[ORLANDO] (6) Bryan Storms vs. (11) Felicia Hart

[TH]

First round match held at the Moody Coliseum in Dallas, TX on Southern Methodist University's campus.

RP deadline is 3/17/08, 11:59:59 PM EDT, give or take a second. No RP limit. One fall to a finish. All other regular rules apply.

 

[ShawnHartXXX]

Introducing Flat Abs Felicia.

A couple days ago, in a trailer park far, far away...

FADE IN: The OTHER Hart is kicking back at the make-up station on the set of her latest deodorant commercial. As her beautician works away on some touch-ups, Felicia looks into the mirror and back at the camera, then breaks into a sweet solilique.

FELICIA: "Sup foolios?"

The make-up artist pulls her bangs back and begins to work on her eyelashes.

FELICIA: "So like, I was watchin' my Will & Grace program the other day and I decided to flip over and see how big brother was doing and MAN, I have to say... the wrestling business is going downhill!!"

She shakes her head in disappointment, much to chagrin of the lady trying desperately to apply her make-up in the proper manner.

FELICIA: "I mean really you guys, the TIT is totally starting and you guys are acting like the ugly girl in class! Now's the time for you to SHINE!! Do your hair up like you're goin' to the prom. Wax that upper lip. SHAVE that shag down below! You've got to be the best you you can be!"

Felicia turns her attention to the make-up artist momentarily.

FELICIA: "You idiot! I saaaaaaaaaaaaaaid I wanted twilight sprinkle!! NOT Moonlight glimmer!! You be f(FCC)ckin' with my colors, you be f(FCC)ckin' with me, homegirl!"

Suddenly... a realization.

FELICIA: "Whoopsies! That's another dollar for the swear jar!"

She withdraws a HUGE jar filled with more money than one could count, seemingly out of nowhere, and dropps a bill inside.

FELICIA: "Heh, a lady can't be using words that make her look less than savory... and that's just what I am!!"

The beautician interjects with a giggle.

MAKE-UP ARTIST: "Less than savory?"

Felicia rolls her eyes.

FELICIA: "A LADY!"

MAKE-UP ARTIST: "Rrrrrrright."

FELICIA: "AS I WAS SAYING, yes... I'm a lady. And while it may be true that the brutal world of pro wrestling isn't quite the place for a delicate flower such as myself, after seeing all that's been goin' down lately, I felt it incumbent upon me to hop into the TEAM Invitational Tournament and put the PIZAZZ back in this place! Sure, it's rough... it's physically demanding, but hey, they don't call my Flat Abs Felicia for nothin'! I'm in tip-top shape, baby!!"

CUT TO: Footage of Felicia's last real work out. When In Rome is on the radio in the background, a picture of Ronald Reagan hangs on the wall behind her, and one can't help but notice her sweet pair of L.A. Gear shoes. It appears as if she's struggling with the last push-up of a set.

FELICIA: "Mmmmmmmmmm..GRRRRRRR...Uuuuuunnnnnnggghhh......TH-THHH-THH... THREEEEEE!!"

CUT TO: Felicia in real time.

FELICIA: "So anyways, I don't really know what to expect... or who I'm even facing, but irregardless of these factoids, when the one, true QUEEN of the RING steps into that place with the ropes and the mat where they wrestle, you can be sure that AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL the eyes of the wrestling world will be on me!! Cuz I'm too hot to trot, SWEET like an apricot, contagious like the cold ya caught!"

The beautician rolls her eyes.

FELICIA: "Er... wait... did that come out right?"

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

FELICIA: "At any rate, I'm here... I'm tasty like a mug full'a beer, and when I step out in front of that crowd, that ORLADO crowd; a hometown crowd that has supported me n' my bro since we were BORN, I'M gonna be the one that comes out on top!"

She licks her lips, much to the chagrin of the beautician that only just applied her lip gloss.

FELICIA: "I like it on top!"

Schoolgirl giggles ensue.

FELICIA: "And I'm reeeeeeeeally gonna like it when I'm top of the wrestling world!! Hugs n' kisses, foolios. Felicia OUT!"

FADE OUT.

 

[CuseTroy]

FADE IN...

Bryan Storms stands in front of a TEAM backdrop, wearing his traditional khaki pants and pale blue pinstriped shirt, along with a pair of blue-tinted sunglasses. Bryan removes the sunglasses, sticks them in his left pocket, and smirks at the camera.

BS: I mean, this is a joke, right?

Shawn Hart's sister?

This was the best you could do, Chapel? This was the best you could do in an attempt to not make it completely obvious that nobody but me is winning this tournament? You couldn't at least put a little effort, a little creativity into this?

I mean, I know you and I are tight, and we go way back to the thing with the guy at the place that I'll never, ever forget, but you at least want to put forth some illusion that I'm not your Chosen One, right? Leave a little suspense for all the kiddies out there who actually think Dan Ryan or Sean Stevens or Lindsay Troy or the Stinky Dead Trout actually have a chance in the universe to walk away with the Merritt Trophy?

But, I'm not the owner of a multimillion dollar wrestling company, I'm just the guy who equals MANY BUYS for your tournament. I'm the guy that gets the people to tune into EPICENTER, and I'm the guy that sold out the Moody Coliseum FIVE ****ING MINUTES after word got out that Everybody's New Favorite Wrestler was going to be in town for the opening two rounds of the TEAM Invitational.

And, oh yeah, I'm the guy who just happens to have the entire city of Orlando abuzz with the possibility that their Favorite Son is going to ride into town on a golden steed, take the Sunshine State by storm and roll into Atlanta to show each and every wrestler on the planet that I am, without a shadow of a doubt, the absolute apex of the wrestling business in 2008.

Unfortunately, my path to glory has to start with the solemn dispensation of another proud child of the Happiest Place on Earth.

Don't think I'm overlooking you, Felicia. I'm sure that during some break in you doing...

...well...

Whatever is is you do in that LOVELY double-wide of yours, that your big bro has given you a pointer or two on what to do inside the squared circle.

And trust me, Felicia, I'm not one to take wisely the wisdom on one Shawn Jessica Hart, Ph.D.

Hell, as someone born and raised in Orlando, I grew up IDOLIZING your big brother The Phenom. I read all the clippings, I watched all the news pieces, I watched the shows and followed the news on Teh Intarwebz...

...

...

Wait a minute, did the Internet even EXIST when Shawn Hart started wrestling? He faced Frank A. Gotch in a catch-as-catch-can classic at the Okechobee Muncipal Alligator Park in 1928, right?

Old jokes. Get's 'em every single time.

Bryan scoffs at the camera, shrugs his shoulders and refocuses.

BS: I consider myself a gentleman, Felicia, so I'm not going to come out here and make the many, MANY obvious wisecracks that I could make that would no doubt send all the fat slobs watching stumbling off their couches onto their Cheeto and Pabst-stained shag carpets in fits of laughter.

Also, most of the obvious jokes can't even be said on CABLE television, and I'm not really in the mood to get either myself of the good, obedient monkeys at TEAM in trouble with the good ol' FCC.

I also consider myself a gentleman, Felicia, because in a normal, everyday situation, there's no way I'd come to blows with a woman. Frankly, I'm about a million times better than that.

But, when that bell rings, you're not going to be just some random broad living in a Central Florida trailer park with two-and-a-half brain cells that are about a millisecond away from leaving you for good.

You'll be some random broad living in a Central Florida trailer park with two-and-a-half brain cells that are about a millisecond away from leaving you for good that unfortunately is standing directly in the path of my destiny. And trust me, when the rules allow it, I will not hesitate to strike you down.

Because nothing, nothing on the Earth or in the heavens above is going to stop Hurricane Bryan from storming into Orlando on the way to taking what's rightfully mine.

And once I hit Atlanta, I'm going to make that tornado that ripped a hole in the roof of the Georgia Dome look like a calm ocean breeze. Everyone in my way is just going to have to deal with that...

So I guess it sucks to be you, kids.

Now, I've already started referring to myself as a friggin' weather phenomenon, so I think it's high time for me to get out of here before I start COMPLETELY emulating my tag team partner.

You morons have no idea what's in store for you. Best thing to do is get out of the way before the collateral damage starts piling up.

...FADE OUT