If That Is Indeed Your Real Name

[GreggG]

(CUT TO: A cherry red Porsche in the middle of a parking lot-- personal plates reading "EDDYLV" on the back. Next to the car, hunched over a bucket with a sponge in his hand, is "The Original King of Cool" JJ DeVille. JJ-- hair poofed, earring dangling and wearing an airbrushed half-shirt with Molly Ringwald's likeness on it and hip-hugging jeans, is busy washing the car, then he sees the camera, drops the sponge and picks up a pair of nunchucks that just happened to be there.)

JJ: (making karate noises while posing with the nunchucks) In a few short weeks, the Eddy Love Wrestling Alliance... no, I mean... the CS Wrestling Alliance will be having its 48th Anniversary Spectacular. I can run down the list of so-called stars and champions that will be participating in this extravaganza... but all I know is that everyone who is ordering this spectacular is ordering to see one man in action... and that is my main man Eduardo Amor-ay in action.

But truth be told, there are a few other people out there who are interested in seeing Eddy Love's associate and student in action. In fact, The Playboys have learned that there is *SO MUCH* interest in seeing The Original King of Cool in action that Chad Merrit has already proclaimed my match against Loquacious Larry Leisuresuit... wait, I mean Luscious Lance Leisure... as a CO-MAIN EVENT!

That's right, Triple L. (JJ points the nunchucks at the camera.) Me and you are going to be having a match with the spotlight on us. Now, I don't know what cave you've crawled out of but I know where I've been the past few months... I've been at the beck and call of Eddy Love and Troy Windham, the greatest wrestlers in this sport's history, the coolest people in this planet's history... two great humanitarians who have donated millions of dollars to various charities simply because of their innocent love of life. If Eddy asks me to make his bed on his third lear jet, I go and make the bed on his third lear jet. If Troy wants me to straighten out his Playstation 2 cords while he's relaxing on the trailer of his latest UPN sit-com, I go and straighten out his PS-2 strings.

But, Luscious Lance Leizure... (JJ again points menacingly at the camera) IF THAT IS INDEED YOUR REAL NAME... along the way, those two men... those two great, great, oh-so-great men have taught me a lot. They've taught me that most young girls will do anything to sleep with a real life celebrity... they've taught me that most grown men will do anything to be in the presence of a celebrity... they've taught me that despite my mom's pleas, I don't have to go to bed at 9 p.m., and instead I can hang with them like what my favorite r & b artist Lionel Ritchie said... and that's (does the Fargo Strut) all night long. And along the way, Loser Lance Laptop... they've showed me what it's like to be in a main event.

Sure, Ludicrous Larry Lazer... you may be bigger than me... you may be stronger than me... and you may be seemingly impervious to the mastery of the ninja arts that has made me The Human Weapon, registered as such in 4 Candaian provinces. But what you do not have is star charisma. I've travelled with stars, you neo-maxie zoom dweebie. The biggest in the history of this sport. And they've showed me what it's like to be in the spotlight 24, 7, 365 and an extra one on leap year... I know how to handle the pressure of being in the limelight, of being in the co-main event of the biggest pay per view in the history of history. Luscious Lance Leizure... real name or not... that is something that you do not know a THING about. Come Anniversary... you're going to find out why JJ DeVille... is DeBomb! (FTB)

 

[JBooher]

INDEED My Real Name

**Fade in....

A stack of Guitar World magazines are tossed across a crystal-surfaced coffee table with gold legs stretching across the length of the table onto the black carpet of the living room of the mansion that is the home of none other than Lance Liezure himself. Across the way from the table is a dark black Epiphone 5-string bass leaning against the wall.

Suddenly the door comes swinging open and a skateboard comes flying out of it while it is flipping and spinning at a high speed. A couple seconds leater Lance walks in as it slams into the wall knocking two pictures and a skateboarding trophy off a stand. Lance storms towards the camera and calmly speaks.**

Lance: Mr. Deville....there is nothing loquacious, loser, ludicrous, or luscious about this. This is me, Lance Liezure, ridding the CSWA of one of the most god-awful, idiotic, ridiculous, moronic, colonic, idiosyncratic nuisance that this league has ever seen. You are an embarrassment to your colleagues, your family, and your friends.....or do you have any??

But you know....you are right about one thing that you mentioned in your incessant ramblings....I am impervious to "the mastery of the ninja arts that has made you The Human Weapon."

And, trust me, J.J., I *AM* bigger than you (Looks down), I *AM* stronger than you, and J.J. I'm sure as hell a lot tougher than you.

**Lance stops for a moment then turns and goes to sit into the recliner. He grabs a Guitar One magazine off the table the leans back at reads for a moment. He leans back forward with a smirk on his face.**

So, J.J., you say I lack "the star charisma"? Well, my man, I must have something going for me because I have made it to the CSWA's premiere card, Anniversary 2001, in only my first few months being employed by this great Federation!! And that in itself is a feat that I don't think many have accomplished!

**He rolls the guitar magazine in his hand and slaps it against his other hand.**

Plus, with the added addition of you thinking this is a "CO-MAIN EVENT" adds more fuel to the fire. Which makes me more stoked to come down to that ring and make a hell of a show out of shredding you limb from limb from one end of the arena to the other. Just remember, Mr. DeVille, when the music hits, the lights go up, and I step through that curtain.....just remember that I warned you.....

I warned you.....

**He unrolls the magazine and places it on the table open to the tabs. He reaches across the table and grabs his bass. He sits back down and begins practicing as we.....

.....FADE TO BLACK!!!**