SigilOfLeviBF
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[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-11-02 AT 09:10 PM (EDT)](FADEIN: The USA network logo appears, and quickly morphs into the mask of El Puto.)
(CUEUP: " Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades " by Timbuk 3)
(CUTTO: Benjamin sitting on a blue bean bag, in front of a live studio audience.)
BENJAMIN: Hey! What's up, my little chili peppers, Benjamin V. Hernandez here, and if you don't recognize that name, maybe you'll recognize...(pulls the mask of El Puto out from under his ass and quickly puts it on) EL PUTO! Not to be confused with El Hijo, whoever that is. So anyway, here's how it's gonna be in El Puto land from now on. Not only will I be starring in " El Puto, Mexican and sometimes Texas Ranger ", but I have a new show, and it's called " 15 minutes of Benjamin ". You may be wondering why we're calling it that, but don't worry, because...hey, I'm about to tell you. There was once a great American poet who lived in the days of medievil times, and his name was Andy Warhol. He said, " Hey man, everybody's got their 15 minutes of fame ". Well, now, every week on USA, everybody's got their 15 minutes of Benjamin! Not only that, but each week I'll have a special guest. This week's guest is starring in his own movie, I think it's called Halloween Resurrection or something. He's also like, the coolest rapper ever, amigo! Please welcome, Busta Rhymes!
(CUEUP: " It's all about the Benjamins " by Puff Daddy)
(Busta comes out and sits on the red bean bag, located right next to Benjamin.)
BENJAMIN: Ah man, hey Busta! What's up man?
BUSTA: Yo Benny, I don't mean no disrespect or nothin', but that ain't my song.
BENJAMIN: What ain't your song?
BUSTA: All about the Benjamins, dog, it ain't my song.
BENJAMIN: Oh f**k, it's not?
BUSTA: Nah, man. That's Puffy's joint, but it's alright, it's alright.
BENJAMIN: Crap dude, someone's gonna get fired over this, you have my word! But anyway, let's get down to business...
BUSTA: Yo man, what's up with the bean bags?
BENJAMIN: Oh, yeah, USA said they don't wanna spend more money on me than they should, so they gave us bean bags instead of chairs, but I'm saving up money for some really cool chairs, I just need like, 75 more bucks and I'm there! Hopefully the profits I made from my Three Ninjas movie will be just enough to afford the chairs. Nevermind the chairs, man, you got a new movie out, and word on the street is, it's gonna make like, a hundred more bucks than Three Ninjas made.
BUSTA: Well, the movie debuted in the number 250 spot over this weekend, which means like, 100 people saw it...but check it, that's like, only the U.S. Who knows how high that number'll be when the international numbers come out?
BENJAMIN: Amen, chico. Now we're gonna play some clips from the movie. There was one clip I really really wanted to play for everyone, but I lost it yesterday, and the movie people said we couldn't have another one. It's the part where you scream out " HIYA! " and karate kick Michael Myers out a window, but unfortunately, we gotta settle for this clip. Check it out everyone...
(CUEUP: Halloween theme music)
(CUTTO: Busta Rhymes standing over Michael Myers)
BUSTA: Trick or treat...mutha f*cka!
(End clip)
BENJAMIN: Wow, man, that was really good!
BUSTA: Thank you, my brutha.
BENJAMIN: Another clip I wanted to play, but lost, was the part where you're porking that blonde, white chick, then Michael pops out of the wall and stabs her eyeballs out, then you whip out a chainsaw and say " Ah s**t, Michael, you know I don't like a playa hata ", and you saw his head off.
BUSTA: Yeah, and what you DON'T KNOW about that scene, is that I totally improvised that.
BENJAMIN: Well, I must say, it was dudin'! But here's a clip we DO have...
(CUEUP: Halloween theme music)
(CUTTO: Busta Rhymes standing over Michael Myers)
BUSTA: Trick or treat...mutha f*cka!
(End clip)
BENJAMIN: Man, it just keeps gettin' better and better!
BUSTA: Here's another thing all you people who have yet to see my Oscar Award-winning movie might not have known...that was not the same clip my man Benny just rolled a minute ago. I actually say that line twice during the movie.
BENJAMIN: Hey hey, it's like my friend Wrigley's says...double the flavor, double the fun! Actually, my favorite clip of the whole movie, which we also lost, was when you punch Michael in the face, and then he morphs into like, all these killer dogs, and you just say, " Bring it on...b**ches! " Then they all jump at you, but you whip out a machine gun, and blow all of them away, and every time you shoot a dog, a really cool guitar whail rings out!
BUSTA: Yeah, that was definitely one of the high points of the movie.
BENJAMIN: Dude, we're almost out of time. I think we do have time, however, for one more clip!
(CUEUP: Halloween theme music)
(CUTTO: Busta Rhymes standing over Michael Myers)
BUSTA: Trick or treat...mutha f*cka!
(End clip)
BENJAMIN: Man, they just keep on gettin' better and better!
BUSTA: True dat, but check it...that was the same clip as before.
BENJAMIN: ...so it is. Oh well, that part's just so good and fantastic like, I could watch it like, 50 million times and it would still be fresh every time!
BUSTA: I dig, I dig.
BENJAMIN: Alright, all my little putos, that seems to be all the time we have for tonight! Join us next week, when our guest will either be Tom Hanks, or Tatanka, probably Tatanka, being that Tom Hanks was quoted as saying he wants nothing to do with my dirty dish washin' ass! Adios, and...FOREVER LIVE EL PUTO!
(CUEUP: " Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades " by Timbuk 3)
(FTB)
(CUEUP: " Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades " by Timbuk 3)
(CUTTO: Benjamin sitting on a blue bean bag, in front of a live studio audience.)
BENJAMIN: Hey! What's up, my little chili peppers, Benjamin V. Hernandez here, and if you don't recognize that name, maybe you'll recognize...(pulls the mask of El Puto out from under his ass and quickly puts it on) EL PUTO! Not to be confused with El Hijo, whoever that is. So anyway, here's how it's gonna be in El Puto land from now on. Not only will I be starring in " El Puto, Mexican and sometimes Texas Ranger ", but I have a new show, and it's called " 15 minutes of Benjamin ". You may be wondering why we're calling it that, but don't worry, because...hey, I'm about to tell you. There was once a great American poet who lived in the days of medievil times, and his name was Andy Warhol. He said, " Hey man, everybody's got their 15 minutes of fame ". Well, now, every week on USA, everybody's got their 15 minutes of Benjamin! Not only that, but each week I'll have a special guest. This week's guest is starring in his own movie, I think it's called Halloween Resurrection or something. He's also like, the coolest rapper ever, amigo! Please welcome, Busta Rhymes!
(CUEUP: " It's all about the Benjamins " by Puff Daddy)
(Busta comes out and sits on the red bean bag, located right next to Benjamin.)
BENJAMIN: Ah man, hey Busta! What's up man?
BUSTA: Yo Benny, I don't mean no disrespect or nothin', but that ain't my song.
BENJAMIN: What ain't your song?
BUSTA: All about the Benjamins, dog, it ain't my song.
BENJAMIN: Oh f**k, it's not?
BUSTA: Nah, man. That's Puffy's joint, but it's alright, it's alright.
BENJAMIN: Crap dude, someone's gonna get fired over this, you have my word! But anyway, let's get down to business...
BUSTA: Yo man, what's up with the bean bags?
BENJAMIN: Oh, yeah, USA said they don't wanna spend more money on me than they should, so they gave us bean bags instead of chairs, but I'm saving up money for some really cool chairs, I just need like, 75 more bucks and I'm there! Hopefully the profits I made from my Three Ninjas movie will be just enough to afford the chairs. Nevermind the chairs, man, you got a new movie out, and word on the street is, it's gonna make like, a hundred more bucks than Three Ninjas made.
BUSTA: Well, the movie debuted in the number 250 spot over this weekend, which means like, 100 people saw it...but check it, that's like, only the U.S. Who knows how high that number'll be when the international numbers come out?
BENJAMIN: Amen, chico. Now we're gonna play some clips from the movie. There was one clip I really really wanted to play for everyone, but I lost it yesterday, and the movie people said we couldn't have another one. It's the part where you scream out " HIYA! " and karate kick Michael Myers out a window, but unfortunately, we gotta settle for this clip. Check it out everyone...
(CUEUP: Halloween theme music)
(CUTTO: Busta Rhymes standing over Michael Myers)
BUSTA: Trick or treat...mutha f*cka!
(End clip)
BENJAMIN: Wow, man, that was really good!
BUSTA: Thank you, my brutha.
BENJAMIN: Another clip I wanted to play, but lost, was the part where you're porking that blonde, white chick, then Michael pops out of the wall and stabs her eyeballs out, then you whip out a chainsaw and say " Ah s**t, Michael, you know I don't like a playa hata ", and you saw his head off.
BUSTA: Yeah, and what you DON'T KNOW about that scene, is that I totally improvised that.
BENJAMIN: Well, I must say, it was dudin'! But here's a clip we DO have...
(CUEUP: Halloween theme music)
(CUTTO: Busta Rhymes standing over Michael Myers)
BUSTA: Trick or treat...mutha f*cka!
(End clip)
BENJAMIN: Man, it just keeps gettin' better and better!
BUSTA: Here's another thing all you people who have yet to see my Oscar Award-winning movie might not have known...that was not the same clip my man Benny just rolled a minute ago. I actually say that line twice during the movie.
BENJAMIN: Hey hey, it's like my friend Wrigley's says...double the flavor, double the fun! Actually, my favorite clip of the whole movie, which we also lost, was when you punch Michael in the face, and then he morphs into like, all these killer dogs, and you just say, " Bring it on...b**ches! " Then they all jump at you, but you whip out a machine gun, and blow all of them away, and every time you shoot a dog, a really cool guitar whail rings out!
BUSTA: Yeah, that was definitely one of the high points of the movie.
BENJAMIN: Dude, we're almost out of time. I think we do have time, however, for one more clip!
(CUEUP: Halloween theme music)
(CUTTO: Busta Rhymes standing over Michael Myers)
BUSTA: Trick or treat...mutha f*cka!
(End clip)
BENJAMIN: Man, they just keep on gettin' better and better!
BUSTA: True dat, but check it...that was the same clip as before.
BENJAMIN: ...so it is. Oh well, that part's just so good and fantastic like, I could watch it like, 50 million times and it would still be fresh every time!
BUSTA: I dig, I dig.
BENJAMIN: Alright, all my little putos, that seems to be all the time we have for tonight! Join us next week, when our guest will either be Tom Hanks, or Tatanka, probably Tatanka, being that Tom Hanks was quoted as saying he wants nothing to do with my dirty dish washin' ass! Adios, and...FOREVER LIVE EL PUTO!
(CUEUP: " Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades " by Timbuk 3)
(FTB)
