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Eli Scheinberg Story, Part 1: “What the hell are those things?”

Throbbin Wood

League Member
Dec 5, 2009
Eli Scheinberg Story, Part 1: “What the hell are those things?”

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Somewhere in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, beneath the diverse community and close to the Orthodox Jewish neighbourhoods, a young Englishman settled into his new home. On a Sunday afternoon, he did light training at a nearby wrestling gym to prepare for his life in Next Level Wrestling. Wearing a blue and white tracksuit, he did light jump rope work next to a ring in the middle of the gym. He felt himself tire out a bit, tossing the jump rope off to the side. He looked around the empty space when a hand was placed on his right shoulder.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]???: “You really are a lazy boy. You're gonna be out of shape if you train like this,” said the old man. He was short, wearing a white shirt and black sweatpants. He had a red yamaka on top of his grey hair, a protruding nose hanging off his face. He spoke with a nasally Brooklyn accent. “Listen Eli, the promotion sent some broad over here to get your story.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “My story, Mordy? I just signed with the bloody promotion - what, yesterday? I'm a 21 year old Jew from Manchester, UK. What else do they want to know?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “What, you don't want the publicity?” Mordy took his hand back and stepped away from him. “They sent this lady over here.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “No, I like the publicity. It's just that I can't be ****ed with an interview right now.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “Language, boy. Your wife and your mother want you to clean up your language and you should do so for the interview you're about to give. She's gonna be in here any second. She's in the bathroom right now.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “I'm not doing a ****ing interview, Mordy.” He scratched his bushy hair and started walking in circles. “What the hell is this interview for? A newspaper? Is she with the promotion? A newsletter? Website? TV show? What's the deal?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “She's with the promotion. Here she is, she's walking over here right now. Turn around boy and quit being so moody. She has a camera person with her and all the Jewish daughters across Long Island want you smiling and happy.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “I haven't done anything yet. Seriously, I just sign with the promotion yesterday and now they have some reporter in my face?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli turned around and saw the lady and cameraman. The cameraman was fiddling with his equipment, but it's the reporter that caught him off guard. His eyebrows went up in a “what the hell is this?” manner. She was a busty redhead with big lips and freakish jugs. She was wearing a black leather trench coat that was opened up, tight denim blue jeans, and a white tank top that looked a little too small. Young Eli couldn't help but freeze up in shock. He was both appalled, but a little curious as to how those things felt.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “Mordy, what the hell is this,” he mumbled. “Look at those things. Oy... What a freak...”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: He nudged Eli. “Be nice.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]???: “Hello,” the redhead offered her hand. “I'm Strawberry B-tch with NLW.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: He turned to Mordy. “You hear that? You tell me to clean my language up and the lady's name is 'Strawberry [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]B-tch[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif].' 'Strawberry [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]B-tch[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]?' You mind if I ask where you got that name?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Strawberry B-tch: “Haha...” She batted her eyes a bit. “I'm named after a famous World War II plane.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “What do you mean? That was a plane? Strawberry B-tch was a plane? They could get away with that?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “Oh hush Eli, just do the interview. If they called a plane the 'Enola Gay' then...”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “Yeah but 'gay' meant 'happy' back then.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “And 'b-tch is a female dog. You're doing it again, Eli. You're going on about nothing. Just do the interview for the young lady, please?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Strawberry B-tch: “It won't be too painful,” she teased. “I won't bite.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli sighed and stepped towards her. Mordy moved over to the side and away from the shot. StrB-TCH had a smile, but the cameraman was taking quite awhile to configure his camera. Eli crossed his arms and continued to look impatient, ruining StrB-TCH's mood as well and the smile faded from her face.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “So... ugh... Did your pimp give you that name, is that your stripper name, or what?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “Eli!”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “What?!” He opened his arms out, smirking and having a laugh towards Mordy. “****ing cameraman over here is acting like he's never seen a camera before and I keep thinking about it.” He turned back to Strawberry. She's short, so while looking down, he ended up asking his question to her silly chesticles. “Seriously, what's the deal?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Strawberry B-tch: “Um...” She pulled her coat over her chest.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “Oh, now you cover those things up? Why get 'em in the first place? And what was the promotion thinking? Get some lass with spaceship jugs to interview a bunch of horned up men who walk around with their shirts off... That's gonna end well.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Strawberry B-tch: “Screw you, jerk. I'm not doing this...”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]She started to storm off. Mordy rushed up to Eli and grabbed him by the shoulder.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “Come back, he means well!” Turning to Eli, he gritted his teeth. “What are you doing?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “I'm sorry. I don't know if I'm comfortable giving interviews with Tits McGee. My wife hates this job already. Come on Mordy, you gotta admit, those things are ****ing silly.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “Ok, so she dresses and looks like a prostitute, but she seemed nice enough. You can't always judge people on looks. Maybe she's gone through tough times, confidence issues and the like, and having a blown-up chest makes her feel better? Ya gotta think about these things, Eli. You need to treat people with respect.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The cameraman had already followed Strawberry out of the gym. Eli, with hands on his hips, was staring away from Mordy, thinking about the advice.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “I'm sorry... I'm just a little moody right now.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “You're always moody, and you're the most petulant boy I've ever seen in this gym. If you didn't have the talent, I'd have tossed you outta here.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “On the bright side, at least my wife won't turn the telly on and see me standing next to that. How am I suppose to raise a family when my kids could see daddy standing next to that?”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “You're in the wrong business if you're worried about what message you send to your kids,” he laughed. “Your wife's not the jealous type. If anything, she'd get disgusted over the way you treated that lady.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “Eh... Yeah, you're right.” He turned around and started towards the exit. “I'm out of here.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “All you did was jump rope and a few push-ups!”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: “We gotta few weeks, Mordy, calm down. I'm starving anyway, and I can't work out on an empty stomach. I need some McDonald's.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: “McDonald's?!” He nearly fainted. “You can't get into shape eating McDonald's! Even worse – it's not kosher!”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Eli Scheinberg: He stopped in his tracks. “Oh... Oh yeah... Huh...”[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy watched in disbelief as Eli made the rest of his way out the door, unconcerned about his McDonald's diet.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Mordy: He sighed. “Talented kid, but he's not gonna make it easy for me, is he?”[/FONT]

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