A Sorry State Of Affairs

[Frozen Atlantic]

*~*~*~*~*​

“Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day.”
- Jim Rohn

*~*~*~*~*​

"Greetings, future lackeys. Regretfully, I appear before you in a spirit of embarassment and irritation."

We cut away from the black screen to see a scene completely devoid of the air of intrigue and mystery the last couple segements have had : it's a mall food court, and our heroine (?) looks more prepared for panhandling than verbal destruction. Dirty, loose white shirt, hair sagging into her eyes, and a very prominent zit above her right eyelid that no one's even attempted to hide.

It's Europe, and although St. Enoch is crafted with tourists in mind with many of the usual eateries, it's still distressingly... foreign. The roof is windowed, light spills in, things just have that weird overly stylized look foreign places to. Teresa waves a hand in front of her eyes as if shooing the lights away. Some half-eaten pizza is on the side. "I am not to blame for this sorry state of affairs. A beating was laid onto Maggot and his doppelganger, and I won. Oh, speaking of which, before I get sidetracked - Billy? Our affairs are closed. I wish you the best with your future endeavors. Remember that names have power - don't use your lips to form the syllables that summon me unless you want to congratulate me on being better than you, in which case management will give you my voicemail and you will keep it freakin' brief."

Had Billy done anything (besides being painfully mediocre) to deserve such dismissive treatment? Probably not, but Chaos had its demands... Teresa leans back and drapes her arms against the sides of the chair. "When your dog drops a load onto the floor in front of company, one can't help but feel somewhat responsible. You may not have... squeezed out the link, but he IS at your leash - it's embarrassment via proxy. So, I've been sitting here all day, stuffing my face, because I chose last month to cast my lot with a company who's world champion is a heretofore unprecedented ****up."

She leans into a cup of soda, takes a lazy drag of the straw, and stifles a belch. "The flight of whimsy that brought me here has crashed, so pardon me for not dolling myself up for this squad of ****wits masquerading as co-workers. So far, Felix and this absolutely whipped dude Rocko have been the only people here brave enough to reach out for that glorious brass ring of competence."

Finally, she looks squarely into the camera, eyes sharper than ever. "Hiroshi! What's wrong with you, Muffins? If you need some flunkie to do your run-ins between hits of your special sake, strap on your big girl panties and WRITE A CHECK! David Tui's big and dumb, and you did like him before he overreacted to that little jab you made at him last week. Think of it as the part of every romantic comedy when you (played by Hugh Grant, you lovable failure you) and Tui (Sandra Bullock, natch, that perfect combination of butch overcompensation and constant, girlish whining) talk out that tragic misunderstanding in the first act and embrace the love that was meant for you all along.

It's not so bad that your inability to keep out of my business made my win less decisive - I mean, it's Billy Lovemuscule at a house show, not going on my resume regardless of whether I make him cry or not. But to see you, flailing around not one but two nights in a row, tripping over your own shoelaces and ruining two matches in your haste to show everyone what a groupie you are a week after your long ass 'I've stripped you of everything, and I've turned my back on you' speech? Pathetic. Ridiculously."

She takes a deep breath, as if to say more, but snatches the pizza and takes a big bite. She waves her hand around for a while, slumped over, and then swallows. "Your constant failure brings shame upon the entire roster. I mean, between you and ***** Boy... I mean, I never thought I'd ever work for a company where a guy in a giant cat suit would be the upholder of dignity around here. Then again, I never expected to be here, filming a promo in a food court, pepperoni burn on the roof of my mouth, appearing before the world in a state of embarassment and humility, its borders growing vast and tiresome like an outdated meme. Stirring the beakers, jotting notes on this failed experiment known as life, comforted in the knowledge that I am not to blame for this sorry state of affairs."

Cut to black. A voice sighs from the darkness.

"Hail Discordia."

 

[DizzaHizza]

* Hiroshi shifts the belt on his shoulder. *

KIN: "So what makes you think that you're big s**t around here? Because you did something in a house show? Woah-ho-ho! Stop the presses! What out for this lady slugger!

You need to go back to go back to dust-busting the carpet, honey. There's men talking here.

Hail Dish-soapia, in the kitchen, b**ch."

 

[Frozen Atlantic]

*~*~*~*~*​

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”
- Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*​

"Kin, the flying fish, as predicted. You lay out a little bait, and he practically leaps from the water to prove your point for you."

The title card dissapears. A black backdrop, no logo, clearly constructed on the fly.

"Lesson One - if you want to show someone their not worth your time, the trick is to not respond instead of letting the whole world record your miserable-ass quips for posterity. That way, the entire roster doesn't have to see you get verbally obliterated by someone who's barely been here long enough to get a locker. Break the cycle of failure, Hiroshi. Try something new. Try shutting up.

No promos, no matches, no media appearances, no runins where you kill everybody except the one guy you were going after, no leaving your place of residence if you can help it. Just you, Kin Hiroshi, lying in bed all day, desperately clutching the NFW Title and the illusion of competence it so generously bestows."

Teresa clutches her head and faintly mumbles, "Dish-soapia," and looks back into the camera, annoyed beyond catchphrases. "Go away, or I shall taunt you a second time..."

 

[DizzaHizza]

** Hiroshi snorts a bit as the milk drips from his nose. **

KIN HIROSHI: "Listen, broad, you think that I should just keep my mouth shut around those not worth my time?

"Some people aren't smart enough to figure it out themselves, and I'm just providing another professional service. I take time out of my busy schedule to let you, a bottom feeder in NFW, know that you're completely ridiculous, and this is how you thank me?"

** Hiroshi grabs at a napkin and wipes the milk from his face and shirt. **

HIROSHI: "The nerve of some people. Obviously you signed a contract with a company where you don't know the first thing about the World Champion. Run-ins? What respectable wrestler does those anymore?

"What really amuses me is that you think you can verbally obliterate me. Sweetheart, look at me, I'm barely as big as the legs of some of these monsters hulking around the lockerroom. Felix Red seems to think that he dropped the belt to me out of pity or a want to dominate the mid-card. Hell, I got inside of his head and he won't admit it. You check my credentials anywhere around the globe, and you'll learn the Kin Hiroshi is synonymous with 'mind f**k'.

"I seriously can't believe you thought I'd keep my mouth shut after you accuse me of paying that Kooter Cruise wanna-be, David Tui, to go do something or rather. Honey, if you paid any sort of attention to the lockerroom, you would have known, two weeks ago nonetheless, that the only business between Tui and myself is a few swift kicks in the near future. If I wanted someone to run-in, all I would have to do is give the word to either half of The NEW VD. Styles or Rage would gladly do any dirty work for me, and at zero cost.

"Taunt me a second time? Dear, you'd have to have taunted me a first time. Instead, you unwittingly drew Kin Hiroshi to you when Kin Hiroshi has done nothing to provoke you.

"You couldn't talk your way out of a phone conversation, let alone go toe-to-toe with a cunning linguist such as myself. Before you think to much harder about how you're going to 'taunt me again', go ahead and pull your head out of your slit, borrow some DVDs from the production van, watch them to catch up on the past few weeks, and then sit down and do some research about the past two seasons of NFW to learn a little bit more about Kin Hiroshi.

"The ironic thing is, you still won't have any idea how to get under my skin because you don't know the Muffin Man."

 

[Frozen Atlantic]

Vanishing Act

*~*~*~*~*​

“Here then, let me slow it down for you so you can understand if I say it slower: Let it go dawg , it's over.”
- Eminem

*~*~*~*~*​

Typically, we get some sort of opening statement over the title card. Not this time. There's just laughter. Loud, giddy, and amazed. When the camera cuts to our new scene in front of that old black backdrop, Teresa looks casual and considerably less worn out.

"Lesson Two - when you're digging a hole for yourself, and you realize you're seriously, seriously out of your league, smart people take a little embarassment and walk away. But you..." The speech trails off, broken by more cackling. "You must want a free trip to China or something. You're like a speed bag, I keep hitting you, and you keep coming back for more. Fine, if we're going to do this though, I insist we follow the script : I will make you look like a laughingstock, and you will pretend I'm Lindsay Troy and concede everything I say like a good little chump. Ready? Let's commence."

Cue Up : "Vanaishing" by A Perfect Circle. The High Priestess clears her throat, and we see some grainy footage of Kin blasting Lovemuscle with the NFW Title -

Run-ins? What respectable wrestler does those anymore?

- and waving his belt around the ramp, all but begging for attention.

Hell, I got inside of his head and he won't admit it. You check my credentials anywhere around the globe, and you'll learn the Kin Hiroshi is synonymous with 'mind f**k'.

"We're not talking about respectable wrestlers, Silly Kinny. We're talking about wrestlers that suck. Next clip!"

I seriously can't believe you thought I'd keep my mouth shut after you accuse me of paying that Kooter Cruise wanna-be, David Tui, to go do something or rather.

It's followed by the mall food court promo.

"If you need some flunkie to do your run-ins between hits of your special sake, strap on your big girl panties and WRITE A CHECK!"

"Now, I'm sure you're easily confused. But seeing as I referenced your dustup with the guy in the next sentence, you shouldn't have had too much trouble following me. I didn't say you hired Tui, I said you should hire him so the world doesn't know what a screwup you are. And dear God, you suck at professional wrestling as much as you suck at the English language. I unwittingly drew you to me? Are you implying that I said your name like twelve times today without expecting you to take notice of it, or like... by mistake? Only you could be that oblivious.

You didn't provoke me. You inconvienced me. You distracted me. You annoyed me, which obligates me to beat you on the head with your failure until you roll over, squeeze your jaws together, and get silent."

Teresa folds her arms together as if in prayer, and leans towards the camera. "I don't need this. I don't need to watch 10 hours of DVD footage with director's commenatry to figure you out. There is no past. There is no future. There is only the present, and right now I might as well be the world champion, taking time out of my very valuable day to school you. Here's Lesson Three, Muffin - learn to know when you're burnt. Close your mouth, for the sake of the entire roster - seeing such a lame chapion triggers ambition and hope in the untalented. Close your eyes - you can barely process what you're seeing anyway. Let go of your pride - it's only emabrassing you further. Just... dissapear."

 

[DizzaHizza]

Re: Vanishing Act

** Hiroshi giggles. **

KIN HIROSHI: "Leave it to the bookworms and know-it-alls to come to NFW. Sister, if you want the World Title, all you have to do is earn it. I suck at wrestling? I have yet to you prove yourself worthy of a signed contract.

"And yes, English IS my second language. I was raised in Tokyo. Hell, my name should give you an indication of that, but I digress. Fact of the matter is, I'm World Champion, and you're a nobody.

"Pride has nothing to do with this. You're trying to stir-up something that you shouldn't even be thinking about stirring-up. Not because you CAN'T. No, I've seen much worse wrestlers, I'm sure, but because you haven't earned it.

"You want to be World Champion? Get yourself on the Contender's List, and then we'll see about a little match."

** Hiroshi giggles again. **

HIROSHI: "Oh, and for the record, I never said that I was a respectable wrestler. I just said that no respectable wrestlers do run-ins. If I was respectable, I would have given you the benefit of the doubt and let you be. Just like you should have left me be.

"I still stand by the fact that you couldn't talk your way off a telephone, or wrestle your way out of a handshake, but it doesn't matter what I think. I'm the champion. I don't have to think, I just have to wait for the bottom feeders to come to me. Isn't that the price of winning the title? A bullseye and a gold belt?

"Pumpkin tits, until you can prove you deserve to wrestle me, let it rest, because you can't get me down or keep me down. I'm the 'Man Who Felix Red Couldn't Kill'. What makes you think you'd do that much better against me?

"Peace out, snook-ums."

 

[Frozen Atlantic]

Re: Vanishing Act

*~*~*~*~*​

“Hay I got pwned but I'm STILL TEH CHAMPS! YAYZ!”
- Kin Hiroshi

*~*~*~*~*​

There's applause with the speech. "I know you didn't say that exactly, but... "

Cut to the backdrop. "Jeez, if you'd just fallen back on the whole "you haven't earned the right to kick my ass yet" card like I told you to do earlier instead of trying to use logic and stuff, you would have saved yourself from all this embarrassment."

She sighs and nods her head in a bemused fashion. "Thanks for playing, anyway."

 

[DizzaHizza]

Re: Vanishing Act

** Hiroshi points at himself. **

KIN HIROSHI: "Champion."

** Hiroshi points at the camera. **

KIN HIROSHI: "Curtain jerker."

** Hiroshi sticks his tongue out. **

KIN HIROSHI: "Neeeeeeeyyyyyhhhhh."