J
JLebron
Guest
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Oct-16-02 AT 09:53 PM (EDT)](CUTTO: a black screen where we see the a huge red #3 suddenly appear and fade out, followed by a red #2 which also fades out, which of course is followed by a #1. At this point the screen explodes and we immediately.....
CUTTO: Footage of an old NFWA broadcast featuring Jake Shades interviewing King Krusher. The interview gets out of hand and King Krusher jumps to his feet and reaches for Jake Shades. A look of surprise is plastered all over King Krusher's face as he pulls Jake by his hair, only to find himself staring at Jake's now bald head as he holds his toupee in his fist....
CUTTO: Footage from an old AFWC broadcast as we see Jake Shades in the ring wrestling against Scott Malec....
CUTTO: Footage from an old FWF broadcast where we see Scott Malec confronting Jake Shades....
CUT BACK TO: the original black screen as the following message is displayed: [blockquote]"The following program contains language and scenes which may be considered offensive. The views expressed do not represent the views of FOX Sports Network or any of its affiliates. Viewer discretion is advised." [/blockquote] That message slowly fades and is then replaced by "Jake Shades - Truth Thru His Eyes..... Picking up where Off The Ropes left off." That message begins to burn until the screen burns away and we find ourselves staring at a REALLY messy office with papers littered all over a desk, a garbage pail over flowing with crumpled pieces of paper and empty beer bottles, file cabinets half open, a toy wrestling ring with a Mike Manson action figure pinning a Maelstrom action figure at one end and a Jobber action figure sitting on the back of a Jean Rabesque action figure. In front of the toy wrestling ring is a near empty whiskey bottle. Sitting behind the desk, is a small beady eyed man. He's completely bald with a 5 o'clock shadow on this face, despite the fact that the clock on the wall says 10:30 a.m. He gives a big Kool-Aid smile and begins speaking......)
JAKE SHADES: It's been a LOOOOOOOOONG while, but I'm finally back Malec! Did ya REALLY think that ya could keep me down? Me? ME!? Hell, if it weren't for MY show "Off The Ropes", the NFWA would have NEVER been as successful as it was..... if it weren't for MY extraordinary commentating skills, the AFWC wouldn't have been as successful as it was! If it weren't for MY charisma the FWF would never have been the league by which all leagues now measure themselves! And now, I'm here to do what YOU are so inept at Malec! And that's to put the GLCW on the map!! You see Malec, your jealousy of me wouldn't allow your ego to offer me a commentator's spot here, but you forgot to lock the back door! You see, I kind of got tired of being hounded by the Fox Sports networks' pleas and beggings to bring back my award winning show, "Off The Ropes", so I just signed a contract with them to host a new syndicated show. It'll be picking up where Off The Ropes left off. It'll be an independent, unbiassed, companion compliment to all their sports broadcasts, based on the only truth worth listening to, the truth as I see it!! Oh and by the way, unlike the FWF and AFWC, you WON'T be able to censor me! Your influence won’t reach that far THIS time!
(begins laughing boisterously as he reaches for the empty bottle of whiskey on his desk and raises it to his lips and drinks. He immediately makes a face and spits out what looks to be a cigarette butt onto his desk and resumes speaking as if it never happened.....)
JAKE SHADES: So, now that I've managed to make your day Malec, lets get down to business! Lets start off with an assessment of some of your GLCW talent. We have who I feel is a wrestler who has been slighted by the FWF and whose talent was never properly recognized by Malec and Lebron..... THE JOBBER!! Now the Jobber has GOT to be one of THE most grossly underrated, unrecognized talents around. Here we have a guy who hasn't lost a match in like what? (shuffles through the paperwork on his desk) FIVE YEARS?! And he loses his bid at being the first GLCW World Champ and ya toss him this TV title like a F(BLEEP)ING crumb as some sort of consolation? Well, the ONLY thing that saves you from being accused of railroading The Jobber into capturing a secondary title is the fact of WHO won the World title! The fact that Manson, who I consider to be THE MAN in GLCW winning the World title is the ONLY reason that I'm not screaming.... CONSPIRACY! Though a lot of it has to do with your plan to have Manson lose the title blow up in your face. You know what I'm talking about.... that little plot you devised to have that GOOF, MaelBUM in as the referee. It's no wonder that the Kicago Klown inadvertently screwed up your plans, I mean, you had to "carry" him as a wrestler and now Malec, it seems that you'll have to "carry" him as an accomplice! Next time Malec, you should SPELL it out to him, maybe buy him a newer edition of Hooked-On-Phonics? I mean, you expect entirely too much from him, what with a single digit IQ and all. So for all of that Malec, it's MY pleasure to inform you that you will have the distinct honor of being this show's first recipient of our Hall Of Shame award!
(reaches behind his desk and pulls out an 8 x 10 portrait photo of Scott Malec. The photo shows all but one of Malec's teeth blackened in with a magic marker, a black eye colored in, and stitches drawn in on his cheek. He places the photo in up on the wall behind him under a banner that says Hall Of Shame and turns back around and resumes speaking....)
JAKE SHADES: Moving on now, we have yet another positive to report this week.... The tag team crowning of Kraven and Flatliner as champions! Was there ever really any doubt now? Nothing personal to The Movement who in my opinion are one of the best new combinations I’ve seen in years to come but unfortunately, the Unholy Alliance's experience factor played a major part in their quest for the title and they fell just a little short. But its all good though, the Movement has a shot against the Unholy Alliance again and who knows, maybe they’ll have a surprise for the boys from Pandora Isle this time around. Either way, that’ll be a match to watch, that is if Malec doesn’t try to pull another stunt like he did with the Manson/Golem match. Bad enough you try to shove no-talents has-beens like MaelSCUM, “The Eradicator” Troy Martinez, and ole' Frenchy, pepe le peu Rabesque into the spotlight but now, you try and hold back the REAL future of the GLCW! The up and coming guys like Jon Savage, "Lost Cause" Chris O'Neill, “Showtime” Steven James, The Movement. It's guys like YOU Malec who are ruining this sport for all of us! You have an exciting, talented wrestler like Golem, a REAL monster, and you’re trying to domesticate him!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?! Golem, listen up bud, it's NOT too late! Don't do it! Don't let Malec manipulate you into yet another one of his hand puppets! But more importantly, don't lose MY respect! Malec, you may be the LAW in the GLCW but ya know what? I’M THE LAW HERE!! Ya can’t intimidate, twist or censor my words or thoughts like you do all those other pawns of yours, so if you have the balls to appear on MY show and face the HARD questions head on..... then come on down baby and show US ALL just how big they are! In fact, you can even bring your little pet, that Magilla Gorilla guy, the Kicago Klown. The more people I get to expose and humiliate the better! Appropriately speaking, in the words of the immortal Kicago Klown himself..... THAT’LL SUCK FOR YOU!! Remember guys, no matter how hard you try, you can never be like me! So until next time, I'll see ya when I see ya!
(Jake Shades glances at the GLCW action figures in the toy ring and smiles to himself as he begins placing them in new poses. He then pulls a bottle of beer out of his inside jacket pocket and takes a long swallow. He belches loudly and begins tossing darts at the already defaced picture of Scott Malec in the Hall Of Shame. The credits begin to role as we slowly .... FADE OUT.....)
CUTTO: Footage of an old NFWA broadcast featuring Jake Shades interviewing King Krusher. The interview gets out of hand and King Krusher jumps to his feet and reaches for Jake Shades. A look of surprise is plastered all over King Krusher's face as he pulls Jake by his hair, only to find himself staring at Jake's now bald head as he holds his toupee in his fist....
CUTTO: Footage from an old AFWC broadcast as we see Jake Shades in the ring wrestling against Scott Malec....
CUTTO: Footage from an old FWF broadcast where we see Scott Malec confronting Jake Shades....
CUT BACK TO: the original black screen as the following message is displayed: [blockquote]"The following program contains language and scenes which may be considered offensive. The views expressed do not represent the views of FOX Sports Network or any of its affiliates. Viewer discretion is advised." [/blockquote] That message slowly fades and is then replaced by "Jake Shades - Truth Thru His Eyes..... Picking up where Off The Ropes left off." That message begins to burn until the screen burns away and we find ourselves staring at a REALLY messy office with papers littered all over a desk, a garbage pail over flowing with crumpled pieces of paper and empty beer bottles, file cabinets half open, a toy wrestling ring with a Mike Manson action figure pinning a Maelstrom action figure at one end and a Jobber action figure sitting on the back of a Jean Rabesque action figure. In front of the toy wrestling ring is a near empty whiskey bottle. Sitting behind the desk, is a small beady eyed man. He's completely bald with a 5 o'clock shadow on this face, despite the fact that the clock on the wall says 10:30 a.m. He gives a big Kool-Aid smile and begins speaking......)
JAKE SHADES: It's been a LOOOOOOOOONG while, but I'm finally back Malec! Did ya REALLY think that ya could keep me down? Me? ME!? Hell, if it weren't for MY show "Off The Ropes", the NFWA would have NEVER been as successful as it was..... if it weren't for MY extraordinary commentating skills, the AFWC wouldn't have been as successful as it was! If it weren't for MY charisma the FWF would never have been the league by which all leagues now measure themselves! And now, I'm here to do what YOU are so inept at Malec! And that's to put the GLCW on the map!! You see Malec, your jealousy of me wouldn't allow your ego to offer me a commentator's spot here, but you forgot to lock the back door! You see, I kind of got tired of being hounded by the Fox Sports networks' pleas and beggings to bring back my award winning show, "Off The Ropes", so I just signed a contract with them to host a new syndicated show. It'll be picking up where Off The Ropes left off. It'll be an independent, unbiassed, companion compliment to all their sports broadcasts, based on the only truth worth listening to, the truth as I see it!! Oh and by the way, unlike the FWF and AFWC, you WON'T be able to censor me! Your influence won’t reach that far THIS time!
(begins laughing boisterously as he reaches for the empty bottle of whiskey on his desk and raises it to his lips and drinks. He immediately makes a face and spits out what looks to be a cigarette butt onto his desk and resumes speaking as if it never happened.....)
JAKE SHADES: So, now that I've managed to make your day Malec, lets get down to business! Lets start off with an assessment of some of your GLCW talent. We have who I feel is a wrestler who has been slighted by the FWF and whose talent was never properly recognized by Malec and Lebron..... THE JOBBER!! Now the Jobber has GOT to be one of THE most grossly underrated, unrecognized talents around. Here we have a guy who hasn't lost a match in like what? (shuffles through the paperwork on his desk) FIVE YEARS?! And he loses his bid at being the first GLCW World Champ and ya toss him this TV title like a F(BLEEP)ING crumb as some sort of consolation? Well, the ONLY thing that saves you from being accused of railroading The Jobber into capturing a secondary title is the fact of WHO won the World title! The fact that Manson, who I consider to be THE MAN in GLCW winning the World title is the ONLY reason that I'm not screaming.... CONSPIRACY! Though a lot of it has to do with your plan to have Manson lose the title blow up in your face. You know what I'm talking about.... that little plot you devised to have that GOOF, MaelBUM in as the referee. It's no wonder that the Kicago Klown inadvertently screwed up your plans, I mean, you had to "carry" him as a wrestler and now Malec, it seems that you'll have to "carry" him as an accomplice! Next time Malec, you should SPELL it out to him, maybe buy him a newer edition of Hooked-On-Phonics? I mean, you expect entirely too much from him, what with a single digit IQ and all. So for all of that Malec, it's MY pleasure to inform you that you will have the distinct honor of being this show's first recipient of our Hall Of Shame award!
(reaches behind his desk and pulls out an 8 x 10 portrait photo of Scott Malec. The photo shows all but one of Malec's teeth blackened in with a magic marker, a black eye colored in, and stitches drawn in on his cheek. He places the photo in up on the wall behind him under a banner that says Hall Of Shame and turns back around and resumes speaking....)
JAKE SHADES: Moving on now, we have yet another positive to report this week.... The tag team crowning of Kraven and Flatliner as champions! Was there ever really any doubt now? Nothing personal to The Movement who in my opinion are one of the best new combinations I’ve seen in years to come but unfortunately, the Unholy Alliance's experience factor played a major part in their quest for the title and they fell just a little short. But its all good though, the Movement has a shot against the Unholy Alliance again and who knows, maybe they’ll have a surprise for the boys from Pandora Isle this time around. Either way, that’ll be a match to watch, that is if Malec doesn’t try to pull another stunt like he did with the Manson/Golem match. Bad enough you try to shove no-talents has-beens like MaelSCUM, “The Eradicator” Troy Martinez, and ole' Frenchy, pepe le peu Rabesque into the spotlight but now, you try and hold back the REAL future of the GLCW! The up and coming guys like Jon Savage, "Lost Cause" Chris O'Neill, “Showtime” Steven James, The Movement. It's guys like YOU Malec who are ruining this sport for all of us! You have an exciting, talented wrestler like Golem, a REAL monster, and you’re trying to domesticate him!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?! Golem, listen up bud, it's NOT too late! Don't do it! Don't let Malec manipulate you into yet another one of his hand puppets! But more importantly, don't lose MY respect! Malec, you may be the LAW in the GLCW but ya know what? I’M THE LAW HERE!! Ya can’t intimidate, twist or censor my words or thoughts like you do all those other pawns of yours, so if you have the balls to appear on MY show and face the HARD questions head on..... then come on down baby and show US ALL just how big they are! In fact, you can even bring your little pet, that Magilla Gorilla guy, the Kicago Klown. The more people I get to expose and humiliate the better! Appropriately speaking, in the words of the immortal Kicago Klown himself..... THAT’LL SUCK FOR YOU!! Remember guys, no matter how hard you try, you can never be like me! So until next time, I'll see ya when I see ya!
(Jake Shades glances at the GLCW action figures in the toy ring and smiles to himself as he begins placing them in new poses. He then pulls a bottle of beer out of his inside jacket pocket and takes a long swallow. He belches loudly and begins tossing darts at the already defaced picture of Scott Malec in the Hall Of Shame. The credits begin to role as we slowly .... FADE OUT.....)