OORP: 4 RPs later...here it is...sorry fellas. Maybe I need an alternate route to post RPs from now on...anyways...here it is.
"hrmph....hrmph..."
(Fadein, a hand shaking the shoulder of one Erik Mateo, his head down on the far end of the bar, his Cowboy hat canted to the side of his head, hiding his face. A pyramid of shot glasses stand sturdy about a foot in front of him on the bar. The bar pretty much hasn't changed but gotten alittle worse for wear than before. Tables are still turned over, chairs are either turned or busted up, as well as broken glass on the floor of the bar and now two less flickering light bulbs are non-existent. The hand once again protrudes and shakes Mateo's shoulder this time light slapping the back of his neck afew times before Mateo finally struggles himself upright and almost falls backward before Mateo hooks himself on the handle of the bar, his hat falling forward on his face.)
EM (From underneath his hat): Ah'm up mah...Ah'm up!! Ah'll bee tah skoo' shartlee...jest pleez daohn mahk meh tayk mah pails...
(The hand taps him on the shoulder again and then reappears after a second with a flier, complete with the lineup for IWF's next Chain Reaction show.)
EM: Ah cayn't reed thayis shait roit nah...whut es eet??
(The hand drums for as second on the table and then turns the hand sideways to show a watch, and then snaps the fingers, ala a "Eureka!" moments. The hand reaches over the bar and produces a TV remote and flicks on the set, which shows last weeks' edition of "Chain Reaction", but in black-and-white, showing his latest opponent, Vizier ta Seti. The hand points to the paper, then to Mateo, then to Seti. Mateo lifts his hat abit to watch but )
EM: Ah'm hungo'er ayn youse wanna pla' sh'raydes? Tha hail kin'a shait youse intah, bo--oh whyte...thayt's thayt feller'...hay...ain't thayt...ah thahnk ah nose thayt gah...dohn' hay taych thayt daynse,daynse, rayvolooshun err sahmthayn?? Nahh....hay moows tha yerrds dawn ayt tha Why-Ehm-See-Eh!!
(The hand stops Mateo short and pauses him for a second and holds up three fingers.)
EM: Three words...noo..three...layters?? oh-kay...first layter...ah-ball...no...AHH....oh-kay...say-con layter...youse....wee...ayn tha middle...dubya?? DUBYA?? oh-kay...therd layter...Fock...fock me?? Youse ace-whole...no...tha layter...Eff? Eff?? Awl three layters?? Ah-Dubya-Eff?? AHHHH....Ah-Dubya-Eff!!! Youse baystard...wha-din'cha jest tell mee??
Dohn' lohk ayt meh lahk thayt....whyte...thayt pepper....thayts tha neh lahn-up ain't et??
(The hand holds up a finger again and presses play on the rickety VCR underneath the TV set and Seti's Promo plays)
EM: Eegipchen?? He's Eegipchen?? Lahk tha gah en tha dessert?? Or lahk thos' lays'bee'ens en thayt ate'ees vid'yo...youse nose whut ah'm tahkin' ah'bout?? Speek'n' o' witch'....doze he...ya nose...
(Mateo even does the Egyptian dance from the Bangles Video)
Wohk lahk ayn Eegipchen??
Tha fack es tha' Vedi vinnie, Vitchi...tha's hes nayme roit??
Ah don' car' 'bout Terr' Anderson...ah dohn' eben nose whose Steben Walls' ES.
See...thar's two thangs ah lahk in this bus'ness...two thangs thayt keeps me happy. Dranken an' fahtin'
An' Ah'm pret'y good ayt both.
Ah lahks good, h'erd licker and a good h'erd faht...ayn ah habent hade won thet bested mee en ah long tahm.
Lohk 'round, Vict'r....dose' thes lohk lahk ah'm rach?? Dose thes lohk lahk ah'm mayde o' moneh??
Ah h'erdly thank so.
Fayme 'er Fort'un ain't eben pert o' tha' 'quay'shon.
Don' eben qual'fy.
Hail...tha' fack tha' youse say'd ah's gawt "Tenn-ass-tittie"??
Ah' don' eben nose whut thet maynes....but ah cane tails you thes....
Thes troph'ee...whut theh calls et??
The Em'rald City Champ'ship?? Hail Vernon'...I'll letcha en on ah say'cret....
Mah' poor Neece lubs thayt "Wiz'erd ob Ozz" stuff...ayn youse gawt to nose...ah'll doos an'thang fer' her...caz youse need ta nose...
Thayt gerl es mah whole WORL'.
Ah'll go ta tha en's ob tha eart' to see her happeh.
Youse see the Em'rald title es val'day'shon fer yer own talents...an' thayts yer choys...
Bet thet maykes' youse greeduh'...en cayse ya didn' nose....
Youse won' meh tah acek' eff ha' fer' Ah' wood go fer thayt Champ'ship??
Lohk 'round, whut part ob how ah' liv' tails youse thayt Ah wood stop??
Youse wan' ah faht, Vonnie??
Hail...youse gawt ah faht...all youse walln't an' more.
Youse ain't gawt tah go alls tha w'ise out to tha dessert...ain't nobodeh thar'.
Bet ah' see yas en tha' rang...thayts fer sher', won' beh h'erd tah fahn eether...
Ah'll beh tha' won weth mah han' rais' en vic'ory.
FADEOUT