eyoung
League Member
(It’s the mall during the usual Christmas rush, Bell ringer at the front door, mom’s dragging kids by the arm, unhappy looking husbands carrying jewelry bags. A white stretch Lincoln Limousine with “NOT2LUV” vanity plates pulls up blasting a Johnny Cash version of “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus“ through the slightly cracked windows. The car pulls through the packed parking lot where cars wait for spaces then parks in a handicapped space up front. The driver gets out and opens the back door where scantily clad women scatter deeper into the car and out of sight, then Eddy Love emerges. Love is dressed in a pair of bright red pants and a green shirt that reads “ may your holidays be filled with LOVE”. Love has abandoned his usual look for a pair of oversized sunglasses and a “NYPD” hat pulled down low. He has the look of a man trying to remain incognito, but the camera crew and T-shirt will surely give him a way. He walks towards the Toys-R-Us entrance while addressing the camera matter of factly.)
I spend a good deal of my 4 years here in the CSWA making fun of the wrestlers who allow Chad Merrit or circumstance to turn their wrestling careers into soap operas …… I know a few have sold some tickets through that method, but don’t the true fans snicker slightly every time Hornet gets another mysterious phone call, every time Eli has some personal problem that dates back to tragic days gone by, every time Troy checks in for rehab or a penicillin booster, or every time a doctor has some new procedure that will finally implant a personality into Evan Aho.
(Love cracks a slight smile at the stab at Aho. He approaches the door where the Salvation Army man is ringing the bell. Love reaches in his back pocket, pulls a fifty out and starts towards the bell ringer. The ringer smiles at Love who then folds the bill, slides it into his front pocket and proceeds into the store, past the bell ringer who stands slack jawed in amazement, where the camera picks Eddy back up.)
But now you can’t turn the TV on without someone asking how will Troy and Eddy handle being pitted against one another…… will the Playboys survive. And my pal Troy gets on TV complaining that he’s heard Eddy Love saying that Hurricane Eddy’s all that and promising to prove that’s not the case. Funny thing about that interview was if you had taken away Troy’s unequalled camera presence, added a foot to his height and taken away his ability to handle his alcohol…… it would have sounded just like Kevin Powers whining “It’s all about Eddy” before he flushed the career I had made for him down the proverbial toilet. *But* Troy I know your point big man, and I’ll see you in St Louis.
Then I see the world’s most convenient Christian, reappearing on the scene and rolling that cripple that used to be his muscle out like some county fair freak show to pass judgement on how Eddy Love handles being pitted against a compadre. Chris Shepherd, you should be more ashamed of yourself for this than for all those other self fulfilling bible speeches you’ve subjected all those Eddy Love Lovers to, But you have opened my eyes to the tragedy of MS, I hate that disease for what it has stolen from me….. Because while I always envisioned Chris Shepherd’s muscle wheel chair bound, I always thought I’d be the one to put him there. Tell your stooge not to worry about how I handle this situation Christopher, because I will handle it like I have every situation throughout my life…… I will handle it like a great champion, like a true warrior, and fair and square just like Hurricane Eddy has always like it. And Troy do you notice that publicity hounds like Shepherd still call my name thinking they can still get themselves over…. That’s cause I *am* all that.
Mike Randalls gets on TV wondering if the Playboys are sitting around laughing together about how they’ve caged the rat, and how we can end the war. Well Mikey, truth is Troy and I haven’t spoken since the match was signed but I think I know what he’s laughing about…… and it’s the same thing I’m laughing about….. The fact it took you a year to realize what we’ve known all along….. That the minute you aligned against the Playboys, you were a caged rat with no chance of winning your own little war. You see Mikey, in St. Louis you won’t have Eli Flair and Larry Stanley to keep hiding behind, and when I get my pretty little hands on you Mikey, I’m gonna shut those misery flapping gums of yours.
As for you JJ….. I feel your pain, and while I would not step over Randalls prone body to gut wrench big daddy Q dog to the mat, I also will allow NO ONE to stand between me and the final chapter of the Wolf’s war. JJ things have been good, and come next week they may be good again, but don’t fault Troy, and surely don’t fault me for what happens in St Louis….. It is fate, and if the unstoppable force does meet the immovable object, we’ll just have to deal with it.
(Love stops at the CSWA action figures. Hornet is sold out. The new Radder figure with the belt is plentiful and it is obvious the manager has overbought. The Powers doll still wears a PLR shirt from when he deserved his own figure. Love swipes the last 6 Eddy Love figures and 2 Sweet Melissa dolls so anatomically correct it would give a grown man a semi-hard. A small boy and his mother approaches.)
BOY: They’re sold out of Eddy, momma. I knew we’d waited too late.
MOMMA: It’s OK honey, I’ll try and find you one.
(The mother approaches Love.)
MOM: Sir, I saw you bought the last Eddy Love dolls. It’s the last thing on my boy’s list, could I talk you into……
LOVE: Right lady, that’s just what I want….. That little crumb catcher of yours putting his little peanut butter stained hands on my likeness and letting Eli Flair mount it. (Love turns to walk off)
BOY: That’s him momma.
(Love looks back at the boy, then continues walking, while the mother frowns at Love.)
BOY: You’re my favorite Mr. Love.
(Eddy Looks back again, mumbles thanks then continues to leave.)
BOY: Would you like a drink of my Coke?
(Love turns and shakes his head no, then begins to walk off. Love stops turning again and tosses the kids one of the boxes he has in his hand. The kids face lights up as Eddy does his best Mean Joe Green imitation.)
LOVE: Hey kid catch.
BOY: THANKS EDDY.
(The boy’s catches the box with a huge smile on his face, then the smile dissipates as he begins to cry. Camera focuses in on the box love has tossed the boy revealing it is a Mike Randalls doll, red eyes red robe and all.)
FTB
I spend a good deal of my 4 years here in the CSWA making fun of the wrestlers who allow Chad Merrit or circumstance to turn their wrestling careers into soap operas …… I know a few have sold some tickets through that method, but don’t the true fans snicker slightly every time Hornet gets another mysterious phone call, every time Eli has some personal problem that dates back to tragic days gone by, every time Troy checks in for rehab or a penicillin booster, or every time a doctor has some new procedure that will finally implant a personality into Evan Aho.
(Love cracks a slight smile at the stab at Aho. He approaches the door where the Salvation Army man is ringing the bell. Love reaches in his back pocket, pulls a fifty out and starts towards the bell ringer. The ringer smiles at Love who then folds the bill, slides it into his front pocket and proceeds into the store, past the bell ringer who stands slack jawed in amazement, where the camera picks Eddy back up.)
But now you can’t turn the TV on without someone asking how will Troy and Eddy handle being pitted against one another…… will the Playboys survive. And my pal Troy gets on TV complaining that he’s heard Eddy Love saying that Hurricane Eddy’s all that and promising to prove that’s not the case. Funny thing about that interview was if you had taken away Troy’s unequalled camera presence, added a foot to his height and taken away his ability to handle his alcohol…… it would have sounded just like Kevin Powers whining “It’s all about Eddy” before he flushed the career I had made for him down the proverbial toilet. *But* Troy I know your point big man, and I’ll see you in St Louis.
Then I see the world’s most convenient Christian, reappearing on the scene and rolling that cripple that used to be his muscle out like some county fair freak show to pass judgement on how Eddy Love handles being pitted against a compadre. Chris Shepherd, you should be more ashamed of yourself for this than for all those other self fulfilling bible speeches you’ve subjected all those Eddy Love Lovers to, But you have opened my eyes to the tragedy of MS, I hate that disease for what it has stolen from me….. Because while I always envisioned Chris Shepherd’s muscle wheel chair bound, I always thought I’d be the one to put him there. Tell your stooge not to worry about how I handle this situation Christopher, because I will handle it like I have every situation throughout my life…… I will handle it like a great champion, like a true warrior, and fair and square just like Hurricane Eddy has always like it. And Troy do you notice that publicity hounds like Shepherd still call my name thinking they can still get themselves over…. That’s cause I *am* all that.
Mike Randalls gets on TV wondering if the Playboys are sitting around laughing together about how they’ve caged the rat, and how we can end the war. Well Mikey, truth is Troy and I haven’t spoken since the match was signed but I think I know what he’s laughing about…… and it’s the same thing I’m laughing about….. The fact it took you a year to realize what we’ve known all along….. That the minute you aligned against the Playboys, you were a caged rat with no chance of winning your own little war. You see Mikey, in St. Louis you won’t have Eli Flair and Larry Stanley to keep hiding behind, and when I get my pretty little hands on you Mikey, I’m gonna shut those misery flapping gums of yours.
As for you JJ….. I feel your pain, and while I would not step over Randalls prone body to gut wrench big daddy Q dog to the mat, I also will allow NO ONE to stand between me and the final chapter of the Wolf’s war. JJ things have been good, and come next week they may be good again, but don’t fault Troy, and surely don’t fault me for what happens in St Louis….. It is fate, and if the unstoppable force does meet the immovable object, we’ll just have to deal with it.
(Love stops at the CSWA action figures. Hornet is sold out. The new Radder figure with the belt is plentiful and it is obvious the manager has overbought. The Powers doll still wears a PLR shirt from when he deserved his own figure. Love swipes the last 6 Eddy Love figures and 2 Sweet Melissa dolls so anatomically correct it would give a grown man a semi-hard. A small boy and his mother approaches.)
BOY: They’re sold out of Eddy, momma. I knew we’d waited too late.
MOMMA: It’s OK honey, I’ll try and find you one.
(The mother approaches Love.)
MOM: Sir, I saw you bought the last Eddy Love dolls. It’s the last thing on my boy’s list, could I talk you into……
LOVE: Right lady, that’s just what I want….. That little crumb catcher of yours putting his little peanut butter stained hands on my likeness and letting Eli Flair mount it. (Love turns to walk off)
BOY: That’s him momma.
(Love looks back at the boy, then continues walking, while the mother frowns at Love.)
BOY: You’re my favorite Mr. Love.
(Eddy Looks back again, mumbles thanks then continues to leave.)
BOY: Would you like a drink of my Coke?
(Love turns and shakes his head no, then begins to walk off. Love stops turning again and tosses the kids one of the boxes he has in his hand. The kids face lights up as Eddy does his best Mean Joe Green imitation.)
LOVE: Hey kid catch.
BOY: THANKS EDDY.
(The boy’s catches the box with a huge smile on his face, then the smile dissipates as he begins to cry. Camera focuses in on the box love has tossed the boy revealing it is a Mike Randalls doll, red eyes red robe and all.)
FTB