Who's the Star?
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Feb-14-03 AT 03:48 PM (EST)](Fade In: To a soundstage or television studio somewhere, as the WFW logo hangs from the cieling to make for a typical, generic background. Suddenly, former world heavyweight champion, "The Phenom" Shawn Hart steps onto the shot, sporting red leather from head to toe, holding a bottle of Perrier. He cracks his neck from side to side, rubs a hand through his hair with a grin, and proceeds to speak...)
Hart: "So lemme get this straight... as the WFW kicks off this graaaand tournament to crown a world heavyweight champion, my *makes quotations with his fingers* 'esteemed' opponent is quarreling with guys at the ice cream parlor?! Nice to see you have your head in the game, Mr. Johnny Starr. But ya know, I never thought I'd see the day when a 7 foot, damn near 300 lb. man let minimum wage, apron wearin', ice cream servin' JACK-hole call him names like butter cup! However, as much as I'd like to play Freud and discuss further these... abnormal tendencies, we've got bigger fish to fry. Cuz in CASE you haven't noticed, coming up at the Hennig Memorial Show, you and I have a date with destiny, Starr! You damned right! It'll be me, El Hombre Magnifico, PHAT Papa Shawn, the PHENOM.. in the flesh, SHAWN HART... goin' head to head with you, the so-called incredible one, Johnny Starr. And I hate to burst your bubble, kid, but despite what you say... when we hit that ring, you can bet your bottom dollar that it'll be yours truly makin' the headlines!
You see, you may think you got the drop on this biz with your cheap suit and beeeeeeeeggin' tah be cool lingo, but the fact is... yer nothin' more than a watered-down, Shawn Hart CLONE with a goofy mask! You have problems shakin' the ladies off? Pal, I was shakin' the ladies off before you even THOUGHT of lacin' 'em up! And besides, it's played out. All the lady shakin' antics in the world aren't gonna help you when we're in that ring. That's what you fail to realize... as good as you THINK you are, you don't have the tools to get to the top. I mean, really... what have you accomplished in this business, brah? I'm a MULTIPLE time champ in this sport, and on the flip side I don't even know if you've wrestled a match! But hey, like you said.. it's just showbiz, right? And you'll get yours because you're the STAR of the show, right? Gimme a break. I may not be Albert Einstein, but hey... I could win Ben Stein's money! And with that being the case, listen up Johnny... I'm gonna toss you some wisdom here. Get out while you still can. You could be 8 feet tall for all I care, and it wouldn't make a bit of difference! Ya know why, chief? Hmmmm?? It doesn't matter how big you are because, deep down inside, you have no heart, Johnny Starr. And a man without heart DOESN'T have what it takes to outlast the Phenom. Call it a MOCKERY, call it an OUTRAGE, I call it the TRUTH!"
(Shawn pauses, momentarily, and takes a sip from his Perrier. He then shakes his head in disgust, looks back into the camera, and continues...)
Hart: "You talk about seeing a shrink so I can get over my nightmares of wanting to become like you, and hey.. you're right. When I think about becoming a man like you, that's the worst nightmare I could have! After all, there's no worse a fate than being born into this world an oversized, ugly-face gotsta wear a mask, stumblin' and bumblin' over his own words, out of touch with reality, likin' other men to call him cute names FREAK! But then, you're not exactly oversized everywhere are you... *he scratches his inner thigh* At any rate, the bottom line is this... you can shoot your trap about sweet victories all ya want, the cold, hard fact remains that in the end... I'll be the one on top. You wanna know who I am? You're asking what El Hobmre Magnifico is all about? Well don't you worry, big man... come showtime, you'll experience it first hand. I just hope you survive to warn the rest. The Phenom.. has left... the building!!"
(Fade out)