Cyberstrike 01 RP Feedback

[TheOriginalSE]

Every cycle I will give my feedback on the RPs that were posted. These will usually be 1-2 sentences on anything that particularly struck me .. whether it was something I liked, something that I felt just didn't click. It is meant to give you a little insight into my judging.

You can feel free to post your own feedback in this thread as well, but please be constructive.

This is a placeholder for right now. I have already scored RPs, but I will not post my thoughts until the results are on the site tomorrow morning.

Please note that I do not read any RPs until after the deadline is over and I read them all at the same time so I have a general idea of what might be given a 70, or a 65, or a 62 .. so on and so forth. I will not post the scores themselves, but each week I will announce what was the Roleplay of the Week.

1. Stacy Jones: It was great on character development, but lacked relevancy to your match at hand. For future reference, RPs for shows should be distinct to New ERA and not ones that you use elsewhere.

2. Cameron Cruise: The RP was scattered. Too much time was given to Hart, Windham, Jones and others, and not really enough for Entertainment.

3. Michael Montgomery: Another semi-scattered RP. It gave a glimpse of your character's persona. One thing to watch out for is typos. While usually I don't mind, sometimes they hurt, i.e. "quiet Magnificent."

4. The Druid: This was the closest RP match. It was decided by only 1 point. A good example of how to mix character development while keeping the RP relevant.

5. The First: Scored high on relevancy, and a good example of how to reference other characters w/out veering off course.

6. Mr. Entertainment: It was entertaining (d'oh!) Out of all the RPs, this one just reeked of the character.

7. Jonathan Marx: Another good piece. The story flowed well. But for Candido's sake, Paul .. that font size is humongous.

8. Chaos: This probably would have scored higher with editing. Writing from the hip causes the reader to have disruptions having to go back and read it a second time to make sure they get the jist of the writing.

9. Jason Payne: As I stated in Strawsma's feedback, this was the hardest one to judge and the scores were only 1 point apart. It was nice seeing Payne in a different light -- but the repetitive predator/prey references ended up losing effect the more it was repeated. Great job though - this could have easily ended the other way around.

10. Shawn Hart: Positive, the RP was incredibly entertaining. Negative, the RP was incredibly short. I always take quality over quantity, but I suppose I was expecting a tad bit more meat and potatoes. And you know, a reference to Tact ... considering there could have been so much history to jump off of.

11. Larry Tact: It set up the match nicely. Offered a backstory that worked. And it put in place the markers for what happened at the show.

RP of the Week: "The Dawning ... of a New ERA!" by Mr. Entertainment

 

[TheOriginalSE]

Re: Cyberstrike 01 Feedback

* Strawsma Feedback

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1. Stacy Jones:

This was really different from what I'm accustomed to, but I felt the use of inner monologue was a great way to introduce the character's self-serving and messiah-like personality.

2. Cameron Cruise:

Tommy always does a good job at giving Cam his own unique voice, even if he is heavy on painfully obscure inter-fed references. Pretty classic Cruise promo.

3. Michael Montgomery:

Good introductory RP, short and to the point. The message is a fairly bold point, and that's the way it should be when the character understand's he's the new guy in town.

4. The Druid:

I'll probably be less HTML heavy in the future, as scripting took just about as much time as writing. Still, I had a lot of fun re-imagining Erik Black's new and improved "The Druid" persona. Now he's like the Electric Wizard to Dopesmoker's Sleep.

5. The First:

The First is a good choice for this fed right now: hot face with hometown support. The promo was pretty good, and came off well as a direct statement to his opponent.

6. Mr. Entertainment:

Karl's Mr. E promos are always golden just for how elaborate and over-the-top they are. That's entertainment, you honky-ass mofoz. Anyway, really good points, really good personification.

7. Jonathan Marx:

Another great diatribe between Marx and Jacobs. It's true... WoW is the crack of our generation.

8. Chaos:

Also short and effectively to-the-point. I like how Chaos can't sit still for five minutes before he gets the urge to stand up and start destroying things.

9. Jason Payne:

Good response promo. Had no idea Jason Payne was that articulate.

10. Shawn Hart:

Everything in this promo hit the nail on the head: SJH fills those missing gaps in New ERA. There IS no New ERA without SJH. But man, there wasn't enough SJH to go around this week.

11. Larry Tact:

This was a great Tact promo. Larry spoke with sincerity and a good understanding of the federation and his purpose here. The character comes off more like a face than a heel, though.

RP of the Week:
"The Dawning... of a New ERA!!" by Mr. Entertainment. I'm a sucker for spectacle, unfortunately, and as a bass player in three rock bands, I tend to like promos with a flair for music. Granted, Karl's tastes are borderline Mega Man music, but I can't really complain given that all I listen to is warbling, droning noise. Really, all the RPs were really good, but this one stuck out to me.

 

[TheOriginalSE]

Re: Cyberstrike 01 Feedback

* Entertainment Feedback

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1. Stacy Jones: Something different from what a lot of us are used to. I enjoyed it and it stood out from the rest because of the prose style, but it could have mentioned the upcoming match more. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Stacy and how the character evolves.

2. Cameron Cruise: A little scattered, but I thought it was a good RP that set Cruise's character in the new New Era. As a first promo in a no-RP limit match this would have been great (because I know how good Cruise is in that kind of environment). It's going to be interesting how Cruise progresses in the new environment.

3. Michael Montgomery: Short and to the point. I liked how Michael talked about being what the new New Era needs and addressed several people at once - but it could have been longer to get more dirt in on Chaos. I think Montgomery will benefit now the season has started and we all show more of our characters as they are now.

4. The Druid: Ryan... gods we need to go drinking! It's not the longest RP I've ever read from Black, but the effort was clear for all to see. Black's great at finding something new about an opponent to focus on and is one of the people I'm looking forward to facing the most.

5. The First: A fun read. I think like Ryan said about Cruise there was a little too much mention of things outside New ERA. I loved how he specifically targetted Stacy and kept the focus in that part just right.

6. Mr. Entertainment: I enjoyed writing this one. Cameron Cruise always seems to bring out the best in Mr. Entertainment and I always enjoy matches with Tom. I'm hoping we can work together again, and that I can carry on with the New ERA version of Mr. Entertainment from what I feel is a strong platform from a writing perspective.

7. Jonathan Marx: ...wow! Sometimes it's easy to forget just how good at dry humour the Marx character is! Probably the best RP in terms of comedy this round.

8. Chaos: A typical Chaos promo. Targetted his opponent very nicely and built upon what I remember of the Chaos character. Moving forward Chaos' development will be interesting to watch.

9. Jason Payne: The perfect opponent for The Druid! I'd forgotten how well Payne can talk, this was a good reminder for me and a good demonstration for people who're new to the character. Not as off-the-wall as some of the stuff a few years ago but Payne's always growing.

10. Shawn Hart: Needed more! It was barely a Hart appetizer! What there was, though, was wonderful. Hart's such a fun character, but more mention of Tact would have been nice.

11. Larry Tact: Tact's one of those characters that I always enjoy reading. This was classic Tact; it set up the match, and if this'd been part of a no-RP limit period, gave so much that his opponent could have bounced off that it would have created a fantastic RP period all on its own.

RP of the Week: "Tales of Doom 1-1: The Awakening" by The Druid.

 

[TheOriginalSE]

Re: Cyberstrike 01 Feedback

Oh ... 1 thing I forgot...


For the love of Candido, people ... it's not the World Heavyweight championship anymore.

I know, I know .. after calling it that for so long you kinda just forget and let the fingers do the typin'.

But for future reference it's the "New ERA Championship" or "the Championship" ... since it's the only one right now .. and New ERA is now "based out of Boston" as a much smaller league, there's no need for "World Heavyweight."