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Don't Mess With Texas

GreggG

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Joined
Jan 1, 2000
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(CUT TO: The WFW Great Expectations Banner in a locker room. Standing in front, in his black tuxedo with gold fringe trim, swinging his tennis racket, is CALVIN CARLTON, holding the Texan flag.)

CALVIN: I TOLD YOU ALL! I TOLD YOU ALL! HAAA! (Calvin starts jumping up and down.) I told each and every single one of you idiots at home that my boys, The Original Showstoppers, were going to begin their ascent to greatness! To immortality! And none of you, none of you believed me! You all thought I was this pipspeak wimp who belonged in the NFW. Well, let me tell you something... the NFW, which I dominated, is a REAL promotion. Not like this joke of a BUSH LEAGUE. This league is going to crumble at my feet. But first, right now... it's a CELEBRATION! (Turns off camera.) HEY! YEAH YOU! YOU LITTLE MAGGOT! PLAY THE CD I GAVE YOU! DO IT NOW! WHAT ARE YOU, A RETARD? OR ARE YOU JUST POOR? GOOD!

("Draggin' The Line" by Tommy James cues up. Calvin, cackling, lays the Texan flag on the floor.)

CALVIN: I always said the only good thing to come from Texas is my momma's best friend Laura Bush... and the only thing a Texan is good for is to dig a ditch! Well, now I'll show you what a Texan flag is good for!

(From off-screen, in perfect synchronicity, comes "FABULOUS" FRANKIE FARGO and "THE NEW AMERICAN STUD" BRANDON MUELLER doing The Fargo Strut. Both are shirtless and they begin to do the Strut on top of the Texan Flag, dragging their boots across it as Calvin laughs. Mueller then picks up the flag and wipes his armpits with it. Fargo then starts fiddling with something in his boots -- a lighter -- and then lights up the Texan flag as the three of them hoot and holler.)
 

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