CALGARY FINAL: WildStar vs. Mr. Entertainment

[TH]

RP DEADLINE is Saturday, January 7th, 11:59:59 PM, give or take a second.

WildStar beat...

1st round: Logan Caine
2nd round: Beau Michaels

Mr. Entertainment beat...

1st round: Promo
2nd round: Phenomenal Frankie Scott

 

[EpyonMarx]

[FADE IN. Gather round kiddies, because it’s time for SESAME STREET!!]

Sunny day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street

Come and play
Everything's A-okay
Friendly neighbors there
That's where we meet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street

[CUT TO: Sesame Street, where Big Bird is chatting with the Snuffleupagus (Snuffy)]

BB: Hey Snuffy.

Snuffy: Hello Big Bird. Oh, I can’t remember what today’s number is.

BB: Hm. That is a problem, Snuffy. I know, maybe our new friend can help.

Snuffy: Ooo, yes!! I forgot, he’s pretty smart. He can count!! But I can’t see him anywhere.

[sfx: clippity cloppity clippity cloppity clippity cloppity clippity cloppity clippity cloppity clippity cloppity]

BB: Why, here he is now! Hey Double-U Star!!

[Another puppet, looking like an OTT cowboy, comes riding in on something that resembles Muffin the Mule]

DS: Well, howdy par’ners.

[DS leaps high off his saddle - he’s a real puppet, strings and all]

Snuffy: Ooo, ooo, Double-U Star, do you know what today’s number is?

DS: I sure do reckon I do dippity do, par’ner. Today’s number is as high as I can coun’ an’ five times as high as Prairie Smallz, FIVE!!

Snuffy: Oh, today’s number is… fi~ve.

[All three dance around and sing a song about the number 5. As they end the song, a man walks onto the screen. You know him, you hate him, and he loves him - it’s Mr Entertainment]

DS: Howdy, par’ner. Ya’ll lost?

ME: Moi? Nah.

BB: A new friend!! What’s your name, new friend?

ME: Mister Entertainment.

Snuffy: Ooo, ooo, sounds like an entertaining name.

DS: Tha’ it is, par’ner. Ain’t ya the guy I’m gonna be rasslin in Calgary, par’ner?

BB: Our two new friends are wrestlers?

ME: I am. Him? Nah. He’s a cartoon reject.

BB: Now that wasn’t very nice.

ME: Well, Big Bird, it’s true. We don’t want the kiddies growin’ up tellin’ lies now, do we?

BB: Noooo.

ME: Good. Now, ya’ll mind wrapping this up? Sing yer little song and I’ll take the reject outta here so he doesn’t contaminate yer show no more.

DS: Hey, par’nre - thems fighting words.

[Mr Entertainment grabs the puppet of Double-U Star, punting him straight into the camera, as a snow effect hits the screen. The camera fades out, only to fade back a few seconds later on a new locale - a shot of Pelican Bay in Oregon. Standing in centre screen is Mr Entertainment]

ME: Yeah, yeah. I know - crummy attempt at humour there, wasn’t it? But then again what else am I supposed ta do against a guy whose three spots for this tournament have taken up less time than a five metre swim? The guy’s a dolt, he makes Frankensnoozer look good. .

But, thankfully fer him, he’s facin’ ME. An’ that means he’s getting a nice little payday. Just ask Proppet an’ the Phenomebore, Bravestarr - they can live like KINGS now they’ve been carried ta the greatest matches of their careers by the one, the only, ME.

Mister Entertainment.

Now, we all know who I wiped the floor with. So, let’s take a gander at who you bored ta tears ta get here, shall we? Logan’s Run… nope, never heard a him. Surprised ya’ll managed ta stay awake long enough ta beat him. An’ then ya’ll got yer balls squeezed by Boo-boo - I always thought he was messin’ round with Yogi. Mebbe MWG has someone as weird as him ta share tips with. Pun very much intended.

So, in a word. Ya’ll beat nobodies. And ya’ll did it in two very BORIN’ matches. High-light clips? No, my friend - that won’t do at all. TEAM needs people who they’re proud ta put centre stage, who they know will sell tickets and t-shirts. They need ME.

Mr Entertainment.

But hey, at least ya’ll can count ta five. You’re in the elite there - only you, Booker Peewee, and Sing-a-Song-a-Boredom have shown their mastery at counting ta five. Ya’ll should feel proud of yerself.

Me? Bein’ the entertainer I am, I can count in more than one language. SO, without further ado, here’s one through TEN in… six languages.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten
Eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs, sieben, acht, neun, zehn
Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix
Hana, duhl, set, net, dasut, yasut, ilgub, yodul, ahup, yuhl
Unus, duo, tres, quator, quinque, sex, septem, octo, novem, decem
Moja, mbili, tatu, nne, tano, sita, saba, nane, tisa, kumi.

[Out of nowhere, a rapturous round of applause bursts out, and just as quickly is cut]

ME: I know, I know. Impressive. But then, when yer an international entertainment ICON like me, ya’ll gotta learn some basics from lots a languages. Which is why ya’ll know Tex-Hex over there ain’t got a chance against me. Quite simply, he ain’t an icon ta the millions… AND MILLIONS… of wrestlin’ fans around the world.

But there is somethin’ he’ll be able ta do. He’ll be able ta sit at home, collect his royalty cheques like he’s been doin’ since his former partner destroyed him, knowin’ he gave the fans at least ONE good match, ONE match worth watchin’. And how’s he gonna do that? By lettin’ me do all the work, pick up the win, so I can give the guy with bad breath or the Hidden One a thunderous send-off in the semis. Because this little tournament one has one guy in it who can bring the audiences needed ta get this company off the ground. ME.

Mr. Entertainment.

So say somethin’, Bravestarr. The fans need ta know who ya are so they know who ta ignore after the match.

[FADE OUT]

***********
***********
OoC: The languages are, in order, English, German, French, Korean, Latin and Swahili, just in case anyone was wondering.

 

[EpyonMarx]

Mr Entertainment vs. his toughest opponent to date...

[FADE IN. An overhead shot of a wrestling ring, a lone man standing holding something in the centre. As the camera floats round to give us a side-on shot, we see it’s Mr Entertainment, dressed to wrestle. He’s holding a three foot long plank of wood, smiling at the camera]

ME: Well, so far, Bravestarr’s been as silent as this here plank. So, I’m gonna give ya’ll a preview match of what’s gonna happen in Portland. I’m gonna wrestle this here plank, and show Tex-Hex the payday he’s likely gonna be missin’.

[With that, Mr Entertainment slams the plank of wood down, stomping on it three times, before picking it up again and giving it a snap suplex. He floats over for the cover, but makes it look like the wood kicks out of the pin attempt. Undeterred, he picks the plank up again, driving it with a splash into the corner. Setting it up on the top rope, he takes it down into what, on a human being, would be an armbar. Finding his opponent won’t tap out, he picks up the wood again, looking for a slam, but spins the wood round so it takes him down with a crucifix pin. Mr Entertainment BARELY kicks out before the three count, and delivers a shortarm clothesline. He picks up the wood, stun-gunning it off the ropes, before connecting with his version of the Chaos Theory, That’s Entertainment, for the one, the two, and the three. The scoreline, for all those at home, is Mr Entertainment 1, planks of wood 0]

ME: Ya see that, Bravestarr? That plank a wood gave me a harder time than you’re gonna in Portland. I mean, just look at it, layin’ there. It’s got more talent, more charisma, and is a damn better talker than you. And it’s not even an eighties forgotten cartoon show like you. I heard ya’ll in the earlier rounds sayin’ how you were the only five star athlete in this here shindig - that, whilst ya loved trainin’ kids, you were still the best. Man, Tommy’s better than you - he can play a mean pinball, after all. You?

Snoozefest.

Come on, Bravestarr - these people wanna be ENTERTAINED!! And as great as I am, and as great a match I could have with a plank o’ wood, I can’t keep the millions and quadrillions of people watchin’ at home all entertained if I’m wrestlin’ someone with fewer skills than a plank. Here’s a tip for ya, from S O A D - wake up. Grab a brush an’ put on a little make-up. Hide the scars ta fade away the shake up. Then, get yer ass ta Portland, where the only six star entertainer is gonna go through you on the way to face the reptile or the Asian Blunder.

But enough about Bravestarr - whilst I’m here I may as well give a few words ta my potential opponents fer the semis.

Now, Blunder - you had a mildly entertainin’ match against Irish Coffee, but that ain’t gonna serve ya’ll no good if it turns out I’m facin’ you in the semis. If ya’ll even stay awake long enough against the Boragon. Just remember if ya’ll do win, yer getting the pay-day of yer career.

And Boragon - learn ta talk less. Yer one of the few people I’ve ever met who seems ta enjoy talkin’ more than needed about things that ain’t got nothin’ ta do with wrestling. If we meet in the semis, shut up and get beat like Proppet, Phenomebore and Bravestarr. Because this tournament, it ain’t about you, Blunder, or anyone else but ME.

Mister Entertainment.

[FADE OUT]

 

[EpyonMarx]

Re: Mr Entertainment vs. his toughest opponent to date...

*bumpbump*