Cyberstrike 02 RP Feedback

[TheOriginalSE]

Every cycle I will give my feedback on the RPs that were posted. These will usually be 1-2 sentences on anything that particularly struck me .. whether it was something I liked, something that I felt just didn't click. It is meant to give you a little insight into my judging.

You can feel free to post your own feedback in this thread as well, but please be constructive.

Please note that I do not read any RPs until after the deadline is over and I read them all at the same time so I have a general idea of what might be given a 70, or a 65, or a 62 .. so on and so forth. I will not post the scores themselves, but each week I will announce what was the Roleplay of the Week.

1. Stacy Jones: I liked this roleplay much more than last week's. It offered a good split between character development and relevancy. The only thing I caught that was a potential downside was that you put "Thursday I'll show them all what I'm made of" (or something to that effect). Cyberstrike technically took place on a Tuesday, even though results were released the morning after. Either way, good job.

2. Michael Montgomery: Your character came off much more clearly this time. I could sense the arrogance. I liked how you tried to turn the DQ into a victory. More time could have been spent on the First, but I did like the RP.

3. Cameron Cruise: Infinitely more cohesive than last week. You managed to touch on other things going on in the promotion without the RP feeling scattered. If there's one suggestion I could make, though - there's still a lot of reference to outside leagues and outside happenings.

4. Mr. Entertainment: Another gem. The Zombie Warrick had me actually laughing out loud. I applaud you for putting up a great RP considering that you had very little to go off of background-wise on Fanatic. This match won the "most-difficult to judge" award this week, heh.

5. The First: I ... loved this RP. Out of all the RPs this week, this one to me seemed the most "real." I could picture it. The connecting images of the cards, what they mean, and how it applied to the match appealed to the lawyer in me, LOL. Great job.

6. Chaos: You guys were another match that was really close .. and I hope I did the character right even with the end result. I could really follow Chaos' line of reasoning. It flowed well. Hopefully you feel better enough to come back next show with more of what you put up this week. Good job.

7. Fanatic: As I said for Mr. E, you guys won the award for "match that I had to sleep on." Part of the reason I put up results in the morning is because sometimes after my first readings of RPs the scores are tied or extremely close. I loved the fact that Tact spent most of the promo talking. The story flowed well and by the end of the promo I was pumped (or if I were an actual fan, I would be pumped) to see what Fanatic would do in the ring.

8. Shawn Hart: Humor and relevancy. I was worried at first that I'd open the thread and find ONLY a poll, but thankfully what was written was well-thought out and Hart-esque.

9. Jonathan Marx: You are great at bringing in contemporary issues with you roleplays. Sorry you didn't have much to work with (again). That's been solved for C03.

RP of the Week: "What the Future Holds" by the First

 

[TheOriginalSE]

Re: Cyberstrike 02 Feedback

* First Feedback

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1. Stacy Jones: I liked the character a lot in this Rp, but I kind of felt like New ERA being the villain...I don't know if I felt that as much, Stacy's listed as a heel, and struggling with sexism and all that it entails seems more like a face issue to me, still a strong promo.

2. Michael Montgomery: A good promo, I liked his take on his match and who he is.

3. Cameron Cruise: I do like the history he seems to have with everyone, I'd just try not to bring up other companies. That was one of the hallmarks of P* feds back in the day, guy X and guy Y going on and on about the various places they had thrown down. Make the here and now the center of attention.

4. Mr. Entertainment: I loved the second half of this Rp, everything was well said and written, the only thing I had an issue with was his 'take a hatchet to the whole locker room' start off. I know it's kind of hard to write stuff with a 1 Rp cap and get everything you want to say out there, but I kinda feel like calling out the whole locker room is a thing that should be done in a segment or a storyline Rp.

5. The First: Mine so I won't comment.

6. Chaos: Liked this, think you might have won if you had been able to get a little more meat on the bone as it were, the character was very clear to me.

7. Fanatic: Tact building him up made this seem special, like a big deal, a really good device for making a character seem important, maybe my favorite promo of the period.

8. Shawn Hart: A fun Rp again, got the character over strong.

9. Jonathan Marx: Kinda short, kind of wacky, but when your opponent is MIA you do what you can to say something, I know I get cracked in the face this week by him.

 

[TheOriginalSE]

Re: Cyberstrike 02 Feedback

* Strawsma Feedback

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1. Stacy Jones - This RP was a definite step up from last week's. It's good to see Stacy's got a voice, and I like seeing her interact with people. Best advice I can give is to probably not beat the "female wrestler" angle into the dirt. I get the fact that Stacy's a woman, but I'd like to see more dimension, like the total ego-trip she displayed in week 1's RP.

2. Michael Montgomery - Good promo for this week, and good response to the way Cyberstrike 1 turned out for the character. It could have probably used more of Sam Baxter giving a hasty and awkward interview after being hijacked in the middle of lunch, and probably more dialog on the topic of The First, but overall, I enjoyed it.

3. Cameron Cruise - This was almost a perfect Cruise promo, but the sad truth of the matter is that I find it harder to take the character seriously when he starts making references to other federations. These references are usually so obscure that even I have a hard time knowing what Cam is talking about; I can't imagine how lost I'd be if I were someone who read only New ERA RPs and matches exclusively.

4. Mr. Entertainment - This was a great promo, as Mr. E RPs tend to be. Like Stanton, it probably could have floated better without the bashing of the locker room weighing down the opening. It's not to say E's commentary on other wrestlers isn't unique and priceless in its own way, but it really generalizes his overall direction to the top. It's hard to say now to distinguish his allies from his enemies, and even harder for me to figure out if this is Face Entertainment or Heel Entertainment. Critique aside, this RP was still bad-ass.

5. The First - Very good response promo. The interpretations of Tarot cards really did well to relate the opponent and his characterization with the oncoming match. Probably could have used more elaboration on the Death card, and Muse really needs more personality other than being a goth bimbo Harley Quinn to T.F.'s Joker, but otherwise, this was a pretty solid RP.

6. Chaos - Good was of bringing up relevant history, and relating it to the current affair in the main event. The energy was good and the message was clear... that Chaos is coming for blood. Only things that could be worked on are some typographical errors (punctuations, mostly improper capitalizations), and to agree with the OORP comment, yeah, it probably could have used a half a page more of Chaos flipping out on camera.

7. Larry Tact / Fanatic - Great follow-up to Cyberstrike and the events that occurred there. Also good remarks on Mr. Entertainment the character, but probably could have helped with more response on what was said in his promo. I kinda felt like the wrong guy was talking, but then I understand how important it is right now that Tact continue the momentum he has -- and it's not like he doesn't put over his brother hardcore anyhow. Very good work.

8. "The Phenom" Shawn Hart - Great humor, great persona... everything was pretty solid in this promo. It was a good response to the Chaos RP, though probably could have benefited from a little more length and elaboration on the opponent.

9. "Gentleman" Jonathan Marx - Given what was there to work with, this promo was nothing short of perfect.