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Ringlords I 04


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
SW Chicago
TONY ROSS: “Up next we have a match featuring a new member to the GLCW and a seasoned veteran.”

RICK WISEMAN: “A big Texan and a much smaller Whitelandian.”

JAKE SHADES: “Some dumb hick and the most self-aware man in wrestling today…”

TONY ROSS: “The Jobber has been in a rut of sorts and Golden Hawk has already had an impressive debut. Let’s see what happens when rising star collides with a falling…”

J.S.: “Falling? Please Ross, don’t be so naïve. We’ve seen Jobber kill guys like Jarod Poe on more than one occasion. What have we seen from Hawk? Not much of anything just yet… well, except for a spittoon and a gunrack mounted on a rusted pickup. Jobber has been taking a break from the despressing roster that is the GLCW locker room, and has finally decided to come back and grace us all with his talents once again.”

T.R.: “Either way, he hasn’t been winning much nowadays…”

J.S.: “It’s not all about winning, Ross… it’s how you…”

R.W.: “Think… think before you finish that Jake.”

J.S.: “…”

T.R.: “Matt Faley is standing by in the ring, and we’re about to get this one started.

(CUT-TO: Matt Faley standing in the ring, ready to announce the next match. CUE-UP: “Lawnmower” by Worthless United.)

MATT FALEY: “Coming to the ring first, he is the former GLCW Telvision Champion… weighing in at 220 pounds, hailing from Whitelandia, USA… he is THE JOBBER!!!

(Jobber comes down to a chorus of boos. He pays no mind as he casually walks to the ring, decked out in black wrestling tights. CUE-UP: “T For Texas” by Waylon Jennings as Golden Hawk comes down the ramp dressed in clothes you’d only find in a bar called “Billy Bob’s.”)

M.F.: “Coming to you from Austin, Texas, weighing 285 pounds… he is GOLDEN HAWK!”

(Golden Hawk is greeted to a fair amount of cheers as he ducks under the top rope and enters the ring, locking eyes with The Jobber. SFX: Bell ring.)

T.R.: “And this one is under way… Jobber and Golden Hawk locking up. Golden Hawk using his power to get behind the Jobber, Jobber breaking free and ducking under for a hammerlock. Golden Hawk swings wildly back at Jobber, and the Jobber just locks him up in a chicken wing. Golden Hawk lunges forward, and Jobber is on his back. Golden Hawk then presses back into the turnbuckle, breaking Jobber’s hold. Hawk goes to pick the Jobber up, but Jobber rolls out of the way.”

R.W.: “The size advantage may work easily with the rookies, but with Jobber, he can use his speed and size to counter Hawk’s strength and reach.”

T.R.: “Hawk stretching out and grabs Jobber by the hair, and clubs Jobber down with a short-arm clothesline of sorts.”

J.S.: “Looks like somebody spoke too soon.”

R.W.: “Can it, you walking toupee display.”

T.R.: “Relax kiddies. Hawk pulls Jobber up, and lifts him up. Stalling suplex… wow… he’s got im up there for a while… Jobber shakes out of it, and slides down with a sunset flip. Hawk counters, and hits a two-handed chokeslam on the Jobber. 1…2… and the Jobber barely gets the shoulder up.”

R.W.: “If Hawk had hooked applied more pressure to the chest, I don’t know if Jobber could have managed out of that one.”

J.S.: “Rick likes his hookers with a lot of pleasure in the chest… if ya know what I mean, heh heh.

T.R.: “…”

R.W.: “…”

J.S.: “…heh, heh.”

T.R.: “No idea… both men are up, and Hawk with a hard whip to the ropes. Jobber rolls through and flips over the rope to the apron. Hawk charges after him, and Jobber grabs a hold of Hawk, and falls to the outside, draping Golden Hawk’s neck across the top rope. Jobber up on the apron, and lands a guillotine leg drop on the downed Hawk off the top rope, and locks in a single-leg crab. Golden Hawk’s long leg is almost touching his head, as the Jobber is really pulling back.”

J.S.: “I got it, and that’s all that matters… you buffoons.”

T.R.: “Jake… why do you have to make it SO obvious… EVERY broadcast… WHY you shouldn’t have this job?”

J.S.: “…?”

R.W.: “Jobber really working on the leg of Golden Hawk, as Hawk reaches to the ropes. I think he’s gonna make it.”

T.R.: ”Hawk reaches the rope, and Jobber breaks the hold. Hawk charges at the Jobber, but Jobber side-steps and bring Hawk down with a drop-toe. Jobber floats over and applies pressure on the back of the knee of that same leg, wrenching it up.”

R.W.: “The way Jobber has it applied, it looks like a reverse armbar, but on Hawk’s already damaged leg. Marinaro checks in for the submission but Hawk is shaking his head. This is getting nowhere…”

T.R.: “Jobber breaks the hold, and looks like he’s gonna let Golden Hawk get up. OH! A dropkick to that knee of Hawk’s as he tried to get to his feet. Now Jobber is laying elbows down on that knee!

R.W.: “Jobber really concentrating on that leg, trying to keep the big man off his feet.”

J.S.: “You figure that one out all by yourself, or did your mommy fill you in on that one, Einstein?”

T.R.: “Hawk propping himself up on the rope, and Jobber making a baseball slide to that leg. Hawk lifts that leg up, and Jobber slides right out of the ring to the floor. Hawk’s got a big smile on his face as he steps to the apron, and comes off of it with a huge double-axe handle. He scoop slams Jobber to the floor as Marinaro wants the action to go back in the ring. Hawk rolls in briefly to stop the ten-count, and rolls back out. He whips Jobber into the safety barrier, and taunts the crowd. The crowd cheers, and Jobber charges back off the barrier. Hawk catches the Jobber with a spinebuster, and spins around 360 degrees before slamming the Jobber down hard on the back of the neck. Jobber’s head just went through the floor on that one…”

R.W.: “Marinaro again, now yelling at Hawk to bring the action back in the ring…”

T.R.: “Hawk taunts the crowd some more, and rolls back into the ring. He climbs up on the turnbuckle, and poses for the crowd…”

R.W.: “Not the best idea for Hawk to just leave Jobber alone on the outside. This certainly shows Golden Hawk’s greener side in a match against the veteran Jobber.”

T.R.: “And Hawk’s paying for it as the Jobber has pulled Hawk off the turnbuckle from the outside. He pulls Hawk’s nether-regions into the ringpost and applies a figure-four on the outside.”

R.W.: “Marinaro can’t count them out, but he’s still trying to get the action in the ring, pulling on Hawk in one direction, while Jobber pulls on the other. Hawk is in bad shape, and his leg has been concentrated on by the Jobber the entire match.”

T.R.: “Jobber releases the hold and goes back in the ring. He picks Hawk up, and sets Hawk up for the Tiger Driver! Hawk reverses and hits a double underhook facebuster! The Jobber is out and the crowd is going berserk!”

R.W.: “The Big Texan is signaling for the Lone Star Jam as he heads up top!”

T.R.: “Golden Hawk is still favoring his right leg as he leaps for the leg drop. Jobber rolls out of the way and Hawk lands hard, and clutches his leg. Jobber takes the opportunity, and goes for the Step-Over Toe-Hold… this will definitely put Golden Hawk out. HAWK FLIPS THE JOBBER OVER!!! Hawk swung his feet back and flipped Jobber right through the ropes! Hawk is obviously upset about missing the leg drop, and Jobber working over his leg. He’s taking this to the outside as he and Jobber begin an all-out brawl outside the ring!

R.W.: “Marinaro is screaming at the two to get back in the ring as he begins the ten count!”

T.R.: “Golden Hawk is standing on the safety barrier, and he picks Jobber up. Superplex off the barrier, and into the crowd! Jobber flips through it! Jobber hits the Tiger Driver in the first two rows of this arena! The crowd is on it’s feet! Jobber climbs the barrier, and looks as if he’s going for the ring. He looks at Marinaro as he reaches eight in the ten-count.

J.S.: “Jobber, get back in the ring!!! You’ve got this one won!!!!”

T.R.: “Jobber looks back at the downed Hawk, jumps down on Hawk with a dropkick. Marinaro is signaling for the bell, as this one is a double count-out.”

R.W.: “And here come the cavalry to separate these two men, as Hawk is now up and the two are brawling in the stands.”

J.S.: “Jobber!! You coulda had a win here, come on!!! What’re you thinking!? Screw that redneck… get the ‘W’!”

T.R.: “Well, it certainly doesn’t look like much of finish here that either man will be proud of, but as security gets them escorted to the back, we have to go to our next match-up pitting the recently debuted M.W. Grossard and old school, Jonathan Marx.

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