(FADE IN to Boogie Smallz leaning back in a black leather recliner. He is puffing a blunt and watching a replay of the first round of the TEAM Invitational Tournament. Smallz is paying close attention to the match between Victor Molotov and The Mighty Impala. Molotov clamps on his version of the dragon sleeper, the Purifying Scourge, and Impala quickly taps out. Smallz nods his head and takes a puff of his blunt.)
BOOGIE SMALLZ: So yo, I got past my first round opponent in the TEAM Invitational Tournament…and now I’m in Round Two. Tha guy I gotta square off against in this round is tha descendant of tha inventor of the Molotov Cocktail...Victor Molotov.
(Boogie sits up in his seat and puffs his blunt.)
Vic, I can’t say I know a lot about you, ‘cuz I don’t. I just know what I hearr. As I understand it, you’ve taken it upon yourself to “purify” tha biz. (Grins.) Damn dawg, sounds like a lost cause to me. Ya’ best take yo’ act sumwherre else, ‘cuz that ish ain’t gonna fly as long as ya got me standin’ in your way.
Now I heard ya out herre durin’ tha last round hoopin’ and hollerin’ about, (In a bad Russian accent.) “Two and a half year” (Back in his normal voice.) this. “Two and a half year” that. Dawg…don’t nobody herre give a ish about you or your little plot against tha bitnuss!
(Puffs his blunt.)
It might have been two and a half years since you had your neck broke…(Looks at his Jacob diamond-encrusted watch.) but you about TWO AND A HALF MINUTES from havin’ ‘dat ISH BROKE AGAIN! (Means mugs the camera.)
My name ain’t Mighty Impala. This ain’t no tune-up match. I’ll split yo’ wig and not think twice about it! (Looks wild-eyed into the camera.) You wanna purify wrestling? Show America how it’s done? (Looks annoyed.) Man, you best take this ish back to Moscow and tell it to Richard Marx or whatever tha kcuf his name is!
I’m sure you’re real proud of bein’ related to the guy that invented the Molotov Cocktail. I’m sure vigilante groups, terrorists, and rioters in third world countries are paying you royalties to this day for making such an invention. (Shakes his head.) Gee…was it really that difficult to come up with? I wonder how Grandfather Molotov came up with that one? How did his genius stumble across this wonderful invention that has changed the world tha way that has?
Now I am sure you know the story passed down to you, but I’m herre to tell tha truth. He was a drunk! Tha guy had one too many shots of Smirnoff and couldn’t find tha kcufin’ cap. Tha dumb triscuit stuffed his crusty-ass snot rag in top, because his drunk clumsy-ass didn’t wanna spill none of his drink. He went to meet up with his wife, she was workin’ tha street corner that night…like she did most nights. Your drunk-ass grandfather certainly wasn’t payin’ tha bills…so she had to sell snatch in order to take care of his retarded ass!
So he met up with her one night, among tha homeless bums and prostitutes. She was huddled up by a fire and your grandpa tried to grab her booty. Well she thought he was a client and turned around to slap him because normally they pay her before they do that. Your grandfather’s hand brushed against the fire and tha rag hangin’ out lit up. He freaked out and started running around in circles like a confused lil’ beeyatch. After seeing that tha fire didn’t go out, he hurled the bottle toward the street and it struck a car. Tha car was ablaze, chaos ensued, and Molotov went down in history.
(Takes a couple of hits off of his blunt and does a sarcastic clap.)
Way to go, Vic. That is somethin’ to be proud of. I wonder if tha dumbass that invented tha urinal cake has a similar story!
I’ve peeped ya out, Vic. I know how ya operate and I honestly don’t think you can hang on my level. I think you and a lot of otha’ fools got it twizted. See only one man can win this tournament. Only one man can outlast all 31 competitors and walk out tha winner. I’m herre to tell ya…you’re lookin’ at that one man.
BELIEVE ‘DAT!
(Puff his blunt.)
I’m done with this. Fade me out.
(FADE TO BLACK)
