Big Ass Ham
* The parking lot at The First Union Center has all but emptied after the debut of GXW's new program, OnSlaught. A few parking attendants wait patiently while a few straglers slowly walk to their cars. GXW employees also slowly make their way out from a successful broadcast. A small line of devoted fans wait with pen and paper in their hands for the remaining superstars to exit. An energetic no-name rookie and his flamboyant manager exit and quickly reenter the arena. They reappear a moment later, this time with a towel draped over the rookie's head, while his manager pushes the motionless crowd back. The duo hop in a nearby Pinto, and make tracks. A small man with a GXW logo on his shirt exits and faces the crowd. *
GXW OFFICIAL: "Thank you all for waiting, but all of the GXW superstars have left."
* The official walks back inside the arena as the crowd "boos" and begin their journey home. A few police squad cars park near the door, and riot gear clad officers make their way to the exit. They position themselves as a few of the megafans turn on their cars. *
COP #1: "Looks like a slow night, Jer."
COP #2: "Thank God! You saw what they did to Tom at GLobal Warfare, didn't ya'? Wife wants me to transfer out, says she can't stand not knowing if I'll come home..."
* The police barely hear the door close behind them over the car engines and stereos. A young voice catches their attention. They raise their riot shields as the young man speaks. *
YOUNG MAN: "Hey Jer, hey Luke. Tom still not out of the hospital?"
COP #2 "You kidding, Mr. Hiroshi? You saw it all, you were there..."
COP #1 "Doctors said he should wake up soon, Kin."
KIN HIROSHI: "Okay, I'll visit soon. I've been busy with GXW and CSWA. You guys ready this time?"
* Both cops nod. Kin listens to the stereos blasting rap, hip hop, and R&B. Over it all Kin can hear a few choice notes of easy listening music being played. He smiles and bows his head while dropping his suitcase with a thud. Kin pulls out his newly aquired GXW Television Title Belt from the bag as the police watch Kin with their eyes as big as dinner plates. Both begin to shake, but they just stare like deer in headlights. Kin tosses the title over his shoulder and cups his hands to his mouth. *
KIN HIROSHI: "HEY! I'M EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNING, TOO!"
* The parade of cas brake, and drivers and passengers alike crane their necks. Some people open their doors and step out for a better look. Kin opens up his arms like he was expecting a hug from a long lost aunt. A group of fans begin to walk, then jog, then sprint towards Kin, pencils in hands. The police regain their composure as the rampaging mass closes in. Just as the three men are trampled, Kin puts his hands out as if to command the group to stop. The guards close their eyes and brace themselves just before the crowd comes to a screeching hault. *
KIN HIROSHI: "My people, there is plenty of time for autographs."
* The crowd looks around as pencils and notpads are flipped out. A few chuckles and snide remarks leap Kin's way. Kin moves in for autographs when... *
REPORTER #1: "Mr. Hiroshi, Jay Smith with Powerslam Press, do you feel your victory over Reaver was deserved due to Cameron Cruise's involvement?"
KIN HIROSHI: "What!? A reporter? Okay, all autographs come to the front."
* The crowd snickers again as no one moves foraward. Kin sighs as he hangs his head in shame. *
REPORTER #1: "Do you want me to repeat the question, Mr. Hiroshi?"
KIN HIROSHI: "No, but you want to know if this was an empty victory for me?"
* The reporter gives an affirmative nod, and Kin taps the title belt. *
KIN HIROSHI: "What do you think? I beat Reaver, and won the title. Doesn't feel empty. Reaver might feel a little cheated after I was so convincing about being an 'honest injun' in the ring and all. Hell, Cruise did me a favor, and us Japanese take kindly to favors. I'm Chewbacca to his Han Solo, I owe him."
REPORTER #1:: Been watching Star Wars again, Kin?"
KIN HIROSHI: *whispering* Oh yeah, Natalie Portman loves my wookie...
REPORTER #2: "What was that, Kin?"
KIN HIROSHI: "Nothing, next."
REPORTER #2: "Richie Simmons, Q.U.E.R. radio, what is your involvement with CSWA, and how are your GXW colleagues reacting to you wrestling in both leagues?"
KIN HIROSHI: "Wait. You name is 'Richie' Simmons, and you work for queer radio?"
REPORTER #2: "So?"
KIN HIROSHI: "Okaaaay...so, CSWA, right? Well, they got themselves a GXW 'invasion,' or so they like to say. I say they have new talent. What about the rookies in GXW? We have an invasion! Before I was in CSWA, I was wrestling for GXW. Before that, EWI. Before that, I was in Japan. Everyone has an influx at sometime or another, it's just whether that influx gets labeled that makes the difference. As for the boys in back, they show their support because I'm GXW. At CSWA, I get respect because I can wrestle. The's the main reason I signed with CSWA, I got respect, something that isn't existent in GXW. here, your a target or a doormat, it doesn't matter who you are, who your friends are, what you can do, or what you have done..."
REPORTER #2: "Is that something you hope to change?"
KIN HIROSHI: "I already have begun. Erik Zieba and I are on the same page now. Srure, he did beat Dupree for GXW control, but I put the initial fear into Dupree. I finally made up for S.S.N.'s mistakes."
REPORTER #1: "Speaking of S.S.N., a lot of fans are wondering when you and Eddy Love will finally face each other."
KIN HIROSHI: "That's hard to say. Eddy is a busy man, as am I. Plus, my agend is in GXW right now, although you never know what will happen in CSWA, in fact, I have a match against Nathan Storm coming up. I haven't heard of or from him, but I'm expecting good things."
REPORTER #3: "Yes. Mr. Habooki, I am King Fiesal III with Tiger Beat Magazine..."
KIN HIROSHI: "HEY! Kin, long time no see, how are Sky Suicide and 'Turn-On' Tony Sajec?"
KING FIESAL III "Ummm, okay, I guess. Anyways, word has it you also are facing off against Hellfighter at OnSlaught, and then Rob Sampson, Kendall Codine, and Justin Tyler at X-Perience. Any words for your opponents?"
* Kin smirks. Does Kin Hiroshi have anything to say? Doesn't he always? Never seeming to be at a loss of words, Kin speaks... *
KIN HIROSHI: "Sure, first thing first. Hellfighter. You know what would be cool for your image, man? First, have "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC as your entrance music, okay? Then, a midget dressed as a little devil comes running...no, no wait...scurrying out from the back, following me? Then you come out, casually following the devil-thingy to the ring, only you're dressed like that Arnold guy from 'Terminator 2', only more like 'Conan the Barbarian' era. Big sword and all! Then, when you finally get to the ring, you swing that big ass blade at the midget, but you miss because...well...he's a devil. Then you grab a mic and in a deep raspy voice you say, 'I'll get that little fu**er one of these days.' The only thing is, every, oh, say twenty days, you actually hit the little bastard! Then, after about four months you show off your trophy collection at a show. Then, when the angle is dying or you get bored, you could have an army of limbless midgets chase you down. Damn! That would AWESOME!"
* A dropjawed silence emerges from Kin's heartfelt message. Hiroshi stands tall and pround in the middle of the silence. Kin's arms are raised skyward, but slowly relax back to reality as Kin breathes a heavy sigh. *
KIN HIROSHI: "Man, I wish I could be a hellfighter..."
* A polite cough from one of the police men awakens the mind boggled crowd. A look of anticipation from "The Muffin Man" grazes the reporters *
KIN HIROSHI: "So, what do you think, guys?"
KING FIESAL III: "Kin, we wanted to know your thoughts on the match."
KIN HIROSHI: "Do the words slobberknocker, genious, brilliant, and match-of-the-year mean anything to you? Hellfighter is good, but I'm better. He thinks he can take my title from me? Hellfighter, you can pry it from my cold lifeless hands. WAIT...YEAH! You could use that line with your sword! OOO! OOO! You could name the sword too, but nothing geeky like Excalibur..."
REPORTER #1: "ahem..."
KIN HIROSHI: "Right, the match. Anyways, you can try to take my title, but it ain't happening. After our match, I will still be the Television Champion, and after X-Perience, I will become the Continental Champion. Justin Tyler seems to disagree, but he's wrong. Not only will I walk tall with the two titles, but a thrid would be a magnificant accomplishment in this league. It will happen, eventually, I mean, once I win the GXW Unified Championship as well! Tyler, if 'cockiness' is a measure of arrogance, self-assuredness, and selfishness then I'm a hundred times more cokcy than you. Hell, we could still call you 'Cocky' Justin Tyler, but I'ld be 'Shlong' Kin Hiroshi, that's how 'cocky' I am.
REPORTER #4: "*whispering to another reporter* Kin isn't cocky, he's such a..."
KIN HIROSHI: "Dick?"
REPORTER #4: "Yes. Sorry about that, Dick Trickle, Cable 4 News. Kin, you are such a lightweight compared to Sampson, Hellfighter, Codine, and Tyler, do you really expect to win? Any secret strategies?"
KIN HIROSHI: "I thought that was you, Dick. Nice to see you again. In any match with a big man, I always need to be lightning around them. I mean sure the old cliche is the bigger they are, the harder they fall. But there is a little known cliche about us small guys...the faster we move, the futher we fly. So, I can't afford to have Sampson put one of his banana hands around me. Sure, I've looked up to the guy since I started wrestling around him. He's got talent, but he's starting to get sloppy in the ring, that's why I'm making my move now. Talent can only take you so far. Good thing I have good looks, lots of money, and am in great physical shape on top of my natural wrestling ability. As for Codine, man, what I wouldn't give to have not one, but two world title shots. Of course, it would only take me one shot to win it, and keep it. I bet I could make it through at least three CSWA pay-per-views with it, so that's like what? A year and a half or so? Now, I know you got a lot to prove at X-Perience, Codine. You need to prove that you can hack it in GXW after a few embarassing moments. I understand, I once ate a whole pizza by myself, and had do diet for like a month to stay down in my cruiserweight mode. But now that I'm going for the big prize, I do whatever I want. Kinda like what Tyler wants to do. Only thing is, Tyler won't be counting on me to do anything because I'm the small fry in the group. So, while Sampson lurches after me, while Codine trips in the ring and chokes, Tyler will be trying to figure out a way to pin himself. Meanwhile, all I have to do it wrestle one-on-one with any of them. Three-on-one is going to the extreme, and two-on-one against these guys might raise my heartbeat, but I can do one-on-one. As for Hellfighter, I don't know what I'm going to do with this guy. I'll get back to you.
* One of the guards opens up the door to a limo that has arrived during the questions. Kin Hiroshi hops in while reporters shout questions at the supermegastar. The tinted glass seperating the driver from Kin slowly comes down. *
DRIVER: Wow! You're Kin Hiroshi. Can I have your autograph, man? I'm your biggest fan!
KIN HIROSHI: Absolutely, absoltely.
*FADE TO GOLD*
