TV TITLE REMATCH: Malcolm Joseph-Jones vs. Rezin
[CUE UP: “Best of the Best” by KU.]
[Purple and white lights fill the arena. A strong, mostly supportive crowd reaction greets MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES, striding out onto the stage the moment the lyrics begin. He pauses only briefly as his half brother and newly appointed advisor ELIJAH JOSEPH steps out behind him. The two exchange a brief glance and nod before coming down the ramp, MJ2 taking point and looking pumped while Elijah takes his time following.]
DT: The WAR for the Television title was declared at Aggression 75, and continues here tonight in a battle between bitter rivals, representing the polar opposites of professional wrestling! Coming to the ring now is the Juggernaut out of Jackson, Missississippi, and the symbol of greatness… Malcolm Joseph-Jones!
DM: There is fierce determination in that man’s eyes tonight! He knows he was robbed of the Television Title last year, and he’s made it known that he won’t rest until he takes it back!
MN: Yeah, it all sounds big and bad… but after all that talk about how much of a badass he was on his own, why’d he sell out and hire himself a manager?
DT: Well clearly, there are other interests involved, given the familial relations between those two… although the recently revealed Elijah Jones has still been somewhat of a mystery since he first appeared. Nobody can be certain of his motivations… although his half-brother, on the other hand, has been pretty forward on his own intentions to one day stand at the top of the Empire!
DM: And becoming a two-time Television Champion will be a great leap forward in that mission.
[As MJ2 hits the ring, he rolls and pops to his feet, pumping his arms and getting some solid feedback from the fans. A few “EM-JAY-TWO!” chants pick up in time with the music. Regardless, Malcolm jaws with the few fans still giving him the thumbs down, who haven’t recognized the greatness. In the meantime, the camera catches Elijah Jones coming around the ring to the commentary table...]
MN: Hold up, gentlemen! We’ve got company!
DT: Oh my! Uhh… scoot over, Neels! Mr. Joseph, welcome! Have a seat, and take a headset!
ELIJAH JOSEPH: Good evening, gentlemen… I was hoping I could meet with the three of you sooner or later.
DM: I think we kinda feel the same way. A lot of people are wondering what sort of things are in the mix now that you’re working with your half-brother. Are you over-seeing his training? Maybe some backstage politics while he concentrates on the ring?
EJ: Frankly, Mr. Matthews… I didn’t come out here to divulge on my affairs. At this point, I’m just gonna say that I’m simply appointed as Malcolm’s advisor… and you can take that for what it is. Tonight, though… it’s all about MJ2. It’s about about bringing the Television Title BACK to the side of greatness...
[CUE UP: “Legalise Drugs & Murder” by Electric Wizard.]
[The lights black out as the song’s opening bonghit sound effect give way to guitar feedback, and the arena lights up in strobes. The FIRES OF HELL shoot up from the stage right on the downbeat. The fans JEER as a shadow emerges through the black smoke, cackling madly in his reaper coat get-up. It’s REZIN, hoisting the bucket of sludge triumphantly over his head and bearing the Television Title around his waist worn upside down in sacrilegious defiance. Appearing close beside him is CAITLYN DAYMON, wearing a denim patch vest over a black halter and leather pants, looking like half-assed biker girl crossed with a crust punk scenester. Hooking an arm under Rezin’s, the terrible two come down the ramp side by side, mouthing off to the fans and every opportunity, with the TV Champ threatening to give somebody a disgusting faceful of black chum more than once. In the ring, MJ2 coldly stares him down with murderous RAGE...]
DT: On their way to the ring now is Empire Pro’s own match made in HELL! As if it wasn’t bad enough that the Television Title fell into the hands of the diabolical high-flying fiend REZIN… but now with an absolutely twisted person like Caitlyn Daymon in his ear, there’s no telling WHAT kind of madness is in store for the federation!
DM: However it ends… it won’t be pretty.
MN: Bah, you guys just don’t have the DEPTH of MIND to understand a guy like Rezin! EVERYTHING ENDS, Dean-O! And Rezin is professional wrestling’s GRIM REAPER! Elijah, bro, I gotta give your boy Malcolm all the props in the world… but he’s making an outright MISTAKE trying to take back the Television Title! He could have a bright career ahead of him… but all that he can possibly get from a battle with a maniac like Rezin is ruin!
EJ: You’re wrong about that, Neely… as you’ll see soon enough.
[Rezin throws off the coat and sets down the bucket before rolling under the ropes and coming to his feet. Pat Jones quickly separates the two men from immediately going nose-to-nose. Rezin breaks up the tension by unclasping the belt and taking a few opportunities to show it off to the fans, who continuously jeer him. Caitlyn, meanwhile, snatches up ring announcer Tony Fatora’s chair while he’s still standing in the ring and decides to jump in on commentary as well.]
MN: Oh boy… here comes MORE company!
DT: Oh jeez… Caitlyn Daymon! Uhh…
[She wedges herself between Dean and Dave and snatches up a headset before they can say anything.]
CAITLYN DAYMON: HELLO?! HELLO?! Is this thing on?
DT: You’re on, Caitlyn… what are you doing here?
CD: Not a bad question… although a BETTER question is what brings THIS shlub out here! I’m a seasoned MANAGER in this federation, and this poindexter thinks he can just waltz up here and shill his weak product on company time? MOMMA-BEAR doesn’t think so…
DT: Be as it may… this table can only realistically seat four --
CD: SSHHHH!!! SSHHHH!! There’s TALKING, you idiot!
[CUT TO: The ring, as champion and challenger stand face to face with senior official Pat Jones standing in place. Tony Fatora linger in the background, making the opening announcements.]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen… the following contest is for the EMPIRE PRO TELEVISION TITLE!!
TF: Introducing first, the challenger… fighting out of Jackson, Mississippi, he weighs in at an astounding 290 pounds… PLEASE WELCOME… MALCOLM… JOSEPH… JOOOOOOOONNNNEEESSS!!!
[MJ2 takes in a DEEP BREATH as the fans howl behind him, seemingly GROWING in size as he looms over his opponent.]
TF: And the opponent… hailing from Indianapolis, Indiana, and weighing in at 226 pounds… he is the EMPIRE PRO TELEVISION CHAMPION… he is the ESCAPE ARTIST… RRRRRREEEEEEEZZZZZIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!
Crowd: “REZ-IN SUCKS!! RE-ZIN SUCKS!! RE-ZIN SUCKS!! RE-ZIN SUCKS!!”
[Brazenly staring daggers back up to MJ2’s burning eyes, Rezin holds up the TV Title over his head with a single arm, like a thief crowing over his loot. A moment later, he hands it over to Pat Jones. The referee shows it to all four directions before handing it over to Fatora on his way out of the ring. With everything in place, MJ2 and Rezin back up into their corners, and the official cues the bell…]
SFX: *DING! DING!*
DT: There’s the bell to start the match, as both men come out of their corners, and begin circling around the center of the ring! MJ2 picking up the pace… Rezin skipping back on his toes, trying to keep up… and now it escalates to an all-out CHASE!
DM: MJ2 is clearly NOT messing around tonight!
EJ: He doesn’t mess around ANY night, Mr. Matthews!
DT: The challenger is closing the gap, but before he can get to him, the Television Champion sticks his head out through the ropes and practically has to yank Pat Jones in the way! MJ2, with NO patience for that kind of nonsense tonight, promptly yanks the ref to the SIDE and pulls Rezin out of the ropes!
CD: WHAT?! Where’s the call, ref?!
MN: Looks like he just wants to stay the hell out of this!
DT: MJ2 wrangling Rezin easily with his advantage in power… BIG FOREARM SHOT rocks the champ! Now he spins him around… UP and DOWN AGAIN right on the pelvic region with the ATOMIC DROP!
DM: HA! Look at Rezin SCAMPERING AWAY on his KNEES, clutching that tender region! The look on his face clearly says that his night just took a turn for the worse!
DT: Here he is reaching for the ropes, but the challenger gets a handful of that thin, blackened mop of hair on Rezin’s head and YANKS him to his feet! MJ2 trying for the waistlock… but no, the champ with an ELBOW to the abdomen! ANOTHER elbow… MJ2 stunned, as Rezin goes off the ropes -- HYUUUUGGE CLOTHESLINE FROM MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES, and the goat bastard nearly got turned inside out!
DT: Not looking good for your client early on, Ms. Daymon!
CD: SHUT UP, Dave! Obviously, it doesn’t LOOK good! But if you weren’t such an idiot, maybe you’d realize that there’s plenty of match left!
DT: That may be, but for the time being… MJ2 scooping Rezin off the mat… hooks the LEGS -- and FLATTENS HIM with a SPINEBUSTER! The challenger, with the cover!
Rezin with the shoulder up! There may be plenty of match left, Caitlyn, but I’m beginning to wonder how much of that the Television Champion can make it through before Malcolm Joseph-Jones starts pulling his ARMS off!
EJ: We needn’t be that dramatic, Mr. Thomas… but I assure y’all, it won’t be pretty.
CD: Oh give me a break… have you looked in a MIRROR lately, Four-Eyes?!
DT: Okay, knock it off, you two… we’ve got a match to call here! Malcolm Joseph-Jones, keeping up the pace, scoops the Television Champion back off the mat… no wait, Rezin hooks him around the head -- COUNTERS with a quick JAWBREAKER to leave MJ2 reeling! Joseph-Jones coming back… gets TAGGED AGAIN with a standing dropkick to the face! Rezin up, bursting forward… a SECOND dropkick to the legs takes the challenger down!
CD: NOW we’re talking!
DM: Looks like we might actually have a fight on our hands...
DT: MJ2 shaking his head as he pushes himself up to his knees, but here comes Rezin again, running at him and putting the HEEL straight to the temple to kick him over onto his back! Now to the turnbuckle… CLIMBING UP TO THE TOP! The Television Champion is going for the high-risk maneuver, pulling out all the stops to combat the size and strength of the challenger, Malcolm Joseph-Jones!
MN: He’s gotta stick to his own strengths to get through this one, and NOBODY can deny that the Escape Artist has MAD UPS!
DT: Rezin perched up top, waiting for MJ2 to rise to his feet again… Malcolm Joseph-Jones is up, turns around… here comes REZIN WITH THE DIVING CROSS-BODY BLOCK -- NO!! THE CHALLENGER CATCHES HIM OUT OF THE AIR!
MN: Uh oh…
DT: Rezin in a BAD place… MJ2 drives him DOWN ON THE KNEE -- and from the RIB-BREAKER, transitions into a POWERSLAM!! What a BEAUTIFUL one-two punch from MJ2, and he hooks the leg for the cover!
Thr -- NO!! Near three count, but the crafty Television Champion managed to squirm out of it!
EJ: I have a feeling we’ll watch him squirm all night…
CD: …I’m sorry, what was your name again? Ernest? Edgerrin?
EJ: …my name is Elijah Joseph.
CD: Well, Elijah… I don’t know quite how to tell you this, but you have a REALLY boring voice, and nobody really asked for your opinion anyway, so if you could be a dear and just remember your friggin’ roll as a mute imbecile, I’d REALLY appreciate it! Kay, thanx, bai…
DM: Who said anybody asked for YOUR opinion, Caitlyn?!
DT: Back in the ring… MJ2 has been arguing with senior official Pat Jones on the count, but Pat was clear that Rezin got the shoulder up. Rezin, meanwhile, with a small window to recover, has crawled his way over to the corner and propped himself up against the bottom turnbuckle to catch his breath and protect his backside!
DM: He’s clearly not going to make the mistake of turning his back on MJ2 anymore!
DT: Here comes the challenger again, this time to finish the job he started the second the bell rang! Rezin, kicking a leg up to push him back… MJ2 just shoves it aside, and comes in with a STOMP AIMED AT THE HEAD -- NO! Rezin rolls out through the ropes at the last second, and MJ2 stepped on nothing but turnbuckle!
EJ: Hmph… so the insect scampers away, but at least he has him on the run.
MN: Well, Mr. Joseph… with all due respect to your half-brother’s abilities, assuming you’ve got the best of Rezin is one of the worst mistakes you could possibly make!
DT: MJ2 calling Rezin back in the ring… the Television Champ keeps his eyes on him, slowly circling around to the other side of the ring and letting himself catch his breath while Pat Jones goes through the count! The delay in action only seems to be aggravating Malcolm Joseph-Jones!
Crowd: “REZ-IN-SUCKS!! REZ-IN-SUCKS!! REZ-IN-SUCKS!!”
DT: The goat bastard GLARING at these fans, taunting him to go back in there and fight! Pat Jones at the count of eight now, and the Television Champ has no choice but to slide back in under the bottom rope -- and right back OUT as soon as he sees MJ2 raging right up to him! There’s no way he’s getting back into that ring without the challenger getting a free shot on him!
CD: Come on, how is this fair?!
DM: Fair or not, you can’t deny that Rezin put himself in this situation by leaving the ring…
DT: The count is reset, but Rezin has in no way progressed his position from the outside of the ring… up onto the apron now, telling Jones to hold the restless MJ2 back, and the senior official complies, only on the basis of upholding the rules… Rezin HOPS the ropes -- and here comes MJ2!! JUST BARELY takes the TV Champ’s head off with the running HAMMERBLOW, but the nimble Escape Artist rolled clear!
MN: Did you forget to give your half-brother SPEED training, Ee-Jay?!
DT: Rezin back on his feet… MJ2 puts himself into the ropes and comes charging across the ring, and Rezin likewise hits the other set for some speed… DUCKS a running YAKUZA KICK by the challenger that nearly took his head off! Here’s the Television Champion, JUMPING into the ropes -- SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT lays out MJ2!
DT: Rezin with the lateral press!
And Malcolm Joseph-Jones POWERS out! It caught him by surprise, but it will take more than that to keep the powerhouse down for three!
EJ: No reason to be concerned yet… Malcolm’s barely broken a sweat.
DT: MJ2 quickly getting back to his feet, but Rezin just a bit QUICKER -- SIDE HOOK KICK directed right at the side of the head, and the challenger only just BARELY got his hands up in time to shield the impact! It still struck him hard enough to roll him back to the canvas, groaning in pain… and the Television Champ punishes him further by landing some barefoot stomps with that hammer-like heel of his!
CD: I keep telling him… wear the BOOTS, ya idiot! It makes the stomping THAT much more effective!
DT: The reigning Television Champion, Rezin, looking to turn this match around… here he is, running off the ropes again, looking for the SOCCER KICK -- but MJ2 GETS THE HAND UP and SWEEPS HIM TO THE MAT instead! Now the challenger has him by the NECK!! MJ2, rising to his feet… lifting the GOAT BASTARD OFF THE MAT by the THROAT… aaaand, NO!! Rezin kicks BOTH DANGLING LEGS into MJ2’s abdomen, doubling him over and dropping the champ back to his feet!
MN: TOLD YA!
DT: MJ2 is stunned, and Rezin with the facelock… FACEBUSTER DDT!! And the TV Champ rises up to his knees, CACKLING MADLY into the audience! Once again, he’s scraped his way back from the edge of elimination, and taken control of the battle! The challenger, still trying to force himself up… but Rezin is looking to capitalize, as he goes into the corner and finds his spot at the top turnbuckle! MJ2 turning around… REZINRANA FROM THE TOP ROPE ROLLS HIM ONTO HIS BACK!! The Television Champion with the PIN!
NO! MJ2 kicks out, but looks a bit slower getting up this time!
DM: The champion is turning up the dial on this one, and the exhaustion is beginning to show on the larger Malcolm Joseph-Jones as he expends more energy trying to keep up!
CD: My man is running CIRCLES around your bro, Elwood!
EJ: Once again, my name is Elijah… and I assure you, there is no QUESTION to Malcolm’s ability to “keep up”.
DT: Rezin back on his feet first, and takes the opportunity to mug for the fans… but now he’s got his back to the challenger… MJ2 rising, and he sees an opening! MJ2 lunging -- NO!! REZIN COUNTERS WITH THE DAMASCUS HEEL!! SPINNING HEEL KICK CONNECTS, and Malcolm’s eyes ROLL BACK into his head as he drops to his knees!!
MN: OH MAN!! He’s out like a LIGHT!
CD: HAHAHAHAHA!! Beautiful! Deliberately BAITED HIM into that one!
DT: The challenger has dropped to his hands and knees, struggling to stay off the mat! The Television Champion thinking pin, but suddenly changes his mind as he circles around behind MJ2! Hands out to the sides, tongue hanging out… this could only mean the COTTONMOUTH!!
DM: And MJ2 is completely vulnerable! He’s blinking his eyes and coming to, but still shaking out the cobwebs from that stunning spinning heel kick!
DT: Rezin waiting for the right moment… MJ2 pushes back up to his knees, and here comes the champ… HEAD BACK, and NO!! MJ2 BRACES HIS ARM AGAINST THE CLAW!!
DT: Rezin grinding his way down with those fingers HOOKED and inches away from the challenger’s face… but MJ2 is GRITTING HIS TEETH like a BEAST, fighting with everything he’s got! EVERY MUSCLE pulsating… Rezin beginning to QUAKE under the strain of the power, and a look of PANIC strikes the champion’s face!
CD: NOOOO NONONONO -- !!
DT: SNAPMARE!! Rezin gets whipped HARD onto his back as MJ2 dodges the submission finish! Now the JUGGERNAUT from JACKSON has a chance to turn this match around! He’s got Rezin by the HAIR, and the TV Champ’s face goes WILD with pain! Malcolm Joseph-Jones wraps his arms around the head… GOING FOR THE GREATNESS CHOKES!! HE’S GOT IT LOCKED --
NO, WAIT… LOW BLOW by Rezin! Pat Jones doesn’t SEE IT!
EJ: WHAT!? How could that imbecile miss that?!
MN: Well, Elijah, let’s not forget that he’s got the same idiot genes as his son Aaron…
DM: To be fair, Pat’s attention was up near Rezin’s face, looking for the submission! Rezin could have really got an Oscar nomination for that performance…
CD: Just a nomination, Dean-O? Screw that… he’s taking home the GOLD!
DT: MJ2 is STUNNED in pain… and Rezin with the three-quarter facelock… bounces off his feet for THE REZ HIT --
AND MJ2 LAUNCHES HIM OFF!! He just won’t quit!
MN: Getting HECTIC now!!
DT: Rezin hits the mat running… goes RIGHT into the ropes… comes back and --
GOOOOD-GAWD WHADDA SPEAR BY MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES!!! THE TELEVISION CHAMPION JUST GOT BROKEN IN HALF!!
Crowd: “EM-JAY-TWO!! EM-JAY-TWO!! EM-JAY-TWO!! EM-JAY-TWO!! EM-JAY-TWO!!”
DM: WOW!! If he wore any shoes, he would have just got knocked the UFF right out of them!
EJ: Looks like someone ELSE will be taking home the gold…
DT: MJ2 peeling Rezin off of the mat… and the Television Champion is simply too STUNNED to do anything to defend himself right now! Malcolm draws him in… hooking the legs and ONTO THE SHOULDERS…
...AND DOWN HE COMES with the GREATNESS BUSTER!! Rezin gets DRILLED into the mat!
CD: Okay, screw it… time for Plan B!
[CUT TO: The commentary table as Caitlyn frantically grabs the styro cup in front of Neely and quickly throws its contents into Elijah Joseph’s face before ripping off the headset and dashing away from the scene as quickly as possible.]
DT: Caitlyn with the water to the face of her rival manager, and she just booked it out of here!
MN: Uh, try vodka…
EJ: AGH… my EYES!!
DM: Quick, Mike, give him your hankie…
EJ: GOD, NO!!
[CUT TO: The ring, as MJ2 goes for the pin.]
DT: Caitlyn running to the ring… nobody to stop her as Malcolm Joseph-Jones makes the cover for the win!
THR -- CAITLYN JUST PULLED REZIN FROM THE RING!!
DT: Pat Jones has no choice on this as he cues the bell! MJ2 pumps back to his feet and looks FURIOUS!!
SFX: *DING! DING! DING!*
TF: Ladies and gentlemen… due to outside interference, the Television Champion REZIN has been DISQUALIFIED! As a result, here is your winner… MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES!!
DT: A bittersweet victory for the challenger! He looked for certain he would reclaim the Television Title, but the clever Escape Artist has gotten away with the belt yet again, this time with the help of his new manager!
EJ: DAMNIT! That… goddamn woman!
MN: Chill, Elijah! Okay, so you aren’t walking away with gold, at least your brother won the match!
[CUT TO: The commentary table, as Elijah Joseph finishes wiping what remained of Mike Neely’s drink from his face and glasses with his own handkerchief. He promptly folds it up and puts it back in its place in his pocket before rising from his seat, a foreboding look on his determined face…]
EJ: No… not YET.
[Joseph sets down the headset and leaves the table. The crew’s attention suddenly shifts back to the ring…]
DT: Hang on, what’s going on here back in the ring!?
[CUT TO: MJ2, still in the ring, standing at the ropes, barraging the cheating duo with a storm of insults and curses. One of Caitlyn’s arms clutches the EPW Television Title while the other desperately reels in Rezin, still staggering on his feet after the effects of the Greatness Buster. The denim-clad diva counters with some of her own venomous backtalk while trying to back up the rampway… but she fails to notice the figure approaching from behind.]
DT: It’s ELIJAH JOSEPH… and he’s got that BUCKET OF SLUDGE!!
MN: Oh no, LOOK OUT, CAITLYN!!
[At the last moment, Rezin’s eyes POP OPEN once he sees who’s sneaking up behind them… and in a move than can only be described as typical for the despicable Television Champion, he instinctively yanks CAITLYN in the way to take the brunt of the damage as Malcolm’s half-brother upends the bucket and douses her in a wet coat of BLACK SLIME! Caitlyn SHRIEKS, frozen in shock and repulsion! All around her, the fans POINT AND LAUGH!]
DT: HAHAHAHAHA!! Well, I’d say KARMA has finally caught up to Caitlyn Daymon!
DM: And something tells me that karma is still catching up to Rezin, because MJ2 looks more determined than ever to get his absolute revenge on the man that stole the Television Title from him!
DT: No doubt, this is all going to come to a head at Wrestleverse V… but right now, we need to take a commercial break. We’ll be right back, ladies and gentlemen!
[As a furious and ostensibly violent Caitlyn savages Rezin back up the rampway in a flurry of sludge-soaked slaps and scratches, MJ2 is joined by Elijah in the ring. The bespectacled Joseph points to the WRESTELEVERSE V banner hanging up in the rafters… and a determined smile crosses the face of Malcolm Joseph-Jones.]