Dopesmoker & The Colossal Connection vs. Team VIAGRA
[REPLAY: Highlight reel of High Flyer and Dopesmoker going at it in the opening match of Wrestleverse, with a good number of shots of “the Escape Artist” playing nasty and Tony Davis trying to do something about it. The finish of High Flyer securing the pinfall for the win is soon followed by Dopesmoker’s post-match rampage on Davis with a chair, before being chased out of the ring by the victor.]
[CUT TO: Kenny Lombardo backstage, mic in hand, standing with both members of the Colossal Connection who are just moments away from heading to the ring.]
KL: What we just saw there, fans, were the major events in the opening match of Wrestleverse, leaving us with a lot of lingering questions as to the change in behavior in Erik Black. In recent months, the man known in the ring as Dopesmoker has been increasingly reclusive from the public eye... uncharacteristically missing promo periods... occasionally showing up with seemingly nonsensical tirades on the state of the federation.
[He turns to the Russian-born giant.]
KL: Ivan Dalkichev... you’ve been a tag partner to that man for many years as the Chronic Collision, formerly the Crimson Calling, so we can assume that nobody knows the Dopesmoker better than you. But looking back on that clip, what can say on his actions?
[“The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev grimaces as he shakes his head disapprovingly and lets out a bass-heavy sigh.]
ID: Hrrmm... to be truthful with you, Kenny, I find it hard to say anything. Erik and me... we came up through this business together. He is like a brother to me. I look at that video, and I think... how can my brother do such a thing? But it is not my place to question his choices. Nor my loyalty. Whatever Erik does with himself is beyond my control... but whenever he needs a man by his side, I will be there. Such is the case tonight...
[“The Viking Violator” Olvir Arsvinnar suddenly leans into the shot and takes over the mic.]
OA: I’ll tell you, Talk Man, what the Great Olvir SEES in your magical moving pictures!! I see our BROTHER IN ARMS taking YUSTICE in his own hands! The puny peckers of Team VIAGRA should TREMBLE IN FEAR!! No longer can they overwhelm our ally with numbers... for the COLOSSAL CONNECTION have the back of the Dopesmoker!
KL: Well gentlemen, in that case, good luck tonight in the ring against Team V.I.A.G.R.A. Hopefully, this rare Chronic Collision reunion will bring your friend to his senses.
ID: Let’s hope so, Kenny.
[Ivan nods and both members of the Colossal Connection turn to the curtain.]
[CUT TO: Two handsome gents and an ogre named Neely behind the commentary table.]
DT: There you heard it from our man backstage, Kenny Lombardo... not even Dopesmoker’s longtime tag partner, “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev, can offer much explanation as to just what’s in “the Escape Artist’s” head right now.
DM: Nothing is proven, but the prevailing theory is the obvious abuse. If Dopesmoker gets any more out of control, Dan Ryan might have to give this federation’s wellness policy some stricter enforcement.
MN: You guys must be HIGH, or something. Everybody can say what they want, but it was clear to me that Tony Davis deserved an ass-kicking just for sticking his nose into that match. Even the dumb Viking’s got that figured out, so I can’t understand for the life of me how YOU guys can’t see the obvious.
[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang. The fans POP as Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s video plays over the EmpireTron. A moment later, High Flyer, Tony Davis, and Mary-Lynn Mayweather emerge from the entry-way. The trio stand on the stage for a moment, Mayweather flanked by the men and all three energetically pumping up the crowd in a decent photo op moment, and then they make their way down the ramp to the ring.]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a six-man tag team match set for one fall! Introducing first... at a combined weight of six hundred and five pounds... here are HIGH FLYER... TONY DAVIS... and MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER... together, they are... TEEEEAAAAM VIIIIAAAAAAGRRAAAAAA!!!
DT: In any case, Team V.I.A.G.R.A. is no doubt wanting a little payback on Dopesmoker in response to his actions at Wrestleverse!
DM: I’d say it’s due...
MN: Uhh... why’s the babe dressed to compete? I thought she just managed these trailer park all-stars!
DM: In actuality, Mike, Mary-Lynn Mayweather has been capable of some remarkable wrestling prowess, from what I’ve seen of her work outside of Empire Pro. She’s been trained by High Flyer, and I hear she makes an excellent prodigy.
MN: If she’s trained by High Flyer, then I assume we shouldn’t expect much, huh? But seriously, a CHICK?
DT: How’s that a problem, Mike, or does the name “Lindsay Troy” mean nothing to you?
MN: All I think when I hear “Lindsay Troy” is of that dark, Sean Stevens-less blot in Empire Pro history, so YES, that name DOES mean nothing me. But I mean, it’s a six-MAN tag match, right? Wouldn’t it be false advertising when all we can deliver is five guys and some tee-en-aye?
DM: Mike, shut the hell up before somebody kicks your ass... again.
[Team V.I.A.G.R.A. hit the ring with the crowd pumping behind them. All three take separate turnbuckles posing to the crowd in another rare photo op moment as the full team take to the ring together.]
[CUE UP: “Beer, Drugs, and Bishes” by Viking Skull. The fans continue cheering, albeit with slightly less enthusiasm, as the giant duo of “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev and “The Viking Violator” Olvir Arsvinnar stride out onto the stage and astound the crowd with some side-by-side hip-thrusting before proceeding toward the ring.]
TF: And the opponents... at a combined weight of seven hundred and seventy five pounds... “THE SONIC TITAN” IVAN DALKICHEV... “THE VIKING VIOLATOR” OLVIR ARSVINNAR... THE COOOOLOSSAAAALLL CONNNNEEEECTIIIIOOOONNN!!!
DT: Payback won’t be easy for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. as long as THESE twin towers occupy the ring!
MN: Are you kidding, Dave? These guys are PUSHOVERS! They haven’t even won a match since they first joined forces!
DM: Truly, the Colossal Connection have faced some unlucky breaks, but you have to admire their positive attitude and their devotion to the fans. If they can pick up a win tonight, it might just be the spark they need to start dominating the tag team division.
DT: High Flyer and Tony Davis pose as significant tag competitors... but look at the way these two are just OGLING at Mary-Lynn Mayweather as they arrive at the ring!
[CLOSE-UP: A huge, horny grin on Olvir’s face as he looks at Mayweather from across the ring. He gives a seductive flex of his physique leaving women swooning out in the front row, but Mary-Lynn shakes her head and assures him it’s not going to happen.]
MN: My, my... I am impressed! She resisted the irresistible mojo of “the Butt-Dominator”!
DM: The only butt-domination on her mind is her foot in his ass!
DT: Are we forgetting someone here? Where is the sixth man in this match?
[CUE UP: “Holy Mountain” by Sleep. Lukewarm crowd reaction as Dopesmoker’s video package plays. After several long moments, “the Escape Artist” steps out onto the stage looking pale, haggard, and exhausted, sans robe, bong, or other accessories. His appearance is in stark contrast to the grinning and impish character we see in the highlight reels on the EmpireTron. Glossy-eyed and wiping the corners of his whiskered mouth, Dopesmoker wanders down the ramp to the ring.]
TF: And their partner... from Indianapolis, Indiana, and weighing in at two-hundred and twenty one pounds... DDDOOOOOOPESMMOOOOOKEEERRRR!!!
MN: Ask and ye shall receive, Dave!
DM: Just looking at him, I can tell you he’s in no condition to compete tonight.
MN: What are you talking about? He looks FINE! A little grizzlier, yeah, but that just makes him more mannish-looking, you know what I’m saying?
DM: I know enough, Neels... for one, you’re a moron, and two, whatever Dopesmoker is on, it’s BAD. Look at him coming down the ramp now... moving slow as a slug and filthy as a hobo.
MN: I don’t hear anybody complaining about the way Stalker looks. Seriously, look at the INTENSITY in Dopesmoker’s eyes right now. Look at the FOCUS. They’re red with a newfound fire!
DT: No, Neely... they’re red because he’s HIGH.
MN: Say what you will, but even you can’t deny... this new Dopesmoker just kicks more ass than the old one. I can’t help but LOVE the plain ol’ “I don’t give a EFF-BOMB” attitude. Try to live that way myself...
DT: Yeah, we can tell...
[Dopesmoker reaches the ring, lazily rolling himself under the bottom rope. He’s slow to get up, remaining in a seated position for a few moments as if contemplating to himself whether he’s competent enough to stand. Then his head slowly turns to the corner of Team V.I.A.G.R.A., and based on the sinister and unhinged look in his eye, it’s clear that he’s not as messed up as he initially appeared to be. Finally, he pulls himself to his feet with the help of the ropes and goes to his corner.]
DT: Well, after all that... Dopesmoker goes to corner. No shucking and jiving tonight, it seems.
DM: Ivan and Olvir look a little concerned... I wonder if they have their own doubts. But Dopesmoker seems to be reassuring them that he’s good to do this. Now he’s making the same reassurances to the official on duty in this match, Andrew Gardell. I don’t know if I’d trust his word, but at least he’s sober enough to answer the ref.
MN: Good enough for me. Let’s GET IT ON!
DM: Dopesmoker remains in his corner as the Colossal Connection go the apron... and on the other side of the ring, it looks as though Tony Davis is pretty adamant about starting things off for Team VIAGRA. No doubt, he can’t WAIT to get his hands on “The Escape Artist”!
DT: Referee Andrew Gardell gives the cue to the timekeeper...
[SFX: *DING! DING!*]
DT: …and the match is underway! Tony Davis stepping out of his corner... but Dopesmoker seems a little reluctant to meet him in the center of the ring!
DM: A sardonic smirk now appearing on the face of the Dopesmoker as he sees Davis beckoning him to step up and fight... and instead, he defers it over to “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev with the tag!
Crowd: “BOOOOO!!”
DT: The Dopesmoker decides he’d rather back away from this encounter for the time being, and the fans clearly don’t like it!
DM: Can’t say I disagree with them!
MN: Oh, come on! Do you not see the wild and malicious look in Tony Davis’ eyes?! That maniac’s clearly out to seriously HURT somebody tonight!
DT: Considering what was done to him at Wrestleverse, I can’t say I blame him! Regardless, Ivan Dalkichev doesn’t seem to have any qualms with getting right into this match... in a heartbeat, he’s over the ropes in a single step... and he practically BARRELS over Tony Davis as he goes right into the lock-up!
DM: Ivan pushing forward, putting all his weight behind it, and Davis finds himself backed into the corner! Gardell calls for the break, and Ivan quickly backs off...
DT: Ivan is culling Tony Davis right out of that corner... Tony leaps forward right into another lock-up, but Dalkichev just SHOVES him right back into the corner!
MN: That guy is just RIDICULOUSLY huge! What are they feeding these kids in Russia nowadays?!
DM: Here’s Dalkichev, tauntingly flexing to show Tony Davis his immense advantage in size and strength! But Davis, undaunted, comes right back out of the corner... he shoots LOW and quickly slips under Dalkichev’s arms to put the big man in a rear waistlock!
DT: Few have ever had much luck in a grappling battle with the St. Petersburg-born giant, but Tony Davis has quite an abundance of strength himself! Davis trying to take Dalkichev down, but “The Sonic Titan” tries swinging his weight around to cast him off!
DM: Davis not loosening his grip, though! Wait a second... he hooks the leg, and the GIANT GOES DOWN to the mat with a legsweep!
MN: What a punk! He had to go for the injured leg!
DM: Right away, the weakness shows in the big man’s leg as he hits the canvas and loses his positioning! You have to wonder how much of a liability it’s going to be as this match wears on!
DT: Dalkichev slow to react, and Davis quickly slaps on a side headlock before he can make a move! Look at him just WRENCH that forearm into the Russian’s pulsating temples!
MN: It’s like watching someone try to pop a really huge zit...
DM: Davis knows he needs to wear down the giant before “The Sonic Titan” really gets rolling... but Dalkichev still has plenty left in the tank, as he works his way back to his feet! Even Tony Davis’ strength can’t keep the big man down!
DT: Dalkichev advances to his feet... Davis still wrenching that headlock HARD, but Ivan isn’t backing down! Instead, he’s backing UP into the ropes... and Tony Davis is forcibly PUSHED off!
DM: Davis in motion now, off the ropes... OH MAN, and he HITS THE MAT right after running into a brick wall of a shoulder block from Dalkichev! Ivan in motion now, off of the ropes... he bounces over Davis as he goes for the trip... Dalkichev looking for the LARIAT as he rebounds and Davis rises --
MN: SWING AND A MISS!!
DT: Tony Davis DEFTLY avoids the clothesline attempt, and Ivan NEARLY tumbles over the ropes as three-hundred plus pounds of blindly-charging momentum comes to a grinding halt!
DM: Hard to stop all that weight once it gets moving... Ivan, off balance as he comes reeling off the ropes, and he walks right into Davis... Davis PICKS HIM UP WITH THE POWERSLAM!! OH MAN, WHAT POWER!!
Crowd: *POP!!*
MN: WOW...
DT: Tony Davis just managed to slam a four-hundred-plus pound athlete, and that move just SHOOK the ring as the giant went back-first to the mat!
DM: Tony Davis could see Dalkichev’s center of balance was askew, and he just rolled with it! That young man possesses some TRULY remarkable strength!
DT: Dalkichev is stunned on his back, and Davis quickly hooks the leg for a cover!
One...
Two...
And it’s BROKEN UP by Olvir Arsvinnar, courtesy of a boot to the back of Davis’ head! Olvir wasn’t about to let this match slip away without getting involved in some part!
MN: Damn... I was kinda hoping for a quick, easy match.
DM: Tony Davis gives Olvir a threatening look after that boot to the head, but Andrew Gardell is already ordering the Viking back into his corner! Davis, meanwhile, has complete control of Ivan Dalkichev, who is still looking a little stunned after that BIG slam... Davis has the big man by the hurt leg, and he’s trying to drag him closer to his corner!
DT: He’s looking to tag out to High Flyer... but wait, he turned his head away from the Raging Russian, and gets BOOTED right into his corner! Dalkichev trying to crawl to his corner now... but Davis instinctively makes the tag to Flyer!
DM: Look out for High Flyer! Flyer, springing to the top rope... OH MAN, he CONNECTS right across the back of Ivan Dalkichev with a diving ELBOW DROP to enter the ring! Dalkichev isn’t escaping this beating anytime soon!
DT: Dalkichev rolls onto his back in pain... but watch Flyer, popping back to his feet! High Flyer off the ropes in a BLUR -- and Dalkichev takes a running 450 SPLASH FROM HIGH FLYER!!
[Crowd: *POP!*]
MN: That guy drinks WAAY too much coffee! He’s only been in the ring for fifteen seconds, and he’s already bouncing off the walls!
DT: High Flyer hooks the legs for a cover...
One...
Two...
And this time, Ivan Dalkichev POWERS right out, practically tossing High Flyer off his chest!
DM: I think “The Sonic Titan” has had about ENOUGH of this punishment! Flyer quickly up again as Dalkichev struggles to his feet... Flyer into the ropes... comes back with the LOU THESZ PRESS -- BUT NO, Dalkichev SHUTS IT DOWN with a SPINEBUSTER!!
Crowd: *POP!*
MN: What the hell was he thinking?! Dalkichev’s nearly TWICE his weight!
DT: Dalkichev with an opportunity to make a tag... and he finds “The Viking Violator” Olvir Arsvinnar in his corner! High Flyer back on his feet as Arsvinnar wastes no time stepping into the ring and charging right for him!
DM: Here’s Olvir, right out of the gate, with a RUNNING MJOLNIR BLOW -- OH, and High Flyer just NARROWLY ducked that! Given the power behind that, that would have been a sure knock out!
DT: Olvir spins around... tries the YAKUZA KICK, but High Flyer deftly avoids him again! Arsvinnar’s like a human BUZZSAW in that ring right now, and all Flyer can do is keep his distance!
DM: Olvir going for a HAMMERBLOW this time... and Flyer goes through the LEGS with ease! If the Viking keeps exerting this kind of strength, it won’t be long before he gasses out! But now Flyer finds himself trapped between the powerhouse and the turnbuckle!
MN: Nowhere to go for this pipsqueak now!
DT: Flyer shoots left... but Olvir just SHOVES him right back into the corner! Arsvinnar, winding up... and he just SMASHES his fist into the top turnbuckle! Oh man, that could have been High Flyer’s HEAD if he hadn’t ducked in time!
DM: Flyer laying some shots into the chiseled abs of Olvir Arsvinnar... he’s got no other option now but to FIGHT! Olvir soaks it up like he doesn’t even FEEL IT!
DT: Flyer with a CHOP to those rock hard pectorals, but it barely even PHASED the Norseman! Look... Olvir’s just LAUGHING it off!
DM: Here’s High Flyer, with the knife-edge chop AGAIN... and Olvir just GUFFAWS right in his face!
MN: It’s probably TICKLING him...
DT: Arsvinnar getting carried away with it... now Flyer, turning to the turnbuckle and starting to CLIMB... OH, OUCH!! A hard HOOK KICK right to that long, golden BEARD finally stuns the berserker!
MN: Oh man, the BEARD... his ONLY weakness!
DM: Flyer could have something here... ANOTHER kick sends Olvir spinning around... High Flyer set to the top now... and he comes LEAPING OFF WITH THE BULLDOG to put “the Viking Violator” to the mat!
Crowd: *POP!*
DT: THAT put him down! High Flyer wastes no time going for the cover...
One...
Two...
NO!! Olvir’s still pretty fresh in that ring. All the same, Team V.I.A.G.R.A. has so far done an impressive job at handling the size and strength advantages in the Colossal Connection!
DM: They’re really showing some moxy tonight... High Flyer to his corner to tag out and catch a breather... he sees Mary-Lynn Mayweather with her arm outstretched, wanting a tag... but he goes instead for Tony Davis! Mayweather a bit offended by the snub, and High Flyer is already in the process of apologizing as Davis takes to the ring!
MN: Hey, I don’t blame him. You can’t trust ANY woman in the ring with “the Butt-Dominator”, Olvir Arsvinnar!
DT: Olvir recovers as Davis advances... and Davis just BLASTS HIM with a stunning right hand! Arsvinnar shakes his head... and he RETURNS THE FAVOR!
DM: Ooh, Davis rubbing that jaw as he recoils... but there’s a smile on his face as he comes back at Olvir with his fists SWINGING!! Olvir’s there waiting for him, and now both men are going TOE TO TOE in a FLURRY of punches!
[Crowd: *POP!*]
MN: Man, these two just seem a little TOO eager to beat the hell out of each other!
DT: Referee Andrew Gardell seems a tad reluctant to break up these brawling behemoths, and I personally don’t blame him! These guys are just recklessly HAMMERING AWAY at each other!
DM: OOH!! Olvir follows through on a jab with a blow right to the abs of Tony Davis! Davis doubled over... and Arsvinnar puts ALL FOUR KNUCKLES right to the side of his skull!
DT: Davis reeling on his feet now as Olvir gains the upper hand! Olvir CLUBS him right in the chest with a forearm strike, and Tony Davis bounces off the turnbuckle -- OH MY GOD, ARSVINNAR NEARLY KICKS HIS HEAD OFF with the BIG BOOT!!
Crowd: *POP!*
DM: “The Viking Violator” takes a moment to pose for the fans as Tony Davis lies stunned at his feet! Would have been a good opportunity to go for the pin, if you ask me, but I suppose everyone has their own method of doing things...
MN: The man’s got priorities, Dean. It’s not about who wins or loses; it’s about who gets the bigger boobies in their face at the end of the night!
DM: Olvir looking to Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s corner... and there’s a BIG smile on his face as he points to Mary-Lynn Mayweather!
MN: See? I told you! The man wants some BOOTY! I mean, hey, I’d hit it...
DT: In any case, High Flyer is showing that pretty adamant that he’s NOT going to let anything of that sort happen here tonight! Olvir’s attention should probably be on the LEGAL person in the ring right now, however, as Tony Davis is recovered and coming up to him from BEHIND!
DM: Davis hooks the ARMS, and NAILS the FULL-NELSON SLAM before Olvir can even react! Arsvinnar should have kept his eyes on Tony Davis!
MN: Hey, even I’M having trouble keeping my eyes off Mary-Lynn...
DT: Just try to focus on the match, Neely, you idiot... Tony Davis gets Olvir back onto his feet... he draws him in close with the waistlock... could be looking for a belly-to-belly SUPLEX here, but Olvir using his STRENGTH to fight it!
DM: Davis trying to keep his grip as the mighty Olvir tries prying his arms away... and the Viking BREAKS FREE, quickly slapping Davis into a waistlock of his own! Arsvinnar TENSING those python-sized arms right into the lower back of Tony Davis, and he LIFTS HIM RIGHT OFF THE MAT with the bearhug!
DT: Bad position for Davis as Olvir grinds deep into his back!
MN: Oh come on, Dave... most women would LOVE to be in that position right now!
DT: Whatever, Neely... Gardell asking if Davis is giving in, but he shakes him off! Davis trying to get some leverage for his arms now... and he puts a HEAVY FIST right into Olvir’s face! And there’s ANOTHER!!
DM: Davis, doing whatever he can to break free from this submission hold! But Olvir’s just soaking it up! Olvir’s got something in mind... now he’s charging toward the TURNBUCKLE -- OH MAN!! Tony Davis just got SANWICHED right there in the corner!
DT: Tony Davis stumbles out... and walks right into a MILITARY PRESS!! Olvir with a HUGE smile on his face as he pumps Davis a couple times... and just DROPS HIM right to the mat!
DM: Oh man, Davis took a HARD landing on his chest and face after that freefall! Olvir’s definitely taking some of the wind out of Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s sails right now!
DT: Here’s Olvir with a simple cover...
One!
Two!
NO! Davis got out the back door!
DM: If he’d hooked the leg, he might have had something... but all the same he’s showing some dominance over Tony Davis. Olvir going back to his corner now, and he tags in Dopesmoker! NOW Dopesmoker gets into the ring...
DT: Of course he’s eager to get involved as he sees Tony Davis in a vulnerable spot...
MN: That’s called “strategeric awareness”, Dave. It’s a ring term.
DM: That’s a load of B-S, Neels, and you know it...
DT: Dopesmoker in the ring with a sadistic smirk on his face... Davis is recovering on the mat, but Dopesmoker runs forward -- OH MAN, HE CONNECTS WITH A SOCCER KICK RIGHT TO THE HEAD as Davis was getting up!
DM: Good thing he doesn’t wear BOOTS in the ring, or that could have been a guaranteed concussion!
DT: Dopesmoker putting those filthy feet to work right into Davis shoulders and FACE! Not sure how much of a good thing that is, Dean-O! Just looking at those grimy toes makes me lose my appetite! When was the last time this guy took a SHOWER?!
MN: Hippies don’t shower, Dave...
DM: Dopesmoker seems to be enjoying himself a bit TOO much right now, seeing Davis in pain and agony under his heels! Dopesmoker putting that foot right across the NECK now... and he grabs ahold of the top rope as he just PUTS ALL HIS WEIGHT down on it!
DT: Gardell telling him to get off, but Dopesmoker completely ignores the referee! Come on, that’s enough!
Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”
DM: The fans have seemingly lost their love for Dopesmoker, as once again, we’re bearing witness to a different, much DIRTIER “Escape Artist” than we’ve ever seen before! Dopesmoker FINALLY breaks the choke after Andrew Gardell practically yanks him off!
DT: The referee gives him a stern warning, but Dopesmoker seems to be listening instead to the audible disapproval of the fans here in attendance tonight! I can only hope those sounds are getting to him on some level and helping him to realize what he’s doing!
MN: Based on that crazy grin on his face, I’d guess not, Dave! The more these people spit on him, the more he’s going to do things to piss them off!
DM: Dopesmoker, jawing with the fans as he takes a breathless Tony Davis by the head and pulls him up to the mat! Dopesmoker sets him into a neutral corner... and OH MAN, he just GOES INTO Davis with a quick combo of right kicks to the abs and the face!
DT: Unusually fast feet for a stoner, but Dopesmoker’s showing that there’s no rust on his martial arts background! He’s got Davis by the arm, and there’s the Irish whip to the opposite corner... Dopesmoker in motion as Davis CONNECTS!
DM: Here’s Dopesmoker into the ropes -- SPRINGBOARDS INTO THE AIR -- AND HE TAKES DAVIS TO THE MAT with a DIVING HEADSCISSOR TAKEDOWN!!
MN: THAT shut this crowd up...
DT: Dopesmoker continues jawing to the ringside fans as he hooks the leg and makes the cover! Could it be over right here?!
One!
Two!
NO! Davis with the kickout! He stays alive, but he’s really beginning to get pummelled in there!
DM: Dopesmoker takes Davis by the head before he can fully get to his feet... puts him RIGHT BACK DOWN with a quick snapmare -- and he seamlessly follows through right into a DRAGON SLEEPER!!
DT: Oh man... can Tony Davis outlast this submission attempt?! He’s already spent a long amount of time in that ring, and now Dopesmoker has that sleeper locked in TIGHT, slowly squeezing out what’s left of his stamina!
DM: Dopesmoker’s really digging that knee DEEP into the spine of Tony Davis as he pulls his head back in the inverted facelock! If you ask me, Dave, based on the way “the Escape Artist” has that hold locked in, I’d say he’s aiming to just apply as much PAIN as he possibly can rather than wear him down!
MN: Trynna teach that meat-head just what he GETS when he chooses to mess with an EPW legend!
Crowd: “DA-VIS! DA-VIS! DA-VIS!”
DT: Davis refusing to tap out, but Gardell tells him he needs to make a move! Davis trying to roll over to the side and improve his positioning! Dopesmoker lacks the strength to keep him held in place!
DM: He’s almost got it! Dopesmoker REFUSING to break that Dragon Sleeper! All Davis has to do is crawl to those ropes... but instead, he choose to work his way to his feet! I DON’T BELIEVE IT, he lifts DOPESMOKER OFF THE MAT while he’s still got that hold locked on!
DT: Look at the STRENGTH!! Dopesmoker PANICKING right now as he sees the mat pull away below him... and all at once, he’s DRIVEN RIGHT BACK INTO IT WITH A RUNNING POWERSLAM BY TONY DAVIS!!
Crowd: “POP!!”
DM: What a MASSIVE slam! He crushed Dopesmoker into that mat like a BUG!
MN: Specifically, a roach...
DT: Davis still showing the effects of that Dragon Sleeper, but he has enough left to crawl over, hook the leg, and make the cover!
One!
Two!
NO! Dopesmoker desperately kicks out, and now he’s trying to get away!
DM: Davis looking for a chinlock... but “the Escape Artist” just SLIPS OUT and SCRAMBLES to his corner in a mad dash! My God, I’ve never seen anybody so desperate to GET AWAY!
DT: But Davis NABS HIM BY THE HEEL!! He’s not about to let him get away from a deserved beating!
DM: Dopesmoker shaking his head, just about to PANIC!! OH NO!! He BITES BACK with an enziguri, and Davis recoils back to the mat!
MN: Come on, even I saw that coming!
DT: Tag is made to Ivan Dalkichev, and Dopesmoker crawls under the ropes to the outside! He got away this time... but now Tony Davis needs to escape HIMSELF, cause the seven foot Russian giant is coming right for him!
DM: Davis is exhausted... he knows he needs to tag out, and he makes a desperate rush to his corner before Ivan gets his hands on him! He makes a desperate rush, and YES, the tag is made to High Flyer -- but OH MAN, DALKICHEV TAKES HIM OUT WITH A LARIAT RIGHT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!
DT: That sent Davis over the ropes to the ringside floor with a HARD drop! High Flyer trying to make something happen now... he quickly jumps to the TOP ROPE -- FLYER WITH THE HURRICANRANA --
DM: UH OH, DALKICHEV CATCHES HIM on his SHOULDERS!! Dalkichev with a TREMENDOUS POWERBOMB to counter!! The Russian giant is nearly single-handedly laying waste to Team V.I.A.G.R.A. right now!
DT: Here’s Dalkichev, hooking the legs for a cover!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!! High Flyer kicked out! I thought for CERTAIN it would have been over right there... I mean, that’s a powerbomb from SEVEN FEET UP!!
MN: His name’s “High Flyer”, Dave. I’d HOPE he has experience falling from high places.
DM: Flyer was supposed to be the help for Tony Davis, who is being tended to by Mary-Lynn Mayweather, but in one swift move, Dalkichev has brought this dynamic team to their knees!
DT: Dalkichev with Flyer on his feet... and he just HEAVES HIM right into the Colossal Connection’s corner! Quick tag made to Olvir who steps in to join Ivan... what do these guys have planned now?!
DM: I don’t know, but this doesn’t bode well for High Flyer! The Colossal Connection draws the daredevil wrestling legend in... Ivan lifts him up -- FALLAWAY SLAM INTO OLVIR -- OH MY GOD, THEY PASTE HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A NORTHERN EXPOSURE!!
MN: Man, two huge guys and one little guy produces HILARIOUS results!
DT: Gardell ordering Ivan out of the ring as Olvir presses both hands into High Flyer’s chest to keep him pinned...
ONE...
TWO...
NO!! High Flyer manages to kick out! But Olvir’s not yet finished!
DM: Another hot tag made to Ivan... these guys are going to PULVERIZE High Flyer with their destructive tandem techniques!
DT: Even if High Flyer had the chance to get away, there’s nobody in his corner to tag to with Davis and Mayweather still on the ringside floor! The good news is, Tony Davis looks able to keep going... but how much longer can High Flyer withstand this PUNISHMENT?!
DM: The Colossal Connection see they have an opportunity to PUT THIS AWAY!! Olvir calling Ivan in front of him... OH MAN, THE VIKING LIFTS UP THE FOUR-HUNDRED POUND RUSSIAN GIANT ONTO HIS SHOULDERS!! WHAT AMAZING STRENGTH!!
DT: High Flyer coming to ECLIPSED BENEATH THE SHADOW of a COLOSSUS!! Now Ivan COMING DOWN WITH THE COLOSSAL CATACLYSM -- !!
[SFX: *SLAMMM!!!*]
Crowd: *POP!*
DT: OH MY GOD, HIGH FLYER ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!! Ivan Dalkichev just took a FOUR-HUNDRED POUND BELLY-FLOP FACE FIRST into the MAT!!
DM: Flyer saw what was coming and got the hell out of dodge... Dalkichev stunned on the mat, and Olvir’s already being forced back to the apron by the referee before he can do anything about it! High Flyer’s got his chance to make a tag, and he’s crawling to Team V.I.A.G.R.A.’s corner!
DT: His teammates see he’s in trouble... and Mary-Lynn Mayweather is the first person back on the apron to receive a tag!
MN: Oh man, now THAT is a bad idea waiting to happen...
DM: I guess he’s got no other choice other! Davis still looks hurt, and he’s gotta get back to that apron before these giants rip him in half! High Flyer with the TAG Mary-Lynn Mayweather!
Crowd: *POP!... and some catcalls from the misogynist assholes in the audience.*
DT: Mary-Lynn Mayweather SERIOUSLY has her work cut out for her now... Ivan Dalkichev back on his feet, rubbing his chest... and now he sees who’s standing across the ring from him! Suddenly, it’s as if he feels no pain whatsoever!
DM: Olvir’s got that huge smile on his face again... I think he wants a tag, but Ivan says he’s going to handle this! Mary-Lynn, meanwhile, is ready for action... you really have to admire that kind of courage.
MN: Yeah, she’s about to get tag teamed by two guys who are four times her weight. It takes a courageous woman to agree to that... as I already know, from many of Ivan and Olvir’s films.
DT: Mayweather stepping in... OOH!! Nice force on a quick spinning backhand chop... but Ivan just shrugs it off! She just doesn’t have enough to go toe to toe with a Russian behemoth like that!
DM: Mayweather tries again, but Dalkichev effortlessly bats her arms away and practically SMOTHERS her in a rear waistlock!
MN: Oh yeah... I’m liking THIS position!
DT: Mayweather trying to wrangle loose, but Ivan’s got nearly her entire lower TORSO trapped in those massive arms! He’s got a bemused smirk on his face, and it’s clear he’s just TOYING with Mary-Lynn at this point! Maybe High Flyer made a mistake putting her into the ring...
DM: Dalkichev in distance to his corner, and Olvir is practically BOUNCING ON HIS FEET wanting a tag!
MN: Uhh... isn’t this a six-man tag? Where’s the sixth guy?
DM: …good observation, Mike. What happened to Dopesmoker?! I haven’t seen him since he tagged out and ran out of the ring with his tail between his legs!
DT: There’s a good chance he’s hiding under the ring, but hell if I knew what he was up to down there... more importantly right now, this situation is looking bleak for Mayweather as Dalkichev reaches over and TAGS IN the man known as “the Butt-Dominator” in certain adult film circles!
MN: It’s time for Mary-Lynn to take one for Team V.I.A.G.R.A.!
DM: Olvir into the ring with much enthusiasm, and NOW Mayweather looks worried! She’s completely defenseless to “the Viking Violator”, who advances with his hands open and just wanting to GROPE... but Mary-Lynn fends him off with a swift kick to the abs!
DT: Olvir felt THAT... Mayweather trying to squirm free from Dalkichev, but he’s not giving her an inch... OH WOW, MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER WITH A BICYCLE KICK to Dalkichev’s FOREHEAD!!
MN: Wow... she can kick REALLY high!
DM: Mayweather slips through his arms and reaches back... she’s got Ivan in a three-quarter facelock... OH MAN, AND SHE GOES FOR THE SLICED BREAD NUMBER FOUR!!
Crowd: *POP!!*
DT: Here she goes! Mary-Lynn back on her feet, and here comes Olvir charging right at her... AND SHE TAKES HIM DOWN WITH A LEGSWEEP!! Olvir pops up, but Mary-Lynn is already in motion off the ROPES -- LOW DROPKICK TO THE FACE!!
DM: WOW!! Right to the BEARD! Meanwhile, Dalkichev is back on his feet... and the titan comes right after her! Mayweather backed into the ropes... OH WAIT!! SHE PULLS DOWN ON THE TOP ROPE, and the MOMENTUM just sends Ivan Dalkichev over her head, over the ropes, and landing in a giant-sized HEAP on the ring floor!
DT: I can’t believe what I’m seeing! The unassuming Mary-Lynn Mayweather has just single-handedly MOPPED THE FLOOR with both members of the Colossal Connection!
MN: She’s uh... she’s really something else, huh?
Crowd: “MAY-FLY! MAY-FLY! MAY-FLY!”
DT: The fans are rallying behind Mayweather as Olvir fumbles to his feet... wait a second, who’s that peering up from the other side of the ring?
DM: It’s DOPESMOKER!! I guess he WAS hiding under the ring the entire time, the sneaky goat bastard!
MN: Just getting a feel for the situation... he has to make sure Tony Davis doesn’t rip his head off, after all.
DT: I’d have to wonder why he’s still in HIDING while his tag partner in Olvir Arsvinnar is in a position where he may need to tag out!
DM: Olvir looking disoriented, but nevertheless, he’s back on his feet, and no longer is there a horny smile on his face! Arsvinnar coming in with a HEAVY hammerblow, but Mayweather nimbly CARTWHEELS to the side, avoiding a crushing strike!
DT: Mary-Lynn has to watch herself now that the Norsemen is going into berserk mode! Mayweather backed into the corner, and here comes Olvir with a RUNNING LARIAT -- NO!! She ducked out of the way and let him run RIGHT into the turnbuckle!
DM: She’s doing a good job of using Olvir’s own reckless strength and rage against him! Arsvinnar staggering... and Mayweather goes up to the TOP ROPE!!
MN: Oh man... I doubt she learned how to do THIS at law school!
DT: Time to see if High Flyer’s lesson have paid off... Mary-Lynn OFF THE TOP WITH A MOONSAULT -- OH NO, OLVIR CAUGHT HER ON HIS SHOULDER!!
DM: Wait a sec... Dopesmoker POPPING TO THE APRON -- Olvir MAKES THE TAG -- DOPESMOKER WITH A SPRINGBOARD GUILLOTINE LEGDROP ACROSS THE BACK OF MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER’S HEAD!! MY GOD, THAT ALL JUST HAPPENED IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!!
DT: For a moment there, I thought Dopesmoker was GONE from this match, but instead it seemed like he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity... Olvir back to the apron now after the assist... man, Mayweather took that move from a VERY dangerous height! All the momentum that young lady had is now GONE in one swift moment!
MN: All it takes a single mistake. But hey... I imagine Olvir and Ivan were just going easy on her starting off anyway. You know, it’s no good to just kick a girl’s ass right out of the gate... there’s no fun in that.
DT: Dopesmoker getting Mayweather to her feet now and leading her to the ropes... COME ON, he’s BLATANTLY got her by the hair! Mary-Lynn is SCREAMING in pain!
DM: That bastard! Dopesmoker unceremoniously DUMPS Mayweather across the second rope, but now Gardell’s giving him a deserved earful over the pulling of the hair! Dopesmoker’s just pretending like he’s too HIGH to hear him right now, but he knows damn well what he just did!
DT: Dopesmoker brushes the referee aside... OH MY GOD, NOW he’s using that KNEE across the back of her HEAD to CHOKE HER against the SECOND ROPE!!
Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!”
DM: That’s just disgusting! Gardell not even bothering giving Dopesmoker a warning count... he just pulls him off and tells him he’s going to ring the bell if he sees something like that again!
MN: Come on, this is complete sexist discrimination. You guys are just getting all steamed about it because she’s a GIRL, but you watch guys do that to each other all the time.
DT: At any rate, the other members of Team V.I.A.G.R.A. clearly aren’t liking what they’re seeing, giving some choice words to Dopesmoker, but it just seems to roll off his back...
MN: He’s a true professional... he doesn’t let playground antics get under his skin.
DM: Whatever, Neels. “The Escape Artist” is in another place tonight... a DARK place... Gardell keeps the competitors separated until Mayweather comes to her feet and lets go of the ropes. You really have to admire the fighting spirit we’re seeing tonight in Mary-Lynn Mayweather...
DT: Mary-Lynn wipes the sweat from her brow and gets ready to go toe to toe with Dopesmoker! Dopesmoker LAUGHS in the face of her defiance!
MN: Probably because he knows he’s about to kick her ditzy red head clean off!
DM: Mayweather is trained in Capoeira and perfectly capable of holding her own... Dopesmoker, meanwhile, doing is best mock Bruce Lee impression as he dances around on one leg, taking the center of the ring while Mayweather circles... and he advances in with a SIDEKICK -- NO!! Mayweather sidesteps and COUNTERS with a sharp elbow to the side of the head!
DT: Dopesmoker reeling... no wait, HE BITES BACK WITH A HOOK KICK with blurring speed that glances Mayweather, but doesn’t put her down! Mayweather backing up, and Dopesmoker shuffling his feet... OH MY, she JUST misses an axe kick -- but DOESN’T MISS the RIGHT HAND straight to the abdomen on the follow up!
DM: Mary-Lynn doubled over... Dopesmoker looking for the KNEE TO THE HEAD -- but Mayweather CATCHES THE LEG and spins him around!
DT: Mary-Lynn Mayweather going for the ROUNDHOUSE KNOCK OUT -- OH NO, DOPESMOKER COUNTERS WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK EXECUTED AT THE PRECISE MOMENT!!
MN: BA-BAM!! I called it...
DM: Mary-Lynn is OUT COLD on the mat... and it’s no surprise, after Dopesmoker landed that heel PERFECTLY!
DT: Dopesmoker standing tall after the exchange, smirking to the fans... gives the viewing audience a NINJA BOW, and... OH MY, WHAT A STANDING MOONSAULT!! Dopesmoker HOOKS THE LEGS!! He MAY HAVE IT!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! Broken up by Tony Davis! Good save...
DM: But Davis isn’t done! He’s ignoring Andrew Gardell’s demands to go to the apron, because he wants his PIECE of Dopesmoker! Dopesmoker, being wrangled to his feet... LIFTED UP... OH MAN, and nearly BROKEN IN HALF with a BACKBREAKER!!
MN: Why the hell isn’t the ref doing his job here?! Davis is completely out of line right now!
DT: Here come the Colossal Connection now, to the aid of Dopesmoker! Andrew Gardell has just lost control of the match as the twin towers PUMMEL AWAY at Tony Davis! High Flyer jumping the ropes to help out his partner... and he goes right for Ivan Dalkichev!
DM: OH, OUCH!! Running dropkick RIGHT TO THE BAD KNEE!! Dalkichev practically COLLAPSES under his own weight! He tries to rally back with the help of the ropes, but High Flyer’s already BACK ON TOP of a TURNBUCKLE --
DT: OH WOW, HIGH FLYER CATCHES ON WITH THE HURRICANRANA!! Dalkichev is PULLED OVER THE ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE!!
MN: That’s one way to get that fat ass out of the ring...
DM: Olvir working away on Davis in the corner... here’s the Irish Whip -- NO!! Davis REVERSES, and OLVIR connects with the turnbuckle!!
DT: Arsvinnar staggering... hold on, Mary-Lynn Mayweather GETS HIM IN A HANDSPRING HEADSCISSOR OUT OF NOWHERE!! OH MAN, she THROWS THE VIKING THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR alongside Ivan Dalkichev!
Crowd: *POP!!*
MN: This is ridiculous! Is the ref going to restore order or WHAT?!
DT: Team V.I.A.G.R.A. are beginning to rally... and Davis quickly gets to the corner to give Mary-Lynn Mayweather the chance to tag out! Tag is MADE... and now it’s DAVIS into the ring, and he’s finally got a chance to get his hands on Dopesmoker!
DM: Meanwhile, on the outside... Olvir and Ivan getting to their feet, trying to rally... here’s High Flyer, sliding back into the ring and giving the nod to Mary-Lynn! What’s planned here...?
DT: Flyer and Mayweather off the ropes... AND THEY GO TO THE OUTSIDE WITH DOUBLE PLANCHAS, TAKING OUT THE COLOSSAL CONNECTION!!
Crowd: *SUPER-POP!!!*
MN: Was that really necessary?
DT: Of course it was... they have Davis all the time he NEEDS to get some sweet revenge!
DM: Dopesmoker ON HIS KNEES, begging Davis not to hurt him... but there’s not a CHANCE IN HELL!
DT: Davis with a STIFF KICK to Dopesmoker’s chest... he brings him up the rest of the way with a front facelock... hooks the tights, and LIFTS HIM STRAIGHT INTO THE AIR!!
Crowd: “OOOOOOH!!”
MN: One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...
DM: Davis is letting all the blood rush into Dopesmoker’s head!
DT: Oh, I bet he’s feeling REAL high now! Dopesmoker lingering in the air... and Davis BRINGS HIM DOWN HARD with the VERTICLE SUPLEX!!
DM: Tony Davis has the chance to go for the cover... but “the Escape Artist” instinctively rolls under the ropes to the floor to buy himself some time!
MN: Smart move, if you ask me.
DT: Davis waiting in the ring as Andrew Gardell begins the count on Dopesmoker... meanwhile, looks like we’ve got an altercation happening between Mayweather and Arsvinnar on the other side of the ring!
DM: Mayweather putting some shots to the face of Olvir, but he’s just shrugging it off!
MN: Time for that BUTT to get DOMINATED!!
DT: Arsvinnar COMING AFTER HER, and now Mary-Lynn is running away! Clearly, he’s got more than just wrestling on the mind right now!
DM: Gardell up to four... Dopesmoker is back on his feet with the help of the apron, but the pain shows on his face! Now that pain becomes RAGE!
DT: Dopesmoker... goes to the timekeeper? Wait a second... what’s the meaning of this? Dopesmoker’s getting the CHAIR from him! Not THIS again!
MN: Why not? Worked well enough the first time!
Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”
DM: Davis doesn’t seem to care! He’s telling Dopesmoker to BRING IT! Gardell warning him not to bring the chair back into the ring, but it falls on deaf ears! Dopesmoker rolls back under the ropes brandishing that CHAIR!
DT: Dopesmoker holding it up HIGH and threatening to bludgeon Davis where he stands! All that separates him from doing it is Andrew Gardell standing in his way ORDERING HIM to put it down! Is he crazy enough to get himself DISQUALIFIED at this point?!
DM: Who knows what that maniac is thinking right now! Gardell giving him a final warning... either he throws the chair out, or he’s ringing the bell!
DT: NOW Dopesmoker listens... he nods to the referee, and yes... he’s going to the ropes to throw that chair out and get back to the match. For a minute there, I thought he was really going to --
DM: OH WAIT, HE COMES LUNGING BACK WITH THAT CHAIR --
Crowd: *GASP!!*
DT: NO!! Davis STOPS HIM with a boot to the gut! Dopesmoker drops the chair and Davis kicks it to the side... he’s got the ARMS LOCKED...
DM: OH YEAAAHH!! EQUALIZER DRILLS THE DOPESMOKER RIGHT INTO THE MAT!!
DT: No escape THIS TIME!! Tony Davis makes the cover...
ONE!!
TWO!!!
THREE!!! TEAM V.I.A.G.R.A. pulls out a HARD-FOUGHT VICTORY TONIGHT!!
[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound gang. Tony Davis boosts up to his feet and pumps both fists as the fans cheer approvingly around him and Dopesmoker lies unmoving at his feet. Olvir’s chase after Mary-Lynn Mayweather comes to an end when he nearly runs into a recovering Ivan Dalkichev and the two come to the disappointing realize that they’ve lost yet again.]
TF: Here are you winners... TEEEEEEAAAAAAMMM VVIIIIIAAAAAAGGRRRRAAAAAAA!!!!
DM: There were some harrowing moments against the Colossal Connection, and Dopesmoker tried every dirty trick he could think of tonight to give his team the edge, but despite the odds, Team V.I.A.G.R.A. remained united and pulled out a solid win here tonight!
MN: Is anybody really surprised? I mean, REALLY? I knew the Colossal Connection were going to lose... they ALWAYS lose. Seeing a real talent like Dopesmoker take the pin, though... well, even I’ll admit, I’m a little shocked to see that happen.
DT: Dopesmoker’s madness got carried away with him when he tried to bring that chair into the ring, and he paid the price for it. Hopefully, he learns a valuable lesson from this experience...
DM: If he hasn’t already, I’m sure he will in just a moment! I don’t think Davis is finished yet! Now that the match is over, he’s picking up the chair and waiting for Dopesmoker to get to his feet!
Crowd: “F*CK-HIM-UP!! F*CK-HIM-UP!! F*CK-HIM-UP!!”
DT: Oh man, is he really going to do it?!
MN: If he does, then he’s no better than the Dopesmoker, if you think about it!
DM: I’d say if you act out line, you deserve what you ask for.
DT: Here’s Ivan Dalkichev, reentering the ring... and now he’s standing in the way! He’s not about to watch anything happen to his longtime friend and tag partner while he’s defenseless!
MN: Ivan’s also got the thicker skull, so if anybody were to eat a chair, it’d probably be better if it were him.
[CLOSE UP: Fierce conviction and respect in Tony Davis eyes as he nods and just throws the chair to Ivan’s feet.]
Crowd: *POP!!*
DT: And Davis drops the chair! I guess he’s willing to call it even! That’s a good show of sportsmanship on the part of Tony Davis!
MN: Oh whatever... he just doesn’t want to get his head ripped off by that mastodon.
[CUE UP: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang as Davis steps through the ropes and joins the rest of Team V.I.A.G.R.A. at ringside. The three enjoy a quick celebration before waving to the fans. Dalkichev watches them from in the ring as a groggy Dopesmoker gets to his feet, head tilted to the side and eyes rolled back like a zombie.]
DT: At any rate, it was an impressive win for Team V.I.A.G.R.A. tonight, with the help of their longtime manager Mary-Lynn Mayweather!
DM: I gotta say, she looked good in the ring tonight.
MN: Damn RIGHT she did!
DM: Not THAT, you moron... I mean in terms of wrestling. High Flyer and Tony Davis definitely have more than just a manager in her.
DT: Folks, we’ll be right back after these messages, but first --
[SFX: *CRACK!!*]
Crowd: *GASP!!*
DT: Wait, WHAT THE HELL -- ?!
DM: WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!
[PAN TO: The ring, revealing the sight of “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev rolling on the mat in agony as he clutches his wounded leg. Standing over him, blank-faced, is Dopesmoker with the chair in his hands.]
DT: DID DOPESMOKER JUST TAKE OUT IVAN WITH THAT CHAIR?!
DM: I think he DID, DAVE!!
[As if to confirm their suspicions, a snarl forms across Dopesmoker’s face as he brings the chair down Ivan’s leg... again and again.]
[SFX: *CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!!*]
Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!!”
DT: WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?! THAT’S HIS TAG PARTNER!!
DM: Olvir in the ring to stop him... but Dopesmoker SEES HIM COMING -- !!
[SFX: *CRACK!!*]
DT: NOW HE JUST PUT DOWN THE VIKING VIOLATOR WITH A CHAIRSHOT!! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!! HAS DOPESMOKER JUST COMPLETELY SNAPPED?!
MN: Are you KIDDING?! This is the MOST SANE we’ve seen him YET! These guys have been weighing him down for YEARS!
DM: Oh, you’re just as crazy as he is, Neels! Earlier tonight, Ivan Dalkichev said Dopesmoker was like a BROTHER to him, and now THIS?!
DT: There’s a cold and unfeeling look in Dopesmoker’s eyes, ladies and gentlemen... it’s like he realizes everything he’s doing, but just doesn’t understand it! Wait a second, what’s he doing NOW... he’s climbing the TURNBUCKLE and taking that CHAIR with him!
DM: I think he’s got SADISTIC motives for Ivan Dalkichev! Come on, now, he’s completely defenseless!
MN: Go for it, Dopesmoker! Where was this moron when you needed help anyway?
DT: Dopesmoker perched on top with the chair tucked under his arm! Ivan Dalkichev is looking up at him, unable to believe this shocking betrayal!!
DM: Don’t DO IT, Erik!!
MN: He can’t hear you now, Dean-O!
DT: Dopesmoker comes FLYING OFF THE TOP ROPE -- !!
[SFX: *CRUNCH!!*]
ID: RRRRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!!
DM: JESUS CHRIST, HE JUST PUT A DIVING LEGDROP THROUGH THE CHAIR ONTO IVAN’S KNEE!!
Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!!”
[Silence on commentary as Ivan Dalkichev flails in pain in the ring, clutching the knee and filling the arena with bass-heavy howls of agony. Dopesmoker paces around him impatiently, as if undecided as to whether he’s proud or disgusted with his own actions. He looks completely lost.]
DT: I’m just... SPEECHLESS folks! Erik Black has gone off the deep end tonight!
DM: He’s always been unpredictable... but I never ONCE thought I’d witness him turn on his own friend like this!
MN: He was going to get smart sooner or later.
Crowd: *POP!!*
MN: Oh man, not THESE guys again!
[CUT TO: The ramp as Team V.I.A.G.R.A., who have bore witness to all these, come charging back into the ring.]
DT: It’s Team V.I.A.G.R.A. to the rescue of their own OPPONENTS!
DM: Dopesmoker is OUT OF THE RING before they can get to him! That goat bastard can’t run FOREVER!
MN: Just watch him, Dean!
[Dopesmoker, showing no emotion, hops the barricade and shoves fans out of his way as he sulks his way out of the arena. Davis and High Flyer glare after him as they tend to the wounded Dalkichev and a dazed Olvir Arsvinnar. Ring officials start jogging down the ramp and slide into the ring as it becomes clear Ivan is hurt.]
DT: This doesn’t look good for Ivan Dalkichev. That leg was in pretty bad shape to begin with after Dis did a number on it on Wrestleverse.
DM: Wouldn’t be surprised to see “The Sonic Titan” sidelined for a while as a result of this. But somebody has to make Dopesmoker pay for his actions. He was out of line tonight... and just shut up, Neels, cause I already know what you’re going to say.
MN: Uhh... kay?
DT: EMTs are coming to the ring now in a motorized cart! That’s the only thing we’ve got in the arena to carry a man as heavy as Ivan Dalkichev out of here!
MN: Man, that’s pathetic...
DT: Shut up, Neely! Folks, we’re going to take a quick break. Hopefully, the damage isn’t serious for Ivan Dalkichev. It would be a real shame to see a veteran athlete’s career come to end tonight... especially in THIS way. Don’t go away, cause we’ve got more action on the way!
