager’s got him down! The cover…




ID: Well, that was bloody close.

JC: Mike Randalls is barely conscious after those two Silencers, but somehow, me managed the ring awareness to drape his left foot on the bottom rope!

NOVA: Mystic ninja powers are a wonderful thing.

JC: Ravager pulls Randalls up, and nails him with another headbutt! He’s turned himself into a human battering ram tonight!

ID: And he’s opening up even more cuts on Randalls’ head.

JC: This’ll do some damage to the head, too … D-D-T! Right on the top of his head!

NOVA: That was nasty, Jess. N-A-S-T-Y, nasty.

ID: Oh, the little fraidy cat can spell? Want a cookie?

JC: We all want cookies, Duke. But, if you didn’t bring enough to share with everyone, we’ll have to take yours away.

ID: But it’s MY cookie!

NOVA: Whatever, dude.

[Randalls is dragged to his feet by Ravager, who slips behind and hooks in a full nelson as the crowd roars in anticipation.]

JC: Last Resort! He’s going for that patented Dragon Suplex! If he hits it, he’s taking the trophy home … but Randalls is blocking! He’s trying to glue his feet to the canvas and avoid this devastating suplex!

NOVA: With the MYSTIC NINJA POWERZ~!, I wouldn’t put it past him.

JC: Ravager trying to launch him overhead … but Randalls won’t go! He’s firing away at Ravager’s bad leg with mule kicks … and he breaks free! Ravager’s down to one knee!

[Randalls quickly hits the ropes.]

JC: Here comes the Wolf … SHINING WIZARD! Step-up knee strike to the side of the head! He scoops up Ravager … BRAINBUSTAH!!!!! That might do it!




ID: Well.

NOVA: That’s all ya got, Duke?

ID: Well … then.

NOVA: Better.

JC: These men have taken UNREAL amounts of punishment, but somehow, some way, neither man has given in yet!

ID: I could say they’re zombies or robots, but Mike Neely would probably sue my pants off.

NOVA: And the last thing anyone needs to see is you with your pants off.

JC: Damn straight.

[Ravager tries to fight his way up, but Randalls cuts him off with one more chop, then whips the Challenge Champion off the ropes.]

JC: Tilt-a-whirl from the Wolf … into a backbreaker! The Devastating one just chopped Ravager in two with that backbreaker!

ID: That’s stretching A BIT, Señor Hyperbole.

JC: Randalls with another whip … SPINEBUSTER … WHAT THE HELL?

NOVA: Okay, who hit the f**king pause button?

JC: Guillotine Choke! Ravager locked in a guillotine choke on his way down, and he stopped Mike Randalls dead in his tracks! If he can pull Randalls to the mat and scissor his legs around him, he might be able to pull this off!

ID: That’s one of the most unbelievable counters I’ve ever seen, Jesse. Worthy of the men who’ve held this fine trophy.

JC: Karl Brown, Dan Ryan, and now either Mike Randalls or Ravager will add their name to that vaunted list! And right now, Ravager could be just moments away from making his dream a reality! He’s got Randalls almost to the mat … wait just a minute! Randalls pulled him back up … and NOW he gets the spinebuster!

NOVA: That was freaking impressive.

JC: Mike Randalls mustered the strength to heave Ravager back into the air and slam him down!

[The crowd rises in anticipation again as Randalls hooks Ravager’s legs once again.]

JC: He’s got Ravager hooked … Santa Fe Cloverleaf!

ID: This is it!

JC: He’s wrenching … but he’s too close to the ropes! Ravager gets to the ropes and is still alive in the hunt for the Merritt Trophy!

NOVA: By a hair’s breadth, Chapel. If he was any further away, this thing would be FINISHED.

JC: Ravager’s back to his feet, but Randalls is on him once again! This man is relentless! Elbows back Ravager to the ropes … whip by Randalls … ROLLING ELBOW!


NOVA: Dude.

ID: Huh.

JC: Ravager just shook that off like it was NOTHING! Here comes Randalls again … rejected! Headbutt from Ravager! And another from the challenge champion! Randalls is staggering! Ravager scoops him up … EMERALD FROSION! This time he gets it, and now Ravager’s telling the crowd it’s all over!

ID: Has that worked yet?

JC: This time it might … GAROTTE! That deadly step-over toe hold cravate submission that’s put so many opponents away! He’s got it locked in smack dab in the center of the ring!

NOVA: He’s absolutely cranking away at Randalls’ back and neck, Chapel, and considering the damage that’s already been done, he can’t have any choice but to tap out.

JC: Ravager, the second seed in the London Region, is going to do it! Ronaldodinho, Cameron Cruise, Jonathan Marx, The Greatness that IS Olvir Arsvinnar, and now Mike Randalls will mark the road to victory!

NOVA: Maybe not!

ID: I don’t bloody believe this.

JC: Mike Randalls is still fighting! He’s refusing to tap out! This is absolutely UNBELIEVABLE!


JC: The crowd here in Atlanta is BEGGING Mike Randalls to hold on! They don’t want this absolutely EPIC match to end!


ID: These people are going absolutely bloody bonkers!

JC: And somehow, I have no idea on EARTH how, but Mike Randalls is inching his way towards the ropes! Second by second, inch by inch, he’s closing in on escape! Can he make it before he taps?

ID: No way.

NOVA: Possibly.

JC: Almost to the ropes…


MAKES IT! Randalls gets a hand on the bottom ropes, and although I can’t imagine how, we’re still going here in Atlanta. Both of these men want the Merritt Trophy too badly to ever give in!

NOVA: That’s what it comes down to, Chapel. They’re too evenly matched on the mat to decide a winner, so this one is going to come down to heart, guts, determination and a threshold for pain. Right now, I can’t tell who has the edge on that front, either.

ID: It’s like Batman and the Joker, chaps. These two may just be destined to do this forever.

JC: And I don’t think these fans here in Atlanta, nor the fans watching at home, would care how long they went on!

[Randalls, bleeding from several spots on his face, pulls himself up using the ropes, breathing heavily. Ravager, still favoring his knee and bleeding from the chest, waits for Randalls to turn around.]

JC: Superkick from Ravager … right on the jaw


NOVA: And now it’s Mikey’s turn to show FIGHTING SPIRIT~!

ID: Enduring all the previous arse-kicking didn’t show that?

JC: Randalls whirls around … DISCUS CHOP … nobody home! Ravager dives … LARRRIAAATTOOOOOO!!!

ID: Well, somebody’s a little TOO excited.

JC: Ravager brings him up … full nelson … LAST RESORT! HE HIT IT! HE HIT IT! Dropped him right on that damaged neck! Ravager’s going to win the 2008 Merritt Trophy!




NO! NO! Sweet Lord above, Kevin Bates saw Mike Randalls get a shoulder up!


[CUT-TO: Slo-mo, split screen replay, showing Randalls lifting his right shoulder an inch off the canvas just before Bates’ hand landed for the third time.]

ID: Blimey, what a bloody sodding match!

NOVA: That about sums it up, Dukester.

[Not deterred, Ravager hooks Randalls for yet another Last Resort.]

JC: One more has to finish it off! Last Resort … RANDALLS FLIPS FREE! He lands on his feet, rear waistlock … BACK. DROP. DRIVAAAAAHHHH!!! Shades of A1E legend Big Dog!

ID: One legend to another. Not a bad way to go.

JC: This one’s got to be over! Randalls crawls over for the cover…



THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…NOOOOOOOO!!! NO! This time, it’s Ravager’s turn to stun all of Atlanta once again!

NOVA: Becoming kind of a regular occurrence here tonight.

JC: Randalls brings him up … but catches a headbutt! And another! He will not stop with these headbutts …


JC: Chop to the side of the head by Randalls! That one dazed Ravager AGAIN! Irish whip … here comes the Wolf … handspring … HOOOOOOORRRNEEETTT SPLAAAASSSSHHH!! This time he connects!

ID: He was bound to hit it at least ONCE.

JC: Randalls feeds a leg to the wobbly shooter … Black Moon Rising … NO! Ravager ducked and caught the leg! Wheelbarrow … into a half nelson driver from the Brooklyn native! Another absolutely astounding counter in this spectacular battle of wills!

NOVA: This is going to come down to who can survive long enough to hold the other man down for three seconds.

ID: Isn’t that what all wrestling matches come down to?

[Instead of going for the cover, Ravager drags Randalls up and sets him on the top rope.]

JC: Ravager goes up top! Could be the Instant Karma!

ID: This won’t just win the match, this’ll break his bloody neck.

JC: Ravager’s got his head hooked … but Randalls won’t go up for him! He’s firing away with lefts and rights to the Challenge Champion’s body, and he broke the facelock! But that won’t stop Ravager! Headbutt! Chop! Headbutt! Chop! The battle is joined one more time, this time 10 feet above the arena floor!

NOVA: A treacherous position for both men here.


JC: Chop by Randalls … Ravager wobbles, but holds on … and hits another headbutt! And one more! He’s got him set up … into the air … INSTANT KARMAAAAAA – SWEET HOLY HELL!

NOVA: What in the name of Jeebus was that?

JC: AVALANCHE BACKDROP DRIVER BY RANDALLS! Just before Ravager spiked his head on the turnbuckle, Randalls floated over and sent Ravager crashing neck first onto the mat! I have never seen ANYTHING like that before in my life!

ID: Me neither, Chapel.

JC: Randalls back up top … could this be it … EXXXXXXIIIIITTTTTTT! EXIT! EXIT! SEVEN TWENTY HEADBUTT BY THE WOLF!!!!! He hit him square on the chest with unbelievable force!

NOVA: Can he even make the cover?

JC: Randalls is disoriented after that SPECTACULAR Exit! He’s crawling over…





ID: Dear Lord, he did it!



JC: It’s over! “Devastating” Mike Randalls has done it! He’s the 2008 winner of the Merritt Trophy! The man who came into this tournament Faceless is now known the world over as the winner of wrestling’s most prestigious tournament!

NOVA: That was something else, Chapel. I don’t know how either of these men survived one of the most physical, hardest-hitting matches in TEAM history, but Mike Randalls just proved to the entire world exactly where the Way ends.
[CUE UP: “Exit” by The Black Crowes as Kevin Bates pulls Randalls to his feet and raises his hand.]

MD: Ladies and gentlemen, thuh winner of thuh match and thuh winner of thuh 2008 TEAM Invitational Tournament … “THE WOLF” MIIIIIIIIIIKEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNDDAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLSS!!!!!

JC: A ten-year odyssey for Mike Randalls has paid off tonight in Atlanta, folks! An incredible encounter where sometimes it seemed he was DONE, an incredible opponent in Ravager, who still wears TEAM’s Challenge Championship with pride, but Mike Randalls stands tall, and here comes the prize.

[Indeed, coming down the aisle is TEAM co-anchor Tom Holzerman, wheeling the spectacular Merritt Trophy along with him. Holzerman steps into the ring, microphone in hand, and moments later several production crew members tote the trophy into the ring.]



TH: Mike Randalls, on behalf of the Phillips Arena, TEAM and every single person who had the privilege to watch your incredible run through this tournament, congratulations on an unbelievable achievement!

[That one-liner draws another massive POP! from the crowd.]

TH: It is now my honor to present you with the most prestigious prize in wrestling today. Mike Randalls, the Chad Merritt Trophy is your’s, because you outlasted a world-class field of 64 men and women to become the 2008 TEAM Invitational Tournament Champion!

[Randalls stares at the trophy for a moment, then takes it into his hands and raises it high in the air, prompting another humongous cheer!]

JC: Mike Randalls is the 2008 Merritt Trophy winner, and now he’s on a collision course with none other than you, Nov – where’s Nova?

ID: I think you should look up, Chapel.

[The crowd roars again, because the Champion of Champions has stepped into the ring and into Randalls’ face. The Risen Star stares down the Wolf, holding his championship belt high into the air. Smiling through a bloody face, Randalls lifts the Merritt Trophy even higher, not taking his eyes off Nova’s.]

JC: Dear God, what a confrontation! These two men are destined to meet for that belt in Nova’s hand, and when these two finally collide, can a building even SURVIVE the aftershock?

ID: All I know is, I want to find out. Badly.

JC: That’s it here from Atlanta, folks! For the Iron Duke, for Nova, for our entire crew here at TEAM, I’m Jess Chapel thanking you for joining us from the Phillips Arena and for the entire 2008 TEAM INVITATIONAL!! THERE HE IS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR 2008 MERRITT TROPHY WINNER … MIKE RANDALLS! GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!!!

[The last shot we see is over Randalls and Nova, eye to eye, Merritt Trophy to CoC belt, the roars of the crowd providing the soundtrack before we fade to the logo.]


Active member
Jun 18, 2004

Judging: Me, Lindz, Brunk, Chris v. 2.29384320, ChrisNova, Dan West, Adam S., errr... if you judged and I forgot you, cuz it's been awhile, post here! :)


Intro - TH
LL Extended Highlights - ChrisNova
Olvir's BR Extended Highlights - Strawsma (who else? :p)
FFA~! Match - "Hockeytown" Kevin Healy
Douglas Promo - Adam S. (of course)
CoC match - Adam S.
TiT Final - TH and Adam S. with a shout-out to Chris v. 2.23423 for volunteering for taking it on
Last edited:


League Member
Oct 31, 2005
Judging: Me, Lindz, Brunk, Chris v. 2.29384320, ChrisNova, errr... if you judged and I forgot you, cuz it's been awhile, post here! :)



Jan 1, 2000
I might've. Can't remember. Wrote too many CHRONIC COLLIZION!! promos between then and now.

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