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Hennig Memorial: Rat Fink vs. Bobby Lee

ChrisHorowitz

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Jan 1, 2000
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Your Limits

(Cue up generic 50's PSA backround music.)

(Fade in to a suburban house, the black and white scene begins where we see a boy of 10 watching TV as his mother looks on from the kitchen. Suddenly, a door opens and another slightly younger boy runs in.)

Younger Brother: Mom, in class we had to tell the class what we wanted to be when we grew up... I said I wanted to be a firefighter and Jimmy Fenkin said I couldn't because I was too weak.

Mother: Well John, some kids try to make other kids feel bad to make themselves feel better. You should know by now that you can be anything you want to be if you just put your mind to it. Remember that girl who was on the news, she had no arms yet she plays soccer and is a cheerleader.

YB: Well... I guess you're right.

(Suddenly, a flash is seen and RAT FINK dressed in black fedora, a ski mask, black cape and jump suit.)

YB: Rat Fink! Mom said you were just in the comic books!

Rat Fink: Oh no Jimmmy...

YB: John.

Rat: John, I'm just as real as you or your brother, and I heard about your problem on my atomic hearing aid.

YB: So you think I could be a fireman too?

Rat: Of course not, what are you stupid? Look how puny you are! If you had to carry a woman out of a burning building you wouldn't make it five feet. How do you think you'll be able to carry that heavy equipment and control those powerful hoses when you can barely carry in the groceries?

YB: (Fighting off tears.) But what about the girl with no arms, she's a cheerleader, she plays soccer, and she can put in her contacts with her feet?

Rat Fink: Well I don't see her playing baseball or football! Just because she's an overachiever doesn't mean she's some example that you can do anything you want. I'd like to see her fire a gun with no arms. Could her feet hold up to the recoil of a shotgun? I doubt it laddy.

(The scene freezes, and Rat Fink turns to face the camera.)

Rat Fink: My friends, another young boy has learned that he must accept his limits if he'll ever be truly happy. Sure he will cry himself to sleep tonight and likely for the rest of the month, but when he has settled in to his life of picking up roadkill on the freeway, he'll be glad that he accepted that lot in life when he was young, so that those crushing idealized dreams of youth didn't turn his life into a crushing dissapointment. And since young Jake has been dealt with, I can now turn my attention to one Bobby Lee.

No doubt that Bobby Lee is a lot like our young Josh here, filled with ideas that he can do anything if he puts his mind to it. Bobby Lee, you may think you are a hot shot talent in WFW, but in your first match you will learn that you cannot defeat a superhero, especially a realist superhero. Other wrestlers may have to rely on their hard work or dedication, but not I as I know what rubbish the both of those are. I was hoping to hear from you first Lee, as I do like to help my opponents. I'm not in this to hurt people, just to rise to the top and spread the magic of realistic aspirations to all of America.

No longer can this be a country where the midgets feel they are on equal footing with those of normal height, this politically correctness will simply destroy us unless I RAT FINK can save America. Bobby Lee, it begins with you. When you go down you and your dreams of grandeur die with it. Slowly as the rest of the dreams of the WFW die, the world will see that the only way to happiness is a dry hopeless lifestyle, one where they don't cling to sappy inspirational messages, but one where they accept that other people truely are better than them. Bobby Lee, you must accept that truely I am better than you, and that you have no hope of beating me. Only then will you find your way in the world, and will you be happy.

(Fade out)
 

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