AGGRESSION 11: Anaheim, CA - 8/22/04

[DBrunkGXW]

[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.
CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Christian Sands.

CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.

CUT TO: Christian Sands taking Beast down into the Sandman's Clutch.

CUT TO: Troy Douglas standing victorious on a turnbuckle.

CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.

CUT TO: John Doe and Aodhan Lorigan striding down the ramp.

CUT TO: Jonathan Marx throwing Karl Brown over the ropes.

CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Christian Sands.

CUT TO: Tyrone Walker locking up with Karl Brown.

CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.

CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]





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[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol. Various signs are visible in the crowd: "I'M ON STRIKE", "Bolich Fears Posting The Card On Time", "BOOGEEZEE FO' SHEEZEE", "BIG DADDY ENGLISH", "We Are Beastialites", "Lindsay Troy Is The Queen... In Bed!", "The Cameron Cruise Project", "DOWNTOWN KARL BROWN", "Where's Kin?", "RRR ATE MY BAGEL", and finally, "DEAN MATTHEWS = MONEY".]

DT: Welcome, everybody, to Anaheim California! This is Aggression, live from the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim! I'm Dave Thomas, and with me as always is Mike Neely!

MN: Why do they call this place a pond, Dave? I don't see water. I don't see ducks. Though I AM seeing some sweet chickies in the audience. Check out that redhead over there. Look at those ti-

DT: MIKE!!!

MN: ...Tinkertoys! She brought Tinkertoys with her!

DT: I would make a joke about my intense hatred for you, but the producers have informed us that it's getting a bit trite to open the show like that every time.

MN: Good for them. Besides, you can't hate me. Look at this face.

DT: I'm looking. I'd like to rearrange it.

MN: Now that is corn, sir. I've got half a mind to slap your mouth.

DT: Can we just get the show started, Mike?

MN: Fine. But I'll be waiting for YOU in the parking lot, Burgerman.

DT: *sigh*



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C4 vs. X
TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall!

[Cue up: “Stupid Kid” by Alkaline Trio as C-4 strides down the ramp. C-4 slides in the ring as the crowd offers a round of polite boos, unfamiliar with the newcomer.]

TONY FATORA: Hailing from Chicago, Illinois... Weighing in at 242 pounds... SEEEEEEEEE... FOURRRRRRRRR!!!!

DT: And folks, what a way to open the show, with the debut of this man, the man known as C-4.

MN: OH SNAP, HE'S GONNA EXPLODE!!!

DT: Cut it out, Mike. I've seen C-4's early tryouts with EPW recruiters, and he shows a great deal of promise, but he's going to have his hands full with the ever-intense X.

MN: He's gonna blow up Wilbur! Duck, Wilbur! Duck into the bomb shelter!

[Cue up: “X Gonna Give It To You” By DMX. X steps out behind the curtain. CUT TO: a Fan in the stands holding a sign that says “Consider X Xterminated!”. CUT TO: X walking down the ramp way.]

TONY FATORA: And his opponent... He hails from the Bronx... Weighing in at 210 pounds... ECKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

[X slides in the ring and taunts then looks over at C-4, X gives a smirk]

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

DT: C-4 and X staring down, they go for the tie up. C-4 with the duck under. X giving C-4 elbow shots to the face. C-4 with a German suplex. C-4 rolling to his feet and hits another German suplex, this time with a bridge....1....kick out by X.

MN: Nice move by C-4. X is to his feet C-4 going for a clothes line X ducks, rebound off the ropes from X, C-4 also rebounding, Spinning Wheel Kick by C-4. X hitting the canvass. Cover by C-4 1... Rope break. Smart move, you don’t want to waste your energy kicking out. X now getting to his feet....

DT: And a sharp clothesline from X to C-4. X picking up C-4 and Irish whips him, C-4 on the rebound, X lifting C-4 up, SIT OUT POWER BOMB! NO C-4 REVERSING TO A DDT! C-4 to his feet, X is up, clothesline from C-4, X up again, and another clothesline, X up yet again, missile drop kick from C-4.

MN: X stumbling back as he ties up with C-4. X lifting C-4 up...X dropping C-4 back first onto his shoulder. X executing a back breaker.

DT: Nice move by X but C-4 is grabbing the head of X....C-4 spins....BULLDOG FROM C-4. C-4 looking for a sharp shooter but X kicks him off, C-4 hit’s the ropes. X hops up, C-4 with the rebound....C-4 leaps in the air....cross body from C-4...

MN: X CATCHES HIM AND NAILS A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX. C-4 up and rushes at X, X hits another Belly to Belly. X lifting C-4 up and forcing him into the turnbuckle. X hitting those shoulder thrusts into the ribcage of C-4.

DT: Irish whip by X, C-4 going towards the other turnbuckle, X on the chase. C-4 using each turnbuckle pad to climb up the turn buckle, C-4 Leaps off!

MN: WHISPER IN THE WIND BY C-4! With the cover...I...2...kick out by X.

DT: C-4 lifting X to his feet. But X hits him in the gut, and another punch, X to his feet and suplexing C-4. X gets up taunting C-4.

MN: I think that suplex put C-4 in a daze. C-4 to his feet. X punching C-4 in the face. C-4 returns the shots, but X kicks C-4 in the ribs.

DT: Russian Leg sweep by X as he rolls C-4 to his stomach and locks in a Camel Clutch.

MN: C-4 needs to work towards that bottom rope, X is just pulling that neck. C-4 looks like he is going to tap....C-4 lifting his hand in the air and hits it against the mat twice, one more time that is a tap out..

DT: C-4 grabs the bottom rope before he taps out. X getting mad and stomps the back of C-4.

MN: Less stomping more pinning.

DT: X grabs C-4 and Irish whips him, C-4 with the re reverse. X rebounding FLYING CLOTHESLINE BY C-4.

MN: Nice move! X is to his feet again, C-4 rushes at X. X lifts C-4 up again looking for a power bomb, C04 reverses into a hurricarana takedown. C-4 taunting as the crowd boos at him, X is on his feet and grabs C-4 from behind, backdrop by X.

DT: These two don’t give up do they?

MN: Nope.

DT: C-4 to his feet as they stare off, C-4 slaps X. and X is laughing in his face! X with a knife edge chop. C-4 holding his chest. X with another knife chop knocking C-4 to the canvass. C-4 gets to his feet and ties up with X. C-4 hooks the leg and executes a perfect fisherman’s suplex

MN: C-4 looking good in his movement, this is his debut match up. X to his feet, they tie up. X with the fore arm smash to the neck of C-4, and another. C-4 laying on the canvass X climbing the top rope, C-4 is on his feet...

DT: C-4 on the top rope also, C-4 hooking the pants of X! SUPERPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE BY C-4!

MN: C-4 with the cover....1....2...faint kick out. C-4 forcing X to his feet.

DT: X kicking C-4 in the stomach, C-4 is bent over. X bounces off the rope and hits C-4 in the chin with a knee lift.

MN: X bouncing off the ropes again and hitting C-4 with a diving clothesline. C-4 bounces up as X whips him to the ropes!

DT: X leaping off the second rope X-ECUTION!.....NO!!!! C-4 GRABS X’S ARM AND SLIPS DOWN FOR X LEAPS OVER HIM. X HIT’S THE CANVASS HIS ARM CAUGHT BETWEEN HIS LEGS!!!

MN: COUNTDOWN BY C-4! C-4 IS PULLING THE HEAD OF X! X IS TAPPING OUT LIKE A MAD MAN!!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

FATORA: Here is your winnerrrrr... SEEEEEEEEEEEE... FOOOOOOOOOOOURRRRRRRR!!

[Cue Up: “Stupid Kid” by Alkaline Trio as C-4 celebrates his win.]



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DT: A convincing debut here for C-4, as he pulls off the upset win over X and opens quite a few eyes in doing so.

MN: So does that mean his debut was... EXPLOSIVE? HAH!

DT: Very funny.

MN: I know. It is, after all, a Mike Neely joke.

DT: *sigh* Folks, we're going to take a short break, but when we come back we've got more hot and steamy EPW action for you!

MN: Hot and ste-

[Cut to a commercial for Chef Jamboree's Xtreme Ravioli Explosion.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

We return from commercials to a shot of the ramp. Cue up: "Sharp Dressed Man" - ZZ Top. The crowd begins to cheer, knowing full well that they're probably in for something funny. After a moment, Dean Matthews pads out onto the ramp and strikes a bodybuilder's pose, looking ludicrous doing so in his white suit and top hat. Gold and white pyro explodes around him. As the pyro goes down, Matthews pulls a mic out of his pocket.]
MATTHEWS: Off with the music!

[The music cuts out.]

MATTHEWS: So me and Mr. Freeman were sitting in the back a couple days ago, and we got to thinking. He said to me, "Dean, EPW's great. Everything's running smoothly. There've been a few delays, but we've pretty much smoothed them over now. But there's one thing that irks me." Now what could that one thing be? I thought, could it be our roster? But no, I like our roster. What do you guys think?

CROWD: *POP!*

MATTHEWS: So I says to myself, "Maybe it's the production values. Maybe they're not slick enough." But nah, EPW shows are slick and cool! What do you guys think, huh?

CROWD: *POP*

MATTHEWS: So I says to myself, "Maybe it's our champion! We all know that the champ's got to carry the company!" But nah, I kinda like Beast. What do you guys think?

CROWD: BEAST! BEAST! BEAST! BEAST! BEAST! BEAST!

MATTHEWS: Yeah, I thought so too. So what could it be? What is it, what's eating away at the show? I'll tell you what's eating away at us. Rather, I'll show you.

[Smirking, Matthews turns on a heel... and pads down the ramp to sit down between Dave Thomas and Mike Neely at the announce table.]

DT: Wha-

MATTHEWS: Sorry, boys. You've gotten a little repetitive back here. But don't worry, your jobs aren't at stake. You're just getting a new partner. Now throw me that headset.

[Tossing the mic to Tony Fatora, Matthews takes the headset offered by Mike Neely and crams it on under his hat.]

DM: Yeah, good stuff. Howdy, boys. This here be a three-man booth now, yo.

DT: Well, um, I daresay it's good to have you at the table with us, Dean.

MN: I'll say! Reinforcements! No more having to mock Burgerman solo!

DM: I get the idea that this is going to become rather stressful for you, Biggie Size. Between me and Mikeman here... Heh heh heh.

DT: God help me.

DM: There is no help for you, little one. Now get your ass in gear introducing the next match.

DT: Alright. This next match promises to be an interesting contrast of styles, as the mat technician Karl Brown battles the lightning-quick Kin Hiroshi one-on-one. I can't help but wonder, though, what Karl Brown must be thinking going into this match.

MN: Downtown's gone nuts, man. He eliminated himself from a match on the last show!

DM: I was the third commentator in MCW when Karl Brown made his pro debut, so I can tell you firsthand just how much the kid's changed. If you ask me, it's stress. He's risen so fast in the wrestling world that it's probably weighing down on him pretty hard.

DT: That's a very good point, Dean. Let's head down to the ring and see how things turn out.



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Karl "The Dragon" Brown vs. Kin Hiroshi
TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall!

[CUE UP: "Crashing Around You" - Machinehead. The crowd jeers as Kin Hiroshi stalks down the ramp, jumping unceremoniously into the ring.]

TONY FATORA: Introducing first... He hails from Tokyo, Japan... He weighs in at two hundred and thirty pounds... He isssss KIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN... HIIIIIROOOOOOOOSHIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

MN: You've got to love Hiroshi, man. This guy once slipped our boss a poison muffin!

DM: Yeah, he did poison Dan. But I would shut up about it. Knowing the big man, he'll come out here and teach you some Humility.

MN: ...I hate Kin Hiroshi! Grr!

DM: Much better.

[No music at all plays as Karl Brown strides down the ramp, just walking to the ring, the crowd's reaction a mixture of cheers and boos.]

TONY FATORA: And his opponent... From Nottingh-

[Before Fatora can even finish, Brown slides into the ring and levels Hiroshi with a running lariat!]

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

DT: What a lariat right off the get-go by Karl Brown, not even waiting for the bell! He's all fired up!

DM: I told you. He's cracked.

DT: Hiroshi coming to his feet in surprise, but Brown is ON him! Hard chops by the Dragon blistering across Hiroshi's chest! Now the Irish whip by Brown, and he takes Hiroshi DOWN with a tackle!

MN: Football-worthy!

DM: This is totally unlike Karl Brown. He's abandoning all subtlety. The kid's turned into a damn machine.

DT: I'll say! Brown now straddling Hiroshi, and he's just POUNDING on Japanese Thunder with massive fists to the face! Dear lord, can you HEAR that! Those sickening thuds of fist against forehead!

MN: It's just BRUTAL, the way Brown's laying into Hiroshi! The ref's trying to stop him, but Brown's LOST it!

DT: Brown shooing the ref away and pounding on Hiroshi's face even harder - and he's busted Hiroshi open over the left eye!

DM: That's just sick. Brown's NEVER punched someone that hard.

MN: I guess he IS the Hardcore Dragon.

DT: Now Brown pulling Hiroshi off the canvas... PULLS HIROSHI'S FACE DOWN AND SLAMS IT OFF HIS KNEE! Kin Hiroshi is reeling and bleeding even harder - and Brown DRILLS him to the mat with a DDT!

MN: Ouch! Dropped him right on the gash!

DM: I think I like this new Karl Brown. He's got an edge to him that the old one desperately needed. Old Karl was passive. New Karl's got killer instincts, and you need killer instincts to get by in the wrestling world.

DT: Hiroshi on his hands and knees... Brown runs to a corner, then CHARGES OUT AND KNEES HIROSHI RIGHT IN THE FACE! Hiroshi goes FLYING into a corner, and Brown just starts KICKING HIM IN THE HEAD REPEATEDLY!

DM: Not even stomps! These are outright soccer kicks!

DT: This is like an outright slaughter! Kin Hiroshi got ambushed hard, and he hasn't been able to get so much as a breather! Now Brown pulling Hiroshi to his feet... wait, Hiroshi with the headbutt! Fighting back with big rights and lefts!

MN: About time he started fighting!

DM: You can see Hiroshi's desperate. Those punches are pretty wild. He got caught off balance and still doesn't quite have his wits about him.

DT: Hiroshi off the ropes... BIG running dropkick brings down the Dragon! Now Hiroshi looking for the elbow drop, and lands it right to the sternum of Karl Brown! The cover - one - two - Kickout by Brown! Another cover - one - Kickout by Brown!

DM: Smart move by Hiroshi there. He's not going to put away Brown this early, but by forcing him to kick out a couple times he's trying to pull some of the energy out of him.

MN: And Brown's got a LOT of energy! He's gone freakin' berserk lately!

DT: Now Hiroshi bringing Brown to his feet... hooks him up for a suplex... but Brown with a GO-BEHIND! Elbow to the kidneys! Hooks him up - AND SCORES WITH THE DRAGON'S BITE!!!

MN: He's not even covering!

DM: Hiroshi's in deep trouble. That is NOT a healthy look in Karl Brown's eyes.

DT: Dear lord... Brown pulls Hiroshi up again... ANOTHER DRAGON'S BITE!!! And... oh no... NO... NO!!! DAMMIT, A THIRD DRAGON'S BITE!!! AND THE REFEREE IS SIGNALLING FOR THE MATCH TO BE STOPPED!!!

[SFX: *DING*]

TONY FATORA: Here is your winner, by virtue of match stoppage... KARRRRRRRLLLLLLLLL... BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWNNNNNNNN!!!



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DT: What the hell has gotten into Karl Brown?! He could've just pinned Hiroshi after the first Dragon's Bite, but he just went ahead and drilled him with two more and knocked him out!

DM: I don't even know right now. That must be a LOT of stress weighing down on him.

DT: Folks, EMTs are helping Hiroshi to the back to get some medical attention... This... Just sickening. We'll be right back.

[Cut to a commercial for Empire Pro-O's sugar cereal.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Golem & X-Ecutioner vs. Blitz
[FADEIN..... Back to the arena. CUEUP: “Otherworld” . As Max and Jecht step out on the ramp Leonard Johnson right behind them]

DT: Looks like we are starting this match up early.

MN: Good, that’s that way it should be, get out there and start it up!

DT: Look as these two determined to win this match up.

MN: I Have total faith in Blitz.

TONY FATORA: The folowing is a tag team match up with a time limit of 15 minutes. Making their way to the ring being accompanied by Leonard Johnson. BLITZ!

[Max and Jecht slide in the ring and taunt. The crowd boos loudly.]

DT: I think that Blitz can take out Golem and X-Ecutioner

DM: I think Blitz can play Blitzball. Could they be any more obvious? I'm waiting for Tidus to show up. Though I'd be happy if Yuna and Rikku put in an appearance. Oh, Yuna... I'd hit it.

DT: ...You're sick.

DM: You say this because you want to bone Tidus.

DT: Wha - that's even sicker!

TONY FATORA: and their opponents...

[CUE UP: “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. Golem and X-Cutioner walk down the ramp as Max mocks the way Golem walks.]

TONY FATORA: Golem and X-Ecutioner!!!!!

DT: Max and Jecht are both in the ring and Golem and X slide in. Max and Jecht laughing at the two as they stand toe to toe. And Max and Jecht both hitting clotheslines on the men.

MN: Look at Golem his head snapped back like it was a rag doll!

DM: We could make a fortune off those, you know. Cuddly Golem Dolls! Only $9.99!

DT: Max suplexing Golem. Jecht performing the same to X-Ecutioner. Golem is up and nowcharges at Jecht. Jecht lifting his leg up. Big boot by Jecht knocking Golem down.

MN: Now, with a power house such as Blitz you have to be careful! X-Ecutioner is up. Max taunts him and X-Ecutioner is now chasing him. Max runs behind Jecht and Jecht power bombs X-Ecutioner!

DT: Max is on the top rope. Moonsault of the top rope onto Golem! Pin...1...2...but Max taunts getting off Golem.

DM: ...And he would do that why?

MN: That was not a smart move, this match up could have ended right there!

DT: Golem is up. Max punches him in the face. Golem is groggy. Max grabbing the hand with Golems long nail.

MN: Jecht low blowing X-Cutioner, Jecht forcing X-Cutioners mouth open!

DT: What’s going on?! Max is taking that long finger of Golem and shoving it in X-Ectuioners mouth!

MN: THE CLAW! MAX IS FORCING THE CLAW ON X-ECUTIONER!

DM: Now THAT'S a new one.

DT: Blood is coming out the mouth of X-Ecutioner as he taps out!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Here are your winners! Max and Jecht....BLITZ!!!!!!



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DT: A resounding win for Blitz, as they manage to put away Golem and X-Ecutioner quite handily.

DM: You've gotta hand it to Blitz. They did hella good. But you could tell the freaks were having an off night, too. This could probably end differently if they ever met again.

MN: The freaks versus the geeks... you just can't get enough!

DT: In any case, we do need to move to the next match - and this one's gonna be a doozy!

MN: You can say that again! It’s the GXW Champion taking on the Empire uncrowned Intercontinental Champion.

DT: Hey, enough of that talk. You know that we’re hot water over the whole GXW thing, and the Troy thing is old news.

MN: Old news? It happened last week!

DT: That’s old news in this business nowadays!

DM: As long as I get to shag Troy, any news is good news!



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Boogie Smallz vs. "Queen Of The Ring" Lindsay Troy
[“Heartbreaker” cues up on the PA, and Lindsay Troy comes out to a sea of boos.]

MN: I’m tired of these ingrate fans constantly booing the Queen of the Ring! She’s a beauty, and she’s a consummate wrestler too!

DT: Well Mike, I think it might have something to do with her constant sabotaging of Beast, who is a big fan favorite here.

MN: Big Loafy? Jeez, that just cements their idiot status, liking that turd.

DM: Now now, there's nothing wrong with Big Loafy. He gives the mentally challenged people in the audience someone to look down on.

MN: *snickers*

[Troy enters the ring with an unamused look on her face. “Black Superman” then hits on the speakers, and Boogie Smallz comes out to a moderate sized pop.]

DT: Mixed reaction for the master of the Power Bong. I think people still take note of his issues with Beast as well.

MN: Everyone seems to have issues with Big Loafy. This is ridiculous.

DM: No, it's competitive. The more people who have beef with the top dogs, the better. Keeps Loafy on his toes.

[Smallz takes his grand old time coming to the ring, carousing with the fans. Troy is not amused.]

DT: I don’t think the Queen is amused here.

DM: Why should she? She wants to get this dismantling over as soon as possible.

[Boogie finally makes it to the ring and slides in, only to be met immediately with stomps to the back of the head and neck.]

DT: Troy wasting no time here! Stomp, stomp, another stomp. She is relentless!

MN: They don’t call her the uncrowned Intercontinental Champion for nothing.

DT: That has nothing to do with her stomping abilities... oh my! She just booted Boogie Smallz in the head! Boogie holding his head. Troy’s wrestling like she’s got something to prove! She’s looking to settle the score!

MN: According to Boogie, there is no score. But don’t tell him that now, he’s getting his head kicked in by our voracious Queen. I hail thee!

DT: Give it a rest, Neely.

DM: I'd give Troy a rest... no, wait, I'd be on her ALLLLLLL NIGHT!!!

[Troy yells at the never-was-able-to-get-off-the-canvas Smallz as she stoops to pick him up. As the pot-smoking last GXW Champion reaches his vertical base, Lindz peppers him with an array of martial arts strikes.]

DM: Ouch?

DT: Palm to the throat, chop to the chest, another palm to the nose... VICIOUS blow to the temple!

MN: I think Boogie is getting a little punch drunk here!

DN: No kidding, and, wow! Troy with a martial arts leg sweep. Smallz back to the canvas.

DM: Now THERE, he just got punch-STONED.

[The Queen mounts Boogie on the canvas, grabs him by the head and slams that melon repeatedly against the canvas.]

DT: One, two, three... my God, this is a woman possessed! Get on her, ref!

DM: Subtle.

MN: Give it a rest! She’s got something to prove. She’s a Championship slayer and she’s on the hunt for gold! Heh, whoever said diamonds were a girl’s best friend never met Lindsay Troy.

[The referee intervenes and Troy relinquishes reluctantly. However, she pounces right back on for the cover...

1...

2...

...but Smallz kicks out.]

DT: That was a close call. Lindsay Troy almost made too short work of the Boogieman.

DM: Believe me, Booger's just getting started.

[Lindsay picks up Boogie.]

DT: Oh my, Lindsay’s got Boogie Smallz by the arm, and she’s climbing the top rope. She’s gonna jump...

MN: Old school! Old school!

DM: COPYRIGHT! COPYRIGHT!

[Smallz holds his arm and Lindsay covers again...

1...

2...

...but Smallz kicks out again.]

DT: Boogie Smallz has a lot of fight in him to keep this up.

MN: A lot of fight, or a lot of stupidity. He should just give it up now. Troy’s got him beat!

DM: Oh?

DT: It’s still early. I fully expect a comeb... oh no, not if Lindsay hits this move! She’s got both arms hooked...

[Lindsay sets up for the Final Judgment, but Boogie counters out of the hold, flipping Troy over his head with a back body drop.]

DM: I knew THAT was coming.

DT: Boogie Smallz has too much left in him to give up that easily!

DM: Exactly. Troy tried to finish too early, but her enthusiasm cost her.

DT: Troy’s up, and Smallz KILLS her with a clothesline! She’s up again, and ANOTHER clothesline from Boogie Smallz!

[Troy hits the canvas hard, and Smallz presses his thumb and forefinger together, putting them to his mouth.]

MN: Light one up, Boogie Smallz!

DT: You’re such a flip-flopper, you make John Kerry look stable.

DM: Don't knock Kerry. Don't make me pull out the Junta-bashing.

[Boogie sits Lindsay up and stands over her shoulders.]

DT: Smallz is setting up. He’s got the leg and...

MN: STUMP PULLER! STUMP PULLER!

DT: Don’t get too excited there, Mike.

MN: Why shouldn’t I? This is the greatest submission hold ever!

DM: ...I'm going to kill you, Neely. I'm going to kill you in the face.

[Boogie grabs the right leg of Lindsay Troy with all his might as Lindsay screams in pain. Finally, Lindsay’s muscling out causes Smallz to relinquish the hold. Smallz kicks Troy in the back of her head.]

DT: Smallz showing some vicious streak of his own. He grabs Troy by the back of her head and whips her off the ropes. Troy coming in, Smallz spins around, and ROARING ELBOW! Troy reels to the canvas.

DM: ROLLING Elbow! You damn gaijin!

MN: She looks like she doesn’t know what hit her. She had the match in control, then let this buffoon take over.

DT: Stop flip-flopping!

[Smallz goes in again and picks up Troy. He whips her off the ropes again, and on the rebound this time, he nails her with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He covers...

1...

2...

...but barely after the two count, the Queen kicks out.]

DT: Not as close a call there as Troy had earlier, but Boogie is wearing her down.

MN: Hey, I can wear her down easy!

DT: We went over this last week. She’d probably wear you down before you did her.

DM: But not me, baby! I'd melt her down like THAT!

[Smallz picks Troy back up.]

DT: Smallz with one headbutt, two headbutts, a third headbutt to Lindsay Troy. Troy’s head has to be ringing right now. Troy wandering around the ring listless! And she... JUST WALKED RIGHT INTO A BOOGIE SMALLZ CLOTHESLINE!

MN: Third lariat this match from the Boogmeister. Man, I haven’t seen anyone who can hit a clothesline like he can.

DM: Boy's got an arm on him!

DT: Flip-flopping aside, Troy slowly gets up, but Boogie quickly gets behind her and locks in a Dragon Sleeper!

[Boogie locks in the hold, and Troy flails her arms wildly. Boogie drags her back and locks in a leg scissors.]

DT: Boogie with that sleeper locked in with the leg scissors. Troy’s arm motions are getting slower and slower. I think she’s fading.

MN: Hey, never count out the Queen of the Ring!

DT: You’re embarrassing yourself, Mike, but that’s beside the point here! Troy is struggling to get her arms to the ropes, she’s flailing and flailing and... she’s there!

[After one warning from the ref, Boogie reluctantly lets the hold go. Boogie scouts the Queen as she’s struggling to get up.]

DT: Boogie Smallz is scouting Lindsay Troy like a champion.

MN: He is a champion!

DT: Ahem, copyright?

DM: Shove it, you two - he’s about to pounce.

DT: That he is, and Troy gets up and... cradle piledriver! Boogie covers...

One...

Two...

Thr... NO! She kicks out! She kicked out of the cradle piledriver.

DM: Ooh, I thought that was over. Smallz SPIKED her.

MN: She’s one tough girl, I say. Tough and sexy, rawr.

[Boogie Smallz picks Troy up and bounces back off the ropes. He jumps in...]

DT: Smallz with the flying forearm and... HE MISSES!

[As the former one-half of the Hip-Hop Express crashes to the canvas, Troy sneaks in and locks him in Thy Kingdom Come.]

DT: That crossface is locked in tight! I think Troy’s gonna win the match!

MN: And she can add uncrowned GXW Champion to her uncrowned resume! This is great!

DT: NEELY! COPYRIGHT!

DM: Tell that to Smallz!

[Lindsay locks the hold in tightly, but Smallz edges towards the ropes. He reaches out his arm and grabs a hold of the bottom rope. After some admonishing, Troy relinquishes the hold.]

DT: C’mon ref, get some control of the match here. Lindsay should break the hold on instruction!

MN: Bah, who needs rules when you have a body like that. Vavoom!

DT: Well, that body isn’t only hot, but it’s a lethal weapon, and she’s about to use it. She’s climbing the top and... 720 DEGREE SPLASH! This match has to be over...

One...

Two...

Thr... NO! BOOGIE SMALLZ KICKED OUT!

MN: What in the hell? He really is Black Superman! Either that, or his Maui Wowee is really woweeeeee!

DM: Considering it once brought him back from a twenty-foot near-fatal fall... it's wowee.

[The Queen slaps the mat and gets up. She pulls the last GXW Champion to his feet and climbs the ropes again. She waits for Smallz to get to his feet then leaps...]

DT: Oh my! IT’S THE CROWNING GLOR...NO! NO! SMALLZ COUNTERED IT INTO AN INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!

MN: But how does that hurt her? She doesn’t have any testicles?

DT: YOU IDIOT!

DM: Girl parts are sensitive too -

DT: ---And Smallz follows it up with a clothesline! Troy to the canvas! She gets up and Smallz with another clothesline, but Troy ducks! Troy ducks and takes him down with a crucifix...

One...

Two...

Smallz reverses it! He covers...

One...

Two...

Troy kicks out! Oh man! This is totally intense action here!

MN: Would you say it’s the greatest match in the history of our sport, Davy boy?

DT: SHUT UP!

DM: STFU, newbie! Go back to intarnet!

[Both competitors slowly get up. They go to lock up, but Troy quickly rolls Smallz up in a small package...

1...

2...

...but Smallz rolls through with a small package of his own...

1...

2...

...but Troy fights through and gets back into the original position....

1...

2...

Thr... no! Smallz ends the back-and-forth and breaks the hold. Both competitors get up...]

DT: Oh my, what’s going to happen now?

MN: Watch! Idiot!

DM: Rolex!

DT: Shut up, Smallz is going for a scoop and... MICHINOKU DRIVER INTO A COVER...

One...

Two...

Thr... NO! Troy kicks out! This match is a frigging see-saw!

DM: More like a roller-coaster. I guess that makes Smallz Space Mountain!

[Smallz picks Troy up, but Troy immediately greets him with a European uppercut. Dazed, Boogie stumbles back. Troy leaps up and hits him with a cobra clutch leg sweep. Instead of covering, she ascends to the top and waits for Smallz to get up. The pothead gets up and Troy leaps...]

DT: ALL HAIL THE QU... NO! SMALLZ COUNTERED IT WITH A POWERBOMB! HE COVERS...

One..

Two...

Thr... NO! The she-devil kicked out again! I don’t know how they’re both doing it, running on fumes.

[Boogie picks Troy up, bounces off the ropes...]

DT: FLYING FOREARM! That can only mean one thing!

DM: And we all KNOW what it means!

[Smallz picks up Troy...]

DT: Here it goes!

MN: No! No!

DT: He’s got her up, spinning around, and... POWER BONG! POWER BONG! THIS MATCH IS OVER...

One...

Two...

THREE!!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Your winner, by pinfall... BOOGIE SMALLZ!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DT: I can’t believe what we just witnessed here on free TV, Mike. Boogie may have denied that it was going to be a war to settle the score, but Lindsay thought otherwise. She brought it tonight.

MN: Yeah. I still would give this match to Lindsay on points, just because she’s so hot.

DT: Get over it, Mike. In fact, you’ll have a whole commercial break to get over it. We’ll be back with more Aggression after these announcements.

[Cue up spot for the new Johnson Famished Man dinner commercials, featuring Beast and the new Big Meat Loafy meal. However, Boogie Smallz hasn't left the ring as we go to the commercial...]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

DT: Folks, we're back - and Boogie Smallz still has yet to leave the ring!
[“Black Superman” by Above The Law is glaring through the arena. Boogie pats his pockets down and retrieves a blunt. He proceeds to light it up and take a few hits. He walks over to the ring apron and asks the ring announcer for the microphone. He gives the “cut” motion across his throat and the music stops. You can hear “Boogie” chants echoing throughout the building. He leans down and picks up the GXW/GWE World title. He rests the belt on his shoulder and stares into the camera.]

BOOGIE SMALLZ: I never once expected anythang to be handed to me. My whole life I have earned errythang I ever got, therre were no handouts on my block. I was taught at a young age that it’s a dawg-eat-dawg world and you gotta watch out fo’ yo’self at all times.

Your best friend could end up bonin’ your *****. Your own family could steal money out your wallet, while you sleep. [Puffs his blunt.] And you got to especially watch out for those greedy mofos that run they own biznuss, because they will get over on you erry chance they get.

[Paces the ring for a moment, while puffing his blunt.]

Last week I said that I was gonna come out herre and get a few thangs off my chest. Some ish that has been brewin’ inside me ever since I came to Empire Pro. Some ish about a lowlife douche bag that thinks he can control and manipulate other people’s lives! Well that my have been tha case before...but all that is gonna change TONIGHT!

[Puffs his blunt and secures the GXW/GWE World title on his shoulder.]

I told a few peeps in this biz, that I trust, what I am gonna do. They thought I was nuts. They honestly thought that something inside me snapped and that I had gone mad. They were like “Nah...you can’t say that.” And “dawg, are you sure you want to burn that bridge?” “What you say could destroy lives.”

Yeah? Well what about mine!? What about MY LIFE!? [Puffs his blunt.] See, for too damn long I have let futhamuckas tell me how to live my life. I have been wrestling’s version of Benson or Mr. Belvedere, a GOT DAMN SLAVE TO THA MAN! Well tonight, tha chains come off! I ain’t gonna be nobody’s ***** ANYMORE!

[Takes several puffs off his blunt and mean mugs the camera.]

Let me lay it out for all of you at home and in case you don’t realize it...this is a shoot.

A few months ago GXW...GWE...whatever you want to call it, closed down. Some say it was a lack of communication, other’s say it’s bad management...but for whatever reasons, they ain’t doin’ any shows. You hearr one guy call it a hiatus...another sayin’ it’s closed. You had guys from tha front office bickerin’ on tha got-damn internet! Oh yeah, y’all are some pros. I woulda’ kept ish behind closed doors, but you wanna air your dirty laundry for tha world to see...cool.

[Boogie pauses for a moment and the look of hatred sweeps over his face. He puffs his blunt and slowly lets the smoke roll out.]

And I hate to break it to you, but life goes on. I was gonna be damned if I sat on tha sideline until tha supposed “hiatus” was over. As far as I am concerned, GXWE, or whatever it’s called, was closed. From my viewpoint, I was out of tha job. So I did what most of tha mofos out therre that are unemployed do...I looked for a job.

CSWA? [Lets out a sarcastic laugh.] Maybe I’ll depend on them when I’m on tha Senior’s Tour...other than that, I’ll never get props therre.

NFW? Too late in tha season to even get into tha playoffs, so why bother?

EPW? Sure...why tha hell not? I already beat most of tha people herre and management seems like they got their ish together. So I hopped on board. Tha plan was set. I was gonna mess around with some folks, hurt a few feelin’s, and dominate like I did in GXW. Because as far as I am concerned...I am tha best this biznuss has to offer.

I pitched a helluva idea and from my standpoint I was 100% in tha right. I am tha World champion, I currently have possession of tha championship, and GWE ain’t cuttin’ me any checks. So what would you do? My partner in tha Hip Hop Express, Inferno, once went to a Pawn Shop with his championship belt. Would they prefer I do that? Put the belt up for auction on eBay?

F*CK THAT! I decided to take tha best route I could. Why let tha company I lived for, tha place I gave my heart and soul to, tha company I damn-near lost my life for...why let it die and be forgotten? Why? Because some needle-dick drunk in Germany is tryin’ to play God with people’s lives. Tryin’ to be a puppet master, pullin’ strings and watchin’ folks react to it. Well, I’m snippin’ tha strings off! I ain’t your lapdawg, Zieba!

If you step back for a minute and see tha big picture...I am tryin’ to save your ass! You shuttin’ GWE down left a bad taste in some folks’ mouths. You were wrong.

And now since tha rumors are floatin’ around that I came herre to unify tha World titles. Well thanks a lot for ruinin’ my angle. Thanks for screwin’ me over one last time, before you went back on “hiatus”. No Vaseline or nothin’, you just raw-dicked me and went on with your life as if it was nothin’.

Zieba, you might have revealed my plans to tha world and thought that it would be tha end of it. [Smirks and puffs his blunt.] But Zieba...you don’t own me. You own tha company I worked for and from where I stand...that’s it. GXW was bigger than you and it still is. You might want to shut it down, but I’m gonna keep tha legacy alive.

If I want to defend this title...I WILL! If I want to defend it in another company...I WILL! If I want to take it, melt it down, and make a hood ornament for my Escalade...I WILL! Basically, my plans are still on.

Now you’ve got some options, I’m sure. You can pull a Jack Tunney and blacken tha belt out on TV. You can file a lawsuit. Get a court order. You can pretty much do what you gotta do...’cuz best believe that’s what I’m doin’.

[Boogie takes a hit off of his blunt and looks down at his shoulder, with the GWE World title resting on it. He blows the smoke in the air and mean mugs the camera.]

I’m in control, now Zieba. I’m tha only guy you still got reppin’ GWE. You’re more concerned with drivin’ drunk on tha Autobahn and playin’ fantasy football...than runnin’ your own damn company. You sorry sack of sh*t!

I’m through talkin’ about it right now. I thought this would help me vent, but now I realize me sayin’ all this ish...well, it’s got me worked up. I don’t feel relief...just frustration. [Grits his teeth.] Zieba, you picked tha wrong man to f*ck with. [Mean mugs the camera.]

BELIEVE ‘DAT!

[Boogie flicks the unsmoked portion of his blunt out into the audience and stomps out of the ring. “Black Superman” blasts on the arena speakers and Smallz walks up the ramp, paying no attention to the fans. He stops at the top of the ramp, with his back turned to the ring, and throws a Black Power-type fist in the air. The crowd cheers and Boogie keeps walking to the back.]



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DT: That... Folks, I...

DM: We're so dead. I can see the lawsuit coming a mile away.

MN: Man... Boogie just went OFF!

DM: PEOPLE AT HOME! THERE IS NO GXW! YOU DID NOT JUST SEE THE GXW TITLE ON THAT MAN'S SHOULDER! GO ON WITH YOUR LIVES -

DT: DEAN!

DM: I'm trying to save us from a monster lawsuit!

MN: And what's Zieba gonna do, huh? You think he's gonna tear himself away from his little fantasy football long enough to try and start something?

DT: In any case, Boogie Smallz has thrown down the gauntlet here tonight! This is a man possessed, folks.

MN: I concur. He just frickin' RIPPED lazy-ass Zieba.

DM: *COUGH*

DT: In any case, we do need to get on with the show - hold on a minute! There's something happening in the back!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Cut to the backstage area, where the sounds of a commotion can be heard. The cameraman jogs down a hall, emerging into a locker room, where Christian Sands and Joey Melton are brawling. The two men are hammering at each other relentlessly, just slugging away and slamming each other into walls and lockers.]

DT: What - Oh lord! Christian Sands and Joey Melton are beating the hell out of each other!

MN: Aah! They're not even gonna wait for their match!

DM: Man, they're just MURDERLIZING each other!

DT: Oh, thank God! Here comes EPW security!

[After a few more punches, a gaggle of white-shirted security guards charge into the room and restrain both men - with a great deal of effort. Behind them is Paul Freeman, the seldom-seen second-in-command of EPW.]

FREEMAN: What the HELL is going on here?!

MELTON: Get off me!

SANDS: I'll kill 'im-

FREEMAN: Shut up, BOTH of you! I am NOT in the mood to tolerate your bullsh*t! Both of you, get the HELL out of this building - your match is off, you're suspended for the rest of the night!

SANDS: The hell?!

FREEMAN: Boys! Get 'em out of here!

[Melton and Sands struggle a bit as the guards drag them away.]

FREEMAN: I hate it when this happens.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DT: Well, folks, it looks like the match between Christian Sands and Joey Melton won't be happening tonight after all.

MN: That's a damn shame. I was looking forward to it.

DM: Don't fret, Mikeman. We've got plenty more action ahead.

DT: Indeed we do. Don't touch that dial - we'll be back in a flash!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The scene is backstage. JA is shown walking down the hall to his locker room. Suddenly a voice calls out to him.]

Voice: Hey you, over here!

JA: [turning around] What the hell? Priest? What are you doing here?

[The scene zooms in to reveal a man with slick black hair and piercing eyes. He's wearing leather pants and a JA shirt from his A1E days.]

Priest: What am I doing here? I'm in negotiations, big fella.

JA: Negotiations? You aren't serious.

Priest: Oh, but I am.

JA: Jesus...

Priest: What? Are you not happy to see an old friend?

JA: Friend? Is that what you are? Would a friend have walked out on me while I was recuperating?

Priest: Hey, I had other appointments to take care of. I had to keep myself busy.

JA: Oh give me a break. No call, no nothing, you tried to cash in on me while I was at home hurting from injuries I suffered before you got there and aggravated just so, in part, I could help you get started.

Priest: Oh don't give me that. Besides, I'm back. Forgiveness is a virtue, isn't it?

JA: Yeah it is, but even if I do forgive you... Jesus, I don't even want to talk about it. You're still in negotiations, you aren't even supposed to be on camera. Don't you know...

Priest: Camera, shmamera. Me and Ryan have come to an understanding anyway. It's only a matter of where to put the decimal point.

JA: Ugh...

Priest: Hey, hey, don't you worry about me. Just go out and get 'em, tiger.

JA: Oh shut up. Anyway, I have a match to prepare for.

Priest: By all means...

[JA walks off camera as the scene fades to a commercial for new EPW action figures from Wakks Atlantic.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

DT: Welcome back to Aggression!
MN: What’s next on the schedule?

DM: Hopefully a closeup of those hot-ass Empire Girls.

[The camera does, indeed, pan across all four Empire Girls, evoking roars of contentment from the male contingent in the crowd.]

DM: Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Look at the ass on Ruby, man.

DT: Dean -

[CUE UP: “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin as we cut to the entryway. Troy Douglas walks down the ramp.]

DT: -Well, here's a surprise, it's Troy Douglas!

MN: That stupid man helping out that insane man that I hate...John Doe!

[Douglas grabs a mic.]

Douglas: A few hours ago John Doe and I went over to Black Water Asylum to retrieve information on his past. Now it was under my order to perform this, in order to make John Doe an astonishing wrestler. I was told after each session with the doctors of Black Water I must give a report, well I had EPW camera crew record a session. John Doe will accompany me to ring side in my match up if he feels fit.

MN: waste of film....

Douglas; So, ladies and gentlemen, Session One.

FADE IN...

[In the right hand corner of the screen reads “17:00 Hours. Black Water Institute” John Doe and Troy Douglas are walking towards a doors as the crowd pops up as they get sight of the two of them. John walks in the door as two doctors are sitting.]

Doctor Ely: More Douglas pleasure to see you and you must be John Doe. Nice to meet you too

[Ely extends a hand but John just looks at it, Troy nudges John hard in the ribs as John gasps lightly]

Douglas: (Whispering) Shake the man’s hand John.

Doe: (unwilling shaking the mans hand) nice to meet you too...again...I think.

Doctor Pratt: Well this is just a overview of what we can get about your past John.

Doe: Well I just got my ass handed to me by Sandass so I think I forgot some more stuff...

Douglas: He is being sarcastic doctor, now what can you do.

Doctor Ely: Well if you will follow me.

[The doctors and John walk out of the office and head towards a door that reads “Restricted Area” John slows down as he looks in a room. Troy stops also.]

Douglas: What is it?

Doe: It’s my old room.

[Cameras zoom in the room as the room is padded what seems to be faded a bit black with dirt. Chains hang from the wall as a straight jacket lays in the corner, blood stains lay in drops around the room. Troy grabs John by the arm and pulls him with the doctors.]

DM (v/o): Hamming it up a little...

MN (v/o): Shh, watch the horror film.

Doctor Ely: Ok, john if you will across. This medical bed.

[John lays across the bed as the two doctors strap him in. John starts to pull the restraints.]

Doe: Hey, what they doing, hey the f(FCC)ck! Troy stop them, Troy!

[Douglas shakes his head.]

Doctor Pratt: Now this drug just came out, I forget the name, but it hasn’t been used yet. So we will just give John here a shot of it.

Douglas: What does that exactly do?

Doctor Ely: It will put him in a dreaming state, see the brain works as so: It take in information, when in severe trauma the brain shuts down like as though you faint, after it reboots, Amnesia occurs when the brain doesn’t “reboot” properly.

DM (v/o): That's a novel explanation-

MN (v/o): Down in front!

Doctor Pratt: By putting him in a dream state we can get some information out of him...in theory....

Doe: What you doing with that needle? Hey...Hey! Screw you piece of...

[Doctor Ely puts needle in johns thigh and injects it John pulls the restraints hard as he starts to sweat, the doctors take out notepads as they take notes. John pulls hard screaming as he squirms trying to get free. Doe mumbles in as he stops squirming.]

Doe: Title will....mine...my time....

Douglas: What is he saying?

Doctor Ely: Some thing in his past.

Doe: Hardcore match....chair...no...don’t swing it...I am sorry...swing it.....NO!!!!!!!!!

[Doe rips off the restraints as he grabs hold of Doctor Ely’s neck chocking him orderlies rush in the room holding him down.]

Doe: I AM NOT JUST ANYONE I AM ISAAC.......!

[John passes out and lays down. As Troy stands up.]

Douglas: It worked...we got some stuff out of him.

Doctor Ely: I conclude your friend is legally insane.

Douglas: ...I thought you concluded that years ago-

Doctor Ely: THIS SESSION IS OVER!!!

[Fade Back to the arena..]

Douglas: Now, we have come to aspects John Doe’s name is Isaac, not sure on a last name, we was a wrestler.

MN: ...And an idiot?

Douglas: John is still John Doe until full verification of his name is concluded. John Doe will remain under my wing and learn after me until I feel fit that he is able to wrestle - however long that may be. Now if you'll excuse me...

[Cue up: "Kashmir" as Douglas strolls to the back.]

MN: I told you Doe is wacko!

DT: Yes but it is just the beginning! We may know what his name is in a couple weeks and what happened!

MN: his name is Isaac, that’s all we want to know, because even if he does learn his name he will still be a horrible wrestler!

DM: His name is Isaac... Yankem.

DT: DEAN! COPYRIGHT!

DM: What's a copyright?

MN: His name might as well be Isuuck! It describes him better.

DT: *sigh* How tactful. And speaking of John Doe... he'll be taking on JA the Anglo Luchador tonight! Right now, in fact!

DM: Ooh.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


JA vs. John Doe
TONY FATORA: Th’ following contest is set for one fall.

[CUE UP: "Hypocritical" By Methods of Mayhem. John Doe steps out into the entrance way as the fans cheer around him. Taking his time walking to the ring, the lights flashing around him, he finally slides under the bottom rope, standing in one corner and saluting the fans in a show of confidence]

TONY FATORA: Weighing in at two hundred and tens pounds, this....iiisss...... JOOOOOOOHHHHNNNNNN.......DDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

DT: Doe entering this match with a lot of confidence now he’s been taken under the wing of our number one contender, Troy Douglas. But he’s got a tough challenge ahead in JA, who narrowly lost the Royal Rumble last week to Sebastian Dodd.

DM: JA's really impressed me thus far. I tend to dislike most competitors from the A1E circuit, but JA's proven himself to be a hell of a wrestler with a ton of talent.

[CUE UP: “Eat the Rich” by Fozzy. Running to the ring, hi-fiving the fans as he goes, JA wastes little time in entering the ring, playing to the fans and taunting Doe as only the Anglo-luchador can]

TONY FATORA: His opponent, weighing in at two hundred, fifteen and three eighth pounds and hailing from Philadelphia Pennsylvania... the Anglo-Luchador....JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[SFX: *ding ding*]

DT: And the match gets straight under way here, with Doe landing several neat punches, JA rocking. Doe with the whip off the ropes, and a nice tackle takes down the Anglo-Luchador. Doe off the ropes now, JA leapfrogging... he connects with a standing dropkick on the rebound, floating over for the quick cover... Doe kicks out before the count of one. JA with a kick to the gut, and a sweet suplex there takes Doe down. JA back up, waiting on Doe... spinning wheel kick takes Doe out of the ring to the floor.

DM: Sweet intense action from el Luchadore. Looks like ol’ Tory didn’t teach Doe how to cover up yet. Looks to me like JA’s gonna saturate that sponge without much trouble.

MN: I'll say! JA's squeezing him!

DT: Doe slow to his feet, looking rather peeved as JA plays the crowd here. JA’s actually goading John Doe to get back in the ring! Doe obliges, but is met with a hard chop from JA. Kick to the gut from JA, as he takes Doe down with a snapmare... somersault splash on Doe. JA running the ropes, rolling through... Doe moves out of the way, avoiding that Rolling Thunder attack there from JA!!!

MN: OK, so maybe Johnny’s able to avoid SOME blows.

DT: Doe dropping the knee onto JA, waiting for him to get up...HUGE kick to the head taking JA down hard. Doe picking JA up... snap suplex there, rolling through into a face lock on the canvas...HUGE knee to the face as Doe rolls through again, controlling JA with a nice combination set there.

MN: Lucky shots, nothing special.

DM: Au contraire. Doe's execution is very crisp here. Douglas' instruction is really showing. He's got a ways to go, but the raw talent is there.

DT: Doe firmly in control by the looks of things, taking JA down with a Russian Leg Sweep. The cover... only a one count, as JA is far from done. Doe scooping the Luchador up, Irish Whip to the corner, and he follows in with the splash. Doe with a kick to the legs... and another... a third kick takes JA down. The ref stepping in there, admonishing Doe for not letting his opponent out of the corner. JA looks in pain, using the ropes to balance as he shakes the leg out, and Doe looks almost pleased. A different side to John Doe this week, using his head against JA.

MN: Literally, with a strong head-butt there. Hey, I got it!

DT: Got what?

MN: Doe lost his memory by head-butting too many people!

DM: Maybe we can get him to head-butt you.

DT: Doe now taking his time, applying a toe hold, stretching out the leg of JA. JA slapping the mat to try and vent his frustration... looking to kick Doe off... but Doe steps through again, applying more pressure. JA’s shoulders on the mat

One..

Two... JA gets his shoulder up at two. Doe again looks to apply more pressure... NICE counter there by JA, as he nips up and scores with a thunderous enziguri, knocking Doe down hard. Can JA press the advantage, as he heads up to the second rope...short flying body press off the second rope from the Anglo Luchador!! The cover...

TWO...

No. Doe gets out in the knick of time. JA shaking his leg out, picks Doe up... is it a full nelson... NO!! A beautiful snap Dragon suplex there as John Doe lands HARD on the back of his head. JA starting to sense it here, as he goes to the top rope. Doe gets up slowly, holding his head... bulldog headlock off the top rope!! The added force of JA coming down from that height has got to be tremendous!! JA with the cover...

One...

TWO...

THR...Kickout at the last second by Doe. JA’s REALLY been taking it to Doe with impact blows to the head.

MN: He’s only trying to help him regain his memory. He’s a great guy.

DM: Give the man a medal!

DT: JA pulling Doe up by the hair, setting him up...NICE Powerbomb there. JA now positioning Doe near the corner, heading up top...looks like a reverse moonsault here... there he goes and he eats the canvas as Doe manages to roll towards the corner, saving himself from harm there. Nice ring presence by Doe, sensing the danger and going the right way to avoid it. The ref checking on JA, as Doe uses the corner to get to his feet. Doe holding his head a moment, trying to shake the cobwebs, and now JA’s starting to get up. Doe meets him with a HARD kick to the ribs there... another one... a kick to the leg from Doe takes JA down... NICE spinning side kick from Doe as JA tried to get up there.

MN: I know Doe can’t remember who he is, but don’t tell me he thinks he’s Bruce Lee now.

DM: He thinks he's Jackie Chan, actually.

DT: I doubt it, but those kicks have slowed JA down. Doe now dropping the elbow on the masked one, moving him to the corner. Looks like he’s setting him up for a moonsault of his own... YES, as Doe connects, locking in the cover...

One

TWO...

THRNOOO!!! The ref stops the count JUST before three when he sees JA’s foot on the ropes. Bad break for Doe there, as he forgot to hook the leg.

MN: Not the first thing he forgot, either.

DM: But a critical thing. Hooking that leg makes a kickout that much harder.

DT: Doe looks frustrated here, as he yanks JA off the mat...SMALL PACKAGE!!!

DM: STOP MOCKING MY PACKAGE!

DT: TWO...

Doe with the kickout, as Doe was nearly pinned after being caught off guard. Doe now catching JA with a hard clothesline, knocking him back down. Knee drop to the thigh there, as Doe picks the Anglo Luchador off the mat... German Suplex coming up... NO!! JA drops in behind, landing on his feet... Doe ducks under a clothesline from JA, both men running the ropes... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!!! Both men are down!!!

MN: I think JA caught Doe better with a little jump before they hit, making it into somewhat a flying clothesline. The ref counting now, as both men look out of it. But then again, when doesn’t Doe look out of it?

DM: Never.

DT: The ref now up to three... four...

Five...

Six.... Doe’s starting to stir...

Seven...

Eight...

Doe’s up now, as JA now is on his hands and knees, trying to shake the pain out of his leg. Both men have put a lot on the line here, and it’s showing as neither has been able to put the other away. Who’d’ve thought John Doe would have been putting up this good a showing against one of the most highly rated light heavyweights in the business?

MN: Not me, but Doe now scores with a right hand... JA with one in return. They’re boxing now!!!

DM: They be sluggin', they be sluggin'! Hoo-hah!

DT: JA managing there to block the right hand, scoring with two hard knife edge chops there. Doe's reeling. JA with an Irish whip to the corner, following Doe in... NICE monkey flip there, as Doe went FLYING across the ring. JA quick to capitalise on the advantage, hitting a flying forearm. Picking Doe up now... locking his arms... TIGER SUPLEX!!! JA rolling back now, the bridge

TWO!!

THRENOOOO!!!! Doe BARELY kicks out there after that flurry of offence from JA, who's almost shouting at the ref that that was three. The ref’s telling him exactly how close he was, and JA picking Doe up roughly by the hair now. Irish whip off the ropes... Doe ducks under the clothesline, coming back on the rebound... AMNESIA ATTACK!!! AMNESIA ATTACK!!!

MN: BUT JA’S FALLEN THROUGH THE ROPES!!!

DM: DAG!

DT: Tough break there for John Doe, as JA was too close to the ropes when he hit that DEVASTATING flying tackle/elbow to the throat and the impact knocked JA to the outside. The ref starting to count now on JA, who’s laying there barely moving. Doe trying to head to the outside, but referee Gomez stops him. He turns back, staring the count again, as JA starts to move, clinging to the apron, trying desperately to get back into the ring. The counts at 5... six..

Seven... Doe pulls JA back in by the mask there, breaking the count. Doe with a hard stomp on the back of the head, picking JA up now. Sending him off to the ropes, running the ropes himself... JA DUCKS THE AMNESIA ATTACK!!! Kick to the gut, setting Doe up... KARELIN DRIVER!!! That BRUTAL spinning gut wrench driver connects square in the middle of the ring. JA with the cover...

One...

Two...

THREE!!! JA wins it!!!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: The winner of the match by pinfall... JJJJJJJJJJJJ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DT: A resounding win tonight for JA the Anglo Luchador, as he continues to make a big splash in Empire Pro Wrestling and prove that he's got what it takes to take the federation by storm.

DM: But don't knock John Doe down. The kid's nuts, but he's got a lot of raw talent that's coming more into focus every day. Once he learns to fully apply himself he's going to be formidable, and he showed that here tonight.

MN: He's psycho! Lock him up!

DM: How insightful.

MN: Thanks.

DT: We've got to take a quick break - but when we come back, it's Cameron Cruise and Adam Benjamin in action! Don't go away!

[Cut to a commercial for EPW Aggression for Playstation 2 and XBox.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

Cameron Cruise vs. "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin
TONY FATORA: The following contest is set for one fall.

[CUE UP: “Headstrong” Trapt as the crowd pops for Cameron Cruise and his wife/valet Mercedes Devon walk down the ramp, posing in the centre of the ring]

TONY FATORA: Being accompanied to the ring by Mercedes Devon, weighing in at two hundred and forty nine pounds and hailing from Jacksonville, North Carolina... he is one half of the Tag Team Champions.... CAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOOONNNNNNN........CCCCRRRRRRUUUUUUUIIIIIISSSSSSSSEEEE EEEEE!!!

DT: Cruise has been on a roll here in Empire since he came out and attacked Suicide way back in East Rutherford in March. Let’s see how he handles the former Intercontinental champ.

[CUE UP: “Lose Yourself” by Eminem as "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin makes his way slowly to the ring wearing two English flag bandana's one that cover his head and the other that covers the lower part of his face revealing only his stone cold eyes]

TONY FATORA: And his opponent, weighing in at two hundred forty give pounds, and hailing from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.... “Yours Truly”....AAAAAAADDDDDDDAAAAAMMMMM....... BBBBBBBBEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNJJJJJJJAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN N!!!!!

DT: Benjamin, besides being the former IC champ, took Beast to the limit and looked to have the Worlds Title won last week. Add to that a strong showing in the War Games match and you’ve got one of the top guys in the business today.

MN: Taking nothing away from Cruise. Even if he did steal his name from a porn star, he’s still up their with the best. Of course having Joey Melton in his corner helps a lot.

DM: I have absolute faith in Adam Benjamin. This is a young man who carried Major Championship Wrestling on his shoulders and didn't stress a bit.

DT: There’s the bell, as Cruise and Benjamin circle each other in the centre of the ring. Cruise ducks in with the single leg take down, but Benjamin manages to keep on top, locking in a front face lock. Cruise rolls away before Benjamin can clasp his hands, running the ropes as he rises...

MN: Leap frog... that’s a good game

DM: Who's a frog?

DT: Benjamin drops under as Cruise rebounds. Cruise on the return again... Nice height on the dropkick there from Benjamin The man from Britain catches Cruise with a clothesline, dropping with an elbow for good measure. Cruise rolling to the outside now to gather his bearings, as the ref holds Benjamin back.

DM: Big Daddy English on fire here. Looks like Cruise didn’t bargain for that.

DT: The ref’s up to four now, as Cruise rolls back in. He and Benjamin lock up, Benjamin with the arm wringer... Cruise flipping to get out of it... reverses the hold. Benjamin... nice counter there, pulling off that arm drag. Cruise up, shoulder block takes Benjamin down. NICE!!!

MN: Man that was sweet.

DM: Indeed.

DT: Benjamin there with a nice drop toe hold counter to the shoulder block, floating over a locking in that hammerlock. Driving the knee into Cruise’s shoulder... and again... a third... and a forth time. Cruise shifting his weight, getting his feet under him and trying to stand here.

MN: Benjamin letting him up, keeping that hammerlock applied. Cruise looking for a headlock, but Benjamin grabs one first.

DT: Cruise shoots Benjamin off the ropes, but Benjamin counters with a cross body. A pin... no, Cruise kicks out at two. Benji picks up the larger man, whipping him into the corner. Following in... NO, Cruise gets the foot up and stops the man from Britain in his tracks. Cruise with a scoop slam, going up... knee drop from the second rope right on the sternum. Cruise now picks Adam off the mat, Irish Whip into the far corner. Cruise now following in, those predatory instincts, as he stomps away on Benjamin. A nice chop there, as he snapmares the smaller man out of the corner... straightjacket applied!!

MN: Benji don’t need no straight jacket.

DM: Give it to John Doe instead.

DT: The ref now checking it’s not a choke hold, as Benjamin struggles to find a way out of the hold. Cruise has his knee squarely in Adam’s back, adding more leverage to the move. Benjamin refusing to give up... he’s starting to rock back and forth... Cruise with a nice shut down technique there, somersaulting over with a modified neckbreaker to keep Benjamin down. Cameron Cruise keeps right on the attack, picking Benjamin up... nice Russian legsweep. The cover...two... no, kick-out at two there.

MN: Cruise recovering nicely from that onslaught earlier. I like.

DM: Benji's good, but Cruiser's got that veteran instinct. He's used to taking beatings.

DT: Cruise with a backbreaker here, focusing in on one area. Smart wrestling, as he bends Benjamin over the knee. The ref asking Benji if he wants to call it quits, but Benji is screaming no.

MN: Thumb to the eye there breaks the hold. Bad Benji, that’s not very gentlemanly.

DT: Regardless, it gives Benjamin time to recover. Cruise is the first to recover, picking Benjamin up. Frontface lock, and it looks like he’s going for.. NO, as Benjamin reverses into a Northern Lights... TWO....

NO, as Cruise JUST gets the shoulder up. It looked all over there with that one move, as Benjamin caught Cruise off guard. Benjamin now with an arm bar take down, wrenching on the shoulder. He switches to a hammerlock, lifting Cruise up... SLAM onto the arm. Benji’s moving a little slower, holding his back, as he picks Cruise up... NICE belly to belly... NO, as Cruise lands on his feet... SUPERKICK from Cruise knocks Benjamin down. Cruise following up with a cover... nope, as Benjamin kicks out at two. Cruise looking a little frustrated here, as he whips Benjamin into the corner again. He follows in, driving his shoulder into the gut of his opponent. Cruise now hoisting Benjamin to the top rope, adding a hard right hand for good measure. Follows him up... he’s dropping Benji over his shoulder?? No, it can’t be...

MN: He’s setting him up for a SUPER shipwreck!?!?

DT: Cruise has Benjamin in position for that over the shoulder cradled piledriver... BENJAMIN COUNTERS!!! A sunset flip out of the corner...

ONE...

TWO...

THRNOOOO!!!! Cameron Cruise JUST BARELY kicks out from that sunset flip off the ropes. I thought he had Benjamin all set up for the shipwreck out of the corner, but it’s not over yet. Both men slow to get up, and it looks like Benjamin may have hurt himself when he landed. He seems to be favouring that right leg.

DM: Yeah, but Cruise looked like he landed badly on his neck. This one’s gonna be close.

DT: Benjamin up first, chopping Cruise across the chest, following it up with a forearm smash. Cruise fires back with a hard right hand... Benjamin with a right... they’re trading punches back and forth, back and forth in the centre of the ring!!! Benjamin using a thumb to the eyes to shut Cruise down. Kick to the gut... BIG snap suplex there. The cover...

TWO...

NO!! Cruise AGAIN kicks out. He’s still holding his neck, but Benjamin now looking frustrated, almost like he planned to drop Cruise on his neck a few moments ago. Benjamin now arguing with the ref, but Weatherby tells him it was only a two count. ROLL UP!!!

TWO!!!

THNO!!!!!! Cameron Cruise taking advantage of Benjamin’s argument to ALMOST snatch the match away from him. Both men back up... Cruise ducks the clothesline attempt from Benjamin, scoring with the neckbreaker. Cruise now, whipping Benjamin off the ropes... Benjamin ducks under the clothesline... SHINING WIZARD!!!! SHINING WIZARD ON THE REBOUND!!!. Benjamin drops straight onto Cruise. Weatherby with the count....

One..

TWOOO.....

THREE!!! Adam Benjamin picks up the win!!!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: The winner of the match by pinfall.... “YOUR’S TRULY” AAAAAAADDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM...... BEEEEEEEEEENJAMIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DM: I knew it.

DT: Adam Benjamin continues to prove himself to be a top contender in this business, as he puts away one half of the World Tag-Team Champions with the Shining Wizard.

MN: Big Daddy English has been ON lately. He beat Cruise, took Beast to the limit... damn, man. He's on fire.

DT: I concur. Benjamin's secured his place here as a top contender, and I see no limit to the heights he can reach. Folks, we've got to take one more commercial break, but when we come back - the main event! Don't go away!

[Cut to a commercial for Nag'N'***** cereal.]

 

[DBrunkGXW]

DT: Well, it’s time for our main event, a tag team match featuring the champions taking on their respective challengers.
MN: You forgot to mention that we’re being sponsored by Surge.

DT: But we aren’t, I mean... oh, now I get it. Hey, shut up!

DM: Can we just get on with the match, newbs?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Beast & Jonathan Marx vs. Troy Douglas & Sebastian Dodd
[Cue up “Stellar” by Incubus. Enter Sebastian Dodd, who stands at the top of the aisle, looking with disgust at the fans.]

DT: Here comes the challenger for the Intercontinental Championship, Sebastian Dodd.

MN: Kenny Lombardo must be proud, seeing his hero get ready to take the Intercontinental Championship.

DT: You’ve been spending too much time with JA, haven’t you?

MN: No, but I mean, c’mon, it makes sense that a shrimp like Lombardo would look up to someone as great as Dodd is.

DM: Dodd IS great. The boy knows his rasslin'.

[Dodd walks down the aisle, pulling away his hand from each youngster making them think he’s gonna shake it. He enters the ring and his theme song dies down. Cue up “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin. Out comes Troy Douglas to a moderate pop from the crowd.]

DT: Troy Douglas, number one contender to the World Championship! But he was pretty absent this week.

MN: Well, he was helping John Doe train. That’s a noble cause

DM: You don’t support noble causes, Mike.

MN: I know. You didn’t let me finish. He’s stupid for taking up such a noble cause. C’mon! You’ve got a shot at Big Loafy!

[Douglas gets to the ring, and Dodd shoots him a look that could kill.]

DT: Whoa, do you think that Dodd’s a little peeved for Douglas’ being AWOL this week?

MN: No, and in other news, I think Elvis is still alive and that the sky is purple.

DT: Why do you mock me?

MN: Because it’s fun.

DM: I concur.

[Cue up “Only Happy When It Rains” by Garbage. “Gentleman” Jonathan Marx comes out with his Intercontinental Championship slung over his shoulder.]

DT: Here comes the I-C Champ. He’s not impressed with his challenger in the least.

MN: Well, he should be. After getting beat by the Queen last week, he ought not to take any challenger lightly!

[Marx reaches ringside, where he exchanges a few words with Sebastian Dodd. Then, the arena lights go down and the sound of monks chanting comes on the PA. Then, as Chad Kroger sings “I like your pants around your face,” red and white pyro blasts off. Beast comes out of the back, thumping his fist on his chest, World Championship belt tightly around his waist.]

MN: BIG LOAFY!

DT: Yes, the World Champion has arrived! It’s time for a fight!

DM: Why does his music sing about liking peoples' pants down and them on their knees? Perv.

[Beast heads down to the ring and consults with his partner. They both climb up to the ring apron at the same time and enter the ring.]

DT: Do you feel that tension in there Mike? You can cut it with a putty knife!

MN: Oh yeah, we’re gonna see some mother...

DT: FAMILY SHOW!’

MN: ...funking violence in there tonight, baby! And hopefully, Big Loafy is on the receiving end of most of it!

[Dodd pushes Douglas out of the way as to say “Hey, I’m kicking things off.” Marx and Beast look at each other, and they nod. Surprisingly, Beast is the one who steps forward to kick things off.]

DT: Wow, Marx deferring here. I’m surprised. You’d think he wants a preview of what he’s going to get at Wrestleverse.

MN: Well, Marx is a gentleman. Even for someone as unrefined as Big Loafy.

DT: I don’t know. I’m guessing it’s because Dodd’s gotten under Beast’s skin too this week. I think Beast wants to show Dodd the meaning of the word respect.

[The bell rings and we’re off. Beast and Dodd lock up, collar and elbow. The Champ gets the early advantage, wrapping his giant right arm around Dodd’s neck.]

DT: The Champ locks up early. Headlock, cinched in vise-tight. Dodd’s neck is being squeezed.

DM: You know, that isn’t the worst part. Man, Big Loafy’s BO must be doing a number.

MN: I can smell it from here!

DT: BO or not, Dodd pushes Beast out of the hold and off the ropes. Dodd with the clothesline attempt and NO, Beast ducks. On the rebound, Dodd coming at Beast like a locomotive, and, uh-oh! Beast sends him to the canvas with a shoulder block! Looks like the immovable object won out on that exchange.

MN: Nah, I still think Our Hero is reeling a bit from that pit stank.

[Dodd gets up and stands back, shaking his head at Beast and then pointing at it. Beast just stares at him, beckoning him to bring it.]

DT: Beast isn’t impressed. I think he wants Dodd to bring some more.

DM: Well, he ought to be careful for what he wishes for. About eight other guys underestimated Dodd last week, and Big Loafy is dangerously close to doing the same right now.

DT: Another collar and elbow tie up, and Beast again with the advantage. Puts in a hammer lock, behind the back. Dodd with one elbow, hits the mark, another one, this time missing. Beast forcibly takes Dodd and tosses him off the ropes. Dodd bounces and... OH MY! Look at that air Dodd just got on the cross-body!

MN: See, Beast just underestimated the number one contender to the Intercontinental Champion.

[Dodd takes Beast to the ground with a cross-body and gets right back to his feet. Beast gets up too, but when he gets to all fours, Dodd hurries in with an Oklahoma roll...

On...

Dodd doesn’t even get a one count before Beast kicks out.]

DT: Well, I think Dodd just underestimated the World’s Heavyweight Champion there. A pin attempt that early is just that, early.

DM: Relax, it’s still a good strategy to wear down Big Loafy. It’s a matter of time before he starts loafing anyway.

DT: Beast NEVER loafs, Mike.

MN: Yeah, right.

DM: Never means always in Burgerman-talk.

DT: Well, he’s not loafing now, but he’s still got to get to his feet. Dodd quickly behind him and he catches Beast with a bulldog headlock! Dodd is the sparkplug early on here!

MN: There’s a reason why he’s the number one contender to the I-C title, Davey Boy.

[Beast gets up and shakes off the bulldog. He looks at Dodd like Dodd just kicked his dog and rushes after him. The Champ comes in with a kick, but Dodd catches it and immediately counters with a dragon screw leg whip into a single crab. Dodd grabs the other leg and completes the Boston crab.]

DT: Dodd’s got that crab locked in tight. Beast is getting housed in the early going of this match!

MN: Our Hero is proving to be my hero here! Anyone who can make Big Loafy his ***** like this deserves some props.

DT: Well, Dodd has that hold locked in, but Beast is pushing up with those massive arms of his, and he’s, oh my Lord, he’s dragging Dodd across the ring with just his arms! Beast reaches the ropes and Dodd breaks the hold in astonishment!

MN: Jesus Christ, Big Loafy is incredible! It’s got to be performance enhancers! Ref! Spot check!

DM: Check for zits on his back!

DT: Oh Christ, what are they going to do, make him pee in a cup in the middle of the ring?

MN: Yeah, and once he starts peeing green liquid on the spot, he’ll be disqualified!

[Beast turns around and stares a hole in a still disbelieving Dodd. Dodd starts to beg off, but Beast trucks him with a clothesline. He retreats back to his corner and tags in Jon Marx. Marx heads over to Dodd, who’s just starting to get up.]

DT: Oh my, this might just heat up here! Marx goes over to the man who’ll challenge him, and...

MN: Wait, wait, Troy Douglas is distracting the ref!

DT: You’re right he is and... Dear God! Dodd just nailed Marx with a low blow! The nerve, Dodd gets up and he tags out to Douglas.

DM: Smart move there by both members of the team. Dodd needs a break after that steroid-enhanced clothesline and Douglas is the freshest guy in the match!

DT: You’re right, Douglas enters the ring and goes for a clothesline of Marx, but the Gentleman ducks and counters with a hangman’s neckbreaker! Douglas down on the canvas just as soon as he got in the ring. Marx rubs his groin, I think he’s shaken it off, and he goes right for Douglas again as Douglas tries to get to his feet. Marx grabs Douglas and, wow, what a sweet belly-to-belly suplex there! Marx goes over and there it is! Figure four leglock!

DM: Man, Douglas just seems flat to start the match here. Maybe he was spending too much time training John Doe and forgot he had a match too!

DT: Well, I can assure you that Troy Douglas won’t make the same mistake again at Wrestleverse, but right now, he’s in a world of trouble. Marx has that figure four locked in tight. Douglas is trying to turn it over, but Marx is resisting, resisting, and Douglas has him turned over! But Marx releases the hold, so it’s for naught.

MN: No it’s not, Douglas got Marx to relinquish the hold, didn’t he?

DT: Well yes, and Douglas gets up, but Marx immediately greets him with a DDT. He covers...

One...

Two...

...but Douglas kicks out.

DM: Barely.

[Marx goes to pick Douglas up, but the number one contender to the World Title elbows him in the gut and sends him to the mat with a fireman’s carry takeover.]

DT: Douglas with the crafty counter there, and he stumbles over to his corner, tagging in Sebastian Dodd. Maybe now we’ll get to see that preview of Wrestleverse now!

MN: Sneak peek! Sneak peek! Ooh, I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl!

DT: Dodd comes right in and drives a knee into the side of the head of Marx! Man, that was intense!

MN: We’re gonna have a new I-C Champ at Wrestleverse!

[Marx holds his head and rolls over on his back, but Dodd won’t relent. He drops an elbow across the Intercontinental Champion’s chest and covers...

One...

...but Marx kicks out.]

DT: Marx kicks out there, and frankly, I think Dodd is believing his own hype. He’s going to need more than just that to put Marx away.

DM: Hey, relax, he’s wearing them down.

DT: That’s a good strategy but that can be done with submission holds, and Dodd has just applied one to Marx in the middle of the ring. Rear chinlock, and I think Dodd’s got it in good.

MN: See? Our Hero has the strategy.

DT: Dodd with that chinlock in tight, but Marx is moving around. He’s getting the grip on it loosened and he’s getting to his feet. Dodd trying to maintain pressure, but Marx is halfway to his feet, now fully to his feet. Marx with one elbow to the gut, two, and Dodd releases. Marx bounces back and goes for a clothesline. Dodd ducks and quickly turns around. Marx rebounds, running and... OH MAN! Dodd just got some air and nailed Marx with a dropkick!

MN: Tremendous move by Our Hero!

DT: Dodd not letting up, he’s grabbing Marx by the head and dragging him to his feet. Front facelock and Dodd’s got him up for a suplex. Steps forward and... drops him on the ropes and back with a sweet slingshot suplex! Dodd covers...

One...

Two...

...but Marx kicks out again!

MN: Dodd is proving he’s the real deal here!

DM: Yeah, but Marx and Beast are titleholders here. You never know what they have up their sleeves.

[True to Dean’s words, as Dodd goes to pick up Marx, the I-C Champ nails him with a chinbreaker. Dodd goes flying back and Marx uses the opportunity to tag in the Champion.]

DT: Beast steps in over the top rope and he’s staring a hole right through Sebastian Dodd!

MN: Wow, Big Loafy looks pissed! Roid rage, maybe?

DT: Will you give it a rest?

MN: C’mon, it’s...

DT: Oh crap! Beast rushes across the ring and railroads Dodd! I mean, he just clocked him with a huge lariat! Dodd goes flying and Beast comes in right after him. Beast grabs Dodd, off the ropes, Dodd rushes in and SPINEBUSTER! Beast nearly killed him! The Champ floats over...

One...

Two...

Dodd kicks out!

And now Beast is pointing at Troy Douglas! Are we going to see another preview of Wrestleverse?

MN: Another sneak peek! Another sneak peak! I’m so giddy!

DM: Uweeheeheehee...

[Dodd crawls over to the corner as Beast yells at him to tag in Douglas. Dodd tags in Douglas and the number one contender chins up to the Champion.]

DT: Oh man, the tension is even thicker now! Champion and challenger, jaw-jacking with each other in the middle of the ring! And now it’s boiling over! Douglas cracks Beast in the jaw! Beast answers back! Douglas again! Beast again! It’s a knock-down, drag-out see-saw!

MN: This is even better than I thought it would be!

DM: They be sluggin, they be sluggin'!

DT: Douglas with a haymaker, and another, and another! He grabs Beast and whips him off the ropes and OH MY! What a powerslam! That had to take some power to lift up the Champ like that! Douglas grabs Beast to pick him up and... OH MAN! Beast just cracked him with a punch to the nose! Douglas recoils back, I think he’s bleeding!

MN: Big Loafy just used a closed fist! Disqualify him!

[Douglas wipes the blood from his nose and turns back around to face Beast, and Beast levels him with a big clothesline. Douglas is laid out on the canvas, and Beast moves in, putting him in a sharpshooter.]

DT: Beast is now punishing the number one contender with that wrenching sharpshooter. Troy Douglas is not having a good night here.

MN: Yeah, he’s flat. And now, Big Loafy is reaping the benefits. I hate this!

DT: Well, you may hate it, but the fans are eating it up, but wait, Douglas is inching towards the ropes. Beast’s grip on the hold is loosening and he’s inching and inching...

MN: Come on Douglas! Come on Douglas!

DT: Troy is reaching and reaching and... he’s got the ropes!

MN: Yes!

DM: Lucky break, literally.

DT: Beast relinquishes the hold, but he’s right back on Douglas! Stomp to the back! And another! Beast is punishing the man he’s about to face at Wrestleverse! He grabs Douglas and lifts him up for a vertical suplex. Man, what power by the Champion, holding a man of Douglas’ size up there for that long.

MN: ‘Roids! I’m telling you, Big Loafy’s a big doper!

DT: Oh stop it, those are unfounded accusations, but what’s not unfounded is his power! He’s dropping him and... HIGH IMPACT SPINEBUSTER!

DM: I hear Big Loafy likes to call that one “The Apocalypse.”

DT: Well, that very well may be the Apocalypse for Douglas as Beast covers...

One...

Two...

Thr... NO! Douglas kicks out!

MN: Man, Troy Douglas will not be put away so easily.

DT: No, he won’t, and that’s why he’s the number one contender! Beast goes over to his corner and tags in Marx. They both go over to Douglas and whip him off the ropes. Douglas, coming in, this can’t be good for him and... DOUBLE STUN GUN! Douglas’ neck just got his neck rung!

MN: Get Loafy out of there!

DT: Beast follows the rules, and he’s out of the ring. Marx now has Douglas at his mercy. Marx goes over to pick Douglas up but... oh man! Douglas just nailed him in the face! There’s no quit in him!

MN: No! And that’s why he’s going to beat Loafy!

[Marx stumbles back and Douglas hits a desperation clothesline. He crawls over and tags Dodd in.]

DM: Oh man! Dodd is like a kid in a candy shop here!

DT: You can say that again. He stalks in the ring and stomps Marx right across his back once, twice, three times. Marx is prone!

[Dodd goes over and locks in a sleeper hold on the Intercontinental Champion. He rolls over and puts a leg scissors on.]

DT: Dodd’s got that hold cinched in with pit bull intensity!

DM: There’s no letting up when you’re trying to soften up the man you’re trying to beat at Wrestleverse!

DT: You’re right and Dodd knows that. He’s gotta feel like he’s getting an advantage here. He’s got that hold locked in. The ref holds up Marx’s arm once, and it drops. Twice... and it drops, third time and Marx’s arm stays up! It stays up! The Intercontinental Champion is getting up and he pushes Dodd off him. Dodd bounces off the ropes, but he comes in and... WHAM! Big flying cross chop sends Marx right back down to the canvas. Dodd covers...

One...

Two...

But Marx kicks out.

MN: Man, so close.

DT: Yes, but Dodd isn’t taking it for granted. He’s back on the canvas! This is a man possessed! Dodd grabs Marx and picks him up. He goes behind Marx and... BIG German suplex! Bridge...

One...

Two...

Thr... NO! Marx kicked out! Marx kicked out!

[Dodd gets up and tags out to Douglas. Dodd and Douglas go for the double-team. They pick Marx up and hit him with a double suplex. The ref uses his five count on Dodd, but Dodd refuses to get out of the ring. Beast leaps into the ring and tackles Dodd.]

MN: LOAFY!

DM: OOF!

DT: You’re damn right! Beast just level Dodd, but Dodd absorbed it and they’re brawling! They’re out of the ring!

[As Dodd and Beast are brawling on the outside of the ring, Douglas grabs Marx and whips him off the ropes. On the rebound, he nails the Intercontinental Champ with a back body drop. Marx gets up and Douglas whips him into the corner. Douglas grabs Marx and gets on the second rope.]

DT: Oh my, Douglas is going for The End of the Road here! He grabs Marx, but NO! Marx cracks him! Douglas is astraddle the top rope!

MN: Oh no! Looks like Marx has something big planned here!

DT: Marx grabs Douglas and... SUPER DDT! SUPER DDT! THIS ONE HAS TO BE OVER! He covers...

One...

Two...

THREE! THREE! THIS MATCH IS OVER!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Your winners, Jonathan Marx and Beast!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DT: What an upset here tonight, as Jonathan Marx pulls off the win over the number one contender to the World Title!

DM: That just goes to show you how competitive things are here in EPW, Dave!

DT: Indeed they are. But in any case, that's gonna do it this week for Aggression!! For Mike Neely and Dean Matthews, I'm....

[Thomas is interrupted by the loud strains of "Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins - the crowd erupts and stands to their feet as a video montage of Empire Pro Owner Dan Ryan appears on screen.]

MN: HOLY S**T!!

DT: Family!!

MN: But the owner is here!! No one told me!! I'm not properly dressed!!

DM: Heh heh.

[Ryan steps out onto the stage, dressed in street clothes and eliciting an even louder reaction from the crowd, which draws a grin from the owner. A crew member walks alongside him, carrying a long hang up bag.]

MN: There he is!!

DT: Indeed we weren't expecting our owner to be making an appearance here tonight, but ...well hell, he does own the place!!

MN: How's my hair look??

DM: Bad.

DT: Oh, for crying out loud....

[Pyro erupts as Ryan makes his way to the ring and climbs in, offering a stare into the crowd and a cocky half-grin. Moments later he is handed a microphone.]

[Ryan pauses as the crowd continues to cheer.]

DT: Listen to the ovation for the owner of Empire Pro!!!

Ryan: Fellow Empire Pro faithful........I'm back.

[Ryan smiles as the fans buzz once more.]

Ryan: I've been plying my trade in other lands, doing my best to make sure that my ring ability isn't wasted on the sidelines. And all the while, I've been keeping an eye on my company from afar. About a month and a half ago, something caught my ear. And while it didn't behoove me to take action at that particular time, I have chosen now as the time, and I have chosen you - as the lucky witnesses of said action.

[the crowd buzzes a bit in anticipation]

MN: Dammit, I knew I shouldn't have made that steroid crack out loud....

DT: You made a steroid crack??

MN: UHHH......no. Did you?

Ryan: Please allow me to elaborate. I'd like to play a little video clip dated July 6th, 2004. I'm sure you'll all recognize it.

[Ryan points to the screen as a video rolls, and we see EPW World Champion Beast with his belt over his shoulder in front of an EPW backdrop.]

Beast video: In Empire Pro, Adam... I wear the gold. I am the CEO.

Now it's time for me to fire your ass.

DT: Uh oh.

[Ryan smiles and looks down in the ring.]

Ryan: And so you have it. Marcus Westcott is the CEO of Empire Pro, because of the shiny belt that he has sloppily tossed across his shoulder. Aside from the fact that a real champion would wear the World Title around his waist, let me clear up some misconceptions.

First of all, that belt you wear gives you absolutely no power or authority whatsoever. Furthermore, the only person in this organization that has any say so in the employment future of Marcus Westcott, Adam Benjamin or anyone else is the man you see in the ring right now.

Now then, since your big fat neanderthal head has gotten too big for your place in this business I feel it my duty to offer you up a reminder.

Now, I know you just competed in a brutal main event match. You must be tired.

[Ryan smiles again.]

But despite that, I want you to come back out here and defend your title. You have five minutes or....well....or you're fired.

[The crowd's cheers go to a mixed reaction of cheers and loud boos.]

DT: He wants Beast to defend the title?!! After that main event??

MN: Looks like Beastie Boy opened his mouth one too many times.

[The crowd erupts again as Beast steps out onto the stage, still sweating from his match. He takes a microphone from a crew member.]

Beast: Look Ryan, I'm really not in the.....

[Beast's mic cuts out and is replaced by another sound - "WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA" similar to the adults on Charlie Brown cartoons.]

Beast: WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA

[Beast looks down at the mic in anger as Ryan, in-ring holds a hand up to his ear and mocks trying to find out what's wrong. Beast, for his part slams his mic down in anger.]

Ryan: Technical difficulties, I hate that....

[Beast takes a few steps toward the ring, but is halted by a hand from Ryan who motions his attendant into the ring with the hang-up bag.]

Ryan: I don't think you wanna come any closer, sport. You best stay right where you are. Besides, I wanted to finish my announcement for the fans here. You will indeed defend your title in a mere moments right here in this ring - and you'll do it.....

[Ryan takes the hang up bag from the attendant and unzips the bag, pulling out a dress that looks precisely like the dress worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz.]

Ryan: ...wearing this.

MN: OH MY GOD!! THAT'S AWESOME!!!

DT: He expects the World champion to wrestle in that???

MN: He's showing him who's in charge around here!!

Ryan: That's right. You can stand up there and get your little Frankenstein transistors in an uproar, but you're gonna bring your about to be dressed like Dorothy Gail ass down to the ring and defend that title, like it or not.

[The crowd boos the announcement and Beast seethes on stage.]

Ryan: No wait....on second thought I've got a better idea.]

[Ryan smiles once more.]

Ryan: I'm a fair man, so we'll make it next week.

[The fans boos even louder.]

Ryan: Next week you'll defend your title in a three way dance against ...the reigning EPW World Tag Team Champions, Cameron Cruise, and Joey Melton.

[The fans pop slightly at the announcement, but are clearly upset at not getting the match themselves.]

Ryan: So you go ahead and hit the showers, do whatever it is you do to get ready.....and Marcus?

[Ryan raises his eyebrows and we get a quick shot of Beast furious on stage.]

Ryan: Don't forget your dress.

[Ryan smiles evilly as the copyright information appears on the bottom of the screen.]