TH: Our last match is another from Greensboro. The UCW Crew will call this one between James Irish and the hot rookie the Sergeant. This one was a BARNBURNER. Seriously, check it out. Match of the Year candidate right here.
---
[Cut again to G'boro.]
RC: Alrighty then, it's time for our big main event here in the legendary CSWA Auditorium.
RB: Don't you think it's just a little bit odd?
DR: What Bitterman, what's so odd?
RB: Odd that we, the announce crew of UCW, have to put over another fed's building?
DR: Oh, you agreed to do this just like we did. Shut your yap.
RC: Gentlemen, gentlemen, pipe down, we've got a killer match to call. Even though he is a rookie, The Sergeant has been turning heads since getting here to both EPW and TEAM.
DR: Tremendous work ethic, plus he's a veteran of the armed forces, so you know he's tough. I'd love to have him on the UCW roster.
RB: Yeah, just what we need, another flag waving patriot type in the business. *yawn* Wake me up when he's done saluting the flag.
[Cue up "We Right Here."]
RC: And of course, we have a special treat for everyone, announcing the matches on special loan from the CSWA [RB: *groan*], none other than the legendary Rhubarb Jones announcing our match this evening!
RJ: Introducing first, from Springfield, Missouri, weighing in at 201 pounds... THE... SERRRRRRGEANNNNNNNT!!!
[Enter the Sergeant to a good pop.]
RC: The Sarge is up and ready for action, and this Greensboro crowd showing its appreciation for this veteran of the Second Gulf War.
DR: He's looking ready to go, man, James Irish is going to have his work cut out for him.
RB: Jeez, couldn't we get someone interesting for this main event instead of these two clownshoes?
RC: Clownshoes? Rob, these are two great young talents.
[Cue up "I'll Drink to You."]
RJ: And his opponent, from Fredonia, New York, weighing in at 245 pounds, and being accompanied to the ring by Erin Flanagan... he is the current A1E Triple Star Champion... JAMESSSSSS... IRISSSSSHHHHH!!!
[Enter James and Erin to a thunderous pop.]
RB: Great young talents my butt. You know who's a great young talent? The First, that's who.
DR: Well yeah, but that doesn't mean Sarge and James aren't.
RC: Alright, enough of that, and by the way, it's always good to hear Rhubarb Jones, don't you agree?
DR: Yeah, legendary announcer.
RC: [cutting off Bitterman] And now the match action's starting. James has reached the ring, and we're ready to start.
[DING DING DING]
RC: This crowd is really buzzing for this match between these two fan favorites... waiting to see who's going to make the first move.
DR: I know Rich, it's pretty cool, if you ask me.
RC: It looks like The Sergeant is going to go first and... he's extending his hand!
RB: Oh you've got to be kidding me. I'm gonna throw up.
RC: What a display of sportsmanship from the Sergeant, and James accepts! It's very rare to see a show of respect like that in this day and age in this business.
DR: You're telling me. I half expected one of them to pull away and lunge in with a clothesline.
RC: Alright, now that that's done with, they step back and circle each other. And now James reaches in, so does Sarge. Collar and elbow, and Sarge takes advantage with the arm wringer. Sergeant holding on tight, but James Irish reverses the hold into a dragon's screw of the arm. Sarge goes flying to the canvas.
DR: The veteran showing the rookie how it's done early on in this match.
RC: Sergeant shaking his head and he's back to his feet. James is goading him to come back in and he takes the bait.
RB: Stupid n00b. I bet if that was an Iraqi 'insurgent,' he'd be a bit more careful.
RC: You may have a point there, Rob. But he's grappling with James again, and now Sarge with the side headlock. James squirming and jockeying, trying to get out and he's able to shove Sarge to the ropes. The Sergeant rebounds and goes for a clothesline, ducked by James Irish. Rebound off hte other side and James Irish with the big dropkick! The Sergeant sits up and he's in disbelief about how he let that sequence get away from him.
DR: And now James is pointing to his noggin!
RB: I hope that arrogance comes back to bite him in the ass.
DR: It's not arrogance, Rob. He's just letting Sarge know that he's making a few rookie mistakes here.
RC: Well Sarge is back to his feet and now they're back to grap... no! Sarge pulled away last second and he's taking advantage of James' lapse! The Sergeant scampers right behind and delivers a textbook atomic drop to James Irish!
RB: Haha, serves him right.
DR: And now Sarge is the one pointing to his noggin! Turnabout is fair play.
RC: I think these two realize they're more evenly matched for each other than they thought coming in. James back to his feet and they go at it again, this time the Sergeant with a quick elbow to James' head and now a double leg takedown! James is on the canvas and now Sarge with a big size 14 boot into the midsection of the A1E Triple Star Champion.
DR: Sarge knocking James off his game here early. It's very good strategy to rattle Irish early and keep him off his balance.
RC: Sarge grabs James from the canvas and whips him off the ropes. Irish rebounds and just eats a big Sergeant dropkick to the teeth! Irish down to the mat like a ton of bricks and Sarge covers...
...one...
...two...
...but James Irish kicks out. Sarge back down to the canvas, picking Irish up to his feet. Irish whip... [RB: No pun intended] but James reverses it into one of his own and... big time tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!
DR: Nice veteran reversal from James Irish here.
RC: Indeed, and now the Triple Star Champion is going on the attack, this time wearing down the rook with a rear chinlock.
RB: This kid is a bit rambunctious. Good move on Jimmy's part here. Too bad I still hate him.
DR: Duly noted, Bitterman.
RC: Irish with that chinlock cinched in, but Sarge is fighting it.
DR: Fighting it, and getting out of it, he's rising to his feet. James' grip on that hold isn't looking too strong right now.
RC: No it's not, he's struggling... and Irish just lets go and deftly grabs Sarge's head for the reverse DDT!
DR: What quickness!
RB: Yeah, he just pulled that out of nowhere.
RC: Irish covers...
...one...
...two...
...but Sarge kicks out. Irish back down to the canvas to pick the Sergeant up and... no wait, Sarge just broke out and hit him with a jawbreaker! James Irish flies back and Sarge shakes the cobwebs out.
DR: This has been a really tenacious match so far.
RB: More flip-flopping than John Kerry!
RC: James holding his jaw walking around the ring in circles, and he walks right into a boot in the gut from the Sergeant! DDT! DDT! Sarge is using James' own specialty against him! He covers...
...one...
...two...
...but James kicks out.
DR: Crisp DDT from Sarge there. Nicely executed.
RC: And now Sarge has James in a standing headscissors. Looking for piledriver, powerbomb, somethign like that. No wait, he's going for a bomb, up and... holy crap! James Irish just countered that bomb with a tornado DDT!
RB: I don't believe what I just saw there.
RC: Let's look at a replay.
[Split screen of Irish and Sergeant getting their wits about them live on one side and James Irish countering the powerbomb by leaping off of Sarge's shoulders and grabbing his head on the way down, twisting for a tornado DDT all in one fluid motion. Go back to full screen after that replay is finished.]
RC: Sarge gets up, but Irish is right over to pursue him. He grapples the Sergeant, traps his arms and one headbutt, two headbutts, and now they're coming in rapid succession.
DR: He calls that the Headbanger's Ball!
RC: James lets Sarge go, and the Sergeant is woozy!
RB: I don't know how Irish isn't just as woozy!
RC: I don't know either, but the woozy Sarge just walked into a boot to the gut and a DDT from Irish himself! James with the cover...
...one...
...two...
...but Sarge kicks out, so close there.
RB: This jarhead just won't quit.
RC: He is tenacious. James going to grab Sarge, picks him up to his feet. Irish Irish whips him and, no wait, Sarge reverses it, James rebounds, but Sarge catches him with a high elevation back body drop!
DR: He made Irish catch wicked air on that one.
RC: Indeed Doug. Sarge goes right to the ground and locks in a crossface chinlock. James is struggling, reaching for the ropes here. He's almost there, Sarge's grip on that crossface isn't that strong.
DR: I think he got it on a bad angle there.
RC: And James gets to the ropes. Sarge breaks immediately.
RB: What a dope! Doesn't he know he at least gets a five count?
DR: Maybe he's not a filthy cheater.
RB: Hey, it's not cheating. It's taking what the ref gives you.
RC: Regardless, Sarge didn't keep the hold locked in. James using the ropes to climb to his feet, and the Sergeant just rips him around... fisherman suplex!
One...
...two...
...but James kicks out!
DR: Sarge really taking it to James now.
RB: Yeah, get this over with. I'm tired of watching these two do-gooders.
RC: Sarge right up, and James is struggling to get to his feet. Sarge helps him along by yanking him by his hair. He's got him in position for a suplex or a DDT or something... wait, James blocks him and reverses into a Northern Lights suplex with a bridge...
...one...
...two...
...but Sarge kicks out! What a counter by James Irish!
RB: Is this match over yet?
DR: No Bitterman. Pipe down.
RC: Sarge right up to his feet and he rushes over to James, who counters with a drop toe hold. James goes back to work, wearing the rookie down with a rear seated choke.
RB: Choke? Disqualify him!
DR: Relax Bitterman, it's not an illegal choke.
RB: Damn.
RC: The Sergeant is reaching for the ropes and he's got 'em. James reliquishes the hold immediately.
RB: Aw jeez, c'mon, keep the hold on! You have five seconds!
DR: Hold on, you were calling for a DQ just two minutes ago, and now you want him to cheat?
RB: IT'S NOT CHEATING!
RC: Settle down. Sarge is up, but James is waiting for him. Boot to the gut and implant DDT! James covers...
...one...
...two...
...th... no! The Sergeant kicks out!
DR: So close... and man, James really knows every DDT variation in the book, doesn't he?
RC: That's his artform. The Sergeant is crawling to the ropes, but James is right behind him. Sarge, leaning on the second rope, and James Irish with the running start... LEAPS right on Sarge's back! A page out of the playbook of the late Big Bossman!
DR: That's gotta hurt.
RC: James now grabbing Sarge to his feet by the back of his shoulder, full nelson and he hits the fluid dragon suplex with a bridge...
...one...
...two...
...thr... no! Sarge kicks out again!
DR: This rook is resilient.
RB: Yeah, too resilient.
RC: James is signaling to the crowd, I think he wants to end the match.
RB: Thank God! Maybe next round, I'll have someone to root for.
RC: James dragging Sarge to his feet and gets behind him. Rear facelock, could we see the Air Check here?
DR: I think so. He's going with the back suplexing motion here.
RC: He's go... no! No! Sarge flipped behind him and is on his feet behind James Irish! Irish doesn't know it yet. He turns around, STANDING SIDEKICK from the Sergeant! James Irish staggers back, Sarge charges in, big lariat! James down to the canvas! Sarge with new life.
RB: Unfreakin'believable.
RC: Irish is climbing to his feet, on all fours, but Sarge is right in there with a stomp to James' fingers! James rolls over on his back, holding his hand, Sarge with a boot to the gut and a cover...
...one...
...two...
...but James kicks out! James still holding his hand in pain, he rolls over, on his knees, but Sarge rushes in with a knee lift to James' head! James back down to the canvas on his back, and Sarge rushes in, knee drop to Jame's head! Sarge back up, adn another knee drop, up and yet another knee drop!
DR: Trying to knock the A1E Triple Star Champion out!
RC: The Sergeant covers again...
...one...
...two...
...thr... no! James kicks out!
RB: Holy crap, could this match be longer?
RC: Sarge is up, he's stomping on James Irish mercilessly.
RB: I guess you could say it's boot camp?
DR: Not bad for a corny pun, Bitterman.
RC: Not bad at all. Sarge back down to the canvas, grabbing James by his hair to his feet, haymaker punch to James' face, and another, and another, James is on the ropes!
DR: Literally and figuratively!
RC: The Sergeant gears back, now charging in... BIG LARIAT! James over the top rope, and Sarge follows him out.
DR: This crowd is going nuts! Half of them are screaming for Sarge to finish them off! The other half are pulling for James to recover!
RB: And I'm hoping for a count out!
RC: Well if that's the case, it'll be a double, because Sarge is following out.
RB: Good, because of both of these idiots don't advance, I'll be happy.
RC: Sarge grabs James by the hair and throws him into the turnbuckle! James down like a ton of bricks! Sarge follows in, grabs him, slams Irish's head into the apron, once, twice, three times and now he's tossing him back into the ring.
DR: James' bell just got rung.
RC: Yeah, and now he's signaling to the crowd.
RB: Good! Finish this match!
RC: Sarge has James up, rear facelock. We may see the Corrective Training here... wait a second, James with an elbow to the gut! Sarge shaken, James with another elbow to the gut!
DR: This is insane! Where's he getting it from?
RC: Another elbow! The facelock is broken! James up and right behind Sarge, rear facelock of his own and he hits him wtih the Air Check! He got it this time! This match has got to be over! Cover...
...one...
...two...
...thr... NO! NO! NO! I can't believe it! Sarge just kicked out of the Air Check!
RB: Will this match ever be over?
RC: I don't know, but James stomps the Sergeant here, and he's looking at the turnbuckle.
DR: Air Irish!
RC: James climbs the top rope... he jumps... Funk #49... and he HITS IT! HITS IT! James is up, crawling over to the prone Sergeant. He covers...
...one...
...two...
...THREE!
RB: Finally!
[DING DING DING]
RJ: Here is your winner... JAMES... IRRRISSSSSHHHHHH!
RC: What a match! These two competitors gave it their all, it's a shame only one of them can advance to the second round.
DR: I agree, what a match.
RC: Sarge is up, and he's extending his hand!
RB: Don't do it! Not again!
RC: James accepts and Sarge is raising his hand! What a match! What a display of sportsmanship! Thank you everyone for joining us! This has been a presentation of TEAM on ESEN! Thank you and goodnight!
[Fade to black.]
