Mix-Up in the Seasons
The scene opens on a sunny beach in Japan, as we can tell by a sign with Japanese characters on it. The camera pans around the beach, full of happy Japanese people and tourists, sunbathing, playing with loved ones, swimming and doing all nature of things you do when you go to the beach. The camera stops to pan and zooms in on Classy Mike C, who is sat alone in a deck chair, reading a book, "Snow" by Orhan Pamuk to be precise, while allowing the sun to do its business concerning his skin. Classy is wearing sunglasses and the 52 Wild title is at the side of his deck chair. Classy puts the book down after a few moments, and looks up at the camera before removing his sunglasses.
Classy: Greetings EUWC friends! Y'know something that's struck me over the last week? And know I don't mean that git Marshall Snow, I'll get to him later. What's struck me is the amount of EUWC superstars who've decided to spend time in the USA, or Scotland, or England, rather than come to the beautiful home of Main Frame this week, Japan! Now over the years I've spent a lot of time in Japan, wrestling for a lot of different promoters in a lot of different federations, and along the way I've picked up a lot of friends. Unfortunately for the last year and a bit, my schedule has been filled up by good ol' EUWC, and I've not been to Japan because of it. But alas, the EUWC has made it's way to Japan for a bit of a tour, culminating in Blood Bath, and this allows me to see some old friends, and sample some of that lovely Japanese culture! Roll the footage...
Cut to footage...
Classy is in a dojo, sat next to an old Japanese man.
Classy: This is Toru Yakamoto.
Toru: Hallo
Classy: Now Toru is a bit of a legend, and he taught me how to use martial arts as a means of complimenting my wrestling. Now to show how much I've learnt, we're gonna have a little bit of competition.
Classy and Toru get up and onto the athletic mats. The two men bow before squaring off. After a few moments tussling, Toru throws Classy to the mat, flat on his back. Classy gets up and smiles.
Classy: Best 2 out of 3 Toru?
Toru smiles and nods. Classy turns and grabs some ceremonial salt. Classy turns and faces Toru, the two men nod, and Classy hurls the salt in Toru's face. Toru grabs his face in agony and Classy grabs him before nailing him with a DDT! Classy gets up and picks up the 52 Wild title belt as two of Toru's students run over to check on him.
Classy: Well I guess that this time it was me teaching the lessons. And today’s lesson was this Toru: fighting is no longer about poncing about in pyjamas, it's about taking opportunities. And you just missed out on yours!
The camera now cuts to footage of Classy sat in a sushi restaurant.
Classy: This is "Ms. Tayaka's Fine Japanese cuisine!" This is where I come to sample a real taste of Japan, and if you're lucky, Ms. Tayaka will cook something extra special!
A waiter comes out and drops a plate of grey, sludgy fish. The waiter drops it down on the table and begins to walk off. Classy looks at the plate and then looks up, a disgusted look upon his face.
Classy: Er, excuse me. EXCUSE...ME!
The waiter turns around and looks at Classy, who waves. The waiter raises an eyebrow before returning to the table.
Waiter: Yes?
Classy: Erm, What is this?
Waiter: Huh?
Classy: Oh, WHAT...IS...THIS?
Waiter: Sushi!
Classy: Yes, yes, but, WHAT...SUSHI? WHAT...KIND?
Waiter: It's cheap stuff, and I can speak English you know you English moron!
Classy: Oh, I see. Well can you take it back and bring some of the good stuff, I'm a friend of Ms. Tayaka. You might know me; I'm Classy Mike C, EUWC 52 Wild Champion, legend of the ring…well the wrestling ring, I’m not like that Marshall Snow!
Waiter: I know you, and you ain't so hot boy. Danny Collins or Holocaust could kick your ass any day! And besides, Ms. Tayaka told me to bring you this!
Classy: Oh right why?
Waiter: She says you’re a cheapskate! You come in here 18 months ago, with an already massive tab! You buy lots of Sushi, and Wine, and then say "put it on my tab, I'll pay it off next time I'm in!" Then, you never come back! You know how much your tab is?
Classy: Erm, a few hundred quid?
Waiter: A few hundred?! Your tab is $14,876.74! You spent two years eating us out of business, and then disappeared! So as long as you don't pay, you don't eat, not the good stuff anyway!
Classy: Ah now I remember why I stopped coming here! Look mate, I'm sorry, but I have a busy lifestyle, always on the road y'know. And I was going to pay off my tab, but then EUWC called and asked me to join, and I stopped touring and moved to America, it just slipped my mind. Look, why don't you go back there and get Ms. Tayaka to come out here and I'll get my chequebook and we can clear this up, ok?
Waiter: Well...Ok, you wait right here.
The waiter walks off and Classy watches him go through the doors to the kitchen. When he does, Classy quickly gets up and grabs his 52 Wild title belt before pushing the cameraman towards the door.
Classy: Come on, quickly! Let's get out of here before he brings that crazy b*tch out with him!
Classy gets out and runs down the street, followed by the cameraman. They get about 50 yards before stopping for breath.
Classy: Uh...I never liked that place, very poor service...
Waiter: Oi!
Down the road we see the waiter, a woman who is presumably Ms. Tayaka and another, larger man.
Classy: Sh*t, leggit!
Classy takes off down the street, followed by the waiter and the other man. The camera cuts out and returns, focusing on a double bed with two bodies under the sheets. From the sounds made it becomes apparent that one of them is Classy Mike C.
Classy: Oh, oh yeah! HI-YA! Sayonara Suckers! Ha ha that was marvellous, I think I'm turning Japanese, no honestly I really think so!
The camera cuts out and returns to Classy's shocked face on the beach.
Classy: Erm...so Japan, lovely place! But moving on; one thing that I have always admired Japan for is its hardcore wrestling culture. I mean just look at guys like Abdullah the Butcher and Terry Funk and Mick Foley, all legends who've wrestled over here, and taken hardcore to it's extreme lengths. Kinda like me, as 52 Wild Champion, always looking to go to the extreme and take things that little bit further. I'll try anything, as that lady from the last bit of footage will tell you, but one thing I don't go in for is sneaky attacks, oh and that other thing you're probably thinking of, believe me my toast is buttered on one side only! Not like Marshall Snow, the snivelling, slimy, camp little man who I thought left EUWC for good back in January, but nonetheless returned to attack me from behind at Main Frame and then blow kisses at me! Now I've done my homework on old Marshall, and it seems that he's been jobbing over in EUWC Europe over the last few months, presumably preparing for his big return. Well Marshall, you're close, but I'm afraid you're just gonna fall short! You don't quite have that contract yet do you? And you have to beat me at Main Frame to gain it don't you? Well if I were you, I'd book yourself a ticket back to Belarus, or Azerbaijan, or Andorra, or wherever the hell in Europe you live! That's what I love about the beach you see, it's far too hot for any snow to survive. For me, Main Frame will be a beach, for you, Main Frame will be a b*tch, like it or lump it!
Classy picks up his book and resumes reading it as the camera fades to black.
