BLACK DAWN: EPW Tag Team Titles - Forsaken (c) vs. Chronic Collizion

[DBrunkGXW]

For the EPW World Tag Team Titles.

Post all RP here.

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The First sitting at the head of a long table, his hair is jet black and hangs over his shoulders, he wears a black vest with a white shirt under it. Rozy is laying on the table, in a black button up shirt, black pants, and black gloves that go past the elbow. First's EPW World Title belt rests on her stomach.)

FIRST: "Madness and clarity...What are they really? Two sides of the same coin? Polar opposites? One day I run around talking about my soul being the soul of Adam, a soul that's existed since humanity has been around, and I'm thought a little odd, or marketable to goth and emo kids...One day I run around declaring myself a God-King...And now I'm mad, out of my mind, completely insane...

But that's the fun of waking up every morning, you get to decide who'll be that day, that week, that life...I never truly know who I am, or even why I am...Do any of you really think about it...I mean there was a hundred thousand or even millions of sperm that went running for that egg...Many got lost, many went the wrong way...But a few hundred or so found that damn egg and got to fighting...And one, only one...Won...You are the product of a lottery...You had a 50/50 shot of being the other gender, just try to wrap your head around that...Why are you, you? Hard to try to figure out, hard to come to grips with...Maybe that's why we don't think about it, because to even try to fathom why we exist is to stare at the abyss...And it is more then willing to stare back...

So now I sit here, having through a series of events not even I, the supposed pre-cog, could ever have figured out, having fulfilled what I thought was my destiny from the moment I joined this company, which was to win the World Tag Team Titles with Felix Red...And now we're here, top of the mountain...King of the World Ma!..And now I'm talking like somebody who Joe Six-Pack and Judy Punch-Clock would think is acceptable, perhaps even close to being normal...

But am I really normal? Are any of us? What am to do now? Oh...I could talk of my greatness, I could make great boasts about how I am to destroy the giant Russian and the tiny American who seek to take the titles from me and Felix, but to what end...What purpose does it serve?

What is this fight? What's the reasoning for it? Why are we in conflict? Really, what drives the two of you to seek to battle the two of us? Is it anything more then a bunch of suits deciding that the masses would be thrilled to witness the bloodsport that would be conflict between us 4 men? Is it truly anything beyond that? We have no personal hatred that I know of, no burning need to be at one another's throats...So...Just pawns is all we are, or ever will be...In a month's time we shall be friends, fighting in 8 man tags against new and greater enemies, so truly fluid and meaningless are the alliances forged in this industry...

Oh I suppose...You want the belt (Pats belt, Rozy smiles)...Oh a piece of leather and metal...I'm sure you'll scream and yell and tell me how much honor, how much glory there is in this belt...I'm sure I'll hear about a legacy, about greatness...All that jazz...

I held a belt once, said I was World Champion...Hell I even beat the man that signs my checks now during the process of winning it...Sounds like it should be important doesn't it? Well it was...Was so important a man tied me up in the ropes and beat me with a chair until I was hospitalized and didn't wake up for 6 hours...Doctors feared for brain damage, that I might never speak normally again...Or walk correctly...Or that I'd even wake up at all...Yes, a man damn near killed me for that piece of leather and metal...Mattered that much to him...

I won it back...Then the company went belly up...Now that same piece of leather and metal I was nearly killed for won't fetch more then 300 dollars on Ebay...Truly touching, isn't it?

So well, why should I fight for this one? Why is this new belt any better then the one before it? No reason at all...The only reason I'd care to fight for it is simple...It's currently mine...And you want it...So you can't have it...With all the honor and nobility of a spoiled child throwing a screaming fit in a toy store, I shall shake my little fists, kick my little legs and shout "NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!"...Why?! Because it's mine! It's really that simple...

I hold this title not to make my dreams come true...I hold it to crush the dreams of others...

You two shall be the first to have their dreams destroyed...

Good day to you sirs...

(FADEOUT)

 

[NotorisSTD]

Wait, Worry, Who Cares?

(CUEUP: “It’s a tumor, man” by We Are the Seahorses…)

(CUTTO: Black and white footage of Felix Red sitting in his living room, in fuzzy bathrobe, bunny slippers, and official “Boy Who Destroyed the World” boxer shorts (available at HOT TOPIC retail outlets), sipping tea, watching That’s Amore on his huge ass big screen TV…)

FELIX: Sometimes things come so easily to me it makes me sad. And sadness makes me angry. And anger makes me violent. Which makes things come even more easily to me.

Consider reality TV. We’re supposed to believe the guy who told Tila Tequila he’s nailed a few hundred different women is some cuddly little harmless puppy person? Like we were supposed to believe Tila Tequila was maybe a little eccentric and sexually adventurous, but deep down, basically just a sweet girl looking for that special someone?

I’m not sure if you have to be a monster to be a reality TV star, but you can’t be a saint…
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve also nailed a few hundred women, and I might be a little eccentric, too, and deep down, I really am a sweetheart looking for that special someone…to kill.

Funny that The First brings up title belts. I’ve had a bunch of those, too. I also slapped around the big cheese back when. What makes the EPW tag belts special? Nothing, except that they’re the Forsaken’s now. They used to mean nothing. Now they mean something.
People are always giving me flak because I’m a little different. I do drugs on camera. I say things that doesn’t always make easy sense to everyone. But to say I don’t have any respect for this business just isn’t true. In the end, I’m here to help. So is the First. But things won’t improve around EPW until we’ve annihilated the entire roster. Dan Ryan and myself don’t see eye to eye on everything, but one thing I’m sure we can agree on, is this company is overpopulated with mediocrity…People with no talent, no vision, nothing to offer except a narcissistic desire to be someone special.

Same reason people go on reality shows. Same reason people with wonderful lives do nothing but complain. Vanity. Hubris. And nothing else to offer.

The Forsaken hasmuch to offer. Misery, humiliation, possibly death if we get bored enough.

Which doesn’t bode well for Chronic Collision. We trounced them so badly, and nobody seems to realize that giving them a rematch puts them in mortal danger.

Like I said, I don’t handle boredom well.

(FTB)

 

[RStrawsma]

A Change In Plans

(We fade in on a very lackadaisical scene in Empire Pro’s standard sound studio. The Black Dawn backdrop is set up… the lights are running… and yet, the stars of the show are missing. In fact, it seems as though everybody on the set is impatiently waiting for them, with the director fervently pacing back and forth. One of the camera operators snores while he leans hunched on his equipment.)

(At long last, the sound of the studio door opening can be heard, and sunlight fills the room, causing everybody to suddenly perk up and look at the two figures stumbling into the room. “THE ESCAPE ARTIST” Erik Black enters first, looking disheveled in week-old clothes and his beard unkempt. “THE RAGING RUSSIAN” Ivan Dalkichev wanders in after him, bleary-eyed and pink-faced, with five o’clock shadow. The scowling director approaches them.)

Director
Where have you two BEEN?! We’ve been waiting for HOURS to get this on the roll!! The world does not STOP and START at your command, you know?!

Erik Black
Whoa whoa WHOA WHOA whoa… whoa…

…

…whoa…

Relax there, Scorcese! You’re killin’ our VIBE, man! Look, we apologize for leaving everybody hanging like that, but… MAN… that week-long acid trip across Death Valley was freakin’ AWESOME!!

Ivan Dalkichev
We ran out of food halfway, so we started eating cactus… that made it MORE awesome!

Director
Whatever, just… GET in front of the camera and do your thing, and we can all get out of here.

Erik Black
Sounds good, chief! Let’s get to work!

(Erik slaps his hands, getting the film crew up and active as the dynamic duo shoo off the wardrobe and make-up experts and find their place on the platform before the backdrop. We cut to a more conventional, straight-on view of the two.)

Erik Black
Cool, we ready? Count us off, ‘Van.

Ivan Dalkichev
OH KAY, READY!!

FIVE…

FOUR…

THREE…








Erik Black
…two?

Ivan Dalkichev
TWO…

ONE…

VJORK!!

(As the footage “begins” for the second time, we see Erik Black and Ivan Dalkichev before the camera. Black loosens up his limbs and throws his head from side to side, as if prepping for a physical feat. Finally, he comes lurching forward, pointing an angry FINGER at the camera!)

Erik Black
PROLETARIAT!!

(…wait, what?)

Erik Black
Yeah, we’re talkin’ to YOU, you bastards! The ORIGINAL Communist tag team is addressing you!

Ivan Dalkichev
GO BACK TO RUSSIA!!

(You can practically hear crew members slapping their foreheads offscreen.)

Erik Black
…Ivan, you’re the Russian, remember?

Anyway… WEEK after WEEK you elude us… but at BLACK DAWN, inside the STEEL CAGE with the EPW TAG TEAM TITLES ON THE LINE… there will be NO escape!!

Ivan Dalkichev
Oh HO HO HO… you CANNOT outrun my great schlonka as I VJORK YOU IN ASS!!

Erik Black
It’s bad enough that the two of you infringe on our gimmicks… but to hold OUR titles, acting like WE should be acting, makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH!!

And when I get SICK, I start getting this really queasy feeling… the kind that NO POT IN THE WORLD can get rid of… and another thing—

(Erik cuts himself off, eyes darting off camera, as somebody gets his attention.)

Erik Black
What? Dude, I’m trying to cut a promo, WHAT IS IT??

…

…they did? REALLY?! To who!

…

…Forsaken? WHO??

…OH, those guys. Wait, is that THE Forsaken, or just regular Forsaken?

…

…okay, THE Forsaken… so Warcraft jokes still fly, am I right?

…

Kickass…

Alright, alright, let’s pick this up again…

(Erik loosens himself up again, and bursts forward with another accusatory finger pointed at the camera.)

Erik Black
UNDEAD!!

(He chuckles, jutting an elbow into Ivan before turning to the camera again.)

Erik Black
Forget that earlier tanget. You see, we were kind of expecting somebody else going into Black Dawn. In fact, Ivan and I spent the past few months tirelessly trying to build a confrontation between us and the former tag champs, the Proletariat. It was going to be nothing short of awesome… the former Crimson Calling versus the modern Crimson Clones! I mean, WHAT a monumental way to come back from a long absence and pick up the tag titles that WE NEVER LOST!!

But… you guys kinda went over our heads and took those titles before we could have that opportunity. A tad inconsiderate… not to mention unprofessional… but what the hell, right? Those guys sucked anyway.

Ivan Dalkichev
And were as Communist as DOLPH LUNDGREN!!

Erik Black
Regardless, our ulterior motive remains unchanged. We’ve made it clear since we came back that we would be reclaiming the EPW Tag Team Championship… the titles that belong around the waists of Empire Pro’s ONLY undefeated tag team!

Now… our last run-in at Russian Roulette turned out to be a disappointment for the two of you, if you can rightly recall. You put up a spirited battle, but… come on. At the end of the day, you realized that no matter how good you were in the ring, you’d always be second best to the CHRONIC COLLIZION!!

Ivan Dalkichev
Formerly the Crimson Calling!

Erik Black
Thank you, Ivan.

In any case, I’m kinda HOPING that this time around you guys will leave the boring psychobabble to the wayside… just because… well, we’re trying to promote this match, not talk philosophy.

It’s an easy formula, see? We promote the match. The match sells. We make money. We buy pot. We get high. We see the f*ckin’ end of the earth and become one with ourselves, and nirvana is reached, man! This match already took a big hit in the fact that there’s NO HEAT behind it…

Ivan Dalkichev
We can thank the losers that were the Proletariat for that…

Erik Black
But talking about unimportant things like… why we’re fighting… who we’re fighting for… what is Felix Red on today… it’s just a big turn-off to our fanbase, who just want to see us go out there and preserve our legacy as Empire Pro’s greatest tag team.

A legacy, by the way, that NO team has tarnished as of yet!

But all boringness aside, we actually dig you guys, to a degree. I mean, my Shadow Priest is the effin’ BOMB thanks to my Will of the Forsaken Racial Trait… so thanks for that! And afterwards, maybe we could just head to the back, reach into Felix’s stash, and see where the night takes us while we laugh and cavort and talk about how badly you guys got your asses kicked earlier…

Just… DON’T expect things to go easy for either of you in between the bells.

Ivan Dalkichev
Or in between my BALLS!!

Erik Black
LATER, toads!

(Waving to the camera, Erik Black steps out of frame, followed by Ivan…)

(…and promptly come back for a moment longer.)

Erik Black
Oh yeah… STEVE!! If you’re watching, your car is somewhere outside of Phoenix. Sorry about the smell in advance.

(Fade to black as they step off.)

 

[NotorisSTD]

unclear

(CUEUP: “Prescription” by Mindless Self Indulgence…)

(CUTTO: Black and white footage of Felix Red, still in his bathrobe and slippers, still sitting on the couch, but this time he’s got his EPW tag title spread out on the table, with residue of funny white powder all over it….)

FELIX: I don’t know what the hell “World of Warcraft is,” and I’m a little embarrassed that I confused the big Russian guy and smaller guy tag team we just mauled with a different big Russian guy and smaller guy tag team.

Or maybe, it’s Chronic Collision who should be embarrassed. Or, perhaps it’s the EPW tag team division that aughta be blushing and stammering as a conseqence of these sorts of things. If mean, if one were to accuse The First and myself of being goth/psycho archetypes, that’s fine, might be true, might not be, I don’t care. But, wow, I literally can’t tell these dickbags apart.

Although it’s nice to see someone else talking about drugs a lot. I was actually one of the original pioneers of talking about drugs during promos, believe it or not. In fact, I can remember the days before I was even a part of this business, watching M.W. Grossard on FWF TV talking about crystal meth, which he was able to get away with, because back then nobody knew what crystal meth was. I hate that mincing junkie f(bleep)t, but he was ahead of his time, boy howdy….

I suppose he was the wrestling equivalent of Refer Madness, which would make me the Jim Morrison, or whoever one were to accredit with making drugs look cool. The two of you, Mr. Black, Mr. Dalkichev, would be the wrestling equivalent of Jay and Silent Bob. And so I wonder…would I seem more dangerous if I stopped doing drugs on camera?

It’s St. Patrick’s Day in Boston, but I stayed in tonight. It’s amateur night, you see. All day, bars are overloaded with tourists and ree rees from the suburbs paying $20 covers everywhere they go and drinking proportionately expensive green Bud Lite. I heard a car slam into something outside, literally, moments before we started taping this. I can hear sirens off in the distance swooping in to clean up the mess. I once watched a teenage girl fight an entire concert hall staff after getting kicked out of a St. Patrick’s Day Dropkick Murphys show…And it was high-larious, but maybe not so much for the teenage girl.

My point is that bad things can happen to people when they get caught up in the excitement. Get in over their heads, y’know? Can’t flap their arms fast enough. Sink like rocks.

It’s all fun and games until someone get their neck broken.

Has it occurred to either of you that enlightenment might not necessarily be something you want? Has it occurred to you that enlightenment could be unspeakably horrible?

And you boys aught not to worry so much about heat and the audience’s interest and such things. I have several thousand more highlight reels left in me, and The First may have a few to spare as well. But if you need an “angle,” as they say, well….I have a back story for you.

Why are we fighting? Because we can….or for the titles, however you want to spin it.

Who are we fighting for? Ourselves.

What is Felix on today? Seven kinds of drugs you’ve never even heard of.

And what’s this talk about things going in between Dalkichev’s balls? What’s wrong with his balls, if things are going in between them? Does he have two separate sacks for each testicle, or something? (lights a cigarette) I mean, yikes….That’s messed up.

(FTB)

 

[The Great Eye]

(FADEIN: The First in the same setting as before.)

THE FIRST: "No Heat...Hmm...Sorry to hear it...Hate that you think the crowd won't care about this battle...Hate to think that such a calamity would be cause for you to not give an honest effort in our impending battle...You know, a great conflict and battle could stir the masses to cheer, to boo, to react...You could generate heat for our conflict by giving it a go, having an epic battle with Felix and I...

But it seems you would rather make snide comments and pout...That's fine also...While I'd like to think Felix and I do manage to cause the crowd to care a little bit...But if they don't...Well that's just fine with me...Hell I'd love to fight you two in complete silence, that way every scream of agony, every grunt of pain, every bit of suffering you endure will echo through the arena...I want the camera to have no reason to look into the crowd to see 5 year olds looking on as their heroes get thrashed or as some rat is trying to get your attention...I want the camera on your faces as your attitude changes from 'this isn't going to be easy' to...'This isn't going to be possible.'

Yes...I wouldn't mind icy silence as a backdrop to our battle...It would almost be...Refreshing...And for you, silence will be the final result...

When one is out cold...One does not here anything at all...Unless of course we go a little to far in knocking you out...And you end up seeing a white light and hear dead relatives beckoning...

In that case just ignore them, they are full of sh*t...

(FADEOUT)