(FADEIN: Humboldt park, Chicago, Illinois. Shot is the exterior of one of the small bodegas along the street corner. Propped up on the sales counter is Angel Castillo, known to some as "El Diablo", dressed in long black cargo pants and a red t-shirt. He is conversing with the clerk.)
Castillo: Julio, ¿Como estan los mangos?
Clerk: Ya llegaron de Cuba. Son muy frescas y de anaranjado brillante.
Castillo: Bueno, ¿Puedo comprarme unos de ellos?
Clerk: Por supuesto, señor.
(As the clerk goes to the back to get what "El Diablo" has ordered, he turns his attention towards the camera)
Castillo: I bet you didn't even understand what I said, Mr. Steven James. I don't expect you to, as you're about as exotic as a bowl of cold mashed potatoes. Just my luck that my first match in this federation would be against somebody who comes from an area of the United States whiter than said bowl of cold mashed potatoes, who probably has no culture whatsoever. Well, listen, gringo. You call yourself "Showtime", but let me tell you, when the spotlight turns on, it is gonna be focused on ME, as I pound the anglo-saxton out of you.
(The clerk returns with the bag of several mangos.)
Clerk: Aqui estan sus mangos, señor.
Castillo: Muchas gracias, Julio.
(El Diablo hands a sum of money to the clerk, then reaches in the bag, take out a mango, produces a pearing knife, peals off some of the mango skin.)
Castillo: The mango, my favorite fruit. I always loved eating these in Cuba during the summertime. They have so many great qualities. it is sweet, has a pleasant yellow-orange color, and has a nice texture. Unlike you. What is it that you have to offer, "Showtime"? A funny shirt. funny pants, and a funny hair do. Me, I have my rich heritage behind me, I have my natural latino rythym...
(El Diablo starts doing a small samba dance, gyrating his hips wildly, then promptly stops.)
Castillo: And most important of all, I have the ability to take the bland bowl of mashed potatoes you are, and make it a little...¡¡¡PICANTE!!!
(FTB as El Diablo takes some bites out of the mango, with a pleased expression on his face)
"Life is what happens when you're making other plans"
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-21-02 AT 11:51 AM (EDT)] Fade in to the face of Showtime Steven James and over his shoulder you see him standing near a cliff with a thunderstorm in the background. As the camera fades back you see that he's infront of a large screen tv. He looks at the camera and smiles because he knows he had almost everybody fooled.
Ok, first of all lets clear a few things up Angel ok? I am from Rhode Island, therefore if you're going to insult us as least be creative. For instance, we are not as white as a bowl of cold mashed potatos. We are as white as a bowl of white new england clam chowder. Next time try to do some research on where i live will you? Also, you say that i have no heritage? laughs Wow, you must be really trying to insult me aren't you. Man, you should have waited for me to speak first because that was one of the worst promos i have ever heard.
Now, some wrestlers would give you a story about their heritage to prove that they are cultural, me? I could care less what it is you think of me. You wanna say i have no culture? Fine! I don't care. And you think for one minute that the spotlight will be on you? Why? Just because you have your Latino Heat? sarcastically Oops, did i say Latino Heat? I meant Latino rhythm. I don't know how i made that mistake.
What next? Oh yeah i have a question about a quote you gave about the mangos: "It is sweet, has a pleasant yellow-orange color, and has a nice texture. Unlike you..." Uuumm, why are you thinking about how sweet i am, my color, and the texture of my body? I think somebody has different intensions than wrestling...And where do you get off saying that i wear funny pants, a funny shirt, and i have a funny hair cut? You've never seen me before watching this promo. Who are you? Ms. Cleo?
Well you know what? i don't care because i can't wait to kick your Latino Heat...oops, there i go again, i mean Latino rhythm all over the ring. And when you see the fans on their feet and the spotlight beaming on me you will know that Showtime Steven James has arrived, so get ready because it's SSSHHHOOOWWWWTTTIIIMMEEE BABY!! LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION.
(FADEIN: This time we fade in to "El Diablo"'s Chicago apartment. It is nothing special, Cuban flag on the wall, santero in the corner, kitchenette, couch, TV. Upon the couch sits Angel Castillo, watching TV. He realizes the camera crew has arrived, and suddenly a big smile caresses his cheeks.)
Castillo: Showtime, man, I thought you were just a simple bland white-as-white-bread-whitey, but I didn't know you were stupid as well! I was gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and think you just missed the day at school they taught you analogies in english class, but now I just don't believe it. Let me tell you something. I happen to like New England clam chowder, but I prefer conch chowder, and even when I need a quick snack, I like a bowl of mashed potatoes out of the fridge, but it stands, the latter is quite bland, unless it has the right gravy. You sir, have no gravy.
(He pauses to consider what he just said, hesitates. then continues.)
Castillo: Well, that is, the proverbial gravy. Anyway, and you think when I was mentioning the qualities of the mango, I was also attributing the same qualities to you, but no, I'm not that type you find in the after hours clubs. That's just your own sick way of warping my words. But just as much you are like a bowl of cold mashed potatoes, you are the opposite of a mango, and that is, practically no good qualities. All this talk of mangos is getting me hungry. Good thing I brought a few extra...
("El Diablo" walks over to the mini fridge in his kitchenette, grabs a mango, then produces a vegetable peeler, as peels the mango to reveal its yellow flesh.)
Castillo: You see, unlike you, the mango has it's greatest qualities underneath the skin, which itself causes an allergic reaction to many and causes people to avoid it. But you are quite hollow and there is no "flesh" to you. And yes, I have seen you before. When I learned about having this match with you, proper strategy would dictate I learn as much about you as I can, so I got photos, tapes, what have you. It just allows me to truthfully state your sheer unadulterated bland no-spice rythemless being. You know, I have no idea where you got this "latino heat" nonsense, but there is no doubt a latin rythym can create great heat. The very heat that boils a man's blood when he hears the sounds of the music of his country, that automatically sets his hips gyrating to the melody of his native sound. It is the same heat that wells in my blood at the thrill of combat, and which sets my rythym to overtake the opponent. Now, I must ask you, "Showtime". Do you have that same boiling in your blood? Will you have that same heat in your soul when we meet in the ring? Will you be able to overcome me? I'll leave you to answer those questions in the ring.
(FTB as "El Diablo" takes a few big bites out of the mango and smiles after each bite.)
"Life is what happens when you're making other plans"
Fade in to Showtime Steven James standing on a beach. His kaki's are rolled up, his shirt is tossed over his shoulder, and he's wearing sunglasses. He looks out into the ocean and then back to the camera and smiles and begins
Good God almighty you've got to be kidding me. Please, somebody get the camera off this jackass because he's wasting valuable film. You've gotta be kidding me right? My first match and i've got a guy who lives in a shack and eats mangos all day? And not to mention that now not once, but twice he's used that mashed potato reference.
Now, i'd like to move on to something else Castillo. Do you think for one second that you impress anybody because you speak Spanish? Wow, there's an accomplishment. You speak the language of your native land...congratulations...now go tell someone who cares. And then you're dumb enough to say that i don't speak Spanish? What in the hell does that have to do with anything? Yes, you're right, i don't know Spanish but there's a reason you see..hhhhmmmm, what can it be? Let me see..could it be because I'M ITALIAN YOU JACKASS?!?! Why the hell would i want to know Spanish for? This is America, we speak english here and that's the only language i need to know.
Now onto something personal. Castillo i suggest you stop with your racist remarks about the fact that i'm white. You can say what you want but it does nothing to tick me off. So listen up Angel Castro, you can eat all the mangos you want...hey, you know i just thought of something, they say that you are what you eat so that would make you a "fruit" wouldn't it? i guess i was right after all about you wasn't I?
So Angel.....Angel? Isn't that a girls' name?...Anyway, you can be the racist that you are because it doesn't matter what you are, black, white, hispanic,green ,purple, blue, whatever because it doesn't matter to me what color the person i kick the heck out of is. And will somebody please take a camera off of him and give me an opponent who can cut a descent promo? You have the intellect of a 14yr old. And when i step into that arena and the spotlight shines down upon me and the crowd reaches it's feet you will know that i mean business....on second thought you will know that i mean SHOW BUSINESS!! LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!!
Fade in to Showtime Steven James standing in the middle of the ring where the action is soon to take place. Almost all of the lights are out and he's the only person in the arena.
You know, as i stand here, looking around, i get goosebumps just thinking about what will occur in this ring, much like Sylvester Stallone did in Rocky 1. Angel, it doesn't matter how many languages you speak, or how many mangos you eat, because when you walk down that ramp, climb into this ring, and face me man to man, eye to eye all that will matter is what you can do. And i hope for your sake that your wrestling ability is better than your interview skills because they, quite frankly, suck. Insulting me because i'm white? Because of where i come from? You're reaching Angel, and everyone knows it.
Now just in case your wondering about what will happen let me explain. You see my music will hit, and i, Showtime himself, will enter through that curtain, spotlight and all. And as i make my way down the ring the people will me on their feet because they know that they are witnessing one of the best to ever grace a wrestling ring. And then they will witness me take care of business..or should i say Show Business. Because you see it will be you and I going at it, toe to toe in what i will make one of my best performances of my career.
So Angel, i leave you with this, you better come ready for a fight because when you get in the ring with me you will know that not only is it time, but it's Showtime.
FWrestling.com was founded in 1994 to promote a community of fantasy wrestling fans and leagues. Since then, we've hosted dozens of leagues and special events, and thousands of users. Come join and prove you're "Even Better Than The Real Thing."
Add Your League
If you want to help grow the community of fantasy wrestling creators, consider hosting your league here on FW. You gain access to message boards, Discord, your own web space and the ability to post pages here on FW. To discuss, message "Chad" here on FW Central.