SigilOfLeviBF
Terrance's #2 Fan
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2000
- Messages
- 17
- Points
- 0
(FADEIN: The USA network logo. It morphs into the mask of El Puto.)
(CUEUP: " You're Gonna Burn In Hell " by Twisted Sister)
(CUTTO: Benjamin, in front of a live studio audience, sitting on a bean bag.)
BENJAMIN: Welcome, friends and family, to the second installment of my new show...15 minutes of Benjamin. We've got a lot in store for you tonight, man. Actually...nevermind, we got like, only one guest. But he's really cool! He hasn't been in any movies, and if he has, they're probably the type you gotta buy for $8.95 on channel 77, but even if that's the truth, this guy's still one of the legends of wrestling. Please welcome, mi hombre, TATANKA!
(CUEUP: Tatanka's old WWF theme music)
(Tatanka walks out, looking none too happy that they're playing his old wrestling theme music. He takes a seat on the bean bag next to Benjamin.)
BENJAMIN: Hey dog, what's up?
TATANKA: Why, hello there Benjamin, how are you? I just wanted to let you know, you really don't have to play my wrestling theme music to gain my approval. I'm happy to be here nontheless, it really won't be necessary to play that anymore...really.
BENJAMIN: Ok, I understand, but how about one more time for good luck?
(The first few seconds of Tatanka's theme, where an Indian screams out " HIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI! HI-HI-HI! " plays out, and then it cuts off.)
BENJAMIN: Alright, that's all I wanted to hear, dude. That part's the best!
TATANKA: ...
BENJAMIN: Yeah, so Tatanka, man, I read somewhere that you were a chef or something?
TATANKA: Just so you know, Benjamin, my name isn't Tatanka. It's Brian, actually. You don't need to call me by my old ring name. But anyway, yes, after going back to school...at YALE...I became a full-time chef at one of the top restaurants in California.
BENJAMIN: Dude man, I got this picture of you, holdin' a beer with these two chicks in bikinis or something...no joke, I got it off the internet, dog. What was that all about?
TATANKA: Yes, well, that was a few years ago, I was down in Ft. Lauderdale for spring break, and I was judging a 'Best Thong' contest. I'm not very proud of that though...that was a low point in my life. I was shooting things into body, I didn't even know what they were, I was with women I had to pay for...I was just a wreck. But the good news is, I cleaned up my act, graduated from my ivy-league college, and now I'm a chef.
BENJAMIN: That's great, man, that's just great. I love hearing those feel-good stories, dude!
TATANKA: Well, that's how society works, Benjamin. People find their niche, and their level of comfortability gets to a point where change becomes a negative, and they fall into excess and self-denial. I couldn't escape the vicarious life-style I once lead, and I was soon becoming the pseudo-personality I had single-handedly created through professional wrestling, which served as my medium.
BENJAMIN: (Yawns) Yeah, I guess. So anyway, let's talk about the time when the Million Dollar Man hit you over the head with a steel chair and Ludwig Borga pinned you with his pinky.
TATANKA: ...
BENJAMIN: Actually, since you dropped that bomb on us before about Tatanka not being your real name, does this mean you're not an Indian?
TATANKA: I believe the proper term you're looking for, Benjamin, is Native American, and yes, I have Native American roots. In fact, my family are descendants of the Sioux tribe.
BENJAMIN: Whoa, you mean those dudes with the hats that rode all those ships around Scandinavia?
TATANKA: No...those were Vikings.
BENJAMIN: S**t, really? I always thought they were pirates or something...
TATANKA: No, no, I'm afraid I'm not a pirate.
BENJAMIN: Yeah, you're a (Makes quotation marks with his fingers and speaks real slow) " NATIVE AMERICAN ".
TATANKA: Hey, Benjamin, is this show almost over? I think I have to be somewhere...
BENJAMIN: Man, I guess, but do you got time for just one more question?
TATANKA: Shoot.
(The first few seconds of Tatanka's theme, where an Indian screams out " HIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI! HI-HI-HI! " plays out, and then it cuts off.)
BENJAMIN: Man, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I had to do that, I just hadta!
TATANKA: ...
BENJAMIN: Ok, dude, I can tell you're busy and all. You probably got some thing to go to or something, right?
TATANKA: Yeah, I got a thing. Maybe we can do this again some time?
BENJAMIN: Hey, hey, do white suburban kids love Eminem? Ofcourse we can do it again some time! And for all you out there who can't get enough of me to the point where you're naming your children El Puto and La Puta, if you tune in next week, we may just have an actual NFW wrestler on the show! Or we'll just have another washed up actor who's got 1-800-COLLECT gigs...you'll just have to tune in and see for yourselves! Later Tatanka, my little Indian friend!
TATANKA: (Sighs) Farewell, Benjamin...FAREWELL!
(CUEUP: Tatanka's WWF Theme)
BENJAMIN: Come on, do the War Path for old time's sake! The War Path, the War Path!
(FTB)
(CUEUP: " You're Gonna Burn In Hell " by Twisted Sister)
(CUTTO: Benjamin, in front of a live studio audience, sitting on a bean bag.)
BENJAMIN: Welcome, friends and family, to the second installment of my new show...15 minutes of Benjamin. We've got a lot in store for you tonight, man. Actually...nevermind, we got like, only one guest. But he's really cool! He hasn't been in any movies, and if he has, they're probably the type you gotta buy for $8.95 on channel 77, but even if that's the truth, this guy's still one of the legends of wrestling. Please welcome, mi hombre, TATANKA!
(CUEUP: Tatanka's old WWF theme music)
(Tatanka walks out, looking none too happy that they're playing his old wrestling theme music. He takes a seat on the bean bag next to Benjamin.)
BENJAMIN: Hey dog, what's up?
TATANKA: Why, hello there Benjamin, how are you? I just wanted to let you know, you really don't have to play my wrestling theme music to gain my approval. I'm happy to be here nontheless, it really won't be necessary to play that anymore...really.
BENJAMIN: Ok, I understand, but how about one more time for good luck?
(The first few seconds of Tatanka's theme, where an Indian screams out " HIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI! HI-HI-HI! " plays out, and then it cuts off.)
BENJAMIN: Alright, that's all I wanted to hear, dude. That part's the best!
TATANKA: ...
BENJAMIN: Yeah, so Tatanka, man, I read somewhere that you were a chef or something?
TATANKA: Just so you know, Benjamin, my name isn't Tatanka. It's Brian, actually. You don't need to call me by my old ring name. But anyway, yes, after going back to school...at YALE...I became a full-time chef at one of the top restaurants in California.
BENJAMIN: Dude man, I got this picture of you, holdin' a beer with these two chicks in bikinis or something...no joke, I got it off the internet, dog. What was that all about?
TATANKA: Yes, well, that was a few years ago, I was down in Ft. Lauderdale for spring break, and I was judging a 'Best Thong' contest. I'm not very proud of that though...that was a low point in my life. I was shooting things into body, I didn't even know what they were, I was with women I had to pay for...I was just a wreck. But the good news is, I cleaned up my act, graduated from my ivy-league college, and now I'm a chef.
BENJAMIN: That's great, man, that's just great. I love hearing those feel-good stories, dude!
TATANKA: Well, that's how society works, Benjamin. People find their niche, and their level of comfortability gets to a point where change becomes a negative, and they fall into excess and self-denial. I couldn't escape the vicarious life-style I once lead, and I was soon becoming the pseudo-personality I had single-handedly created through professional wrestling, which served as my medium.
BENJAMIN: (Yawns) Yeah, I guess. So anyway, let's talk about the time when the Million Dollar Man hit you over the head with a steel chair and Ludwig Borga pinned you with his pinky.
TATANKA: ...
BENJAMIN: Actually, since you dropped that bomb on us before about Tatanka not being your real name, does this mean you're not an Indian?
TATANKA: I believe the proper term you're looking for, Benjamin, is Native American, and yes, I have Native American roots. In fact, my family are descendants of the Sioux tribe.
BENJAMIN: Whoa, you mean those dudes with the hats that rode all those ships around Scandinavia?
TATANKA: No...those were Vikings.
BENJAMIN: S**t, really? I always thought they were pirates or something...
TATANKA: No, no, I'm afraid I'm not a pirate.
BENJAMIN: Yeah, you're a (Makes quotation marks with his fingers and speaks real slow) " NATIVE AMERICAN ".
TATANKA: Hey, Benjamin, is this show almost over? I think I have to be somewhere...
BENJAMIN: Man, I guess, but do you got time for just one more question?
TATANKA: Shoot.
(The first few seconds of Tatanka's theme, where an Indian screams out " HIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI! HI-HI-HI! " plays out, and then it cuts off.)
BENJAMIN: Man, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I had to do that, I just hadta!
TATANKA: ...
BENJAMIN: Ok, dude, I can tell you're busy and all. You probably got some thing to go to or something, right?
TATANKA: Yeah, I got a thing. Maybe we can do this again some time?
BENJAMIN: Hey, hey, do white suburban kids love Eminem? Ofcourse we can do it again some time! And for all you out there who can't get enough of me to the point where you're naming your children El Puto and La Puta, if you tune in next week, we may just have an actual NFW wrestler on the show! Or we'll just have another washed up actor who's got 1-800-COLLECT gigs...you'll just have to tune in and see for yourselves! Later Tatanka, my little Indian friend!
TATANKA: (Sighs) Farewell, Benjamin...FAREWELL!
(CUEUP: Tatanka's WWF Theme)
BENJAMIN: Come on, do the War Path for old time's sake! The War Path, the War Path!
(FTB)