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Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS

Steve

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble She

(FADEIN: Joey Melton in front of an WFW SuperBowl Of Wrestling backdrop.)

MELTON: I guess the only saving grace of my WFW contract is that it’s not like life insurance. I’m not paying for it on a monthly basis. But, let’s be real, you can tell WFW time by six-month appointments to have your teeth cleaned.

V/O: None of these characters get their teeth cleaned.

(Melton stops in mid-sentence, annoyed that he’s been cut off.)

(DRAG CUTTO: Mike Randalls in a lotus position off-camera watching Melton cut his promo.)

MELTON: DAMN YOU MIKE, DAMN YOU ANIMAL. What have we said about interrupting master?

(CUTTO: Back on Joey.)

Still, I’m legally liable to be here for seven more shows. SEVEN! I imagine the last will coincide with my Hall of Fame induction. For those too cheap to invest in a digital recorder, or people like Red who don’t fully trust the technology we have the WFW. The story of our lives on record. Hell, last show Dan Ryan was a single man. Tonight, he’s a father of four. But, it’s nice to see somethings don’t change over time. Such as WFW’s steadfast refusal to drug-test. To become Tag Champions the message is clear, one must first taste the herpes flower.

How do we do this, boys?

When does Anarky come in and punk me?

Just be gentle with the heroin injections, I’m on quite a lot of prescription medication, but it’s the organic face cream, and **** Mike gives me to keep my dick erect for a tenth straight hour that I worry about conflictions with. Lose the innocence off this face and soon I’ll be drumming Garbage lyrics for inspiration and doing run-ins for Doc Silver. Yes, Doc was kind enough last week to cash my A1E check for me…

(CUTTO: Melton in a Temple surrounded by monks. They all kneel at the foot of a Golden Throne where Doc Silver sits.)

MELTON: Sir, I was told you could do something with this…American currency would be swell. I went to 4 different banks, twice I was thrown out, one time the teller went into a fit of swearing when she saw the name on the check, the third time I had police called and barely got out alive. Sure, it’s pink, and scented, but…people eat there. I’ve seen it! This should’ve cashed.

(Melton nervously hands Silver his A1E check, as Doc lets out a Jabba like laugh.)

DOC: (looking it over) They screwed you didn’t they.

MELTON: Well, I might’ve big-timed it…a little.

DOC: Hush child, hush. Here’s your reward.

(Silver snaps his fingers and two women bring out a gift certificate.)

MELTON: (in shock) A $50 gift certificate to Best Buy? But, ****, that’s fifty….

DOC: SILENCE!

MELTON: Damn charity. I knew I should not have…you know (Melton stands up in protest) I once gave a kid a coat…

(CUTTO: Back to Melton.)

MELTON: A poor habit mentioning other companies, but hell, how many World Titles do we have being defended in this place? ****’s like King Tut. Passed off from one thankless museum to the other. You know, he wasn’t really murdered. He slipped. Got lazy. Signed a bad contract and wasted years of his life counting from 10 to 0 in eight-month intervals. ****, what am I doing here? Sweet Suzy Sunshine make it rain…help me….

2nd V/O: Poor baby, by the time your ten matches are up, you won't be able to hide your wrinkles anymore.

(CUT-TO: Lindsay Troy, in a tight sports-bra and yoga pants, meditating next to Randalls. Mike steps into frame, shakes Melton, then SLAPS him.)

RANDALLS: There is no reward to the Falcon who cannot complete his race.

MELTON: (pauses. Wtf) Riiiiiiiiiight.

RANDALLS: Seriously, gimme a dollar I gotta **** then grab a bite.

MELTON: No.

RANDALLS: Joey!

MELTON: NO! Last time I gave you a dollar the Nevada desert didn’t see rain for a month.

RANDALLS: It was an injun grave!

MELTON: Shaddup you. It's quite enough thank you, that you have Troy chanting before bed every time to calm her inner demons. Inner peace, whoohoo. She used to be a ****ing moaner, guys like me NEED that, now Lindsay's trance like state has me wondering when and if she ever cums. You've taken the woman's orgasm from me! DAMN YOU! (Randalls slaps Joey again.) Come on…I gotta finish this. There’s a chance this card could actually happen. (to the camera dudes) Yeah, I trust you’ll just edit all this out, huh? You’re probably happy just to see a paycheck again. Pity the day you found out UPS starts you off part-time. In three, two……. The Superbowl of Wrestling. It’s been a while since I’ve been in one of these. Why just last month…

(CUE dreamy, wave like static…..as we slowly fade to….)

(CUTTO: Seconds later, Melton cutting a WFW promo.)

MELTON: The Superbowl of Wrestling. Cameron Cruise and I, gonna do a little dance, make a little love, and we are gonna get DOWN that aisle and back it up again with the WFW World Tag Belts! Halleluiah and AMEN! Now, a little birdy tells me there’s three other teams in this thing, but let’s be honest these belts belong to the CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT! I have as my partner, one of the sexiest men in professional wrestling, and also the only man...yes ONLY man EVER to pin Beast and a Playboy Centerfold in the same month.

Ryan and Beast. You were worthy opponents, but in the end, two birth defects and genetic engineering don’t make a right. Why am I smarter than the average bear? Because I chose to be a team with Cameron Cruise, not get embarrassed by him in the center of the ring. Sadly, Cruise couldn’t be here, and there is a hole, a deep, deep hole in my heart having to talk for him, but hey…this way, my words aren’t slurred, and cats aren’t tuning in because they ****ing understand the content. I.E. Melton’s not dumbed down.

The bottom line is…at the Superbowl of Wrestling, THE SINGLE GREATEST TAG TEAM ALIVE TODAY, the CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT will become the WFW Tag Team Champions. And as an added bonus, Cruise and I have been in the gym non-stop…well…three hours out of the week, perfecting our new finishing move.

THE MERCEDES BENDS.

Your turn to talk now, although, I’ve already sold this match plenty.

(FTB)
 
Last edited:

TSiegel

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble She

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of a WFW backdrop.)

CRUISE: Ya know....you'd think that you could leave a man alone long enough to take care of things that are of no consequential need for anyone but myself....

And then Melton cuts a promo like that.

What can I say folks....that's my tag team partner for you.

Fact is though folks, it's true: I haveta keep up what I've been doing for at least half my career.

And that's climb ladders and knock people off of 'em.

This tag tournament happened to start with Troy Douglas and his partner...who for some reason hasn't appeared where scheduled as of late and then wonders why no one can understand the 'real' him.

Then there was two people who advanced to the next round who were thought by some people to be the "heavyweight fight" of the tournament....and we weren't even in the finals yet....Dan Ryan and Beast.

If anyone ever wants to know what it's like to conquer the apparent 'impossible' just ask me for a quick photo of those two, you'll never need another reason.

And now here we are....facing off against three other teams in a four-man elimination match.

A foreigner with a Psychotic, a team that sounds like a World War II ship without a proper name, and Rabesque and his student/protege...Steve Johnson.

Reverse all those into a Christmas song and some could see it as "The 12 days of Christmas".

At least part of it anyway.

And what's a match without Jean Rabesque eh?? A man that I came so close to defeating fair and square in NFW's first season...only to fall short on a couple occasions, due to my current tag team partner.

I beat Beast in the last round, Jean...and I beat my own partner at his own game, too.

Far beit aside you were a World Champion in NEW...what makes you think that you still have it??

What if you don't...and this match is a sign of some things to come in the near future?? I mean, hey...let's be real for a second...

Who doesn't want to go out on top??

'Cause the way I see it Jean....if I pin you to the mat for a three-count...who's to say that you could have a better way out than that??

Not me, not this time, and not against this team.

Because that is a Reality Check....not hype or of a false gimmick...that you just...won't like.

Merry Christmas.

(fadeout.)
 

Alex Miami

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble Sheik

Cut to the final seconds of Steve Johnson’s run in the rumble:

BRANDON JACOBS: Melton picks up a barely conscious Johnson….. HE HITS HIM WITH A BRAINBUSTER DRIVING HIS HEAD INTO THE MAT! Cruise picks him up by the hair and hurls him over the top rope….. JOHNSON HOLDS ON BY ONE HAND AND HE IS DANGLING OVER THE SIDE AND HIS FEET ARE CLOSE TO TOUCHING!

VIC WATERS: Cruise needs to do something to get rid of him.

BRANDON JACOBS: CRUISE BITES THE HAND OF JOHNSON AND
JOHNSON FALLS
DOWN ON THE GROUND!

RING ANNOUNCER: STEVE JOHNSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

JONATHAN MARX: Steve Johnson is yelling indignantly at Cruise for biting his hand and is cursing him out.

VIC WATERS: He picked up quite a vocabulary at
Ohio State University.



Continued to next clip



BRANDON JACOBS: CRUISE FLIES OFF THE TOP WITH THE MISSILE DROP KICK BUT JOHNSON GRABS THE LEG OF DOE AND PULLS HIM OUT OF MELTON”S GRIP AND CRUISE ACCIDENTLY HITS THE DROPKICK ON MELTON AND HE GOES UP AND OVER THE TOP ROPE!

RING ANNOUNCER: JOEY MELTON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

BRANDON JACOBS: AN IRRITATED CRUISE YELLS DOWN AT JOHNSON….. CRUISE TURNS AROUND AND DOE COMES OFF THE ROPES WITH AN AMNESIA ATTACK AND CRUISE GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!

RING ANNOUNCER: CAMERON CRUISE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

JONATHAN MARX: Steve Johnson has had his revenge, this should be a lot of bad blood between the Cameron Cruise Project and the team of Rabesque & Steve Johnson at the PPV.

BRANDON JACOBS: Security is coming out here to keep the Cameron Cruise Project from going after Johnson… Johnson is taking off through the crowd with a smirk on his face.)




(Now cut to Steve Johnson standing in front of the WFW back drop wearing his wrestling attire and a heavily bandaged right hand. He is still smirking as he brandishes his taped hand.)


I have to hand it to the gentleman of the Cameron Cruise Project, they not only fought a great match against Dan Ryan and Beast, but they put on a great effort at the rumble which lead to my inevitable downfall.

Every time i look back at that clip, I realize how close each of us was to another title match, and how at any time the least seen obstacle can derail what seemed to be ours. The only thing I relish, is that at the end of the day, no one will remember that Larry Tact won, but instead they will say at the So Cal Rumble the Cameron Cruise Project was derailed of their glory by some young upstart.

You see, I am not happy I lost, but I learn why I lost. I spent the entire time at the rumble focusing on making history, that history being, that I was a rookie and having the ability to challenge for three titles in one night . Yet somewhere between putting Mr.Melton in a double-arm ddt and having Mr.Cruise bite my hand off the top rope I stopped focusing on what was important, which was wrestling, and focused on fame. Gentleman when I was at Ohio State I was the big man on campus, but I didn’t focus on getting women, taking money from the boosters, I only cared about achieving perfection and being a better wrestler than any other man in the country.


I treat this match now differently than I treated the rumble, I look at this match as an opportunity for me to prove to the ownership and the fans, that I belong, but that I belong in the likes with these legends and champions who have dominated the top of wrestling cards since I was in high school.



The other seven men in this match have accomplished more in a few months as champions than I have in my entire first year as a professional wrestler and gentleman I hope that at the Super Bowl, you all realize that what you have accomplished means nothing. Only what you all accomplish in the ring that night matters. The history that will be made that night will come at your expense, as Jean and I win the titles which you all covet.



Mr.Melton, at 41 what you have done in the CWSA is amazing, but what are you doing being part of the Cameron Cruise Project? Why do you have to piggy back on some upstarts back? You are at the twilight of your career, and allow me the honor to push you a little faster into the sun set. In the Rumble I prevented you from challenging for the world title, and in this match I will prevent you from being a tag champion.



As for Mr. Cruise, I don’t understand why one of my idols, Jonathan Marx respects you, as you don’t even come close to understanding what we hold dear and that is wrestling. While I look for a submission or a suplex, you look for short cuts. It is for that reason alone, that I hope Jean lets me snap the figure four on you the same way he has done to you so many times before. Much the same way he has gotten the better of you in every match you two have ever had, I am happy that I prevented you from challenging for the world title.



I expect that everyone in this match will say look at this punk, who does he think he is? What is he doing here? The answer to the first question, is partner to the greatest technical wrestler in WFW, and the answer to the second question, is winning the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP.



(FADE OUT)
 

TSiegel

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble Sheik

"Piggy-backing on some young 'UPSTART??!?!'"

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of a WFW backdrop)

CRUISE: Now back the "I'm-still-stuck-back-in-college-so-I'm-better-than-you" trolley up, for a second will ya??

I've been WRESTLING....that's right Steve-Joe....WRESTLING....for almost ten years now.

I hardly think that a decade still accounts me into the category of an 'upstart'.

But seeing as you can't help but contortion your own foot in your mouth....allow me to give you a few more pointers about the ol' Cruiser.

One....Marx is one FANTASTIC athlete, and doing what he did the past two years, not to mention gaining honors of an award en route....says quite abit about the guy. The man knows that I don't have to show him respect because it's already THERE.

Don't blame ME for being in something that you STILL don't understand, or perhaps...never did.

I can wrestle with anybody, man, woman...or in my case back east....the occasional Alligator and give him, her, or IT, the fight of it's life.

It's just to that for my justification...I decide how long I'm interested.

Case in point....you think that I look for a short cut, instead of suplex, correct??

Sure...if the opportunity arises, I'll switch it up.

It's called STRATEGY, Steve-Joe.

I mean, Grad or not....it's quite simple really.

A man like you, for instance...WOULD go for the suplex, whether it's early on, during...or late in the match.

Myself, I would do the same...and then I might switch it up and take a school boy instead.

(Cruise snaps his fingers)

Hey, let's be real for a second, eh??

No one likes the idea of getting beat, let alone by me, so for me to come out with a quick victory is a mind tool. Something like that happening hits you're brain harder than chinese arithmetic.

(changes his voice, deeper.)

"What-the...Cruise couldn't have...no way...he NEVER pinned me!!!"

(Stops the mock-voice and talks normal)

Which I'm sure your partner might say if I get the opportunity....but still...

It's a mind-(BLEEP!!) that works moreso in the longrun than at hand.

(Scratches his head)

Weird...I never use to agree with what Lex Luthor said in that first Superman movie....but the man does make a point with something that just came to mind. A movie quote, if you will.

"Stocks may rise and fall, and people may be no damn good....but there will always be land."

LAND, Steve-Joe.

The type where myself and Joey are goin' to become the World Finest Wrestling's FIRST....Tag Team Champions....of the World.

Now it doesn't matter if you're from Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Notre Dame or God-forsaken Ohio State...or the local Community College while we're at it....

But it IS a Reality Check...not Hype or Gimmick or a Master's Degree...that you just...won't like.

(Fadeout.)
 

SteveA

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble Sheik

(The screen comes in on a WFW backdrop, and as we cut away we see Jean Rabesque, back from a long extended break, looking fresh and invigorated as he looks into the camera, wearing the normal gear, he pauses a moment, smiles..... and speaks)

“Cam, Cam, Cam, eventually every little boy that yaps his mouth only to end up with a foot inside of it learns to keep it quiet. Do you realize how pathetic you sound talking about how you ‘almost’ beat me back in the NFW days. Do you realize that you’re now almost reaching Sean Edmunds proportions when it comes to losing streaks against me? But then again, this is the WFW, where miracles happen. They gave me a chunk of money long before I even became a WFWer to come and make Edmunds a star, and I even gave up the streak for it, I guess you’re thinking the same could happen to you.

(Chuckles) “Not so fast, Mr. Cruise.

“Now I know we’ve run the gamut together Cam, we’ve been allies, we’ve been opponent, I’ve knocked up your wif– nevermind, but the fact still remains that you’re my *****. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I don’t care who you have as your tag team partner, you will never be able to escape the fact that you can’t get past me. Hell, you might be able to pull out a win someday, but that’s not going to change the DECADE of ineptitude you’ve shown. Whether it was being the epitome of a JTTS in CSWA, or the token job-boy in NFW, you have always been the non-factor the head honchos like to call “talent enhancement.” You’re never going to be anything Cam, but they keep you around because you can help make everybody else look good.

“But here I am, after what seems like months off, and I’m right in the thick of things in the WFW. And Cam, what’s up with you thinking I WAS the New ERA Heavyweight Champ? (Rabesque holds up a shiny gold belt) I guess I missed a memo on that one. But me and Stevie have been rolling through them, with one left to go. There were a hell of a lot of tag teams in this little shindig, and 4 remain. Well, really, one a half remain. There’s Stevie and myself, and then there’s Joey Melton. The other two and a half can head on back to somewhere else as far as anyone watching is concerned.

“Stevie, I gotta give you some credit my man. You have stepped up your game, pulling double duty and all. I just want to warn you yet again. Your brain better be focused on this match. I know you have another match going on during the night, but I don’t care about that, and you better not either. I signed up for this thinking you had a shot at being something, and you have proved me 100% right, but I’m not going to tolerate screwing up now, because you have spread yourself too thin. You come with the ‘A’ game that I have gotten used to seeing, and we won’t have any issues.

(Rabesque pauses for a moment)

“Which brings me to you Melton. I guess you’re probably expecting more of the same from me, but you’re not going to get it. I’ve never hidden the fact that I don’t care for you in any kind of way, but I am going to take a page from the book that Cameron Cruise needs to read. I can’t trash talk you Joey, you’ve done everything to ensure that. Hell, you’re doing the same thing I am at about the same age. I respect everything you’ve done Joey.

“Don’t think for one second that you’re not going to get the beating of your life, however.

“I can’t change the past, but I can drastically alter the future. I know you consider me and Steve a non-factor, and to be honest, I’m not sure I can blame you for thinking that. But a man with age needs time to heal, and I’ve gotten that Joey Melton. And soon, very soon...

“The score begins to be settled.

“No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.”

(FADE OUT)
 

TSiegel

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble Sheik

"Well excuuuuuusseee ME!!"

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of a WFW backdrop.)

CRUISE: Jean, you're right....we've done pretty much everything there is....tagged....fought against....called each other names...well....

At least one of us has, anyway.

You'll have to forgive me on the mistake on calling you a former champion.....

With myself and Melton busy enough as is right now...I forgot that you were even AROUND.

Yeah, Jean...your absence is THAT transparent.

Beating you isn't going to make me a star at your expense Jean, no wins against you a factor or not.

It's gonna make me a CHAMPION....which is something I've becomed accustomed to doing as of late. I've even beaten my own partner and Marcus, in the span of a MONTH, two men who are well off and accomplished as World Champions, themselves.

You??

You've been at home sleeping it off in between autograph sessions, watching hockey and the latest episode of "Celebreality" with your knee taped up and elevated, as well as eating Porkrinds and Cheeze whiz by the handful.

As far as being the token job-boy" in NFW....I hardly call lasting forty-plus minutes in what's really predicated as an ENDURANCE match in last years Rumble for playoffs, and then making it to the quarter-finals of the same tournament, being a JOB-BOY.

Which is really the reason why I accepted the offer to return for a second season, in my opinion.

I beat out Hornet, Deacon, Matthews and a few others who were considered a GIVEN to make playoffs, if not win it, while you were off making kissy-face with Troy and having arguments on who's the better....ya know...this part really wasn't the point, but the fact of the matter is Jean, is that while you CLAIM that I've had a decade of being the downtrodden...passed-off recipient many things....

You were also jackin' it to Blanch on an old episode of "Golden Girls."

GET IT IN YOUR THICK NON-HYPED, NON-GIMMICKED BRAIN OF YOURS, JEAN!!!

What's happened that you say in the last decade is STILL IN THE LAST DECADE!!

Championships, title shots, accolades galore....all of it coming FLOODING my way!!

AndJoeystoosure, but the fact is Jean...

I'm a proven THREAT now.

I HAVE wrestled more than once in the last three months.

So here's the question, Jean....are you going to be the one team that ACTUALLY gives us a challenge at the Superbowl of Wrestling??

Or nothing but the very thing you swear you'll never be:

A false gimmick, with plenty of false hype and just...Jean...Rabesque.

Now THAT...is a Reality Check that you just...won't like.

(Fade.)
 

Alex Miami

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble Sheik

(Fade into Steve Johnson standing in front of a WFW backdrop. He is wearing jeans, a black t-shirt with WFW in red. He has a black WFW skull cap on that matches the t-shirt.)



Reality, what do you know about Mr.Cruise? You have spent more time on your back against Rabesque than a highschool cheerleader has with Jared Wells. Granted, I am the young upstart, and prone to make mistakes, but when I make ‘em, I do it all out. I have that rookie desire that drives veterans like you crazy, because despite my Buckeye education and I am to dumb to know when to quit. However unlike most rookies, when I do hit the wall, I have Jean Rabesque. I have the man who personifies perfection in the ring and is a true champion.



I am not hear to be his cheerleader, but instead lets talk about the surprise of the tournament, and that is our team making it to the finals. Who would have thought that not only would be in finals, but that it was a team effort, where Rabesque didn’t hold my hand, but I held my own.



In our match, people will wonder what will happen when the CCP tangles with Rabesque and Johnson? I will tell you that after I have slammed you, suplexed you, and stretched you, you will submit loudly to Jean as you have done so many times before. It won’t matter if it is a pin fall or a figure four, your will, will submit under the strength of the best wrestling duo in all of wrestling.



You can spend all your time talking about championship desires, but at the end of the day, that’s all it will be, talk. While you chat it up, you will have wonder how it is Mr.Cruise that you not only lost to your nemesis, but that you got beaten by a rookie.



The land you desire, the land where you are tag champions will have to remain a dream, much the same way you have dreamt that you could beat us.



Mr.Cruise, the only reality I know is that at the end of the Super Bowl, you and Mr.Melton will be footnotes in my history as the team that lost to the most successful team in WFW.

FAde to black
 

TSiegel

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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble Sheik

"For cryin' out loud Steve, the name is CAMERON."

(Fadein, Cruise in front of a WFW S.o.W. backdrop.

CRUISE: I mean, at the rate you're goin' you're startin' to sound like my ol' Gym teacher back in high school with callin' me "MISTER".

Know what the difference between you an' my ol' Gym teacher is?? He wasn't even anywhere near being a College graduate back then, but the man actually KNEW what he was talking about and got respect for it in return.

THAT...Stevie-Joe, is one way of looking up the word "RATE", in the dictionary.

Hell, knowing you and how much you pump up Ohio State...I betcha don't even OWN a dictionary; you do your in-between-match-preps in the LIBRARY.

'Course then you wanna be a pot-callin'-the-kettle-black "Mofo"...as Boogie Smallz says...and say that I haven't yet beaten Jean Rabesque.

(Cruise pauses for a beat as the camera closes up on him.)

You ever sit down and wonder why Jared Wells is the B.A.D. Champion, Stevie-Joe, and how you YOURSELF...haven't beaten him and taken his title yet??

It's beca--no, wait a second...you're a Ohio Buckeye Graduate....

YOU figure it out.

Meanwhile....Joey an' I will be kickin' back with drinks in one hand and tuned into the sunset...

Well...Joey will have Rod Stewart, but regardless the sunset will still be there...

As YOUR....WFW World Tag Team Champions.

That....my four-eyed opponent....is a Reality Check that you just...won't like.
 

GreggG

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Stronger For Longer

(CUT TO: A Confederate Flag backdrop, with two tennis rackets crossed underneath the letters OSS spelled out in KISS-style lettering. Standing in front of the backdrop are "Fabulous" Frankie Fargo -- dirty brown hair with a light blonde beard -- and "The New American Stud" Brandon Mueller -- platinum blonde rat tailled mullet -- wearing matching bowties with tuxedo tails. In between them is "The CEO of Champions" Calvin Carlton, wearing a crisp dark suit a little big for him, holding his tennis racket.)

CALVIN: So, my momma treats me and my boys here NICE. I mean, we've been together for several years and in those several years, she's counted up the millions we've made her. Not that it matters -- we're rich anyways. But the fact here is that my charges have been so succesful, so brilliant that Mrs. Carlton, that sweet angel princess whose eyes light up the night sky with the intensity of ten thousand fireflies, has been able to participate in her favorite hobby. That's taking the big old sack of money we made her down to the battered woman's AIDS baby homeless drifter shelter... taking out a wad of C-Notes... and ripping them up in front of the members of society who steal from the rich like the parasites they are.

Parasites ripping off my momma. The people who MOST need to be taught a lesson. There's one parasite in particular who used me, who used my momma to get his foot back in the door.

That's you, Joe Joe Melton.

Joey, I've had my eye on ruining your life for months now. You see, you were my boyhood hero. You were me and my momma's favorite growing up. And when I took you under my wing in the NFW, you had it made. You could have been with me, with Eddy Love and we could have ruled this industry with an iron fist... with me in charge, of course. Instead, you ran off with some trollyp bag lady who emasculated you. You decided to partner up with some gay porn refugee.

Well, now Joe Joe, the chickens have come home to roost. The whole world says you and your partner, best known for being the real life role model for that rape baby in I Know My Name Is Steven, are the best tag team in the world today.

Guess what? YOU'RE NOT. Because THE ORIGINAL SHOWSTOPPERS are. The most dominant tag team of the sports regional heyday of yesteryear. THE MOST DOMINANT TAG TEAM OF TODAY. We've got a bullseye on your fading hairline and we're going to TAKE YOU OUT like yesterday's USA Today... y'know, the paper the POOR read since it has all those pretty little graphics.

But that's not to say we aren't well prepared. Jean Rabesque, that fruit, is in this with some illiterate. I'm a businessman, Rabesque, so I appreciate your talents in driving fans to the concession stand. You help rich promoters such as myself and my momma make MONEY. But what you do, Rabesque, is bore the fans at home to tears when you roll around the mat with some scrawny indie clowns in some hick town that happens to have a TV antennae. But when you get in the ring with members of The Southern Sex Squadron, you won't be boring anymore. That's because the pain and misery we will cause you will be historic in its brutality and unforgettable in its savagery. We've got a point to prove, Rabesque, and we'll prove it over your dead carcass.

And do me a favor, won't ya? Tell that partner of yours to not even bother replying to me until he learns more than third grade language skills. My momma's been lobbying her good pal Vice President Dick Cheney to enact legislation that puts the mentally challenged to death so we don't have those people affecting the gene pools of persons like The Carltons... I'll do my momma, the beautiful queen of the night, proud and have that slackjawed, short-armed retard executed at the hands of the greatest tag team who ever lived.

You can tell your daddy, you can tell your sister. But don't tell my momma, because she already knows! We're the number one tag team in this sport, and we're going to prove it ONCE AGAIN at the SuperBowl of Wrestling. You've seen the rest, now set your eyes on the best! Send out an SOS, because you're gonna cross paths with the OSS. Let's get strutting, boys!

(All three do The Fargo Strut. FTB.)
 

Steve

the EX-QUEEN of FW~!
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Re: Superbowl of Wrestling: CCP vs. Rabesque & Johnson vs. OSS vs. Psycho & Noble She

(FADEIN: Joey Melton in front of an WFW backdrop.)

MELTON: Carlton if you wanna throw my hairline up for discussion, then let’s have at it faggot. Let’s get nasty.

I could come out here and read off a list of “Yo Momma” jokes and have you curled up in the fetal position. But, I won’t do that, because I appreciate the fact that this country has given birth to another successful black woman. Back in Noah’s days the best of the best came in pairs. Oprah’s sat atop her perch unchallenged for far too long. I say build the statues of Momma Carlton outside of Dollar Stores along the Atlantic coast. I’ll pitch in and help build the first statue in Pickens County. That ****ing town needs something to worship other than a Dandy Drag Queen performing at fairs.

I gave you something last year you never would have had otherwise.

SOUL.

I taught you what it was like to live paycheck to paycheck, and never fully understand where you stood in the universe. I taught you how to win, and believe in something bigger than yourself. Or, in this instance, your momma. Carlton, I took you from living in your Momm’s guest house to the bedroom next door! I made you King for a season, and excuse me if I’m just a wee bitter at never being told ‘Thank you.”

Maybe Cruise was kidnapped, and baby raped as a child…maybe Lifetime could better tell his own story than he can in the ring, but that’s neither here nor there. This match doesn’t concern Cruise. I know, yeah..he’s technically in the bout, he’ll be on the apron taking the first ten minutes of punishment, but he’s as much a part of this story as a theater poster is of "Munich." The unfeeling one-sheet can’t speak for Jews, or be a desperate cry for peace. And neither can Cruise. What I have to say, my message, can only be delivered through these soft, precious hands and a body of work that damns the “OSS as serious contenders” evidence to **** all hell.

**** and Butt, or whatever the hell these idiots names are…shouldn’t even be allowed in the same arena as the CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT. You might as well drag an old man who’s bowled a 300 game and has a Church league trophy to his credit to this fight, Carlton, because that’s the comparison. You beat up on the same two teams back when NFW played to pig farmers, and ant Sheppards. You won a couple tag titles, cut yourself with a rusty knife bought off Ebay, sold by Nancy McKeon, and then you trade for my ass and ask for justification.

Let’s be real here, Nancy.

The only way anyone can see **** and butt in action outside of a WFW ring is to put in a call to some lifeless **** on the Internet who sleeps with black market DVD copies. I’d say the OSS career’s rival Ruth’s called shot. There’s grainy footage, but you’ve got to be ****ing kidding me if you think either happened.

You worked for $25 a night, showed you can take a bump or two, and now you’re everybody’s All-American. Spy Kids 4 would be an easier sell. I don’t know who’s dick you had to suck to get these morons in WFW, and in this tournament, but I guess once they let Beast, the Canadian Ivan Drago in the bar was sort of non-existence.

I understand you’re mad at me Carlton. I’ve made girls cry before, I understand what you’re saying.

But, the only reason, THE ONLY reason I befriended your bleached white ass was because you scared the **** out of me the first day you took me down to your guesthouse. The framed CSWA Tribune Posters of me in action. The trading cards, the exclusive Rudy Seizter interviews, and cover articles. The candid photos taken after shows, and stained copies of my phone record. The Melton sleeping bag, and matching pillow and bed sheet set.

I went along with the idea of being traded, and being your Momma’s humble servant because you scared the **** out of me. Try living with the constant fear that the white man is out to get you. One step away from being hit over the head with a golf club bearing my own signature, and ass raped for pleasure.

But, hey, maybe I misread you Carlton.

Not that it matters now.

The WFW, this is our scene.

Go back to Pickens County and help Momma open a new Dollar Store. People like you Carlton, need silverware, and china for just under $2.

(FTB)
 
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