You can take that welcome mat...turn it sideways....
(FADE IN to a studio with GXW on-air personality, Jason Grant, seated in the dark as some cheesy techno music plays and the studio lights cut on. The camera zooms in on Grant, who is sporting a GXW blazer, with a shirt and tie. He smiles at the camera and a graphic reading “GXW Insider with Jason Grant” appears at the bottom of the screen.)
JG: Hello wrestling fans and welcome to GXW Insider. I’m your host Jason Grant and do we have a show for you. Lets start off with our top story. A few weeks ago we saw a huge three-way dance for the Television title. The champ, Kin Hiroshi…the former champ, the Reaver…and a newcomer to the ranks of GXW, Boogie Smallz. As you will recall, several months ago I broke the story of Smallz signing with GXW and the man has been on a rampage. Well in the three-way match he did what many skeptics thought would never happen, he captured the Television title by pinning the Reaver and not the champion, Kin Hiroshi.
(A picture of Boogie is shown on the corner of the screen. He has a blunt hanging from his mouth and the TV title draped over his shoulder.)
JG: He has taken a lot of flack from some of the sheet and internet writers, the boys in the locker room are criticizing the way he won the belt, and I want to give him the opportunity to say what’s on his mind, to see his side of the situation. So let’s not wait another second. We have Boogie Smallz via satellite from his home in Brooklyn, New York.
(Boogie is shown sitting on a stool with a NYC skyline backdrop behind him. He’s wearing a black Fubu warm-up suit and a white fur Kangol hat turned around backwards. He has the TV over his shoulder and is puffing a blunt.)
JG: Hey there Boogie, what up dawg?
(The screen splits so that both men are shown from their respective location.)
BOOGIE: When are you gonna get it in your head, Grant? We ain’t friends…we ain’t peeps, so don’t holla’ at me like we go way back or sumthin’!
JG: But we do. Remember when you forced me to smoke that blunt?
BOOGIE: (Smiling) Yeah…that was some funny ish, but you still ain’t my boy.
JG: (Looking disappointed.) Alrighty then. What’s your side of what went down in that match with Hiroshi and Reaver.
BOOGIE: First they say I drugged the champ…or I should say ALLEGEDLY drugged the champ and caused him to be off his game. Yeah he ate muffins, yeah he got f’d up on them, yeah…I was laughin’ near his dressing room door, but I’m tellin’ ya’…I was framed. This is a plot against me and I betcha’ the same person that’s behind these ridiculous ass commercials that beez on my promos is tha same mofo responsible for settin’ me up.
JG: So you are saying you didn’t drug Kin?
BOOGIE: Right. Come on…I’d have to be pretty low-down to do some shizz like that. (Grins)
JG: What about pinning the Reaver for the belt instead of Hiroshi?
BOOGIE: It’s a three-way dance, anyone can pin anybody in there to win…that’s just how the matches are structured. Kin saved face…he shouldn’t be complainin’. He’s an unbeaten ex-champ and if he wants a one-on-one match…it’s all good. (Puffs his blunt and lets the smoke out as he talks.) I gots a habit…gold, I gots to have it…and by any means necessary. I gotta have a little more bling bling to go with my platinum and ice HHE medallion. (Holds up the Hip Hop Express logo hanging from a chain around his neck.) But like I said, he wants a rematch...he deserves a rematch, I will give him a rematch.
JG: Well, maybe you have to make it past your next opponent first, “Big Deadly” Christian Sands!
BOOGIE: Big Deadly? (Chuckles) That’s his nickname? He comes up to my nipples and he’s Big Deadly? Man, I’ve taken shitz bigger than that kid. But I ain’t worried about him. I heard him runnin’ off ‘bout how he’s gonna end my streak like he did to Johnny Styles and all that renyrenyrenyreny (Imitating Eminem, imitating his mom in the song “My Dad’s Gone Crazy”.) ish that I’m tired of hearin’. Styles ain’t me…and you’re gonna find that out like countless others have before your triscuit ass was even thinkin’ about getting’ in a ring! (Puffs his blunt.)
JG: Here is the latest promo sent in from Sands, lets take a look.
(Sands’ promo airs and the camera gives a shot of Boogie at its conclusion.)
JG: “Welcome to GXW”…I like that.
BOOGIE: Ya would ya lil’ punk ass busta! Let me make things straight to this Al Snow wannabe! Walkin’ ‘round with a shrunken head or some shizz…overdosin’ on HATERADE! This ain’t no foreign language…just ‘cuz I don’t speak your native tongue, which is B!TCH, don’t hold it against me. Then again, like I give a f(BLEEP)! (Shakes his head.) It seems like every opponent I face wants to mock me…I guess that’s cool, imitation is a form of flattery or whateva’. I mean, a lot of people want to be like me. I got gold, I got hoez, I got my nizzoz backin’ me up, and people can’t help but hate me…because, let’s face it, they’re jealous!
JG: That very well may be true, but what about your ties to the CSWA. A lot of people see what’s going on there with this quote unquote “GXW Invasion” taking place over there. Are you involved with that?
BOOGIE: Nah, man….I don’t give a damn about that ish. I’m tryin’ to come up on my own herre, without a partner. Like Sands said, I’ve been a tag team guy my whole career…but I guess Sands doesn’t realize the level of competition in tha CSWA. Tha HHE is the futhamuckin’ cornerstone…tha damn foundation of the CSWA tag team division…hell, I’ll go even further…we put potholes in the road that was paved for us on our way to the top…and we tore up the road so damn bad…can’t NOBODY even catch up with us. (Puffs his blunt.) But I think Sands is foolin’ himself if he thinks I rely on Inferno Ice…tha ORIGINAL Inferno of Wrestling ™, as some crutch or somethin’. Everybody knows who tha leader of HHE is (Points at himself.), Infertno knows his role.
JG: But what about Sands saying that you are all alone in GXW.
BOOGIE: (Smirks.) Man, he obviously don’t know me too well. I may not have a partner, but I’m in GXW and lookin’ by the folks you have around herre…I don’t need any help. But Sands…aren’t you all alone? Oh no…you got Mr. Socko…or Head, whatever tha hell you ripped off of Avatar. (Smiles and puffs his blunt.) It’s been me against tha world since I was born…and ish ain’t changed! You think because I’m a solo act herre that I’m vulnerable? Heh. Have I been vulnerable the past 4 months or so that I’ve been here? (Shakes his head.) Uh uh, man…if anything I have been nothin’ but DOMINANT and that’s gonna carry over to tha Table Match at Onslaught.
JG: We have a few more seconds, do you have any closing thoughts?
BOOGIE: (Puffs his blunt and lets the smoke out slowly. He clears his throat and speaks.) Some folks want to live in denial and it looks like that’s what “Big Deadly” is doin’. Say what you will, make claims to me scamperin’ back to Greensboro…but how can I go back if I never left? (Smiles) A word of advice, bring a coat with you to ringside because if hell is gonna freeze over from me puttin’ you through a table…then it might get real f(BLEEP)in’ cold while you lay around in a pool of your own blood surrounded by table debris! You wanna doubt me? Ask tha bums I’ve beat before you that thought they could do somethin’. I forced one to retire, anotha’ one tucked tail and ran out the fed, and I’m guessin’ that you’ll wind up with a similar fate…BELIEVE ‘DAT!
(FADE TO BLACK as a commercial begins to air for the future mega-show, Fallout.)