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TEAM and THE MARK present: 2006 Dupree Cup Finals!

TH

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[Fade into a shot of the two-tiered, cherrywood-based and silver topped Dupree Cup trophy, spinning around slowly against a black screen as Pink Floyd's "Hey You" cues up.]

JESS CHAPEL V/O: The Dupree Cup... twelve teams began on the hunt for this trophy, but now only two remain.

[Flash cut to a shot of Spoiler then to Chaos then back to the rotating trophy.]

JC V/O: There were competitors from around the globe. Some of them looked promising but flamed out early.

[Flash cut to Chainz pounding the mat, then back to the trophy.]

JC V/O: Some of them gave their all only to fall just short of the mark.

[Flash cut to Jason Payne with Derecho's blood painted on his chest, then back to the trophy.]

JC V/O: The lure of the trophy brought enemies together.

[Flash cut to Turk and Ryan Billows, then back to the trophy.]

JC V/O: It brought out the best in friends.

[Flash cut to Kyle Roberts and Bruce Richards with each other's hands raised, then back to the trophy.]

JC V/O: It was coveted by men who've already gained their notoreity in this business.

[Flash cut to Big Dog cracking his knuckles, then back to the trophy.]

JC V/O: And desired by those wanting to make a name for themselves the same.

[Flash cut to Titan on top of the scaffold, trying to gain balance.]

JC V/O: But in the end, only two teams were able to galvanize their efforts enough to make it to the final round.

[Flash cut to Hida Yakamo.]

JC V/O: Message Board Entertainment.

[Flash cut to HAL.]

JC V/O: New Era of Wrestling.

[Cut back to the trophy.]

JC V/O: All for the privilege to be the first fed to bring home the Chad Dupree Memorial Cup. Who has the desire? Who has the guts? Who... will prove to be the best TEAM?

[Cut to IrishRed and WhiteNoise.]

ROGER WATERS V/O: Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all...

[Cut to MWG and Mr. Entertainment.]

RW V/O: Together we stand, divided we fall.

[Cut back to the trophy, the music fades out and the Cup stops spinning for one moment before that scene fades out into a sold-out Continental Airlines Arena, filled to capacity with raucous fans, cheering their lungs out. Signs that can be seen read such messages as "Mr. Entertainment needs a name change," "F U William Morgan," and "WhiteNoise told me to piss off!" The cameras swivel around the arena as pyro explodes into deafening pops. Finally, we zoom in on tonight's broadcast crew, Jess Chapel and the Iron Duke, both clad in headsets and TEAM knit golf shirts.]

JC: We're live, we're loud, and we somehow packed 20,893 people into this arena like sardines! Welcome everyone to the Continental Airlines Arena for the TEAM Dupree Cup Final matchup here on Alternative Sports Network! I'm Jess Chapel, and here's my esteemed colleague, one Iron Duke.

ID: These bloody TEAM polos are so drab. I feel the urge to pop my collar, but then I'd probably get your knickers twisted.

JC: Damn right you would, Duke. Only fratboys and the Fonz pop their collars, and only one of them looks cool doing it.

ID: You bloody Americans and your infatuation with that infernal idiot box.

JC: Don't badmouth the TV, Duke, because it's gotten us where we are today, and that's with three matches left to decide who gets to take home the first ever Chad Dupree Memorial Cup. We have a barnburner of a matchup between two teams that have yet to lose a meet this tournament. Message Board Entertainment comes boasting some of the legends of the sport, guys like The Spoiler and Hida Yakamo, but don't discount New Era of Wrestling, especially with the way guys like HAL and Chaos have been wrestling.

ID: Well, I have to say, I'm surprised with this final contest, as I thought that if anyone was coming out of Group B, it was EPW. But let's give some credit where it's bloody due. NEW has shown the world that they do belong and that their talent, while relatively obscured to the rest of the wrestling world, is formidable.

JC: But you're still going with MBE, right?

ID: Bloody right I am. I gave my uncle some sage advice, so he bet 25 quid on them just last night. Hida Yakamo!

JC: Jinxing him tonight like you did during the TEAM Invitational, Duke?

ID: Bah, you Americans and your aversion to the supernatural...

JC: Be nice, Duke. Anyway, speaking of Chad Dupree, well, let's go to the ring.

[In the ring stands ring announcer Marvin Darling, in his tuxedo. Behind him, lined up from right to left are Christian Sands, Lindsay Troy, Dan Ryan and Rocko Daymon. Darling has a microphone in hand.]

MD: Hello East Ruthuhford, New Jersey, and welcome to the 2006 TEAM Dupree Cup Finals!

[Pop.]

MD: Before we begin, I would like everyone to bow your heads for a few moments of silence as we pay tribute to Chad Dupree, the man for whom this tournament is named in honor of. We will pay tribute to him tonight with a 21 bell salute.

[DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING...

DING!

A wide shot of all four wrestlers there in tribute shows them all emotional, on the verge of tears. A picture of Chad comes on the Big Screen with the words "In Memoriam, Chad Dupree" underneath it. Darling leaves the ring as the four wrestlers convene their vigil, hugging and walking back to the locker room.]

JC: A great man, and I can only hope that he's looking down on us from Heaven with a smile.

ID: Touching, touching indeed.
 

TH

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Red and WN vs. Mr. E and Chaos

JC: Alright, now let's honor Chad's memory by getting the proceedings started, and tonight, we're going to start off with a tag match, Duke.

ID: Ugh, I may have fiduciary interests in this on MBE, but it makes me feel so dirty that I have to root for IrishRed for things to work out.

JC: Put a little wager on MBE tonight, Dukey?

ID: No, but my poor uncle did.

JC: Ah, I see.

[That's Entertainment plays, and Mr. Entertainment makes his way to the ring, trying to hype up the crowd.]

ID: I have to say, I like this Mr. Entertainment fella.

JC: Probably because he is obnoxious and long-winded like yourself.

ID: Jess, will you be a good chap and stop talking now, before I have to give you what for.

JC: Just remember, I'm friends with a lot of wrestlers with who are more in shape than you are.

ID: Bollocks.

[Chaos joins his partner at ringside to the sounds of "You Could be Mine." They go over some last minute strategy.]

MD: Introducing first, weighing in a total combined weight of 539 pounds... they are CHAOSSS and MISTERRR ENTERTAIINMENTT!!

ID: I say, I do fancy TEAM NEW in this particular match. Mostly because I hate Irishred.

[Speak of the devil, "Whipping Post" starts up and Red storms down to ringside, tossing his MBE t-shirt into the throngs of fans. "Talk Show Host" begins to play. And Whitenoise emerges and starts a long, labored walk to ringside.]

MD: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of 515 pounds... WHITENOISE and IRISHREEEEDDDDDDD!!!

JC: MBE and NEW both had to beat some strong organizations to get here, but only one will emerge victorious. Here we go!

[Red and Mr. Entertainment start. Red grabs an amateur takedown and takes Mr. E to the mat. Mr. E reverses position and spins around on Red before adding a little dance.]

ID: Mr. Entertainment always gives the fans a good show.

JC: Seems like the fans don't exactly agree, and neither does Irishred.

ID: Well, I wouldn't give that curr the time of day.

[Red backs Mr. E into the corner and starts firing off rights to the body as the referee tries to separate them. Irish whip to the corner and Mr. E moves out of the way. Red stops his charge, but turns into an Impant DDT from Mr. E]

ID: Jolly good.

[Mr. E hits a standing moonsault and covers.]

JC: Red out at two.

[Mr. E whips Red off the ropes. Red holds on and Mr. E whiffs on a dropkick. Red tries to drop and elbow, but Mr. E moves out of the way. Red ducks an enzuigiri as he rises and follows with a belly to back suplex. He covers.]

JC: Mr. E out safely at two.

ID: And a very entertaining kick out it was.

[Red tags out to Whitenoise, and Mr. E tags out to Chaos]

JC: Now we get to see a battle of the big men.

[The two lock up and jockey for position. Chaos pulls Whitenise into the corner and feigns a clean break, but quickly goes to the eyes.]

JC: A cheap shot from NEW ERA.

ID: Hey, this is for more than just bragging rights, Chapel. This is for interfed supremacy. You better not be afraid to get your knuckles dirty.

[Chaos stomps down Whitenoise in the corner. Whip to the turnbuckle and Chaos adds a big corner splash. Whitenoise stumbles out of the corner into a spinning sidewalk slam. Chaos covers.]

JC: No! The MBEer gets his shoulder up.

[Chaos sets Whitenoise for a piledriver, but the big man reverses it, backdropping Chaos to the canvas.]

JC: Heady counter from Whitenoise. Chaos may have gone for a bit too much there.

[Whitenoise quickly picks up Chaos and hits an impressive hanging vertical suplex]

JC: Nice show of strength, as Chaos is far from a cruiserweight.

ID: And you are far from a passable play-by-play man. Leave the editorializing to me.

[Whitenoise drags Chaos to the MBE corner and tags in Red. Whitenoise lays Chaos across his knee and Red adds a forearm shiver across the throat.]

JC: Not a ton of double teams so far. Not unexpected seeing as these two teams aren't composed of regular tag partners.

[Red adds a knee drop to the prone Chaos and covers.]

JC: No, only a two count, there.

ID: Certainly it will take more than that to take down a colossus like Chaos.

[Chaos gets back to his feet as Red tries to chop the big man back down with right hands.]

ID: What a ruffian that Irishred is.

[Red tries to whip Chaos off the ropes, but finds it reversed. Mr. E surreptitiously pulls down the top rope, sending Red tumbling to the floor. Whitenoise moves to help his partner, but the ref orders him back to his corner, giving Mr. E time to lay in the boots to the dazed Red outside the ring.]

ID: There's your teamwork right there, Chapel.

JC: I suppose so.

[Mr. E helpfully rolls Red back into the ring and into the waiting arms of his tag partner, who delivers a big time suplex before tagging in the Entertaining one.]

[Mr. E springboard in, but merely lands on his feet and kicks Red in the kidneys.]

ID: Spectacular!

[Mr. E follows that up with a standing shooting star press and covers.]

JC: Red gets a shoulder up.

ID: I want season tickets to Mr. Entertainment. I know I will get my bloody money's worth.

[Mr. Entertainment fires off a shoulder breaker and smoothly transitions into an arm bar. Red makes the ropes to force a break, but is dragged into the NEW Era corner.]

ID: Textbook tag team wrestling. Isolate one man, break down a body part, cut off the ring. It makes me feel all warm inside.

[Mr. E tags out to Chaos, who stomps down on Irishred's shoulder. Red tries to stand up through the assault, but is quickly knocked back down with a running clothesline. Chaos covers.]

JC: Ooh! Two and a half!

[Chaos tags out to Mr. E and holds down Red's arm. Mr. E slingshots in with an elbow drop, driving the point of his elbow into Red's shoulder. He follows with a fujiwara armbar.]

JC: Red could be in trouble. He needs to make a tag soon.

ID: He needs to tap out and not delay the inevitable. I want to break for a soda.

JC: Not a spot of tea?

ID: Come now, my good man that would be a bit stereotypical, don't you think?

[Mr. E goes for another shoulder breaker, but Red wriggles free and lands on his feet. He drives some knees up into E's kidneys before adding a neckbreaker for good measure.]

JC: Can Red make the tag?

ID: I would well think not with the drubbing he has taken.

[Red crawls to his corner, but finds his ankle hooked by Mr. E's legs. Mr. E makes the tag as Red tries to free himself but quickly finds himself on the receiving end of a running splash from the monster Chaos.]

ID: So close, yet so far. And now, so squashed.

[Chaos covers]

JC: No! Red is out again. The MBE superstar is a one tough bastard.

[Chaos quickly applies his figure four sleeper.]

JC: That is not a spot Red wants to be in. His oxygen is quickly being cut off by the massive legs of Chaos.

ID: Well, I suppose I will be going for that soda soon enough.

[Red is fading fast. The ref checks on him. His hand drops once…twice…]

JC: No! Red is still in it. Listen to this capacity crowd.

ID: I'd rather not.

[Red rolls Chaos up onto his shoulders. The ref counts the pinfall.]

JC: Chaos kicks out, but he had to abandon his submission.

[Red groggily stumbles to his feet and off the ropes. Chaos sets Red for a spinebuster, but the MBE star counters into a snap DDT.]

JC: There is is! What a counter by Irishred! He just needs to make the tag now.

[Red and Chaos both crawl to their respective corners, as Whitenoise paces like a beast waiting to be let out of its cage. Chaos tags in Mr. E. Mr. E charges across the ring…]

JC: Mr. E is a second too late. And here is WHITENOISE!

[Whitenoise knocks Mr. E to the ground with a knee lift. Mr. E is back up, but runs into a big boot. Chaos tries his luck, but charges straight into a Bossman Slam.]

JC: Whitenoise is literally on fire!

ID: I literally don't see any flames there, Chapel

[Whitenoise is on Mr. E again, and the NEW superstar is on the receiving end of a Razor's Edge powerbomb. Whitenoise covers.]

JC: No! Chaos is there to make the save.

[Red dropkicks Chaos through the ropes and follows himself]

JC: TOPAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY RED! Both men are down on the outside!

ID: Are you about finished there?

[In the ring, Whitenoise sets Mr. E for his trademark Butterfly Powerbomb.]

JC: The silent assassin calls this the needle drop, and this could be the last call for Mr. E

[Mr. E counters with a snap huricanrana]

ID: Out of nowhere a quite entertaining counter from Mr. Entertainment

[Whitenoise is up first, but Mr. E goes downstairs and follows with a superkick.]

JC: And Whitenoise topples like a giant oak tree.

ID: Mr. Entertainment with the cover…

JC: No! Whitenoise kicks out at two!

[Mr. E points up to the top rope and heads up top. He sets himself up top, but finds Irishred locked around his ankle.

ID: There is nowhere for Mr. Entertainment to go. This is completely unfair.

[Whitenoise gets back to his feet and stalks over to the NEW Era star.]

JC: Nowhere but down, it would seem.

[Chaos meets Red on the apron and tosses him off, throat-first onto the barricade.]

ID: And that is the end of Irishred. Thankfully.

[Whitenoise sets Mr. E for a gorilla slam, but Chaos clips him and Mr. E lands on top.

JC: No! Only two and a half.

ID: TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Whitenoise is out.

JC: He's not even the legal man, get him out of there.

[The ref ushers Chaos out, but Mr. Entertainment leaps up top and follows with an impressive 450 Splash. He covers]

JC: This could be it.

ID: YES! IT'S THREE!

MD: Here are your winnuhs... CHAOS and MISTERRR ENTERTAAAIIINNNMENTT! [Pause] NEW has gone up one match to none!

JC: And New Era goes up, one match to nothing! What an exciting start to the Finals proceedings!

ID: Indeed Duke, but now that that's out of the way and that bloody wanker Red lost, we can move on to MBE sweeping the last two matches.

JC: We'll see about that, but first, let's check back to the TEAM Studios in West Chester for an update from Tom Holzerman. Tom?
 

TH

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2nd Annual TEAM Invitational Announcement!

[We cut to Tom Holzerman sitting at the TEAM update desk with a Karl Brown inset behind him.]

TH: That's right Jess, I have a huge announcement from the TEAM tournament division camp. Last year, the TEAM Invitational Tournament kicked off proceedings here for our little interweb of activity between all the major wrestling promotions. One year later, we're going to be doing it again. The 2007 TEAM Invitational Tournament will begin after SuperShow II, and we'll announce the brackets live during breaks in the show, which will emanate from Austin, TX this year. Will Karl Brown, last year's Merritt Trophy winner, be able to repeat, or will someone new come out of the woodwork?

And as it was last year, the tournament will be open invitational, first come, first serve. So the first 32 wrestlers who want in will get in, but of course, we will save spots for both Brown and Victor Molotov, our finalists from last year. We don't have word on whether either of them will participate again, but the offer's there. Back to you, Jess.

[Cut back to the Meadowlands.]

JC: So there you have it. I can't believe we're over one year old now, Duke.

ID: I know. I never thought we were going to make it to the bloody Tournament of Champions, but here we are, no thanks to you, of course.

JC: Duke, what did I tell you about airing that kind of thing in public.

ID: Ah bugger off. It's all in good fun.
 

TH

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Spoiler vs. MWG, Last Man Standing

JC: Anyway, it’s time for our next match, the Last Man Standing affair between Spoiler and MWG. Duke, what do you expect to see in this one?

ID: What I expect to witness is the bloody Force of Nature systematically destroying MWG until he can no longer answer the 10 count.

JC: Let’s head to the ring for the introductions...

[“Put Your Lights On” by Santana & Everclear echoes through the arena as the Force of Nature, The Spoiler, makes his way to the ring. Pyrotechnics ignite at the entranceway as Spoiler continues his steady march to the ring, paying no attention to the fans or their approval or disapproval of him.]

MD: Introducing first, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 302 pounds, he is the Force a’ Nature… THE SPOILLLERRRR!!

JC: The Force of Nature looks to be all business tonight. There is a lot riding on this match.

ID: MBE is looked at with respect and reverence as a legendary wrestling organization of the past. Unfortunately, the recent reinvention of MBE has not been met with rave reviews. Be that as it may, MBE mainstays such as six-time MBE Heavyweight Champ Spoiler have led this team to the finals. Whether they are a cohesive unit or not, this group from MBE wants to send the entire world a message.

JC: And here they sit, fighting in the last meet of the Dupree Cup for the right to call themselves the better organization.

[“Faggot” by Mindless Self Indulgence echoes throughout the arena. MWG appears through the curtains in a zebra-print trench coat. He acts as weird and crazy as he normally does, and most of the fans seem to forget how much they dislike The Spoiler... they have a new target of hate and revulsion now.]

MD: And his opponent, weighing in at 232 pounds and coming from the land where the sun shines and the birds sing… EMMM DUBBYAA… GEEEEE!!!

ID: Here is the competition. This man is about as nutty as they come, and I can never get over that bloody trench coat that he always wears.

JC: The fans seem to be getting behind Spoiler after remembering who he is going to be facing. I think the only fans in the audience that are cheering for MWG right now are the hardcore New ERA fans.

ID: Jess, you have to remember that the paying fan hasn’t come her to cheer a specific organization. Most of the fans just want to see their favorite wrestler come out victorious. In this case, they’ve chosen what they seem to believe is the lesser of two evils.
[MWG is in the ring and almost immediately the match is under way.]
[DING DING DING DING!!!!!]

JC: There is the bell and the start of this exciting Last Man Standing match!

ID: Spoiler is wasting no time. He just stalked his way across the ring and has MWG by the throat!

JC: OH! Did you just see him?! He threw MWG across the ring by his neck!!!!! If MWG’s head wasn’t in the match, it should be now!

ID: What are you talking about? After that, most normal men’s head would be somewhere out in crowd. MWG is lucky he is still intact!

[Spoiler is headed back on the attack, slowly approaching MWG. MWG shakes the cobwebs loose and suddenly makes a play for Spoiler’s legs.]

JC: Smart move by MWG to brings this fight back down to his level... literally. That sliding kick to Spoiler’s shin took him down to one knee.

ID: MWG stood up and kicked Spoiler in the side of the head!

JC: Well, that didn’t do what he was hoping. Spoiler just turned to face MWG again and has both hands clasped around the little guy’s throat!

[Spoiler stands up, still holding MWG by the throat. MWG’s legs are dangling for a moment. He seems to get very calm and positions himself with one of his legs drawn back...]

JC: OUCH! MWG just kicked Spoiler right in the mommy-daddy button!

ID: I wonder if Spoiler has kids? If he doesn’t, he might never have any...

JC: Unless of course he adopts.

ID: What kind of crazy person would let Spoiler adopt a child?!?!?!

JC: Spoiler dropped MWG, who is now unloading some lefts and rights. He runs to the ropes with Spoiler in tow...

ID: How the...

JC: Tornado DDT! That was impressive!

ID: I did not expect him to be able to bring Spoiler along for that ride.

[MWG is slow to get up, but so is The Spoiler.]

JC: I think MWG is trying to regain his composure. Spoiler took a lot out of him in the opening stages of this match.

ID: If I was MWG, I’d stay on the attack. Letting Spoiler catch his breath before you know you have him where you want him is never a very smart move.

JC: I’d have to agree with you.

[MWG takes his boot and starts trying to choke Spoiler with it. The ref counts to four on six separate occasions. Each time the ref gets to four, MWG lets up but quickly resumes the choke with the boot.]

JC: The ref is finally getting between MWG and The Spoiler, as MWG was not about to let up with that illegal choke.

[Spoiler rolls over, still holding his throat, but starts to get to his feet.]

ID: MWG closes back in on Spoiler with a very sound game plan...

JC: Spoiler just booted an attacking MWG in the gut! It could be time!

Duke and JC: SPOILERB...

[MWG rolls out of the Spoiler Bomb on the upswing. He seems to try and plant Spoiler’s face into the mat, but can’t seem to get the leverage on the big guy so he just lands on his feet. As soon as his feet plant on the mat, Spoiler levels him with a stiff short arm clothesline.]

JC: Oh my Lord! Spoiler was close to finishing this match early from the looks of things, but MWG managed to escape.

ID: Yeah, if you call that escaping. Bloody hell, that boy is going to leave the ring with more than his fair share of concussions.

JC: Indeed. Both men seem to be in top form. I don’t think anybody will deny that.
[Spoiler once again picks MWG up by the throat with both hands. He moves him over to the top turnbuckle.]

ID: What is Spoiler going for here?

JC: He’s got MWG in a piledriver position now as he stands on the second rope.

[Spoiler seems to lose his balance, which leans him forward. MWG’s feet touch the mat and he tries to send Spoiler moving forward.]

JC: Ooooh! Spoiler was trying for a powerbomb, but instead got slammed to the mat in a makeshift fashion!

ID: We need to look at that in an instant replay. It looked to me that MWG’s head was still between Spoiler’s legs and may have connected with the mat in a wrenching and devastating manner.

[Cue up the split screen. In the current action screen, MWG and The Spoiler lay side-by side with heads pointing in opposite directions. In the instant replay, it’s made painfully obvious that while the big man received the body slam, MWG had his head hit VERY hard.]

JC: There you have it. Both men are hurting, but it looks like Spoiler is stirring more between the two of them.

Ref: ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

[Spoiler rises to his feet. MWG is starting to get up, too.]

SIX!

SEVEN!

JC: MWG is up to his feet and immediately engaged by The Spoiler. Scoop Slam by Spoiler.

ID: Look at MWG writhing in pain...

[Spoiler helps MWG up to his feet before picking him up over his shoulder.]

JC: Shoulder breaker from Spoiler. MWG is definitely feeling the effects of that fall he took earlier.

ID: It looks to only be getting worse for the crazy man. Spoiler is not letting up.

JC: Well, in a match like this... a Last Man Standing match... you need to make sure that your opponent is out of commission. There is no three count where you are holding him down. This is all about totally crippling your opponent.

[Meanwhile, Spoiler has once again helped the smaller man to his feet. MWG drops to his knees and executes another low blow. As Spoiler drops to his knees, MWG hooks the big man into a guillotine choke.]

JC: Look at this! This isn’t usually in MWG’s play book... he’s trying to choke Spoiler out!

ID: This is a really hard thing to do to a guy that is the size of a man such as Spoiler. Look at how Spoiler is using his size to pin MWG to the canvas and give himself a little bit of breathing room.

JC: You’re right. Spoiler doesn’t seem to be in too much trouble in this predicament. Spoiler arches forward, trying to apply pressure.

ID: That’s right, crush the bloody queer!

JC: Duke!

ID: Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, and ff he can weather the storm that is Spoiler’s size and brute strength, he may be able to choke the big man out. Bloody hell!

JC: Spoiler once again arches his body forward, trying to crush him.

ID: Spoiler is starting to fade!

JC: That looks to be true. Spoiler is breathing very heavily and isn’t putting the energy into imposing his will onto MWG as he was before.

[Spoiler heaves a few times, but seemingly gets a surge of energy from getting angry. He takes a deep breathe and practically hurls his large frame up to his feet with MWG still holding on to the guillotine choke. He surges forward...]

JC: BAM! Right into the turnbuckle and the MWG just released his guillotine!

ID: Spoiler hasn’t let go of MWG in return, though. He’s got him in a bearhug!

JC: Not for long... he tries spinning MWG into another piledriver but he wiggles free and hit Spoiler with a reverse DDT!

[Both men once again are laying prone on the mat. The ref starts his count...]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

[This time, MWG is first to stir a little.]

FIVE!

SIX!

[MWG is on his feet and heads slowly to the top turnbuckle.]

JC: This could be a patented diving headbutt... IT IS! Diving headbutt and Spoiler looks to be in a lot of trouble.

ID: MWG mistakenly tries to go for a pin but the ref doesn’t count.

JC: I can’t believe how fast and furious this match has been! What a match on this, the last night of the Dupree Cup!

ID: Many wrestling feds sent their best and brightest to compete here in the Dupree Cup and by George, I think its easy to see why MBE and NEW have made it as far as they have. It’s all because of people like these.

[Spoiler is trying to shake off the effects of the diving headbutt from earlier as MWG stomps on him for good measure. Seeing as this isn’t stopping Spoiler from getting up, MWG gets down in his face and starts biting him furiously.]

JC: He’s biting Spoiler! It looks like he’s trying to literally bite the face off of Spoiler!

ID: I think this boy just went feral. Somebody call the bloody dog pound!

JC: Spoiler isn’t having any of that! He just grabbed the rabid MWG by the throat yet again! He’s on his feet... MWG looks scared... he hoists MWG up by one hand... AND BRINGS HIM CRASHING TO THE MAT! CHOKESLAM!

ID: That will rattle anyone’s cage!

JC: But look at Spoiler... he just dropped to his knees! He looks just a little disoriented.

ID: The ref is counting, but since Spoiler is on his knees this has to be for MWG.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

Spoiler is up on his feet and shaking his head! He just broke the count by picking MWG up to his feet!

JC: I think he’s taking MWG back up to the top turnbuckle!

ID: This didn’t help Spoiler out much last time...

JC: He sets MWG up on the top turnbuckle. He starts to climb but MWG is firing lefts and rights... he looks to be fighting for his life up here.

ID: Spoiler seems bound and determined to finish MWG from the top rope!

JC: Still they fight, with MWG getting the better of the exchange!

[Spoiler stumbles down from the second rope. MWG jumps in pursuit with a flying double-axehandle. Spoiler stumbles backwards and then crashes to the mat.]

JC: Both MWG and Spoiler seem to be running out of gas. Neither of them have been able to pick themselves up off of the mat.

ID: Spoiler has executed more than his fair share of power moves to make sure that MWG stays down and out, but this nut job... this MWG has fought back at every bloody turn.

JC: The ref with the count...

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

MWG back to his feet before Spoiler.

ID: The ref has stopped his ten count, but it looks like Spoiler isn’t that much further behind MWG.

JC: Oh! Solid roundhouse kick to Spoiler’s face while he was still on his knees! Spoiler is rocked!

ID: MWG is helping the Force of Nature up to his feet.

JC: It looks like he’s going for a DDT... NO! Spoiler just hoisted MWG up in the air! SPOILER BOMB!

ID: This is it! This is it! Count ref! COUNT!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

[Spoiler is standing over MWG, waiting for the ten count.]

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

NINE!

JC: Oh my! MWG just shot up! The ref has stopped the count!

ID: I don’t know how he did it! Spoiler doesn’t look happy at all! Bloody hell!

JC: Spoiler isn’t letting this one get by him... another SPOILER BOMB!

[Spoiler sits over his opponent with a look of intensity.]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

[MWG is stirring...]

NINE!

[He’s to his knees and quickly dives at Spoiler, delivering yet another low blow.]

JC: I don’t believe it! MWG has picked himself up and delivered another shot to the nether region of Spoiler.

ID: MWG just rebounded of the ropes...

JC: ... but Spoiler caught him by the throat again! MWG’s head is thrust downward... SPOILER BOMB! That is the third Spoiler BOMB!

ID: But Spoiler just doubled over and hit the canvas. His groin has got to be feeling all of the punishment he has been taking down there, not to mention all of the bloody feats of strength that could have torn a muscle.

JC: I never even thought of that! I’m sure that when Spoiler powered out of that guillotine earlier in the match it did some damage.

Ref: ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

[Spoiler is trying to take his mind off of his groin pain and force his way up to his feet, but can put the pain behind him. Meanwhile, MWG is motionless on the canvas.]

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

[Spoiler has rolled over to his knees but still can’t get up. MWG is down and hasn’t moved
for the entire count.]

EIGHT!

NINE!

[Spoiler stands the rest of the way up.]

TEN!!!!!!!!!!

[DING DING DING DING!!!!!]

JC: There we have it! Spoiler just tied this thing up in a barnburner!

MD: Here is your winnuh… THE SPOIIIILLLERRR!! This meet is tied at one match apiece!

ID: MWG gave a valiant effort but, like I said at the beginning, Spoiler was just too much for him. You’re not known as a bloody Force of Nature unless you’re tough.
 

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Vacant CoC and a SuperShowShakeUp

JC: Now, before we get to the final match of this meet, I've got some shocking news regarding the Championship of Champions. D!, the current titleholder, has been stripped of his Championship.

ID: Bloody Norah! What in blazes is going on there?

JC: Well, he was fired from New Alberta Pro Wrestling for erratic behavior backstage. TEAM officials tried to meet with him about it, and he continued his erratic behavior. We felt no other choice was appropriate than to strip him.

ID: Bloody hell... what happens now, with everything that was supposed to occur with Mr. Amazing!?

JC: Well, at SuperShow II, live on Alternative Sports Network in Austin, TX, we're going to have a match for the vacant Championship of Champions.

ID: You're bloody well including Mr. A!, right?

JC: Will you let me finish? Sometimes you're just like a blue-assed fly.

[Jess shakes his head.]

JC: Anyway, yes, Mr. Amazing! will get his chance to claim the belt that eluded him at the Tournament of Champions, but standing in his way will be current Global Wrestling World Champion and Tournament of Champions semi-finalist Jake Hix.

[The crowd pops at that announcement. Obviously huge Jake Hix fans!]

ID: Bloody hell!

JC: Yep. Also at SuperShow II, we'll tenatively have Derecho vs. Jason Payne, and I know alot of you have been looking forward to that. There are some rumblings that it might not happen at that SuperShow, but it will happen some time on TEAM programming, I can promise you that. But to refrain from being a complete and total downer, the other big event that will happen at SuperShow II will be the inaugural FREE FOR ALL~! Championship Match.

ID: Bloody what?

JC: Damn Duke, you're like the interrupting cow. Anyway, the FREE FOR ALL~! Championship is an all-comers, battle royale Championship that TEAM is instituting. Basically, it's every man for himself in a giant brawl, and the winner gets gold. Plus, it's always defended like that, all-comers, no restrictions.

ID: That sounds like it could be the cat's meow or a bloody mess.

JC: Either way, it'll be interesting.

ID: Just like the second annual TEAM Invitational Tournament.

JC: Yep, that's right, the next TEAM Invitational Tournament is around the corner. Remember last year when Karl Brown won, Duke?

ID: I remember it like it were yesterday, Jess. Britannia may not rule the waves or the blasted soccer field, but we rule the bloody wrestling ring!

JC: And you call us Americans jingoistic pigs.

ID: Because you are!

JC: *sigh* Anyway, I'm still in shock over these sudden events surrounding the Championship of Champions.

ID: Well Chapel, you're going to have to bloody get over it, because that wanker D! made his own bed with his actions. You're just going to have to accept that Mr. Amazing! is going to take his rightful place as the titleholder.

JC: Now hold on just one second, Duke. He's still gotta beat Jake Hix. I mean, he's the current Global World Champion, and unlike Mr. A!, he's not coming off a long break after falling off a damn scaffold.

ID: Greatness overcomes those things, Chapel.
 

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HAL vs. Hida Yakamo

JC: Well, anyway, it's time to settle this once and for all. Mr. Entertainment and Chaos took the opener. Spoiler won the Last Man Standing match, and this final is all knotted up at one match apiece. This one is for all the marbles, Duke.

ID: Bloody right it is, but let's not kid ourselves here. This match is a mere formality for MBE. Hida Yakamo is the superior athlete. I mean, HAL is a buggered computer nerd!

JC: Computer nerd or not, Duke, he's put NEW on his shoulders and carried them this far. Appearances are deceiving. I mean, one look at you and people might think you're a man of class!

ID: Oh bugger off.

[Ding ding ding!]

MD: This match is scheduled for one fall and will decide thuh winnuh of the inaugural Chad Dupree Memorial Cup!

[The crowd pops at the mention of the Cup and then settles down at the opening riff of "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC fills the arena.]

MD: Introducin' first, representin' Team MBE and hailin' from Tokyo, Japan, weighin' in at 198 pounds... the Asian Wonder... HIDA... YAKAAAAMMOOOOOOOO!!

[There's a mixed reaction in the crowd.]

JC: Listen to that reaction, Duke! Usually, Hida is apt to be booed out of the freaking building, but tonight, not as much.

ID: Could it be that these unwashed cretins have finally understood what greatness looks like?

JC: I wouldn't say that, but there's a definite contingient here pulling for MBE. In fact, look at the front row there. Those guys are in the front row of the MBE Arena every time they run a show there.

[Hida strides confidently to the ring with El Yakamocito in his right hand.]

ID: Well Jesse, I guess it's possible for people to show a world-class wrestler some respect, even if it's by accident.

JC: Duke, if you ask any fan in this arena what they think of Hida Yakamo, the wrestler, they'll definitely show their respect, but he's just such an ass that they can't just look at the wrestling ability.

ID: There you go with your blasted Philadelphia attitude, wanting everyone to have the same character as your Rocky or your other blue collared twats you worship. Get over it, real wrestlers don't get grease in their fingernails.

JC: *sigh*

[Hida enters the ring where referee Roland Priest of the UWA confiscates El Yakamocito and checks him for other foreign objects.]

ID: And that bloody referee from Philadelphia is the same as you.

JC: No, he's not. All referees for this match have been instructed to prevent the use of foreign objects, Duke. They've also been instructed to call the match very liberally.

ID: Bloody hell Jesse, are you daft? That's contradictory!

JC: Not really Duke. You can relax the rules without breaking them.

MD: And his opponent, representin' NEW, weighin' in at 255 pounds and hailin' from Redwood, Washington...

[Cue up Weird Al's "All About the Pentiums" and another mixed reaction from the crowd. Harold A. Lumbourgh enters as the NEW fans in attendance rain down their cheers on him.]

JC: Now it's HAL's turn to soak up the cheers from his fans.

ID: Cheers yes, but I definitely hear some jeering.

JC: That's because the MBE Arena crowd is in the front row, and man are they loud. But that's the thing about the Dupree Cup. There are no faces and heels. It's just like rooting for the home team.

ID: There you go bloody exposing the business again.

JC: Hey, I think you did more of that with your comment than I did. Besides, fans are smart today anyway. They know what I meant.

[HAL reaches the ring and he's searched. Hida, in his corner, stares a hole through the former computer programmer.]

ID: I'd say not, Jesse, but if you're done making daft comments, I believe the match is about ready to start.

JC: Indeed it is Duke. Indeed it is, and look at them. This contest tied at one match apiece and both of them, Hida and Lumbourgh, they both know what's at stake. It's more than a trophy, it's more than a tournament, the pride of the entire wrestling world is at stake here, the pride of both proud companies...

[DING DING DING! The match begins as both men charge across the ring and lock up.]

JC: ...and they waste no time! Locking up, and look at them! The tenacity! Both men are trying to rip each other's arms off to get an advantage...

ID: This isn't like Hida at all! He's usually cunning!

JC: Maybe he's caught up in all this too! Clean break as both men step back to the old drawing board here. I think maybe Hida know realizes what he was doing in there, because you're right Duke, Cup or no Cup, that was uncharacteristic for the Asian Wonder.

[They lock back up in a collar and elbow tieup.]

ID: See, that's why I'm the bloody best when it comes to commentators.

JC: Yeah Duke, keep believing that...

[Hida transitions into a hammerlock.]

JC: And there we see the Asian Wonder transitioning into his game, wrenching that arm behind HAL, wait a second, HAL with the reversal! He's got that hammerlock in now, and Hida breaks with a well-placed shot to the face.

ID: The Asian Wonder has educated elbows.

JC: Well duh, Duke, but now we're back to where we started. This match turned quickly from an emotionally charged affair to a game of cat and mouse. I know it's only been two sequences, but...

ID: Don't be daft, Jesse. Emotion is emotion, but the Asian Wonder is crafty no matter what mood.

[They go in for another grapple, but Hida stops short and HAL stumbles forward. Hida quickly goes behind him with a waistlock.]

JC: And he just showed it there! He's got reflexes like a damn cat!

ID: I bloody told you!

JC: Hida struggling. Does he want a German here, or maybe a back body drop? No! Olympic style takedown, worthy of the gold medal.

[HAL gets to his feet and scoots away, back to a guarded position.]

JC: They're back at it again, and AGAIN! Hida fakes him out and HAL's stumbling forward again...

[Hida nails HAL with a dropkick to the knee.]

JC: What impact! HAL falls forward!

ID: Bah, you'd think he'd learn. This is what happens when you put your team's hopes of winning against a top man like Hida on a greenhorn. The Asian Wonder is bloody toying with him now.

JC: I'd tend to agree, although it's still, very, VERY early in this matchup.

[HAL on all fours.]

ID: Not too early for a rout and a swift MBE win.

JC: What, do you have money on them? I mean... DEAR LORD! Did you see that? Hida just nailed him with another dropkick, this time to the head with pinpoint precision!

ID: Like I said, toying with him like a cat toys with a mouse.

JC: Oh geez, let's look at that again on the Lays Crunch Cam Replay.

[We go picture in picture as we see a slow motion replay of the dropkick. On the live shot, Hida has applied a side headlock.]

JC: I mean, look at the height he gets here, combined with the pinpoint accuracy. I think he got HAL right in the temple.

ID: I'm telling you, with moves like that, it's hard to bet against them.

JC: You put fifty quid on this meet, didn't you?

ID: Bloody hell, no I wouldn't do such a thing. However, my Uncle Ripley did, and if he doesn't win, he loses his house. I cannot in good nature root for a loved one to lose his property.

JC: Oh geez, I can hear the violins now. Here we go, HAL's getting some of his legs back, powering up from that headlock he's been in. See Duke, he's still got some fight left in him.

ID: Bah, he's just waiting to get snuffed out again.

JC: [Paying no mind to Duke's last comment] HAL shoves Hida off him. Clothesline from HAL, ducked! Turn around HAL, now... aww, no, too late!

[Hida nails a just-turned-around HAL with a calf kick.]

JC: And Hida Yakamo, much to the delight of my colleague here, continues to play cat and mouse with HAL here.

ID: And it should be expected too. That bloody buggered nerd is still so green.

[Hida runs the ropes as HAL is still prone.]

JC: That much is true Duke, but he's been damn impressive in this tournament. Somersault senton splash from the Asian Wonder into a cover, kick out at two. As I was saying...

[Hida grabs HAL's head and slams it back on the mat once.]

JC: He's got victories over Big Dog, Dan Ryan, Ravager! Those are some of the biggest names in the industry right now. Another somersault senton from Hida and another cover, and another kickout at two.

ID: I love how you pay little mind to two astoundingly graceful moves.

[Hida is laying the boots to HAL's chest and stomach area now.]

JC: I'm not Duke. I just got a little caught up there, you know.

ID: Well, your job is to call the action, not fellate the underdog.

JC: Aww jeez Duke, why don't you just tell everyone how you really feel here. Hida now with that bow and arrow lock sinched in, and HAL doesn't look to be in a good way here.

ID: Well, if you'd stop being so bloody daft and pay attention, you'd know that those splashes targeted the midsection, as did those stomps. He's working a body part.

JC: Ladies and gentlemen, the Iron Duke! [Duke mutters something under his breath.] Hida is just relentless with that hold. I have to say, Duke. He is a master of submissions.

ID: Indeed Jesse, and he makes them look so routine. Although quite frankly, this is too little, too late.

JC: Pipe down, Dukey. There's still plenty of match for me to adequately fluff your favorite wrestler. Sheesh. Hida loses his balance there and the hold's broken, but I think the damage is done here.

ID: Indeed. Hida's well on his way to...

JC: GOOD GOD! What a kick to the ribs! That was vicious, Jesus.

ID: If we had kicked the ball that bloody hard, we would have won the damn World Cup!

JC: Never let things go, can you Duke? Hida covers, one, two, kick out, but the damage is definitely done. I see a small stream of blood trickling out of the corner of Lumbourgh's lips there. Hida scoops him up, like a shark smelling blood.

ID: You say that like it's a bloody bad thing...

JC: Rib-breaker! And he's holding HAL there on his knee! This is unorthodox to say the least...

ID: But it's effective! Look at the sanguinary fluid dribbling from HAL's mouth! Hida is a genius in the dealing of pain!

JC: What the hell? Have you been reading Tolkien again?

ID: Oh bugger off Jesse. I'm trying to inject a little culture into this affair.

JC: Bloody this and bugger that. Cultured my red, white and blue ass, Duke.

ID: Really? If it's coloured that way, I believe you should go get it checked out.

JC: *groans* Hida brings HAL to chest level, slam and cover, one, two... nope, another kick out. It's amazing how HAL has the size advantage, but Hida's making his insides probably look like a milkshake.

[Hida to his feet quickly and drops one knee across HAL's gut.]

ID: To use one of your filthy clichés, Jess, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, and you know the rest. I refuse to complete that phrase.

[Another knee to the gut.]

JC: But it's so true in this instance. I'll give credit to the Asian Wonder here, he knows how to get things done.

[A third knee to the gut, and Hida remains kneeling on HAL's gut.]

ID: Of course he does. He's the finest pedigree in all Japan. That family has produced some of the best wrestlers ever.

JC: Explain Yori Junior, then.

[The Duke is silent.]

JC: Exactly. Hida continues with the punishment here, but HAL's got his hand on the bottom rope. Time to break the hold.

[Priest counts to four and Hida breaks right before the disqualifying fifth count.]

JC: I'd complain about the rules being bent here, but frankly Duke, I can't blame either one of these guys if they want to bend the rules just a little bit.

[Hida tries to attack HAL while he's still in the ropes. Priest restrains him.]

ID: Bloody hell Jesse, I thought you were going to give another speech about fairplay and the like. You change your spots more than a blasted chameleon.

JC: Maybe Duke, but I'm allowed to change my mind if I wanted to. I did vote Kerry. HAL to his feet, and Hida is right back on the attack. Irish whip [ID: Bloody Irish!] and ooh jeez! Hida just planted a knee right in HAL's gut and the Programmer of Pain is back down on the canvas.

ID: I'd call for the bell and get him checked out. There's no way he's coming back.

JC: I'm going to remind you you said that if HAL comes back to win...

[CRACK! Boot right to the ribs of a prone HAL.]

JC: Although after kicks like that, I'm beginning to see your point! Hida covers again, two, no. That blood is really starting to come out of his mouth now.

[Hida drags HAL to his feet.]

JC: I mean, I'd hate to see his career cut so short, and he would too, but he's not going to quit, not when all this is on the line, Duke.

[Hida with a right plam strike to the base of HAL's ribs.]

ID: Not quit even when faced with shots like that?

[Left palm strike.]

JC: Yes, that's how much the Dupree Cup and New Era mean to HAL. He's willing to stand in there and absorb Hida punishing his internal organs just so he can prove that he works for the best company in the business.

[Kneeling elbow shot to HAL's stomach.]

ID: Hell, no wrestling company would mean that much to me! I'd get the hell out and cut my losses, especially against a technician like Hida Yakamo!

[Hida arches back, setting up for the death blow it seems.]

JC: And that's why you're here in the booth instead of in the ring. Hida flies in with...

[PBBBBBTTHTHTH! A spray of red shoots into Hida's face.]

JC: HOLY SH[7 s. delay!]!! Did you just see that?

ID: That was bloody foul!

JC: Shades of Hida's former tag partner, although that was far from blue dye! That was... BLOOD! Good Lord! HAL is not out of this thing yet folks!

ID: If he weren't such a daft nerd, I'd say he's got some sort of sexual disease! Although he is the type who'd get hepatitis from a bloody scallion.

JC: Hida Yakamo can't believe he just got sprayed with blood! Staggering around the ring and he just walked right into that kick to the gut! DDT from HAL but the damage is done on Lumbourgh too as he falls holding his gut! Roland Priest breaks out his ten count for the first time this match.

[And Priest counts "One, two..."]

ID: That bloody nerd had better gotten his blood test beforehand! If Hida is sick, you and your bloody company have a suit on their hands.

["...Three, four..."]

JC: I assure you, no one in this company has any bloodborne pathogens.

["...Five." Hida is up to his feet.]

JC: Hida is up first, and I guess that beating he levied on HAL did take its toll, because that was one hellacious DDT.

ID: 'Twas a fluke move, Jesse, I assure you, Hida shall be back in control in short order.

JC: Well, he is up first and he's back on the att... NO he's not! HAL with the inside cradle that Hida kicks out of almost immediately, but you have to wonder if HAL was playing possum this whole time!

ID: Another fluke, because HAL's still down.

[Hida up quickly again, moving towards HAL, still prone.]

JC: That he is, but that's still an astute move, Duke.

[Hida goes to pick up HAL.]

JC: I just wonder how much... waitasecond! HAL with the eye rake! I think we know!

ID: Dirty pool! Dirty pool!

JC: You've condoned worse, Duke! HAL is up to his feet and now chopping Hida in the chest!

[HAL connects with each Flair chop as the crowd "WOOO!"s with each successful one, three in all.]

JC: Shades of the Nature Boy there, and now HAL with the whip and he drives a knee right in Hida's gut! Finally, the NEW contingient of this crowd has something to cheer for!

[HAL doesn't follow up as he's still gassed and in pain from the waylaying he received on his stomach.]

ID: Yet the wanker's not following up on the momentum.

JC: Well Duke, sometimes your body won't let you do things your heart desires. He just took a massive beating. Hida's up and he walks right into an overhand forearm smash from HAL! And another! And another! HAL is a house on fire!

ID: We don't need any water, let the mother...

JC: DUKE! HAL with the whip... BIG SLAM ON THE TILT-A-WHIRL! Hida's down and HAL covers, two... no! Is this still a fluke, Duke?

[HAL yanks Hida to his feet.]

ID: Before you comment, any proclamation of your poetic skills will be immediately greeted by the Aristocracks!

[HAL goes for a vertical suplex, but Hida slips behind him, seamlessly slips in the full nelson and nails a snap dragon suplex.]

ID: But to answer your question, yes, it is a fluke.

JC: I don't believe it! Neither can the NEW fans in this crowd, although those MBE Arena-ites are hooting in the front row like they were Nets fans cheering a Richard Jefferson dunk.

ID: They're appreciating a fine display of counterwrestling from a master.

[Hida is to his feet after a short breather, and HAL is on all fours.]

JC: I'm sure they are Duke. There's nothing wrong with their display, and that's what makes this Dupree Cup so prestigious...

[OOOF! Hida plants his foot square in HAL's ribs as the Programmer of Pain falls flat on his belly.]

JC: Good Lord! Hida should be kicking for the Giants with that leg!

ID: Bugger off. I think Hotspur could use a kick like that, kip kip!

JC: Hida goes for the Boston crab... wow, that's unorthodox, he's got him by the thighs.

ID: Unorthodox, but it puts more pressure on the midsection like that rather than on the lower spine and legs.

JC: That's right up Hida's wheelhouse, finding new and inventive ways to break down the opponent's body. HAL's a big guy, at least bigger than Hida, but with damage to his midsection like that, he loses a lot of his power.

ID: Exactly. When I tell you things like "Hida is the best," you should pay attention.

JC: Paying attention and agreeing are two different things, Duke, and while I think the Asian Wonder is among the best techincal wrestlers, I wouldn't call him the best overall, not with guys like James Irish, The Spoiler, Garbage Bag Johnny and IrishRed around.

ID: IrishRed? BAH! That's an insult upon insults, Jesse! You take that back or else I'll burn your tongue out for you.

JC: Jeez Duke, what do you have against Red? Scratch that, I don't care. HAL's in the ropes and Hida once again takes liberties with that five count.

ID: Here we bloody go again.

JC: You really should listen to me more often, Dukey.

[Hida rolls HAL over.]

ID: Well, I bloody well have to, I...

JC: Wait a second Duke, another HIGHLY unorthodox move by the Asian Wonder stepping on HAL's stomach!

ID: He knows more ways to hurt you than you know wrestling announcer clichés.

JC: He just did it again! And a third time! The Asian Wonder just toying with HAL now, and a cover, one, two, and a kickout.

[Hida has words with Priest.]

JC: Oh please, it's not Roland Priest's fault you couldn't put HAL away there.

ID: Well, it was a tad slow...

JC: Bull, Duke, bull. Roland Priest is among the finest refs in this business. Hida taking his frustrations now out on HAL via some nasty boots to the gut there, and I'm not so sure that HAL's spleen isn't ruptured here.

ID: Well, that's what happens when you have someone picking you apart with surgical precision.

JC: Yeah, but how much more does HAL have in the tank? I mean, when you're so close to the Dupree Cup that you can taste it, you forget the pain, but not this badly, not with the Asian Wonder stomping away at your midsection like that. I mean, he can also taste the Cup, and he's not letting up.

ID: Sign of a true Champion, Jesse.

JC: Holy mackerel! Duke, I don't mean to interrupt, but did you see the elevation on that jumping knee to HAL's gut? Shades of his late father there, and Hida going for a pin... no! He's taunting HAL! Is that the mark of a Champion, Duke?

ID: When you can take time to talk trash to your foe while thrashing him, yes!

JC: Oh, sometimes you can make me so sick, Duke. Wait, another spray of blood from HAL... no! He misses that time! Went to the sanguine well one time too many and now Hida just acquainted his boot with HAL's face!

ID: See Jesse? It's academic! HAL's showing his true colours and those colours are green!

JC: You may be right, but he's still got fight in him...

ID: Not for long! That's the Lotus Blossom that he just put the bugger in

JC: Oh no! You may be right Duke! This isn't as deadly as his newer second version, but it's still going to do a number on his insides, especially with all the previous damage done!

ID: HAL has to be a mess inside his stomach. He should tap out and cut his losses.

JC: And let his team down? Duke, NEW is so close to the Dupree Cup. As much as Hida is using every fiber of his being to put HAL down and claim the Cup for MBE, HAL's using every fiber in his to buckle down and keep NEW in this... and Hida can't hold onto the move any longer! He voluntarily breaks.

ID: In his defense, Jesse, the Mexican surfboard requires a lot of stamina from the holder to keep on as it does from the holdee to resist submission.

[Hida goes over to the corner.]

JC: Holdee, Duke?

ID: Oh, piss off you bloody wanker.

JC: Ladies and gentlemen, my broadcast partner! Hida to the top rope and it looks like he's trying to finish HAL off here. Backflip into the Yakamo Stomp II... NO! NO! HAL rolled out of the way last second, and Hida Yakamo absorbed a good bit of shock in his knees!

ID: Filthy toerag! Don't you know to stay where you are when you're being finished?

[Hida turns around to find HAL rising to his feet.]

JC: Never count a man out of a fight he hasn't lost yet Duke! CLOTHESLINE! CLOTHESLINE! HAL nearly took Hida's head off and now both men are down! Roland Priest is going to have to break out his ten count again!

[And he does... "One, two..." Neither man stirs.]

JC: Oh my Lord, for this match to end on a double countout would be a travesty! C'mon guys, get up, get up!

ID: You bloody cheerleader!

["Three, four..." Some life from the Asian Wonder.]

JC: Hey, I'm cheering on both men. I want a winner in this match. I want someone to walk out of here with the Dupree Cup!

ID: Have you ever heard of a thing called journalistic integrity though? You look like a bloody nipple!

["Five, six..." Hida is on all fours, HAL is barely trying to sit up with blood oozing out of his mouth.]

JC: Pot, kettle, black, Duke. Just remember what you're saying here next time you want to fellate one of your countrymen or Hida in the ring there.

ID: I'm the colour commentator, Jesse, I'm supposed to inject opinion.

["Seven, eight..." Both men are on fours with Hida crawling to the ropes.]

JC: Sure Duke, sure.

["Nine..."]

JC: And Hida's to his feet, but even more amazingly, so's HAL, although he looks a lot worse for wear. Hida's on the attack, chop, no! Blocked by HAL and returned with a jab to the chin! And another! And another! Right cross! Hida goes stumbling back!

ID: Closed fists! Closed fists! This wrestling, not the Marquis de Queensbury rules!

JC: And now HAL with the double axehandles on a prone Hida! One! Two! Three! How the tide has turned! The MBE fans here are in disbelief!

[Hida on the mat, now it's HAL's turn to stomp a mudhole and walk it dry.]

ID: That poor lad in the front with the 32 oz. beer and the Canadian Loonie t-shirt looks like someone stomped his puppy!

JC: Nope, but that man is stomping his Asian Wonder, and now, here's where the size advantage comes into play.

[HAL lands a big knee across the back of Hida's neck and rolls him over.]

JC: How the tables have turned here! HAL is on the attack and he gets to make a cover, two count and no more.

[HAL picks up Hida and sizes him up for a haymaker.]

JC: The entire energy of this building has changed, Duke.

[One haymaker.]

ID: I've never seen anything like it either. You'd think with the proximity to the MBE Arena, this would be an MBE dominated crowd!

[Two haymakers, Hida stumbles back a bit.]

JC: Well, New England is NEW country, and it looks like a good bit of these Chowderheads made the trip down!

[HAL with the Irish whip.]

JC: And the Chowderheads are getting their money's worth! HAL flattens Hida with that powerslam! Cover, one... two... thr... NO!

ID: Bloody hell! How is he even moving after taking a pummeling like he did!?

[HAL says something to Priest and then proceeds to grab Hida by the hair and pound his head on the mat.]

JC: It's the will to win, Duke. The Cup means more, this business, this way of life. I don't know if it's spiritual or adrenaline or whatever it is.

ID: For this HAL character, I'm betting steroids.

[HAL gets up and drops the leg across Hida's chest.]

JC: Funny you should mention those, Duke, because HAL just broke out shades of one of wrestlings most famous roidheads.

ID: Powermaster?

JC: You're funny, Duke. Ah, and now HAL's trying with the submission strategy. Leg scissor sleeper and a beaut.

ID: Now THAT'S funny!

JC: Oh please, just because Hida has the edge in submission moves doesn't mean he's got a frigging monopoly on them.

ID: But that's such a weak move!

JC: I don't know, those are some pretty big legs. Not Torgo big, but whose thighs can match up to his?

ID: Zoltan?

JC: No Duke, you're thinking calves. Hida in the ropes and now HAL is taking his sweet time breaking the hold. One of my pet peeves, but I can understand it here.

ID: You know, you don't have to keep reminding everyone that it's one of your bloody pet peeves everytime someone does it.

JC: Deal, Duke. Deal. HAL up and off the ropes... Jesus another knee drop, this one right across the head of Hida Yakamo instead of his chest. It looks like HAL is either working the whole of the upper body or he's just going for the "hit whatever moves you can and wear 'im out" strategy. Cover, one, two... and no three. Now HAL's incensed, c'mon now, not you too.

ID: He's a bloody crybaby!

JC: I'd agree, but so's Hida in that case. WAIT A SECOND! Hida with the schoolboy roll up and it barely gets a one as HAL kicks out with authority! Hida's up... LARIATO~!

[From HAL to Hida, of course.]

ID: I hate it when you do that!

JC: Once again, deal. HAL off the ropes again with the big elbow drop and that should put a lickin' on Hida. Cover, one, two... nope, not enough, and if I may, he needs to do a whole lot more.

[HAL gets on top of Hida in the mount position... get your head out of the gutters! :p]

ID: Yes, although I'd like it if he were doing things the legal way without closed fists!

JC: Jesus, that's an archaic rule, but since you're archaic...

ID: I'll have you know that I'm a young man and I had to retire from wrestling because of medical conditions.

[HAL breaks after Priest intervenes. He has a mouthful for the UWA ref as he breaks.]

JC: Yeah, it was called chronic sucking. [ID: Wanker!] HAL with the quick bounce off and a fist drop right across the bridge of Hida's nose, and that may leave a mark and draw some blood. HAL covers... wait, no he doesn't. Side headlock applied and now he's playing the wear down game.

ID: Wear down on which body part, Jesse? He's been all over the place.

JC: There's such a thing as general stamina, Duke.

ID: General stamina, bah, rubbish.

JC: I don't know Duke, Hida seems a lot more sluggish than he was when he was on top.

ID: Well duh Jesse, he's been taking a pounding! What did you expect, for him to be spry?

JC: No, but I expected you to prove my point like you just did.

ID: Blast!

JC: HAL's grip is loosening on his headlock, and Hida's getting to his feet. Shove off and HAL goes into the ropes... LARIATO~!

ID: AAAH!

JC: Oh c'mon now Dukey. HAL is not going for the cover here either, opting to bring Hida to his feet, and it's time for some more of the sweet science!

ID: You and this blasted horse's arse of a computer nerd live to annoy me.

[HAL lands two quick left jabs in succession.]

JC: We annoy because we love, Duke.

[Wild right hand catches Hida and sends him staggering back to the ropes.]

ID: Although I must say, for all the punches he's taken, not a one has knocked him out yet.

[Bounces off the ropes weakly and walks right into a kick to the gut from HAL.]

JC: Well if that didn't put him down, this will... TIGGGUH DRIVUHHH CLASSIC! Right into a pin attempt, one, two, thr... no! So damn close!

[HAL pounds on the mat in frustration.]

ID: This is starting to get a bit dicey for me!

JC: And for all those fans in the front row and for all the fans at the MBE Arena watching on closed circuit TV! HAL's got Hida now...

[THWACK!]

JC: There it is! There it is! Control-Alt-Delete! The move that put down Big Dog! This match is over, it's academic... one, two... three... NO!? NO! Hida kicked out! Hida kicked out after taking a Control-Alt-Delete!

ID: Hope springs eternal for my uncle and his house!

JC: HAL is livid! Absolutely livid! He's chewing out Roland Priest, but that wasn't on him! I don't know how in the hell Hida kicked out of that!

ID: He's more resilient than a bloody rubber band. This is the best display of overall wrestling ability since I used to watch Liquid Snake in A1E!

JC: HAL's got Hida up again for another one... NO! NO! Hida just landed on his feet behind HAL, and backslide! How in the hell does he do these things?

[For the record, the kickout was at one.]

ID: I keep telling you, but you don't listen!

JC: I'm not going to have a voice after this! Both men are up, and HAL strikes... no, it's blocked! Chop...

CROWD: WOOO!

JC: And I have no idea where Hida is getting this energy!

[Another chop and another "WOO!"]

ID: I don't know, but the fans in the front row enjoy it!

[Third chop, third "WOO!"]

JC: Hida now scooping up HAL... gutbuster! A move borrowed from one of his most hated rivals, Maggot, but it's effective here. Cover, one, two... nope! Not right now.

[Hida makes the throat-slash gesture quickly with his right thumb.]

ID: I think I know what time it is!

JC: Miller Time?

ID: Bloody hell no! I wouldn't be caught drinking that piss anyway.

JC: Oh, now I think I might know what you're talking about, Duke. Hida's got HAL up in that Splash Mountain set up. It could be time for the most famous move in all of wrestling...

[Unbeknownst to anyone else in the arena except the most eagle-eyed in the front row in front of that particular corner, HAL has hooked his feet underneath the top rope.]

ID: Oh the humanity...

[Hida runs out of the corner, but HAL falls with a thud to the ring right off Hida's shoulders while Hida runs across the ring without him.]

JC: What the hell? That's not how that move was supposed to go... wait, unless that was his counter!

[Hida stops short of running into the diagonal corner, and hops right around to see HAL laying still on the mat.]

JC: He had to have hooked his legs on something to avoid the brunt of that move!

ID: What a daft fool! He hurt himself on his own counter!

JC: Hey, better than the impact he would have taken on the HIDADRIVER~!

[Hida climbs the turnbuckles, face to the crowd.]

JC: Although this match might be over if Hida hits... WAITASECOND! HAL'S UP! HAL'S UP! Like a speedburst off a cable modem, he just shot up and fell on the top rope, and now Hida's crotched on the second turnbuckle!

ID: Bloody possum!

JC: I'm not sure if that was possum. That looked like pure adrenaline to me! And now what's HAL doing?

[HAL exits the ring onto the apron and climbs up the turnbuckle where Hida is from the outside.]

ID: He's... I don't know what he's going to do, but I don't like it.

JC: He's got Hida by the waist now...

[Pregnant silence as HAL grabs the waist and leans forward.]

JC: OHMYGAWDOHMYGAWDOHMYGAWD! SUPER CONTROL-ALT-DELETE! HE HIT HIS FINISHER FROM THE TOP ROPE!

ID: BLOOOOODY HEEEEELLLLLLLL!!!

JC: HE COVERS! HE COVERS... ONE... TWO... THREE! THREE! DEAR LORD! NEW WINS! NEW WINS! NEW WINS THE 2006 DUPREE CUP! THEY'RE THE FIRST EVER DUPREE CUP CHAMPIONS!

[The NEW fans in attendance explode as "All About the Pentiums" hits up on the PA.]

MD: Here is your winnuh.... HAAAAALLLLL!!

[Huge pop.]

MD: And, the winnuh of this year's inaugural Dupree Cup... by virtue of beating MBE by a score of two matches to one... your winners... NEW ERA... OF... WRESSSTTTTLINNNNNG!!

ID: My uncle's house!

JC: I can't believe this! I can't believe this!

[HAL is still jumping around the ring like a giddy schoolgirl while Hida rolls out the ring and slinks to the back. While he leaves, Mr. Entertaiment, MWG and Chaos all rush out, hands in the air in celebration.]

JC: And here comes... here comes Team NEW! Man, this team, you can't say enough good things about them! They weren't even supposed to come out of their group. Everyone thought it was going to be EPW and NAPW...

[All four men, HAL with blood dripping out of his mouth from some internal bleeding, MWG, Mr. Entertainment and Chaos, all share embraces and take turns going up on the turnbuckles, arms raised to their fans.]

JC: ...and they end up not even dropping a contest throughout this entire tournament. New Era of Wrestling... you guys DESERVED this!

[Out from the back steps Russel David, Editor-in-Chief of The MARK News Magazine. Behind him are two armored security guards wheeling in the two-tiered silver and cherrywood Dupree Cup.]

JC: And here's Russell David, from our co-sponsor the MARK. He's gonna present the trophy.

[David enters the ring and the guards hand him the trophy. He speaks into a microphone in the lapel of his sport jacket.]

RD: Hello everyone! I'm Russel David, and I'm here to present to New Era of Wrestling, for the first time ever...

[He holds the trophy up in the air.]

RD: THE DUPREE CUP!

[He brings it back down to chest level and hands it to HAL. HAL nods and mouths "Thank you," before he hoists it up in the air.]

JC: Look at that! That's a look of pride! They earned that trophy. I... I'm speechless! I'd like to thank everyone who tuned into the Dupree Cup Tournament on Season Pass On Demand or on the Alternative Sports Network! For the Iron Duke, I'm Jess Chapel! Thank you, and good night!

[The last scene before fade is a shot of all four men holding up the Dupree Cup. Fade to the TEAM logo, copyright 2006, all rights reserved.]
 

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