Almost Live: Problem Child vs. Alex Wylde

[PaulNJ21]

This is a Russian Roulette Tag Team Partner match. The winner between the two enemies of Cruise will go on to face the winner of the match of Cameron Cruise' two hand selected partners. The RP deadline TUESDAY, September 08, 2009 at 11:59pm PST. There is no RP limit for this match. Send all angles to wfwnewrestling@gmail.com

 

[LQJT86C]

(FADEIN: Sitting on his couch in cut-off jeans and a Lamb of God t-shirt, PROBLEM CHILD stares at the piece of paper in his hand in total disbelief)

PC: Alex?...NO!...it...it can't be! The man who took me under his wing, brought me into the business, gave me my first title...

No, seriously, he gave it to me...he didn't want it anymore.

Alex Wylde, the guy whose back I used to watch. FRAT 2.0 ALEX! Remember?! Wait, wait, scrap that. The Prez 'round these parts don't like it when I talk about decade old angles.

So it's come to this, eh buddy? Me versus you to determine Cameron Cruise's partner. Alex, you know I'd never hurt ya buddy, but here's the deal: you can't tag with Cruise. Now listen, I know what you're thinking: "You little drug fiend sc*mbag! This is how you repay me for showing you the ropes? You will lay there for the ONE TWO THREE and you will like it!"

Slow down, dude. It ain't like that! The thing is, Alex...you're too good to team with Cruise. I, on the other hand, am not. And in my quest to tear down this crapper of an organization, it's really in my agenda's best interest for me to work alongside Cruise.

Personally, it would pain me to watch a top tier talent like you to be forced to walk out with CAMERON F*CKING CRUISE on a weekly basis. I won't have it, Alex! I don't wanna hurt you, but my fear of seeing you weighed down by Cruise will motivate me to score the pinfall victory. Really, it would be better if you called in sick or something.

Wait, on second thought: why the f*ck are you even HERE? You...do realize...where you are...don't you? This ain't your daddy's WFW........................................................NE.

It's Jason Payne and King Krusher's WFW..............................NE. And when they say N-E, they really do mean AN-Y, cause they're givin' out belts to just about anyone! They got the BAD belt, the GOOD belt, the WFW belt, the NEW belt, the PCX belt, the Unified belt, and sh*t...sometimes up to two people can hold a belt at once! Isn't that something? I've actually been meaning to talk to you about that...'cause I know you can win the World Title, and I was hoping we could share it, or maybe you could give it to me? Eh, we'll talk later.

You're too good for this place, and for Cameron Cruise. Why lower yourself? Go out, find a challenge, and leave the dingbats to me. If anyone should be forced to lower themselves, it should be ME.

You people don't realize, I was doing heroine before doing heroine was "cool." I was videotaping my mom getting banged out by Michael Clarke Duncan before such shenanigans were "en vogue." PC's an American original...save for my name, but uh...well, I've never been sued; no harm no foul!

But the era of originality has ended, at least in this DUMP. This is the WFW................NE, where gimmicks from 15 years ago thrive. Originality is so yesterday, and that's why it's only fitting I become the next Dangle Brother. Me and Cammy, we're hitting the bars and picking up some drunk Theta Pi girls! We're gonna TappaMegaKegga, if ya know what I mean! Cammy Cruise parties like a MAN...but with me at his side, the Dangle Brother experience is getting taken to the next level.

Alex, WFW......................NE is not the place for you. Somewhere with style, or class even. A1E, EPW, hell even NFW's got Hornet back...go play nicey nice with his crusty old ass and leave us jabronies alone. Sh*t man, go back to fixing cars, even that would be optimal compared to tagging with Cameron F*CKING Cruise. Let the janitors clean the sh*t, know what I mean boss?

Whatever happens at...wait what's this show called again? (Looks at paper) Almost Live....huh? How the f*ck can something be almost live? Like it's an unconcious hooker or something...

Whatever happens at Almost Live, it'll be for the best. If I have to hurt you, it was only to save you. See ya around, buddy.

(FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

(CUTTO: PROBLEM CHILD at Taco Bell)

PC: When it comes down to it, Alex, I prefer hardshell tacos over softshell.

(FADE)

 

[EGarrett]

(FADEIN on Alex Wylde behind his desk in the shoddy manager's office at A&W Auto Repair. After a few moments, the person working the camera manages to get it to hold steady on the tripod, and waves a hand in front of the camera to cue Wylde to speak.)

WYLDE: Well, I'm glad to say that the first match of this return and tentative contract worked out to my liking. Unfortunately, according to what I just heard, we've moved on into the some difficult territory. Apparently my demands for steady elevation weren't written clearly enough, and I'm now in the unfortunate position of wrestling an old ally for the honor of teaming with a man who I'm not sure I want to be associated with, in a position that I don't think will elevate me or sell many tickets...while assured that I'd have to do to the work of carrying the team.

(He gets up from behind the desk, then has to stop as the auto repairman drafted into camera position picks up the tripod and re-aligns it)

WYLDE: I guess the only apparent carrot on the stick here is that the intent is for the winner to make this guy's life miserable for the short-time they are teaming with him. That would certainly be something I could specialize in, and I guess Problem Child would as well. Naturally of course, we're still in the position of hammering out a few details of my contract for this particular match, and now adding provisions for what will happen if or when I become Cameron Cruise's tag team partner. Right now I'm leaning towards some type of rule that would allow the team to keep separate win/loss records so that I can get the pin in a match and keep the credit while if Cameron does the job it doesn't add unnecessary blemishes to my resume.

(Wylde grabs the phone)

WYLDE: So here's what I'm thinking. Win or lose on this match, and whatever idiot of the two that I have to wrestle in the Finals...instead of becoming Cruise's tag partner, I wish to ACQUIRE the rights to be Cruise's partner, to then dole out and control as I see fit. Yes, that will work just fine. That way, Problem Child may end up being your partner after all, with the natural 50/50 stake in your livelihood and career that any partner has. Or, I might take the spot myself if your opponent is Jean Rabesque or some other nitwit who I feel like mocking and tormenting for my own amusement. Your benefit in that case being having a genius of mischief at your side carrying you to looking good if not getting the credit for the victory. Then if you do make it to the big tag title shot and you haven't been a good egg, I may choose to give you a genius of a different type to fill in...like for example...Stephen Hawking. Don't worry...I hear he has a deadly left pinkie twitch. Or Stevie Wonder...who should have no problem holding his own as long as you lead him to the opponents and don't forget to escort him backstage after the match is over.

(He motions to the camera-man, who sets the camera back down as Alex leans against the desk)

WYLDE: What we're gonna do here is make a phone call to the WFW offices and set-up our proposed scenario. From there, I do have to head back to the gym and do some basic preparations for this match, as it would be messed up of me to disappoint the front office and the fans who still get excited when they hear my name. In the meantime, PC, I suggest that you develop some plans for Mr. Cruise, as in all likelihood it may end up that both of us are working his puppet strings for the time being, as I prepare for my challenge at whichever belt is currently considered the top title in WFW:NE. But more on that later.

(Wylde dials the phone. FADEOUT.)

 

[EGarrett]

(FADEIN on Alex Wylde sitting at his small desk at A&W Auto Repair in Atlantic City. He speaks on the phone, his voice off-mic, then hangs up and turns to the camera.)

WYLDE: Unfortunately I just got off the phone with some old associates, looking to break new ground in this upcoming match-up as always. My original request was going to be that I be allowed cornermen, as any great competitor has in the other combat sports...as a simple trial towards moving wrestling forward. Unfortunately, it turns out that these men, who I may have associated with in the past alongside Problem Child...are currently locked in a Turkish Prison for drug trafficking and are in a Sheboygan, Wisconsin Rehab Center without the ability to voluntarily leave. So, without giving away who they actually are *COUGH*TROY*COUGH*...I can only say that that plan will be scrapped for the time being. Instead, it is full steam ahead with my requested contract stipulation of being allowed full authority to chooose Cameron Cruise's tag partner on the likely chance that I emerge victorious from this mini-tournament. As I said before, I think Problem Child has the willingness and ability to make Cameron's life miserable, and tormenting this man for me won't share the same zest and motivation that I would have if it were, for instance...Jean Rabesque or that Southern partying ped(CONTENT DELETED TO AVOID LIBEL). Speaking of which, Shane, I've run up quite the tab in your name at Bare Exposure in Atlantic City. You might want to go settle that with the owners, because they do know your address and will be looking for you soon.

Anyway, with this stipulation in place. I'm free to claim victory here and over whatever talentless bum should win the other half of the tourney, and firmly implant my puppet strings in the ass of Mr. Cruise's career while continuing my focus on the only thing that obviously is of any interest to me...that being the shiny belt that signifies whoever is the best wrestler in the promotion. I'm not sure what the particular title of it is...but naturally it's going to have to end up around my waist by match or by some bizarre contractual loophole I workout whereby the champion wrestles a match where he loses the belt upon pinning me. Don't worry I have ways of making it happen. I mean let's be honest here. It takes a cheeky bastard (c) like myself to really be the World Champion, because the rest of these asswipes are just a bunch of phonies. After all, the ONLY value a World Title has is that there is only one champion. The others are all vying for that belt. It's relative to other people. Thus, when you win a championship, or any award, you're not celebrating your own achievement, I mean, the triumphant crying celebrations, and thank you speeches and all that, cut the ****. What you're really celebrating is being better than everyone else. So, this being a world where honesty is the best policy, the most fitting person to hold the World Title is someone who, A: Is genuinely better than everyone else in the promotion, and B: Is comfortable admitting that fact and reveling in it.

Now with that being said, Problem Child, Cameron...King whoever-the-hell-he-is...the same applies to our little situation over the tag team titles. I'm not your enemy here. I'm just someone who can bring a fresh dose of reality to your mediocre wishful-thinking filled existence. Obviously, Cameron, you have some talent, I...guess...and PC you definitely have the balls...but I combine both in one package. And what I'm offering to you is a deal, even if I'm not the one always wrestling, that would allow you suck at my teat and use it to retain the gold and make the rent. The stipulation works out fine, I can let you guys team up or whoever is a good partner if Cameron is a good-boy, then when it comes PPV time, when there's attention to be had, I can ride in like the Lone Ranger and suck up the credit and the adoration. The fans will dig it because someone who's actually over will be involved, your title reign won't be a big fat flame-out...and I can have my attention occupied for the time being.

Thus, I propose that rather than having all this messy "wrestling match stuff"...PC, you can come to the ring and just lay down and let me pin you without a fight. Then King Krusher or whoever the hell he is can come out the next match, and we can spout some gibberish to confuse him into giving up the match...you know...he is obviously a pinhead, and we can move on with this planned s--t stirring. But of course, if you really believe in all that crap about wrestling and honor and junk Cameron, or if PC really wants to prove something...we can do it the hard way. It's your call.

(He kicks up his feet and goes to sleep. FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

(FADEIN: PROBLEM CHILD on the steps of his Bronx apartment wearing a "CAMERON'S BFF" t-shirt)

PC: You know what, Alex? I like your thinking. Sorry folks, but the "old allies forced to do battle" epic you were hoping for isn't going to happen. All ticket sales are FINAL, so if you're looking for a refund- EHH! Sorry, it ain't happening. The only drama heading into this match is guessing which finger Alex is gonna pin me with. I've got twenty bucks in food stamp currency on the pinky.

As for my dear friend and future tag partner Cruise, he's gonna be thrilled with me at his side. Cammy, you've been singlehandedly devaluing titles for far too long, and personally...I think you need a break. I may not be quite the poison you are, but I've made more than a few fedheads cringe at the thought of "PC: Defending Champion!" Combine the two of us, and we'll make WFW...........

....

...

...NE the laughing stock of pro-wrestling! I know we can do it, and I'm looking forward to tagging with you, King Krusher be damned.

(FADE)