Name: Aaron Jones Height: 5’8” Weight: 160 lbs. Hometown: Indianapolis, IN Appearance: Skinny and wiry – not entirely devoid of muscle, but looking like wrestling probably isn’t the best career path for him. Buzzed short blond hair contributes to his very young appearance; the kid’s only in his...

(Backstage at Aggression 62, the camera finds Dan Ryan sitting at his desk in his office. He looks up at the sound of a door opening and reacts with thinly veiled annoyance) Ryan: You know, I’d kind of hoped I was done dealing with you. (The camera backs away to show Aaron Jones approaching...

<i>(Fade in on a poor-quality shot – probably shot from a cell phone – of a backstage parking lot area, presumably at Aggression 47. Copycat and Sean Edmunds stand are visible, and Copycat is particularly animated as the video captures him mid-sentence)</i> <b>Copycat:</b> —ore obvious what’s...

Name: Copycat Real name: James Kattman Nicknames: The Cat; the Smartest Player in the Game Height: 6’4” Weight: 280 lbs. Hometown: Kalamazoo, MI Appearance: Shoulder-length brown hair; goatee; red boots and kneepads; red trunks with “THE CAT” on the back in black letters. Entrance music: “The...

Last week: Anglelution was a mystery, Walker: Texas Undertaker’s tendency to miss his cues sent Paul Heyman and John Heidenreich on a journey to the Dungeon of Despair, and Faarooq got his revenge on JBL by forcing him to job from 7000 years in the past. Will Faarooq do anything from the...

Last week: JBL and Orlando Jordan traveled back in time to regain their pushes, Carlito Caribbean Cool used the Chain Necklack of Thuganomic Wonder to defeat Rey Mysterio, and Big Show ate the Spice Girls. Will I make another stupid joke about Big Show eating someone…TONIGHT? Here’s Torrie...

I know it's almost time for this week's SmackDown! and I'm just now posting last week's. Shut up. Last week: Carlito Caribbean Cool took Slim Cena’s U.S. Title and resistance to jobbing, John Heidenreich killed some “fans” who were certainly NOT disguised indie wrestlers, and Booker T and...

This past Sunday at Uno Mercy: JBL turned the tables on Walker: Texas Undertaker by busting out a last-minute Wild Draw 4 and then letting John Heidenreich kill him, Booker T accidentally jobbed to Slim Cena, and Big Show ate Kurt Angle only to find out it was actually a life-size statue of...

Last week: Kurt Angle repented for his secret tryst with Stephanie McMahon by making the Big Show the Bald Show, Walker: Texas Undertaker disrupted the space-time continuum by killing Gangrel and Viscera, and some famous SmackDown! moments were relived. Will anything be relived…TONIGHT? A...

Last week: Through a twisting path of cardboard and Chex Mix, Big Show was signed to face Kurt Angle at Uno Mercy, Gangrel and Viscera came from 1999 to beat up Walker: Texas Undertaker, and the references to old-timey TV shows were far too heavy. Will there be overly heavy references…TONIGHT...

Last week: Team Frogger beat Team Velocity for the Tag Titles, Theodore Long forced JBL to defend his Title Utility Belt against Walker: Texas Undertaker at Uno Mercy, and Big Show ended pandamonium once and for all by eating all the pandas. Will Big Show eat something…TONIGHT? Torrie Wilson...

Last week: An OMG PANDA SWERVE~ helped Kurt Angle regain his watch from Eddie Guerrero, John Heidenreich killed Paul London, and the WWE champion was in a meaningless segment involving Charlie Haas. Will JBL do something meaningless…TONIGHT? GM Theodore Long is in his office. Yay! Long...

Now that there is a Pro Wrestling board, I carry over my SmackDown! Satire from WFW's OORP area. Enjoy. Jerks. Last week: Walker: Texas Undertaker stole JBL’s orthodontic headgear, Booker T won the Kennel From Hell match to tie up his series against Slim Cena, and Eddie Guerrero’s changing...

Last week: Walker: Texas Undertaker unkilled JBL and Kurt Angle vandalized Eddie Guerrero’s car with a Garfield hood ornament, but the real story was the marked lack of pandas. Will SmackDown! receive some much-needed pandas…TONIGHT? Eddie Guerrero is out to start the show. Eddie: Horale...

At the continual pleading of...well, no one, I bring to you my SmackDown! satire. It's just like the RAW satire on Online Onslaught, only not as funny. Enjoy! Last Sunday: Kurt Angle finally regained his watch in an emotional moment, Team Velocity lost a hard-fought match against the...

So, I recently received news that tomorrow at 8:00, the Second Amendment Club at my college is bringing in none other than the Ultimate Warrior to talk to students. I can't promise the opportunity to ask him questions or anything like Ernie did with Marty Jannetty...I just thought I'd post this...

Tonight, WWE RAW and SmackDown! present… WRESTLEMANIA 20: WHERE LA RESISTANCE JOBS…AGAIN! Thursday on SmackDown!: The Charmed Ones finally got to Paul Heyman by possessing Stone Cold Steve Austin’s ATV and using it to run Paul over. Kurt Angle tried to regain his watch from Eddie Guerrero by...

Yeah, same as the last one. WWE SmackDown! presents… NO WAY OUT…OF SAN FRANCISCO! Thursday on SmackDown!: Paul Heyman shook the wrestling world to its very foundations by announcing Eddie Brock as the special guest referee for the match between Eddie Guerrero and Super Macho Man. Kurt Angle...

I spontaneously decided to write this satirical recap of the Royal Rumble after I watched it a few weeks back, but was too lazy to post it before now. If anyone’s ever seen the RAW Satire on Online Onslaught, you’ll know what I’m ripping off with my recap of the Royal Rumble. What? You’ve...