Steve
the EX-QUEEN of FW~!
(FADEIN: Joey Melton in front of a WFW backdrop.)
MELTON: Cal, you’re right.
I once was lost. But now I’m found.
I once was blind. But now I see.
T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved. How precious did that Grace appear...the hour I first believed.
And Grace, Carlton, was given by a Green Party volunteer who sat by that tick-infested cot, and explained to me the evils of corporate America, and right-wing enthusiasts like your beloved Momma! Yes, Calvin, the apple of your eye, the woman who eternally did you wrong by refusing to wean you off her breast before age twelve, is a greedy old black hag who once tried to sell you to Michael Jackson for a week in exchange for promotional rights to a Ringo Starr club tour!
For all your talk about Texas Reach Arounds, and Cameron’s masturbation techniques, never forget, you were a twelfth hour deal away from being kissed on the head in a temperature controlled shower, drugged, and strung next to a cancer patient on Jackson’s bottom bunk. How it stings to this day, that your bald headed, lazy eyed peer was considered the “pretty one.”
There were good times, Calvin. I remember them well. The prank calls to Ivy at 2 in the morning. The Career Day speeches at Martin Luther King High School in Chicago, where we toured the campus after my sermon, so you could see what it was really like to be black. Remember how that made you feel? How dark, and cold? Who was there to take you for ice cream? Not your fat Momma Carlton. It was me. The best friend you ever had. The man who promised to go to the grave with the secret that you wear lip gloss, and once peed yourself with your clothes on in the shower, just to feel free. That’s what it’s like to be a rich momma’s boy, of a Bush lovin’, war mongreling elitist. You haven’t struggled like the rest of the nation. So you fake it, by climbing trees and spying on your Momma’s Hand Maiden Lucy as she strips down in a bedroom of the servant’s quarters, and then damning society for locking you into a moral box.
That’s not freedom, Cal.
You’re Momma hated me from day one, because I was the Black son she never had, and when she saw it for herself, saw TRUE STRUGGLE with her very own eyes, she hated herself all over again.
Just let the record show, Joey Melton was prepared to remember the Carlton family fondly. The picnics, birthday Glory Holes in a corner of the Game room, and family nights calling into “The Bill O’Reilly Show” during breaks of board game tournaments. That’s what I left with, the memories that I would’ve cherished forever, but Cal, you had to go insult the Fonze’s girl. You’ve dug those two dumb as country dirt pig dicks a hole they’ll never get out of. Ask Cunningham what happens when you **** on Fonzie’s girl?
POW!
I admire the moxy that it took to walk into an Alabama Wal-Mart and find the last two employees of the month and make wrestlers out of them. They’ve done well to this point, but let’s all have a giant dose of perspective. Wearing the NFW tag belts around your waist is sorta like ****ing Ellen Degeneres. It means more to one than it does the other. That league was no bigger than a local Tough Man Contest before Craig Miles broke the bank and brought me into the mix. I MADE THE NFW! I’M THE REASON THERE’S A SEASON TWO! Joey Melton drove the ratings through the roof, ushered millions through the front gates, and on the seventh day, I hog-tied Eddy Love’s ass and kicked it back to the fair! Yes, Cal, Joey Melton’s the man who retired The Great Eddy Love and sent him off to ass rape that great Teddy Bear in the sky. And in Momma Carlton’s eyes, that was strike two!
I would’ve won the ULTRATITLE and gladly let Momma drink from the cup, but you two jackals made the call to sell me down the river for South Carolina’s finest. You gave me up for Eddy Love, and what the hell do you have to show for it? Two descendents of Confederate veterans? I’m not into reenactments Calvin, but if Cruise and I ever see their skinny asses in the ring, history will most assuredly repeat itself.
When I needed you for moral support, or to help me flat out cheat to win, you weren’t there. I’ll always be thankful that you and Momma helped me out when I was down. Gave me a bed to sleep on, and a place to perform. AGAIN: Joey Melton was ready to dine on that for life, but you burned the bridge, Carlton, not I. You opened your family’s front door, but hearing you today…well, I’ll be damned if I’m going to apologize for the thousands I stole from the estate. The Family Heirlooms I put up on Ebay to make it through the week. To give me, and Adrian some cash I didn’t have to borrow from Troy.
Marlon Brando, great man that he was, once said, “Conscience that thing will drive you nuts.” And it did Cal, it took me an extra two minutes to get to sleep at night, knowing that I stole from you and Momma right under your noses, but tonight I bury the conscience!
From this day forward the Carlton family is dead to me! As dead as dead can be!
You were callin’ your Momma’s tits “Num Nums” when the worst of Joey Melton rode over this business like a plague! But, you’ve just ****in’ pissed me off enough to step off of the rose pedals I’ve been walking on for the last couple years, and become the man again!
(Melton shakes his head)
How dare you talk this way to the man who told you what “Free Range” meant!
(FTB)
MELTON: Cal, you’re right.
I once was lost. But now I’m found.
I once was blind. But now I see.
T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved. How precious did that Grace appear...the hour I first believed.
And Grace, Carlton, was given by a Green Party volunteer who sat by that tick-infested cot, and explained to me the evils of corporate America, and right-wing enthusiasts like your beloved Momma! Yes, Calvin, the apple of your eye, the woman who eternally did you wrong by refusing to wean you off her breast before age twelve, is a greedy old black hag who once tried to sell you to Michael Jackson for a week in exchange for promotional rights to a Ringo Starr club tour!
For all your talk about Texas Reach Arounds, and Cameron’s masturbation techniques, never forget, you were a twelfth hour deal away from being kissed on the head in a temperature controlled shower, drugged, and strung next to a cancer patient on Jackson’s bottom bunk. How it stings to this day, that your bald headed, lazy eyed peer was considered the “pretty one.”
There were good times, Calvin. I remember them well. The prank calls to Ivy at 2 in the morning. The Career Day speeches at Martin Luther King High School in Chicago, where we toured the campus after my sermon, so you could see what it was really like to be black. Remember how that made you feel? How dark, and cold? Who was there to take you for ice cream? Not your fat Momma Carlton. It was me. The best friend you ever had. The man who promised to go to the grave with the secret that you wear lip gloss, and once peed yourself with your clothes on in the shower, just to feel free. That’s what it’s like to be a rich momma’s boy, of a Bush lovin’, war mongreling elitist. You haven’t struggled like the rest of the nation. So you fake it, by climbing trees and spying on your Momma’s Hand Maiden Lucy as she strips down in a bedroom of the servant’s quarters, and then damning society for locking you into a moral box.
That’s not freedom, Cal.
You’re Momma hated me from day one, because I was the Black son she never had, and when she saw it for herself, saw TRUE STRUGGLE with her very own eyes, she hated herself all over again.
Just let the record show, Joey Melton was prepared to remember the Carlton family fondly. The picnics, birthday Glory Holes in a corner of the Game room, and family nights calling into “The Bill O’Reilly Show” during breaks of board game tournaments. That’s what I left with, the memories that I would’ve cherished forever, but Cal, you had to go insult the Fonze’s girl. You’ve dug those two dumb as country dirt pig dicks a hole they’ll never get out of. Ask Cunningham what happens when you **** on Fonzie’s girl?
POW!
I admire the moxy that it took to walk into an Alabama Wal-Mart and find the last two employees of the month and make wrestlers out of them. They’ve done well to this point, but let’s all have a giant dose of perspective. Wearing the NFW tag belts around your waist is sorta like ****ing Ellen Degeneres. It means more to one than it does the other. That league was no bigger than a local Tough Man Contest before Craig Miles broke the bank and brought me into the mix. I MADE THE NFW! I’M THE REASON THERE’S A SEASON TWO! Joey Melton drove the ratings through the roof, ushered millions through the front gates, and on the seventh day, I hog-tied Eddy Love’s ass and kicked it back to the fair! Yes, Cal, Joey Melton’s the man who retired The Great Eddy Love and sent him off to ass rape that great Teddy Bear in the sky. And in Momma Carlton’s eyes, that was strike two!
I would’ve won the ULTRATITLE and gladly let Momma drink from the cup, but you two jackals made the call to sell me down the river for South Carolina’s finest. You gave me up for Eddy Love, and what the hell do you have to show for it? Two descendents of Confederate veterans? I’m not into reenactments Calvin, but if Cruise and I ever see their skinny asses in the ring, history will most assuredly repeat itself.
When I needed you for moral support, or to help me flat out cheat to win, you weren’t there. I’ll always be thankful that you and Momma helped me out when I was down. Gave me a bed to sleep on, and a place to perform. AGAIN: Joey Melton was ready to dine on that for life, but you burned the bridge, Carlton, not I. You opened your family’s front door, but hearing you today…well, I’ll be damned if I’m going to apologize for the thousands I stole from the estate. The Family Heirlooms I put up on Ebay to make it through the week. To give me, and Adrian some cash I didn’t have to borrow from Troy.
Marlon Brando, great man that he was, once said, “Conscience that thing will drive you nuts.” And it did Cal, it took me an extra two minutes to get to sleep at night, knowing that I stole from you and Momma right under your noses, but tonight I bury the conscience!
From this day forward the Carlton family is dead to me! As dead as dead can be!
You were callin’ your Momma’s tits “Num Nums” when the worst of Joey Melton rode over this business like a plague! But, you’ve just ****in’ pissed me off enough to step off of the rose pedals I’ve been walking on for the last couple years, and become the man again!
(Melton shakes his head)
How dare you talk this way to the man who told you what “Free Range” meant!
(FTB)
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