((FADEIN: Lightning strikes across a gray sky as water crashes against a cliff as a single robed figure climbs to the top with his fists raised to the sky and begins screaming his unintelligible curses to the storm. The camera pulls back to show the entire scene is something on a large screen television. The channel changes to Jerry Springer, "My Father is Satan and A Lesbian." Jerry is giving his final thoughts and tells everyone to take care, the channel changes again to show Michael Manson dressed in a black leather jacket and jeans on the screen holding a remote control. He throws it at the screen and it goes to stactic as the camera shifts to the actual Manson instead of just the image.))
MANSON: Another promotion, another tournament, another title. Another day, and another Manson. Well, here they don't want supernatural abilities, but I suppose thats the budget. I'll adapt because I always do. Every promotion needs this sort however, a bastard devilspawn, a general plague on humanity itself. It goes back to mythology, with Loki betraying his entire pantheon, it goes back to Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night's Dream, with Puck, Robin Goodfellowe himself. And it survives to the modern day, to this industry, to wrestling. To me.
And maybe occasionally Mike Tyson.
But, no, I'm not the devil. Never claimed to be, everyone just said I was, though ironically thats how that guy in the Bible was branded the Son of God, but I'm not him either. No, I'm a simple sort really, but I am here to save you, to imrpove you, to allow you the chance to transcend what you already are.
I am here to save you from banality.
You need me, the GLCW needs me just as much as the Catholic Church needs Satan. You need someone to hate, someone to see a reflection of wehat you won't be, someone who will things you would not contemplate so that in the end, you actually will.
When I blatantly screw you over, when I try to outright torture you, when I go after your family, its really a public service. I'm doing this all, for you, for all of you. So that you will go to the extremes of trying to stop me, trying to do to me what I do to you, even though you should all be bowing at my feet, weeping, and thanking me for making you what you are. Because it never comes down to just winning a wrestling contest, not in this industry. You have to do more, you have to be more. And I am the gateway to this.
You think you all really want to be champion now? Imagine how much more you will when I win it after degrading and dismembering everyone in my path and knowing, just knowing that matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can never harm me as much as I harm you because your imaginations simply lack substance. But you'll just trying, the human race is like that, no matter how nihilistic things get, there's always that ember of hope. And I am the one who sparks it with hate, loathing, disgust, whatever's around.
Because in the end, they very end, you will all be better because of me, not like me, no, because not even I am that good. But I can try, I am still part of the human race.
"An angel caught in old age by mortals scatters like leaves."
((CUTTO: the vastness of the universe. Your TV screen is a tiny insignificant spec, surging through big empty nothing, with little iddy bitz of light bouncing off stars and planets a gahzillion light years away. and Suddenly, BOOM, you realize it's all just a blue screen effect. A dreaded haired stranger in a multicolored mask and Randy Savage style streamer jacket leaps in front of outer space, jams his fists on his hips and grins triumphantly....))
MR. I: Greetings, inhabitants of this very special and lovely plane of reality. My given name is considered
difficult to pronounce even in my home dimension. Hence forth, I shall take up the designation my environment
provides me. I shall be known as what it is shouted whenever I am asked whereabouts I come from....You can all call
me...IMPOISSIBLE...For I hail from an Alternate Reality! Where the human race has evolved to such a level, no one even
remembers civilization as you know it on this world. All we do is Dance and drink orange juice all day long...You can
Imagine my surprise when I came here and was told I would have to work to eat and not freeze to death.....
Things didn't work so very badly for me though. The generous staff at GLCW offered me
a per match salary and to pay for my room at a Ramada Inn, only in exchange for my services as one of your "Professional
wrestlers." My athletic prowess, while considered mediocre at best
at home, is beyond equal to that of the best professional athletes on this world. Athletes such as...Michael Manson. My esteemed
first round opponent. They tell me this Michael Manson is quite a recognizable fixture of the so called wrasslin'
business. He seems to fashion himself something of an...Uber Villain. Well now Mr. Manson, Evil is one of those ah...Matters of
"Relativity," I believe is your 3erd dimension word for it? That is to say in several intergalactic cultures, the things
you do that make you so very evil and bad on this world would make you a hero admired by all. Your fan club's hierarchy
would construct a strict code of ethics that all the less powerful fans would feel obliged to live by “even if members
of the hierarchy ignored them completely,” and persecute members of other fan clubs. Disillusionment with your fan club would produce
a counter culture full of self made outcasts, including professional wrestlers with names like Jesus Christ, who would get lots
of attention for denouncing you. You see?! Do you see now, the error of your ways? You do not alleviate
banality by torturing people, forcing audiences to kill puppies and have sex, while you have sex with sheep
and sacrifice 10 year olds to Satan. You Perpetuate it, by wearing EVIL UNDERPANTS....
We do have something in common. I am not part of the human race either. Not this one anyway. My kung fu is unheard of
to one such as you, Manson. Battling me shall render you confused, Winded, and awe struck. I am not intimidated by your
legacy, or your voodoo...Be prepared to look like a foolish little monkey. For They also tell me For one such as I, to defeat a legend in my first match would
be outright...impossible. (laughs heartedly...then strikes a serious ass ninja pose, as we FTB)
((FADEIN: Michael Manson sits indian-style in a zen-Buddhist like posture in black jeans and a plain black long sleeved shirt despite the 90 degree weather.))
MANSON: Maybe someone might find your comedic stylings amusing if they did not know who you are, but I know who you are, or rather who you are trying to be. I am quite well read in forms of literature so don't think I don't recognize your name or ranting.
However, why you would want to name yourself after a 3rd rate comedic jackass from the Marvel Universe is really your own problem, while might want to entertain fantasies about being from other realms, I live in reality, the real world in all its grit and splendid hypocritical glory.
Yes, I'm evil, I suppose. I'm evil, my pants are evil, my shirt is evil, my underpants are also quite evil.My car is evil, but not as evil as my house, but evil is as evil does. You're the one who called me evil, remember that. Actions define themselves and only the survivors write history and when I survive I'll be sure to praise myself as the savior of the new century. While you will be seen as what you are, an inferior who should have been aborted rather than born.
Imagine the pain and agony your mother would have spared you if she had taken your fetus and left it in a dumpster rather than you trying to piss me off in an effort to be funny, but then what I would have to do? Its all right, I'm more than trained in such medical procedures as you can imagine. The ring is clean, most of the time, and sterile and it can be a fine operarting table, and I can be a surgeon.
A careless surgeon who will likely leave his watch somewhere within your lung cavity,but nobody's perfect.Because there is trial, there is error. And yes, I see the error in my ways.
Indeed, I should have found you before you were released from the mental home where you were tied down and and force fed spam while you defacted on yourself and placed a pillow over your head and cause more damage to your mind so you could have joined the Catholic priesthood instead of existing to annoy me.
As for being a member of the human race, as I said before, thats debatable at best. After all, I did almost become a lawyer before falling into this. And most people will tell you that while I live in Chicago, that I am actually from hell, but isn't this all really hell anyway?
Well, you're not in any real position to judge, so I'll have to make strides to help toward that goal. And they'll still call me evil in the end, hypocrites, everyone of them.
((CUTTO: Mr. Impossible sits in a pit of little plastic balls behind a McDonalds, in full lucha garb...))
MR. I: I should start off my thanking you, Michael Manson. You have inadvertently introduced me to one of your world's most magical
and joyous cultural phenomenons...You see, when you confused me with an entity residing in a so called marvel universe, I realized your knowledge of astrology is too limited for you to be speaking of the REAL Marvel
universe on the reverse side of the Citrus way galaxy and it's suburbs...So I went on a quest to uncover whatever
it could have been that you were talking about...Fortunately, I was exploring one of your civilization’s malls at the time,
and happened on a poster promoting a film which would only be showing for another week. T'was entitled "Spiderman."
The dialogue was a little cheesy, but all in all it was what you people call a...."Groovy
flick." Afterwards I immediately rented and viewed another so called Marvel universe film entitled "X-Men,"
which I enjoyed even more. Then I traveled into the future and saw "Daredevil," "Hulk," "Howard the Duck 2" and "Johnny
the Homicidal Maniac"...Johnny, I know now, was put out by a different company. It was still worth watching to see Ben Afflek play the lead even better than he did in DD...Anyway, it was in said future I happened upon a lad who explained to me
that the Marvel Universe is not a series of films, but comic books films have been often times in recent years based
on. So, I sought out and read the original Marvel Universe. I was captivated by the mystery surrounding Wolverine's
amnesia...Amused by the Thing's childish behavior and good heart...Rather upset by John Blaze's failure to rid himself
of the Ghost Rider's curse....I wept bitterly at the death of Gwen Stacy, Elektra, and
Jean Grey....Then two of them came back, and I was happy again. And then there was that one issue of
Daredevil, where Karen Page and Foggy Nelson figure out Matt Murdock's Daredevil, so he pretends to be his own twin
brother Mike and they believe him! (laughs outright hysterically) What a bunch of tools. Yes, I'd say the marvel
Universe provided me the most enjoyment I've had since arriving on your world. And I have you, Michael Manson to
thank for my coming to know of it...
Although I must also scold you, for your clumsy judgment. The Impossible Man is a little green alien
who can turn into anything. I am an ordinary man, who only appears extraordinary, because this string of humanity
has yet yet to obtain my string's level of seXcelence....There's very little similarity. Although I have
noticed TWO figures to which you bare a strong likeness too. ((CUTTO: Picture of a hairy fellow with a swastika carved into
his forehead performing with the Beach Boys...)) Charles Manson, and ((CUTTO: A skinny chap with long black hair
appearing on a really old edition of MTV's "the grind")) Marilyn Manson..(CUTTO: Impossible) Do I pass judgment on you for not being new? Of course not. There are a few totally original ideas left here, Manson. But not very many.
Where I come from, everything you can conceive of has already been done a hundred times over. We know this for a
fact. One of our scientists made a really big chart, that proved that no...no there aren't any original ideas left.
It's all been done before. There are many others like me, and many others like you. So perhaps I shall not take your
assessment of my originality to heart...
You can parle all day about stealing my organs and replacing them with stuff. But You wont scare me! Your threats know no
bounds of hollowness...In addition to reading comic books, I've been watching many wrestling programs to get
a better idea what is expected of me in my new profession, so I know threats such as these are made all the time, but are almost NEVER followed through on.
Odds are, the worst thing you will even try to do to me is beat me up and pin me. That will not be easy, my naughty
adversary. Not with my mastery of numerous eclectic fighting styles. My amazing speed and agility. My incredible
strength. My uncanny intellect. Your obliteration will come swiftly and easily. My triumph can not be averted. I can
only imagine the disappointment you shall feel in your black heart, when you discover defeating me was never a difficult
task. It was outright...Impossible. (has a good hearty laugh) (FTB)
((FADEIN: Michael Manson sits indian-style in a small area designed like a buddhist temple with a dying bonsai plant in the corner and a rough mat with siding doors and panels.))
MANSON: I should thank you for proving what an ignorant jackass you are. My name is Michael Manson because when I was born my parents named me Michael and my family name is Manson, which is an actual name unlike what you try to pass yourself off as.
Its nice that you try to inhale opium and chase the dragon before every promo you do an an attempt to be funny, it really is, but all it really does is irritate me. And actually my threats are quite valid, because I actually have stolen organs from people, poisoned them, and even crucified them, which is somewhat of a hobby of mine.
Of course if you don't know what crucifixion is, I can give you a short history but I assure you, I am quite far from being a cliched steroid ridden second rate actor who likes to fall off things. You enjoy watching cinema?
You realize how easy it is for someone to take a chair and crack your the area orbiting your eye and rendering you sightless for a time? How easy it is for you to fall from the apron and break your neck off the cold floor? How about just straggling you with the ring ropes? Hell, there's even been instances of hitting someone so far, their eye falls off. And I'd like a souvenir.
All of this can of course befall you, because for your opium induced ranting, you're still just a man, even though I thought this promotion didn't smile upon such ridiculous bravado. But its not like I haven't encountered any like you before, and I did away with them like the Romans did to the Christians.
You're not much more than a comedian trying to be something he's not, my advice would be for you to give up now, but since I'd rather force you into that, I hope you ignore me and continue your senseless ranting because thats all you're going to have eventually.
((FADEIN: Mr. Impossible has climbed atop the plastic bubble tunnels on the other side of the McDonalds playground...
with the streamers on his jacket levitating behind him in the wind, his arms across his chest, and a scowl on his
face, the man seems quite the indignated inter dimensional tourist....))
MR. I: I wonder about you Mr. Manson. Weather you consider the wrestling fans out in the television dimension
simpletons? If EYE know enough about pop culture to understand the significance of the name Manson, and how
you of all people bearing it by chance would be a pretty outrageous coincidence, surely audience dwellers
are aware of this state of circumstance. All this leads me to wonder if perhaps it is YOU who are the simpleton,
I who am learned, and the spectators who are...um...well, it varies, but mostly bright enough to get by.
I realize how easily you could punch me too hard and make my brain fall out. I do realize how easily
it is to slip and crack your head open in the shower...But I am not overly concerned. Because that's not
very easily. Even for an ordinary man, the chances for these things would have a slightly difficult time of
coming into existence. Like I keep trying to explain to unbelievers like yourself, my abilities surpass the level of
average. Therefor the chances of you killing me are very very miniscule. If you do the math out, which is far
easier for me as the calulitory abilities of my brain are more advanced then those of your calculators, the
chances are 438 to 1...Those chances aren't lookin' too good thar, Mr. Manson. Pretty lame, actually. Pretty
I can't imagine Crucifixion is such an unpleasant experience. People here in religious cults crucify
themselves all the time. And they LOVE it. You call me a comedian trying to be something
I'm not, but I've been watching you on IWF TV eating Pez and claiming to be GOD. Did your logic train hit a
pedestrian, Mr. Manson? Is the conductor's confidence shaken by the trauma? Is he driving the train especially
slow today? Or has the unmentionable terror your brain is flooded with at the inevitability of facing me
rendered you somewhat bewildered? At first wave, I will taste the deliciosity of advancement to the second
round of combat...And you will hang your head and mumble, "confound you...Impossible..." (FTB)
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