ShawnHartXXX
The Phenom
(The following is an open letter from the desk of 'The Phenom' Shawn Hart, paid for and distributed by the Shawn Hart Foundation for Children...)
To whom it may concern:
As the WFW forges courageously ahead in these dark, dreary times... uncertainty looming around each and every corner, there's but one thing the masses have come to depend on. One shining ray of brilliance remains, leading the way through the smog of modern society, instilling hope and good will into each and every person he touches. That shining ray of brilliance... is Shawn Hart.
Shawn Hart is a god amongst man, a flower amongst weeds. He's the Super Mario in a country chalk full of Luigis. And with all the JACKHOLES running around today, vying desperately for your vote in the upcoming WFW Presidential Election, it is of the utmost importance that everybody takes a step back... and realizes the jiggy freshness that stands before them. Waste not your votes on men that lack integrity, when you cast your ballot, make it count... vote for me, vote for the Phenom!
When you hit the polls September 10th, It is my wish that you do so with the ability to make an informed decision. Smear campaigns are running rampant, mud is being slung left and right by other candidates in the race, discerning fact from fiction has become all but impossible. That being said, I, Shawn Hart, feel that it is my duty as a man to bring you, the people, some honesty! I am a fair and impartial man and, as such, I've comprised a list of helpful factoids about ALL of the men running in this election. Knowing your candidates is crucial in making a choice you can hang your hat on, so in the best interests of democracy, here's some information to assist you all in your decision-making process.
FACT: Shawn Hart volunteers at local homeless shelters every holiday season, serving food and passing out gifts to those less fortunate than he.
FACT: Rat Fink lives with his mother in a one-bedroom apartment in Duluth, Minnesota
FACT: Before becoming a professional wrestler, the Phenom studied music at Juilliard, criminal law at Harvard, and marine biology at Stanford.
FACT: Luster is president of the Andrew Dice Clay Fan Club.
FACT: Every Father's Day, Shawn Hart gives his dad a shiny new tie and a delicious assortment of exotic cheese.
FACT: In his advancing years, Scotty Michaels relies on Ener-X to enhace his love-making experience.
FACT: Using his god-given graces, the C.O.C.K.S. head has deeply touched the being of countless women around the world.
FACT: Richard Gideon and Alex Wylde are swell guys and share a unique closeness backstage. And when I say close, I mean CLOSE...
FACT: In addition to being a WFW Champion, eWu Champion, CWWF Champion, CWWF U.S. Champion, IWF Entertainment Champion, IWF Eastern Champion, and an IWF Tag Team Champion, one of Hart's many in-ring highlights came on WWL pay-per-view, when he captured the WWL's Television title.
FACT: Copycat, who wets his bed frequently, lost his WWL Television title on pay-per-view after being beaten mercilessly by Shawn Hart.
FACT: The only logical choice in the election for World's Finest Wrestling's presidency is SHAWN HART!
So there you have it, the facts have been laid out. You, the voting public know what's at stake. Go now to the polls and do what needs to be done! Vote for Shawn Hart! Goodbye, God bless, and buy my t-shirts!!
-Shawn J. Hart, Esquire
To whom it may concern:
As the WFW forges courageously ahead in these dark, dreary times... uncertainty looming around each and every corner, there's but one thing the masses have come to depend on. One shining ray of brilliance remains, leading the way through the smog of modern society, instilling hope and good will into each and every person he touches. That shining ray of brilliance... is Shawn Hart.
Shawn Hart is a god amongst man, a flower amongst weeds. He's the Super Mario in a country chalk full of Luigis. And with all the JACKHOLES running around today, vying desperately for your vote in the upcoming WFW Presidential Election, it is of the utmost importance that everybody takes a step back... and realizes the jiggy freshness that stands before them. Waste not your votes on men that lack integrity, when you cast your ballot, make it count... vote for me, vote for the Phenom!
When you hit the polls September 10th, It is my wish that you do so with the ability to make an informed decision. Smear campaigns are running rampant, mud is being slung left and right by other candidates in the race, discerning fact from fiction has become all but impossible. That being said, I, Shawn Hart, feel that it is my duty as a man to bring you, the people, some honesty! I am a fair and impartial man and, as such, I've comprised a list of helpful factoids about ALL of the men running in this election. Knowing your candidates is crucial in making a choice you can hang your hat on, so in the best interests of democracy, here's some information to assist you all in your decision-making process.
FACT: Shawn Hart volunteers at local homeless shelters every holiday season, serving food and passing out gifts to those less fortunate than he.
FACT: Rat Fink lives with his mother in a one-bedroom apartment in Duluth, Minnesota
FACT: Before becoming a professional wrestler, the Phenom studied music at Juilliard, criminal law at Harvard, and marine biology at Stanford.
FACT: Luster is president of the Andrew Dice Clay Fan Club.
FACT: Every Father's Day, Shawn Hart gives his dad a shiny new tie and a delicious assortment of exotic cheese.
FACT: In his advancing years, Scotty Michaels relies on Ener-X to enhace his love-making experience.
FACT: Using his god-given graces, the C.O.C.K.S. head has deeply touched the being of countless women around the world.
FACT: Richard Gideon and Alex Wylde are swell guys and share a unique closeness backstage. And when I say close, I mean CLOSE...
FACT: In addition to being a WFW Champion, eWu Champion, CWWF Champion, CWWF U.S. Champion, IWF Entertainment Champion, IWF Eastern Champion, and an IWF Tag Team Champion, one of Hart's many in-ring highlights came on WWL pay-per-view, when he captured the WWL's Television title.
FACT: Copycat, who wets his bed frequently, lost his WWL Television title on pay-per-view after being beaten mercilessly by Shawn Hart.
FACT: The only logical choice in the election for World's Finest Wrestling's presidency is SHAWN HART!
So there you have it, the facts have been laid out. You, the voting public know what's at stake. Go now to the polls and do what needs to be done! Vote for Shawn Hart! Goodbye, God bless, and buy my t-shirts!!
-Shawn J. Hart, Esquire