viii. STEEL CAGE GRUDGE MATCH: 'Electric' Eddie Patton v. Bobby Jack Windham
V/O: “Windham, Patton, BEYOND personal! This is…PRIMAL. Windham, Patton, two men born diametrically opposed, charged by fate to meet in combat. TONIGHT, the score gets settled!”
(CUEUP: “Bullet The Blue Sky” by U2)
(FADEIN: ‘ELECTRIC’ EDDIE PATTON pacing back and forth in one corner; transparent image of BOBBY JACK WINDHAM superimposed; and on top of that, another image of Patton; another of Windham; of Patton; of Windham…)
(Drums into guitar lead)
(CUTTO: Patton FLYING through the air to hit a big frogsplash, bouncing himself off his opponent and the canvas upon impact)
(CUTTO: Windham, running off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, back off the other ropes, BAM! SWEETWATER DREAMS clothesline from Hell, knocking some guy out!)
(CUTTO: Patton diving through the ropes, tackling Wanderlust into the steel guardrail)
(CUTTO: Windham throws a BIG KNEE at Duke Mackey, who came off the ropes)
“In the howlin’ wind,
Comes a stingin’ rain”
(CUTTO: Windham throwing repeated kicks to the ribs of Patton)
“See it drivin’ nails,
Into the souls on the tree of pain”
(CUTTO: Windham kneeling in prayer, center ring; Windham with Patton locked in the tree of woe, stomping his bloody face. He goes off camera for a moment, leaving us watching the hanging, blood soaked face of Patton. Suddenly his boots come storming back into view, baseball sliding Patton)
“From the firefly,
A red orange glow”
(CUTTO: Patton stumbling, hurt, not falling down. Windham comes in for the Sweetwater Dreams; Patton ducks, returns fire with a spinning heel kick)
“See the face of fear
Runnin’ scared in the valley below”
(CUTTO: Windham with the microphone, stomping a tied up Patton over and over)
WINDHAM: “… so ah’m askin’ you, dear Lord, ta please do what ah cayn’t find it in mah heart ta do… (STOMP!) …n’ that’s look after Eddie Patton. Look after him in this life, Lord… (STOMP!) …as he surely won’t meet you in th’ next… (STOMP!) Amen.”
(CUTTO: Windham pulling Patton off the ropes, up for a powerbomb, but gets hurricanrana’d into a pinfall! Patton leaps off in total elation)
“Bullet the blue sky
Bullet the blue sky
Bullet the blue
Bullet the blue”
(CUTTO: Windham clotheslining Patton to the outside, but Patton holds on and they both go over)
(CUTTO: Patton- MISSILE DROPKICK!)
“In the locust wind,
Comes a rattle and hum”
(CUTTO: Windham with a leg drop, pin; Patton kicks out; Windham picks him up, pin; Patton kicks out; frustration mounting)
“Jacob wrestled the angel,
And the angel was overcome”
(CUTTO: A fan JUMPS THE RAILING, climbs into the ring after Bobby Jack, only to be met with a lunging BOOT TO THE FACE! Security quickly grabs the man after he rolls out of the ring)
(FLASHCUTTO: FROGSPLASH- Patton! SWEETWATER DREAMS- Windham! GERMAN SUPLEX- Patton! BACKBREAKER- Windham! HURRICANRANA- Patton! POWERBOMB- Windham!)
“You plant a demon seed,
You raise a flower of fire”
(FLASHCUTTO: Face of Mark Windham, courtesy CSWA; Face of Troy Windham, courtesy NFW; Face of Bobby Jack Windham; shot expands, Patton is tied up in the ropes by his arms, like a crucifix, and Windham smacks him unconscious with the ring bell)
“We see them burnin’ crosses,
See the flames, higher and higher”
(CUTTO: Windam tosses the ring bell onto the mat, enters the ring, and picks it back up. He looks to the sky and mouths something before making the sign of the cross. Now he kisses the bell. He backs up a little, and…)
OBERSTARR: NO! NO! DON’T DO IT, BOBBY! DON’T DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIT- (SFX: THUD!)
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”
(Moment of silence between the announce team, while Windham immediately drops the ring bell. He walks over to the ropes and simply stares out at the crowd. Patton simply hangs by his arms from the ropes, looking almost crucified. His jaw is…noticeably crooked)
…
(CLOSEUP on Patton)
“Bullet the blue sky
Bullet the blue sky
Bullet the blue
Bullet the blue”
(Bass and drums play a steady rhythm)
(CUTTO: Studio set at a crowded Manhattan bar. Date and show are on the bottom left of the screen: AFTER HOURS w/Strawberry B!TCH, July 17, 2010. Strawberry sits across from RA PALAZZO)
StrB!TCH: Speaking of Eye for an Eye, we now know it’s going to be Zesty Mordant versus Vic Gravender in a number one contender’s match. Bobby Jack Windham cost Eddie Patton his shot to get in on that, and also challenged him to a steel cage match in Hartford. Is that match going to happen at the pay-per-view as well?
PALAZZO: We weren’t sure what was going on with that, but I talked to Eddie at the end of the night, and he accepted the match. (BIG CHEERS!) You know, they’re both 1-1 against each other- Eddie thought all scores were settled at the Grand Prix, but obviously Bobby Jack felt differently. But at Eye for an Eye, in a 20 foot steel cage, the score will FINALLY be settled, and hopefully both men can move on after that.
(SLO-MO SPLIT-SCREEN: Windham on the left/Patton on the right)
“We turn the key and slowly unlock the door,
As a man breathes into his saxophone,
And through the walls you hear the city groan.
Outside, is America
Outside, is America”
(FADE TO: NLW ‘EYE FOR AN EYE’ LOGO)
(Music fades)
(FADEIN: LIVE! Pan shot of the XL Center- the crowd is stirring in anticipation of what’s to come. The ring is enclosed in a 20 ft. steel device, better known as the STEEL CAGE)
(CUEUP: “La Grange” by ZZ Top)
(INSTANT BOOS! The hatred for the man about to make his entrance is DEAFENING!)
(Camera zooms all the way from the end of the entranceway to the top, looking up the chin of BOBBY JACK WINDHAM, who stops to survey the audience with a look of disgust before continuing on towards the cage. He’s wearing a wrestling singlet bearing the red and white of the Texas Tech Red Raiders)
OBERSTARR: There are many young stars of the future here in NLW, perhaps none more infamous than Bobby Jack Windham. A legacy wrestler, as he’s fond of reminding us time and again. But in many ways, he’s carving a path in this business much different from the one blazed by Mark and Troy. His style, the personal approach to everything he does…
MYLDE: I completely disagree. I think he’d be offended at the notion that he’s unlike his family. Bobby Jack is someone who prides himself on that lineage, on continuing in the footsteps of greatness.
OBERSTARR: I get what you’re saying, but you tell me you’ve seen anything like the look in Bobby Jack’s eyes when you look into Mark’s or Troy’s. As neatly packaged as this one is, there’s something unhinged about him. And the worst part is, he thinks he takes directions from GOD!
MYLDE: Well maybe he does? I don’t know! Who are we to doubt him?
(NLW Official opens the cage door for Windham, and climbs through the ropes into the ring, throwing an arm up to an unwelcoming crowd- throwing it up DESPITE them, one would say)
(The arena lights dim; “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC begins to play over the PA as blue and white lights flash at the entrance curtains before becoming a single strobelight. The strobe flashes quickly to keep pace with Angus’ scale notes. The crowd chants along- THUN-DAH! THUN-DAH! THUN-DAH!)
OBERSTARR: This is his big moment, Jimmy…
MYLDE: His big failure you mean.
(The crowd continues to chant. And just like that- BOOM! The chorus kicks in, EDDIE PATTON storms out! He rushes to either side of the railing, dressed in blue wrestling pants with yellow bolts on both sides, plus matching boots and wristbands)
OBERSTARR: Talk about a kid with a lot on the line here tonight. His honor, his pride…but he won’t admit it. He’ll tell you he just wants to wrestle. He just wants to light the arena up. And you know what, Jimmy? I don’t believe him for a SECOND. He wants to shut this cocky Texan up. He wants to erase the memory of what happened at the hands of Windham at the Golden Boy Grand Prix, despite his pyrrhic victory that night. His face, BLOODIED. His jaw, BROKEN. Not once, but twice Windham tied him up and beat him like an animal. And then to compound things, he cost him a shot to be the number one contender for Magnus’ title. No…Eddie Patton want this tonight. He wants to turn this place ELECTRIC!
MYLDE: Sorry, what? I was listening to Margaritaville on iPod.
(Cage door is opened for Patton, but instead he opts to climb to the top corner, looking over the crowd and leading them up to a standing ovation!)
OBERSTARR: Alright, both men are in their corners, let’s send it over to Siren for the introductions!
(CUTTO: SIREN with the microphone, both Windham and Patton in their respective corners)
SIREN: Ladies and gentleman…WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWELCOME TO THHHHHHHHHE MAIN EVENT! THEEEEEE FOLLOWING CONTESSSSSSSST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL, AND IS A STEEL!...STEEL!...STEEL CAGE MATCH! The only paths to victory are OVER the cage, THROUGH the door, standard pinfall, OR submission!
INNNNTRODUCING FIRST! TO MY LEFT!
(BIG BOOS as the camera closes in on Bobby Jack Windham, statue-like in his corner, arms crossed, one leg resting up on the second rope)
SIREN: He is the pride of SWEETWATER, TEXAS! Standing SIX FOOT SIX, he weighs in at TWOOOOO HUNDRED and FIFTY FIVE POUNDS! Bearer of the name WWWWWWINDHAM! BOBBY! JACK! WWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIINDHAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
(BOOS!)
SIREN: AND HIS OPPONENT!
(BIG CHEERS! Eddie Patton’s in his corner, full of energy, pacing back and forth, keeping his stare locked on Windham in the other corner)
SIREN: FROM GARY INDIANA! (CHEERS GETTING LOUDER!) STANDING FIVE FEET, ELEVEN INCHES! HE WEIGHS IN AT TWOOOO HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE POUNDSSSSS! THE GOLDEN BOY FINALIST! HE IZZZZZZ! ELLLLLLLLLLLLLECTRIC! EDDIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!
(Patton pumps his first forward, and the crowd works into a fever pitch!)
OBERSTARR: This is as BIG AS IT GETS, Jimmy! The biggest match in either man’s brief career! And you’d better BELIEVE this cage is gonna test their mettle!
(Windham calls over to Siren, motioning for her to approach him. He asks for the mic, and she obliges)
OBERSTARR: What now? It’s match time and he’s calling for the mic! Haven’t we heard enough from him?
(Patton throws his hands up , clearly frustrated with the stalling. He yells, “Come on!”)
WINDHAM: Now hold on a minute, Eddie. Ah got somethin’ ta say.
(BOOS!)
WINDHAM: (turns to the crowd) AND AH DON’T CARE IF YOU PEOPLE LIKE IT OR NOT! (back to Eddie) Y’see, Eddie, ah been doin’ a lot of thinkin’ lately. You ‘n me, we’re not so different. We’re not lahk the rest of these ATHEIST HEATHENS. Ah’m from Sweetwater, yer from Indiana- now that’s REAL America, Eddie. Where people still work hard fer their dollars ‘n practice traditional values. Y’know what tradition is in a place lahk THIS? It’s walkin’ to th’ family services office every first of th’ month to pick up their welfare check so they can fund their kid sister’s bi-racial abortion!
(SARCASTIC CHEERS!)
CROWD: “WE’RE-ON-WEL-FARE!” CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP
WINDHAM: SEE? They’re PROUD of it! They don’t got nothin’ in common with either of us. Th’ only reason they cheer fer you is cause they stand against me, and th’ only reason they stand against ME is because ah believe in JESUS CHRIST. (BOOS!) Now ah realize we’re both professionals, Eddie. We got this beef, and we’re ONE and ONE. These people would lahk nothin’ better than to see two decent, God-fearin’ men rip each other apart in a cage. These Romans, they don’t even need th’ lions, y’see? But th’ way ah see it… (pause) …is ah have one DOMINANT win over you. Not yer fault- ah’m a Windham boy, ‘n ah don’t think you fully comprehended that. You, on th’ other hand, have one bullcrap win over me; one in which mah own ego let you back into a match you had no business winnin’. That was mah fault. But you don’t really consider that a win, do you? (BOOS!)
(Eddie’s got his hands on his hips, looking down and curling his tongue over his gums in frustration)
CROWD: “F*CK-HIM-UP! F*CK-HIM-UP! F*CK-HIM-UP!”
WINDHAM: So th’ way ah see it...we already done found out who th’ better wrestler is. Everybody from mah Uncle Mark to mah Cousin Troy, even mah Cousin Kendall, has been tellin’ me ta go in there ‘n break you apart inside this steel cage. But ah prayed on this, ‘n you know what Jesus Christ told me, Eddie?
(Eddie sarcastically mouths “What?”)
WINDHAM: He told me ta have mercy on you, ta join hands with you, walk outta this cage, ‘n show EACH and EVERY ONE of these people that even in th’ Valley of the Shadow of Death, the HOLY SPIRIT is STILL ALIVE!
(BOOS!)
CROWD: “F*CK HIM UP, ED-DIE, F*CK HIM UP!” CLAP CLAP!
(Windham looks at Eddie Patton, hands him the mic)
PATTON: Just ring the damn bell!
(BIG POP!)
OBERSTARR: FINALLY! After all the waiting, the deliberating, the PONTIFICATING from one Bobby Jack Windham, these two are gonna settle the score inside a STEEL CAGE!
(SFX: Bell rings)
OBERSTARR: LOOK OUT! Bobby Jack just ambushed Patton from behind as he was handing the mic to Siren! Axehandle to the back! Another one! Windham throws Patton down into the corner, and is punishing him with stomps to the chest!
(Windham turns and taunts the crowd. “I’M DOING GOD’S WORK!” he yells)
OBERSTARR: Say what you want about the Windham kid, he is RELENTLESS, and he is VICIOUS!
MYLDE: Look, it’s no secret what you’re getting with Bobby Jack. You’re getting MARK, you’re getting TROY, you’re getting DECADES of purebred championship wrestling ability, except he’s YOUNGER, FASTER, and STRONGER than anything we’ve seen before. And what’s this kid got, huh? What did he ever learn living in Tumbleweed, Indiana that could’ve prepared him for this?
(SFX: Cage rattles)
OBERSTARR: And Windham just LAUNCHED Patton headfirst into the cage! Look at Windham taunting him with his foot! It looks like he’s headed for the cage door now, and indeed he is!
(Windham yells for the official to “OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” But on his way, Patton climbs to his feet and dives after one of Windham’s legs)
OBERSTARR: Doesn’t appear like he’s going to make it; Eddie desperately clings to that single leg, and reverses Windham towards the center of the ring. Leg trip, Windham’s down on the canvas, and PATTON drives an elbow into the knee! It wasn’t going to be that easy for the young Windham. As he’s shown time and again, Eddie Patton the most resilient man we have on our roster.
MYLDE: The cage TESTS resiliency, Oberstarr. If he’s really got a pair, we’ll know TONIGHT.
OBERSTARR: Indeed we will. Patton delivers a kick to the back of Windham’s knee. Seems a good strategy- weaken the legs of the big Texan to hinder his climbing ability. Patton brings Windham to his feet- SNAP SUPLEX! I tell ya, he’s not the biggest guy, but Patton is compact and powerful for a guy who barely makes heavyweight.
MYLDE: He’s gonna be spending a lot of energy performing moves like that on Bobby Jack Windham, a guy who, really, could’ve competed in the Monsters tournament OR the Golden Boy.
OBERSTARR: He’s going for the figure four now. Will he lock it on? Yes! Windham’s lower extremities being tested now! Will this slow him down later on in- OH NO! Windham just leaned forward and threw his fingers into the eyes of Patton! And now he’s out of that lock!
MYLDE: Windham’s so long, all he had to do was sit up and lean to perform a move like that, really. Next time Patton should choose his maneuver more wisely!
OBERSTARR: You call that a move? I call it BUSH LEAGUE.
MYLDE: Windham might welcome that comparison. You know he’s from Texas, right?
OBERSTARR: Bobby Jack’s got Patton up now. SPINNING BACK BODY DROP! You could hear the THUD as he landed! And now Windham’s regained control.
(Windham runs off the ropes, leaps, a drives a HEAD BUTT right into Patton’s ribcage)
OBERSTARR: Look at that! We haven’t seen that one from Windham yet.
MYLDE: Hey, this is the cage. The gloves come OFF.
OBERSTARR: Windham stands Patton up. Uh oh, he traps the head between the thighs, and this could be trouble for Patton!
(Windham lifts Patton up and DRIVES HIM INTO THE MAT for a POWERBOMB!)
OBERSTARR: THEY COULD HEAR THAT ALL THE WAY UP IN THE SECOND AND THIRD MEZZANINE!
MYLDE: How? Nobody’s sitting up there!
OBERSTARR: The wind came out of Eddie Patton after he was just PLANTED with that powerbomb, and now Windham starts his climb!
MYLDE: He’s tall; he’ll get to the top quick! Patton better hurry!
OBERSTARR: It’s going to be a challenge for Patton to recover quick enough! He’s coughing back to life, but Windham’s already at the top of the cage! This might be all she wrote!
MYLDE: Clichés aside, THIS MIGHT BE ALL SHE WROTE!
(Patton approaches the cage as Windham throws his second leg over the cage, beginning his descent to the floor. Just before he climbs out of range, Patton is at the top and reaches down to grab Windham’s hair)
OBERSTARR: LOOK AT THIS! PATTON HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE! WINDHAM’S NOT BUDGING, BUT PATTON’S NOT LETTING GO! HE’S LEANING OVER THE CAGE…NOW HE’S GOT WINDHAM IN A HEADLOCK! WINDHAM CLIMBS UP A LITTLE, AND PATTON’S TRYING FOR THE SUPLEX! CAN HE GET IT?
MYLDE: No way in hell does he get this. There’s not enough power in those arms, Oberstarr.
OBERSTARR: Patton’s pulling with all his might, but now Windham wraps up HIS head and they’re BOTH looking for the suplex! WINDHAM WANTS TO SUPLEX HIM TO THE FLOOR! IS HE NUTS?! IT’D BE A DRAW!
MYLDE: Come on kid, throw him forward and climb down!
OBERSTARR: PATTON’S UP! HE’S GONNA KILL HIM, JIMMY!
CROWD: “UUURRRAAAAHHHH!”
OBERSTARR: PATTON WRAPS HIS FEET BETWEEN THE CAGE, AND HE RENEWS HIS PULL! COULD WINDHAM BE GOING OVER THE OTHER WAY? IF WINDHAM GETS SUPLEXED INTO THE RING, HE’LL BE OUT COLD! MAYBE EVEN PATTON TOO!
(Windham resists until the pull is neutral, climbs up, and throws a leg back over the top of the cage in order to avoid the suplex)
OBERSTARR: Windham backtracking a little. This might be the smart move, to avoid total obliteration via suplex. Both men straddling the top of the cage now; Windham with a right, Patton with a left! Windham rakes the face! But Patton grabs his hair and delivers a BIG left hand! Windham looks like he’s gonna fall! He grabs Patton!
CROWD: “OOOOOOOH!”
OBERSTARR: AND THEY BOTH FALL BETWEEN THE ROPES AND THE CAGE!
MYLDE: That was a damn close call for Patton. He’s lucky to still be in this match!
OBERSTARR: Both men slow to get up, but it looks like Patton’s going to make it to his feet first! The cage door opens, AND PATTON’S LOOKING TO WALK OUT!
(CROWD EXCITEMENT!)
MYLDE: Come on Bobby Jack, do your family proud! Sh*tcan this scrub and end the show!
OBERSTARR: Windham grabs Patton from behind! Full Nelson! Patton’s on the other side of the ropes, but Windham holds on! Look at this! Windham just RAGDOLLED Patton over the ropes, holding onto that Full Nelson- OHHHH! FULL NELSON SLAM!
MYLDE: Lights out, baby!
OBERSTARR: Now it’s WINDHAM who makes toward the door! But Patton grabs him by the ankle!
(Windham turns, KICKS Patton in the mouth!)
(BOOS!)
MYLDE: Serves the little bastard right!
OBERSTARR: That’s the name of the game here in the cage! Eye raking, fingers in the eye, kicks to the mouth. I can’t say I like it, but the cage brings the worst out of people, and in the case of Bobby Jack Windham we’re seeing that! Now he’s got Patton up by the hair…here we go!
(SFX: Cage rattles)
CROWD: “OOOOOH!”
OBERSTARR: HE JUST RAN PATTON HEAD FIRST INTO THE CAGE! HE’S GOT HIM UP AGAIN! HERE WE GOOOOO!
(SFX: Cage rattles)
CROWD: “OOOOOOH!”
OBERSTARR: RAN HIM INTO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CAGE! HEAD FIRST! PATTON CAN BARELY STAND, AND WINDHAM’S CALLING FOR SWEETWATER DREAMS! IRISH WHIP!
(Patton comes off the ropes but collapses to his knees as Windham winds up for the clothesline from Hell)
OBERSTARR: And perhaps his weakened state just saved him from being put away!
WINDHAM: (to the crowd) Look at him! He can’t even stand!
OBERSTARR: Patton now bleeding from the forehead as a result of getting thrown into the cage. And Windham calls for the finish AGAIN! IRISH WHIP! NO! PATTON DUCKS UNDER AND CRADLES HIM FROM BEHIND! ONE! TWOOOOOO! HE GOT- NO HE DIDN’T! HE DIDN’T GET HIM! TWO COUNT ONLY!
MYLDE: The match ain’t gonna end on bullcrap like that! This is pay-per-view, baby! You’ve gotta win BIG!
OBERSTARR: You take what you can get in the cage- the most BRUTAL match in professional wrestling, make no mistake! You can introduce tables, chairs, glass, fire, scaffolds, whatever you want. But that 20 ft steel structure remains, after decades, the most intimidating, draining, spirit-breaking specialty in professional wrestling, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise!
MYLDE: Oh I believe it.
OBERSTARR: A lot of great careers have ended inside the cage, and win or lose, this match is going to change both men for better or worse! Windham grabs Patton by the head and KNEES him back down! Now he’s got his legs…he’s going for some kind of…oh boy! He’s got him in a Texas Cloverleaf, Jimmy!
MYLDE: Talk about brutal…
OBERSTARR: Windham’s depleting Patton’s gas tank little by little, but this could very well end the match! LOOK AT PATTON! YELLING! BLEEDING FROM THE FOREHEAD! REACHING FOR SOMETHING…ANYTHING! BUT NO ROPES ARE WITHIN GRASP!
WINDHAM: GIVE UP YOU SUNUVAB*TCH! GIVE UP!
PATTON: ARRGGHHH! GO TO HELL!
CROWD: (clapping) “ED-DIE! ED-DIE! ED-DIE!”
OBERSTARR: Referee asking Patton what he wants to do, but he’s not giving up! He’s looking for an escape! The audience is willing him to do it! Windham’s really cinching in!
MYLDE: He’s gonna quit, Ober-wan, I can FEEL IT!
(CLOSEUP on Patton’s face as he yells, blood pouring from his head!)
OBERSTARR: Patton’s in total agony! He’s being tested like never before in his young career! WAIT A SECOND, WINDHAM RELEASED THE HOLD!
MYLDE: Come on, Bobby Jack!
OBERSTARR: Clearly he was frustrated at Patton’s refusal to quit. Maybe the smarter move would’ve been to hold on and wear him out.
MYLDE: You’re damn right it would’ve been! Windham just made a big time rookie mistake. He really needs me in his corner, Oberstarr. I could take this kid to THE TOP!
OBERSTARR: When was the last time you managed a champion?
MYLDE: 1992, Nicky Quartermaker. It was a good year.
OBERSTARR: Windham’s climbing the cage now! Patton slow to get up, and even slower to the cage! That cloverleaf really did a number on him, and maybe even his aerial abilities have been reduced! Windham…CLIMBING! Almost to the top! Patton climbs after him and grabs his right leg! Windham trying to shake him, no luck whatsoever!
MYLDE: Look, he’s using one hand to hammerfist the crap out of Patton! I’m loving the ingenuity here!
OBERSTARR: PATTON LEAPS DOWN AND PULLS WINDHAM ONTO THE ROPES! WINDHAM DOUBLES OVER! AND NOW IT’S EDDIE PATTON WHO STARTS TO CLIMB!
MYLDE: Shake it off, Bobby Jack! You can’t let a nobody, “nothin’ happenin’” small town Indiana loser get the best of you! YOU’RE A WINDHAM, G*DDAMN IT!
OBERSTARR: Patton looks down and sees Windham on his feet! He gives up the climb and leaps at Windham, but he gets caught! WINDHAM! OOOOH MY! SPINEBUSTER!
MYLDE: YAHTZE! THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT! It’s over, Oberstarr! He’s gonna writhe on that mat like a WORM, piss his pants, and Bobby Jack’s going to take this victory now!
OBERSTARR: Indeed, Bobby Jack starts the climb again! And maybe Patton’s body just can’t take any more, because he hasn’t gotten up. Windham’s hit several high impact power moves on him, thrown him into the cage, reared back on a Texas Cloverleaf, and…well, how much more can you expect a man to take? Especially Patton who is at a considerable size disadvantage against the young Windham.
MYLDE: You said it.
OBERSTARR: Speaking of which, Bobby Jack’s at the top of the cage, and Patton’s only beginning to get up now! It’s not looking good for Patton that he’ll be able to stop Windham from landing, unless he can get out the door!
(Patton gets to his feet and sprints up the cage to catch up to Windham, who is already on his way down)
OBERSTARR: Patton has his second wind, but it may be too late!
MYLDE: He should’ve opted for the door.
OBERSTARR: Patton is now over the cage and descending, but Windham’s further down. Patton grabs the hair and starts pulling him up, but will that stop him? Windham climbs up a little and hits Patton with shots to the kidneys and liver! Both men are so close, but if Windham can get that grip loosened he could very well win it in just a few moments!
(All of a sudden, ‘DANGEROUS’ DUKE MACKEY shows up at cageside, followed by ELI SCHEINBERG)
MYLDE: Hey, what the hell are they doing out here?
OBERSTARR: Duke Mackey and Eli Scheinberg have come out of the locker room, and…it appears they’re cheering on Eddie Patton! Can you believe that? HERE COMES WANDERLUST! AND GRAVENDER! WANDERLUST CALLS FOR WINDHAM TO WIN IT! BOTH MEN JUST HAMMERING AWAY AT EACH OTHER, NOW SIDE TO SIDE ON THE CAGE AS MEMBERS OF THE LOCKER ROOM ARE POURING OUT!
MYLDE: Will somebody get these retards away from the cage, please? Thank you! I’ve gotta be the only one here with an ounce of professionalism.
OBERSTARR: MAGNUS IS OUT! ZESTY IS OUT! NOW IMPULSE IS OUT! WAIT A SECOND…WANDERLUST IS ATTEMPTING TO CLIMB THE CAGE! MAGNUS PULLS HIM DOWN, AND NOW WE’VE GOT A BRAWL ON OUR HANDS!
CROWD: “UUUURRRAAAAAAAHHHHH!”
(The crowd becomes unsettled, thinking there may be some BS interference in the finish of the match. A few rowdy fans jump the guardrails, catching the attention of Mackey and Impulse who begin to push them back. A few turns into a dozen, turns into 18 or 20, and now fans begin to climb the cage!)
OBERSTARR: WE’VE GOT A RIOT ON OUR HANDS! BOBBY JACK’S ALREADY CLIMBING BACK UP, SO IS PATTON! Where the HELL is security?!
MYLDE: Hey, I didn’t sign up for this! I’m three seconds away from walking out!
OBERSTARR: It looks like…10, 12 fans maybe, are climbing the cage, shaking it! Magnus is pulling them down one at a time, but more follow! Gravender’s doing his best, and here comes security! We have security officer’s climbing the cage after unruly fans! THIS HAS TURNED INTO COMPLETE CHAOS!
MYLDE: Windham and Patton are completely spooked. You see that? They’re back in the ring, they’re not even looking at each other! They’re kicking the cage trying to get the fans down!
(SFX: Headset drops)
(Close to a dozen fans are on the cage, simultaneously shaking it, trying to bring the thing down. RA Palazzo storms out of the back, and Siren hands him the microphone)
RA PALAZZO: Please DO NOT climb the cage! I repeat: DO NOT climb the cage! HEY! DON’T CLIMB THE G*DDAMN CAGE! The show WILL NOT continue if you don’t get down from the cage!
(Palazzo can be heard off mic saying, “Jimmy, Jimmy! Don’t leave. Tell Brian more security’s coming. … TELL BRIAN MORE SECURITY’S COMING! … F*ck, man.”)
(Slowly, fans begin to drop from the cage, or are pulled down. Brawls are erupting throughout the audience, and the wrestlers are physically apprehending fans along with security)
RA PALAZZO: Guys, get the F*CK away from them! Are you nuts? Let security do it! ATTENTION EVERYBODY: if you do not return to your seats, you WILL BE arrested! There will be NO refunds for leaving, or for otherwise being escorted out. This is your last chance. Return to your seats. Please.
(SFX: Headset gets picked back up)
OBERSTARR: If you’re still with us, we thank you for being patient. It looks like everything’s starting to settle down. I don’t think RA’s too pleased with the boys right now. A few of them became overzealous and decided to cheer on their friends at ringside. The fans took it the wrong way, and what you saw was the result.
MYLDE: Wanderlust should be fired for climbing the cage. Buncha drunken retards we have working for us. And look at Zesty: he’s another drunken retard.
(CUTTO: Zesty sitting down Indian style, head bleeding, looking sad as he drinks bourbon out of one hand, Coke out of the other)
OBERSTARR: Windham goes right back after Patton! Clobbering him with big axehandles! Here we go! ANOTHER POWERBOMB! NO! HURRICANRANA! HURRICANRANA FROM PATTON!
ONE!
TWOOOOO
THREEEEE! NO! NO! HE DIDN’T GET HIM!
MYLDE: Christ, that was close!
OBERSTARR: The hurricanrana was enough to get Windham last time, but he was able to kick out tonight! Patton on hands and knees, crawling to his feet, exhausted. Windham delivers a BIG kick to his stomach, sending the wind right out of him!
WINDHAM: COME ON, BOY! AH KNOW YOU GOT MORE LEFT THAN THAT!
OBERSTARR: Vicious taunts from Bobby Jack Windham. Now he sets him up for the Irish Whip. SWEETWATER DREAMS! NO! PATTON BASEBALL SLIDES UNDERNEARTH, GETS RIGHT BACK UP! KICK TO THE MIDSECTION OF WINDHAM! FACEBUSTER!
(BIG CHEERS!)
MYLDE: Where the hell did he get the energy for THAT?!
OBERSTARR: He must’ve dug real deep! Patton’s heaving, clearly taxed from that burst of energy! Now he crawls to the cage door! The official has it open! Wait, here comes Windham! He DRAGS Patton away from the door and walks toward it himself! But here’s Patton! DROPKICKS WINDHAM CHEST FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLES! ROLLUP FROM BEHIND! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! PATTON STORMS TO THE DOOR, BUT WINDHAM’S BACK UP AND PULLS HIS LEGS OUT FROM UNDER HIM! HE STEPS OVER FOR A CROSSFACE…PATTON ROLLS OVER ON HIM AND REVERSES!
(BIG CHEERS!)
OBERSTARR: PATTON’S FIRING AWAY WITH LEFT HANDS TO WINDHAM, ONE AFTER THE OTHER! HE’S UNRELENTING! ALL THAT FRUSTRATION TOWARDS WINDHAM OVER THE LAST YEAR IS BEING UNLEASHED BEFORE OUR EYES!
MYLDE: This kid needs anger management, Oberstarr! He better focus more on winning the match than slapping around the Windham kid for cheap thrills!
OBERSTARR: It’s a momentum changer! Patton is taking back the upper hand- and now WINDHAM is split open! Finally, he bleeds! Patton has him up now, and whips him into the ropes. He goes for the dropkick, but MISSES as Windham holds onto the ropes! WINDHAM RUNS FORWARD FOR A SWEETWATER DREAMS! MISSES! PATTON UP FOR A HURRICANRANA!
CROWD: OOOOOOH!
OBERSTARR: And gets PLANTED with a sitout powerbomb! Here’s the referee for the count!
ONE!
TWOOOOO!
THREEEEEEE!!!
NO! NO! NO! HE KICKED OUT! WINDHAM IS FURIOUS! HE CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
MYLDE: Neither can I! That was three! I’m calling for instant reply!
OBERSTARR: Windham’s got referee Mark Ellison by the collar, and THROWS HIM to the ground! He’s out of his MIND!
MYLDE: And I don’t blame him! I say kick BOTH their asses!
OBERSTARR: Windham kicks Patton violently to the face, taunting him some more! Now he’s got him by the legs…here we go! Déjà vu all over again! He’s hooking him into the turnbuckles for the tree of woe!
MYLDE: There ya go!
OBERSTARR: He’s got him locked in! This could be all! He could go for the door, or for the climb, or brutalize him en route to a pinfall!
(Windham turns around with Patton locked into the tree of woe, and yells out to Siren at ringside)
WINDHAM: (screaming out of his mind!) GET ME MY MICROPHONE YOU STUPID B*TCH!!!!!!!!
OBERSTARR: Patton unhooks himself! He must’ve learned a thing or two from past experience! WINDHAM!
MYLDE: TURN AROUND!
(Patton LEAPS sideways onto Windham!)
OBERSTARR: And Patton locks on a crucifix…Windham’s still standing! It’s a standing crucifix! He’s trying to bring him backwards for the pin, but Windham’s resisting with all his might!
MYLDE: W-W-J-D, BOBBY JACK! NO…FORGET THAT! WHAT WOULD TROY DO!
OBERSTARR: Windham’s stumbling backwards! THEY FALL INTO THE ROPES! THERE’S NO PIN, BUT PATTON’S HANGING ON! WAIT A MINUTE!
(Patton keeps Windham locked in the crucifix while pulling the top rope down with his free arm to transfer the crucifix to the ropes)
OBERSTARR: HE’S GOT HIM STUCK IN THE ROPES! BOBBY JACK’S CRUCIFIED IN THE ROPES!
MYLDE: NO!
OBERSTARR: YES! PATTON CRAWLS OUT…
(Patton stumbles out, tilts his head to take stock of Windham’s predicament, and looks around for his next move)
OBERSTARR: IS HE GONNA WALK OUT? CLIMB OUT? MAYBE HE’LL PULVERIZE THE HELL OUT OF BOBBY JACK! GOD KNOWS HE DESERVES IT!
(Windham struggles wildly to no avail!)
OBERSTARR: HE’S CLIMBING! PATTON IS GOING TO CLIMB OUT!
(PAN-OUT from the ring for a bird’s eye view of Windham caught in the ropes, Patton climbing the cage)
(Back to regular view)
OBERSTARR: PATTON’S MADE IT OVER THE CAGE! HE’S JUST GOTTA CLIMB DOWN! WINDHAM’S BUCKING LIKE A WILD HORSE, BUT HE’S STILL CAUGHT!
MYLDE: GET OUT AND RUN TO THE DOOR, WINDHAM! YOU HEAR ME?!
OBERSTARR: HE’S GONNA DO IT! HE’S GONNA DO IT! PATTON LOOKING TO JUMP!
(CROWD POPS BIG!)
(SFX: Bell rings furiously)
OBERSTARR: HE DID IT! EDDIE PATTON’S WON THE MATCH!
(CUEUP: “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC)
SIREN: HERE IS YOUR WINNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR! EDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Patton falls to his knees on the outside, but Mackey and Impulse are there to help him up. They start leading him to the locker room, but he stops to throw up his hands in celebration to the crowd!)
OBERSTARR: I’ve never seen anything like this! Hartford’s about to EXPLODE! Against all odds, Patton came back from certain defeat to win the match in epic fashion!
MYLDE: In all my years calling the action, being involved in this business, nothing has come close to the complete ANARCHY this place erupted into moments ago. Can’t say I enjoyed it…
OBERSTARR: But it was a great match, wasn’t it?
MYLDE: Well yeah, if you’re into watching blue chips like Bobby Jack Windham take bad losses. Me? I come from a simpler time, when men were men, and Windhams were Windhams, and they didn’t lose. Now you got kids like…what’s his name? Patton?
OBERSTARR: Eddie Patton.
MYLDE: Yeah, Eddie Patton. I don’t know about that guy.
OBERSTARR: Patton just showed the WORLD who he is, taking 2 out of 3 with Windham, winning in the main event of our very first pay-per-view, and establishing himself as a top contender to Magnus’ World Open Weight Title. No matter the odds, Patton always finds a way to get it done. And maybe he can succeed where others have failed with the big monster.
MYLDE: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
OBERSTARR: In any event, we hope you enjoyed tonight’s event. A champion was crowned, a contender was found, and a major score was settled before an unruly audience. All in all, I’d say it was a pretty good night.
MYLDE: Speak for yourself. My ass hurts. Can we sign off now?
OBERSTARR: Absolutely. For Jimmy Mylde, I’m Brian Oberstarr. We’ll see you at Vulgar!
(MONTAGE: Brock Alyas making his entrance; Alyas clotheslining Hendo; Alyas raising his arms in victory; Lumberjacks throwing Arcangel back in the ring; Arcangel getting the pinfall over Mackey; Canyeta making his escape; Zesty drinking on his way to the ring; Zesty scoring the pinfall over Gravender; Impulse hitting SUDDEN IMPACT on Magnus; Magnus hitting Impulse with the Destructo Bomb; Destructo holding up the World Open Weight Title; Eddie Patton and Bobby Jack Windham staring across at one another; Bobby Jack powerbombing Patton; the crowd erupting into chaos, climbing the cage; Patton climbing down for the victory)
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