(FADEIN to the Buckman Projects on the southside of Portland. Boogie Smallz is sitting on a milk crate in an alley. Smallz is sporting a Trailblazers jersey and a red headband. The orange-tint of the streetlight illuminates over everything. Boogie sparks a blunt and looks into the camera.)
BOOGIE SMALLZ: Ya know, sum fools jus’ ain’t ever gonna learn. Mofos like Jean Rabesque get so caught up in themselves…they start to believe tha ish that comes out of theirr moufs. (Shakes his head.) I tried to warn ya, I laid it all out, and you still were too damn ignorant to realize what ya were up against. (Puffs his blunt.)
True ‘nuff, it wasn’t a convincin’ victory, but in tha end…who tha kcuf had theirr hand raised? Who advanced in tha tournament and who is now watchin’ tha tournament from home? (Grins.) That’s all that really matters in tha end. As long as my black ass has a heartbeat…I will stop at nuffin’ to become tha UNIFIED World champion, ya heard.
(Boogie resituates himself and takes a few drags off of his Swisher.)
Erryone knows I’m addicted to herb, but I got anotha’ addiction far worse than that…tha addiction for gold. And nah…I ain’t out herre tryin’ to floss like Mista T, rockin’ about 30 gold chains with big ass medallions. (Shakes his head.) Eff ‘dat ish. Tha gold I talk about is tha World title. I tasted it befo’…and I got hooked from that first high. (His eyes bug out, his head and shoulders start to shake.) Dawg…I jus’ can’t let it go. (Closes his eyes and tries to shake it off.) I feel like Pookie in New Jack City, (Imitating a cracked out Chris Rock.)”…it just keeps callin’ me, man. It keeps callin’ me.”
Now I ain’t like Troy Windham. I don’t get to hit tha methadone clinic up erry Wednesday, but I got my ish in check. Tha only thang keepin’ me from goin’ off tha edge, is bein’ in this tournament. ‘Cuz I know its prolly tha only chance this company is gonna give me to become tha UNIFIED World champ! So I’m gonna take this opportunity and do errythang in my power to make sure I’m tha one that’s got it in tha end!
(Boogie stands up and puffs his blunt.)
Vince Jacobs, I don’t really know what to say. I sent you an invitation to witness first-hand who you would be facin’ in Portland, but ya were a no show. I’m not sure if you just got scared…or maybe I should feel insulted ‘cuz you didn’t think s(BLEEP) of my lil’ invite! (Puffs his blunt.) Breath easy, dawg. I’m jus’ gonna chalk that one up, act like it didn’t happen, and for once in my life…give sumone tha benefit of tha doubt. I’m sure a guy like you, a big tymer and all ‘dat, ain’t got time for my nickel ‘n dime ass. You prolly ain’t even gonna study any footage, is ya? Why? You are a big star. You’re a Superstar. I mean, damn…should I even show up for this ish?
(Looks concerned and puffs his blunt. He then shakes his head and grins.)
But then again, when tha f(BLEEP) did I ever turn over a new leaf? Tha only time I turn over a leaf, it right before I crumble it up and smoke it! (Puffs his blunt.)
So Vinnie Jack, you keep on thinkin’ you’re special, you keep on feedin’ your ego, and you continue to think I’m a pushover. (Nods his head.) That’s what I want you to do, ‘cuz when I win this ma’fuggin’ match …I want it to hurt. Not physically, ‘cuz that’s a given! (Looks wild-eyed into the camera.) I’m talkin’ about herre. (Points to his head.) And it’s gonna sting, son. Prolly send yo’ punk ass runnin back to fWo…wishin’ you never stepped foot in tha CSWA!
Takin’ nuffin’ away from ya’. I know ya got skillz, you wouldn’t be herre if ya didn’t. Then again, tha CSWA signed Shamon to a contract…so ANYTHANG is possible. But on tha real, I know you ain’t no chump. But at tha same time…you need to realize I ain’t one neither!
(Begins stroking his goatee, as if he trying to figure something out. He takes a hit off of his blunt.)
Wait a minute. Vince Jacobs…I knew ya sounded familiar. Didn’t ya once compete in GXW? (Nodding his head.) Yeah…ya sure did. I remember now. So then you already know what I’m all about. Ya know how I gets down and ya best believe I still operate tha same way, kid.
I’m tha blunt smokin’, hoe chokin’, leave their panties soakin’, not to be confused as tha token…black man. I’m gunnin’ at anybody that stands in my way and I will stomp their ass down worse than what they did to that brotha’ in the Curb Scene of American History X! (Looks extremely upset.) Just thinkin’ about that scene has got me all pissed off! Jacobs, all this ish I’m feelin’ right now…I’m gonna take out on you in Portland!
The camera panned in to see ‘Superstar’ Vince Jacobs sitting at a fine dining establishment on Rodeo Drive. Jacobs was having a little drink while he was waiting for his lunch. Vince was talking to his personal lawyer, Richard L. Parker while sipping on a little rum and coke. Jacobs had invited the CSWA cameras to have lunch with him so he could shoot a promo regarding his next match in the Unified Tournament.
“It finally looks like I have an opponent for the next round of this little tournament. I had to wait longer than planned because these two men couldn’t get the job done the first time around. Now my next opponent has been named and it’s former GXW Heavyweight Champion, Boogie Smallz.”
Jacobs took a sip of his drink before speaking again.
“Now Mr. Smallz I know you sent me an invite to come down and witness your match but I am sorry I had to decline because I had other obligations that needed my attention. When you are a Superstar like me you are wanted everywhere but can’t be everywhere you want to be. So I apologize if you were looking for me. I know you were in awe to see a real wrestling phenomenon like myself up close but your time will come in Portland.”
Jacobs motioned for the waiter to come over to the table.
“Can we get a refill on our drinks please?” Jacobs said to the waiter as the cameras continued rolling
“It’s funny how people think someone is scared of them if they don’t acknowledge them in some form or matter. It seems to me that these same people did not get the love they needed as a child. Is that you Boogie? Did you get the love from your mom as a child? I am pretty sure your dad wasn’t there to help right. That’s how the ol’ story goes right my friend. You grew up on the mean streets and you had to sell drugs to make ends meet but you finally found yourself a way out and it was wrestling. Am I getting warmer Boogie?”
“Nothing that you can say or do will surprise me Smallz because guess what. I see your kind everyday when I make my way to South Central. Before you say anything I have a nice professional wrestling training facility there that Craig Miles and myself opened up to help inner city youth. So before you go on your tirade about me being stuck up and rich, just remember I do give back in some form or another.”
Jacobs paused for a second as his lawyer was looking at some paper work.
“Boogie I know that you are a pretty decent wrestler but you are no Superstar. You can’t do the things in that ring that I do. I am Wrestling God and contrary to what others in this company like Hornet, Windham, or Ryan may say, I am the one that is a lock for that Unified Championship. Now Boogie I see you like yourself a little herbal refreshments at time. Well I hope for your sake sir that you are clean and sober for our match because I don’t want to take on some blunt smoking fool that can’t see straight in the ring.”
“But do you really think that matters to me. I would like to beat you at your best but if you are high then it will be that much easier for me to move on in my quest to fortify my legendary status in this wrestling business.”
The waiter finally brings Vince and Richard their lunches as Jacobs continues with his promo.
“I hate it when people think they know SVJ. Think they know how I tick or what I’m thinking. I never once said you were a pushover Boogie but you came to that deduction because I didn’t show up for your little invitation to the ring. Now was this a high deduction or where you straight. How could I think the former GXW Heavyweight Champion was a pushover?” Vince said with a sarcastic tone
“Ok this has been the second straight time I have to hear this crap about how someone is going to beat me in the middle of the ring and it will hurt me more mentally then physically. So Boogie did you watch Logic’s promos? Because he said the same thing to me and look where he is. Out of the tournament waiting for his next venture in the CSWA. That’s exactly how you will be, sitting somewhere watching ‘Superstar’ Vince Jacobs advance again in the tournament to claim the prize that wrestlers all over the world would just love to touch just once.”
Jacobs placed a finger to the side of his face. “Yes Boogie I am the same Vince Jacobs that competed in the GXW for a short time with my friend and tag team partner DreamMaker. I did like GXW but if my other obligations hadn’t taken precedence then I would have still been there before its untimely closure. But I had to move on to bigger and better things as did you.”
“So come the 16th in Portland you better be ready to come in close contact with a bona fide superstar the likes of which you never seen before. So you get pissed off, high, gun-toting all you want and I will put your ass down to the mat. And you will see the true meaning of why they say when you step in the ring with Vince Jacobs you get STAR STRUCK!! Let me put it in more of Ebonic terms for you Boogie.”
“Yo punk ass is goin’ down. Believe dat playa.”
Jacobs turned, as a sly smirk came across is face before the camera faded out.
(FADEIN to Boogie Smallz sitting in a steel chair. As the camera pans back to reveal an empty Rose Garden Arena, the site of SHOWTIME in Portland. Boogie is seated in the middle of the ring, his head staring down at the mat, and a lit blunt hanging out of his mouth. An occasional cloud of smoke appears around him. He begins to speak, still looks at the mat.)
BOOGIE SMALLZ: Jacobs, you don’t know ish about me. You sit therre in your lil’ fruity-ass restaurant, guzzlin’ down drinks with your lawyer, and I guess you had a few too many…because for some reason ya seem to think ya know a lil’ sumthin’ about me.
(Smallz raises his head and acknowledges the camera.)
Tha bartender shoulda’ cut you off before you dropped that promo. Comin’ out on TV slurrin’ your words and ish! Because I think sumwherre in your drunken stupor…I coulda’ sworn I heard you say you were a lock to win the Unified championship. (Scratches his temple.) Lets see. In order for ya to do that…that means you gotta beat me in Portland. (Shakes his head.)
Translation…you’re already lookin’ past me.
And that’s perfect…its gravy, dawg. That’s what I expected and contrary to all that ish you was spittin’ in your promo…I know you don’t think much of me. No one does, but its mofos like that…ya gotta watch out for. I like bein’ under tha radar, I don’t want nobody to see me comin’. So keep talkin’ out tha side of yo’ mouf and when we step in tha ring in Portland…I’ll straighten that ish out for ya!
I don’t appreciate tha you comin’ out herre and tryin’ to make me out to be a fool, you sarcastic piece of ish! (Puffs his blunt.) And don’t worry about my habit, dawg. I don’t try and give you ish for bein’ an alcoholic, so step off punk! As you can tell from my track record…herb don’t impair me, son. I’ve been puffin’ tha ganga my entire career. While it might make some folks twizted…this ish just makes me focus. But you wouldn’t understand that, no one does…but that’s exactly what happens. (Puffs his blunt.) I don’t see what tha issue is, but erryone I face always wants to make it one. Guess they can’t think of much else to say.
(Boogie leans back in his seat and reflects on Jacobs’ comments. A scowl covers his face as he looks up at the camera.)
You see “my kind” erryday? What tha kcuf does that mean? “My kind”? Didn’t you see tha Mad Real World on Chappelle’s Show? Don’t make me gather tha handful of brothas CSWA employs and straight shank yo beeyatch ass! I don’t stand for ish like that and I won’t tolerate it! So ya go to the inner-city, ya donate a couple of basketballs, order pizzas for the local Boys Club, and pose for some photos. As soon as tha cameras leave, you kick tha snot-nosed kid off your lap, you take a box of pizza for tha road, and when tha kids ask for autographs…ya say ya got tendonitis or some bull. (Shakes his head.) I seen it way too often growing up.
But since you know so much about me, then I guess ya know how it was, don’t ya? (Rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders.)
Speakin’ of childhood…since ya brought it up! It wasn’t all peaches and cream, like I’m sure your punk pampered ass was! Pops wasn’t takin’ me to Cub Scout meetings or nothin’ like that. He wasn’t tossin’ around the old pigskin, like your prolly did. I was taught Streetz 101, kid. I used to sit in tha car when my dad was out hustlin’. I seen it all from tha front seat. Just like ‘Pac said, “starin at tha world through my rearview.” And mom? Well therre ain’t no happy story therre. I came home from school one day and found my mom dead. (Takes a deep breath.) Needle hangin’ out of her arm, ODed on that dust. (Shakes his head.) I moved out of town before my pops was gunned down in front of our buildin’.
(Boogie sits up and takes a long drag off of his blunt. He slowly releases the smoke before speaking again.)
Yeah I got out…damn right. Tha rate things were goin’, I was gonna end up dead or in prison if I didn’t. So joke all ya want about my family, my life, whatever makes you happy….really…do it. (Nods his head.) ‘Cuz each and erry word you say…is gonna come back to haunt ya. (Means mugs the camera.) Because since you know me so well, then I guess ya know what tha hell I’m gonna do if ya keep it up! I got too much pride to let that ish slide.
I ain’t like them other fools you’ll meet herre. I’M A MAN!
I don’t cower from nobody, I don’t beat around tha bush, I just lay it all out therre and if ya don’t like it…it’s not really my problem. I’m up front about my business. I don’t hide to protect my image. This is who I am.
Gun-totin’? Where is you getting’ your information, kid? I don’t be packin’ no piece, I don’t need it…I don’t roll like that. So stop feedin’ this ish to tha public and tryin’ to get a brotha hemmed up…as if I don’t get pulled over enough! (Shakes his head.)
(Boogie stands up and takes a hit off of his Swisher.)
And your lil’ Ebonics…that was cute, dawg. Really.
So since you spoke in my vocabulary…let me put that into terms your triscuit ass can understand!
(Pats down his back pockets and then his front pockets.)
Damn…where tha hell did I put that B!TCHTIONARY!?
(Shakes his head.)
That was tha only way I was gonna be able to return tha favor. Hey, maybe before our match I’ll find it…so I can get tha Ebonics to Beeyatch translation!
The camera shot pans in on a huge gated mansion high in the famed Hollywood Hills. The gate had huge gold letters on it that read ’SVJ’. So now it was obvious that the house that the millions of fans were gazing upon was none other than the house of ‘Pro Wrestling’s Phenomenon’ himself, ‘Superstar’ Vince Jacobs. The camera finally cuts to the inside of the house where Vince Jacobs was sitting in his study watching what looked to be some footage of Boogie Smallz in action against Jean Rabesque.
He also had a DVD on the table next to him that read “Battleground Britain” in which one match on the DVD interested him… John Miller vs. Boogie Smallz – GXW Unified Heavyweight Championship Match – Hell in a Cell. Who’s to say that Vince Jacobs doesn’t do his homework on his opponents? He wouldn’t be where he is today if he didn’t. You know come to think of it I believe that Boogie alluded to this. Jacobs quickly pressed pause on the tape as he caught the cameras coming into the study.
“Hello all of my CSWA fans and welcome to my humble home.” Jacobs spoke as the camera came around in front of him and focused on the Superstar as he sat on the plush sofa in his study.
“I was taking on some video watching before you guys entered. I have to study up on my opponent in a few days, Boogie Smallz. I have to bone up on all the intricacies that are involved in watching a man of Boogie’s stature, since it has been brought to my attention that I don’t study my opponents and I like past them.” Vince said with a smirk into the camera.
“Now it seems that I got Boogie all riled up and he’s looking to beat my ass as he so eloquently put it.” Vince made a mocking shaking gesture into the camera.
“He seems to think I don’t know anything about him as he claims. Well if that story you told in your last promo was proof that I read you like a f*cking book then I don’t know what else to say. Boogie, my friend I know more than you think I know. See I’m not out here getting high or as you put it getting drunk with my lawyer. I may have a drink every now and again but does that make me an alcoholic. I know what to do and what not to do when it comes to go time in that ring. And that means gearing up to beat anyone down who tries to lay claim to my legacy.” Jacobs continued as he looked away from the camera for a second.
“You know something Boogie I must admit I wasn’t looking past you at first seeing all the accomplishments that you have made in your career, but once I saw you b!tch-ass as you would put it, promo I knew that you weren’t ready to face greatness. You my friend are beneath me.”
“Yes I said it. Boogie you are beneath me. You can’t hold a candle to what I can do in that ring every night. You haven’t wrestled the legends in this business that I have come across. You my friend are a stereotype in the wrestling world. Just look at your story. You sat in the front seat and watched your father sell drugs. You watched your mom OD off of drugs, so you got out of the situation before seeing your father gunned down. If that isn’t a stereotype of every black movie out there to date.”
“This is by no means meant to be a racial comment but Boogie my friend you are not breaking out of that shell. I make my rounds to the inner city of South Central to break young men and woman out of that shell, so they don’t have to grow up and be lumped as a stereotype. So these kids can believe in something other than smokin’ blunts.”
Jacobs rolls his eyes.
“Matter of fact what kind of role model does that make you toward the same young men and woman that look up to a Boogie Smallz who made something of himself coming from the streets. Boogie I can sit here all day and explain to you how you are socially and morally ruining your race by the antics they see from you every week on CSWA television. These are kids that look up to you but you definitely bring them down more and more by your actions and behavior on a national level.”
“Like I told Logic, I believe that you have something in you kid that will take you to new and exciting heights in this business but is that going to happen against me… NO!! And I will explain why. The straight thuggish mentality doesn’t work on someone with more than a high school education. I never deny who I am to anyone and I never have to justify my actions to anyone either. I am ‘Superstar’ Vince Jacobs and yes I have an ego. I know this and guess what; I also know that I can back up anything I say.”
“If I set my sights on something then I will do whatever I can in my power to achieve it. Ask Alias who is in the other half of this bracket what I will do. I have kidnapped a man’s daughter and sacrificed my own to gain a World Title belt. So when something means so much to me then nothing stands in my way. That means that I am focused on winning the Unified World Title. And if that means that you have to smoke twenty blunts to get yourself focused to face me then sobeit, because I damn sure want you at your best.”
Vince props his feet up on the table in front of him as he sighs.
“You know what I do watch the Chappelle Show and yes I am familiar with the skit, the Mad Real World. So you plan to get the homies and come shank my ass right. See that’s what I am trying to get into your thick skull. THAT’S NOT ROLE MODEL MATERIAL. And before you go on a tangent of how you’re not a role model, I will say yes you are. You are a role model in every thing you do that is caught in the public’s eye because you are a celeb. But to stand there and belittle me by saying that I only give back when the camera is on is preposterous.”
“Evidently you really don’t pay attention to big words that are spoken. If I recall I did mention the fact that Craig Miles and I opened up a Professional Heel Academy Wrestling Center in South Central.” Jacobs strokes his goatee. “I could have sworn I said that earlier. Well anyway, my ass wasn’t always pampered my friend. Tell me how many rich kids growing up had a f*ckin' job.” Jacobs said while raising his hand.
“That’s right Boogie, my dad believed in earning your keep. He believe that if you wanted something in life then you better strive to EARN it. And that’s what I learned as a kid. I wasn’t out at pool parties with my friends, I had a goal and I wanted to achieve it. That goal was to become the best wrestler in the business. Sure my folks died in a horrible plane crash before they could see me in my first professional match. They died before they could see that the boy they raised had turned into the man they hoped for. The man that EARNED everything he got.”
“But you know what playa [Vince smirked] I am everything that I say I am and I don’t hold any punches. You tell me you are a MAN, well son we will find out in Portland how much of a man you are when you are flat on your back looking at those lights, listening to that ever familiar beat of the mat three times. Specifying the end of Boogie Smallz hopes and dreams of becoming a Unified World Champion in the CSWA.”
“So bring your little b!tchtionary to the ring before our match in Portland and watch as SVJ shows you whom the real b!tch is and make you eat all the words in that book, playa.”
Jacobs clicks the button to the DVD player and continues to study. The war of the words will commence soon and the battle to move on in the CSWA Tournament will begin.
(FADEIN to Boogie Smallz sitting in his hotel room, just finishing up watching the latest Vince Jacobs promo.)
(Speaking in a nasally sounding voice, imitating Vince Jacobs.) “You are a role model and before you say you’re not…”
(In his normal, deep, gravely voice.) Blah blah blah blah blah. You know Jacobs, you talk about me bein’ a stereotype, but you are a stereotype of erry damn opponent I face. They can’t look past ish, they always gotta tackle irrelevant issues…because they can’t find anything else to say!
So let me clear this ish up, because your ignorant mafuggin’ ass is blinded by your ego and just can’t see ish any other way.
I didn’t make society this way, it was your ancestors that made things tha way they are. My parents lived in tha gutter, I had no choice but to be in the environment I was raised in. I couldn’t switch parents, I was stuck with what I got. But no matter how hard times were, we always got by…we always seemed to make it. It’s a struggle that pampered-ass white folks don’t ever see first-hand, but yet they talk about it…as if they have lived it. (Smirks.) I’d love to see you raised were I was raised and see how you turn out in the end.
(Lights up a Swisher and sits down in a chair.)
So you had a job. Good for you. Is that supposed to impress me? You worked and earned a livin’. Wow…what a noble concept. That’s how tha real world operates, glad to know you’ve got some small piece of integrity. But then again, tha job you had was prolly at your dad’s office. He just let you work there so you would feel like you were contributing, but in reality he let you handle ish that really didn’t matter. He conned you, Vince…just like you are tryin’ to con these people into thinkin’ you are sumthin’ you’re not!
(Takes a drag off of his blunt.)
As far as bein’ a role model. I never claimed that responsibility. You want to give me grief about puffin’ herb, go for it. But if anything, people relate to me MORE because of that. They don’t want a guy that comes out herre and all he talks about is how wonderful he is. (Shakes his head.) Who wants to hearr that? I guess you are prolly tha only one, Vin Man.
Ya know what public service I provide for my race? I inspire! They see a brotha on TV that came up tha same way they did, that had tha same obstacles as they did, and that overcame all tha bullsh(BLEEP) to get to where he is today. I give my people hope. I give them a reason to turn their life around and do sumthin’ positive with it. That’s what I do and I know tha same can’t be said for you.
So you open up a business in tha hood with Craig Miles? So what? Am I supposed to shake your hand or kiss your crusty ass because of it? Hell no. What do you want? A lifetime achievement award? Don’t nobody herre care except Craig Miles…and you won’t be winnin’ over any friends tossin’ his name around in your promos.
(Puffs his blunt.)
Whoa…did I see you actually studyin’ match footage of mine? But why, Vince? You already said I was nothing…I am “beneath you.” (Wipes away a nonexistent tear and speaks sarcastically.) That’s hurts, Jacobs…but nonetheless, I’m a man…I’ll carry on…somehow. (Shakes his head.) But ya know what bothers me tha most? You either suffer from a multiple personality disorder or you are tha dumbest sonuvabeeyatch I know! Maybe it’s both, because you come out herre and say one thing…then do another.
I’ll be on my back, lookin’ up, and countin’ lights? Yeah…maybe in your bedroom…when I’m bonin’ your wife! But if you are referring to our match in Portland, then you are mistaken.
Tha only time I’m on my back is bench-pressin’ or bonin’ beeyatchez…tha ONLY TIME!
Oh…and I did find my B!tchtionary…just in time for our match. There is even an entry on you.
(Picks up a thick book off of a nearby table with a bookmark hanging out. Smallz flips through the pages and ends up where the bookmark was placed. Boogie lays the book on the table and walks away. The camera zooms in on the entry.)
Vince Jacobs (ven (t) s jAy’Kubs) – Jerkoffous Idiotous – 1. A poor excuse for a wrestler. 2. A sorry sack of crap that isn’t worthy of competing for tha CSWA UNIFIED World title. 3. Product of overexposure to breast-feeding. ALSO SEE Shamon OR Powermaster
The camera fades in to see Vince Jacobs working out in his personal gym at his home in the famed Hollywood Hills. Vince’s trainer is pushing him to do five more sit-ups.
“Come on Vince you can do five more for me?”
Vince yelled out each rep as he continued the sit-ups.
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE
“That’s good Vinny, take a break the cameras are here.”
Vince sat up and took a towel from off the rack and wiped off his brow and his washboard stomach. He grabbed himself a bottled water and sat down on a weight bench. The Superstar took a swig of the water before speaking.
“It’s funny how you say I’m this and I’m that but you are basically denying the truth that I have laid out for everyone to see. And as far as your other opponents I have no idea who you have faced in your short career besides John Miller and Jean Rabesque. So that shows me you haven’t faced anyone that’s worthy of my effort or time. To me that means you been slumped in the mid card for most of your career. I know you were the GXW Heavyweight Champion but that was because of affirmative action my friend.”
“And what I am saying is let’s try to not blame society for things YOU can control. Yes we are all victims of something in this world. You my friend are a victim circumstance and I am a victim of no-talent hacks like you.”
“Do you like to tell your sob story to everyone you come across? Do you think I couldn’t handle myself if I was not brought up the way I was. It takes a strong person.. a person that has the will to survive to pull themselves up from that situation. You wonder if I could handle that. [Vince sighs] Of course I can because of I am strong willed person that will not let anything deter him from achieving what he wants.”
“Do you understand where I’m coming from Boogie?”
“Now me telling you that I had a job when I was young was not something told to you to impress you. It was meant to shed light on some things. My father MADE me get a job. He didn’t GIVE me a job, there’s the difference. He didn’t con me into believing something that wasn’t there and I’m not conning these people into anything. These people know who I am. They know what I can do inside the squared circle. These people know that I bring excitement, charisma, and intelligence to that ring, something it seems you my friend lack.”
Jacobs stood to his feet as he walked over to the wrestling ring in his gym.
“How dare you sit here and lie to these people? Saying that smokin’ blunts make people relate to you more. What people? Maybe the under 25 demographic but is that something to be really proud of. But I guess any little thing to be proud of is good for you. And you continue to lie to these people thinking that they don’t want to hear how wonderful I am? EVERYBODY wants to hear how wonderful I am. Everyone wants to know how he or she can get a glimpse or just touch the Superstar. Why? Because I am Pro Wrestling’s Phenom.”
Vince smirked after that comment.
“So I don’t give people something to strive for? A legend in the wrestling business and wealthy man to boot. Why wouldn’t the kids in the world today want to strive for something like? Because you are small minded. You think all kids want to grow up and smoke herb and be a thug for the rest of their lives. I believe some of the young kids of the day actually want to go to school and make something of themselves. Strive to become just more than a face in the crowd. Become something above and beyond that and if you have a lot of confidence in doing it then sobeit.”
“I was studying your tape sue me. It didn’t take me that long because you are a waste as a professional wrestler. The reason I do it because I want to be ready because I don’t like surprises. There is a minute possibility that you could pull something out of your ass but not likely. But there is that [Vince holds up his thumb and index finger] small chance that something weird could happen. You know when the planets are aligned and there is a total eclipse. So watching a few moves of yours that I can counter will be beneficial to me.”
“All there is left to say is that Boogie no matter how much ish you smoke it won’t be able to save your ass from getting to meet a Superstar up close and personal.”
Jacobs rolled into the ring getting ready to spar in the ring.
(FADEIN to a dark night in an abandoned industrial area of Portland. Flickering street lights illuminate several rundown dilapidated buildings and mills as lightning strikes in the background. The rain begins to pour and a cloud of smoke is spotted off in the distance. The camera zooms in on Boogie Smallz seated on the ledge of a covered loading dock. A black 2005 Cadillac Escalade is parked in the loading area in front of him. He is wearing a blue Dickies outfit and has his hair froed out. Smallz takes a drag off of his Cigarello and lets out a laugh. The bass from his voice echoes around him and the sound of the storm can be heard, as it continues to grow.)
BOOGIE SMALLZ: Vince, you’re a funny mofo. Ya make me laugh, dawg. (Grins.) Because you keep comin’ out on TV and (Snickers.) for some reason…ya got this notion that ya can’t be beat…that you’re (In a nasally voice, imitating Jacobs.) inVINCEible! (Rolls his eyes and clears his throat.) See Vinnie, I did some research on you too. I know about tha embarrassin’ loss you had to Lindsay Troy. (Chuckles.) Losin’ to a gal? (Shakes his head.) You are absolutely right about what you said from jump, Vince…therre is nothin’ I can do to hurt your pride anymore than she has already done. Panzyazz futhamucka’.
(Pauses for a moment and flicks the ash off his blunt before taking another drag.)
I see you’ve been tryin’ to learn a lil’ mo’ about me. Yeah, I seen ya peepin’ tha Battleground Britain show…good for you. Pat yourself on tha back for diggin’ up a match that happened over a year ago. That’s some good research, kid. Pure genius, man. I been in tha game for ten years and this triscuit is hollerin’ about only bein’ able to find matches against two people? If tha only matches I’ve had that you know about is against John Miller and Jean Rabesque…then ya really haven’t done your homework, potna’!
I mean, did it ever cross your mind that in even a year’s time…sumbody can flip tha script, switch therre style, they can learn new ish? (Shakes his head.) Tell ya what, go ‘head and dig up some old Disco Express tapes while you’re at it. I’m sure analyzin’ that ish will help ya too…that is, if you’re tryin’ to impress some skeeza’ in Hollywood and show her some new dance moves. Other than that…it ain’t gonna help ya! So I guess ya don’t know as much about me as ya figured and with all the research you’ve been doin’…well…ya ain’t doin’ good, homey.
(Boogie puffs his blunt and slowly releases the smoke.)
I heard ya out herre talkin’ about affirmative action and that’s the only reason I was champion. Get real, Jacobs. Ya oughta know better than that by now. Tha entire industry is set up like a Good Ol’ Boy network. I wasn’t gonna get ish until I stood up and said something about it! They woulda’ just let me be, but instead I went out and made sumthin’ happen! I’d still be teamin’ up with Inferno and managed by a midget if Thomas and Merritt had anything to do with it. But they didn’t. (Shakes his head.) I found an openin’ and I took it…and I haven’t looked back since!
It was the quickest rise to glory since Evan Aho jumped to the CSWA and flopped as the World champ. (Shakes his head.) And while CSWA inherited Aho…GXW went gangsta when Boogeezey hit tha scene! I ran roughshod in GXW and beat erryone in my path! Can you say tha same about your past, Vinnie? Prolly not…considerin’ ya lost to a beeyatch! (Smiles.) I would drop names of some of the peeps I beat, but I’m above that. I don’t feel like braggin’ about past opponents is gonna help my career. I’d rather focus on the present and who I gotta face next. No need to read off my resume’ and try to impress people. That ain’t my style.
(Lightning flashes in the background and Boogie takes a drag of his blunt. He looks down and begins speaking.)
Jacobs, as always…you failed to miss tha point. I wasn’t sayin’ by smokin’ herb that people related to me more. I said it’s because I do and don’t hide it, that they can relate to me more. They don’t like phony futhamuckas from Hollywood tryin’ to force feed them bullsh(BLEEP)! Talkin’ about havin’ charisma and intelligence…and YOU are the complete package? (Laughs.) Vince, you are only foolin’ yourself if ya truly believe that. I have more charisma while takin’ a dump…than I’ve seen you display tha entire time you’ve been in tha CSWA.
Now when you say you’re “Pro Wrestling’s Phenom”, does that mean our own version of Rain Man or are you more like Forrest Gump? I know you’re slow…but I am tryin’ to work with ya over herre. You said ya were a legend? (Shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.) In your own mind…maybe, but that is about tha ONLY place! You talk that legend ish herre…ya gonna get your ass whipped. You ain’t done ONE DAMN THANG herre in tha CSWA to even make that claim! What you did elsewhere…good for you…pat yourself on tha back. But none of that ish matters now.
SVJ? Sounds like an acronym for some sexually transmitted disease. If you think I’m gonna let you’re drippin’ burnin’ crusty cracka’ ass infest tha place I earn my cheese…then ya best think again. I’m your biggest fear. You can call my feet Penicillin and I’m about to put a dose in yo’ ass!
(Boogie looks wild-eyed and mean mugs the camera. He puffs his blunt and snorts the smoke out of his nose.)
The calm before the storm…that’s come and gone. (Thunder can be heard rumbling in the background.) I don’t beat around tha bush…I slide up into ish…I go balls deep! And right now I got one thang on my mind…well two. That’s beatin’ your punkass down and goin’ on to capture tha UNIFIED title!
Now you can be like deez otha’ mofos and live in denial. Or you can finally face tha facts and realize that tha man you gotta face will stop at nothin’ until he gets what he wants!
(Boogie hops off of the ledge and into the leading area. He climbs into the Escalade and inserts a DVD into the player. He opens the back door and a flat-screen TV unfolds from the floor. He grabs the remote control and shakes his head.)
Poor lil’ guy. After seein’ then I understand your pain. (Looks sad and then shakes his head.) Nah…I really don’t…but I now I realize why you try to overcompensate.
(Boogie clicks a button on the remote and the camera zooms in on the screen. A looped portion of Vince Jacob’s last interview begins to play. The words were somehow spliced from previous interviews and possibly overdubbed.)
[Vince holds up his thumb and index finger] SVJ: My penis is this small. [Vince holds up his thumb and index finger] My penis is this small. [Vince holds up his thumb and index finger] My penis is this small. [Vince holds up his thumb and index finger] My penis is this small. [Vince holds up his thumb and index finger] My penis is this small. [Vince holds up his thumb and index finger] My penis is this small. [Vince holds up his thumb and index finger]
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