Showtime
League Member
[There is no joy in Hillville today, no there is joy at all. Poor J.J. and Sammy have both struck out at Slamtrack, and now they wallow in woe. Sam and J.J. sit mopily in folding chairs while Simon, their brother and cousin respectively, stands behind them, an pensive look on his face. A pen and clipboard decorate his hands.]
Simon Hill: Gents, we have to do some profound soul-searching after the events of last week's Slamtrack. Point 1: Sammy lost to a girl.
Sam Hill: EQUALITY!
Simon Hill: Yes, yes, you are a Warrior for Change. Point 2: J.J. here lost without even losing.
J.J. Hill: Dirty Rotten kill-stealing, not-even-a-real-bear, blankety-blank LEAF-EATER!
Simon Hill: Indeed. And worst of all? Point 3: I was not even considered having qualified for the tournament to begin with! So gentlemen, J.J...
J.J. Hill: Up yours.
Simon Hill: ...the time has come for us Hills to step up our game.
J.J. Hill: So what? Enunciate more? Be more like a wrestler..? Is that even a thing?
Sam Hill: TRITE EUPHEMISM!
Simon Hill: What I mean is we need to be more aggressive, more astute, we have to have each others' back, and we have to use teamwork!
Sam Hill: WONDER PETS!
J.J. Hill: I thought we were supposed to be like Mr. T and Arnold?
Simon Hill: That was then, Junior, this is now. Our Good Guy act got us outmaneuvered, outsmarted and overlooked in the Red Crown Tournament. If you told me when we join Red Line Wrestling that our weakness would be people with pouches and extra X chromosomes, I would have laughed.
Sam Hill: INCONCEIVABLE!
Simon Hill: But instead WE are the laughees and not the laughers! Brothers, cousins...
J.J. Hill: It's just us, Simon.
Simon Hill: [Pressing on] ...we have to starting looking out for one thing. Family.
Sam Hill: LEGACY!
Simon: Exactly. The Harts. The Von Erichs. The Anoaʻis. These are the names the Hills should be synonymous with! Instead, we're lumped in with the Tomkos. The Gagnes. The Barrs. The Doinks. We are a laughing stock. Pappy Sam would roll in his grave if Granny weren't so cheap and had him creamated!
Sam Hill: PAPPY ROAST!
J.J. Hill: So we be like three thugs that go around beating people up now? Yeah, that's innovative.
Simon Hill: You got a better idea?
J.J. Hill: Well for starters I might not film us planning our next "Big Move" so everyone can expect it.
Barry the Intern: Technically we don't use film. It's all digitally recorded.
J.J. Hill: Thought you weren't allowed to talk in our promos.
Barry the Intern: I'm sorry, but I hate people using the wrong technical jargon.
Simon Hill: Well I don't see any other better idea coming across my desk.
J.J. Hill: We don't have a desk. In fact we sleep here in the faculty lounge on account they pay us so poorly here at RLW.
Simon Hill: Never the less. What with the Marsupials and J-MAX working as cohesive units, we gotta keep an eye on each others' back.
J.J. Hill: If you say so. This is kinda draggin on. Shall we finish on a high note?
Sam Hill: POTTY TIME!
J.J. Hill: That'll do.
[As Sam rushes off, we fade.]
Simon Hill: Gents, we have to do some profound soul-searching after the events of last week's Slamtrack. Point 1: Sammy lost to a girl.
Sam Hill: EQUALITY!
Simon Hill: Yes, yes, you are a Warrior for Change. Point 2: J.J. here lost without even losing.
J.J. Hill: Dirty Rotten kill-stealing, not-even-a-real-bear, blankety-blank LEAF-EATER!
Simon Hill: Indeed. And worst of all? Point 3: I was not even considered having qualified for the tournament to begin with! So gentlemen, J.J...
J.J. Hill: Up yours.
Simon Hill: ...the time has come for us Hills to step up our game.
J.J. Hill: So what? Enunciate more? Be more like a wrestler..? Is that even a thing?
Sam Hill: TRITE EUPHEMISM!
Simon Hill: What I mean is we need to be more aggressive, more astute, we have to have each others' back, and we have to use teamwork!
Sam Hill: WONDER PETS!
J.J. Hill: I thought we were supposed to be like Mr. T and Arnold?
Simon Hill: That was then, Junior, this is now. Our Good Guy act got us outmaneuvered, outsmarted and overlooked in the Red Crown Tournament. If you told me when we join Red Line Wrestling that our weakness would be people with pouches and extra X chromosomes, I would have laughed.
Sam Hill: INCONCEIVABLE!
Simon Hill: But instead WE are the laughees and not the laughers! Brothers, cousins...
J.J. Hill: It's just us, Simon.
Simon Hill: [Pressing on] ...we have to starting looking out for one thing. Family.
Sam Hill: LEGACY!
Simon: Exactly. The Harts. The Von Erichs. The Anoaʻis. These are the names the Hills should be synonymous with! Instead, we're lumped in with the Tomkos. The Gagnes. The Barrs. The Doinks. We are a laughing stock. Pappy Sam would roll in his grave if Granny weren't so cheap and had him creamated!
Sam Hill: PAPPY ROAST!
J.J. Hill: So we be like three thugs that go around beating people up now? Yeah, that's innovative.
Simon Hill: You got a better idea?
J.J. Hill: Well for starters I might not film us planning our next "Big Move" so everyone can expect it.
Barry the Intern: Technically we don't use film. It's all digitally recorded.
J.J. Hill: Thought you weren't allowed to talk in our promos.
Barry the Intern: I'm sorry, but I hate people using the wrong technical jargon.
Simon Hill: Well I don't see any other better idea coming across my desk.
J.J. Hill: We don't have a desk. In fact we sleep here in the faculty lounge on account they pay us so poorly here at RLW.
Simon Hill: Never the less. What with the Marsupials and J-MAX working as cohesive units, we gotta keep an eye on each others' back.
J.J. Hill: If you say so. This is kinda draggin on. Shall we finish on a high note?
Sam Hill: POTTY TIME!
J.J. Hill: That'll do.
[As Sam rushes off, we fade.]