P
Packschmid
Guest
(FADEIN: ARMANDO MONTEZUMA in his "Manager Extraordinaire" outfit, flanked by RAUL and COJONES MERCADO, in his training center in Miami.)
MONTEZUMA: Yeah, yeah...everybody sure got a good laugh at IMPACT!, didn't they? First, they got to see the big man over here lose to some degenerate hick PEDOPHILE with the most greasy disgusting hair I've seen since...well, the last time I looked at Raul. Fine...doesn't matter, because I wasn't FOCUSED on that match...I wasn't FOCUSED on Cojones beating a tobacco-chewing cousin-fondling REDNECK, oh NO...I was FOCUSED on my man Bloodhunt not just beating, but CRIPPLING a decrepid old man on his way to regaining the NFW Heavyweight Championship of the World.
But it didn't work out that way, did it? I'll admit...I made a mistake when I forgot to drug the tip the first time, it's true... I'm not PERFECT, but the fact of the matter is that I was DISTRACTED by that in-bred poor excuse for a World Heavyweight Champion sticking his nose where it didn't BELONG. It's just another example of the terrorist CONSPIRACY that infects the NFW that "C-4" Shane Southern can just WALTZ down to ringside and interfere in a #1 contender's match. You see this, Shane (pulls out a piece of paper), this is a MANAGER'S LICENSE. I have one...I worked LONG and HARD to get this... do you know how many FORMS you have to fill out to get one of these sweet babies? They don't just let ANYONE off the street come in and manage, you know? But you waltz down to ringside right out of the trailer park and INTERFERE, and NOTHING is done about it. (Shakes head.) But, you know what? We PERSEVERED! We fought THROUGH your interference, and we STILL had the match in the bag until some bleached-blond 50 year old chain smoking Billy Idol wanna-be with his FAT ASS stuffed mercilessly into LEATHER PANTS comes out of the crowd and sticks HIS nose where it doesn't belong, and causes MY BEST LAID PLANS to go AWRY.
Are you happy with yourself, Craig Miles? You've been wasting away in some Greensboro PIT for MONTHS accomplishing absolutely NOTHING and neglecting the promotion that you happen to OWN, and you decide to come back at IMPACT! Why? TO SCREW BLOODHUNT AGAIN, THAT'S WHY! To screw a REAL American HERO! You see, Miles, it's never been a secret that you, Michael bin Manson, Rick Ryconik, and Shane Southern have all been in this TERRORIST CONSPIRACY together since DAY ONE...but you went out and PROVED it at IMPACT!
(Grins.) Fine, now it's out in the open, and the peroxide and the nicotine must be seeping into your skull, because you've actually CHALLENGED Bloodhunt to meet you in the ring? (Chuckles.) Look, Bloodhunt, if you're watching...(looks around the room nervously to make sure 'HUNT isn't hiding anywhere)...at home on TV, I know you're probably upset, but let's look at the bright side. Sure, you could have beaten Rick Ryconik, and yes, even with your limited ability you probably could have beaten the old fart by yourself, it's true...but now, Rich, look at the possibilities. You've got CRAIG MILES...Darth Vader HIMSELF...in the ring...something you've wanted since he screwed you over to make his glorified POOL BOY the World Heavyweight champion all those months ago. And if it wasn't for ME, Bloodhunt, you wouldn't HAVE that opportunity...the opportunity to get your REVENGE...once and for all. (Grins.) And after you give Miles the beating of his natural LIFE...you STILL get your shot at the World Heavyweight Championship...on PAY-PER-VIEW...where the circle will FINALLY be complete.
I know you're probably mad at me right now, 'Hunt, but you and me, we're FAMILY. Sure, sometimes families fight, but we're not going to let a group of TERRORISTS tear US apart...we will NOT let the terrorists win. And we're not gonna get MAD, Rich...we're gonna get EVEN. So this is what I'm going to do for you, man...you against Craig Miles...Crash TV, that's YOUR baby. That's right...I'm NOT going to get involved. Scout's honor. Because that is YOUR fight. You may not be the biggest. You may not be the strongest. You may not be the quickest...or the smartest...or the most athletic...but you CAN beat a bleached-blond chain-smoking fat old Billy Idol wanna-be in leather pants, or quite frankly, you don't DESERVE to be the Heavyweight Champion of the World. You like that, 'Hunt...that's MOTIVATION. (Winks.)
While you concentrate on making Craig Miles scream like he was Nixon during shore leave, I'LL take care of Shane Southern. That's right, Shane, you've PISSED OFF the WRONG Manager Extraordinaire. House show...Hartford, Connecticut...you've got an open contract, but I just CLOSED it, because you're about to go ONE...on ONE...with the HAIRY ONE. That's right, you and Cojones, Hartford, Heavyweight Championship of the World. But to all of the people in Hartford who are thinking of buying tickets to see the Heavyweight Championship of the World change hands...don't BOTHER...because I GUARANTEE that Shane Southern will leave Hartford as the Heavyweight Champion of the World. (COJONES looks stunned.) Oh, it's true, because Shane Southern, sure it would be EASY for this man to cave your little pinhead in with a steel chair while Raul distracts the referee, and then we count ONE! TWO! THREE!, and the title is strapped around this man's waist...but we don't WANT it to be EASY on you, Shane...we want you to suffer. So, quite frankly, Raul ISN'T going to distract the referee, and Cojones is STILL going to bash your pinhead in with a steel chair. We'll be disqualified...you'll get a concussion, but you'll STILL be the Heavyweight champion.
And then you come to Crash TV, Shane Southern, and you bring your little belt and you step into the ring against the Polish Putz, the man who just WON'T...GO...AWAY. (Grins.) Shane, once again, I GUARANTEE that Shane Southern will leave Crash TV as the Heavyweight Champion of the World, because Rick Ryconik will never...and I mean NEVER...EVER...disgrace that belt again. Rick Ryconik, your title reign was the Rocky V of professional wrestling...to true fans, IT NEVER HAPPENED...and as God as my witness, there WON'T be a SEQUEL. As far as I'm concerned, Rick, you don't DESERVE this shot in the first place, and by hook or by crook, Shane Southern WILL keep the World Heavyweight title, and he WILL go on to the PAY-PER-VIEW to fill his rightful role in the wrestling universe. Shane Southern... you WILL make it to the Pay-Per-View...FUTURE SHOCK...with the Heavyweight Championship of the World...and you WILL suffer the Headshot...you WILL be pinned in the center of the ring...and I *WILL* go down in history as the man who led Bloodhunt BACK to the Heavyweight Championship of the World. So shall it be written... SO SHALL IT BE DONE!
MONTEZUMA: Yeah, yeah...everybody sure got a good laugh at IMPACT!, didn't they? First, they got to see the big man over here lose to some degenerate hick PEDOPHILE with the most greasy disgusting hair I've seen since...well, the last time I looked at Raul. Fine...doesn't matter, because I wasn't FOCUSED on that match...I wasn't FOCUSED on Cojones beating a tobacco-chewing cousin-fondling REDNECK, oh NO...I was FOCUSED on my man Bloodhunt not just beating, but CRIPPLING a decrepid old man on his way to regaining the NFW Heavyweight Championship of the World.
But it didn't work out that way, did it? I'll admit...I made a mistake when I forgot to drug the tip the first time, it's true... I'm not PERFECT, but the fact of the matter is that I was DISTRACTED by that in-bred poor excuse for a World Heavyweight Champion sticking his nose where it didn't BELONG. It's just another example of the terrorist CONSPIRACY that infects the NFW that "C-4" Shane Southern can just WALTZ down to ringside and interfere in a #1 contender's match. You see this, Shane (pulls out a piece of paper), this is a MANAGER'S LICENSE. I have one...I worked LONG and HARD to get this... do you know how many FORMS you have to fill out to get one of these sweet babies? They don't just let ANYONE off the street come in and manage, you know? But you waltz down to ringside right out of the trailer park and INTERFERE, and NOTHING is done about it. (Shakes head.) But, you know what? We PERSEVERED! We fought THROUGH your interference, and we STILL had the match in the bag until some bleached-blond 50 year old chain smoking Billy Idol wanna-be with his FAT ASS stuffed mercilessly into LEATHER PANTS comes out of the crowd and sticks HIS nose where it doesn't belong, and causes MY BEST LAID PLANS to go AWRY.
Are you happy with yourself, Craig Miles? You've been wasting away in some Greensboro PIT for MONTHS accomplishing absolutely NOTHING and neglecting the promotion that you happen to OWN, and you decide to come back at IMPACT! Why? TO SCREW BLOODHUNT AGAIN, THAT'S WHY! To screw a REAL American HERO! You see, Miles, it's never been a secret that you, Michael bin Manson, Rick Ryconik, and Shane Southern have all been in this TERRORIST CONSPIRACY together since DAY ONE...but you went out and PROVED it at IMPACT!
(Grins.) Fine, now it's out in the open, and the peroxide and the nicotine must be seeping into your skull, because you've actually CHALLENGED Bloodhunt to meet you in the ring? (Chuckles.) Look, Bloodhunt, if you're watching...(looks around the room nervously to make sure 'HUNT isn't hiding anywhere)...at home on TV, I know you're probably upset, but let's look at the bright side. Sure, you could have beaten Rick Ryconik, and yes, even with your limited ability you probably could have beaten the old fart by yourself, it's true...but now, Rich, look at the possibilities. You've got CRAIG MILES...Darth Vader HIMSELF...in the ring...something you've wanted since he screwed you over to make his glorified POOL BOY the World Heavyweight champion all those months ago. And if it wasn't for ME, Bloodhunt, you wouldn't HAVE that opportunity...the opportunity to get your REVENGE...once and for all. (Grins.) And after you give Miles the beating of his natural LIFE...you STILL get your shot at the World Heavyweight Championship...on PAY-PER-VIEW...where the circle will FINALLY be complete.
I know you're probably mad at me right now, 'Hunt, but you and me, we're FAMILY. Sure, sometimes families fight, but we're not going to let a group of TERRORISTS tear US apart...we will NOT let the terrorists win. And we're not gonna get MAD, Rich...we're gonna get EVEN. So this is what I'm going to do for you, man...you against Craig Miles...Crash TV, that's YOUR baby. That's right...I'm NOT going to get involved. Scout's honor. Because that is YOUR fight. You may not be the biggest. You may not be the strongest. You may not be the quickest...or the smartest...or the most athletic...but you CAN beat a bleached-blond chain-smoking fat old Billy Idol wanna-be in leather pants, or quite frankly, you don't DESERVE to be the Heavyweight Champion of the World. You like that, 'Hunt...that's MOTIVATION. (Winks.)
While you concentrate on making Craig Miles scream like he was Nixon during shore leave, I'LL take care of Shane Southern. That's right, Shane, you've PISSED OFF the WRONG Manager Extraordinaire. House show...Hartford, Connecticut...you've got an open contract, but I just CLOSED it, because you're about to go ONE...on ONE...with the HAIRY ONE. That's right, you and Cojones, Hartford, Heavyweight Championship of the World. But to all of the people in Hartford who are thinking of buying tickets to see the Heavyweight Championship of the World change hands...don't BOTHER...because I GUARANTEE that Shane Southern will leave Hartford as the Heavyweight Champion of the World. (COJONES looks stunned.) Oh, it's true, because Shane Southern, sure it would be EASY for this man to cave your little pinhead in with a steel chair while Raul distracts the referee, and then we count ONE! TWO! THREE!, and the title is strapped around this man's waist...but we don't WANT it to be EASY on you, Shane...we want you to suffer. So, quite frankly, Raul ISN'T going to distract the referee, and Cojones is STILL going to bash your pinhead in with a steel chair. We'll be disqualified...you'll get a concussion, but you'll STILL be the Heavyweight champion.
And then you come to Crash TV, Shane Southern, and you bring your little belt and you step into the ring against the Polish Putz, the man who just WON'T...GO...AWAY. (Grins.) Shane, once again, I GUARANTEE that Shane Southern will leave Crash TV as the Heavyweight Champion of the World, because Rick Ryconik will never...and I mean NEVER...EVER...disgrace that belt again. Rick Ryconik, your title reign was the Rocky V of professional wrestling...to true fans, IT NEVER HAPPENED...and as God as my witness, there WON'T be a SEQUEL. As far as I'm concerned, Rick, you don't DESERVE this shot in the first place, and by hook or by crook, Shane Southern WILL keep the World Heavyweight title, and he WILL go on to the PAY-PER-VIEW to fill his rightful role in the wrestling universe. Shane Southern... you WILL make it to the Pay-Per-View...FUTURE SHOCK...with the Heavyweight Championship of the World...and you WILL suffer the Headshot...you WILL be pinned in the center of the ring...and I *WILL* go down in history as the man who led Bloodhunt BACK to the Heavyweight Championship of the World. So shall it be written... SO SHALL IT BE DONE!