Round 1: New & Improved D-X vs HPSC

[Linguistic]

Round 1.

Deadline: December 2, 2006 by midnight Central time.

2 RP Limit.

 

[thegr817deuce]

A long, black limousine pulls into the parking area in the back of the arena. It comes to a stop and after a few seconds, the rear doors open. From the near side steps “Sensational” Steven Shane, while the far side produces none other than his tag team partner, Chip Friendly. They casually make their way out of the car as it pulls off. They saunter toward the arena entrance, but they’re disrupted by Toine as he bursts onto the scene.

Toine: Guys! Guys! Can I get a quick word before you make your way into the building?

Chip: Toinio! What are you doing in these parts?

Toine: Good journalism knows no boundaries, Chipster.

Shane: And they wonder why this guy is our exclusive interviewer.

Toine looks to the ground and kicks around in a child-like manner.

Toine: Ahh shucks, guys…

Shane: Whoa! Don’t let it go to your head, Toinio. I was just saying… well, you know…

Toine: What?

Shane: Well, you not looking at any type of boundaries when it comes to interviewing one of the most dominant tag teams that the wrestling world still really hasn’t seen.

Toine: That’s what I’m here for.

Shane: I mean, to think that you would actually go to the extent to break the bylaws of your contract, just so that you could lose your job for that one last interview with the guys.

Toine: Wait. What? Lose my job?

Shane: You do realize that it’s part of your contract, right?

Toine: No! That’s not it at all! I just wanted to make sure that you guys were properly represented and that everyone knew that the favorites coming into this tournament were the Highland Park Social Club and that they were the most dominant force that the wrestling world had ever seen and that-

Shane: Toine! Calm down. I’m just messing with ya. Everything’s cool and the proper authorities have signed all the release forms.

Toine: What? Oh. WHEW! Thank goodness. For a second there, I didn’t think that I was going to be your interviewer anymore.

Shane: Of course you will be. We’ll just have to do them all via satellite. That is, if we can even get a satellite to Africa…

Toine: Africa? Why are we going to Africa?

Shane: WE’RE not going to Africa, Toinio. YOU are.

Toine: What?

Shane: Yeah, we decided that you would probably be happier in your homeland, so we signed all those papers.

Toine: But I’m American! I’ve never even been to Africa!

Shane: Really?

Toine: Yeah!

Shane: Ouch. That might be a problem… You still have your green card, right?

Toine: Green card? Why would I have a green card?

Shane: To prove your citizenship.

Toine: You don’t need a green card to prove your citizenship if you were born in America!

Shane: Yeah, you do. Here’s mine…

Shane flashes a card out very quickly and then puts it back in his wallet.

Toine: That wasn’t a green card! It was an American Express card! Are you messing with me again?

Shane leans over to Chip.

Shane: I told you we should have gotten better props!

Chip: I really didn’t think he was smart enough to realize it.

Shane: Touché.

Toine: Guys, I'm standing RIGHT HERE... Can I just do this quick interview and get it over with?

Shane: Ehh, what the hell?

Toine: Thank you. Guys, this week in the MCW Tag Team Tournament, you’re set to face off against your first opponents, The New and Improved D-X. Any thoughts on how you’re going to handle this?

Shane: Being the history buff that I am, I will probably take the same path that others took in the destroying of the Old and Not-So-Improved D-X, because as you and I both know, history repeats itself.

Toine: I’m sorry, Steve, but I’m a little fuzzy. What exactly do you mean?

Shane: I mean, I’m going to call Sean Waltman and have him come in to completely kill any type of push that our opponents might get without him being there.

Chip: Ouch.

Shane: Hey, don’t hate it. It’s the truth. And anyone that wants to go to the extent of naming themselves the New and Improved anything can’t say **** about that. I mean, if you’re going to reinvent some way overdone plot, at least come up with some name other than the New and Improved…

Toine: I think he makes a good point, Chip.

Chip: Toine, we weren’t asking you. I believe you were asking us.

Toine: Right. Well, that was really my only question…

Shane: I thought you said something about good journalism earlier.

Toine: I did.

Shane: And you call one question good journalism?

Toine: Well, that’s really all that the people want to know right now.

Shane: I suggest you try harder next time, Toine. But just for good measure, practice now.

Toine: Now?

Shane: Just one more question. It’s called improv and all the good journalists do it. Al Roker makes up the weather as he goes.

Toine: Okay… umm… will you guys be able to move onto the next round against this strong NAPW team?

Shane: Good, but not great. I’ll answer it anyway…

I believe it is more than fair to say that Chip and I can handle ourselves within the ropes against these guys.

Toine: What makes you so sure?

Shane: Good work, Toine! Now you’re getting it!

Anyway, while Chip has yet to see what people from outer space can do in the wrestling ring, I have managed to see this myself and I can tell you that they bring nothing compared to what Chip and I bring from A1E.

Chip: Shane’s done an excellent job of telling me all about the Mooninites offense.

Toine: Mooninites? Outer space? What are you guys talking about?

Shane: These guys we’re fighting are from NASA. They’re excellent at calculations, so long as they convert everything from inches to millimeters, but they’re horrible in the ring.

Toine: Okay… guys, I think our spot is over. Thanks for… everything.

Shane: Anytime, Toinio.

Toine scurries off as Shane and Chip lean together.

Chip: He’s a good kid.

Shane: Yeah, but he’s gonna be PISSED when he finds out I wasn’t joking about the Africa thing…

 

[Bruce Richards]

(The camera opens on a mouth. There's a hint of a beard fringing the frame. The mouth starts talking in a low, melodious baritone.)

VOICE: Honour. Respect. Sportsmanship. These are just a few of the things that the New and Improved D-X stands for.

(The camera pulls out, to show Bruce "The Beast" Richards. The more cultured, refined member of the New and Improved D-X. At least, until he steps into the ring. It's a whole different ballgame for his opponents when they get between the ropes to meet the large bearded bethemoth.)

BRUCE RICHARDS: Another word that defines Kyle Roberts and me? Annihilation. Total, complete domination. We are the four-time NAPW tag team champions, and we hold the record for the longest title reign in New Alberta Pro. When we participated in the Dupree Cup, Kyle and I were unbeaten.

So my question to the Highland Park Social Club is this: Why the hell haven't you been doing the research?

Sure, pick on our name, if you think it's going to help. It'll just be one more data point on the chart I've previously made for our opponents. Gee, I think that "Mocking D-X's Moniker" is the largest piece of the pie chart. It's only slightly larger than "Opponents Who Learned The First Time They Got Their Asses Beat."

Now, don't get testy. I'm not slagging on you two TOO much here, because you're a pretty good tag team. Steven Shane's a two-time tag team champion, and as far as I recall, you two were pretty high up the Electronic News Network's rankings of the 50 Best Tag Teams in North America. Hell, to place ANYWHERE on that list is an achievement. So you guys are something to be reckoned with. But you know what? You might have placed high on that list, but I don't think you placed higher than FIRST. The New & Improved D-X are the number one tag team on this whole damn continent. The New & Improved D-X are four-time NAPW Tag Champs. The New & Improved D-X are the team to beat. And if you think that you can beat us? Well, I think I know what my partner, the Emerald Execution, the Maverick from Moose Jaw, Stylin' Kyle Roberts woulc say about that.

(Cut to Kyle Roberts, standing RIGHT BESIDE Bruce, swinging a tiny white Wii controler frantically in front of him and shrieking.)

KYLE ROBERTS: **** you you ****ing monkeys! I'll kill you and your ****ing mothers!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes. **** you, you monkeys. Wait a second. (Turns to Kyle.) Do you have to play that right here? RIGHT now?

KYLE ROBERTS: I'm almost finished the forest temple! I'm about to get the boomerang, biatch! (The television explodes in a cacaphony of monkeys.) DAMN YOU MONKEYS! You're supposed to be helping me!

BRUCE RICHARDS: We're filming a promo!

KYLE ROBERTS: I'm sorry if my adventuring doesn't fit neatly into your busy schedule. But the Princess of Hyrule waits for no-one!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Of COURSE she waits! You can turn that thing off any time! There's a save feature!

KYLE ROBERTS: Can't save. Too busy moving boxes.

BRUCE RICHARDS: I'm glad you found something to entertain you while we had these past few weeks off, Kyle, but I really think you need to focus.

KYLE ROBERTS: On what?

BRUCE RICHARDS: The MCW Tag Team Tournament?

KYLE ROBERTS: Pshaw. Who could they possibly send against us? One of the other five NAPW entries that we'll have no problem beating? The Midnight Cowboys? The Christian Warriors? The Tiny Breakable Englishmen?

BRUCE RICHARDS: You just made that last one up.

KYLE ROBERTS: You can't prove that.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Seriously. I can.

KYLE ROBERTS: (Sighs.) Fine. Who did they put against us?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Chip Friendly and Steven Shane. The Highland Park Social Club.

KYLE ROBERTS: Steven Shane...Steven Shane...why does that name sound familiar?

BRUCE RICHARDS: He was in the running for the Dupree Cup.

KYLE ROBERTS: Yeah, right. And didn't he used to be partners with Andrew Gilkison? The guy we wiped the floor with in that tournament?

BRUCE RICHARDS: I think so.

KYLE ROBERTS: And when they broke up, didn't he Gilki-lose to his former partner's Gilkredible Gilki-powers?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Yes, he did.

KYLE ROBERTS: Now, Bruce, we know that you're the statistician around here. But I remember Math 20 all right. If A is greater than B, and B is greater than C, then logically, aren't we better than Steven Shane?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Mathematically speaking? Yes.

KYLE ROBERTS: Who cares about math? I'm talking about Kyle Robertsly speaking! I tell you something, when I get into that ring (slash with the controller) they could be monkeys (slash) they could be a horse (slash) they could be a ******* POLAR BEAR (sla****y-slash-slash)!!! I've beaten them all.

BRUCE RICHARDS: You did NOT beat that polar bear. You could barely full-nelson that horse. And you've NEVER fought a monkey.

KYLE ROBERTS: (Slash.) Beaten them all. And if there's anything left of Friendly's Shanesational House of Fish and Chips when I'm through with them? You can pick them up and SLAM them back down with the Chart Attack. One Two Three, The New & Improved D-X go on to the next round to fight S.A.D. or whatever other team makes it past.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Actually, it's probably going to be the Celtic Assassins.

KYLE ROBERTS: (Slash.) Man, how bad is it going to be for them when they lose to us two weeks in a row?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Ouch.

KYLE ROBERTS: Now if you'll excuse me, I have rupees to plunder! AVAST YE MONKEYS!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Let's review here folks. Kyle Roberts has been playing the Wii for nine hours a day, three days straight. And yet he a) actually knows who our opponents are, b) mocked their name in a completely unique manner, and c) managed to mock FOUR OTHER TAG TEAMS in the process. Sure, one was imaginary, but that's not the point. The point is, The New & Improved D-X get more done in one promo than other tag teams get done in their entire career. Hell, when some tag teams go up against us: one promo IS their entire career.

So enjoy the moment, HPSC. It's not going to last very long.

(Fade out as the camera zooms in on Bruce Richards's grin.)

 

[MrWest]

(The HPSC Locker Room: Chip Friendly is sitting in a chaise lounge - enjoying the moment. Around him are numerous small children and two 5' 4" tall men in derbies on their heads and casts on thier arms. The children are working very dilligently to set up what appears to be a huge party. Toine enters the room and walks up to The Chipper.)

CHIP: Hey, Toinio. Wanna Margarita?

TOINE: Not right now, I'm working.

CHIP: Eh. She'll probably still be here when you get off.
(beat)
So what's kicking?

TOINE: I'm supposed tp get another interview with you and Steven Shane about this MCW Tag Team Tournament,

CHIP: This what?

TOINE: The Major Championship Wrestling Open Invitational Tag Team Tournament. You and Shane are competing in it.

CHIP: Oh...the MCWOTTT!

TOINE: Exactly.

CHIP: Never heard of it.

TOINE: C'mon Chip. You guys already did one interview about this with me.

CHIP: Really? Hmm, I think you probably had better talk the Sensational Steve about that.

TOINE: Fine. Is he around?

CHIP: Nope. He's out tracking down more orphans.

TOINE: Orphans?

CHIP: Yep. It's the holiday season. This week we are doing the orphan thing.

TOINE: Oh so I see you are throwing a party for them.

CHIP: For them? Nah, this is for the big HPSC Holiday Blowout tonight. The orphans will be well back at the orphanage eating their gruel before that kicks off.

TOINE: But you are making them set things up anyway?

CHIP: I am teaching them the value of hard work. It's not easy being an orphan, Toine. Someone has to toughen them up. And besides, there will be alcohol at the party, and it is wrong to give orphans alcohol.

TOINE: Well, I hope you are at least giving them lunch.

CHIP: Didn't you just hear me say it is wrong to give orphans alcohol?

(Chip takes another sip of his Mimosa.)

TOINE: Okay. So can I at least get a statement about your opponents?

CHIP: Sure. I think they are great. It is truly an honor to be facing two opponents as distiguished and obviously talented as these two.

TOINE: You have no idea who you are facing, do you?

CHIP: None. Stevie Baby is handling all that kind of stuff this week. I am just showing up and being awesome like usual.

TOINE: Chip, you were right there when we were talking about them earlier.

CHIP: Hmm...must not have made much of an impression then, But still, I am sure it will probably be the toghest match of my life and I will be honored just to make it out of the ring in one piece...like normal.

TOINE: Chip, you and Steven Shane are scheduled to face the 4 time NAPW Champs the New & Improved D-X. They are considered perhaps the top team in the field.

CHIP: Wow. That's pretty cool. Do they like Eggs Benedict?

TOINE: Sure, everyone likes...wait a second, I have no idea whether they do or not. And - honestly - I can hardly imagine why it would matter.

(Chip beckons for the short guys in derbies and casts to come over. They do so.)

CHIP: Toine, this is Eggs Benedict and his partner Macon Crystal. Eggs, Toinio her was saying that you guys don't matter.

EGGS: Blimey! I'll kick his bloody arse!

TOINE: Let me guess; "The Tiny Breakable Englishmen".

CHIP: Actually, they go by "Macon and Eggs." But anyway, Sensational Steve and I thought we might bring them in to handle our light work for the first few rounds of this tournament.

TOINE: I am not sure you could consider anyone for New Alberta Pro to be "light work" let alone the NID-X.

CHIP: Toinio, when are you going to learn - against the Highland Park Social Club, everyone is Light Work.

 

[Jago]

(A flare of light opens the shot, as if a lens cap is being taken off. The quality of this shouts handicam, as opposed to the professional quality of film used in the last New and Improved D-X promo. The camera is lifted up and we see a young brunette dressed in a nightgown looking into the lens. She smiles and turns the camera around. We're treated to the interior of an Edmonton apartment building, as the camera moves through rooms. Ah, the kitchen. And hovering over a saucepan is one half of the New and Improved D-X, Stylin' Kyle Roberts. Six foot two, brown spiky hair, and a perpetual five o'clock shadow are his defining characteristics. Oh, and a childlike attention problem. He looks over and smirks.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Hey, babe. Hollandaise is almost ready. How'd you sleep?

AMY: (behind the camera, somewhat muffled yet easily heard): The usual. You've really got to lighten up on the snoring.

KYLE ROBERTS: Could you pass me the English muffins?

(A hand comes into frame, pushing Kyle a plate of English muffins. Kyle reaches into the oven and pulls out some precooked eggs over-easy.)

KYLE ROBERTS: What's with the camera? Leon taking the morning off? Or did you GIVE him the morning off? (Kyle arches an eyebrow.) I mean, I'm all for some fun and kink, but there's Bennies to be et. But afterwards, then it could be Amy time, maybe?

(The arm swats him.)

AMY: I just wanted to capture you on film when you're NOT yelling at some guy or getting beat down in the ring by jerks.

KYLE ROBERTS: Amy, I never get beat down! Or when I do, it's always because they've got ****tards helping them out. Stupid strength in numbers. And when I yell at people, it's because I actually want competitive matches. Apparently, nothing riles people up like some good smack talk.

AMY: So, Los Angeles, huh?

KYLE ROBERTS: Looks like.

AMY: Excited?

KYLE ROBERTS: Sure. I mean, I've been there before with Bruce to experience Disneyland, but we've never wrestled there. Well, unless you count the mishap at Medieval Times. So that should be awesome.

AMY: You know where we should go? Rodeo Drive!

KYLE ROBERTS: Holds up. What's with this "we?" Amy, you know MCW's sending Bruce and I, and Fleming. But they're only shelling out for the three of us. Hell, look at how many people from Edmonton they're flying out. Rex Caliber, Tommy Deathrow, the Celtic Assassins plus probably their lawyer - God, I can't help but think of how much he charges them, Simply Beautiful, Brian Bruno, those new Christian Warriors and the Kurtis brothers. That's a lot of money to be shelling out. If this promoter's anything like Joseph Winchell is, I'm sure we'll be taking up space in the cargo hold.

AMY: No, Kyle, I realize that. But I have more than enough Air Miles saved up, and God knows I can take a break from work for the weekend. And it's L.A.! Celebrities to see, shopping to do! We could even hit Disneyland again.

KYLE ROBERTS: Not this weekend. Tell you what. If you REALLY want to go with us-

AMY: And I do.

KYLE ROBERTS: -we're going to be going back for the second round, the third round, whatever it takes for Bruce and I to show this promotion just what it takes to be the most dominant tag team in North America. So we can actually plan a weekend of stuff to do. Just let us get our bearings first. I mean, we're wrestling at the ****ing Staples Center! Now that's class! But when we go back, you can come. And I'm sure Tiffany would want to spend time with Bruce as well.

AMY: Yay!

KYLE ROBERTS: Now, are we going to eat here or what? These eggs are getting cold, and hollandaise waits for no man!

(The camera is placed on a table, as Amy walks into frame, gives Kyle a kiss, and sits down to breakfast. Kyle looks back at the camera.)

KYLE ROBERTS: Do you have another DV tape kicking around?

AMY: Probably. I can only buy them in two-packs.

KYLE ROBERTS: (smirks) I'm going to scarf down these eggs. And then I'll put another tape in the camera. Because I'm not sure if these eggs will be enough to satisfy me.

AMY: Oh, please. You made yourself enough Eggs Benedict for a family of four. Although I don't see what that has to do with putting another tape in- aaaah. Right. Well, since you'll be taking me to California, I guess we could have some Amy time.

KYLE ROBERTS: (pumps his fists) Whooo! Amy time! (Kyle scoops up Amy out of the kitchen chair and takes her out of frame.)

(The camera is filming an empty table for a few seconds. Until Kyle pops back into frame to get another mouthful of eggs. He notices the camera, smiles, and then turns it off.)

* * *

(Cut to a park bench in the middle of Sir Winston Churchill square in beautiful downtown Edmonton. Well, it's beautiful if you like snow and sub-zero temperatures. Which apparently, Bruce Richards does. He's dressed in a warm black winter three-quarter length wool coat, leather gloves, and a black cowboy hat, clutching his cane. There's a cameraman with him, a sound guy holding a boom mic, and a small blonde woman in a huge parka. He's wrapping up his latest NAPW promo, and he delivers his last lines right into the camera.)

BRUCE RICHARDS: Because I'm back. And I'm here to keep them.

DIRECTOR: And cut! That's a wrap. Nice job, boys. (Claps Bruce on the back.) Good luck in Los Angeles, Bruce!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Thanks, Dio. (The blonde woman runs up to him and hands him his bronze travel mug.) Thanks for the coffee, Tiff. (He bends down and she gives him a kiss on the cheek.)

TIFFANY: N-n-no problem. (Rubbing her arms.) C-c-can we go inside now?

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Smirking.) You're not cold, are you?

TIFFANY: Y-y-yes.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Sips his coffee.) But it's such a nice day outside!

TIFFANY: Yeah, m-m-maybe for a giant bear like y-y-you. I'm little!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Fine, we'll head inside. (He walks North towards the City Hall, using his cane in his right hand.) Just don't call me a bear around Kyle, okay? He's easily confused and has a wicked headlock.

TIFFANY: (Putting her arm in his as they walk down into the heated underground pedway.) Right. So, when do you leave for the airport?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Tomorrow night. Gives me enough time to put together another promo for the match against the Assassins on Tuesday.

TIFFANY: (Shaking her head.) I don't know about this.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Don't know about what now?

TIFFANY: You've taken two weeks off because of that knee, and now you're throwing yourself back into the game with TWO matches in less than a week? I don't want to call you a glutton for punishment, but head up to the pain trough, Mr. Piggy.

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Scoffs.) Listen, baby, I'll admit that it looks bad. But really, after the title defense, The Highland Park Social Club's not much to worry about. Hell, Kyle and I could take on them AND Macon & Eggs in a four-on-two handicap match and we'd still be in good enough shape to go out dancing afterwards.

TIFFANY: Do you and Kyle OFTEN go out dancing together after a match?

BRUCE RICHARDS: It's a figure of speech.

TIFFANY: It's not a figure of speech I've ever heard before.

BRUCE RICHARDS: The point is, I'm not going to worry too much about these guys. I've studied the tapes, and I've seen Chip Friendly's Patented Smiley Face and The Sensational California Clutch. One thing I've learned about interpromotional events from the Dupree Cup: in the first round, The New & Improved D-X rises easily above the rest of the crew. I'll actually worry about my condition when the next round comes.

TIFFANY: Speaking of the next round...

BRUCE RICHARDS: Yeah?

TIFFANY: I was thinking I might join you that weekend.

BRUCE RICHARDS: And why would you want to do that?

TIFFANY: Bruce! It's minus twenty-five outside, minus FORTY with the windchill! And you're asking me WHY I want to go to California?

BRUCE RICHARDS: (Laughing.) Yeah, fair enough. I'm sure it'd be fine, but can you afford the ticket?

TIFFANY: I've got some money in my rainy day account; sorry, SNOWY day account. I'll be fine.

BRUCE RICHARDS: Good.

TIFFANY: Where are we going now?

BRUCE RICHARDS: I thought we'd go to back to the apartment.

TIFFANY: (Wrinkling her nose.) Why?

BRUCE RICHARDS: I got us an early Christmas present.

TIFFANY: (Eyebrows raised.) What is it?

BRUCE RICHARDS: Kyle's not the only one with a penchant for electronics.

TIFFANY: (Clapping her mittened hands.) Wheee!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Exactly.

* * *

(Cut to the interior of an airplane. The loudspeaker is finishing off the pre-flight directions in French.)

WESTJET STEWARDESS: Thank you for flying Flight 901 to Calgary. We will land in about half an hour, just in time for you to get to the connecting flight to Los Angeles.

(Bruce and Kyle are relaxing in their chair, as Bill Fleming, the New and Improved D-X's manager, goes over their itinerary.)

BILL FLEMING: Now, Steven's the one you really have to look out for. He's an A1E champion three times over.

KYLE ROBERTS: Pfft. What the Social Club has to realize is that Bruce and I are the elite in this business. NAPW IS tag team wrestling. You can see that by the sheer amount of NAPW teams in the tournament. So for us to be the four time tag champs? We've kept these belts around our waists for six months now.

BILL FLEMING: You can't just dismiss them like that!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Bill, we're not dismissing them. I've watched a few of their matches on YouTube. I've sparred with Kyle, showing him everything we need to watch out for. I've given him a detailed list of their strengths and weaknesses.

KYLE ROBERTS: I even looked it over once!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Trust me, Bill. We're ready for the Social Club.

KYLE ROBERTS: Hey, do you think Macon and Eggs will be there?

BRUCE RICHARDS: No. Kyle, you KNOW they're not midgets, right?

KYLE ROBERTS: What? You've got to be ****ting me!

BRUCE RICHARDS: Sorry. I speak the truth this time.

KYLE ROBERTS: Damn! I was all ready for some pre-match midget wranglin'! Way to put a downer on my flight, Bruce. (Kyle looks directly into the camera.) Steven Shane! Chip Friendly! How DARE you lure me to California with thoughts of midgets, only to dash my hopes! If you promise me midgets, you'd damn well better deliver! I'll Beartame you but good! Bruce here? He'll make sure to Chart Attack you silly! And heaven help you if The new and Improved D-X decide to get Down and Dirty on your asses.

BRUCE RICHARDS: We were the tag team that made all of America sit up and take notice during the Dupree Cup. We're one of the biggest draws across Western Canada. We were named Top Tag Team of the Year. What do you have? A lackey that goes around claiming to be your exclusive interviewer. Jokes older than my best bottle of cabernet. Are you truly the best that the tourney has to offer us?

KYLE ROBERTS: Don't get us wrong. We'll wrestle you. And you'd better bring your best, because Bruce and I give no quarter. It's full tilt awesomeness thanks to your spectacular tour guides, The New and Improved D-X! You want light work, Chip? I'll have you aching so much after our match that you'll have to go back to your job at Staples unable to carry anything larger than a six-pack of Elmer's Glue for two months!

BRUCE RICHARDS: So we're eager to see what A1E brings to the ring. If the Highland Park Social Club can't measure up to us, maybe IrishRed and James Irish can. Or maybe they'll be like every other tag team that's come across us in the past half year, and will go home with nothing to show than a bunch of bruises and another notch in the old 'L' column.

KYLE ROBERTS: See you in the ring, guys. And MCW? Make sure to polish that trophy good and hard. You might as well start engraving our names into it, because the New and Improved D-X is here to win.

(The camera fades out on a confident Bruce and a smirking Kyle.)